Taskmaster AU S04 E08
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00:00That's a shocking start.
00:04Tom!
00:13Yep, that's it.
00:14Where's Tom?
00:23No!
00:24I'll help you.
00:27Let me out of here!
00:31APPLAUSE
00:39Hello and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:41I am Tom Gleeson and I would like to start this episode
00:44with an earnest dialogue to all the people out there
00:47that this show means so much to, you know,
00:49and I know it can help you get through the tough times in life.
00:52And I'd like to say, from the bottom of my heart,
00:54I'm only in it for the money. Stop contacting me.
00:58Now, you can contact these guys instead.
01:00Welcome our cast.
01:22And next to me, it's the guy who always goes to the hospital
01:25when he gets pins and needles because he takes no chances.
01:28It's Tom Cashman.
01:34Another show, another show and tell.
01:36It's prize task time.
01:37That's right. Our first task is a prize task.
01:39Each of our contestants have brought in a prize for tonight
01:41and the winner of tonight's episode will take home
01:43all five of those prizes.
01:44Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in
01:46what they consider to be...
01:51OK.
01:52Wakka, if you please.
01:53Yes.
01:54I bought a PowerPoint.
02:02I wish, I really wish they speak, the cute voice.
02:06They said, oh, I'm tired, don't use too much energy,
02:11global warming, you know.
02:13Have they got different voices, Wakka?
02:15Yeah, that one, that one is a lazy one, lazy.
02:20Oh, again.
02:23This one's quite positive, Wakka.
02:25Yeah, hello.
02:26Hello again.
02:27That one's a bit like a surprise.
02:31I was sleeping.
02:32All right.
02:33Tommy, what did you bring in?
02:35There is a guy that lives near me that opens his house as a shop
02:38and I bought this old-timey bar man.
02:42And his name's Charlie Weaver, but I just think he's cute
02:45and old-timey.
02:46OK.
02:47Wakka, what would he sound like?
02:50Do you want a drink?
02:56Emma, what did you bring in?
02:58I brought in a drawing that I've done.
03:00Oh.
03:03Oh, my God.
03:04OK.
03:05I feel like this is a trap.
03:07Why did you draw that?
03:10Well, like, she's quite cute, don't you think?
03:14LAUGHTER
03:16I'm not sure what the right thing to say is.
03:19I specifically asked that they laminated it
03:21in case you got in contact with it.
03:23Oh!
03:25Is he like that? Yeah.
03:27Oh, I was going to ask you to house him, but I've got three cats.
03:30LAUGHTER
03:33I'd really like to hear Wakka do the voice now.
03:36Yeah, me too.
03:37Wakka, what would the cat sound like?
03:40Do you want a drink?
03:47Dave, what have you brought in?
03:49Yeah, this is an antique rocking horse
03:52that has been passed down through the generations
03:56from my wife's side of the family, so...
03:58Is this just you getting rid of something old?
04:00Yeah.
04:01Yeah, this is not hard rubbish night.
04:03No, it looks cute, doesn't it?
04:05Wouldn't you love to, you know...
04:08Hang on, hang on.
04:10Hang on.
04:11What did you think the horse would sound like?
04:18Well, Wakka's the expert.
04:20Do you think that's what the horse would sound like?
04:22No, no, it's a cute sound. It should be a cute sound.
04:24Like what?
04:25Do you want to ride me?
04:30I've just turned Wakka into my toy.
04:33OK, Lisa, what mute thing did you think would sound cute?
04:36I kind of went with the first thing that popped into my mind
04:39when I read the question, and it was Tom Cashman.
04:42Oh.
04:45I... Could you do the voice?
04:46No, no, no. He can do the voice.
04:48Can you do that again?
04:49Do you like a few cocktails?
04:52OK, all right.
04:53Well, I guess I should hand out some scores.
04:55I think you should.
04:56I hate to say it, but it's supposed to be a mute thing
04:58and you're not mute.
04:59Nope.
05:00So, Lisa, one point.
05:01Oh.
05:02I just didn't like the look of the rocking horse.
05:04He looked a bit mangy, I think, is he?
05:06So I'm giving it two points.
05:08Tommy, three points for the bartender figurine.
05:10OK.
05:11You helped over the line a bit by Wakka's voice work.
05:13Absolutely.
05:14I'm going to give four points to Emma's disturbing picture
05:16that she drew.
05:17So you admit it's cute?
05:19No, I'm more trying to appeal to the kind of person
05:22that watches this show, so...
05:25I'm trying to appeal to nerds.
05:29I think it looked a bit ****ed up, to be honest.
05:32And then that means...
05:33I mean, we can't go past Wakka.
05:35Five points!
05:36CHEERING
05:40OK, let's keep going into a task.
05:43Bluey, Dora the Explorer, Postman Pat, all business rivals.
05:46Our contestants wish to see them all burn.
05:49Come in.
05:51Hi, Tom-Tom.
05:52Good to see you.
05:53Could I ask you to please take a handful of letters?
05:56Big handful or little handful?
06:02Could you put the bookmark into the dictionary, please?
06:07OK, Tom-Tom.
06:08I'm going to ask you to take a handful of letters.
06:10Big handful or little handful?
06:13Could you put the bookmark into the dictionary, please?
06:18What now?
06:19You may open the task.
06:21Where is the task?
06:22Is it in my pocket?
06:24It's in here.
06:25Is it jam?
06:26Should I eat the dictionary?
06:28If it's jam, I won, but if it's task, I will.
06:34Oh, that is...
06:35I could get used to that.
06:37Yum.
06:38Yum.
