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PeopleTranscript
00:00That's a shocking start.
00:04Tom!
00:12Yep, that's it.
00:14Where's Tom?
00:22No!
00:24I hate you.
00:28Let me out of here!
00:30Hello and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:41It's another week and yet again they have succeeded
00:44in shaving my body down, lathering it in oil
00:47and slipping me into my Tom Gleeson skin suit.
00:50I am, of course, Carl Sandilands.
00:53And welcome to Taskmaster.
00:55And competing for this trophy of my golden noggin,
01:01five people who are definitely not Carl Sandilands.
01:05They are Dave Hughes,
01:08Emma Holland,
01:10Lisa McHugh,
01:12Takashi Wakasugi,
01:14and Tommy Little.
01:16Hello.
01:18And sitting next to me, a man who, when he uses a urinal,
01:21he has the trousers and undies down around his ankles.
01:24It's Tom Cashman.
01:26All right, slap as a prize task on the grill, please, lather Tom.
01:32Of course, our first task is a prize task.
01:34Each of our contestants have brought in a prize
01:36and the winner of tonight's episode will take home all five prizes.
01:39Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in
01:41what they consider to be the most disappointing purchase.
01:45Ooh, okay.
01:46Disappoint me, Wakka.
01:48I bought a grinder pepper.
01:51Ooh.
01:52Ooh.
01:54So, because you never finish the pepper inside.
01:58Because all the grinder parts are broken.
02:01Wakka, no question on technique, though.
02:03Some people grind from here,
02:04but some people like to get a bit of height and grind from here.
02:07Why are you so horny all the time?
02:13I'm talking with pepper.
02:17Isn't it good to see the comedy of Tommy Little back again?
02:22All right, Emma, what did you bring in?
02:24Well, it's probably easier if I just show you.
02:27Okay.
02:31So, this is a taxidermied rat with a vacuum cleaner.
02:35I thought it was going to be alive.
02:37So, you were disappointed because you thought it was actually going to just start to clean your house.
02:43Yeah.
02:45The vacuum's so small, it would have to empty it so often.
02:48Well, that's not my problem and that's not what I'm paying him for.
02:52All right, Dave, what did you bring in?
02:54I brought in a purchase that my wife purchased.
02:58It wasn't my purchase.
02:59It is anti-dandra shampoo.
03:01I don't use it often enough and she's really disappointed by that.
03:05I'm happy with this shirt tonight because the other night I was wearing a really dark shirt and,
03:09yeah, our wardrobe really had to work extra hard in the ad breaks to, yeah.
03:15Yeah.
03:16You wouldn't have needed a little rat with a vacuum cleaner to clean it all up.
03:18Lisa, what has disappointed you?
03:24I purchased a churros maker.
03:27And, look, I did use it once and they just came out a little soggy and a bit kind of flaccid.
03:33So, they...
03:35Just calm down, Tommy.
03:37Sorry, sorry.
03:38You can let some through to the keeper, mate.
03:40That was such a good one!
03:42Um...
03:43Well, they look tasty.
03:44I think it's a good...
03:45Well, they are.
03:46I think you just have to put a lot more oil in and really get the fat going on them to make them nice and stiff.
03:49Ha ha!
03:55Nobody wants a floppy one.
04:01Penis.
04:02Sorry, I've just been calmly waiting for an edit point.
04:11Tommy!
04:12What do you bring in?
04:13When I was learning to fly planes, you had to buy the study stuff and it was all quite expensive.
04:19And one of the items in it was an EB-6 flight computer that calculates wind.
04:23And I'm like, this is going to be unbelievable.
04:26I can't wait to get this new computer.
04:27This is what it is.
04:28It's just a spinny wheel, Tom.
04:33Looks pretty cool to me.
04:34It probably works.
04:35But it was $1,500 with the books.
04:39I thought the computer was the big ticket item of the $1,500.
04:43And it's just a spinny wheel.
04:44But that is an actual computer.
04:46What do you mean?
04:47A computer is just something that computes.
04:49I know you think you're being smart now, but if you were...
04:51No, no, no.
04:52I don't think it.
04:53I know it.
04:55If you were...
04:56There's one person clapping.
04:57Being smart is not popular and I don't give a shit.
05:01I'd rather be smart.
05:02I'd rather be unpopular and not thick like you, Tommy.
05:05Are you...?
05:06I know how to fly a plane, Tom.
