King Of The Hill Season 3 Episode 1 Death Of A Propane Salesman
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00I gotta let you go.
00:01You're firing me?
00:03You don't have to take the test now.
00:05I gave the job to somebody else.
00:08How you doing, Arlen?
00:09Are you ready to soft rock?
00:12I'm breaking up with you.
00:14Huh?
00:22Chuck!
00:25Buckley and the ladder in there!
00:30Oh!
00:32We must be getting old, Connie.
01:00We're 12, Bobby. We are old. We've got to figure out what we're going to do with our lives.
01:06I'm gonna go to college and study propcometry.
01:10I can't decide between being a concert violinist or leading the fight against the overuse of antibiotics.
01:17Be a violinist! That way, I could be your opening act and we could travel the world together.
01:25Your dad got blown up.
01:32Hank!
01:34Please! Someone help me! Hank!
01:39My husband is in there. He had to take this job because nobody else would hire him.
01:47We're doing everything we can, Mrs. Mangione.
01:50I got two!
01:54Hank!
01:55Hank!
01:56My husband is in there. He had to take this job because nobody else would hire him.
02:01We're doing everything we can, Mrs. Mangione.
02:03I got two!
02:05I got two!
02:15Oh, Hank! You're alive!
02:20I'm alright, Peggy. There's two more inside.
02:24Oh, thank God you're okay. I was so worried. Oh, Aunt Luanne!
02:28Oh, my lord. Boo!
02:34Oh, my hair feels weird.
02:37I don't feel so good.
03:00I don't feel so good.
03:02What about Buckley? Did you find him?
03:09I'm sorry, sir, but so far it appears that there were no other survivors.
03:14Oh, my God!
03:18I'm both!
03:22What's taking them so long? When do I get to see Dad?
03:25Your father and Luanne will be out soon, honey.
03:28Oh, Bobby, that is not a mint.
03:34Alright, let's go home.
03:36Dad! You're alright!
03:37Is there any permanent damage?
03:39No damage, no scratches, no dents, no dings.
03:43Bobby, what do you say we go hit the batting cages?
03:46Okay.
03:47Hank, slow down. You almost died today.
03:50Well, that's the good thing about death.
03:53You either die or you don't.
03:55I didn't, so let's go hit some balls.
03:58Hank, are you sure you're okay?
04:00Oh, careful, everyone.
04:02Now, Luanne is gonna look different.
04:05Maybe even hypnotically grotesque.
04:08But do not stare.
04:10Ugh!
04:11I'm real sorry about Buckley, Luanne, and your hair.
04:16Bobby?
04:17Luanne, honey, it'll be fine.
04:18We will just cover it up with makeup and it'll be fine.
04:23No, Aunt Peggy.
04:24I'm not gonna use hair or makeup anymore.
04:27I learned something from that explosion.
04:30Beauty doesn't last forever.
04:32It can be blown off your head.
04:39Oh, Hank, you poor thing.
04:42You shouldn't be standing after your accident.
04:45I'm fine.
04:46It's no big deal.
04:48Buildings explode.
04:50That's what they do.
04:52Can we please talk about something else?
04:56Bill, you're in favor of a flat tax.
04:59You haven't said a word about it.
05:01Did you happen to see Buckley, or any part whom of,
05:05attempting to flee the scene of the, quote, accident?
05:09Dale, the boy is no more.
05:12All they found left of him was his name tag.
05:15Well, that's all he wanted them to find.
05:17Classic cover-up.
05:19That boy's no deader than Mother Teresa.
05:24Hank, old girl.
05:25Dicklin's back in business.
05:27Get ready to pump propane tomorrow.
05:29Uh, right, sir.
05:31I might be a little late.
05:33I don't know if I gave Megalomart my notice.
05:36Oh, what?
05:37I think you gave your notice, Nitro.
05:40I had nothing to do with that explosion,
05:44which hasn't affected me in any way.
05:47Hello.
05:48Peggy here.
05:49Hank, it's Mr. Strickland.
05:50Busy.
05:51Take a message.
05:52Uh, can he call you back?
05:53What?
05:54Oh, I see.
05:55Hank, why did you not tell me Mr. Strickland offered you your job back?
06:00Well, it just happened yesterday.
06:01Honey, he says customers are lined up out the door.
06:03Peggy, I am in the middle of decrumming the toaster.
06:05Save the crumbs!
06:06Luanne, honey.
06:07Look, it's two of your old friends, the Manger Babies.
06:09The Manger Babies.
06:10Oh, I see.
06:11What?
06:12What?
06:13Oh, I see.
06:14Hank, why did you not tell me Mr. Strickland offered you your job back?
06:15Well, it just happened yesterday.
06:17Honey, he says customers are lined up out the door.
