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00:00The train now standing at Platform 3 is the 9.35 4.00...
00:11Watch it! It's King Ficklecook!
00:15Madeline!
00:17Oh, Augustus! I've such bad news! It's poor darling Hilda!
00:22Hilda?
00:23She's broken up with Roger!
00:25Roger?
00:28I must be without him for hours' need!
00:31But I can't go and be your godmother all by myself! Suppose he doesn't approve of me?
00:35She'll love you, Augustus! Just as I do!
00:38But I'll be all alone!
00:40Oh, my brave, my wonderful boy! In you get now!
00:46Wait! Mad...
00:49Madeline!
00:58Madeline...
01:03Oh, my goodness! The address!
01:28This club is really amazing, Jeeves.
01:31Indeed, sir.
01:33Don't sound so souky, Jeeves. I thought you'd be pleased.
01:35Means you won't have to lug that great bag of clubs around any more.
01:37This little chap is the whole work.
01:39I should not wish to be seen carrying an illegal club around Wentworth, sir.
01:43There's nothing in the rules of golf says one can't have an adjustable iron.
01:46You see, I just press this button here. Click, it's a niblick.
01:49Click, click, it's a mashy niblick. Click, click, click, it's a mid-mashy.
01:51Click, click, click, click.
01:53Yes, thank you, sir. Most ingenious.
01:57All the way up to click.
01:59Rule number 14-3, sir, states that no player shall use any artificial device or unusual equipment.
02:06The Rules Committee of the Royal and Ancient are...
02:08The Rules Committee of the Royal and Ancient are yesterday's men, Jeeves.
02:11They simply have to face up to the modern world.
02:13If you say so, sir.
02:20Mr. Worcester's residence.
02:23Good afternoon, Mrs. Gregson.
02:26No, I regret to say that Mr. Worcester is not at home, Mrs. Gregson.
02:30Certainly, Mrs. Gregson.
02:34Yes, Mrs. Gregson.
02:36That was Mrs. Gregson, sir.
02:39She desires us both to visit her immediately.
02:42And I say yes, Bertie.
02:44Oh, but dash it, Aunt Agatha.
02:46Please.
02:47Trying to confine that sort of language to the taproom where it belongs.
02:51I don't even know this Gertrude Winkworth.
02:53Her mother, Dame Daphne, is one of my oldest and dearest friends.
02:56There is good blood there, Bertie.
02:59An injection of it might fortify the Jejeune concoction
03:02which seems to run through the veins of the Worcesters these days.
03:05You're sure not suggesting that I just turn up on the doorstep of this Deverell Hall place
03:09and ask to marry their Gertie?
03:11Her mother confided to me that Gertrude was being pursued
03:14by some quite unsuitable sort of actor of all things.
03:18I said to her she's just the girl for Bertie.
03:21That's another thing.
03:22If this Gertrude Winkworth and I should by some remote chance hit it off
03:25we'd be known by all and sundry as Bertie and Gertie.
03:27Like some dashed musical act.
03:29Don't be such a pontoon, Bertie.
03:32Get him down to Deverell Hall, Jeeves.
03:34Very good, Mrs. Gregson.
03:45Bertie! Bertie, Bertie, Bertie!
03:47Bertie, Bertie, I've forgotten the address.
03:49Who's address?
03:50I can't remember.
03:52Dame something something.
03:56Can't you telephone Madeleine to find out where her dreaded godmother lives?
03:59I don't know where Madeleine is.
04:01At least I do. The Larches, Wimbledon Common.
04:03But I don't know the telephone number.
04:05That's all right. We can log it up. What's the name of this friend of hers?
04:08Hilda or something.
04:10Pardon me, sir.
04:11Yes, Jeeves.
04:12If it is to Miss Bassett's godmother that Mr. Fink-Nottle must present himself for approval
04:16then I think you'll find that it is Dame Daphne Winkworth.
04:19That's it? That's it?
04:21Oh, Dickens, did you hear that, Jeeves?
04:23I heard Miss Bassett's father, Sir Watkin,
04:26mention that Miss Madeleine's two godmothers are Dame Daphne and Mrs. Gregson's.
04:30He referred to them in a moment of grim jocularity as Scylla and Charybdis.
04:35And this is the same Dame Daphne Winkworth of Deverell Hall that we're under orders to see?
04:39Indeed, sir.
04:40Well, there you are then, Gussie.
04:41We can put you up for the night and you can travel down with us tomorrow.
04:44Oh, no.
04:45Madeleine would expect me to be there tonight.
04:48Oh, assert your independence, Gussie.
04:50Anyway, how will she know that you're not?
04:52We could slide over to the drones for a snifter.
04:55All right.
04:56Why shouldn't I?
04:58I will.
05:02Should I do exactly what Madeleine tells me all the time?
05:05Spoken like a true Fink-Nottle, Gussie.
05:07I don't go around telling her what to do.
05:09True, true.
05:10Usual for me, please, George.
05:11What about you, Gussie?
05:12Orange juice, please.
05:13You can't, Gussie.
05:14You're out on the long leash.
05:15You'll drink champagne and lighters.
05:18Gatsby!
05:19What?
05:20What hope, Bertie?
05:21I haven't seen you in an age, Gatsby.
05:22Do you know Gussie Fink-Nottle?
05:23Claude Potter Purprise.
05:25So what are you up to, Gatsby?
05:26Oh, I start rehearsing a new musical next week.
05:28Oh, nice part.
05:29The usual.
05:30Bound on act one, clutching a tennis racket and shouting,
05:33Hello, girls.
