King Of The Hill Season 2 Episode 3 The Arrowhead
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00:30Gentlemen, the John Deere 518R walked behind Tiller.
00:43Look at it, son.
00:45Five horsepower Briggs and Stratton engine, 16 heat-resistant tines, 13-inch super lug tires,
00:54and if I'm not mistaken, this model comes with a hat.
01:00Can I have it?
01:06You know, Bobby should see this, too.
01:10Hey, Bobby!
01:11Now, Bobby, there is a lot you can learn from PBS, thanks to the support of viewers like me.
01:18Bobby, come meet our new rototiller.
01:22Later, Hank.
01:23This is educational TV time.
01:26What we're about to see is British comedy.
01:30You may not understand all of it at first because it's more sophisticated than what we're used to.
01:36That man is wearing a dress.
01:41Exactly.
01:42Well, I can't wait any longer.
01:44Bobby's just going to have to watch the tape.
01:47Oh, look at that.
01:55What the...
01:56Oh, posh.
01:59I've a run in my stocking.
02:02Yes, Prime Minister.
02:03Made in America cannot just be a marketing gimmick like Dolphin Safe.
02:13It's got to stand for something.
02:15What's wrong, Dad?
02:17Well, this dang rock busted up my rototiller.
02:21A rock?
02:22That is no rock.
02:24This is an arrowhead.
02:26An Indian arrowhead.
02:28I led a field trip once to the Museum of Texas Cultures.
02:32A little girl swallowed one just like this by mistake.
02:35She thought it was a rock, too.
02:37We learned in school you don't call them Indians anymore.
02:41You call them Native Americans.
02:44It's like saying same-sex partner instead of...
02:48Bobby!
02:48Bobby!
02:49Bobby!
03:06Cool, Dad.
03:07What is that?
03:09Some old Indian thing.
03:11What's it for?
03:12Well, I don't know much about Indians, but I do know tools.
03:18And if I had to guess, I'd say you jam one of these in the back of a white man's skull,
03:25twist the handle like so, and then your blood runs out through the hole here.
03:34Yep.
03:35That's what it's for.
03:36I thought the tribes that used to live around here were peaceful.
03:41Well, I'm gonna get to the bottom of this.
03:44I'd hate to use a tool improperly.
03:46Uh, hi, Nancy.
03:58Oh, uh, sorry, Shug.
04:01Dale's at work.
04:02Uh, yeah.
04:04Uh, yeah.
04:07I'm not looking for Dale.
04:09Uh, I'm looking for, uh, John Redcorn.
04:13John Redcorn, it's for you.
04:35Hank, Nancy has a therapeutic massage today.
04:39For her migraines.
04:44Listen, I found this Indian, uh, native Indian thing in my yard, and I was wondering if you knew what it was.
04:53It's a tool used for straightening the shaft of an arrow.
04:56Uh-huh.
04:57In a pinch, though, you could jam it into someone's brain stem, right?
05:03Yes, but that's true of almost any tool.
05:06Well, yeah, sure, I guess.
05:08A treasure such as this is priceless to my people.
05:12Really?
05:13What do you suppose it's worth to my people?
05:17A museum or university might give you $50.
05:21$50, huh?
05:24Well, that'd get me a new rototiller blade.
05:27Hank, think about what you're doing.
05:30It is wrong to take what belongs to another person and...
05:33John Redcorn.
05:35Well, food for thought.
05:41Oh.
05:48Hey, man.
05:56Sign a petition to legalize hemp.
05:58What's hemp?
06:00It's a cheap and durable source of fibers that can be used for making clothing, rope, and paper.
06:07Typical government over-regulation.
06:10Why wouldn't they legalize this stuff?
06:12Well, because, you know, it's basically...
06:16Marijuana?
06:18Oh!
06:20The volcano erupted so suddenly that the village and everyone in it were instantly encased in lava,
06:27creating a snapshot, if you will, of daily life at that exact moment.
06:31And when we archaeologists go and develop that snapshot,
06:35believe me, no one is smiling.
06:37See you tomorrow.
06:46That's right.
06:47They're breasts.
06:48Big deal.
06:51Uh, excuse me, Professor.
06:54I'm Hank Hill.
06:55I left a message on your voicemail.
06:57I don't know if you got it.
06:58It said to press pound, but I...
07:00The artifact guy, yeah.
07:01You don't have to hit pound.
07:03So, what do you got for me?
07:05Well, I got this arrowhead, and this here's a shaft straightener.
07:11So, uh, what do you think they're worth?