06:40Create and debut a children's character.
06:43Your character's first name must be spelt from your handful of letters.
06:47And its second name must be a word on the dictionary page
06:51your bookmark landed on.
06:53Most marketable children's character wins.
06:56You have 45 minutes.
06:58Your time starts now.
07:01All right, let's do it.
07:03Sorry.
07:04All right, here we go.
07:06Rat, rat, rat, rat, ring.
07:10I got titty.
07:11Oh, my nipple.
07:13I've got both weird and wet to work with.
07:15Ralph, Raymond, Rihanna.
07:18Titty or foot?
07:20It's either reliever, relaxer, rejigger.
07:23That doesn't matter.
07:25The characters are more important.
07:27You want to make your character an animal
07:29because that's inclusive.
07:31I think I might actually make it an underwater character.
07:34Gary Wett who likes to have a bet and he's an anti-gambling character for kids.
07:39And so he's had a negative experience with gambling in the past?
07:42Lost everything.
07:43Tiddy-a-foot answers all the questions.
07:45Why is the sky blue and why does mum live in a different house?
07:49I found a few things in the dress-up box.
07:52That's a hat for you.
07:53Not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet, just eight years.
07:56He's constantly got a long neck, is his first thing.
08:00Should I give him huge titties?
08:01Most marketable children's character wins, but it doesn't say marketable to children.
08:05So I'm going for dads.
08:06Sorry, it's alright.
08:07I'm still thinking about my character.
08:09Is this too much?
08:10Not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet.
08:14So many ideas.
08:15Could you please get dressed like a child?
08:18So just to be clear, they just had to create a children's character and what am I looking
08:26for in particular with it?
08:27Most marketable children's character wins.
08:28Most marketable children's character, okay.
08:30So let's find out which of these children's characters are going to have the cut through.
08:35Debuting Tiddyafoot, it's Emma Holland.
08:38Welcome one, welcome all.
08:40It's Tiddyafoot.
08:41There's a Tiddyafoot, I don't know which way to look.
08:47It's hard to make eye contact when she walks in.
08:51She has shoes upon her hands, politically where does she stand?
08:55Parents love Tiddyafoot, mostly dads.
08:58She will teach me right from wrong, all within a little song.
09:03She will answer questions with her big red smile.
09:08What answers do you seek?
09:10Tiddy saw you take a peek.
09:11If you must know the answers, double D. Ask me any questions now, just make sure you don't
09:19look south.
09:20Tiddy only speaks the truth, eyes up here.
09:23Hi Tom.
09:24I've got a question.
09:26Yeah, what's your question?
09:28Is Tiddyafoot single?
09:29Hmm, guess I'll never tell.
09:32I'm Tiddyafoot.
09:43I didn't know that prize task and that task would be in the same episode.
09:49They come from the same brain, so who cares?
09:51Does it really matter how far apart they're placed?
09:54Yeah, sometimes it's better if they're pushed together.
10:02Have you been on a comedy writing camp with Tommy Little?
10:06Sorry.
10:07So, how would you market this to children?
10:09I don't feel like it would appeal to children.
10:10It didn't say market it to children.
10:12It's a children's character, but it had to be marketable, so I've marketed it to dads.
10:17Dads are watching that, I'm telling you right now.
10:18I know.
10:19Mate, I've already booked tickets.
10:20I don't know.
10:22Yeah, I get it, but I'm just saying I'm not sure that a children's network would pick
10:26this up.
10:27Well, why not?
10:28You wouldn't be able to put it anywhere.
10:29Why not?
10:30Because it's not a children's character.
10:31But can't you just put it on the internet and let the children find it?
10:35Thank you, Hughsy.
10:37Hughsy just really wants Tiddyafoot on the internet.
10:40OK, just worried it wasn't very inclusive.
10:42It's just very heteronormative, you know.
10:45You said it appeals to dads, what about gay dads?
10:48Gay people could love tiddies too.
10:51OK, stay tuned for some more tiddy.
10:54We'll be back after the break.
11:08Welcome back to Taskmaster.
11:10Your mature patience is much appreciated through the break.
11:13But don't worry, we're resuming the infantile challenges now.
11:16Yes, it's a task for the immature ones.
11:18Our competitors are all vying to create the most marketable children's character.
11:21Debuting Gary Wett, it's Tommy Little.
11:23Hello, my name's Gary Wett.
11:25What do you want to be when you grow up, Gary?
11:27I can be anything I want to be.
11:32Well, my future looked bright, but there was a racetrack in sight.
11:36And so I decided to have a little punt.
11:39And I bet on all the dogs, and now me life's a slog.
11:43I've lost so much, I thought I could munt.
11:47I've even bet on trots, and now me life's hit rock bots.
11:51And everyone says, Gary Wett, you dumb c***.
11:55A message from Gambling Australia.
11:57Gamble responsibly.
12:05Tommy Little's doing accents again.
12:10Was that a wise move?
12:12Wasn't a bad one.
12:14I actually think you're on to something here.
12:16Because I think that in terms of marketability,
12:18I'm just saying it was very misguided.
12:20He said the C word!
12:23Yeah, I know, but it was like poorly thought out,
12:25and there was a lot of colour brown there.
12:27I just feel like a government agency would pick this up straight away.
12:29Absolutely.
12:30They'd be throwing money at you.
12:32I agree.
12:33I feel insane.
12:34Well, you were a bit pissed off before,
12:36and I was just wanting to see just how much further I could push that.
12:39And it turns out it didn't require much effort at all.
12:42Alright, the children and horny dads are crying out for more Lister Tom.