05:34Act two, fall in love with the parlour maid.
05:36Act three, find out she's really Lady Penelope Incognito
05:39and live happily ever after.
05:41I think I've seen that one.
05:42What about you?
05:43Have you seen?
05:44Oh, Lord, yes.
05:45Here, Gussie and I are going down to the devil's hole tomorrow.
05:47How do you know them?
05:48The Winkworths.
05:49Know them?
05:50Are you trying to be funny?
05:51I'm engaged to Gertrude.
05:52Gertrude?
05:53But as in Winkworth?
05:54Of course.
05:55Oh.
05:56What do you mean, oh?
05:57She's wonderful, Bertie.
05:59Yes, well, that's good, isn't it?
06:01No, it's not good.
06:02When we got engaged and broke the news to her mother,
06:05she let out a yell you could have heard in St. Neots.
06:08St. Neots being?
06:09About 20 miles as the crow flies.
06:11Oh, good as distance then.
06:12And I haven't seen Gertrude since.
06:14I'm trying to pluck up the courage to go back down there again
06:18and persuade her to elope with me.
06:20What's her mother like?
06:22Dame Daphne.
06:23Light heavyweight.
06:24Touch of Wallace Beery about the jawline.
06:26Oh, dear.
06:27Gussie's engaged to her goddaughter.
06:29I'm going to devil's hole to get her blessing.
06:31Oh, well, I wish you luck with the aunts.
06:33Aunts?
06:34Dame Daphne's got about 43 sisters living with her
06:38and they let out yells too.
06:40Oh, dear.
06:41Well, tell you what, Gussie,
06:42why don't you take Catsmead out to dinner?
06:44He doesn't eat all that much
06:45and he can enwisen you in Rayleigh's aunts and so forth
06:48over the potage.
06:55Ah, jeez.
06:56A slight complication has arisen
06:57about the dreaded Winkworth pill Aunt Agatha
06:59is hell-bent on pairing me off with.
07:01Indeed, sir?
07:02Yes, the actor that Dame Daphne
07:03is so keen to head off with the past
07:05is Catsmead Potter Purbright.
07:06Catsmead is absolutely barmy about her, apparently.
07:08The girl, that is.
07:09That would seem to put you
07:10into a somewhat ambiguous situation
07:12in regard to your friendship
07:13with Mr. Potter Purbright, sir.
07:15Ambiguous is right, chiefs.
07:16Well, there's nothing for it, I suppose.
07:17I shall just have to throttle right back on the old charm.
07:19Don't want to turn the poor girl's head
07:21and leave Catsmead standing at the post.
07:23It would seem to be a danger, sir.
07:25Will that be all, sir?
07:26Yes, chiefs, that'll be all, yes.
07:28Thank you, sir.
07:33I hunt with the East Sussex, of course,
07:35but Roger said he felt a certain obligation
07:38to support the blasted Midhamps.
07:40The consequence was I never saw
07:42the little blight at all during the winter.
07:44My poor Hilda.
07:46Any old how.
07:47I issued an ultimatum, I'm afraid.
07:49Look here, Roger, I said.
07:50Either it's the Midhamps or it's me.
07:52Take your choice.
07:54Oh, Hilda, you're so courageous.
07:56Yes, well, I haven't seen hide nor hair of him since,
07:59and that was six weeks ago.
08:01Oh, it isn't fair, is it?
08:03I'm so lucky to have a man like Augustus.
08:06Strong, reliable.
08:08Whatever happened to that other blighter
08:10you used to be keen on, that Bertie Worcester?
08:12Oh, poor Bertie.
08:14He's still wildly in love with me, of course,
08:17but I had to tell him
08:18that there could never be anything between us.
08:20My heart belongs to Augustus, you see.
08:23Of course, if Augustus and I were ever to break up...
08:28I told you not to sing it.
08:30Come on in, come on in.
08:31I'm pretty handy with my fists, you know.
08:33Come on, Gussie.
08:34No, let me get at him.
08:35No, no, we'll go to the Blue Havoc.
08:37They'll let you sing there.
08:38Let me get at him.
08:41By now, it was five in the morning
08:43and we were in Trafalgar Square.
08:45Gussie got the idea there might be newts in the fountain
08:47and started wading about.
08:49You can't get wading about.
08:50You can't get wading about.
08:51You can't get wading about.
08:52You can't get wading about.
08:53You can't get wading about.
08:54You can't get wading about.
08:55You can't get wading about.
08:56You can't get wading about in Trafalgar Square fountain
08:58with all your clothes on.
08:59Well, Gussie did.
09:00Well, he wasn't pinched.
09:01He was.
09:02A cop came along and gaffed him.
09:04He was given 14 days without the option
09:06of Bosher Street Police Court this morning.
09:08Do you know what, Jeeves?
09:09I don't know, sir.
09:10Gussie Fink-Nottle's in stir.
09:13Gussie Fink-Nottle's in stir.
09:17You see the ghastly position, Jeeves?
09:19What is going to happen
09:20when Gussie doesn't turn up at Deverell Hall?
09:21Madeleine will make inquiries.
09:22You know what women are like for digging out the truth.
09:24Nothing puts an idealistic young girl off a fellow more
09:26than the news that he's doing 14 days in Chukie.
09:29Very acute observations, eh?
09:31There can be but one result.
09:32Gussie will get the bums rush
09:33and the bowed figure you will see
09:35shambling down the aisle at Madeleine Bassett's side
09:37while the organ plays the voice that breathes her Eden
09:39will be Bertram Wilberforce Worcester.
