Taskmaster Season17 Episode11
Category
📺
TVTranscription
00:00 (musique)
00:24 (applaudissements)
00:36 - Hello! Hello!
00:40 I'm Greg Davies.
00:41 Welcome to the Taskmaster Grand Final!
00:45 (applaudissements)
00:49 What a journey we've been on.
00:51 On a vu la plateforme de compétences et de l'intuition
00:55 et une femme du Nord qui a l'air inquiète.
00:58 En nous éclatant dans ce dernier set de défis,
01:01 le prix ultime de ma giletée
01:04 pourrait aller à n'importe qui,
01:06 à part deux d'entre eux,
01:08 qui ne peuvent pas gagner car ils ont été de la merde.
01:12 Donc, ici ils sont.
01:13 Applaudissez encore une fois pour le phénomène,
01:16 Joanne McNally!
01:18 John Robbins!
01:21 Nick Mohamed!
01:23 Sophie Willen!
01:25 Et Steve Pemberton!
01:28 Et pour nous, pour la série,
01:30 un homme que j'associe toujours à la bonne nuit,
01:33 car il a l'air d'un giant kebab qui se déroule
01:35 et que un enfant dans le dessin de dessin animé a dessiné.
01:39 C'est le petit Alex Horne!
01:42 (applaudissements)
01:45 - Oui, mon gars!
01:46 - C'est génial!
01:47 Je vais porter mon vêtement spécial pour la finale.
01:49 C'est vraiment cool.
01:51 Je veux vraiment que je porte ces vêtements pour toute la série.
01:55 - Je ne vais pas te permettre de porter les vêtements pour la finale.
01:58 - Je dois les porter. Non, je dois les porter.
02:00 Je ne les ai pas trimées!
02:02 (rires)
02:08 - Pour être honnête, c'est une de tes meilleures sections de chat.
02:12 - Alors, c'est parti!
02:13 - Alors, quelle est la dernière tâche de la série, Alex?
02:16 - Alors, Gregington Bear, nous terminons sur quelque chose
02:19 qui pourrait vraiment faire la différence pour le monde,
02:21 car vous avez demandé à lui de porter
02:22 "La chose qui donne la plus d'espoir pour le futur de la race humaine."
02:26 - Oh! - Oh!
02:27 - 5 points, ça semble un bon défi pour "La chose qui donne la plus d'espoir
02:30 pour le futur de la race humaine."
02:32 Et à la fin de l'épisode, nous aurons tous de l'espoir.
02:34 Et peut-être que c'est tout ce que vous pouvez demander dans cette vie.
02:37 Je vous aime, les gars.
02:39 - Moi aussi, Greg.
02:40 - Bien, Sophie, bienvenue dans la finale.
02:44 Qu'avez-vous apporté?
02:45 - Bien, alors, l'IA.
02:48 Un jour, vous pourrez vérifier votre corps en utilisant vos téléphones,
02:54 n'est-ce pas? - Bien.
02:56 - Nous pourrons avoir un médical en plein temps, très vite, avec l'IA.
02:59 - Bien. - Et je pensais que ça serait génial.
03:01 - Oui. - Et je pensais, surtout pour toi,
03:03 à cause de tes choix de vie et tout ce que tu as à faire...
03:06 (rires)
03:07 - Je porte quelques paires de poches.
03:09 - Oui, et tu as l'air nacre.
03:11 (rires)
03:12 - Sophie, je peux montrer à Greg ce que tu as apporté?
03:14 - Oh, oui, c'est pour te rappeler qu'il y a de l'espoir.
03:17 - Oui, merci. - Un petit robot.
03:19 (rires)
03:21 - Je crois que tu as raison. L'IA pourrait nous sauver.
03:25 Et donc, ce n'est pas, à part, de la merde totale.
03:29 - Bien. Je l'accepte.
03:31 - Nick.
03:33 - Ce que j'ai apporté, c'est le concept de la mort.
03:40 (rires)
03:42 Parce que je pense que rien ne devrait donner plus d'espoir à la race humaine,
03:47 que, peu importe combien tu peux te faire foutre dans la vie ou sur le défilé,
03:51 le fait que ce soit écrit dans les étoiles, d'une certaine manière,
03:55 je pense, offre un degré de confort.
03:57 Tu vois ce que je veux dire par ça?
03:59 - Oui, surtout pour les gens qui ne prennent pas la responsabilité
04:01 de leurs propres actions.
04:02 - Bien, à cela, j'ai fait une prédiction
04:07 de mon score final sur ce défilé.
04:10 - C'est assez excitant.
04:11 - Donc, j'ai vraiment, à l'intérieur,
04:14 j'ai écrit mon score final de toute la série.
04:18 - Bien.
04:19 - Je le signerai ici, à travers le bâtiment.
04:23 - Tu regardes Tassmaster en fin de course.
04:25 (rires)
04:26 - Si tu le signes au-dessus du sceau, aussi,
04:28 il y a un #, tu sais que personne ne peut le faire.
04:31 - Bien, OK.
04:32 Et si tu veux le plier là-dessous?
04:34 - Je le plierais là-dessous.
04:35 - Et la preuve sera à la fin, mais oui, le fait.
04:39 - Je me sens totalement sous son pouvoir.
04:41 (rires)
04:42 - Bien, John.
04:44 - Le monde est dans un endroit assez effrayant.
04:46 Je pense que nous aurions tous agi
04:48 que ceux en pouvoir ne nous représentent pas.
04:50 - Oui, mon gars.
