King Of The Hill Season 3 Episode 5 Next Of Shin
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00:00Cute baby, I'll tell you what.
00:03We're trying to have a baby ourselves.
00:05He doesn't want anyone to know, so I'm only telling complete strangers.
00:11I might be able to help you out there, may I?
00:14Oh, it's okay. He is the assistant manager of Strickland Propane.
00:19There you go, little fella, for that new car smell.
01:20Fill cup to line.
01:24Okay.
01:32Naked him.
01:34That's 12 in a row, Hank.
01:39I think it's time we see a fertility specialist.
01:43He's just going to poke and prod my naked nethers.
01:47No thank you.
01:49Even if I do get Hank to see the doctor, he refuses to take his pants off.
01:57Oh, you don't take your clothes off at the doctor's anymore, Shug.
02:00Anything they need to see, they do it with a new machine called an MRI.
02:04Are you sure they can use it to look at Hank?
02:09They use it for everything.
02:11Heck, it's the same technology we use down at the station to predict the weather.
02:15I thought you used the Doppler radar.
02:17Oh, Shug.
02:18It's the same thing.
02:22It's called an MRI machine.
02:26You get to keep your pants on.
02:27Dang it, Peggy.
02:29How could you tell Nancy we were trying to get pregnant?
02:33We agreed we wouldn't tell anyone, including family.
02:38I mean, Nancy's going to tell Dale and...
02:41Hank, I have been sitting on these eggs for 40 years.
02:44They are ready to hatch.
02:46We were hoping that the advances in medicine might help us to overcome the difficulties caused by Hank's narrow urethra.
03:00And that these advances would mean, uh, you not looking down there.
03:08That won't be necessary, Mr. Hill.
03:12But I do have to measure your sperm count.
03:15That means we'll need a sample.
03:17Uh-huh.
03:18Huh.
03:19Now, is that something you do with the local anesthetic, or will you have to put me under?
03:25Oh, no.
03:26Miss Hill, perhaps you could explain to your husband.
03:31Uh-uh, busy.
03:37Occupied.
03:39Occupied.
03:40It's Dr. Buddha Manjur, Mr. Hill.
03:42Perhaps you'd be more comfortable trying this at home?
03:45No.
03:47Would you like a magazine?
03:49Okay.
03:50Do you have popular mechanics?
03:54Miss Hill, what did you tell him exactly?
04:00Well, Mr. Hill, I've got the results of your sperm count back from the lab.
04:05Come on.
04:07Big number.
04:08Earth, a big number.
04:09Uh, the sample you produced shows a count of eight million.
04:14Well, you hear that, Peggy?
04:19Eight million.
04:20Heh, heh.
04:21Must have taken him a long time to count it.
04:25Of course, the average man has a count of 100 million.
04:29Now, Hank, honey, just because you scored eight million on your sperm test does not mean you did not give a hundred and ten million percent.
04:39I give you an A for effort.
04:40I give you an A for effort.
04:42Mr. Hill, research shows that heat lowers fertility.
04:48One way to increase the number of healthy sperm is to lower the temperature.
04:52In the house?
04:54In your pants.
04:55Uh, yep.
05:01Yep.
05:03Mm-hmm.
05:04Yep.
05:06Yep.
05:06All right.
05:07Hank, maybe nobody else is going to say anything, but if we were supposed to wear shorts today, I would have appreciated the courtesy of a phone call.
05:15Yeah, man, it was a damn welcome person.
05:17I, too, am hurt, yo.
05:19All right, I didn't mean to upset you.
05:22I just found out that my, uh, my genes are in the wash.
05:26Now, who's ready?
05:35You know, I'm feeling kind of overheated myself.
05:39Scoot over, would you, Hank?
05:40Just so you know, I'm willing to drink beer you've sat on.
05:48I'm just not willing to reach for it.
05:56What you doing sitting in a wind tunnel, Hank?
05:58You got the prickly heats?
06:01No, sir.
06:02Just drying the ink on all the sales orders I wrote this morning.
06:06Yeah, I was trying to be polite, son.
06:08I saw the insurance forms from your weenie, doctor.
06:12Uh, those forms were supposed to be confidential.
06:16And employees are supposed to wear pants.
06:20But I won't tell if you don't.
06:23Thanks for the tune-up, Earl.
06:26So how you fixed for propane?
06:28Uh-oh, I'm good.
06:30Say, I wanted to ask you, Hank.