09:41I don't see why.
09:42Madeleine Bassett labels under the delusion
09:44that I'm madly in love with her.
09:46Well, when a girl thinks you're in love with her
09:47and comes to you and says
09:48that she's returning her betrothed to store
09:49and is prepared to sign up with you instead,
09:51what can you do except marry her?
09:53Well, it has to be civil.
09:55There is one possible solution, sir.
09:59You see?
10:00There is one possible solution, sir.
10:02Just like that.
10:03For your information, Catsmeat,
10:05Jeeves takes a size 14 hat, eats tons of fish
10:07and moves in mysterious ways his wonders to perform.
10:09Speak, Jeeves.
10:10Well, sir, to obviate the inquiries
10:12which would inevitably be set on foot
10:14should Mr. Fink-Nottle not present himself
10:16at Deverell Hall this evening,
10:18it would appear to me to be essential
10:20that a substitute purporting to be Mr. Fink-Nottle
10:22should take his place.
10:23You're not suggesting that I check in
10:25at this plague-pit ass Gussie?
10:27Unless you can persuade one of your friends to do so, sir.
10:30You can't go around London asking people
10:32to pretend to be Gussie Fink-Nottle.
10:34Well, at least you can, I suppose,
10:35but what a hell of a life.
10:37Besides, there isn't even...
10:38Catsmeat!
10:39Not on, old chap.
10:40They all know me at Deverell.
10:42Well, I can't do it.
10:43Apart from everything else,
10:44I can't even do a possible imitation of Gussie.
10:46You'll pardon me for pointing this out, sir,
10:48but the virtue of the plan is
10:49that there is no need for you to approximate
10:51the look or manner of Mr. Fink-Nottle.
10:53Nobody at Deverell Hall has ever seen him.
10:56Yes, but dash it all, Jeeves.
10:57They must at least have heard about him.
10:59I mean, let's face it,
11:00if Gussie's brain were constructed of silk,
11:01he'd be hard put to it to find sufficient material
11:03to make a canary a pair of camminickers.
11:05Five minutes' conversation with me
11:07and the old folks would penetrate the deception
11:09like a dose of salts.
11:10I'm sure that your cool head
11:12and undoubted thespian powers
11:14will see you through the day, sir.
11:16Jeeves, Jeeves, what are we letting ourselves in for?
11:19I regret to say that I shall not be able to accompany you
11:21on this venture, sir.
11:23Not be... Why not? Not, Jeeves.
11:25I'm sorry, sir.
11:26The Ganymede Club would not look kindly
11:28on a gentleman's gentleman
11:30sailing, as it were, under false colours.
11:50Mr Fink-Nottall, sir?
11:52No.
11:53Oh, yes, that's to say, yes, yes, Fink-Nottall, yes.
12:02I'd better be nipping up to dress, what?
12:04Don't want to be late for dinner.
12:05Dinner has already commenced, sir.
12:07We dine at 7.30 punctually at Deverell.
12:09Ah, so straight in and join the fray, you think?
12:11Such were Dame Daphne's instructions, sir.
12:13Right, lead on, then.
12:16Mr Fink-Nottall has arrived, Dame Daphne.
12:19Oh, good.
12:21Oh, the...
12:23Fink-Nottall, sorry, Fink-Nottall, Fink-Nottall.
12:25Mr Fink-Nottall, you're very late.
12:27You'll have to forego the soup and the fish.
12:29Oh, consider them forewent.
12:31Yes, sir.
12:32Well, is it all right if I sit here?
12:34Ah, Mrs Jolly.
12:38Allow me to introduce my sisters.
12:40Miss Emmeline Deverell,
12:42Miss Myrtle Deverell,
12:44Miss Harriet Deverell,
12:46and Miss Charlotte Deverell.
12:49Oh, the little Deverells, eh?
12:51Well, I'm Gussie Fink-Nottall,
12:53noted newt fancier.
12:54What did he say?
12:55He said he's a newt fancier.
12:57Is that why he's so late?
12:59And this is my daughter, Gertrude Winkworth.
13:12The nephew of a friend of mine is also meant to be here.
13:15I wonder if you know him.
13:16Mr Worcester.
13:17Bertie Worcester? Oh, yes.
13:18Well, I've not actually had the pleasure,
13:20but I've heard of him.
13:21Well, that's how I know his name.
13:23Apparently, he's completely irresponsible.
13:25Agatha says she often wonders
13:27if the kindest thing wouldn't be to put in some kind of home.
13:31Well, if that isn't just...
13:34Yes.
13:35Now, I wonder, has everyone heard the one
13:37about the fan dancer and the performing flea?
13:40No, actually, here's a better one.
13:42Yes, there are these three deaf chaps on a train,
13:45and it stops at Wembley.
13:46What's he doing?
13:47Mr Fink-Nottall is telling an anecdote.
13:50Anyway, there it is at Wembley,
13:52and one of the chaps says,
13:53Is this Wembley?
13:54And the other one says,
13:55No, it's Thursday.
13:56What did he say?
13:57He said, No, it's Thursday.
13:59No, it's not.
14:00It's Friday.
14:01I know, because I changed my library book.
14:03It's a joke, Charlotte.
14:05Thank you.
14:06So then the third one says,
14:08So am I.
14:09Let's go out and have a drink.
14:10It's a joke about drink, Charlotte.
14:12No, it's not about drink.
14:14It's about...
14:15Why did the first man bring up the days of the week?