06:20Peggy, I am in the middle of decrumming the toaster.
06:25Save the crumbs!
06:27Luanne, honey.
06:28Look, it's two of your old friends, the Manger Babies.
06:37Sock puppets are for babies.
06:40In the real world, beauty fades and penguins die a cold, horrible death.
06:48So, you're not going back to beauty school then?
06:52I'm tired of making the world look pretty.
06:55I want to show the world for what it is with photojournalism.
07:01Photojournalism.
07:02Well, that's something.
07:05Look at these pictures of hungry children.
07:08Why is the CNN logo in the corner?
07:12Oh, this is just a picture of the TV, Luanne.
07:16Oh, it's nice to be smart, Aunt Peggy.
07:19Smart and well-fed.
07:25Find the body yet, Quincy?
07:28We have some remains that we're analyzing.
07:31You needn't concern yourself.
07:32Oh, I needn't, shouldn't I?
07:35And maybe I should not know that all Megalomart employees have a $5,000 insurance policy.
07:43That's nonsense.
07:45This is a very straightforward investigation.
07:48Heh.
07:49That's what they want you to think.
07:51Sir, we are they.
07:53Hank!
07:54Fries are up!
08:07Honey, how are the steaks coming?
08:09Uh, still tenderizing.
08:17Don't want to rush them.
08:19You have been pounding the bejesus out of that beef since noon.
08:23Throw it on the grill.
08:24Let's go.
08:25Oh!
08:26Oh!
08:27Oh!
08:28Oh!
08:29Oh!
08:30Oh!
08:31Oh!
08:32Oh!
08:33Oh!
08:34Oh!
08:35Oh!
08:36Oh!
08:37Oh!
08:38Oh!
08:39Oh!
08:40Oh!
08:41Oh!
08:42Oh!
08:43Oh!
08:44Oh!
08:45Oh!
08:46Oh!
08:47Oh!
08:48Oh!
08:49Oh!
08:50Oh!
08:51Oh!
08:52Oh!
08:53Ah, dang!
09:03What's wrong?
09:04I lost the steaks.
09:06Huh.
09:07Huh?
09:09Mmm.
09:11Gobbits of meat from the sky.
09:15Doesn't taste like Buckley.
09:23Oh, Hank, they need your help at Buckley's Wake, manning the grill.
09:29What? Grill?
09:31Uh, is it propane?
09:34Of course it's propane, Hank.
09:36They're not Unitarians.
09:39Well, I wouldn't feel right.
09:41I barely knew Buckley.
09:43Wake grilling is something you do for a blood relative or a close friend.
09:48Now, when Bill dies, maybe...
09:50Oh, honey, what a pretty, pretty outfit for a funeral.
09:55Now, before we go, you might want to open this.
09:59Your friends from the Beauty Academy dropped it off.
10:03Sorry for your loss.
10:06You had beautiful hair.
10:08They made me a wig.
10:11We made you a wig.
10:14They made me a wig.
10:18Throw it out.
10:19Okay, well, you just go ahead and grieve any way that you want.
10:23Red Book says losing a boyfriend is the fourth most painful loss.
10:28Right between grandmother and penis.
10:31Oh, I'm not grieving.
10:33I broke up with Buckley seconds before the explosion, and I never looked back.
10:39That's why I still have my eyebrows.
10:41Something's not right.
10:55Week's salary says that box is empty.
10:59I'm going in.
11:00Oh, I didn't think I'd see you here.
11:15Guilty conscience, huh?
11:17Why would I have a guilty conscience?
11:19I did not blow up the megalomart.
11:22Oh, good.
11:23I'm glad you said that, Hank.
11:24I'm wearing the wire for an unrelated matter.
11:27So, when can I expect you back?
11:31Uh, after an appropriate period of grieving, sir, Buckley was practically a son to me.
11:39This is depressing.
12:03This is depressing.
12:09You want to go play in the cemetery?
12:11Okay.
12:15The passing of Buckley is a great loss and a sad occasion.
12:21Would anyone care to come up and say a few words about Buckley?
12:27I guess y'all expect me to cry for Buckley.
12:31But I am not.
12:33Because there are a lot more important things to cry about.
12:38This is a picture of what a hungry Irish child looks like.
12:44Fight the occupation!
12:46Fight the occupation!
12:53Ah, uh, is there anyone else who'd like to say a few words about Buckley?
13:01Anybody at all?
13:06The name of the boy was Buckley?
13:09Buckley?
13:09At first, I didn't much like Buckley, I admit.
13:20But then I saw how much he pissed off my neighbor, Mr. Hank Hill, and I decided to seek out this Buckley fellow.
13:28Get to know him.
13:29I grew to love that boy.