04:52 - Je ne vois qu'une seule solution,
04:54 et c'est Cathy Burke.
04:57 (rires)
04:58 - Je me suis réuni pour la première fois avec Cathy récemment.
05:02 Elle est gentille, amusante, inscrupule, intelligente,
05:07 et je pense que si nous avions pu
05:10 mettre Cathy Burke en charge de tout,
05:12 et ou cloner elle, avec permission,
05:14 alors cela aurait mené à la guerre, à l'inégalité, à la pauvreté.
05:18 Je pense que elle a beaucoup d'anses.
05:21 - Je veux dire, c'est beaucoup de responsabilité
05:23 de mettre sur les épaules de la femme
05:25 de Kevin et de Peri Golard.
05:27 (rires)
05:29 - Elle a choisi "Get your freak on" sur des disques de Desert Island,
05:31 et c'était ma première réponse à mon mariage.
05:33 - OK.
05:34 (rires)
05:37 C'est une bonne raison de la laisser un bas.
05:39 (rires)
05:41 - Un grand fan. Joanne.
05:43 - J'ai vraiment pensé à ça,
05:44 et le futur de la race humaine,
05:46 autant que je l'aime,
05:47 c'est un gros problème.
05:49 (rires)
05:50 Tous les gros tueurs, tous les grands dictateurs,
05:53 tous les hommes.
05:54 Je me réfère constamment à moi-même comme une pute basique.
05:57 C'est le moment de donner le pouvoir aux femmes, comme moi.
05:59 Je vous présente la "Pute basique starter pack".
06:02 - Oui.
06:03 - On a...
06:04 (rires)
06:05 des coulisses d'oeil d'ouille.
06:07 On a quelques chaussures de Chippo de Primark.
06:11 (rires)
06:12 Des chaussures, un pansement,
06:13 parce que les putes basiques aiment être en jolie.
06:15 On aime se détendre.
06:17 Donnez plus de pouvoir aux putes basiques.
06:18 Les choses seront beaucoup plus calmes.
06:20 (applaudissements)
06:22 - J'ai toujours dit ça.
06:24 - J'aime ça.
06:25 Ça fait du sens.
06:27 Steve, que nous avez-vous apporté?
06:29 - J'ai apporté quelque chose ce soir
06:31 que je ne pense pas que personne n'a jamais apporté
06:33 au Taskmaster avant.
06:34 - OK.
06:35 - Et c'est ça.
06:36 - Voici.
06:37 - Oh!
06:38 - Rien.
06:39 - Oh, mon Dieu, vous allez me faire avoir une crise existentielle,
06:41 n'est-ce pas?
06:42 - C'est un statement.
06:43 Rien.
06:44 Si vous pensez à toutes les choses menacées
06:46 que nous avons vécues récemment, désolé,
06:48 l'intelligence artificielle, le Brexit,
06:50 la culture de cancel, les pandémies mortelles...
06:52 - Oui.
06:53 - Les gaz à eau, les températures les plus chaudes de l'histoire,
06:55 les capteurs d'ice se déchirant,
06:57 John Robbins probablement gagnant au Taskmaster...
06:59 (rires)
07:01 Ce sont les catastrophes du jour.
07:03 (rires)
07:04 Et je pense que vous le savez, Greg.
07:06 - Je le sais.
07:07 - Et encore...
07:09 Et encore.
07:10 (rires)
07:12 - Il fait le point de fun de Tony Blair.
07:14 (rires)
07:16 - Si il y a un testiste qui regarde ce soir
07:18 son TikTok ou ses memes,
07:20 juste parce que j'ai dit ce que j'ai dit,
07:22 et pense "Pourquoi le vieux Vicar-man
07:24 dit que le monde va finir ?"
07:26 Je dois faire quelque chose pour ça.
07:28 Et ils disent à un ami, et leur ami dit à un ami.
07:30 Tout d'un coup, vous avez le début d'un mouvement
07:32 juste parce que j'ai choisi de ne rien apporter au Taskmaster.
07:35 Et si vous pouvez me soutenir sur ce point, Greg,
07:38 je pense que ça pourrait être le début d'un vrai changement.
07:41 La société a besoin de véritables racontateurs.
07:44 Emmeline Pankhurst, Rosa Parks,
07:47 Malala,
07:49 Greg Davis.
07:51 (rires)
07:53 (applaudissements)
07:55 - Je veux juste prendre un instant,
08:00 c'est la première fois que je serai inclus dans une phrase
08:02 dans la même société que Malala.
08:04 (rires)
08:06 - D'accord, Greg, bonne chance.
08:08 - Bon, John, il n'y a pas de mal à Cathy Burke.
08:11 Je n'ai pas rencontré elle, donc je ne peux pas juger.
08:13 Cathy, si tu regardes, désolé, un point.
08:16 (rires)
08:18 - Nick, c'est difficile, car Nick's magic trick,
08:21 à l'instant, c'est de la merde,
08:23 mais ça pourrait devenir incroyable.
08:25 Je lui donne 2 points, full stop, end of.
08:28 Mais si il prévoit correctement le score,
08:30 je lui donnerai un prix de cash de mon propre...
08:32 (rires)
08:34 300 pounds.
08:36 (cris d'exclamations)
08:38 - Je dois le doner à la charité? - Non.
08:40 (rires)
08:42 3 points pour le robot.
08:43 - Ce robot pourrait nous sauver, mais aussi nous détruire.
08:46 - Pas de problème.