07:14Well, the arrowhead, that's worth nothing.
07:16That's garbage.
07:17Here, want me to throw it away for you?
07:19It's on me.
07:20Uh, how about the other one?
07:22A cattle tribesman might have traded this for, say, a new loincloth.
07:28What's a crotch-sized piece of leather go for these days?
07:31I certainly do not know.
07:33Can't be more than ten dollars, right?
07:35Well, now, hold on a minute.
07:37An Indian friend of mine said it was sacred.
07:39Let me explain something to you, Mr. Hill.
07:42To the Native Americans, everything is sacred.
07:45The sun, the dirt.
07:47You want to pay me for the air you've been breathing since you came in?
07:50That's sacred, too.
07:51Look, I don't want to argue this.
07:53I'll just take the ten dollars.
07:56Count it.
07:56It's all there.
07:57Ha, ha, ha, ha.
08:00Ha, ha, ha, ha.
08:01Ha, ha, ha.
08:02Okay.
08:02Ha, ha, ha, ha.
08:03Ha, ha, ha.
08:03Ha, ha, ha, ha.
08:05You had no right to sell those artifacts, Hank.
08:14This home belongs to the both of us.
08:16What are you so upset about?
08:18I got ten dollars for some junk that Bobby would have just ended up swallowing.
08:23Those objects were cultural.
08:25They could have expanded Bobby's mind.
08:27And I, for one, want my son's brain to swell up as big as it'll go.
08:39What are you doing?
08:41You're eating fried chicken for breakfast?
08:43Nuh-uh.
08:44We're making bones for Bobby's social studies project.
08:49It's a Native American necklace like the Tonkawa War.
08:53I was gonna bring in the arrowhead and get an A and maybe even go to college.
08:59But Mom says you sold out my future for ten dollars.
09:03I hope you're happy.
09:05That's still Mom talking.
09:14I'm sorry, gentlemen, but we are not in the market for a new religion.
09:18Who, me?
09:19Oh, no, no, no.
09:20I'm an archaeologist.
09:22Professor John Lerner, Ph.D.
09:24Oh, Peggy Hill.
09:27You know, I'm a teacher, too.
09:29Substitute Spanish.
09:30Mm-hmm.
09:31Your husband came to see me the other day with a cotto arrowhead.
09:34Well, I am the one who first determined it was not a rock.
09:39Well, you are a friend to archaeology.
09:42And archaeology can use all the friends it can get with all the red tape we put up with.
09:47Look at this.
09:49Those pieces your husband found weren't worth much, but who knows?
09:53Tomorrow, if we poke around here a little, I might find something of real cultural value.
09:58Oh, please.
10:00Be my guest.
10:01Well, no, that's what I'm saying.
10:02They want paperwork, a homeowner's signature.
10:06Technically, I shouldn't even be here.
10:08Don't be silly.
10:09Give me that.
10:12I thank you.
10:14Archaeology thanks you.
10:16And most of all, I want you to thank yourself.
10:19Oh, no.
10:20I couldn't.
10:21For advancing the cause of knowledge, Peggy.
10:23Come on now.
10:24I want to hear it.
10:25Well, thank you, Peggy Hill.
10:27You are welcome.
10:30You see, the secret is pretending they're special.
10:32I probably could have gotten a title to her house if I'd have complimented her stupid glasses.
10:39What was that about?
10:40Nothing.
10:41The professor, my friend, just wanted to know if he could poke around the lawn tomorrow for some artifacts.
10:47I, of course, said yes.
10:49How could you do that, Peggy, without even asking me?
10:53Well, you sold that arrowhead without asking me.
10:57Fine.
10:58We're even.
10:59But I think you owe my lawn an apology.
11:05We're waiting.
11:06Uh, Peggy?
11:13You can't just think it.
11:15You've got to say it out loud.
11:21Hank, I thought you told Dale not to mow at this hour.
11:26What?
11:28That's not Dale's mower.
11:31That's not a mower at all.
11:33No!
11:38No!
11:38Therefore, I have to refer to this dang old life for mentioning antiquities pursuant to the public domain, Title 9-7, the sub-state resource code, but I'll tell you what, man, it's there tight.
12:07Boomhower, I didn't understand a word you just said. Damn legalese. I never thought I'd see the day when my own government would go around stealing people's land.
12:20Think about it, Hank. Isn't that what happened to the peoples who lived here before us?
12:37Whoa, whoa, what are they doing? That's my privacy hedge.
12:43Hi, Uncle Hank.
12:45I hope you don't mind, but I borrowed your razor.
