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00:00Who is it?
00:01Stripper Gran!
00:07Tag, you're it.
00:10Shouldn't you put him in a brown paper bag and set him on fire?
00:17I've never slept on an air mattress before.
00:20No lumbar support whatsoever.
00:24Maybe you'd be happier on a park bench.
00:29I don't see any way to get a park bench in here.
00:32Do you want to switch?
00:34No, that's fine. I'm perfectly comfortable sleeping on a bouncy castle.
00:41Get out of bed, we're switching.
00:42Now, only if you want to.
00:44Just get in the bed!
00:46What's going on? Are you boys roughhousing?
00:52Just talking, Ma!
00:54If you don't settle down right now, I'm not going to let you have any more sleepovers!
01:01God's sake, Ma, I'm 27 years old!
01:05It's not even a school night!
01:12Comfy now?
01:13Meh.
01:19That poster of Halle Berry is a little unnerving.
01:24So don't look at it.
01:26She's like my fourth favorite Catwoman.
01:28No kidding.
01:29Yeah, Julie Newmar, Michelle Pfeiffer, Eartha Kitt, and then her.
01:32What about Lee Merriweather?
01:34Oh, I forgot about Lee Merriweather.
01:37Well, I'm glad that's settled.
01:40That makes Halle Berry my fifth favorite Catwoman.
01:43Because Julie Newmar, Michelle Pfeiffer, Eartha Kitt, Lee Merriweather...
01:46Please, I'm begging you, go to sleep.
01:48I'm trying. I'm counting Catwomen.
01:54You know, she did make a fine mutant in the X-Men movies, though.
01:58Oh, for God's sake.
01:59You know, my favorite of the X-Men, in order of that would be Wolverine, Cyclops...
02:02Oh, wait, I forgot Professor X.
02:04Professor X, Wolverine, Cyclops, Iceman, then Storm, Angel, The Beat...
02:08Oh, wait, Nightcrawler.
02:10Professor X, Nightcrawler, Wolverine, Cyclops, Iceman, then Storm, Angel...
02:16I'm coming!
02:19Hey!
02:21There he is.
02:23There my old buddy-butt-bud.
02:27I have no respect for Leslie as a scientist, or a human being, for that matter.
02:32We have to concede her undeniable expertise in the interrelated fields of promiscuity and general sluttiness.
02:42My point is that Tinkerbell just needs to get her some.
02:45Some what?
02:46Oh, yes, some sexual intercourse.
02:48I'll take the bullet.
02:52Excuse me, this whole idea is insane.
02:54Yeah, yeah, enough debate. I'm going to take action.
02:57Excuse me.
02:59Are you currently involved in a sexual relationship?
03:04No.
03:05Would you like to be?
03:09Uh...
03:10Sure, why not?
03:12Sheldon?
03:13Bip-bip-bip-bip.
03:15Sheldon?
03:16Bip-bip-bip-bip.
03:18Can I have your phone number?
03:22Uh...
03:24Yeah.
03:26Yeah.
03:35There. Problem solved.
03:40Dumbass.
03:41Did you remember to ask for the chicken with broccoli to be diced, not shredded?
03:44Yes.
03:45Even though the menu description specifies shredded?
03:46Yes.
03:47Brown rice, not white?
03:48Yes.
03:49Did you stop at the Korean grocery and get the good hot mustard?
03:50Yes.
03:51Did you pick up the low-sodium soy sauce from the market?
03:52Yes.
03:54You're welcome.
03:56What took you so long?
03:59Just sit down and eat.
04:01Fine.
04:05Alright, it's shredded. What do you want me to do?
04:08Turn on the ignition and shift into drive.
04:11I haven't fastened my seatbelt yet.
04:15Okay, fasten your seatbelt.
04:24Click.
04:27Now, are there airbags?
04:28You don't need airbags.
04:30What does a simulated van rear-ends mean?
04:32I'll hit you in the face with a pillow.
04:41Okay, now shift into drive.
04:43Pull out slowly into traffic.
04:45Oh!
04:47Watch out for the gas ring lens!
04:51Wait!
04:52Hit the brakes! Hit the brakes!
05:08You're welcome.
05:11Sorry.
05:13Excuse me.
05:17My bad.
05:21Student driver!
05:25How did you manage to get on the second floor of the Glendale Galleria?
05:29I don't know.
05:31I was on the Pasadena Freeway.
05:33I missed my exit, flew off the overpass,
05:35and one thing led to another.
05:37Maybe you want to give it a rest and try again tomorrow?
05:39No.
05:41I quit.
05:50Oh, the pet store.
05:54Remind me to compliment Wallowitz on the software.
05:56That's amazingly detailed.