14:19No, the first man is the one who says,
14:21Is this Wembley?
14:22No, that was the second man.
14:24Let Mr Fink-Nottall finish his joke before we judge it.
14:31Well, that was it, actually.
14:33Is it about tennis, perhaps?
14:35I don't care for jokes about tennis.
14:37No, it's subjects about tennis.
14:39No, I don't care.
15:02Good Lord, Jeeves!
15:03Good evening, Dan.
15:04What on earth are you doing here?
15:06I am performing my customary office, Mr Fink-Nottall,
15:09in attending Mr Worcester.
15:11But... Gussie?
15:13You're meant to be in court.
15:15Allow me to help you with that, Mr Worcester.
15:18What? Oh, yes.
15:20Worcester?
15:21You must be Mr Worcester.
15:23Yes.
15:25I beg your pardon?
15:26No, no, no, no.
15:27No, not me.
15:28No, I'm Fink-Nottall.
15:29You know, the new man.
15:37BIRDS CHIRP
15:55Good morning, sir.
15:56Never mind good morning.
15:57What on earth is going on?
15:58How did Gussie get out of stir?
15:59The magistrate decided on second thoughts
16:01to substitute a fine for the prison sentence, sir.
16:04I was unable to inform you
16:05since it happened while you were already on your way here.
16:08So Gussie is freed from Durant's vial
16:10and you scoop him up and bring him to Deverell Hall?
16:12Yes, sir.
16:13Why?
16:14It seemed the best possible course of action, sir.
16:17In the event of either of you failing to arrive,
16:19inquiries would have been instituted
16:21by either Mrs Gregson or Miss Bassett
16:24with disastrous results.
16:26To point out just one aspect of the matter, sir,
16:28Miss Bassett is expecting daily letters from Mr Fink-Nottall
16:31describing in some detail his life here.
16:34I hadn't thought of that.
16:35So, I'm Gussie and Gussie's me?
16:37Yes, sir.
16:38Well, ceaseless vigilance will be required
16:40if we're not to gum up the game with that crew downstairs.
16:42We shall be walking on eggshells.
16:44A very trenchant metaphor, sir.
16:52Hello, Gussie.
16:53Or rather Bertie.
16:54Well, this is a pretty state of things.
16:57Better than being in kink, though, eh?
16:59When you're in prison,
17:00at least you don't have people calling you Mr Worcester.
17:02How do you suppose I feel
17:03knowing that everybody thinks you're me?
17:05Well, I assumed you'd prefer it.
17:06Prefer it?
17:07Are you mad?
17:08Well, how do you think I'd feel?
17:09Do you realise that the little world of King's Devil
17:11is probably going to go to its grave
17:12believing that Bertram Worcester
17:14is an oversized gargoyle
17:15who looks like Lester de Pestering
17:16on an American comic strip?
17:17In case you are under any illusion,
17:19then let me inform you
17:20that those ants were pulling their skirts aside
17:22as I passed when I said I was Bertie Worcester
17:24and, as if that wasn't bad enough,
17:26you seem to have made my name mud, too.
17:28Something about trains and Wimbledon
17:30and the unthemely anecdote.
17:31What's going to happen if they tell Madeline
17:33I go about telling unthemely anecdotes?
17:35I advise stump denial.
17:36In any case, it wasn't an unseemly...
17:38Mr Worcester?
17:39Mr Fink-Nottle?
17:40What, O'Dame Daphne?
17:43Gertrude is on the terrace, Mr Worcester.
17:47Well?
17:50I thought perhaps you might want to talk to her.
17:53What about?
17:54Excuse us just a moment, will you?
17:57Gussie, I am meant to be down here
17:58wooing Gertrude Winkworth.
18:00Wooing?
18:01Wooing, courting,
18:02pressing one's suit, dallying with.
18:04I'm not going to do that.
18:05But you have to do it, Gussie,
18:06because you're meant to be me.
18:08You do your own dirty work.
18:09Suppose Madeline found out?
18:11Madeline won't find out.
18:12She's miles away in Wimbledon.
18:13Yes, Bertie thinks that after all
18:14he might actually just toss her out onto the terrace
18:16and have a quick word with Gertrude, don't you, Bertie?
18:18No.
18:19I'm sure she'd be very pleased to see you.
18:20Well, I...
18:21Yes, almost as pleased as I shall be
18:22to see dear old Madeline again.
18:23Yes, I've got so much to tell her.
18:25Well, you could...
18:27Oh, very well.
18:32Oh, what a charming fellow that Bertie Wooster is.
18:35He could charm the skin off a rice pudding.
18:37He seems very confused.
18:40Confused?
18:41Bertie Wooster?
18:42Never, no.
18:43One of the keenest minds of his generation.
18:49Hello.
18:50Hello, Mr. Wooster.
18:51I'm Bertie Wooster.
18:54Lovely morning, isn't it, Mr. Wooster?
18:57What is?
18:58The morning, the weather.
19:00Oh.
19:02Do you like newts?
19:04Newts?
19:05I've got...
19:06Gussie St. Nothing's got lots of newts.
19:09I really envy him.
19:11It must be really fulfilling to have that many newts.
19:16Morning, Mr. Paddy.
19:17Morning, madam.
19:20There you are, then.
19:24No letter from Augustus, Hilda.
19:26I do wish he'd write.
19:30I say, Bertie, what a charming girl.
19:33What? Who?
19:34Gertrude. Gertrude Winkworth.
19:36Is she?
19:37She wants me to sing tomorrow night.
19:39Sing?