08:47 - Je vais donner le concept de rien,
08:49 même si c'était une des meilleures performances que j'ai vues.
08:52 Juste parce que...
08:54 Une merde basique qui fait le boulot est un peu plus tangible.
08:56 Je lui donnerai 5 points.
08:58 - 4 points pour la équipe. 5 points pour Greg.
09:00 (acclamations)
09:02 - C'est tellement difficile à détruire. - Impossible.
09:04 - Impossible.
09:05 - C'est une vraie tâche.
09:07 - OK, bien, pour la finale, nous avons des piques, Greg.
09:10 Des piques, des piques, Greg, et des tâches, Greg.
09:12 Don't ask Greg, but there's so many tasks, Greg.
09:14 Tasks and pegs, Greg. Let's go.
09:16 (musique)
09:18 (musique)
09:20 (musique)
09:22 (musique)
09:24 (musique)
09:26 (musique)
09:28 (musique)
09:30 - Oh, God.
09:32 - You all right? - Yeah, I'm all right.
09:34 - John. - Hello, Alex.
09:36 - Please open a task.
09:38 - Oh, what is that?
09:40 - It's not that, is it?
09:42 - No.
09:44 - But they're all tasks.
09:46 - Is this a random choice of task, whichever I want?
09:48 - Yes. - This guy.
09:50 - You sure?
09:52 - Yeah. - No.
09:54 - Oh, God.
09:56 Find and complete the real task.
09:58 - Each task
10:00 has a 1% chance
10:02 of being the real task.
10:04 - Fastest wins.
10:06 Your time started
10:08 when you opened your first task.
10:10 (applaudissements)
10:12 - Lovely.
10:14 Well, this is one of those tasks
10:16 that we do from time to time.
10:18 I think that it is a basic intelligence test.
10:20 Because there are two ways of approaching this.
10:22 It's to take a moment
10:24 and to work out if there's a way
10:26 of finding out what the real task is
10:28 before you maniacally rip all of those
10:30 tasks off the washing line.
10:32 - Shall we crack on? - Let's have a look.
10:34 - OK. Sophie and Joanne
10:36 are up first to find the real task.
10:38 Here we go.
10:40 - There's no point in me just pulling all these off,
10:42 sure there's not.
10:44 - Ooh!
10:46 Find and complete the real task.
10:48 No, find and complete
10:50 the real task.
10:52 Ooh! Do you know what? I'm going down here.
10:54 - There has to be a better way of doing this.
10:58 - Ah!
11:02 Am I...
11:04 missing something?
11:06 Clue.
11:08 Is there a clue? I've not seen clues.
11:10 I'm going to go in the middle.
11:12 - What's S mean?
11:14 - I know I'm missing something. I'm missing a trick somewhere.
11:16 - Right. Think, Sophie.
11:18 Clue.
11:20 - S-E-D.
11:22 - Ah.
11:24 - Will you hold him?
11:26 - Oh, thank you. Nice to be involved.
11:28 - Make yourself useful. Is there nothing in the shed for this?
11:32 - Oh!
11:34 - Paige.
11:38 This is the real task.
11:42 Just about looking, isn't it?
11:44 Yeah, peg all the tasks
11:46 onto the wall. Ooh.
11:48 This is like some sort of
11:50 lesson, isn't it?
11:52 The moral is, you know, don't rush in.
11:54 Be less reactive as a person.
11:56 And you won't have to
11:58 clean up your own mess afterwards.
12:00 - 1%.
12:02 - I wanted to pink outside the box.
12:04 I feel like I'm very much in the box.
12:06 - Any more letters there?
12:08 It's not going well.
12:10 - Shed!
12:12 - Thanks. - Shit!
12:14 - Two more.
12:16 - I've stopped the clock. - Brilliant.
12:18 - Sophie, congratulations.
12:20 - Thank you very much.
12:22 - Peg all the tasks to the washing line!
12:26 - This is like Guantanamo Bay.
12:28 - Oh, my God.
12:30 Alex, you can help me with this now.
12:32 - OK, so this is going one pack.
12:34 - What time are we at now?
12:36 - Oh, you've had quite a while now.
12:38 - Oh, my God!
12:42 - Now.
12:48 - I've stopped the clock.
12:50 - Ooh!
12:52 APPLAUSE
12:54 - What's the answer, Anne?
12:56 How do you feel watching that?
12:58 - I was at the stage in the task
13:00 where I knew I was stupid.
13:02 I'm missing something,
13:04 but I couldn't know what it was.
13:06 Yeah. But then I did think I was smart
13:08 by pegging them all back in a lump
13:10 rather than individually.
13:12 - And getting them to do it, yeah.
13:14 - Yeah, of course.
13:16 - Yeah, I had to help because it had taken so long.
13:18 - Sophie, not for the first time,
13:20 you sounded like an Alan Bennett monologue.
13:22 - I'm a person for life, this.
13:24 - Yeah, I've been baffled for a lot.
13:26 It's been horrific, actually.
13:28 - You weren't that baffled in this one, Sophie.
13:30 You stepped back and saw the enormous arrow
13:32 pointing at the show.
13:34 - Was the task in the shape of an arrow?
13:36 LAUGHTER
13:38 APPLAUSE
13:40 - I don't think you should be allowed to run the world.
13:44 LAUGHTER
13:46 - You spotted it after two minutes.
13:48 You pinned them all back up after three minutes 41
13:50 and completed the task.
13:52 - And what was Joanne's time?
13:54 - 20 minutes and 20 seconds.