06:32Uh, let's see, how should I put this?
06:35You ever heard the song Peaches?
06:36Well, let's see, I might be able to think my way through it.
06:41Uh, going to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches.
06:47Ah, no, that's not the reason I asked.
06:49I was thinking about a way to get your count up.
06:52Oh, God, was Buck Strickland in here?
06:55No, but the gal who cuts his hair was.
06:59Truth be told, Hank, my count used to be nine million, almost as low as yours.
07:04But the thing that worked for me was Peaches.
07:08Uh, I don't know.
07:10Soak yourself in Peaches three times a day, Hank.
07:13Well...
07:13Well, what'd the test say?
07:21We won't know for another 20 seconds.
07:24But no matter what the result, I don't blame you.
07:30Sperm counts are dropping all over the world, and I don't blame you for that either.
07:35Hank, we both worked very hard, and I could feel we're getting closer, honey.
07:40It is within our grasp.
07:42That's 20 seconds.
07:51Huh, negative.
07:59Dad, what are you doing here?
08:01You didn't talk to Buck Strickland's hairstylist, too, did you?
08:05Nah, not in two years.
08:07Thought I'd drop by for a surprise visit.
08:10Hey, Hank's wife.
08:11Cotton.
08:12Dee Dee woman, hurry up with my bags.
08:23She ain't fat.
08:25I got sir knocked up.
08:27Yeah, we was using four layers of protection, and my men still got through.
08:38Please, Dad, there's a child present.
08:41Oh, she's my wife.
08:42Oh, she's my wife, Hank.
08:43She was there when it happened.
08:45Ain't that right, baby cakes?
08:47Um, if you say so, Cotton.
08:51Well, oh my.
08:52This is, uh, such exciting news.
08:55I am very excited now.
08:58You know, at your age, Cotton, having a child will be such a blessing.
09:03If it's a boy.
09:05Well, Dad, I think what Peggy's saying is that it's not very often that a man of 75 fathers a child.
09:13I mean, when the boy's 18, you'll be...
09:16I'll be dead.
09:17Pass the beans.
09:19My sources tell me that Hank's the problem.
09:23It's very hush-hush.
09:24Even his own daddy don't know.
09:27Yo, man.
09:27They don't need no way to hear from me, man.
09:29I mean, those dang old reliable swords, man.
09:31Dr. Rahabah never put him out of the cutter, man.
09:33He's talking about them dang old Chilly Willy, man.
09:37Good God!
09:38Have you gotten fatter, fatty?
09:41Sir, yes, sir!
09:42Colonel, let me be the first to congratulate you on the impregnation of Hank's stepmother.
09:49Bingo!
09:50Just think, Hank.
09:52If your doctor helps you and Peggy get pregnant,
09:55your baby and Cotton's baby can play together.
09:59Damn it, Bill.
10:00So, Dad, uh, you must be pretty happy about them executing that woman in Huntsville.
10:06Hank, has you been having trouble baby-making?
10:10No.
10:11Is it because of that skinny pipe in your thingy?
10:14We're not having any trouble.
10:16These things take time.
10:18I ain't got a memory of you, Reedy.
10:20He gets that from his mother.
10:21Mine's so damn wide I could pass the child myself if I had to.
10:27Ha-ha-ha-ha!
10:31Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
10:32Peggy, this is very nice of you, but I just feel awkward letting my stepdaughter buy me
10:59a crib. Oh, no, no, no, we want to. It's our gift to you, because we're so happy for you. Yeah, I think
11:07you've mentioned that, Peggy. Mrs. Peggy, hell, nice to see you again. Still just looking? Yes, I mean, no, I mean, well,
11:20actually, we are here today to buy a crib. Oh, my lord, congratulations. I knew you could do it, mister.
11:29Owen, you're already showing. What? Gather round, expectant fathers. Our free diaper changing
11:38seminar is now beginning.
11:39Oh, my lord.
11:41I don't know.
12:11I need a drink.
12:33I didn't plan for this.
12:36You think I planned for this?
12:38You know how it is.
12:42You dim the lights, put a little Andrew sisters on the phonograph.
12:48Hey, you likes the Andrew sisters, Bobby?
12:51Likes them? I loves them.
12:55Next thing you know, your grandmammy's got a biscuit in her oven.
13:03I'm too old to be having babies.
13:05We both are, mister.
13:08Your daddy's the right age to be having babies.
13:11Poor Hank and Hank's wife.