12:46We're getting aquatic.
12:47Debuting Ryan the Rejigger and Matt Manta Ray.
12:50It's Dave and Lisa.
12:51Ryan the Rainbow Trout Rejigger here.
12:56I am a fish,
12:58and I would prefer to hang out of the water
13:01to catch my fellow fish.
13:03Matt Manta Ray was a very beautiful coloured manta ray,
13:07but he didn't have any friends because he was different.
13:11Then one day, after a shark attack,
13:14and all of these poor little manta rays
13:17were left without their parents,
13:20they were yummy manta rays that we just ate.
13:23Hello, Ryan.
13:25What are you up to today?
13:27You rejigging rascal?
13:29I'm fishing.
13:31I don't know why our voices sound the same.
13:33I don't know either.
13:35Maybe you have a limited range.
13:38Farewell.
13:39Piss off.
13:41And then he took a very deep dive
13:43and went to the depths of the ocean,
13:45but the sharks pursued him fast.
13:48Oh no!
13:49There's a shark coming my way!
13:53And the shark takes his leg.
13:56And then, just when they thought things couldn't get any worse,
14:00all of a sudden, there is the giant crayfish.
14:05I'm going to save you, Sammy the Seagull!
14:09Sammy, run!
14:11Thank you, Ryan!
14:13That was the best rejigging anyone's ever done!
14:16And the giant crayfish welcomed them
14:19into the safety of his claws.
14:22And the moral of the story is?
14:24Always have a friend bigger than you.
14:33So, Lisa, I have to say, flawless voiceover work.
14:36I mean, it was play school worthy.
14:38But do you always dress up for your voiceover work?
14:41Because at the end of it, we saw that you were dressed like Nemo,
14:44but I don't think you actually had to do that.
14:46That was actually because it's really important sometimes
14:48to dress to get you into the voice.
14:50I think it helps.
14:51And why did I have to dress like a crab?
14:53Because you were inspiring me also.
14:56And it makes you feel part of it.
14:58I've kind of felt like, you know,
15:00it just made the whole thing feel much better.
15:03OK.
15:04The moral was to always have a friend bigger than you.
15:07I actually think that's a good idea.
15:09For all the kids, I always said that to my kids.
15:11Either throw the first punch or, you know, have a bigger friend.
15:18All right.
15:19Hey, Susie.
15:20Yes.
15:21That, like, I was trying to make sense of yours.
15:23It was a bit...
15:24It was a bit out there.
15:25Yeah.
15:26I did it and I still needed subtitles, to be honest, so...
15:29Yeah, so your character was a fish?
15:31Yes.
15:32That goes fishing?
15:33Yeah.
15:34Is this...?
15:36My understanding of the plot is that a smaller fish went fishing,
15:39got a bigger fish, and then the shark was the villain,
15:42and then together the bird and the fish got rid of...
15:44You could argue the moral was always have a friend bigger than you.
15:47Ah!
15:48Wow.
15:52OK, well, I'm glad you cleared that up for us, that story,
15:55cos it was very confusing to watch.
15:57And I was thinking, I was worried that, you know,
15:59all those children's books that you wrote with your wife, Susie?
16:01Yeah, still available.
16:02Yeah, I suspect...
16:03I suspect she did all the writing.
16:05She did, and we're up for another one,
16:07so she need to get to work.
16:10I wasn't expecting you to admit that straight away.
16:15OK, let's hope I see some dollar signs in this last one.
16:18Debuting tree-bite Donovan and tricky Madis,
16:21it's Takashi Wakasumi.
16:24Animal kingdom.
16:26Everyone friends.
16:28Another peaceful day.
16:30Then one bad enemy came to the kingdom.
16:34Hey, animals.
16:36His name is Tree-Bite Dogman.
16:39I hate you!
16:41Oh, my God.
16:43Dammit!
16:45I'm going to kill them all.
16:47Why?
16:48He hurts everyone so badly.
16:50Everyone's suffering.
16:52Then...
16:53Wait!
16:54Superhero came to help.
16:57My name is Tricky Madis.
16:59You should die!
17:02So hard.
17:04Crazy.
17:05Fighting.
17:06You guys OK?
17:07No!
17:08And finally...
17:11He defeat Dogman.
17:14And another peaceful day come back.
17:18But who is Dogman?
17:20Oh, my God.
17:22He was animal.
17:23We all animal.
17:26We should be all friends.
17:29And study hard.
17:31Animal.
17:32Animal.
17:34Animal.
17:35Friends with everyone.
17:37See you next week.
17:43I bloody loved it, Waka.
17:45That's how it's done.
17:47That is exactly what children's TV is like.
17:49There's a hero, there's a villain.
17:51You watch it.
17:52You got no idea what the f*** is going on.
17:55But kids just love it.
17:56Yeah.
17:57It was perfect.
17:58And the message there.
17:59Friendship.
18:00Victory.
18:01Effort.
18:02Study hard.
18:03Yes.
18:04Yes.
18:05Very important.
18:06I just thought it was fantastic.
18:07All right.
18:08So I guess I've got to score these.
18:09I'm going to give one point to Tommy Little.
18:10OK.
18:11Because unfortunately it's very hard to market a character that says the C word.
18:14I think two points to Husey.
18:16Because it's just a bit hard to understand.
18:18Three points to Emma.
18:19Because I just think it's hard to market tits to children.
18:24Four points to Lisa.
18:25Yep.
18:26Because it was quite a simple story and a great message.
18:29And just because it was so easy to market.
18:31So easy to understand.
18:32I just loved it.
