Taskmaster AU S04E07
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00That's a shocking start.
00:04Tom!
00:12Yep, that's it.
00:14Where's Tom?
00:22No!
00:24I hate you.
00:26Let me out of here!
00:40Hello and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:42It's another week and yet again they have succeeded in shaving my body down,
00:46lathering it in oil and slipping me into my Tom Gleeson skin suit.
00:50I am, of course, Carl Sandilands and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:56And competing for this trophy of my golden noggin,
01:02five people who are definitely not Carl Sandilands.
01:05They are Dave Hughes.
01:07Emma Holland.
01:10Lisa McHugh.
01:13Takashi Wakasugi.
01:15And Tommy Little.
01:17Hello.
01:18And sitting next to me, a man who, when he uses a urinal, he has the trousers and undies down around his ankles.
01:24It's Tom Cashman.
01:29Alright, slap as a prize task on the grill, please, lesser Tom.
01:32Of course, our first task is a prize task.
01:34Each of our contestants have brought in a prize.
01:36And the winner of tonight's episode will take home all five prizes.
01:39Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in what they consider to be the most disappointing purchase.
01:45Ooh.
01:46Okay.
01:47Disappoint me, Wakka.
01:48I bought a grinder pepper.
01:51Ooh.
01:52Ooh.
01:54So, because you never finish the pepper inside.
01:58Because always the grinder part is broken.
02:01Wakka, no question on technique though.
02:03Some people grind from here, but some people like to get a bit of height and grind from here.
02:07Why are you so horny all the time?
02:13I'm talking about pepper.
02:17Isn't it good to see the comedy of Tommy Little back again?
02:22Alright, Emma, what did you bring in?
02:24Well, it's probably easier if I just show you.
02:27Okay.
02:31So, this is a taxidermied rat with a vacuum cleaner.
02:34I thought it was going to be alive.
02:39So, you were disappointed because you thought it was actually going to just start to clean your house.
02:43Yeah.
02:45The vacuum's so small, it would have to empty it so often.
02:49Well, that's not my problem and that's not what I'm paying him for.
02:52Alright, Dave, what did you bring in?
02:55I brought in a purchase that my wife purchased.
02:58It wasn't my purchase.
02:59It is anti-dandruff shampoo.
03:01I don't use it often enough and she's really disappointed by that.
03:06I'm happy with this shirt tonight because the other night I was wearing a really dark shirt and our wardrobe really had to work extra hard in the ad breaks to...
03:15Yeah.
03:16You wouldn't have needed a little rat with a vacuum cleaner to clean it all up.
03:19LAUGHTER
03:22Uh, Lisa, what has disappointed you?
03:25I purchased a churros maker.
03:28Um, and look, I did use it once and they just came out a little soggy and a bit kind of flaccid.
03:33So, they...
03:35Just calm down, Tommy.
03:37Sorry, sorry.
03:38Just, you can let some through to the keeper, mate.
03:41That was such a good one!
03:43Um...
03:44Well, they look tasty.
03:45I think it's a good...
03:46Well, they are.
03:47I think you just have to put a lot more oil in and really get the fat going on them to make them nice and stiff.
03:50Oh!
03:56Nobody wants a floppy one.
04:01Penis.
04:07Sorry, I've just been calmly waiting for an edit point.
04:11Tommy, what did you bring in?
04:14When I was learning to fly planes, you had to buy the study stuff and it was all quite expensive.
04:18And one of the items in it was an EB-6 flight computer that calculates wind.
04:23And I'm like, this is going to be unbelievable.
04:26I can't wait to get this new computer.
04:27This is what it is.
04:29LAUGHTER
04:32It's just a spinny wheel, Tom.
04:34Looks pretty cool to me. It probably works.
04:36But it was $1500 bucks with the books.
04:39I thought the computer was the big ticket item...
04:42Yeah.
04:43...of the $1500 bucks.
04:44And it's just a spinny wheel.
04:45But that is an actual computer.
04:46What do you mean?
04:47A computer is just something that computes.
04:49I know you think you're being smart now, but if you were...
04:51No, no, no. I don't think it. I know it.
04:54LAUGHTER
04:55If you were, there's one person clapping.
04:58LAUGHTER
04:59Being smart's not popular and I don't give a shit.
05:01I'd rather be smart.
05:03I'd rather be unpopular and not thick like you, Tommy.
05:06LAUGHTER
05:07I know how to fly a plane, Tom.
05:08LAUGHTER
05:13All right, well, I've got to score this.
05:15The least disappointing for me was Tommy,
05:17because he was disappointed by a computer,
05:18which was clearly a computer.
05:20LAUGHTER
05:21So one point to Tommy.
05:22Two points to Dave.
05:23OK.
05:24You said it's more disappointing for your wife.
05:25I'm going to say Emma's taxidermy rat.
05:27You must have been so excited.
05:29Then, unfortunately, it was dead,
05:30so it didn't actually vacuum anything.
05:32Then I'm going to give Lisa four points
05:33for the electric churros maker,
05:34because it's...
05:35Yeah, it does sound like it created
05:37some very disappointing churros
05:38that, um, look like cocks.
05:41LAUGHTER
05:42I didn't say that, but thank you.
05:44LAUGHTER
05:45But I'm going to give five points to Waka,
05:47because of his disappointing pepper shaker,
05:48because he can never get all the peppercorns out.
05:54OK, another disappointment.
05:55I now give you the appointment
05:57of doling up a proper task, Lester Tom.
05:59Very well.