19:40She'd heard from your Aunt Agatha what an expert you are
19:43on all this modern dance music.
19:45And if she thought I was you,
19:47she said I could entertain everyone after dinner tomorrow night.
19:50Can you sing, Gussie?
19:52Probably.
19:53What do you mean, probably?
19:55Well, I haven't tried yet, have I?
19:57I thought you could teach me a couple of those songs.
20:02Do you play the piano, Gussie?
20:04Yes. I'm better at the oboe.
20:06Really?
20:07No, I think the piano's the more usual sort of thing.
20:10Ah, now, this is a good one, yes.
20:12Shall I just play it through for you,
20:14give you the general idea, then you have a go?
20:16All right.
20:17One, two, three, four.
20:19PIANO PLAYS
20:22Some people make a fuss when a thing goes wrong
20:26Some start to swear and cuss, others sing a song
20:30I don't do either, that's all na-poo
20:34When a thing goes wrong with me, this is what I do
20:38I lift up my finger and I say toot-toot
20:41Shush, shush, now, now, come, come
20:45I don't need to linger when I say toot-toot
20:49Shush, shush...
20:50Hey, stop!
20:51Are you mad?
20:52Do you think I'm going to stand up in front of people
20:55and think, toot-toot, ha, ha, hee, hee, hee?
20:58No, the second one's shush, shush.
21:00What does it all mean?
21:01Well, it's the absolute denier creed, Gussie.
21:03As creed goes, it's about as denier as you can get.
21:06It's absolute gibberish.
21:08Well, if you want intellectual content,
21:10now, this is the one.
21:12Right, here we go.
21:19How do you feel when you marry your ideal?
21:23Ever so goosey, goosey, goosey, goosey
21:27How do you feel when the bells begin to peal?
21:32Ever so goosey, goosey, goosey, goosey
21:36Walking up the aisle in a kind of daze
21:40Do you get the wind up when the organ plays?
21:45How do you feel when the parcel's done the deal?
21:49Ever so goosey, goosey, goosey, goosey
21:54Oh, I like that. That's very good. Let me have a go.
21:57Gertrude will love this.
21:59She'd have to have a heart of stone...
22:01What do you mean, Gertrude will love this?
22:03Well, he's the one who wanted me to play.
22:05Madeleine never wanted me to play.
22:07Well, Madeleine doesn't think you're me.
22:09Don't you sometimes feel that Madeleine's a bit...
22:11well, soppy, Bertie?
22:14Madeleine? Soppy?
22:15All that business about baby bunny rabbits...
22:18and the stars being God's daisy chain.
22:20No, no, no, no, no, Gussie.
22:22No, Madeleine's beliefs are a bit out of the ordinary, perhaps.
22:24But sound, Gussie, extremely sound.
22:26No, I think it would be a grave mistake for you to think of her as soppy.
22:28Well, let's get on with it, shall we?
22:31Ah, jeez. Sorry to disturb you in your lair.
22:34Not at all, Sam.
22:36Well, I don't like the way things are going, Jeeves.
22:38Mr. Fink-Nottle appears to be besotted by this Gertrude female.
22:41I fear that this might be the case, sir.
22:43I suppose it's only to be expected.
22:45The sudden impact of a girl like Gertrude,
22:47plum-spang in the middle of spring on a fathead like Gussie,
22:50weakened through constantly swilling orange juice, must be terrific.
22:53But what are we going to do, Jeeves?
22:55I've taken the liberty, sir, of arranging a three-ball this afternoon
22:58between Miss Winkworth, Mr. Fink-Nottle, and yourself.
23:01Golf, Jeeves? At a time like this?
23:03With Gussie? He's a terrible golfer.
23:06I happen to know that Gertrude takes her golf very seriously.
23:08She plays off six. Such is my understanding, Sam.
23:11She'll see his abysmal putting and his frankly laughable game off the tee,
23:14and she'll cast him aside like a split betty.
23:19Jeeves, how could I ever doubt you?
23:22I could not say, Sam.
23:37Psst!
23:41Claude!
23:43Well, just where have you been, Mr. Potterpurrbrite?
23:46Been? Well, after that row with your mother.
23:49That was three weeks ago. You haven't telephoned me, you haven't written.
23:52Anyway, I'm here now, and I've decided I want you to elope with me.
23:58Oh, do you, Jack? Oh, good of you to let me know.
24:01Well, you can just jolly well go back to London and...
24:05Cat's meat?
24:07Shh!
24:09I'm in disguise. Pathetic, isn't it?
24:11What do you mean, that face, fungus? Oh, you fool of parrot.
24:14I'm your man. What do you mean, you're my man?
24:16You're valiant.
24:18It's the ideal way for me to come down here and see Gertrude incognito.
24:21My name's going to be Meadows.
24:23Are you mad?
24:25Mr. Fingoddle! Oh, my God.
24:27Oh, what's her name, Nefty?
24:29Don't I recognise you?
24:31Well, I hope so, yes. I was at dinner last night.
24:33No, you.
24:35No, no, I'm his man.
24:37Man?
24:39Lackey, sir, valiant.
24:41Your face seems very familiar.
24:44Yes, well, it's that sort of face, you know.
24:46You see them all over the shop.
24:48Anyhow, you may go about your business. I want to speak to your master.
24:53What's this I hear, Mr. Fingoddle?
24:55I beg your pardon?
24:57I've had a telegram from Madeline. Oh, yes?
24:59Madeline says she has not received a single letter from you
25:02since you arrived at the hall,
25:04and she is deeply distressed at your abominable neglect.