13:14They want another baby real bad.
13:16Uh, they do?
13:18Yeah, they flew a doctor in from Calcutta.
13:22Maybe he'll find a way to get you a baby brother.
13:25A brother?
13:27Baby brother?
13:28Mom and Dad are going to have another kid.
13:35Guess they want to get it right this time.
13:39Oh.
13:40Dad, are you busy?
13:52Uh, no, son.
13:54Uh, just, uh, checking the percentage of man-made fibers in these, uh, fuel filters.
14:01Yep, it's, uh, 30%.
14:06That's very interesting.
14:08You know, I'm very interested in things like that.
14:12Okay, then, it's settled.
14:18You and Mom won't have another baby.
14:20Ah!
14:22How'd you find out about that?
14:24Grandpa told me at the bar.
14:26It's not fair.
14:29If I knew this could happen, I'd have worked harder over the years.
14:34You know, exercise, cut back on the fruit pies, gotten a few B's to raise my average.
14:41Oh, this isn't because you're not good enough.
14:44You're great.
14:45And two of you will be twice as great.
14:47The only reason I look so good is because there's no competition.
14:52You have another kid, and I'll look like a failure.
14:59Believe me, Bobby, you're not the one who should be worried about looking like a failure.
15:05You're not in competition with anybody.
15:09Hank, Hank, Hank.
15:11Cotton's missing.
15:12He's run away.
15:13What?
15:14Are you sure?
15:15Oh, yes.
15:16He had me load his bags into the Cadillac car.
15:20Peggy, my dad got out.
15:22We got to go find him.
15:24Ooh, Dad.
15:26Miss Arlen hosts his swimsuit competition.
15:30Maybe Grandpa's in there.
15:32Good thinking, son.
15:35Bobby, check the parking lot for your Grandpa's Cadillac.
15:39Okay.
15:42Look at him, Peggy.
15:44Look at him run.
15:46Makes you realize what a blessing he is.
15:49He is our miracle child.
15:52Exactly.
15:53And it'd be awfully greedy of us to expect a second miracle.
15:57So you can see the only sensible thing to do is to stop trying to get pregnant.
16:02What?
16:03Hank, I know you are frustrated, and I know you look dopey in short pants, but we both work too hard to give up now.
16:11We?
16:12What have you done?
16:13I've been sitting in an igloo.
16:15You think I like to see that out my kitchen window?
16:18Well, if you want to keep trying, you can keep trying by yourself.
16:22Luanne, what'd they say at the police station?
16:32Okay.
16:33Grandpa Hill is not a missing persons until he's gone for 48 hours.
16:38But this really nice policeman gave me his home phone number, and, well, I'm probably not going to be able to help you look anymore tonight.
16:48Oh.
16:49Any calls, DeeDee?
16:51Just one.
16:52But I let the machine get it because I didn't want to tie up the line.
16:58Hey, it's me.
16:59I hope y'all ain't out looking for me, because if you are, you ain't going to find me, and I ain't coming back.
17:06Hank, I need you to raise DeeDee's baby.
17:10And DeeDee.
17:11Dang it.
17:14He could be anywhere from Arlen to who knows where.
17:17Dad.
17:18Dad.
17:19We can use Star 69 and find out where he called from.
17:27Yeah.
17:28Uh, hello?
17:30Who is this, please?
17:31Who's this?
17:32This is Hank Hill.
17:34Yeah.
17:35Uh, where am I calling?
17:37Yeah.
17:37I'm at the corner of Sierra and Flamingo.
17:39Sierra, is that Dallas?
17:42It's Vegas, Hank.
17:44Ah, well, that just tears it.
17:46He's in Las Vegas.
17:49Pretty smart of me, huh, Mom?
17:51I doubt some little baby would know how to dial Star 69.
17:59All right, if I drive all night, I can get to Vegas by the morning.
18:04I'll call you when I find a motel.
18:06You bring him back, Hank.
18:08That little ferret thinks he can have it all.
18:11A child and a Vegas chip.
18:13Well, I didn't get either this year.
18:16Bobby, I'm gonna need you to be the man of the house while I'm gone.
18:19Sure, Dad.
18:20I'll be the man of the house.
18:22While still fulfilling my duties as the child of the house.
18:27Hank, my stepson.
18:29Cotton is small and sneaky.
18:32How will you ever find him?
18:33I'll tell you how he'll ever find him.