06:00We're back to the warehouse
06:01for a photo shoot with hundreds of people.
06:18Hey, Tom Tom.
06:20God, this is spectacular, isn't it?
06:23Magnificent location.
06:25This is a cool place.
06:26I like it.
06:27It's a weird spot to have a hat.
06:35Take up to 100 photos of yourself
06:37somewhere in this warehouse
06:38and wear this red hat in one of them.
06:40You must take all your photos from the same spot.
06:42Your photos will be edited together into one photo.
06:46A photo that makes the Taskmaster
06:48take longest to find red-hatted you wins.
06:51You have 20 minutes.
06:52Your time starts now.
06:55How can I hide red-hatted me?
06:57It's rather bright.
06:58The best bet would probably be
06:59to have other red stuff in it.
07:05So, essentially, I just have to find
07:07whichever of them has a red hat on in the photo.
07:09That's it.
07:10That's right.
07:11So it's like Wes Wally.
07:12Well, generic, red-stripey, hidey glasses man.
07:14Why are you not saying it?
07:15Because of...laws?
07:18What are you frightened of?
07:20Red tape?
07:21Red tape, then white tape, then red tape, then white tape.
07:28Alright.
07:29Well, I'm going to need to see the screen for this one.
07:31So, through the magic of television
07:33and your puny muscles, Lisa Tom,
07:34move me into position.
07:36Okay, Dave Hughes is up first.
07:40I've got my timer ready.
07:41Are you ready?
07:42Happy to play.
07:43Alright.
07:44Ready.
07:45Go.
07:46Alright.
07:47It's very menacing, by the way, I should say.
07:49Straight up.
07:51Okay.
07:52Can you just zoom into the centre?
07:54Keep going.
07:55Yep.
07:56Zooming.
07:57You didn't say stop zooming.
07:58That's enough.
07:59Stop.
08:00Stop zooming.
08:01Thanks.
08:02Go.
08:03Think we need to go to the right.
08:07Maybe zoom out first.
08:11Stop zooming.
08:12To the right.
08:13It is confronting.
08:14Right.
08:15Stop.
08:16Zoom in.
08:17I think I can see him.
08:18Found it.
08:19Right there in the centre.
08:20Little head poking out.
08:21Yeah, that's correct.
08:26Respectable time.
08:27One minute and 12 seconds.
08:28Alright.
08:29To find the Dave Hughes wearing the red hat.
08:31Yeah.
08:32Is this a bad time to say I'm colour blind?
08:35Alright, let's keep playing.
08:36Alright.
08:37Emma Holland is up next.
08:38You ready?
08:39Yep.
08:40Oh, God.
08:41Oh, there's red everywhere.
08:42Okay.
08:43I've got to see.
08:44Have a look here.
08:45If I was Emma, where would I put it?
08:46I'd put it far away from the camera.
08:47So I'm going to go.
08:48Can you just zoom in to the top left corner?
08:51Because I'm thinking that's what you do.
08:52Keep going.
08:53Zoom in further there.
08:54Top left.
08:55Oh, stop.
08:56Oh.
08:57It looks like it's...
08:58Just go up a bit.
08:59Okay.
09:00What am I looking at now?
09:02Oh, yeah.
09:03I can see it.
09:04Oh, where is it?
09:05The bottom of that ladder.
09:06Just right in the centre.
09:07That is correct.
09:08Not on her head.
09:11Does that matter?
09:12Did you specify that it had to be on the head?
09:14You have to be wearing the hat.
09:15It's up to you whether that counts as wearing, I guess.
09:17I guess...
09:18It's not a traditional wear.
09:19That's wear.
09:20You've just got to wear it somewhere on your person.
09:21Do you?
09:22You could disqualify her straight away.
09:23You found red-hatted Emma in one minute and nine seconds.
09:29Not bad.
09:30Can I just say, you have no idea what it feels like playing this game with a room full of
09:36nerds behind you.
09:37Yeah.
09:38Who is so desperate to yell out the answer.
09:42You know, it's like I'm sitting in front of Reddit.
09:46You know what I mean?
09:48And I don't like it.
09:50Alright, time for some advertisements.
09:52We'll see you soon and I'll be looking for more red hats.
09:55Welcome back to Taskmaster where someone in our crew has taken a hundred photos of our contestants
10:14and then put them all together in a collage.
10:17What a sicko.
10:18That's right.
10:19Our contestants have taken up to a hundred photos, we've put them all together and only
10:23one of them is wearing a red hat and you've got to find the red hat as quickly as possible.
10:27Next up, you have Lisa McKeown.
10:28Okay.
10:29Ready, set, go.
10:31Okay.
10:32Oh, God.
10:33Oh, there are hats everywhere.
10:35I can see all of them.
10:36Found it.
10:37In the foreground, she's wearing it there.
10:39At the front to the right.
10:40That's wearing it, isn't it?
10:41She's holding it on her head.
10:42Yeah, found it.
10:43Okay.
10:44Is that it?
10:46Are you wearing it?
10:48I can't remember.
10:49I did it so many times.
10:51So Lisa's approach here was that she, in her view, wasn't technically wearing them except
10:56in one.
10:57Oh.
10:58But I think the precedent that we set with Emma has made the Taskmaster be, I suppose,
11:01more liberal with what constitutes a wear.
11:03Oh, no.
11:04Well, if Emma was wearing it on her front, then Lisa was wearing it several times in this particular
11:09picture.
11:10I found it as soon as the photo came up.
11:11Oh, my God.
11:12Oh, no.
11:13I know.