06:00Penny.
06:02Penny.
06:05Penny.
06:07Penny.
06:15Sheldon?
06:19I have an inflamed larynx.
06:25Okay.
06:29We are out of herbal tea.
06:31Do you have any?
06:35Okay.
06:37Let me check.
06:43Some piney would be nice.
06:47Piney?
06:51Honey.
06:55Trailing badly.
06:57Wallowitz needs a strike.
06:59If he has any hopes of catching up with Sheldon Cooper,
07:01who is dominating in the ninth frame
07:03I guess sixty-eight.
07:13Hey, guys.
07:15That doesn't count!
07:17Do-over! Do-over!
07:19There are no do-overs in wee bowling.
07:21There are always do-overs
07:23when my people play sports.
07:27Where were you that's more important than wee bowling night?
07:29Actually, I was...
07:32There's nothing more important than wee bowling night.
07:34Come on, it's just a video game.
07:36And we suck at it.
07:38Nice motivational speech
07:40from the team captain.
07:42Maintaining five friendships
07:44promises to be a Herculean task,
07:46so I'm going to have to
07:48let one of you go.
07:52Me, me, let it be me.
07:56Leonard, you are my roommate,
07:58my source of transportation,
08:00and you help me fold my sheets
08:02when they come out of the dryer.
08:04You are safe.
08:06Can I whistle?
08:08Don't be silly.
08:10Howard, you do not have a PhD.
08:12Your cologne
08:14is an assault on the senses,
08:16and you're not available for video games
08:18during the Jewish high holidays.
08:20Guilty as charged.
08:22I'm out.
08:24No, you two are safe.
08:26Oh, come on.
08:29What do I have to do?
08:31Okay, you know what?
08:33I see where this is going.
08:35I'm not one of you guys.
08:37I'm not a scientist, so just tell me...
08:39Penny, Penny, Penny,
08:41everything you're saying is true,
08:43but please allow me to continue.
08:45Raj, you're out.
08:47It's a good question.
08:49While you do provide
08:51a certain cultural diversity
08:53to an otherwise homogenous group,
08:55your responses to the questionnaire
08:57make me for a moment think
08:59that my favorite amino acid
09:01is glutamine.
09:03He had lysine, but changed it.
09:05Shoulda, woulda, coulda, Raj.
09:11This appears significantly
09:13more monolithic
09:15than it did on my laptop.
09:17No one expects to see hominids
09:19learning to use bones as weapons.
09:21You afraid of heights, Cooper?
09:23Hardly.
09:26Fear of falling, on the other hand,
09:28is prudent and evolutionary.
09:30What would you say is the minimum
09:32altitude I need to achieve
09:34to cement our newfound friendship?
09:36Come on, they have birthday parties here.
09:38Where do kids climb this?
09:41Little kid hominids, perhaps.
09:47So is this your entire job?
09:49Parents must be so proud.
09:53Let's go, Cooper.
09:55Come on, Kripke.
09:57Okay. Harness seems to be secure.
10:01Small amount of incontinence just now,
10:03but the website said that's to be expected.
10:07Okay.
10:09This isn't so bad.
10:11It's a bit like vertical swimming.
10:15Hey, look at you, Cooper.
10:17You're almost halfway to the top.
10:19I am?
10:21I was wrong.
10:23It is a fear of heights.
10:25You all right there, Cooper?
10:27Not really.
10:29I feel somewhat like an inverse tangent function
10:31that's approached an asymptote.
10:33Are you saying you're stuck?
10:35What part of inverse tangent function
10:37approaching an asymptote did you not understand?
10:39I understood all of it. I'm not a mole on.
10:41Just keep going.
10:43Yeah, I don't think I can.
10:45Well, climb back down.
10:47No, that doesn't seem any more likely.
10:49So what's your plan, Cooper?
10:51It's not exactly a plan,
10:53but I think I'm going to pass out.
11:01Stew the Cockatoo
11:03is new at the zoo.
11:05Author Sarah Carpenter
11:07lives in Fort Wayne, Indiana
11:09with her husband
11:11and best friend Mark
11:13and their cockatoo, Stew.
11:17Probably makes her an expert in making friends.
11:19Wouldn't you agree?
11:21I don't like birds. These scare me.
11:23Me too.
11:27Most people don't see it.
11:31What are you reading?
11:33Curious George.
11:35Oh, I do like monkeys.
11:37Curious George is a monkey.
11:39Somewhat anthropomorphized, but yes.
11:41Say,
11:43maybe sometime you and I
11:45could go see monkeys together.
11:47I'd like that.
11:49Okay.
11:51Sheldon, what are you doing?
11:53I'm making friends with this little girl.