25:07And I'm not surprised.
25:09Oh, right, yes.
25:11Well, um, I'll dash off a line as soon as we get back from the golf.
25:14How about that?
25:16Please do, Mr. Fingoddle.
25:23Gentlemen, good morning, sir.
25:29Good morning.
25:33What brought this old Jewlock writing to Madeline?
25:35Madeline?
25:37Madeline. You all actually started sending telegrams about it.
25:39For all our sakes, Gussie, write to her.
25:41I am not at all pleased with Madeline.
25:43It was she who made me come to this ghastly place.
25:46I only consented on the understanding that she'd come to me.
25:49Then at the last moment, she coolly backed out on the flimsy plea
25:52that some school friend of hers needs her.
25:54She must be made to realise he can't do that sort of thing.
25:57I'm not going to write to her. It's a thought of the system.
26:00Gussie, for the last time, will you or will you not
26:03immediately compose an eight-page letter
26:05of breathing love in every syllable and post it to Madeline?
26:07Not.
26:09Come on, Bertie.
26:11Write to her.
26:21Catch up with the ladies.
26:27Catch up with the ladies.
26:58Excellent shot.
27:00Oh, well struck, sir.
27:02What club are you going to use here, Gussie?
27:05Same one. I simply press this button here.
27:08Click, it's a niblick. Click, click, it's a mashy niblick.
27:11Click, click, click, it's a mid-mashy.
27:13No further club required.
27:15Say goodbye to heavy golf-bag misery.
27:28Boppy, boppy, boppy, boppy.
27:43Not having much luck with that new club of yours, Bertie?
27:46No, well, it takes a bit of getting used to.
27:48You can't expect us to pick up a club like this.
27:50Here, let me have a go.
27:52You can use my clubs for the rest of the round, if you like.
27:57Boppy, boppy, boppy, boppy.
28:07Fine stroke, sir.
28:20Splendid.
28:24Bertie, you were wonderful.
28:28What are you doing here, Kathleen?
28:30Waiting for you.
28:32What does that blasted Fink-Nottle think he's up to?
28:35Gussie Fink-Nottle is a criminal lunatic.
28:37But he seems to be infatuated with Gertrude.
28:39Sorry to use such long words, Bertie.
28:41I mean, I come all the way down here to try to persuade Gertrude to elope with me,
28:45and I can't get near her for that blasted Fink-Nottle.
28:47Worse than that, he says he isn't going to write to Madeleine.
28:50You know how much importance girls of the Basset type attach to the Daily Letter?
28:53And he won't write. Not a line.
28:55He did with him passionately, I may say,
28:57but he simply put his ears back and refused to cooperate.
28:59If Madeleine doesn't receive a letter from Gussie swearing undying fealty,
29:02she's liable to come down here and beat one out of him.
29:05Jeez, I'm sunk.
29:07Well, sir, if Mr Fink-Nottle will not write to Miss Basset,
29:09perhaps you might write to her yourself.
29:11She doesn't want to hear from me. She wants to hear from Gussie.
29:14If it were indicated to Miss Basset that Mr Fink-Nottle had sprained his wrist
29:18and had to dictate a letter to you, sir?
29:20I say, what a wheeze.
29:22You were right about him, Bertie.
29:24Thank you, sir.
29:25If you were to say that Mr Fink-Nottle had given his wrist a nasty wrench
29:29while stopping a runaway horse
29:31and saving a little child from a hideous death,
29:34it might turn Mr Fink-Nottle's taciturnity to your advantage, sir.
29:37A golden-haired child is usually best in such circumstances.
29:43What a man, Bertie.
29:45What a brain.
29:47And all this is due to fish, you say?
29:49Never mind about Jesus' diet, Catsmeat. Writing paper in stanza.
29:52If Madeline's wither is to be wrung,
29:54we must catch a five o'clock post.
29:58Dear...
30:00Dearest.
30:02My dearest.
30:15And now, for a real treat,
30:18Mr Worcester has kindly consented to entertain us all
30:21with some songs at the piano.
30:48Moors and friends were courting
30:50The wedding day drew near
30:52Said Fred to Moors one evening
30:54I wish you'd tell me, dear
30:57How do you feel
30:59When you marry your ideal
31:01Ever so goosey, goosey, goosey, goosey
31:05How do you feel
31:07When the bells begin to peal
31:10Ever so goosey, goosey, goosey, goosey
31:15Well, if this doesn't bring Gertrude to her senses, nothing will.
31:18Don't mind, Catsmeat.
31:26I say, Jeeves, this is dash decent of you.
31:28Doing your normal stint as well as pandering to Gussie's every whim.
31:31Oh, Mr Fink-Nottle's whims are few and far between, sir.
31:34Well, are we surprised, Jeeves?
31:36Shut away in Lincolnshire, surrounded by newts,
31:38and with nothing to fortify the spirit but orange juice,
31:40and nothing to look at but the Boston Stump,
31:42surely even the strongest whim would wither on the vine.
31:44A lesson to us all, sir.
31:46Was the musical entertainment a success, sir?
31:48From our point of view, Jeeves, a blinder.
31:50Gussie will shortly be banished to his room,
31:52a broken and rejected man.
31:57Do you get the wind up when the organ plays
32:01How do you feel when the past's done the deal
32:05Ever so goosey, goosey, goosey, goosey
32:13Isn't he marvellous? He's just like Jack Buchanan.
32:19He is like Jack Buchanan, yes.
32:24Oh, I love Jack Buchanan.