11:15Up next, we have Tommy Little's photo.
11:17Ready, set, go.
11:18All right.
11:19Where is he?
11:20Where's that little hat?
11:21He's hiding it.
11:22Go to the back of the picture, please.
11:24Right in the centre.
11:25Zoom in.
11:26Zoom in.
11:27He'll be right at the back there somewhere, alright?
11:29Yeah.
11:30Shut up, Hughes.
11:31Ooh.
11:32All right.
11:33Zoom back out again, please.
11:35Stop.
11:36Okay.
11:37All right.
11:38This is like a very low-stakes version of CSI, isn't it?
11:42I reckon there's a lot of middle-aged women who have had this dream.
11:47I feel like it's not that different to what prison would look like, to be honest.
11:53I was going to say, it looks like prison.
11:56Okay, let's just zoom out a bit, please.
11:58Zoom out.
11:59Okay, go left.
12:01Because I'm also thinking there's a big blank space to the left.
12:04There it is.
12:05Found it.
12:06It's on top of that rib box.
12:07Yes.
12:08That's correct.
12:09It's an effective method.
12:11Yes.
12:12There's a whole wall of Tommies.
12:13I should have noticed the absence of Tommies on the left.
12:16Yes.
12:17So the distraction worked.
12:18You took one minute and 56 seconds.
12:20Okay.
12:23Well done, Tommy.
12:24All right.
12:25Waka is our final contestant.
12:26Ready, set, go.
12:29All right.
12:30Ooh.
12:31Lots of red there, lots of red there.
12:32I'm looking around.
12:33Waka has instituted the bin method.
12:35Yeah.
12:36As a distraction.
12:37It's very good.
12:38Found him.
12:39Wow.
12:40Third bin from the left at the back.
12:41Wow.
12:42That is correct.
12:45Good technique though.
12:47Okay.
12:48So what time did Waka get?
12:49You found it really quickly.
12:50It only took you 15 seconds.
12:52Ooh.
12:53Ooh.
12:54Waka, did you have to get out of the bin and then they move the bin and then you get in?
12:57Or could they wheel it with you in it?
12:59I wheeled them around a hundred times.
13:00Did you?
13:01Oh.
13:03That was so stinky.
13:05Yeah.
13:06That was very stinky.
13:07Just to recap the times, we had Lisa with 10 seconds.
13:11Waka only 15 seconds.
13:12Emma you found in 1 minute and 9 seconds.
13:14Dave, 1 minute and 12 seconds.
13:16And Tommy, it took you 1 minute and 56 seconds.
13:19Which means, Lisa gets 1 point.
13:20Waka gets 2.
13:21Emma gets 3.
13:22Dave gets 4.
13:23But Tommy wins the task with 5 points.
13:24Okay.
13:25Another task please, Lisa Tom.
13:26Okay.
13:27Some tasks, they feature half a punch.
13:29Sometimes they have 3 quarters of a punch.
13:30This one has a hole punch.
13:31Hi Tom.
13:32Hi Tom Tom.
13:33Hello Thomas.
13:34Does anyone call you Thomas?
13:35No.
13:36No.
13:37No.
13:38No.
13:39No.
13:40No.
13:41No.
13:42No.
13:43No.
13:44No.
13:45No.
13:46No.
13:47No.
13:48No.
13:49No.
13:50No.
13:51No.
13:52No.
13:53Don't call you Thomas.
13:54Not really.
13:55Hello Thomas.
13:56I'll stay here if that's okay.
13:59What is this?
14:00A hole punch.
14:01Oh.
14:02I'm sorry.
14:03Careful of that sphere.
14:05I think it's magnifying light in such a way that it's potentially going to burn one
14:08of the pages.
14:09Oi.
14:10It's real hot.
14:11Yeah, don't do that.
14:12Yeah.
14:14Punch the most holes in this document.
14:18From the furthest distance.
14:20Your attempt is complete when at least one hole has been punched.
14:23Most holes punched plus metres from the document when punched wins.
14:28You have 15 minutes.
14:30Your time starts now.
14:37So Tommy, when someone tells you you shouldn't touch something because it's hot,
14:40maybe you just don't touch it.
14:42Well, but what is it?
14:45What if no one else has touched it before and I'm the first to touch it?
14:47And then I get to tell everybody how good touching it was.
14:50So straightforward stuff pretty much.
14:52So you've just got to punch a hole through as many pages as possible.
14:55That's right.
14:55From as far away as possible.
14:57Yeah, metres plus holes punched.
14:59That's the final score.
15:00Who's punching away first?
15:01Let's hope there are holes in their documents but not in their plans.
15:04It's Emma and Tommy.
15:06Oi, come back.
15:09What the f***, Tom?
15:14I went to Cubs, I never went to Scouts and I was the only person to not get one bag.
15:18Not one.
15:18You didn't do Scouts or anything?
15:19No.
15:20I did horse riding.
15:21Every girl I know got kicked by a horse at some point.
15:23I never got kicked by a horse and they all deserved it.
15:26Can you come and stand on it?
15:27Okay.
15:27Each time I pull, could you go, oh, oh.
15:30Oh, sorry.
15:30I focused on the oh, not the standing.
15:32Oh.
15:34The only other thing I can think is to tip the tire down the hill.
15:37Okay.
15:38And that would be miraculous.
15:42Is there a hole in it?
15:43No.
15:44Oh, no.
15:4590 seconds left.
15:46Quick, quick.
15:47Give me the document down here.
15:48f*** hell.
15:49This is drilling!
15:52Hole?