12:49All right, that's it. Everybody off my property. I said off. Don't make me call the cops.
12:57Go right ahead. And while you're at it, tell them you're trespassing on a protected archaeological site.
13:03What I'm about to say goes against everything I believe.
13:09But you play dirty and you leave me with no choice.
13:13You are sued, mister. You're all witnesses.
13:18And you're all being sued, too. And you're the witness to that.
13:24Here, I want all your names. And I don't want any Seymour Butts or IP Freelys.
13:29My wife's a substitute teacher. I know all the tricks.
13:39What do you think it is?
13:40I'm not sure yet.
13:43I think it's a clay pot.
13:47More likely a ceramic bowl.
13:49Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You may be right.
13:51Yes. Would you excuse me?
13:53Peggy, you won't believe what that idiot professor did.
14:03He got dirt all over my compost heap.
14:07Hank, please. Professor Lerner is no idiot.
14:11In fact, he's a genius.
14:13And that's as far from idiot as you can get before reaching madness.
14:17Maybe we should invite the professor to dinner.
14:20Bobby could learn a lot from him.
14:22Don't turn dinner into school, Peggy.
14:25Dinner's one of the few things Bobby's good at.
14:28Well, he is good with the fork and knife. I grant you that.
14:32But it's time for him to move to the next level.
14:36Learning the art of conversation and drinking without a straw.
14:41I'll never forget when the King Tut exhibit came to my hometown.
14:45I'm standing in that museum amongst these priceless artifacts, thinking, I can do better.
14:52Three years later, I had my first Ph.D.
14:55From the University of Chicago.
14:58That's one of the finest schools in the country.
15:00School?
15:02They don't even have a football team.
15:04Oh, so you like football, huh, Bobby?
15:07Did you know that the Cotto Indians played a game like football?
15:11They called it Chunky.
15:13Only they used sticks, darts, and rolling discs of stone.
15:17Tell me more, Professor.
15:20Right, Mom?
15:20All right, if the Cotto could play Chunky with a stone disc, why couldn't they invent the wheel?
15:40Peggy.
15:41No, uh-uh, you cannot just blow my mind and leave.
15:44Sorry, big day tomorrow. We're digging up your rose bushes.
15:48Oh, how exciting.
15:48Maybe you and Bobby would like to assist me.
15:51I don't believe it. Our first dig.
15:53I remember my first dig.
15:55The thinnest frost sight.
15:57That's where I discovered my first Wahasha bracelet.
16:01This is a replica.
16:03The real one is very fragile, and it doesn't go with this sweater.
16:07Oh, it's just beautiful.
16:10A man wearing jewelry. That's funny.
16:13Like on PBS.
16:14Bobby, shh.
16:15A Wahasha bracelet is not jewelry.
16:19It's a badge of honor.
16:21A young brave would give one of these to a girl he liked as a symbol of their bond.
16:26Wahasha means connection.
16:29But it can also mean much more.
16:33Huh.
16:33Kind of like aloha.
16:35It means hello and goodbye.
16:39Well, actually, it's more like...
16:40Well, aloha.
16:42Goodbye.
16:43Yeah.
16:45Before we discuss this ancient Indian burial ground, I'd like to say two things.
16:51First, thank you to Mrs. Peggy Hill for organizing this field trip.
16:55Secondly, if a bony hand reaches out from the soil and tries to drag you into its grave, remain calm.
17:04Seriously.
17:05Remain calm.
17:08Now, who can tell me what Indian tribes are native to Arlen?
17:12Ah, Mrs. Hill.
17:19Enlighten us, please.
17:21Well, if I'm not mistaken, and I could be, the Cato were the earliest settlers of this region.
17:29That's exactly right.
17:30A high-pressure system coming in will mean lower temperature.
17:41Where have you been?
17:43You missed action sports and half of action weather.
17:46Bobby and I have been in the yard all day, digging things up.
17:51Oh, by the way, he knows his cat didn't run away now.
17:55So, what did I miss?
17:57Another new soccer league.
18:0030% chance of rain.
18:02Rain?
18:03Oh, well, I better warn the professor.
18:06He left the top down on his sob.
18:09I guess I'll just go to bed.
18:14What in God's name?
18:17Stadium lights, like the cowboys use.
18:20Well, now the professor can dig all night if he wants to.
18:23The cowboys would treasure my lawn, not turn it into some kind of a freak show.
18:28Oh, it hasn't been all bad, Hank.
18:32We may have lost a lawn, but Bobby gained a role model.