18:33Five points to Walker.
18:38OK.
18:39We need to go to a break while I make our contestants sign away their character IP to me while under duress.
18:45See you shortly.
18:59Welcome back to Taskmaster.
19:01I just come from backstage where I run the whole network as a favour.
19:06Cashman, what's next you cheeky little bugger?
19:08Another task.
19:09This one goes out to Mark Schwarzer.
19:23Hi Dave.
19:24Hello Tom.
19:25Hi Tom.
19:26Good afternoon.
19:27It's morning.
19:28Maybe people are watching in the afternoon.
19:30I think they'll watch it at night.
19:32Maybe they're recording and watching.
19:34Good afternoon.
19:35Good morning.
19:36Good evening.
19:37Anything.
19:38I like this.
19:39What about it?
19:40I like soccer.
19:41Do you want me to read this?
19:43Yes please.
19:44OK.
19:45Nice day for it.
19:52This is the goal there.
19:54Two mats.
19:55You must shoot from the closer mat whilst blindfolded.
19:58Or from the further one whilst Tom is blindfolded.
20:02Once a mat has been selected, you cannot change.
20:05You cannot move either mat.
20:08You must say your last name before each shot.
20:11This tempt wins.
20:12You have 20 minutes.
20:14Your time starts now.
20:15Alright, let's do it.
20:20Let's have a hack.
20:21Who's putting the boot in first?
20:22One hasn't gotten blind for years.
20:25It probably is right now.
20:26It's Dave and Tommy.
20:27This is so easy for me.
20:29Because, you know, I just want to kick the ball at you as hard as I can.
20:33OK.
20:34So why wouldn't I just go to the closer mat and blindfold myself?
20:37I think I'm going to blindfold you, man.
20:40I'm going to stay where I am.
20:41Did you ever play soccer?
20:42Nah.
20:43I have you pegged as a field hockey guy.
20:45I did play some field hockey.
20:47Did you?
20:48Yes.
20:49I'm looking to do this in one go.
20:51Oh!
20:53Ah!
20:54Boo!
21:04I didn't hear your last name being yelled before your shot.
21:08Oh, my God!
21:10Why did you let me celebrate so much?
21:15Oh!
21:17I hope this one hits you in the nut.
21:21Use!
21:24Little.
21:26Oh, my gosh!
21:28I'm so sorry.
21:32That was closer, man.
21:34This one's nut central for you, Cashman.
21:37Oh, no!
21:38Oh, for God's sake.
21:42Did you block it?
21:43I saved it.
21:44Use!
21:45Use!
21:46Use!
21:47No!
21:48Ah, round!
21:51Oh!
21:52God has forsaken me!
21:56Ah!
21:57What did you do that for?
21:58Use!
22:01Come on!
22:04Oh!
22:07No!
22:08Little.
22:14Use!
22:17Come on, come back!
22:20Use!
22:21That's going in.
22:23Oh!
22:25Here we go.
22:26I think this is it.
22:27Use!
22:33Yeah!
22:36Goal!
22:40Goal for the bridge!
22:42Goal!
22:43In your face!
22:45Loser!
22:47Loser!
22:49Thanks, Tom.
22:50Thanks, Tommy.
22:53Yep.
22:59So, Tommy, were you deliberately trying to take out the cameramen
23:02so they wouldn't film your embarrassing attempts?
23:04I was just so shattered because I thought I'd hit it on my first shot.
23:09Yeah.
23:10You just let me celebrate for so long.
23:13When that's, you put your T-shirt over your head,
23:15you did the full soccer celebration.
23:17No, and what you didn't see is I did about four laps of that over.
23:20I only stopped because I was exhausted.
23:23And so, as soon as he got it in, you knew he hadn't said his name?
23:26Did you?
23:27I knew from before it even went in.
23:31Why did you do that pantomime then?
23:34Because when I said, why didn't you tell me, you had the director
23:37and stuff come in and you pretended like you only just found out.
23:41It's called managing the talent's emotions.
23:44So, Hughsy, you decided to do it from further back,
23:47which is what I would have done, but you didn't kick straight.
23:49I thought you would have kicked very straight.
23:51I was pretty good, but some of his stops were bizarrely, like,
23:56it was Matrix shit going on there, so...
23:59Now, Hughsy, when you finally got it in, you ran up
24:02and you just had a moment where you were going to lift your shirt
24:04and then you went, no, you decided not to.
24:06It was the briefest of moments, you got it in and you were running
24:10and you were like, yay!
24:14Why do you have second thoughts there?
24:16Because I want people to watch this show, so...
24:19OK, so I feel like we need some scores there.
24:21So, Tommy, if he had said his name, would have got it in one go.
24:24That's right.
24:25OK, but how did he go?
24:26Tommy got it in seven attempts.
24:28OK.
24:29Dave Hughes got it in 13 attempts.
24:31Ooh, still pretty good.
24:33Yeah.
24:36OK, Casper, let's see some more fluky tape, shall we?
24:40Two of them have played soccer, the other played Maggie Doyle
24:43and one of the healers is Waka, Emma and Lisa.
24:46Well, I'm going from this, Matt, I'm not getting blindfolded.
24:49I might try a closer one.
24:50OK.
24:51Are you ready, Tom?
24:52Do I look like me?
24:55All right, Holland.
24:59Where's the ball?
25:01Where's the ball?
25:02All right, Holland.
25:06W-A-K-A-S...
25:10Not yet, not yet, not yet.
25:11I need to touch the ball, right?
25:13Where's the mat?
25:14Where's the mat?