13:33Now that he's gone, I feel a big hole in my life.
13:37I think we all do.
13:38Is it a world without Buckley?
13:42A world we want to live in?
13:49As a Buddhist, of course, I get comfort from his story.
13:52I don't have to tell you how much Buddha should like a story.
13:57Anyway, so it began with man being chased by a ferocious tiger.
14:08Tiger chase him to edge of cliff.
14:12Man falls off.
14:13Halfway down, he grab onto a branch.
14:17He look up.
14:19They see one hungry tiger.
14:21Now he look down.
14:22He see another hungry tiger waiting for him on the ground below.
14:28That's not a good place to be.
14:30He know for sure he's gonna die.
14:35Then, our corner of his eye, he see a wild strawberry growing from same branch.
14:43Oh, he buck it.
14:45And eat it.
14:46And it was the sweetest-tasting strawberry he ever had.
14:58Can you believe this guy?
15:00He tells a joke at a funeral.
15:02Highly inappropriate.
15:05Yeah, but it was funny.
15:08I just don't know how one little boy can get so dirty in a cemetery.
15:16Bobby, are you in the bath yet?
15:18There's no hot water.
15:20Oh, the heater must have gone out again.
15:23Will you check on it, Hank?
15:25So, is it lit?
15:39Uh, well, it's getting there.
15:43Oh, for heaven's sakes, Hank.
15:44I will do it myself.
15:48Ah!
15:50Hank, what is wrong with you?
15:53You won't go to work.
15:54You declined an opportunity to grill.
15:57And now this?
15:58You are acting like you're afraid of propane.
16:04Oh, my God.
16:08Welcome to the Survivors of Propane Explosion Support Group.
16:14Let's start with Chuck.
16:16Ever since the explosion, every song I play sounds like feels so good.
16:21Maybe that's because it does feel so good to be alive.
16:27No, that's not it.
16:29Mr. Hill, tell us how you're dealing with your grief.
16:34Nothing much to talk about.
16:36I was in a propane explosion.
16:38Now I'm afraid of propane.
16:39Next person?
16:40Do you think he needs shock treatment?
16:42Perhaps.
16:43Sounds to me that what you're really afraid of is your own death.
16:48What?
16:49Nobody's afraid of death.
16:51That's crazy.
16:52I'm afraid of propane.
16:54You're transferring, Mr. Hill.
16:56Doesn't it scare you?
16:58The thought of missing all your family's special moments.
17:01No.
17:01Never again sipping wine with your friends.
17:05Scratching your cat or cats.
17:07No.
17:08Making love to your partner.
17:09No, no, no.
17:11Mr. Hill, only when you deal with your fear of death will you be able to overcome your fear of propane.
17:19Stop it.
17:19Can't you hear the hissing?
17:21It's propane.
17:21This room's gonna blow.
17:23Ugh.
17:34Here.
17:35What's this?
17:36It's my scrapbook.
17:37This is the way that rational people deal with death, Hank.
17:41By clipping articles out about grisly accidents from the local newspapers.
17:45It is also my hobby.
17:48Good Lord.
17:50What?
17:51Peggy?
17:51What?
17:53Ugh.
17:54Ugh.
17:57Ugh.
17:59Ugh.
18:00Wow.
18:01They beat the Aggies, but they could not beat that train.
18:11Y'all ever think about death?
18:16Well, yeah, I think about it, Hank.
18:18I'm an army barber.
18:20I get up every day and stare death in the back of the head.
18:23I am not going to die.
18:26Chromium picolone.
18:28Every orifice, every day.
18:32Hey, Hank.
18:33Let me give you a piece of advice.
18:35You need to relax and enjoy life.
18:39I got this story about a tiger.
18:41Knock your socks off.
18:43Already heard that joke, Con.
18:48Strawberry.
18:50Have you thought about who'll take care of Bobby when you're gone?
18:53Because I'd like to throw my hat in the ring.
18:57I'd take him to baseball games.
18:59And me and Peggy could sit up in bed at night picking out colleges.
19:04Peggy would not be included in any guardianship situation.
19:09I'll take the boy.
19:11The Widow Hill is on her own.
19:13You got to do.
19:14All right.
19:15Don't shake his hand.
19:17Let go of that.
19:18I'm not saying Bobby goes to either of you.
19:21What's going on?
19:23I thought he was going to be okay.
19:25Man, I'll tell you what, Hank, about that damn thing old meaning of life, man.
19:35It's like this, man.
19:36You're like a butterfly flapping his wings deep down in the forest, man.
19:40They're going to cause a tree fall like 5,000 miles away, man.
19:44Nobody see it.
19:45Nobody don't even happen.
19:47You know, the baby's born into this world and they don't got friends and got nothing but to come in to find out all about them evil, man.