18:36I'm his role model, not that bracelet-wearing egghead.
18:41I really don't see what you have against the professor.
18:44I think we all would benefit from spending more time with him.
18:47Now, if you'll excuse me, I really should go warn him.
18:51His sob has leather seats.
18:53All right, now you take the brush, okay, and just ever so gently, gingerly, sweep it away.
19:12You're very good at this.
19:13Mm-hmm.
19:14I know what you're thinking, Hank, and it's not true.
19:19Every once in a while, a guy suspects his wife has a thing for another man.
19:24That's not what I'm thinking at all.
19:26I'm thinking about cheese logs.
19:30Uh-huh.
19:32My Nancy's going to Corpus Christi this weekend for some migraine workshop.
19:37I'm suspicious as hell.
19:41See you, Shug.
19:43Feel better.
19:44Bring me back a shot glass.
19:49Good thing John Redcorn's going with her.
19:52He can keep an eye on things.
19:54I'll take your love.
19:56What are you making?
20:18I'm making a problem go away.
20:21Uh-huh.
20:22What, you got possums?
20:24Nope.
20:25This jerk archaeologist who...
20:27You know what works for me.
20:29He slipped a cap full of arsenic into a side of bacon.
20:33Well, that would be murder, Bill.
20:43What do you think would happen if this know-it-all found a fake artifact and thought it was real?
20:50What would Peggy think of him then, huh?
20:52Uh, I mainly just know about possums.
20:56What do you think would happen if this know-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it-all found a fake artifact and thought-it
21:26Find anything?
21:39No, not yet.
21:41Huh. You've been at it all morning.
21:44Think you'd have turned up something by now.
21:46Well, archaeology is a game of patience.
21:49You know, that sounds a lot like fishing.
21:52Sometimes when you're not having any luck in one spot,
21:55you move to a new spot, like over there.
22:00Yep, that's where I'd fish, right over there.
22:07Professor, come quick. I found something.
22:17Peggy, no, leave that alone. You don't know what you're doing.
22:22Is that what you think?
22:23Peggy, well, I'm not quite sure Professor Lerner would agree with you.
22:27You'd be surprised what I've learned from him this week.
22:31Now, what do you suppose it is, Professor?
22:34Oh, no, no. Tell us what you think it is, Peggy.
22:38Okay.
22:39Well, this is most likely a Tunkawa Warrior necklace made from the finger bones of his enemy.
22:52Really? Finger bones? Fascinating.
22:55How did you come to that conclusion?
22:57Well, they're bones, and they're the size of fingers.
23:01So I just put two and two together, and I added a thumb.
23:07You know, I just got a crazy idea.
23:10Let's find out what it really is.
23:13Scott?
23:14Uh, looks like a bunch of chicken bones.
23:21Correct, Barbara.
23:23Scratched up with a belt sander.
23:26Of course. Andrea?
23:27And strung together with kite string.
23:30Bingo.
23:31They make it look so easy, don't they?
23:33You know the secret?
23:35They're archaeologists.
23:37What?
23:37Well, I don't understand.
23:42Oh, I get it.
23:46Archaeologists, right?
23:48Archaeologists.
23:50Oh, I am such an idiot.
23:55Don't you believe it, Peggy.
23:57They're not so smart.
23:59I didn't use kite string.
24:02I used baling twine.
24:04Ha!
24:05You?
24:05But why?
24:08It's not enough that you think I'm stupid.
24:11You have to make me look stupid, too?
24:14What?
24:15I wasn't trying to...
24:17Peggy, you're the only one around here I actually respect.
24:20I was trying to make him look stupid.
24:26Don't tell me you were jealous.
24:28Jealousy had nothing to do with it.
24:47Oh, Hank.
24:50I have something in my eye.
24:52But I am also crying.
25:04What are you laughing at?
25:08Well, it's funny, isn't it?
25:10Sounds like I could have scored with your wife for the price of a fake bracelet.
25:13What?
25:14Okay, okay.
25:19You pushed me in.
25:21Whatever it takes to make you feel good about yourself.
25:26Mr. Hill, violence doesn't solve anything.
25:29So why don't we just discuss this like...
25:31You know what's ironic about this?
25:34You're the one who looks stupid right now.
25:36Okay.
25:40So you're stronger than I am.
25:41You've proven that.
25:43Fine.
25:45I'm starting to enjoy this.
25:46I really am.
25:47I want you to push me in the hole.
25:49Please, push me in the hole.
25:51Okay.
25:52I'll see you next time.
26:21You'll get tired of this long before I do.