11:55What's your name?
11:57Rebecca.
11:59Hi, Rebecca. I'm your new friend, Sheldon.
12:01Diana, let's go.
12:03We're really hitting it off.
12:05Don't look up those cameras.
12:07So what do you think?
12:09I'm very tempted.
12:11I'm just not sure it's appropriate
12:13with my son's roommate.
12:15Normally, I'd feel the same way,
12:17but based on everything I've observed about us,
12:19I can't help but speculate
12:21we'd be very good together.
12:23True.
12:25I've had a similar observation.
12:27Certainly something I could never do
12:29with my husband.
12:33I was hesitant the first time I tried it,
12:35but I experienced
12:37an unanticipated and remarkable
12:39release of endorphins.
12:42It's quite satisfying.
12:45I see what you're doing.
12:47You're appealing to the
12:49neuroscientific researcher in me.
12:51You see right through me,
12:53don't you?
12:57Only when you're in a cat scanner.
13:03Oh, have a night!
13:05Oh, have a night!
13:07Oh, have a night!
13:09Oh, have a night!
13:11Hold tight!
13:13Hold tight!
13:15Baby, hold tight!
13:17Anyway you want it,
13:19that's the way you need it!
13:21Anyway you want it!
13:23Here you go, fresh from the cleaners. Good as new.
13:25Really great. Sheldon, look, good as new.
13:27From that key maker, I highly doubt it.
13:31Come on, Sheldon, just give it a try.
13:35All right.
13:39There.
13:41Nice and comfy cozy. Zero, zero, zero.
13:43There's one more zero.
13:47You forgot the time parameter.
13:49Sit on the damn couch.
14:09Nope.
14:13What do you mean, nope?
14:15What's wrong with it?
14:17Nothing, it's what's wrong with him.
14:19It's exactly the same.
14:21Penny, Penny,
14:23I think I know what to do.
14:25Sheldon, I have some bad news.
14:27More?
14:29I'm afraid so.
14:31You know the cashew chicken I get you on Monday nights?
14:33Yes, from Szechuan Palace.
14:35I'm afraid so.
14:37You know the cashew chicken I get you on Monday nights?
14:39Yes, from Szechuan Palace.
14:41Szechuan Palace closed two years ago.
14:45What?
14:47Where did my cashew chicken come from?
14:49Golden Dragon.
14:55No.
15:01Oh, this isn't right.
15:03Our food always comes in Szechuan Palace containers.
15:05Yeah, well, before they went out of business,
15:07I bought 4,000 containers.
15:11I keep them in the trunk of my car.
15:15But...
15:17Oh, this changes everything.
15:21I thought that might take his mind off the cushion.
15:25What's real? What isn't? How can I know?
15:29You did make that up, right?
15:31Oh, God, I wish I had.
15:35Leonard?
15:37Yeah, buddy?
15:39I still don't like this cushion.
15:41I got a box, but there's no key in here.
15:43Just letters.
15:45That's the wrong box. Put it back.
15:47Oh, Sheldon, are these letters from your grandmother?
15:49Don't read those letters.
15:51Oh, look, she calls you Moon Pie.
15:53That is so cute.
15:55Put down the letters!
15:57Hey, Penny, it's Leonard.
15:59Hey, Leonard, how's the train ride?
16:01Delightful.
16:03Listen, I don't know what you're doing right now,
16:05but there are little bubbles forming
16:07in the corner of Sheldon's mouth.
16:09Okay, yeah, I kind of crossed a line.
16:11Put him back on.
16:15I'm back.
16:17What up, Moon Pie?
16:19No one calls me Moon Pie but Meemaw.
16:23Hey, Penny, Leonard again.
16:27Okay, I found the box. Now what?
16:29You're holding a Japanese puzzle box
16:31and it takes ten precise moves to open.
16:33First, locate the panel
16:35with the diamond pattern
16:37and slide the center portion
16:39one millimeter to the left.
16:41Then, on the opposite end of the box,
16:43slide the entire panel down
16:45two millimeters.
16:47You'll hear a slight click.
16:49Hang on, Sheldon, do you have any emotional
16:51attachment to this box?
16:53No, it's a novelty I ordered off the Internet.
16:55Did you hear the click?
16:57Not yet.
16:59There it is.
17:05Very well.
17:07But if this leads to opiates
17:09or hallucinogenics, you're going to have to answer to my mother.
17:17Zoom! Zoom! Zoom!
17:23Where's the coffee?
17:25Where's the coffee?
17:27We're all out.
17:31No problem.
17:33I'll be back before this banana
17:35hits the ground.
17:37Zoom! Zoom! Zoom!
17:39Zoom! Zoom! Zoom!