32:29Gertrude says he's like Jack Buchanan, Charlotte.
32:32Oh, is he?
32:43Telegram for Mr. Fink-Dottle.
32:45Thank you, Tom.
32:48Telegram for Mr. Fink-Dottle, Meadows.
32:52Singing was bad enough before
32:54with the added magic ingredient of stage fright.
32:56I have to say, it's a rather odd sight.
33:00The entire audience feels the same.
33:03I don't know why.
33:05Why don't you say it, Mr. Fink-Dottle?
33:07Well, it's because I've seen it.
33:09Well, that's a bit of a double-edged sword, isn't it?
33:11It's a bit of a double-edged sword,
33:13but it's a bit of a double-edged sword.
33:15It's a bit of a double-edged sword,
33:17but it's a bit of a double-edged sword.
33:19of stage fright. it's an absolute calamity Bertie. I know I heard it. no you
33:25don't understand they loved it. what? well you've heard about people being
33:30lionized. I often wonder what it looked like and now I know. Gussie? but he was
33:34making most frightful row. well the whole grizzly crew seemed to think it was
33:38wonderful and Gertrude's all over him too. that's it we're finished. she loves his golf
33:44she loves his singing. he's got a telegram too. who'd be sending telegrams
33:47to Gussie? go on. go on what? open it. I can't he's addressed to Gussie. well
33:55it's probably for you. go on. no Catsmeat. code of the Worcesters restrains me. well
34:02wouldn't restrain me. no well the code of the Worcesters is more rigid than the
34:06code of the Catsmeats. a Worcester cannot open a telegram addressed to another.
34:09pardon me for intervening sir but perhaps it would alleviate the ethical
34:13pressure you find yourself under if I were to open the communication and read
34:17it out loud. sterling notion chief sir. it's from miss Bassett sir. letter received
34:29cannot understand why not had reassuring telegram. sure you concealing accident
34:34terribly serious. fever anxiety fear worst. unless hear from you soon will
34:40arrive by earliest train. love kisses Madeline. well that's...
34:49ah now Gussie I've got to talk to you. I'm sorry Bertie I haven't got time.
34:53there's a lovely full moon. Gertrude and I are going out for a walk. I'm just going to
34:57get a muffler. oh by the way you remember pestering me yesterday to write to Madeline.
35:01well I've done it. I wrote to her this afternoon. why are you looking like a
35:06dying duck? because I wrote to her for you yesterday. what do you mean for me?
35:09well I thought I said you couldn't. you were indisposed. something about a horse.
35:12I forget the details. a horse? you do the most extraordinary things Bertie. anyway
35:18it really doesn't matter because what I said in my letter was everything was off.
35:22off? I've broken the engagement. I've been feeling for some days now that Madeline
35:27although a nice enough girl just won't do. my heart belongs to Gertrude.
35:34bye Bertie.
35:39...
35:45housebreaking during the hours of daylight is a most serious offence sir.
35:49I have got to intercept that letter before Madeline Bassett reads it. you don't have
35:53to be involved Jeeves. you just start the car and keep the engine running. very good
35:56sir.
35:58...
36:00...
36:02...
36:04...
36:06...
36:36...
36:38...
36:40...
36:42...
36:44...
36:46come on Pansy.
36:48...
36:50...
36:52...
36:54...
36:56...
36:58...
37:00...
37:02...
37:04...
37:08you can leave the sitting in for now Jane. I'm just going in there.
37:12yes ma'am.
37:14...
37:16...
37:18...
37:20...
37:22...
37:24...
37:26...
37:28...
37:30...
37:32Oh!
37:38Ah, good morning, Madeline.
37:40Good morning, Hilda.
37:42There's no letter from Augustus again.
37:44I'm so worried, Hilda.
37:46I think I shall go down to Denver by an earlier train.
37:49If there isn't a letter, all it means is that that other fellow, Worcester,
37:53has got fed up with having Gussie dictate letters to him.
37:56He's dippy about you, isn't he?
37:58He loves me very, very dearly.
38:00It's a tragedy.
38:02I can't describe to you, Hilda,
38:04the look of dumb suffering in his eyes when we meet.
38:08My photograph!
38:10What?
38:11It's not on the table. It's gone!
38:13I expect Jane smashed it.
38:15She smashes everything that isn't made of sheet iron.
38:18I'll go and ask her.
38:21Oh, quiet, Pansy.
38:23What's the matter, you silly ass?
38:27Pansy!
38:35Gay-fish, you...
38:37Hilda!
38:38Oh, Hilda, what are you doing with that gun?
38:41I don't know.
38:43I don't know.
38:45I don't know.
38:47I don't know.
38:49What are you doing with that gun?
38:51There's a damned man behind the sofa.
38:53No!
38:55All right, you.
38:57Come out with your hands up.
38:59No, you don't!
39:04I can't see!
39:06Sir, over here.
39:08All right, you stop where you are, my lad!
39:11Come back here!
39:15We don't want no trouble!
39:20It's empty!
39:25Come back here!
39:27It's empty!
39:29It's empty!
39:31It's empty!
39:33It's empty!
39:35It's empty!
39:42I'll get you!
39:44I'll get you!
40:01Morning, Constable.
40:06Mr. Worcester, this is a most horrible crime of which you stand accused.
40:11In all my years on the bench,
40:13I've never before been called upon to preside over such a case as this.
40:17That such a desperate crime could be perpetrated in Wimbledon in broad daylight
40:22will bring a shudder to every right-thinking person.