15:52No hole.
15:53No hole.
15:54Okay.
15:56Come on.
15:56Come on.
15:58Come on.
15:5940 seconds.
16:00Can you hold this?
16:00Okay.
16:07Tom.
16:08You didn't warn me.
16:0925 seconds.
16:10Okay.
16:12One, two, three.
16:18Oh, my gosh.
16:19Like a warm bowlers do when they walk it in.
16:21When they walk it in.
16:27When they walk it in.
16:33There's a hole?
16:34There's a hole.
16:35Awesome.
16:36Thanks for checking out my hole.
16:40Tommy, it would have been great if it worked.
16:45I know.
16:46It was thrilling to watch.
16:47Mate, what a ride.
16:49That was you.
16:49We were all on board there.
16:51Even me.
16:51I wanted you to be successful.
16:54I don't know what's worse.
16:55When you lie to yourself or you lie to me.
17:00Okay, so Emma.
17:01Wool to hold down the hole punch.
17:03I spent so long trying to find tape and I couldn't find it anywhere.
17:06And so wool was my next best.
17:08But even tape.
17:09I mean, that's up the craft end of the spectrum, not the DIY end of the spectrum, I feel.
17:13Yeah, have you met me?
17:14Yeah, I have.
17:15Tom, I'm a crafty lady.
17:18Okay, and you also said, uh, thanks for checking out my hole.
17:21Are you dabbling in the comedy of Tommy Little?
17:25I don't, I don't get it.
17:28Can you explain it to me, please?
17:31Hole can refer to your vagina.
17:32What's a hole punch then?
17:41Wow.
17:41Hang on.
17:43Sorry.
17:44Hey everyone, it's okay.
17:45I'm gonna suck you.
17:46Tommy's picked up the ball and he's running with it.
17:48Stop it.
17:49Are we riffing at the moment?
17:51Are we riffing?
17:51I thought if there's other people in the shallow end of the pool, we may as well play.
17:56Well, what result did Emma get?
17:59Well, Tommy dared to get zero, as we know.
18:01Emma chose to put one piece of paper in the hole punch.
18:04Emma put two holes, plus she was 22.2 metres away, so her score is 24.2.
18:13Okay, I want to see more holes punched at a distance.
18:16Next up, using stationary to keep their scores moving, it's Lisa and Dave.
18:20So if I just throw this there and it hits there and it goes down and punches a hole, the task is over.
18:25Maybe that can go in there somehow.
18:31It's got to be a reasonable amount that it's going to actually do the job.
18:34All right, here we go.
18:35Um, just stop that going in.
18:37Wait a sec.
18:39I've just got...
18:39You've got stuff in your pockets?
18:40Yeah, I like to carry a few different...
18:42You just never, ever know if you might need something.
18:48That can clip over like that.
18:51I'm just going to see whether or not I can get that to calm down.
18:56No, I think it's...
18:58All right, I'm going to go closer.
18:59I just don't know whether or not it's going to...
19:02No, that's not...
19:03I just need another lever.
19:09There's a hole.
19:12It's worked.
19:12Am I out of time?
19:19There's a hole in the document.
19:21Is there?
19:21How many holes have I done?
19:23I can only see one.
19:24No, there's another one.
19:26I've done at least two.
19:27I think I'm proud of myself, but I'm not...
19:31I'm completely sure I am proud of myself, but I think I am.
19:34I'm going to go and rethink that.
19:35So, Lisa, you had a premature hole punch.
19:42Yeah, I mean, I was working towards something bigger
19:44and I accidentally punched a hole.
19:46Yeah?
19:47Yeah, sorry about that.
19:48I am sorry.
19:49I thought it was a good effort.
19:50You don't have to apologise to us.
19:51You still did better than me.
19:52I know, I really thought I was on to something.
19:54You've done excellent.
19:55If I apologised for every time I was a bit shit,
19:57all I'd do was be apologised.
19:58Well, I won't apologise.
20:00I'll just say it could have been better.
20:00And also, we've talked about it.
20:01Sometimes you're a bit too polite, Lisa.
20:03On this show, I want you to cut sick.
20:06Okay.
20:07This is your time.
20:07This is this...
20:08No-one cares round here.
20:09Well, he didn't let me have a good day.
20:11Oh, my...
20:12Yes, I did!
20:18Oh, my God!
20:20Thanks, guys.
20:22God, that felt good.
20:28Oh, my God, you've unleashed the dragon.
20:29That was incredible.
20:30I've got to say, I've been working away at that
20:32for seven episodes and it's paid off.
20:36Okay.
20:36So, Husey...
20:37Yes.
20:38Did you ever stop and think there could be other things
20:40on the property or...
20:41You were just like, oh, grab, throw.
20:48I'm just saying, it didn't...
20:50It didn't feel like a complicated strategy.
20:58No, it wasn't.
20:59It was exactly how you described it.
21:03But also, you know, TV's tough.
21:05You know, it's not an easy gig these days and we all want to get the show done on time
21:09and on budget and I think that helped.
21:11Ah.
21:14Both Lisa and Dave managed two holes punched.
21:17Lisa was 1.7 metres away.
21:19Dave was 3.1 metres away.
21:21So, Lisa gets a score of 3.7.
21:23Dave gets 5.1.
21:25Oh, well done.
21:28Alright, go on then.
21:29Punch the card for one more.
21:30They call him wakka, but can he wak from afar?
21:32It's Takashi wakasugi.
21:35Domino's.
21:36Domino's.
21:37So, I put tyres here.