25:15How long have you played soccer for?
25:16I don't want to say cos it'll be embarrassing
25:18if this doesn't go in.
25:19OK.
25:20Holland.
25:25W-A-K-A-S...
25:28Yes!
25:29Yes!
25:30How do you feel?
25:32Genuinely, a bit disappointed.
25:34I think I should have done it the first go.
25:36But, yeah, Tommy, Dave, they might play AFL footy,
25:41which means they're not good at kicking.
25:43And Lisa?
25:44She...
25:46I think she doesn't know how to kick a ball.
25:48I'm sorry.
25:49I shouldn't say that, but...
25:51OK, McKeown.
25:52MUSIC PLAYS
26:10Oh! Oh, my God!
26:12The first one!
26:14Oh, my gosh!
26:16Thanks, Lisa.
26:18Oh, my God.
26:19Unbelievable.
26:20Wow.
26:21Lisa McKeown, in acting circles,
26:22I believe we call that a one-take wonder.
26:24Yeah, and I'm very, very proud of that moment.
26:26Once again, Australian soccer,
26:27we just showed that the women are better than the men.
26:29Yeah.
26:30I think that was great.
26:31It was a mighty effort.
26:32Walter, would you like to apologise to Lisa?
26:34You were quite certain that she would be bad at soccer.
26:36I'm very, so sorry.
26:37I'm very...
26:38Did you think I was going to be bad?
26:40Yeah.
26:41Why?
26:42I just could not imagine.
26:43I just couldn't imagine.
26:44I just couldn't imagine.
26:45I just couldn't imagine.
26:46I just couldn't imagine.
26:47Oh.
26:48I'm very sporty.
26:50I knew now.
26:51Yeah.
26:52So, Emma,
26:53did you say you were disappointed
26:54because you didn't get it in straight away?
26:56Because you play soccer.
26:57Yeah, I play competitively, yeah.
26:58And you score a lot of goals.
27:00I score a lot of goals.
27:02Can I just say,
27:03they didn't celebrate...
27:04Did all of you celebrate properly your goals?
27:06Oh, no.
27:07Oh, you cut it out,
27:08which was very kind of you.
27:10Yeah.
27:11Emma did a bit of a titty-a-foot impression.
27:17OK, well, what are the scores?
27:19Emma took four shots,
27:20Waka took three,
27:21and Lisa got it in one shot.
27:25That means,
27:26Dave gets one point,
27:27Tommy gets two,
27:28three for Emma,
27:29four for Waka,
27:30and Lisa wins the task with five points.
27:34And in terms of our overall episode scores,
27:36we've got Emma and Lisa tied on ten points,
27:38but Waka's in the lead with 14 points for the episode.
27:42OK.
27:43Now, go get your Lisa forgot.
27:45I'll round up my Waka lads,
27:47and in the break,
27:48we'll meet outside the tube station
27:50and have the f***ing lot of use.
27:52See you soon, mugs.
28:07Welcome back to Taskmaster,
28:09the show where Emma Holland has made
28:11both a horny cat and a horny puppet.
28:14Horny cat and a horny puppet.
28:16And good news for horny Emma,
28:18this next task is about pleasure.
28:32Hey, Tom.
28:33Hi, Tommy.
28:34How are you?
28:35I'm OK.
28:36Ah, I love a conch.
28:38LAUGHTER
28:41Make the most pleasurable sound...
28:43Whilst being most unpleasurable to look at.
28:45LAUGHTER
28:46Most pleasurable sound whilst being
28:48most unpleasurable to look at wins.
28:51You have 20 minutes.
28:53Your time starts now.
28:55Oh, one half of this I can do,
28:57the other half is going to be a struggle.
29:00Bro, that's so nice.
29:01Just listen to that.
29:03I can just listen to that all day.
29:05But... Oh!
29:06Ouch!
29:07I nicked myself.
29:08I did.
29:09Are you bleeding?
29:10I'm bleeding.
29:11I got an ouchie.
29:12She sells seashells by the seashore,
29:14but she also stabs motherf***ers with them.
29:17I've got so many favourite sounds.
29:19I love that.
29:20Ah!
29:21Ah!
29:22Ah!
29:23Ah!
29:24Ah!
29:25Ah!
29:26Ah!
29:27Ah!
29:28Ah!
29:29Ah!
29:30Ah!
29:31Ah!
29:32Ah!
29:33Ah!
29:34Ah!
29:35Ah!
29:37tadadadadada
29:38ah!
29:39I hate most instruments.
29:42Can you play the keyboard?
29:43I can play a simple chord or two.
29:45Okay. Can you teach me?
29:46Sure.
29:47Are you going to change your appearance?
29:48Or are you happy with where it's at?
29:50eniz
29:51haha
29:52That's not...
29:53come on.
29:54Come on!
29:54I want a face painting thing.
29:56Oh, I hate face painting.
29:57Oh, you don't like it?
29:58Very, umm...
29:59pleasurable.
30:00You know that upside down kissing scene in Spider-Man.
30:02It's gross, isn't it?
30:03Mmm.
30:04I'm thinking about upside down lips.
30:06Yeah, that's no good.
30:08I'm going to go in there. I'm going to come out.
30:10Oh, baby!
30:12You cannot afford
30:14what you're about to see.
30:16APPLAUSE
30:18APPLAUSE
30:20Yeah, I'm with you, Lesser Tom.
30:22Is it unfair that Hughsy only has to make a sound?
30:24LAUGHTER
30:26LAUGHTER
30:28LAUGHTER
30:30OK, alright. Who are we hearing from first?