20:00Man, see, like, you don't even know, man.
20:02It's like you're born into this world, man.
20:05And you got, like, it's like this, man, the dust in the wind, man.
20:09Or like the dang old candle in the wind, man.
20:11It don't matter, man.
20:13It's all these old houses.
20:14You know what I think, man, like the dang old candle, I think, therefore, you are, man.
20:19Well, that's what we tell ourselves, isn't it, Boomhauer?
20:28All right.
20:29I can do this.
20:32Nothing to be afraid of.
20:42Hank!
20:42Hank, I can't find Bobby.
20:45Connie says he ran away and he's already beyond the tri-yard area.
20:51Bobby!
20:53Here's a fruit pie.
20:54You get Lady Bird.
21:00Come on.
21:01Smell the pie, girl.
21:03Come on.
21:05All right.
21:05She's locked on Bobby's scent.
21:07Come on, girl.
21:08Let's go.
21:09Hurry, Hank.
21:14Oh, I hope he finds Bobby before dark.
21:17It is hard to feel sorry for that little boy.
21:20There are whole villages in Ireland where children are too busy sewing whooshes on tennis shoes to run away.
21:27I heard enough from you.
21:30The more you hold in, the more you put on strange Sinead O'Connor act.
21:36I cry river of tear for Buckley.
21:41Why not you?
21:42So I'm not crying for Buckley.
21:49Big deal.
21:51He doesn't deserve it.
21:58Hey.
21:59So for your birthday, I wanted to get you those earrings you like.
22:03But I'm kind of tapped out, so here's some CDs I don't listen to anymore.
22:07Later, Buckley.
22:07Buckley.
22:14Buckley.
22:19My hair.
22:23I'm so alone.
22:32Eeyah.
22:33No, you're not.
22:35You're right as rain, Wattwatt.
22:39I'm such a pretty young thing as well.
22:44I don't want to look pretty anymore.
22:50That's just rubbish.
22:52If a girl wants to look pretty, right, how?
22:55Why don't you try on that lovely wig?
22:59Oh, how do I look?
23:09Oh, hmm.
23:11Let's see it off again.
23:12Dad, how'd you find me?
23:31Well, I'll let Lady Bird sniff one of your fruit pies.
23:36And she took me around the block a few times and, well, and then Mr. Krinsky called and said he saw you over here.
23:44Oh, he was probably just looking for his mom.
23:47Yeah, so, uh, so I guess you're up here because of the way I've been acting since the explosion.
23:59Well, when that happened, I was afraid you were dead.
24:04And today you were talking to your friends about dying, and I guess I freaked out.
24:09Oh, son, you shouldn't be worrying about that stuff.
24:14Hopefully it's a long way off.
24:17A boy your age ought to worry about getting dates and making a team and, you know, getting dates.
24:25My dying should be at the bottom of the list.
24:28You need to relax and enjoy life.
24:32Huh.
24:34Hey, did I ever tell you the story about the man and the tiger?
24:38Uh-uh.
24:39Well, uh, there was this man, and he was being chased by a ferocious tiger.
24:47Uh, make that a lion.
24:50A Detroit lion.
24:52Two of them.
24:53And the man was Cowboy Hall of Famer Roger Staubach.
24:58I know him.
25:00He sells life insurance on TV.
25:02Yeah.
25:03Well, anyway, the lions were blitzing, and Roger rolled out of the pocket, running for his life.
25:10He headed for the sidelines, but these two lions were closing in on him.
25:14Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a strawberry, cup of Gatorade.
25:23Well, Roger took a drink of that Gatorade, but I'll tell you something, son.
25:29It was the sweetest sip of Gatorade Roger ever tasted.
25:37Oh.
25:39I get it.
25:40It's funny, Dad.
25:44You told it great.
25:46I got an even better joke for you.
25:49Uh, okay.
25:50Two Eskimos want to buy a car together, but only one of them knows how to drive.
25:59So they take a bus to the car store, and they bring their money with them.
26:07Oh, did I say they were trading in their dog sled?
26:11No.
26:12Good.
26:12Because that's the punchline.
26:14So, the money melts, because it's a snowball, and they get there late, so they have to stay in a hotel.
26:27I'm going to leave out the bellhop part, because it doesn't really go anywhere.
26:31God, this is a good joke.
26:34Hank, look out.
26:47It's going to blow.
26:49Very funny.
26:51Hey, Hank, you got a light?
26:53That's a real good one for the 15th time.
26:57Help, honey.
26:59My arm's been blown off by propane.
27:02Ha-ha, Joe Jack.
27:05Seriously, baby.
27:06Thanks for blowing up the Megalomark.
27:08I didn't blow it up!