13:56 - Guess what?
13:58 - Yeah, sorry.
14:00 - Here are some adverts.
14:02 APPLAUSE
14:04 MUSIC
14:06 APPLAUSE
14:08 - Ho!
14:10 Welcome back to part two of our final
14:12 where there are a lot of tasks
14:14 hung up on a watching line to dry.
14:16 - That's right. These guys had to find the real task
14:18 and then do that task.
14:20 OK, we've seen Sophie and Joanne, so it's only fair
14:22 we now see Steve, Nick and John.
14:26 - Each task has a 1% chance,
14:29 but the H of chance is underlined.
14:31 - Some of the letters are underlined, Alex.
14:33 It spells out H-E-D-S.
14:35 What does that mean?
14:37 - A, B, C, D, E...
14:40 - Good.
14:42 - In case that's the thing.
14:44 - Find and complete the written...
14:46 - Oh, is it?
14:48 - Is that an arrow?
14:50 H-E-D-S.
14:54 Shed.
14:56 - Fuck this, I'm going to the shed.
14:58 LAUGHTER
15:00 APPLAUSE
15:02 - OK, hang on. An anagram of H...
15:04 Is that the only ones underlined?
15:06 H-E...
15:08 and D and S.
15:10 Stead?
15:12 - Is that an arrow, Alex?
15:14 - It's an arrow!
15:16 - Shed. - Shed.
15:18 - Going to the shed.
15:20 - This is a real task.
15:24 Peg all the tasks to the washing line.
15:26 - Do it!
15:28 - Ha-ha! Ah, you suckers.
15:30 I didn't take any off, did I?
15:32 I took two off.
15:34 - I've stopped the clock, John.
15:40 - Have I finished?
15:42 - I've stopped the clock.
15:44 - There you go.
15:46 - Is that good? - Yeah.
15:48 APPLAUSE
15:50 - Boris has set the feminist movement back by years, I would say.
15:56 They were quick, deadly, observant, to the point,
16:00 they all had a catchphrase.
16:02 Steve, "Fuck this, I'm going to the shed," for example.
16:05 John's, possibly my favourite,
16:07 "It's a row!"
16:09 LAUGHTER
16:11 And, "Ah, you suckers!"
16:13 LAUGHTER
16:15 I think, out of the three, it's unsurprising the slowest was Nick.
16:18 One minute 50 for you, Nick.
16:20 The others...
16:22 John, one minute 16, Steve, 49.8 seconds!
16:24 APPLAUSE
16:26 All three were very pleased with themselves.
16:29 - Oh, don't, don't, don't, don't!
16:31 - Aw!
16:33 - Sophie? - Yeah? - You're safe.
16:35 - Great. - Oh, hello.
16:37 The rest of you, watch this.
16:39 You have to peg all the tasks to the washing line.
16:42 - Oh!
16:43 - See you later. Do you want me to pick that up?
16:45 - Yes, please.
16:47 - Oh!
16:49 - Thank you.
16:51 - OK. - Oh, lovely.
16:53 - Goodbye, Nick. - See you later.
16:55 LAUGHTER
16:59 - Joanne and Nick, you did not complete the task.
17:08 - I don't think that's going to make a difference to my score.
17:11 - No.
17:12 Which means Nick and Joanne both don't get any points.
17:15 Three points to Sophie, four to John and five to Steve Pemberton!
17:19 APPLAUSE
17:21 - Scoreboard, please. - Yes.
17:23 In the lead with nine, it's Steve Pemberton!
17:25 APPLAUSE
17:27 What's next for this big, fancy final?
17:29 OK, well, this task is all anyone ever wants, really.
17:32 A hug with an old friend.
17:34 MUSIC PLAYS
17:36 MUSIC PLAYS
17:39 MUSIC PLAYS
17:41 LAUGHTER
17:53 LAUGHTER
18:06 LAUGHTER
18:34 LAUGHTER
18:36 APPLAUSE
19:02 - All right.
19:04 I'm going to go J cos that's my...
19:06 Well, all right, that's OK.
19:09 - Let's go Z.
19:11 Biscuit.
19:12 - Are you hungry? - No.
19:14 - Really?
19:15 - Hug, you're spell... Oh, do I have to spell out hug?
19:17 No, I have to spell out your name.
19:19 Is it Alex? - That is my name. - Ah!
19:21 - What have you found? - Your name.
19:23 - You think?
19:25 - A string.
19:27 - There's probably no strategy to this.
19:29 I'd say it's just a kind of like a free-for-all.
19:31 I get that vibe.
19:33 - OK.
19:35 We've got a compass, at least.
19:37 MUSIC PLAYS
19:39 - Oh, no!
19:42 - Oh, no.
19:44 - It's one of these.
19:46 - So I've got to follow this in some direction from here, I would say.
19:50 So I reckon if I go in a circle at the end of this string,
19:53 I'm going to find a special friend.
19:55 Ow!
19:58 I'm in quite a lot of pain, Alex.
20:00 - Would you like a biscuit?
20:02 - Or might some gloves?
20:04 Or just at least an eye on health and safety?
20:06 - Hello? Hello?
20:09 MUSIC PLAYS
20:11 - I think I've done the wrong thing.
20:24 LAUGHTER
20:27 MUSIC PLAYS
20:29 - Ah!
20:33 MUSIC PLAYS
20:37 - Is it?
20:41 LAUGHTER
20:43 MUSIC PLAYS
20:47 MUSIC PLAYS
20:52 - Yeah.