30:32His voice is already as pleasurable as it gets.
30:34It's Dave Hughes.
30:36HUMMING
30:48HUMMING
30:56HUMMING
30:58HUMMING
31:00Oh, that is the voice of my wife.
31:04This is it.
31:06I love the way you pack the dish, also.
31:10I love the way you fold the clothes.
31:18Oh, no.
31:21Has there been an accident?
31:23Did I have a nip slip?
31:27Oh, no.
31:29You dropped something.
31:31You better pick it up.
31:35Oh.
31:43Ooh.
31:47Ooh.
31:49Thanks, Dave.
31:50Party's over, mate.
31:53Go back to normal programming.
31:57Ooh.
32:00Ooh.
32:04Well, I'd just like to say to my kids,
32:06you can have tomorrow off school.
32:15I mean, I shouldn't have doubted you, Hughsy.
32:19You had another gear.
32:22What's the thinking?
32:24What?
32:26I think you nailed the visual element.
32:28I mean, that nip slip will give children nightmares
32:30for weeks to come.
32:32But I want to question the sound.
32:34It's supposed to be a very pleasurable sound.
32:36Yeah, my wife's voice is very pleasurable,
32:39so I was being my wife.
32:41She won't be happy to hear that, but...
32:43Does she say these things to you through a traffic cone?
32:47Where's that fit in?
32:49I'm not quite sure.
32:50I think that was to a siren, like a sea siren,
32:53like a mermaid.
32:54You know mermaids?
32:56Yeah, you got that.
32:57Lisa got that.
32:58I got mermaid.
32:59You got that?
33:00It was a mermaid.
33:01I did, I got that.
33:02OK, Cashman, we might need a palate cleanser
33:04for everyone who just got traumatised by Hughsy's crack.
33:07OK, next to optimise their pleasure-to-non-pleasure ratios,
33:10Emma, Lisa and Waka.
33:12OK, Tom, I want you to just relax,
33:16close your eyes and imagine that it's a stormy night
33:19and you're deep in sleep and you can hear this on the roof.
33:26LAUGHTER
33:37Pleasure!
33:52Do I have something in my eye, like a void or an absence?
33:57LAUGHTER
33:59Ah!
34:02Ta-da!
34:09Am I done?
34:10I think I won.
34:12Thanks, Waka. Thank you.
34:13See you, Tom.
34:21LAUGHTER
34:27OK, so, Waka, the sound of pins being knocked over sounds great.
34:31That's great. Sounds like victory, sounds good.
34:33Best time, yeah.
34:34So, what do you think is pleasurable
34:36about dropping a grill on a barbecue?
34:37I was looking for that, like, symbol thing,
34:39but I couldn't find it.
34:41Yeah, well, maybe you could have just left it out.
34:43LAUGHTER
34:44I don't know.
34:45But also, after the barbecue, you finish, clean up,
34:47and, bam, that's also a pleasure moment.
34:50LAUGHTER
34:52But what about the visual element?
34:53You don't like kiss make-up.
34:55Yeah, that's very scary.
34:57So, you're not a fan of kiss?
34:58No. OK.
34:59I'm a big fan of you.
35:01OK.
35:02LAUGHTER
35:04Emma, a very pleasurable sound,
35:06the sound of a xylophone played beautifully,
35:08and just... But you kind of went very...
35:09Just very simple eye out, bleh.
35:11Is that pleasurable to you?
35:13No, no, not pleasurable at all.
35:14So, I've done my job.
35:15LAUGHTER
35:16APPLAUSE
35:19Woo!
35:21Yeah, I mean, it was quite horrific to look at,
35:23but you've got to remember, you're part of a continuum,
35:25part of a spectrum that includes Hughsy with no shirt on.
35:28LAUGHTER
35:29Now, Lisa, I reckon you bloody nailed it.
35:33Really? Because, I mean, you've got the sound of rain
35:35on a tin roof is a beautiful sound.
35:37Yeah. And you look like a f***ing nightmare.
35:39LAUGHTER
35:41There was a lot of hair.
35:43You were like, couldn't see your face, you had a fright...
35:45Well, you look like something from a Korean horror film.
35:48It was frightening.
35:49I'm really happy.
35:50If you're happy, I'm happy.
35:51OK, what's a palate cleanser, but for the ears and the eyes?
35:54Whatever it is, my brain is screaming out for one.
35:57Back soon after this break.
35:58APPLAUSE
36:11Welcome back to Taskmaster,
36:12a show awful for those with misophonia
36:14due to its quantity of bad noises,
36:17such as a broken xylophone or Hughsy's voice.
36:19What's next?
36:20It's the last part of a make-a-pleasurable-sound-
36:23-while-looking-unpleasurable task.
36:25Finally, being hot is a disadvantage for him.
36:27It's Tommy Little.
36:28HORN HONKS
36:30HORN HONKS
36:32LAUGHTER
36:35HORN HONKS
36:38I'm behind.
36:39I feel like that was good, like, we got that one in the can.
36:42LAUGHTER
36:43Let's go again.
36:45HE MUMBLES
36:47HE COUGHS
36:49HE COUGHS
36:51Stop moving it.
36:52LAUGHTER
36:54OK, 45 seconds.
36:55Are we going again?
36:56OK, cap's on, hat's on, and I'm ready to...
36:59HE MUMBLES
37:00Are you ready to play?
37:01HORN HONKS
37:02HE MUMBLES
37:03HORN HONKS
37:04HE MUMBLES
37:05HORN HONKS
37:06HE MUMBLES
37:07HE MUMBLES
37:08I feel like you didn't blow, mother...