21:38And the last one's gonna be...
21:46Ah!
21:48Did you see that?
21:49More tyres.
21:51Good.
21:52Two more.
21:57Still walking.
22:00Still walking.
22:00I know.
22:01Nice work.
22:01Right there, yeah.
22:02Okay.
22:03Alright.
22:04This thing's far?
22:05Ah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
22:06Look, I forgot.
22:07I'm gonna put paper.
22:08Alright.
22:10Alright.
22:11Alright.
22:12Three.
22:13Two.
22:14One.
22:18Not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet.
22:20One minute and 27 seconds.
22:21I still have time though.
22:22Alright, it's okay.
22:25Go.
22:27One minute, one minute, one minute.
22:32One minute and two seconds left.
22:33Yeah, yeah.
22:34You have still time.
22:35No rush, no rush.
22:37I'm tired.
22:3830 seconds.
22:39Can you count every second now?
22:4117.
22:42Alright, alright.
22:4216.
22:4315.
22:44Three.
22:4513.
22:4612.
22:4711.
22:4810.
22:509.
22:508.
22:517.
22:526.
22:545.
22:554.
22:563.
22:5710.
23:0210.
23:0612.
23:0710.
23:0810.
23:1010.
23:1110.
23:1111.
23:1211.
23:1312.
23:1411.
23:1512.
23:1613.
23:1714.
23:1914.
23:21you weren't there, it worked really well, but whenever you got involved, that didn't
23:25work anymore. That's life.
23:28Every task I use a tyre never did well. I know. I hate tyres. I know.
23:35Wakka's the only person, I guess, who maybe accidentally clued on to the number of holes
23:39being kind of quite relevant. Yes. Could have we just used our hands and just gone down?
23:44Arguably.
23:47So, Wakka may have been close, only 1.7 metres away, but he punched 68 holes.
23:54What?
23:56That means Tommy gets zero points, Lisa gets two, Dave gets three, Emma gets four, but
24:03Wakka wins the task with five points. And in terms of episode scores, Tommy is in last
24:10place at the moment with six points, but Wakka's in the lead with 12 points.
24:14Okay, you want another task? Sure, I'll give you another task right after these ads. That's
24:19right, I'm a dirty little task tease. But you know you love it. Back soon.
24:23Hello. Welcome back to Taskmaster, where five desperate comedians are doing absolutely
24:42everything in their power to win a dead rat. That's right. Love is in the air, but will
24:46it make its way into anyone's bodies? Let's find out with a team task.
24:53Come in. Did you knock? After you, sir. Alright, thank you. Hi, Tom. Hi, welcome. Hello. Hi, Dave. Hi, Lisa. Hi, Tommy. Hi, Tom. Is he your favourite? I don't have favourites. Bullshit.
25:00Oh, there's a lot of words there. I can do this. I mean, I'm happy to share it with you if you want to read a bit and I can read a bit. Oh, can I read? That's too long.
25:07Make these singles have chemistry on their first date? On their second date. They are both wearing ear pieces. They will only say or do whatever you tell people the answer they want to ask
25:25That's too long
25:28Make these singles have chemistry on their first date. On their second date. They are both wearing ear pieces
25:34They will only say or do whatever you tell them
25:38to do. At least one person from your team must be in the study and one must be outside
25:43If you are in the study you will be in control of her. If you are outside you will be in control of him
25:48Best chemistry wins your singles will arrive in 10 minutes for their 20 minute date
25:53Your time starts now. Is there something to be said about me feeding the man the lines and you guys feeding the woman?
26:02Because you know what we want to receive. I really think that you should go with the girl and I should go with the boy
26:08All right. That's sexy
26:10Dress. Yeah, that's fine. She can wear that. And the guy gonna wear, is this yours? That's my pants
26:15Yes
26:22Okay, so we're back with the team task. Yeah, that's right. I just got the sense that the boys are just a bit excited to be using walkie-talkies
26:29That's what I really cared about. All right
26:31We better rip off the band-aid for these two unlucky in lovebirds Cashman. Let's go
26:36Call them cheese because they're about to craft some singles. It's Waka, Tommy and Emma
26:40Oh my god
26:49He looks good
26:53She looks great
26:56Can you ask her what is important to her in a relationship? What do you think is important in a relationship?
27:04Knowing each other's names knowing each other's names. What's yours?
27:10Say
27:11Genghis
27:12Genghis
27:14Genghis
27:16Ask her what her goal is for the date. What's your sort of goal from this date?
27:22And if there's a silence just start filling it with facts about catfish
27:26Um
27:28There's
27:30Been a lot going on in the news about catfish recently
27:33Catfish
27:34They
27:36You ever caught one? You put your hands
27:38In a catfish
27:40That's good. Keep doing that hand action
27:42So imagine that's your mouth. Well, it's not your mouth
27:44Catfish mouth
27:46Just in
27:47Grasp
27:48And like
27:49Yank it out
27:52So are you just gonna sit with that guitar? Or are you gonna strum something maybe?
27:57Okay, just start playing some chords
27:59And now wink five times please
28:06Just sing the song with the guitar
28:10I love you so
28:13I want you so
28:17Okay, just keep playing while she's singing
28:19I want you so
28:25Ask her if she wants to marry you
28:27You wanna marry me?
28:28Can I wear hat first?
28:31Um, can I wear hat first?