20:54 - Where the fuck is it?
20:56 - Ah!
20:58 MUSIC PLAYS
21:00 MUSIC PLAYS
21:08 - I've done it, Alex!
21:10 - I've stopped the clock, Jon.
21:12 - That was incredibly frustrating.
21:14 - Yeah.
21:16 - Not bad.
21:18 - Thanks, Joanne.
21:20 - No worries. Thank you.
21:22 - Have you ever seen a walkie-talkie before?
21:24 - LAUGHTER
21:26 - Because you looked at it with such childlike wonderment.
21:28 - Was there something earlier in the series that I thought
21:30 was a walkie-talkie but was a barbecue lighter?
21:32 - A barbecue lighter.
21:34 - I'm not in the army, OK?
21:36 - I should have told you. She's not in the army.
21:38 - Why didn't you tell me she's not in the army?
21:40 - I'm sorry.
21:42 - Jon takes this very seriously, this show.
21:44 He is a taskmaster nerd.
21:46 And I enjoyed it, you can't agree.
21:48 - LAUGHTER
21:50 - It was 38 degrees when we filmed that.
21:52 And Alex kept asking me if I wanted a biscuit
21:54 when I found biscuits under the letters.
21:56 - I couldn't believe you didn't want a biscuit.
21:58 - I didn't want a biscuit, Alex!
22:00 - Jon's got no time for whimsy.
22:02 He wants to complete the task quickly
22:04 and get the delicious points.
22:06 - Yes!
22:08 - Who's next?
22:10 - Next up, all the way from Fleetwood Mac,
22:12 it's Stephen Nix's attempts.
22:14 - Stephen Nix.
22:16 - Who's my special friend?
22:18 - Is it one of the horses?
22:20 - I don't know what you do in your own time.
22:22 - Right, well, I would love to spell out the phrase
22:24 "hug your special friend",
22:26 but scanning the letters, I'm not seeing the letter Y.
22:28 I'm going to just start with an H.
22:32 Is this a time thing?
22:34 - Fastest wins.
22:36 - Fastest wins, OK.
22:38 - And one minute per letter turned over.
22:40 - Per... One minute...
22:42 - Per letter turned over. - Yes.
22:44 - Oh!
22:46 - OK.
22:48 - Oh!
22:54 - Fastest wins, then.
23:02 - Yeah, right, I was aware, yeah.
23:04 - Mm-hm.
23:06 - Mm.
23:08 - Mm.
23:10 - Oh.
23:12 - Mm.
23:14 - Oh.
23:16 - Oh, some will.
23:24 - All right.
23:26 - Every time we turn a place, you must turn it over
23:28 and one minute will be added to your time.
23:30 - Yeah, you've spent 48 minutes so far.
23:32 - Oh, and fastest wins.
23:34 - Right.
23:36 - Mannequin.
23:42 - The mannequin is my special friend.
23:44 - Er...
23:46 - The north is that way.
23:48 - Yeah, if north's that way, which way do you reckon west is?
23:50 - This way. - That's west.
23:52 - I don't want to expend unnecessary energy.
23:54 - Mm.
23:56 - Hello, over.
24:00 - Maybe... Is this a clue, is this an arrow,
24:02 the mannequin that's pointing up this way?
24:04 - Oh!
24:06 - There's something colourful.
24:08 - Oh! - Aha.
24:10 - Oh!
24:12 - Oh, you look like one of my characters from League Of Gentle...
24:18 Oh, fucking hell!
24:20 - Oh, fuck!
24:22 - Oh, you're terrifying.
24:26 - Oh, that wasn't too bad. - No?
24:28 - Yeah. I think I did middling on that.
24:30 - Mm.
24:32 - Well, you turned over 45 letters.
24:34 - Mm.
24:36 APPLAUSE
24:38 - You see, this is the difference between Jon and Nick.
24:40 - Yeah.
24:42 - When you see a whimsical biscuit's been left under...
24:44 - I see.
24:46 - You think, "I'm prioritising this biscuit."
24:48 - I think it was the biscuit that made me forget
24:50 that you weren't meant to turn over many letters,
24:52 cos as soon as I had that biscuit,
24:54 I just started turning over as many as I could find.
24:56 - Yeah. The other difference is that Nick obviously did very badly.
24:58 Very pleased with himself.
25:00 - Yeah.
25:02 - I think that went quite well. Steve, how do you feel?
25:04 - Er, annoyed I didn't eat the biscuit.
25:06 - Yeah.
25:08 - Erm, I was looking forward to finding a lovely word thing
25:11 in the labyrinth of words.
25:13 Totally forgot the fact that each one was a minute.
25:15 - Yeah, and then the greeting was...
25:17 I mean, borderline orgasmic.
25:19 - Ha-ha-ha!
25:21 - Had you forgotten there was someone inside your mannequin?
25:23 - I'd totally forgotten, cos it was weeks and weeks earlier.
25:26 So I screamed, didn't I?
25:28 - It was hilarious. - Yeah.
25:30 - Yes. Good.
25:32 Now, I'm not one to make judgments,
25:34 and I'm always fast to apologise when I do,
25:36 but I predict Sophie's going to be shit at this.
25:39 OK. Time for another ad break.
25:41 See you in a bit.
25:43 APPLAUSE
25:45 MUSIC
25:47 APPLAUSE
25:52 - Wow!
25:56 You join us for the third quarter of our final
25:58 and the completion of a task all about tracking down old friends.