37:10HORN HONKS
37:11HE MUMBLES
37:12HORN HONKS
37:13HE MUMBLES
37:14HORN HONKS
37:15HORN HONKS
37:16HE MUMBLES
37:17I thought that...
37:18HORN HONKS
37:19HE MUMBLES
37:20HORN HONKS
37:21HE MUMBLES
37:22HORN HONKS
37:23HE SIGHS
37:24LAUGHTER
37:25Wow.
37:26That felt like something.
37:28WHISTLE BLOWS
37:29It was definitely something.
37:31Are we happy?
37:32I feel like you're quite happy in the character.
37:34What character?
37:35LAUGHTER
37:36Should I reveal you?
37:38No, no.
37:39No, no!
37:40LAUGHTER
37:41Oh, shit!
37:42My whole undercarriage is out.
37:44HE MUMBLES
37:45LAUGHTER
37:47Do you have a name?
37:48Bellity.
37:49Bellity? Bellity.
37:50I hope you don't mind me saying this,
37:52but that's a very fancy name.
37:53Bingo!
37:54Yeah!
37:55HE MUMBLES
37:57APPLAUSE
37:58LAUGHTER
37:59APPLAUSE
38:00APPLAUSE
38:01APPLAUSE
38:02Oh!
38:03So good.
38:04APPLAUSE
38:05Tommy, you lost yourself in that character a bit, didn't you?
38:07Yeah.
38:09We stopped filming and I was still there for about 20 minutes.
38:12I mean, visually, it was quite hideous.
38:14It was hard to look at.
38:15But the problem is, you made a sound.
38:17So the...
38:18..is part of the...
38:19HE MIMICS SOUND
38:20You are technically correct,
38:21but you know when you just sew in something?
38:23Oh, you can see that.
38:24Yeah.
38:25LAUGHTER
38:26It's...
38:27It's good stuff.
38:29All right, well, I feel like I need to hand out some scores here.
38:32Yep.
38:33OK, very easy.
38:34One to Tommy Little,
38:35because, unfortunately, those two sounds blended together.
38:37One?!
38:38Yeah.
38:39HE MIMICS SOUND
38:40Yeah, I know.
38:41But, unfortunately, there needed to be a pleasurable sound.
38:44I mean, the sound wasn't particularly great.
38:45Visually, though, it was a bloody nightmare.
38:47I'm going to give three points to Wakka.
38:49Yep.
38:50Because I think there was a pleasurable sound there,
38:51but then you smashed a barbecue, kind of took the edge off it.
38:54I'm going to give four points to Emma.
38:55Scary makeup, eye out of the head, beautiful sound, xylophone.
38:57Can't fault that.
38:58But it was a thing of nightmares from Lisa McKeown.
39:01I don't know what that was,
39:02but I will be seeing it in my nightmares from now on.
39:04And the sound was beautiful.
39:05Am I allowed to give my five points and swap with Tommy?
39:08Because I loved what he did.
39:10But what about the age team and what about what I did?
39:12LAUGHTER
39:14I...
39:15LAUGHTER
39:17It's just...
39:19It's so great.
39:21Thank you so much, Lisa.
39:23HE MUMBLES
39:25Oh, my God.
39:27HE MUMBLES
39:29Susie, do you want to give me a kiss?
39:31CHEERING
39:33This is on my...
39:34HE MUMBLES
39:35Oh, my God.
39:36LAUGHTER
39:38APPLAUSE
39:42I was just saying before, you never take your wins when you win.
39:46You've come here to dirty up your image.
39:48Yeah.
39:49Take the points and gloat.
39:51Yeah.
39:52Show us how to gloat.
39:53We haven't seen it yet.
39:54But that would dirty up my image.
39:57Like...
39:58LAUGHTER
40:02Oh, God.
40:03LAUGHTER
40:08OK, let's race towards the end
40:10and get them all on stage for the live task.
40:12CHEERING
40:17What are we staring down the barrel of here, Lisseton?
40:19Before we read the task, I'm going to ask Tommy,
40:21who is currently coming fifth in this episode,
40:23to choose a ball to stand in front of.
40:25Ooh!
40:26Dave, could you please choose a ball?
40:28LAUGHTER
40:30Seemed.
40:31Emma?
40:32Lazy.
40:33Lisa?
40:35Oh, just...
40:36Instead, the girls are on the end.
40:38And Rucka.
40:39CHEERING
40:40Come on, come on.
40:41You can move it, Tommy.
40:43LAUGHTER
40:47Get that tongue working, man.
40:49LAUGHTER
40:51I got it.
40:54Turn your exercise ball into a world globe
40:57with your selected item.
40:59You must be wearing your boxing gloves throughout.
41:02Most geographically accurate world globe wins.
41:06You have 180 seconds.
41:08I'm going to ask you now to open the boxes,
41:10which I don't use them yet or anything, but just open them up.
41:13Oh, f**k.
41:15LAUGHTER
41:16Ow.
41:17OK, so Emma's got shaving cream,
41:19Husey has Vegemite,
41:20Tommy has mustard...
41:21I meant to open it.
41:22..Rucka has jam...
41:23LAUGHTER
41:24..and Lisa has Silly String.
41:25Are we ready?
41:26We've got three minutes.
41:27Three, two, one.
41:30WHISTLE BLOWS
41:31F**k, I can't open it.
41:33Shit.
41:34Oh!
41:35Oh.
41:36LAUGHTER
41:40F**k, what's at the top?
41:42Australia?
41:43Africa?