05:12Alright, well, I've got to score this.
05:14Yeah.
05:15The least disappointing for me was Tommy because he was disappointed by a computer,
05:18which was clearly a computer.
05:20So one point to Tommy.
05:21Two points to Dave.
05:22OK.
05:23You yourself said it's more disappointing for your wife.
05:25I'm going to say Emma's taxidermy rat.
05:27You must have been so excited.
05:29Then, unfortunately, it was dead, so it didn't actually vacuum anything.
05:32Then I'm going to give Lisa four points for the electric churros maker because it's...
05:35Yeah, it does sound like it created some very disappointing churros that look like cocks.
05:40LAUGHTER
05:41I didn't say that, but thank you.
05:43LAUGHTER
05:44But I'm going to give five points to Waka because of his disappointing pepper shaker
05:48because he can never get all the peppercorns out.
05:50APPLAUSE
05:51OK, another disappointment.
05:55I now give you the appointment of doling up a proper task, Lisa Tom.
05:59Very well.
06:00We're back to the warehouse for a photo shoot with hundreds of people.
06:03MUSIC
06:19Hey, Tom Tom.
06:20God, this is spectacular, isn't it?
06:22Magnificent location.
06:24This is a cool place.
06:26I like it.
06:27It's a weird spot to have a hat.
06:34Take up to 100 photos of yourself somewhere in this warehouse
06:38and wear this red hat in one of them.
06:40You must take all your photos from the same spot.
06:42Your photos will be edited together into one photo.
06:46Photo that makes the Taskmaster take longest to find red-hatted you wins.
06:51You have 20 minutes.
06:52Your time starts now.
06:55How can I hide red-hatted me?
06:57It's rather bright.
06:58The best bet would probably be to have other red stuff in it.
07:01So, essentially, I just have to find whichever of them has a red hat on in the photo.
07:09That's it?
07:10That's right.
07:11So it's like Wes Wally.
07:12Well, generic red-stripey, hidey glasses man.
07:14Why are you not saying it?
07:15Because of laws.
07:17What are you frightened of?
07:20Red tape?
07:21Red tape, then white tape, then red tape, then white tape.
07:24All right, well, I'm going to need to see the screen for this one.
07:32So through the magic of television and your puny muscles, Lisa Tom, move me into position.
07:39Okay, Dave Hughes is up first.
07:40I've got my timer ready.
07:41Are you ready?
07:42Happy to play.
07:43All right.
07:44Ready.
07:45Go.
07:46All right.
07:47It's very menacing, by the way, I should say.
07:49Straight up.
07:50Okay.
07:51Can you just zoom into the centre?
07:54Keep going.
07:55Yep.
07:56Zooming.
08:00You didn't say stop zooming.
08:01That's enough.
08:02Stop.
08:03Stop zooming.
08:04Thanks.
08:05Think we need to go to the right?
08:07Maybe zoom out first.
08:11Stop zooming.
08:12To the right.
08:13It is confronting.
08:14Right.
08:15Stop.
08:16Zoom in.
08:17I think I can see him.
08:18Found it.
08:19Right there in the centre.
08:20Little head poking out.
08:21Yeah, that's correct.
08:26Respectable time.
08:27One minute and 12 seconds to find the Dave Hughes wearing the red hat.
08:31Yeah.
08:32Is this a bad time to say I'm colour blind?
08:34All right.
08:35Let's keep playing.
08:36All right.
08:37Emma Holland is up next.
08:38You ready?
08:39Yep.
08:40Oh, God.
08:41There's red everywhere.
08:42Okay.
08:43I've got to see.
08:44Have a look here.
08:45If I was Emma, where would I put it?
08:46I'd put it far away from the camera.
08:47So I'm going to go.
08:48Can you just zoom into the top left corner?
08:51Because I'm thinking that's what you'd do.
08:52Keep going.
08:53Zoom in further there.
08:54Top left.
08:55Oh, stop.
08:56Oh.
08:57Looks like it's...
08:58Just go up a bit.
08:59Okay.
09:00What am I looking at now?
09:02Oh, yeah.
09:03I can see it.
09:04Oh, where is it?
09:05The bottom of that ladder.
09:06Just right in the centre.
09:07That is correct.
09:08Not on her head.
09:11Does that matter?
09:12Did you specify that it had to be on the head?
09:14You have to be wearing the hat.