26:02 - Yes, old friends that they made for themselves.
26:04 Quite sad, really.
26:05 They've all managed to find and hug them so far,
26:07 but there is still one person left to go.
26:11 Will and Sophie be reunited with their old friend?
26:14 Let's find out right now.
26:16 - Right, OK.
26:17 Every time you touch a letter, you must turn it over.
26:21 And one minute will be added to your time.
26:23 But I don't want to touch a letter, then. Fastest wins.
26:26 Is it a tree-hugging exercise? Is it...
26:29 that sort of thing?
26:32 The problem is you've got crew hiding in bushes, haven't you?
26:35 It's quite daunting.
26:37 Hello?
26:39 Hello?
26:42 Hello?
26:44 I might aim for that tree over there.
26:46 - Yeah, OK. - And I don't want to faff about with these, do I?
26:49 - No. - Hello?
26:51 Who's there?
26:53 Oh!
26:55 Oh, it's Steve-O!
26:57 I thought he was going to be an old school friend or something.
27:00 - It's your old friend, Wolfie. - Wolfie!
27:02 - I've stopped the clock. - Is that it?
27:05 I formally apologise.
27:12 - Thank you. - Incredible.
27:14 I mean, 100% accidental?
27:17 Well, I thought you would have a friend of mine
27:19 from Manchester hid in a bush.
27:21 - I thought, "Amy again!" - We've thought about it several times, yeah.
27:24 This show isn't about reuniting people with Amy.
27:27 She has kept saying, "Will a friend drop out?"
27:30 - There's Amy. Always Amy. - Yeah.
27:32 I don't know why I just thought Amy would be someone you'd approach.
27:35 - Have you not seen Amy for a while? - I've not.
27:38 She managed to find it in 4 minutes 44 seconds.
27:42 - Ooh! - No punishment, no extra minutes.
27:46 - Do you want to hear the points? - Yeah.
27:48 Well, Sophie found it quickest in 4 minutes 44.
27:51 - Ooh! Five sweet points. - Exactly, yeah.
27:55 - Joanne, 11 minutes 20 with your punishments. - Four sweet points.
27:59 John, you turned over ten, which means you had a total of 21 minutes 20.
28:03 - Ooh, the three sweet points! - Yeah.
28:06 And then the guys who turned over 45 cards.
28:10 Steve, your total time was 52 minutes 37.
28:14 Nick, 56 minutes 25. Two points to Steve, one point to Nick Mohammed.
28:18 - APPLAUSE - Just under an hour.
28:22 - Wow, this is my worst round yet. - Good. OK, what's next?
28:25 Well, the bad news is it's the final task.
28:28 - Oh, dear. - But the good news is, Greg,
28:30 you've just become a TV commissioner, at last!
28:46 - Hello, Sophie. - Hello!
28:48 - Hello, Nick, hello, Steve. - Hello.
28:50 - I keep forgetting that you're here. - Pardon?
28:52 Sorry, nothing.
28:54 OK, good luck.
28:56 Alex will be the contestant.
29:02 One of you must be his rival and somebody must win.
29:04 You have a maximum of 30 minutes. Your time starts now.
29:15 What about if you had to go through the stool of your opposite contestant
29:18 to guess what they had for dinner the last night?
29:22 OK.
29:24 - Can you play the keyboard? - No, but I can do...
29:27 I'm wondering if Greg wants to see something quite violent.
29:34 Yeah.
29:36 So our opening thing is, it goes...
29:40 HE HUMS
29:44 Oh, no.
29:46 - What about if it's... - Shorter.
29:50 LAUGHTER
29:52 You've not really run with my stool.
29:56 No, I haven't even written it down.
29:58 Guess the age to win the wage.
30:00 Take to the stage.
30:02 Oh, yes!
30:04 - Take to the stage. - Oh, I love it!
30:07 Oh, that's great.
30:09 Feel the rage,
30:11 the lage, mage, cage.
30:13 The wage, page, page.
30:15 Right, what about something like ESP or something like...
30:19 It's just people who, like, you know, might sit in front of, like,
30:22 one of those things that just drop lots of ping-pong balls
30:24 and they have to try and get it into a certain shape using their mind.
30:27 Right. It's either that or coming on with your stool.
30:30 I keep coming back to this, but I think Greg would love that.
30:33 I just want to make sure I've 100% heard correctly.
30:41 Steve's suggestion is of a game show where
30:44 contestants root through each other's shit.
30:47 Nick didn't want to do it.
30:49 - I mean, he... - No way. Did he not?
30:52 He kept pushing for it.
30:54 So I'm presuming he won. I don't know.
30:57 Oh, yeah, we did it, yeah.
30:59 This team seemed a bit more democratic.
31:04 I think I got a bit hung up on the theme tune, didn't I?
31:08 I hope you've included some of those great rhymes like
31:11 "lage", "mage" and "fage".
31:13 - All right, shall we do it? - Let's do it.
31:16 It's the game show you most want to commission.
31:18 First up, we know there'll be a keyboard involved.
31:20 It's the team of three.
31:22 # Stick to the stage, against the edge, the wind I'll wedge... #
31:27 Hey, everyone, I'm Chad Whopper,
31:32 and tonight we're asking the question,
31:34 how close to death are you?
31:37 Contestant number one, what's your name?
31:40 My name is Lucia De Lacy,
31:42 and I'm 25, all the way from Bubble and Dublin.
31:44 - # Bubbling, Dublin. # - A round of applause.
31:48 Contestant number two, what's your name?