40:25Have you anything to say in your defence before I pass sentence?
40:29Well...
40:31He did it for love, Your Honour!
40:35For what?
40:37Love! I'm not ashamed to say it!
40:40And who, my dear, are you?
40:43My name is Madeleine Bassett.
40:46I am the unworthy object of this gentleman's adoration.
40:51He's a very lucky young man, Miss Bassett.
40:54Not so, Your Honour.
40:56I am betrothed to another.
40:58But Bertie has gone on worshipping me,
41:00outwardly gay and cheerful,
41:03inwardly gnawed by a ceaseless pain.
41:07Go on.
41:09I ought to have given him my photograph long ago,
41:12but I thought it would be too painful for him, Your Honour.
41:15A sad reminder of all that he had lost.
41:18No, no, be quiet!
41:20I see now that I was wrong, Bertie.
41:23You found the strain too great to bear.
41:26You had to have it, whatever the cost.
41:29So, you stole into the house and took it.
41:34You're a very fortunate young man, Mr. Worcester,
41:37to have this girl speak up for you.
41:40The case is dismissed.
41:42Oh!
41:45You must be brave, Bertie.
41:48I have to go to Augustus now.
41:50He needs me too.
41:52Someday, another girl will come into your life
41:55and you will be happy.
41:57When we are both old and grey,
41:59we shall laugh together over all this.
42:03Laugh.
42:04But I think with a tear behind the smile.
42:09How sad life is.
42:14You betcha.
42:16Fetch the car, Jeeves.
42:18She's going down to Devon Hall on the next train.
42:20We've got to get there before her.
42:21Very good, sir.
42:28Hi, Mrs. Gregson.
42:30Oh, Madeleine.
42:31You're not going to Devon too, are you?
42:33I most certainly am, child.
42:36You'll pardon me saying so, sir.
42:39What is it, Jeeves?
42:40The needle on the speedometer indicates
42:42that we are travelling at 85 miles per hour.
42:46Good Lord, is that all?
42:58Is that all?
43:02If I might remark on the smell of burning, sir.
43:05Burning?
43:06I'm sure it's the consequence, sir.
43:08Not burning.
43:09That's the good smell of hot oil and pounding pistons.
43:12The monkey of Britain, the ideal running temperature...
43:28I'm so glad you could come down, Agatha.
43:31Just in time to announce the engagement, I should think.
43:34Oh, Mummy.
43:35Bertie, he is engaged.
43:37Such a delightful boy.
43:39To Gertrude, a very perfect genteel knight.
43:42Abstemious.
43:43There must be some mistake.
43:58Talented.
44:00Oh, no, no.
44:01Intelligent.
44:02Surely not.
44:03Ah, Gertrude, I'd hoped I'd find you...
44:07Gertrude, you're all right.
44:11Madeline!
44:12Pardon me, Madeline.
44:13Would you kindly not touch Bertie in that way?
44:15He doesn't like it.
44:16Bertie?
44:17What do you mean, Bertie?
44:18It's all Bertie Worcester's fault.
44:21What is happening?
44:22Is this man not well?
44:25What is happening?
44:26Is this man not Bertie Worcester?
44:28Of course he is not Bertie Worcester.
44:31Gertrude, what have you been doing?
44:33He said he was going to marry me.
44:35Ah!
44:36Madeline, I can explain.
44:40Oh, the journey we had.
44:42We'd completely gone.
44:45Claude!
44:46Claude!
44:48It can't be.
44:49He's a wicked man.
44:50I tell you, he's a wicked man.
44:52He's sick.
44:53Go.
44:54Stop crying.
44:55But if he's Pink Nottle, who's the other one?
44:58Ah, what a devil's all.
45:01Claude.
45:02Claude.
45:03I've been such a fool.
45:05Oh, of course, I'll marry you.
45:07Let's leave right away.
45:08Oh.
45:09Right.
45:10Pardon me, Mr. Potter Purbright,
45:12but I wonder if I might borrow your moustache.
45:15Sorry, I'm a sludge.
45:16I had to pop up to Wimbledon to see dear old Madeline.
45:19She's well, you know.
45:20Very Madeline-ish, if you know what I mean.
45:22But then...
45:23Bertie!
45:25Ah!
45:27Aunt Agatha, this is a surprise.
45:29I want an explanation, Bertie.
45:32And...
45:33And I want it now.
45:35He said he was Mr. Pink Nottle.
45:37Yes, yes.
45:40The thing is, Aunt Agatha...
45:42All right, Scotland Yard,
45:43I'm looking for one Bertram Wilberforce Wooster.
45:46Scotland Yard?
45:49That's me.
45:50Then I am arresting you, Bertram Wilberforce Wooster,
45:53on charges relating to the possession of an illegal golf club.
45:56Will you come quietly?
45:58Brilliant.
45:59That is brilliant.
46:00Now then, less of that.
46:01Let's have no funny business.
46:06Scotland Yard!
46:09Oh!
46:10The shame of it!
46:13What a wheeze, Jeeves.
46:15I'm glad to have been of service, sir.
46:17You know, Jeeves, if someone were to come to me
46:19and ask if I'd be willing to join a society
46:21whose aim will be the suppression of arts,
46:23or who will at least see to it that they are kept on a short chain
46:26and not permitted to roam at will scattering desolation on all sides,
46:29I'd reply, Wilberham, if his name was Wilberham, that is.
46:33Wilberham, put me down as a foundation member.
46:36I'm sure such a society would not be lacking for subscribers, sir.
46:40Subscribers, eh?