09:15It's up to you whether that counts as wearing, I guess.
09:17I guess...
09:18It's not a traditional wear.
09:19That's wear.
09:20You've just got to wear it somewhere on your person.
09:21Do you?
09:22You could disqualify her straight away.
09:23You found red-hatted Emma in one minute and nine seconds.
09:29Not bad.
09:30Can I just say, you have no idea what it feels like playing this game with a room full of
09:36nerds behind you.
09:37Yeah.
09:38Who is so desperate to yell out the answer.
09:42You know, it's like I'm sitting in front of Reddit.
09:46You know what I mean?
09:48And I don't like it.
09:50Alright, time for some advertisements.
09:52We'll see you soon and I'll be looking for more red hats.
09:55Welcome back to Taskmaster where someone in our crew has taken a hundred photos of our contestants
10:14and then put them all together in a collage.
10:17What a sicko.
10:18That's right.
10:19Our contestants have taken up to a hundred photos, we've put them all together and only
10:23one of them is wearing a red hat and you've got to find the red hat as quickly as possible.
10:27Next up, you have Lisa McKeown.
10:28Okay.
10:29Ready, set, go.
10:31Okay.
10:32Oh, God.
10:33Oh, there are hats everywhere.
10:35I can see all of them.
10:36Found it.
10:37In the foreground, she's wearing it there.
10:39At the front to the right.
10:40That's wearing it, isn't it?
10:41She's holding it on her head.
10:42Yeah, found it.
10:43Okay.
10:44Is that it?
10:46Are you wearing it?
10:48I can't remember.
10:49I did it so many times.
10:51So Lisa's approach here was that she, in her view, wasn't technically wearing them except
10:56in one.
10:57Oh.
10:58But I think the precedent that we set with Emma has made the Taskmaster be, I suppose,
11:01more liberal with what constitutes a wear.
11:03Oh, no.
11:04Well, if Emma was wearing it on her front, then Lisa was wearing it several times in this particular
11:09picture.
11:10I found it as soon as the photo came up.
11:11Oh, my God.
11:12Oh, wow.
11:13Oh, wow.
11:14Up next, we have Tommy Little's photo.
11:17Ready, set, go.
11:18All right.
11:19Where is he?
11:20Where's that little hat?
11:21He's hiding it.
11:22Go to the back of the picture, please.
11:24Right in the centre.
11:25Zoom in.
11:26Zoom in.
11:27He'll be right at the back there somewhere, alright?
11:29Yeah.
11:30Shut up, Hughes.
11:31Ooh.
11:33All right.
11:34Zoom back out again, please.
11:35Stop.
11:36Okay.
11:37Just to the right.
11:38This is like a very low-stakes version of CSI, isn't it?
11:43I reckon there's a lot of middle-aged women who have had this dream.
11:50I feel like it's not that different to what prison would look like, to be honest.
11:53I was going to say, it looks like prison.
11:56Okay, let's just zoom out a bit, please.
11:58Zoom out.
12:00Okay, go left.
12:01Because I'm also thinking there's a big blank space to the left.
12:04There it is.
12:05Found it.
12:06It's on top of that rib box.
12:07Yes.
12:08That's correct.
12:10It's an effective method.
12:11Yes.
12:12There's a whole wall of Tommies.
12:13I should have noticed the absence of Tommies on the left.
12:15Yes.
12:16So the distraction worked.
12:18You took one minute and 56 seconds.
12:20Okay.
12:23Well done, Tommy.
12:24All right.
12:25Waka is our final contestant.
12:26Ready, set, go.
12:29All right.
12:30Ooh.
12:31Lots of red there, lots of red there.
12:32I'm looking around.
12:33Waka has instituted the bin method.
12:35Yeah.
12:36As a distraction.
12:37It's very good.
12:38Found him.
12:39Wow.
12:40Third bin from the left at the back.
12:41Wow.
12:42That is correct.
12:46Good technique though.
12:47Okay.
12:48So what time did Waka get?
12:49You found it really quickly.
12:50It only took you 15 seconds.
12:54Waka, did you have to get out of the bin and then they move the bin and then you get in?
12:57Or could they wheel it with you in it?
12:58I wheeled them around a hundred times.
13:00Did you?
13:03That was so stinky.
13:05Yeah.
13:06That was very stinky.
13:08Just to recap the times.
13:09We had Lisa with 10 seconds.