31:51 My name's Alex Horne, I'm 25 as well,
31:54 and I'm also from Dublin.
31:56 Our guest this evening is sitting right here.
31:59 What's your name, Adam?
32:01 My name is Champagne Bonanza.
32:03 Champagne Bonanza!
32:06 Each of our contestants has two questions.
32:09 Champagne can only provide yes or no answers.
32:13 You may not ask Champagne her age.
32:16 If you want to win, her wage.
32:19 # Stick to the stage, against the edge, the wind I'll wedge... #
32:23 But as always, our contestants must lower the goggles
32:28 as the mind boggles.
32:30 - Boggles! - Very good.
32:32 Lucia, what's your first question to Champagne?
32:35 Champagne, would you remove your teeth from me, please?
32:38 - No. - No.
32:40 Alex, did you enjoy the music of Lil Wayne or Lil Nas
32:45 - or that sort of thing? - Oh, yeah.
32:47 That's a yeah!
32:49 It's time for the final question, Cosmic Rhythm.
32:52 Could we have some tense music?
32:54 Champagne, hello again.
32:58 Would you describe yourself as Gen... F?
33:02 - No. - No.
33:04 Would you still be in the market for a tampon?
33:08 Yes.
33:12 OK, folks, you've guessed how old.
33:15 Are you hot or cold?
33:18 You guessed how old? Are you hot or cold?
33:22 Lucia, what's your age?
33:25 My guess is that Champagne is a fizzy 29.
33:28 A fizzy 29.
33:31 - Alex Horne. - I think Champagne is a sparkly 25.
33:36 A sparkly 25.
33:38 Drumroll, please.
33:40 Champagne Bonanza, can you please reveal your age?
33:45 - I'm 39. - 39!
33:48 We have a winner!
33:50 Lucia de Lacey, you walk away with Champagne's wage.
33:54 Thank you.
33:57 Guess the age to win the wage, guess the age.
34:01 Guess the age to win the wage, guess the age.
34:05 - How long did they have to do that, half an hour? - Years.
34:11 - I mean, bloody hell, it's good. - Isn't it?
34:13 - It's like an actual show. - Yeah.
34:15 We think it's a very shiny floor, but I actually think it would be
34:18 quite a good game show, guessing people's age.
34:20 Yeah, well, I mean, the suggestion of the game show is you're guessing
34:23 how long they've got left to live.
34:25 It was all quite light until you went hard in on,
34:28 - "Are you still having periods?" - Yeah.
34:30 - It's a very telling answer. - It is.
34:34 "What's going on here?"
34:36 - Ambience. - You're talking...
34:38 - And information. - I sense it's an American game show.
34:42 It's very shiny floor, and then there's some northern version
34:46 of the Pet Shop Boys in the corner.
34:49 Right, time for our last ad break of the series.
34:52 Soon, someone will go home with absolutely nothing,
34:55 courtesy of Steve Pemberton.
34:57 We'll find out if Nick's prediction was correct,
34:59 and of course, we will crown our new series champion.
35:02 We'll see you soon.
35:04 Hello. Here we are, then.
35:17 It's the final part of our final.
35:19 Ooh, finally.
35:21 And the final task sees Head of Light Entertainment Greg Davies
35:25 trying to pick between two short-form American game show pitches.
35:28 Hey, guys, remember when Steve kept pushing for the stool idea
35:31 over and over and over and over again,
35:33 and Nick was having none of it? Well, here we go.
35:36 Welcome back to Who Do You Think You Are?
35:40 I'm joined here with Steve and Alex.
35:42 It is time, guys, to trade turds.
35:50 Oh, it's an abyss just in the box.
35:52 And you have 30 seconds to go through your poos
35:59 before we get the scoop on the poop.
36:02 Now. 30 seconds.
36:09 Got chopsticks there.
36:11 You don't have to eat it.
36:14 -Don't have to. -Don't have to.
36:18 Hey, this guy got an unfair advantage,
36:20 being that he's a chef and all.
36:22 Well, I don't make the rules, I'm just the host.
36:24 And that is time up. Alex, poo down. Steve, poo down.
36:27 OK, so we're going to go Alex first.
36:29 You've got to guess an ingredient. Starting now.
36:31 Grape.
36:33 Correct.
36:35 -Coffee. -Correct.
36:37 -Maltesers. -Correct.
36:41 -Lychee fruits.
36:45 -Banana. -Correct.
36:48 -Caramel ice cream.
36:51 -I'll give you honey.
36:54 -Chocolate sauce. -No.
36:58 -Want to give me honey? -I'll give you honey.
37:01 OK, I think that is your time up on that.
37:04 We have a winner and his name is Alex.
37:08 So, Alex, before you get too excited,
37:10 we're going to get Gabby over here,
37:12 and she's going to present the celebrity poop.
37:15 Gabby, do you want to come on and bring the celebrity poop?
37:18 Thank you very much, Gabby. Just pop that down there.
37:21 OK, so, Alex, your chance to win this delicious celebrity poop.
37:27 Three guesses to guess whose poop this is.
37:29 My first guess is Gwen Stefani.
37:31 -No. -No?
37:33 But I get it, I get the reference. I love it.
37:36 Hints of many, many children.