18:37With the finest mail order surveillance equipment the Libyans have to offer.
18:42Not now, Dale.
18:44Couldn't hear you, Hank.
18:46But if you were asking if I am a licensed professional bounty hunter,
18:50I think this hat speaks for itself.
18:54Well, all right.
18:55I guess I could use some help driving.
18:57Maybe we can put that thing to some use and sing karaoke to stay awake.
19:03Oh, boy.
19:16Going to the country, gonna need a lot of bitches.
19:43Are we there yet?
19:46All right.
19:57Now, if we're gonna find him, we need to think like my dad would think.
20:04Ah, eight topless bars and no cotton.
20:08Of course, you'd be a lot more help if you'd open your eyes, Hank.
20:12Hank, I'm in love.
20:15That was the finest deep-dish pizza I ever tasted.
20:22But Andrews, sisters, I didn't know they were still alive.
20:27They're my dad's favorite.
20:28Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me.
20:37Until I come marching home.
20:44Thank you, Las Vegas, and good night.
20:47Excuse me, ladies.
20:51That was just wonderful.
20:53My dad has all your records.
20:55And I wonder, coincidentally, if he might have been in here tonight.
21:02Mm-hmm.
21:02He was here.
21:04That little firecracker grabbed my rear.
21:07Well, he does like the ladies.
21:10Right.
21:10So when he figured out I wasn't really his sister, he started breaking plates.
21:15They threw him out.
21:17Oh!
21:21Excuse me, folks.
21:23Have any of you seen an older man about yay high possibly shouting obscenities?
21:30Welcome to my world, pal.
21:32Come on.
21:33Come on.
21:33Stop.
21:34Get out.
21:35Shoot me.
21:36Oh, crap.
22:36I've decided to stop trying for another baby.
22:39Not that it's any of your business.
22:41Oh, geez, Hank, you shouldn't give up.
22:44I mean, if your dad can have a baby.
22:47This has got nothing to do with my dad.
22:51You know what?
22:51I'm tired.
22:52I want to be alone.
22:54Why don't you guys go check the poker tables?
22:57Meh.
23:02Oh, thank you.
23:03Oh, thank you very much.
23:06What do you have?
23:08Beer.
23:10I got honey.
23:11American.
23:17Say, do you allow children in the casino?
23:21No way.
23:22No one under 21.
23:25Huh.
23:25Hello, Dad.
23:36Don't you unstrap me.
23:38I ain't going back.
23:39You can't make me.
23:40I didn't come here to bring you back.
23:42I just came to let you know that I'll look in on Deedee and the baby and the new husband.
23:50What?
23:50Who is it?
23:52I forget his name.
23:54Terry or Jerry or something like that.
23:56I think he's a dancer at Chippendales.
23:59Give me his address.
24:01I'll get him.
24:03Dad, I just made him up.
24:06But you see how worked up you got?
24:09You still love Deedee.
24:11Now, come on home.
24:12Ah, I was going back anyway.
24:16Got to find me Mr. Terry Jerry and get him up good.
24:22So did you at What's-Her-Name knocked up yet?
24:24No, uh, we've, well, I've decided not to have another child.
24:30The whole idea has upset Bobby too much.
24:34I always knew you was a quitter.
24:36Well, you're the one who always flips up the board when you're losing to me at Checkers.
24:41I never lost to you.
24:43And we haven't played Checkers in years.
24:46Uh-oh.
24:47I get it.
24:49I got Deedee pregnant and you can't with Hank's wife.
24:53So you're flipping up the board.
24:56Yeah, that's right.
24:57I'm giving up.
24:58You win.
24:59You happy?
25:00Oh, Hank.
25:02You ain't in competition with me.
25:05Hell, if it's a contest on who's the better daddy, you win.
25:10I mean, you made Bobby.
25:13All I made was you.
25:15Uh, thanks, Dad.
25:18But what if I keep trying and it, and you know, it doesn't happen?
25:24Well, then you had the fun of trying, boy.
25:28I gots to have that talk with you.
25:31Sounds good, Dad.
25:33Let's go.
25:33Well, hold on, Hank.
25:36And nobody knows you found me yet.
25:39What do you say you and me have some fun tonight in Vegas?
25:43Uh, sure, okay.
25:47Ain't the hard way.
25:51Three crabs, you lose.
25:53What?
25:53No, Dad.
26:00That was practice.
26:03That was practice.
26:04That was practice.
26:23Uh, uh, uh, busy.