28:34Put the hat on her
28:38Let's marry
28:39Let's marry
28:41The Taskmaster restaurant has closed
28:44I love you so
28:46I love you so
28:49Sing along as you leave
28:51I need you so
28:54I need you so
28:56It's only for you
29:00The task is over guys, can you please let her
29:02Tell him he has to kiss the hat and then you'll leave
29:05Thank you
29:06You have to kiss the hat and then I'll leave
29:08The task is over guys
29:09I don't have to do anything
29:10Everything
29:11Kiss the f***ing head
29:12Okay
29:13Alright
29:14I love you so
29:17Um, what were you thinking?
29:32I think we started quite well and I'm glad you did this Bo but Waka just started singing and it was wonderful but then there was no turning back
29:44Yeah
29:45I did a singing task before
29:47Yeah
29:48And I got confident
29:49Yeah
29:50And I did again
29:51Well we all remember that task, I'm not sure if you should have been confident
29:55Emma, I really think you made his grotty moustache hipster personality shine through
30:05Yeah, look, I've come across a few of them in my lifetime
30:08I know what I would have liked them to say on dates
30:11Oh, so that's what you would like in a date
30:16Yep
30:17Well and then I mean to be fair as well the task had ended but they still seem to be in love
30:24It was difficult to get them to leave
30:27Alright, let's see the others then eh
30:30They seem like they've been married 20 years so matters of the heart should come easy
30:34It's Lisa and Dave
30:37When he turns up to say, better luck than ever I suppose, Gareth
30:41When you go in tell her how beautiful she looks
30:43Well, you look beautiful
30:47Better luck than ever suppose
30:48Just reach out and put your hand there and see if she holds it
30:54Can I just say, I hadn't noticed
30:56Just how beautiful your eyes are
30:58I noticed yours
30:59I noticed yours
31:00I'd also never noticed how thick your moustache was
31:02Do you like anchovies?
31:03Do you like anchovies?
31:04I also just never noticed how thick your moustache was
31:07What made you grow a moustache?
31:09Are you hiding something?
31:11Just say you've got a scar from
31:13A water skiing accident on a top lip
31:16I'm a top lip
31:17Oh my god, I love legs
31:18I love legs
31:20So do you
31:21I too love legs
31:32I think we should start travelling
31:33Where would you like to go?
31:35I would like to go
31:38Into your heart
31:39You already have my heart
31:41So take my hand
31:42Okay, you can hold my hand
31:44You can hold my hand
31:45You can hold my hand
31:46Go down on your knee and propose to Chloe
31:48Oh my god
31:49God
31:50And say for the time I have left on this earth
31:53I want you to be mine
31:55Is the moustache going to be for the wedding or not?
32:00Is the money going to be spent on the wedding or not?
32:02What about the moustache?
32:03My-stache
32:04The moustache
32:05It's the moustache
32:07I don't like it
32:08Right, I was just wondering if you could help me out
32:12Just tell her you've got a dicky disc in your back and you're just really struggling to get up
32:16I've got a bit of a, you know, a bit of a dicky disc in my back so just
32:19We need Tom back to witness our wedding
32:21Get Tom back in, get Tom back in
32:23There we go
32:24Tom, marry us
32:26Tom, marry us
32:27In the power that you've got
32:28Put the hand back on the table
32:30With the power that you've got
32:32With the power that isn't vested in me
32:34As a waiter at the Taskmaster restaurant
32:37Sorry
32:41Oh my god
32:42I love you Gareth
32:43I love you Gareth
32:44Thank you Gareth
32:50Thank you Gareth
32:59So the actors, were they single?
33:01So I should clarify they weren't actors
33:02They were real single people
33:03Oh, okay
33:04Well I do feel that the age team
33:06I feel like there might have been more chemistry happening throughout that date
33:09I mean Lisa you came in pretty strong there
33:11Like you really wanted to speed things up
33:13The lag is hard
33:14Like dealing with the lag is hard
33:16Didn't you find?
33:17A lot of my stuff got lost in translation
33:19Um
33:20So just another task for you Dave
33:22But also you made her say thanks Gareth
33:26And then you said thanks Gareth to yourself
33:29Well I was saying thank you to him for being in the task
33:32And thank you for going through that
33:34But then he said thanks Gareth to himself
33:39Okay
33:40So I'm going to say there was more chemistry for the age team
33:42Okay
33:43So I'm going to go five five three three three
33:44Alright
33:45Oh good
33:46Well done Dave
33:47Have a good day
33:48Okay
33:49Time for a break
33:50You know what I'm going to do
33:51I'm going to go to my dressing room
33:53And get nude and meditate
33:54So to the fans who want to know the real Tom
33:57There you go
33:58Bye
33:59Welcome back to Taskmaster
34:14These task teats are full of tasty milk
34:17Squeeze me out another task Lesser Tom
34:19I truly can't wait for the honour
34:21But first a quick update on our episode scores
34:23The winner at the moment is Waka with 15 points
34:29Okay Tom the body Cashman
34:33Surf on up
34:34Sure thing
34:35Welcome to the Terradome
34:36Welcome to the Terradome
34:52Tom?
34:54Yummm...
34:59Alright
35:00Tom.
35:02I like it when he's not here.
35:04It's unsettling.
35:07Avoid getting wet by Tom.
35:09You must remain within the bunker.
35:11This is the bunker.
35:13Tom is outside the bunker but can't step inside.
35:16Longest to avoid getting wet wins.
35:18You have 20 minutes!
35:21Your time starts after Tom gives you an example
35:24of what he is capable of.
35:26Oh my God!
35:30Ha ha ha!
35:34I laugh at you!
35:36Is that it?
35:37What do you mean?
35:38One water bomb and one super soccer?