37:38 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
37:40 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
37:42 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
37:44 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
37:46 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
37:48 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
37:50 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
37:52 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
37:54 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
37:56 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
37:58 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:00 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:02 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:04 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:06 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:08 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:10 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:12 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:14 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:16 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:18 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:20 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:22 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:24 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:26 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:28 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:30 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:32 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:34 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:36 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:38 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:40 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:42 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:44 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:46 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:48 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:50 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:52 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:54 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:56 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
38:58 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:00 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:02 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:04 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:06 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:08 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:10 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:12 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:14 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:16 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:18 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:20 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:22 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:24 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:26 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:28 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:30 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:32 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:34 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:36 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:38 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:40 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:42 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:44 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:46 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:48 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:50 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:52 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:54 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:56 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
39:58 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:00 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:02 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:04 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:06 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:08 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:10 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:12 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:14 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:16 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:18 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:20 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:22 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:24 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:26 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:28 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:30 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:32 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:34 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:36 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:38 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:40 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:42 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:44 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:46 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:48 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:50 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:52 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:54 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:56 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
40:58 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:00 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:02 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:04 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:06 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:08 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:10 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:12 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:14 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:16 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:18 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:20 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:22 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:24 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:26 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:28 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:30 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:32 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:34 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:36 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:38 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:40 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:42 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:44 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:46 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:48 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:50 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:52 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:54 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:56 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
41:58 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:00 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:02 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:04 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:06 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:08 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:10 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:12 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:14 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:16 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:18 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:20 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:22 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:24 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:26 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:28 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:30 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:32 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:34 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:36 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:38 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:40 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:42 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:44 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:46 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:48 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:50 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:52 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:54 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:56 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
42:58 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:00 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:02 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:04 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:06 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:08 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:10 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:12 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:14 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:16 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:18 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:20 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:22 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:24 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:26 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:28 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:30 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:32 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:34 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:36 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:38 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:40 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:42 -A ghostly presence? -Exactly.
43:44 -Oui. -Oui.
43:46 -Oui.
43:48 -Voyons voir si Nick vous a joué.
43:50 Nick Mohamed?
43:52 -Oui! -Vous avez gagné,
43:54 Mr Nick Mohamed!
43:56 -Oui!
43:58 -Vous pouvez me rejoindre,
44:00 je vous donne vos scores finaux.
44:02 -Oui!
44:04 -Oui!
44:06 -Oui!
44:08 -Vous avez été bon à ça.
44:10 -Bien. Merci.
44:12 -Bien sûr, vous avez gué Joanne et Steve immédiatement,
44:14 donc ils sont joint 4e et ils ont eu le chance de gagner 2 points chacun.
44:18 Sophie et John, joint 2e, 4 points chacun.
44:20 -Génial.
44:22 -Je pense que Nick Mohamed a gagné les 4-5 points.
44:24 -Oui!
44:26 -Encore le bouton de la série.
44:28 -Oh, oui.
44:30 -Avec 11 points.
44:32 Sophie n'a jamais gagné une série.
44:34 Elle est sur 21. Elle a gagné la série!
44:36 -Oui!
44:38 -Sophie est la gagnante de la série!
44:40 -Oui!
44:42 -Vous pouvez vous lever et tenir votre espace pour l'humanité!
44:44 -Oui!
44:46 -Oui!
44:48 -Le bouton de la série!
44:50 -Oh!
44:52 -Je suis tellement contente!
44:54 -Je suis tellement contente!
44:56 -Oui!
44:58 -Oui!
45:00 -Oui!
45:02 -Oui!
45:04 -Bienvenue!
45:06 Bienvenue à la cérémonie des championnes de la série.
45:08 Quelle réussite pour les unes.
45:10 Et quel dégât pour les autres.
45:12 Alex Horne,
45:14 révèlez-nous vos points.
45:16 -En dernier,
45:18 et il y a un moment.
45:20 C'est un homme
45:22 qui a écrit quelque chose
45:24 dans un enveloppe.
45:26 C'est toi, Nick.
45:28 -OK.
45:30 -Mais tu peux gagner 300 pouces.
45:32 -C'est pour ça que je suis là.
45:34 -Pourrais-tu leur montrer le scellé?
45:36 -En dernier,
45:38 c'est Nick Mohamed avec 131 points.
45:40 -Est-ce que c'est vrai?
45:42 -Il y a un autre enveloppe.
45:44 -Ah.
45:46 -Oh!
45:48 (Rires)
45:50 -Oui!
45:52 -Oui!
45:54 -131!
45:56 (Applaudissements)
45:58 (Applaudissements)
46:00 -Bien joué, Nick.
46:02 300 gros points
46:04 pour toi.
46:06 (Rires)
46:08 -On va monter la table
46:10 avec 13 points.
46:12 Avec 144,
46:14 elle a gagné cette épisode.
46:16 C'est Sophie Willan!
46:18 (Applaudissements)
46:20 En troisième place,
46:22 avec 153 points,
46:24 il a gagné
46:26 avec un énorme respect.
46:28 C'est Steve Pemberton!
46:30 (Applaudissements)
46:32 -Et la championne du test,
46:34 mesdames et messieurs,
46:36 l'owner de ce magnifique trophée
46:38 est...
46:40 John Robin!
46:42 (Applaudissements)
46:44 (...)
46:46 -Félicitations, John.
46:48 (Applaudissements)
46:50 (Musique)
46:52 (Applaudissements)
46:54 (Musique)
46:56 (Applaudissements)
46:58 (Musique)
47:00 (...)
47:02 (...)
47:04 (...)
47:06 (...)
47:08 (...)
47:10 (...)
47:12 (...)
47:14 (Applaudissements)
47:16 (...)
47:18 (...)
47:20 (...)