41:44LAUGHTER
41:51What's on the other side?
41:52I think I'm the worst.
41:53We're only half way.
41:54I don't think you are, Waka.
41:55I haven't got a country on here yet.
41:56It's fine.
41:57LAUGHTER
41:58How many continents are there?
41:59One minute left.
42:00Oh!
42:01Hey!
42:02Hey!
42:0350 seconds.
42:06Oh, shit!
42:07LAUGHTER
42:08I'm really sorry.
42:09I am so...
42:10LAUGHTER
42:1430 seconds left.
42:15CHEERING
42:19Woo!
42:2010, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
42:30WHISTLE BLOWS
42:31Step away from the globes.
42:32CHEERING
42:33Step away from the globes.
42:34OK.
42:35They've all had a spin with their globes.
42:37Let's spin through this ad break.
42:38See you soon.
42:39CHEERING
42:52Thanks for sticking around for Taskmaster.
42:54We've got our live task results remaining
42:56before our big episode winner.
42:58Yes, they've all just competed
43:00to create the most geographically accurate globe
43:02on an exercise ball out of some gross and some delicious stuff.
43:05Let's see how they did so you can score them.
43:08All right.
43:09So, the first globe we're going to be seeing is Lisa's.
43:11LAUGHTER
43:12OK.
43:13With silly string.
43:14Yep, that's Indonesia.
43:16LAUGHTER
43:17That's the Philippines.
43:19I'm really having to use my imagination there, I'll be honest.
43:21But you had a really late start there, Lisa, I noticed.
43:24Yeah, it was tricky to work with.
43:25But, you know, can't blame your tools.
43:27Yes.
43:28Next, we have Waka.
43:29LAUGHTER
43:33OK, Waka.
43:34A little bit of overspray there from Lisa as well.
43:36Sorry, Alan.
43:37I feel like this looks like what the Earth will look like
43:40after a nuclear incident.
43:42LAUGHTER
43:43So, next up, we have Tommy.
43:44This is the mustard-based globe.
43:46Is that Africa? That's Africa, yeah.
43:48Africa, Europe. Europe at the top.
43:49Oh, I can see that.
43:50Oh, there's Australia.
43:51Australia, New Zealand next to it.
43:52Yeah, that skid marks New Zealand, yeah.
43:54LAUGHTER
43:55OK.
43:56It's not bad.
43:57Next, we have Dave's.
43:58Oh, OK.
43:59LAUGHTER
44:00Looks like...
44:02Looks like Husey's had an accident at the gym.
44:04LAUGHTER
44:07What countries are we looking at there, Husey?
44:08I think that's one of them.
44:10And, you know what I've done?
44:12I've turned the globe upside down
44:14because why can't Australia be on top of the world?
44:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:19What else do we have?
44:20Our final globe is from...
44:22All right. OK.
44:23Oh!
44:25Europe, Africa.
44:27There's Australia. Oh, New Zealand.
44:28We can see that.
44:29Look at the Americas.
44:31It's also terrain accurate,
44:32so the bits that are taller are the tallest parts of them.
44:35LAUGHTER
44:36All right, well, I've got to score these.
44:37I think there were two that sort of had countries on them
44:39and three that didn't. Yep.
44:41So, at the bottom, I'm going to put Lisa with one point.
44:44OK. Two points to Waka,
44:45because it was just pretty much an exercise ball covered in jam.
44:48LAUGHTER
44:49Three points to Husey,
44:51who just looks like he tried to paint a world map using his arse.
44:54LAUGHTER
44:55Four points to Tommy,
44:57because I could make out heaps of countries there,
44:59but I could make out even more countries on Emma Holland.
45:01Five points to Emma.
45:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:05OK, before I give you the episode scores,
45:07I've got some series scores to share.
45:08Dave Huse is in fifth place at the moment in the series
45:11on 103 points.
45:12Pretty good.
45:13We've got Lisa on 111,
45:15Tommy on 117,
45:17Waka on 130,
45:18and Emma Holland out in front with 139 points for the series.
45:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:26But in this episode,
45:28Emma and Waka are both on 19,
45:30which means we go to a tiebreaker.
45:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:36So, here's Waka and Emma down at the beautiful Taskmaster Lake.
45:39They're skimming a stone, a la Lloyd Langford in series two.
45:42Most skims wins.
45:44Are you a seasoned stone skimmer?
45:46I actually am.
45:48Oh, wow. You're good at it?
45:49Not good at it, but I think I love that.
45:51I do have, like, a moderate level of confidence.
45:54This is good. I think this is...
45:57Yeah? I'm going to go with this one.
46:10LAUGHTER
46:13APPLAUSE
46:15Thanks, Emma.
46:19APPLAUSE
46:23So, in case it wasn't clear, there, Emma had one skim.
46:27Waka, six skims.
46:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:31Waka is the winner of this episode.
46:34All right, Waka, get up on that stage
46:36and claim your mute little cuties.
46:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:40So, what have we learned?
46:41We learned Emma has a horny preoccupation with cutesy characters.
46:46We learned on top of her gold Logies,
46:48Lisa also has a golden boot.
46:51And we learned from Tommy Little...
46:53LAUGHTER
46:55Help our winner, Waka, celebrate their victory,
46:57and we'll see you next time.
46:58Goodnight!
46:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:15Yeah, it's time to party.
47:17OK.
47:21Can we cut that out?
47:22I'm so sorry.
47:23Tommy!
47:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:26I've always thought you're a bit of a weird unit, but that is awful.
47:29Is that...? I don't know how to react to that.
47:31LAUGHTER