35:40Oh there's more where that came from, buddy boy.
35:48Lesley Tom, I've never seen you so excited about a task.
35:51This one was a lot of fun.
35:53Alright, so tell me Fritzl, who do we see first?
35:56I had to get into character for this one.
36:01Like a spy movie villain but with water.
36:03So first up, Tommy, Dave and Lisa will meet Pond.
36:06James Pond.
36:08Thanks.
36:09Ahh!
36:10Mate, you're nowhere near it.
36:11What have you got, man?
36:12You have to do a lot better than that!
36:13It doesn't say that I'm the lad to use this.
36:14Ha!
36:15Whoa!
36:16Whoa!
36:17Oh!
36:18Oh, come on.
36:19I need...
36:20Whoa!
36:21It doesn't say that I'm not allowed to use this.
36:26Whoa!
36:30Oh, come on!
36:40He's over there. He's over there.
36:42Oh, this is so super creepy.
36:52Oh, there you are.
36:55Has anyone told you you play like a creepy psychopath quite well?
37:00I'm not playing a character.
37:04Where is he? Where is he?
37:06Oh!
37:17I got you, Lisa.
37:18OK.
37:26Got me!
37:29Oh.
37:30Thanks, Dave.
37:32Thanks, Tom.
37:36Thanks, Tom.
37:37Thanks, Tommy.
37:42Did you get some revenge there, Tommy?
37:44Yeah.
37:45Yeah.
37:46But that wasn't part of the task.
37:47That was just extra fun.
37:48No, but it was like my dessert.
37:51OK, so it seems like the best thing to do is just to run around.
37:53Yeah, I think keeping moving was a good strategy.
37:55OK.
37:56But when he got Hughes-y, I feel like you were aiming for him,
37:59even though you couldn't see him.
38:00Were you listening to him?
38:01Yeah, Dave Hughes was quite vocal.
38:03Yeah, I like to express myself.
38:08And also give him a chance, you know.
38:10He works hard and he deserves.
38:15You do work really hard, man, so good on you.
38:19I feel like all of you actually were being quite honest
38:21because Lisa had barely just got your ankle.
38:24Yeah, I didn't feel like I got that wet.
38:26Yeah, I know, but then you screamed in disgust.
38:28So, Connie, you gave yourself up.
38:29Well, because I was having a lot of fun.
38:31Shall we look at some results then?
38:32Yes.
38:33So, Hughes-y got wet in two minutes and 14 seconds.
38:35OK.
38:38Lisa took three minutes and 24 seconds,
38:40but Tommy eluded me for nine minutes and 39 seconds.
38:43OK.
38:45Time for an ad break.
38:46And if you've got a bunker, this is your cue to go down
38:49and check the restraints around their ankles
38:51and just make sure they're still tight.
38:53Have fun.
38:54See you soon.
39:08Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster.
39:10What's going on, Cashman?
39:11At the moment, our contestants are in the Pterodome,
39:13trying to avoid being water-bombed or water-gunned.
39:16I can't get anyone else to call it the Pterodome.
39:18Next up, facing 00.7, it's Waka and Emma.
39:27I saw it.
39:28I saw it.
39:29I saw it.
39:30I saw it.
39:31Yes.
39:32Yes.
39:43Tom.
39:44Tom.
39:45Tom.
39:46You should think more.
39:47Good try.
39:48Good try.
39:49Good try.
39:50You can't throw that.
39:51You're too good.
39:53What does 20 minutes mean?
39:54It's already 20 minutes?
39:55Ten seconds left.
39:56Put gun.
39:57Put gun down.
39:58Yes.
39:59You're not wet?
40:00No, I'm just wet, but...
40:01That doesn't count, unfortunately.
40:02It's finished?
40:03That was the easy one.
40:04That was the easy one.
40:05No.
40:06That was the easy one.
40:07That was the easy one.
40:08That was the easy one.
40:09That was the easy one.
40:10Oh my God.
40:11Oh my God.
40:12Oh my God.
40:13That was the easy one.
40:14Oh my God.
40:15I got you.
40:16I got you.
40:17I really thought I'd done something there.
40:18I got you.
40:19I got you.
40:20I really thought I'd done something.
40:24I got you.
40:26I got you.
40:28I really thought I'd done something there.
40:36I really thought I'd done something there.
40:46So, Waka, I kind of want to say well done, but I'd prefer to say Lesley Tom, you suck.
41:01No, no, he did well. Finally I could show you some ninja parts. Finally. Finally.
41:09You must have known you were onto a good thing when he got so desperate he threw his bloody toys into the cot.
41:14That feels good. That feels so good.
41:16What were you thinking? Just throwing your empty gun?
41:19I had to try something different.
41:20That's an extraordinary effort, Waka. Honestly, I'm so impressed by what you just did there. That was incredible.
41:26Do you believe him?
41:28I don't think we're giving Waka enough credit here. It was an incredible effort.
41:32He's trying. You won't shut up.
41:40So, Emma, you must have thought you found a brilliant hack.
41:42No, at no point did I think I'd nailed it. I think my fight or flight kicked in and it turns out I cower.
41:48I think maybe I thought that like I was covered by enough of it that he'd have to get it on my head and then he did that.
41:55What scores are we looking at?
42:00Well, Waka obviously I failed to get in the allocated 20 minutes. Emma I got in 57 seconds.
42:06So that means one point to Emma, two to Dave, three to Lisa, four to Tommy, but Waka wins the task with five points.
42:15Alright then, get your tushies up on stage for the final task of the show.
42:19Okay, people, things, stage, who's going to explain what's going on, Lessa Tom?
42:27I'm going to ask the team of two to read it out.
42:29Let's see. Okay.
42:30In teams, feed your stick thingy through your helmet thingy.
42:35Your stick thing may not touch the sides of your helmet thingy.
42:39The team mate wearing the helmet must be facing the audience throughout.
42:44The team mate holding the stick thingy may not move off their mat and must be wearing their blindfolds.
42:51Fastest team wins, most rounds won wins.
42:56Right, yep.
42:57Alright, blind folds on guys.
43:00We ready?
43:01Go.
43:02Okay Dave, lower your stick.
43:03Stop, stop.
43:04Lower your stick.
43:05Lower your stick.
43:06Lower your stick.
43:07Lower your stick.
43:08Lower your stick.
43:09Come on, come on, come on.
43:10Come on, come on.
43:11Lisa and Dave have won round one.
43:14Subsequent rounds will have different stick thingies.
43:17Different sticks?
43:20Stop looking at yourself.
43:22I think I've aged well.
43:24Do you know Hughes actually has no greys, that's just dandruff.
43:26It's a pretty good joke.
43:29Alright, we ready?
43:32Set.
43:33Alright.
43:34Emma, come on down.
43:35Alright, come, keep coming.
43:36Hold it still, hold it still, hold it still.
43:37Keep coming, keep coming.
43:39Straighten it up a bit.
43:40Emma come.
43:41Keep coming.
43:42Emma come.
43:43We got it.
43:44We got it?
43:45Yeah, we got it.
43:46The team of three win round two.
43:47Yeah, yeah, yeah.
43:48What happened Dave?
43:49I forgot I could walk backwards.
43:53I was too busy looking at myself.
43:58Alright, round three, go.
44:00Okay, that's it Dave.
44:01Straighten him up.
44:02Straighten him up.
44:03Twist to the right.
44:04Twist to the right.
44:05Twist to the right.
44:06Twist to the right.
44:07Is it paying us?
44:08Stay there.
44:09Oh, we've got a touch.
44:10Team two touch.
44:11Both teams have touched.
44:12That's zero all for round three.
44:14Solid gang.
44:15Okay, we need to go to an ad break.
44:17If it's onesies, go now.
44:18If it's twosies, you might have to hang on.
44:20See you soon.
44:34Welcome back to Taskmaster where our contestants have been up on stage sticking things into other
44:39things.
44:40Take it away Alyssa Top.
44:41We're in the middle of a live team tasks.
44:42One person has got a helmet on with a wire thingy on it and the others have a stick thingy
44:46that they're trying to put through the wire thingy.
44:48We've got two rounds left and it's one point to one point.
44:52Everything to play for.
44:53Are we ready for the fourth round?
44:55Ready, set, go.
45:00Dave there.
45:01I'm coming.
45:02I'm coming home to Papa.
45:04You've got a touch team of two.
45:06You've got a touch team of three.
45:08Zero all in round four.
45:11Watch us up.
45:12What are you doing?
45:13I nearly broke my racket.
45:15Are we ready for round five?
45:18Ready, set, go.
45:20Okay, Dave, come up a bit.
45:22Up.
45:23Twist to the left.
45:24Twist to the left.
45:25No rush.
45:26Okay, twist to the left, mate.
45:27Twist to the left.
45:28What do you mean twist?
45:29Twist the pole.
45:30Straighten it up.
45:31Twist it up.
45:32No, left.
45:33Twist to the left.
45:34Twist to the left.
45:35What the f*** do you mean?
45:36Twist it to the left.
45:37Are you coming, Emma?
45:38Yeah, yeah, yeah.
45:39You coming?
45:40I'm coming, twist it to the left.
45:41Norris.
45:42What do you mean?
45:43Twist it up.
45:44Up.
45:45Emma Norris.
45:46Are you on?
45:49Team of two touched.
45:50Team of three have been successful.
45:53I won!
45:54I can't work with you.
45:56I said twist to the left.
45:58You won!
45:59I said twist to the left.
46:01I got it, I got it.
46:02Good, good.
46:03Are we still going?
46:04No!
46:05Can you say my goal again?
46:06All right.
46:07All right.
46:08I kept saying twist to the left.
46:10What does twist to the left mean?
46:12Cute!
46:18Okay, all sticks and helmets away.
46:20Come on down and let's score that bad boy.
46:27All right, remind me of the scores, please.
46:29The A team won the first round, as we remember.
46:31The B team tied it up in the second round.
46:33But in the final round, the B team took the win.
46:35Tommy, Waka and Emma win the task.
46:41Okay, so the better team, 555.
46:43The aged team, 3-3.
46:45Okay.
46:46That means it's a tight scoreboard.
46:50But winning the episode with 25 points, it's Takashi Waka Sugi!
46:57Congratulations, Waka.
46:58Go up there and claim your most disappointing purchases.
47:04But what have we learnt?
47:06We learnt that if a fight's brewing up, call up Waka and throw some hole punches.
47:12Dave Hughes confirmed the obvious rumour that he doesn't wash his hair.
47:17And we learnt that Lisa McCune is finally unhinged.
47:22Hats off again to Waka and hats off to you, the viewer, for joining us.
47:26Goodnight!
47:43The children and horny dads are crying out for more Lister Tom.
47:47But that would dirty up my image.
47:49God has forsaken me!
47:56Oh, I'd just like to say to my kids, you can have tomorrow off school.
47:59LAUGHTER