13:11Waka only 15 seconds.
13:12Emma you found in one minute and nine seconds.
13:14Dave one minute and 12 seconds.
13:16And Tommy it took you one minute and 56 seconds.
13:18Which means Lisa gets one point.
13:20Waka gets two.
13:21Emma gets three.
13:22Dave gets four.
13:23But Tommy wins the task with five points.
13:25Okay.
13:26Another task please, Lisa Tom.
13:29Okay.
13:30Some tasks they feature half a punch.
13:32Sometimes they have three quarters of a punch.
13:34This one has a hole punch.
13:35This one has a hole punch.
13:49Hi Tom.
13:50Hi Tom Tom.
13:51Hello Thomas.
13:52Does anyone call you Thomas?
13:53Not really.
13:54Hello Thomas.
13:58I'm still here if that's okay.
13:59What is this?
14:00It's a hole punch.
14:01Oh.
14:02I'm sorry about that.
14:03Careful of that sphere.
14:05I think it's magnifying light in such a way that it's potentially going to burn one of the pages.
14:10Oi it's real hot.
14:11Yeah don't do that yeah.
14:14Punch the most holes in this document.
14:18From the furthest distance.
14:20Your attempt is complete when at least one hole has been punched.
14:23Most holes punched plus metres from the document when punched wins.
14:28You have 15 minutes.
14:30Your time starts now.
14:33So Tommy when someone tells you you shouldn't touch something because it's hot maybe just don't touch it.
14:41But what is it?
14:43What if no one else has touched it before and I'm the first to touch it?
14:47And then I get to tell everybody how good touching it was.
14:49So straightforward stuff pretty much.
14:52So you've just got to punch a hole through as many pages as possible.
14:55That's right.
14:56From as far away as possible.
14:57Yeah.
14:58Metres plus holes punched.
14:59Okay.
15:00That's the final score.
15:01Who's punching away first?
15:02Let's hope there are holes in their documents but not in their plans.
15:04It's Emma and Tommy.
15:06Oi.
15:07Come back.
15:08What the f*** Tom?
15:09I went to Cubs.
15:10I never went to Scouts.
15:11And I was the only person to not get one bag.
15:13Not one.
15:14You didn't do Scouts or anything?
15:15No.
15:16I did horse riding.
15:17Every girl I know got kicked by a horse at some point.
15:19I never got kicked by a horse.
15:20And they all deserved it.
15:21Can you come and stand on it?
15:22Okay.
15:23Each time I pull, can you go?
15:24Oh, sorry.
15:25I focused on the not the standing.
15:26Oh.
15:27The only other thing I can think is to tip the tyre down the hill.
15:30Okay.
15:31And that would be miraculous.
15:32Is there a hole in it?
15:33No.
15:34Oh, no.
15:3590 seconds left.
15:36Quick.
15:37Quick.
15:38Give me the document down here.
15:39F***.
15:40You didn't do Scouts or anything?
15:41You didn't do Scouts or anything?
15:42No.
15:43I did horse riding.
15:44Every girl I know got kicked by a horse at some point.
15:45I never got kicked by a horse.
15:46And they all deserved it.
15:47Can you come and stand on it?
15:48Come down here.
15:49F*** hell.
15:50This is drilling!
15:51Hole?
15:52No hole.
15:53No hole.
15:54Okay.
15:55Come on.
15:57Come on.
15:5840 seconds.
15:59Can you hold this?
16:00Okay.
16:06Tom.
16:07You didn't warn me.
16:0925 seconds.
16:10Okay.
16:11One, two, three.
16:18Oh my gosh.
16:19Like a warm bowlers do when they walk it in.
16:21When they walk it in!
16:22When they walk it in!
16:27When they walk it in!
16:29Whoa!
16:34There's a hole?
16:35There's a hole.
16:36Awesome.
16:37Thanks for checking out my hole.
16:39I've got to go.
16:40I've got to go.
16:41I've got to go.
16:42I've got to go.
16:43I've got to go!
16:44I've got to go!
16:45I've got to go!
16:46I've got to go!
16:47Tommy, it would have been great if it worked.
16:48I know!
16:49It was thrilling to watch!
16:50Mate, what a ride!
16:51That was you.
16:52We were all on board there.
16:53Even me.
16:54I wanted you to be successful.
16:55I don't know what's worse, when you lie to yourself or you lie to me.
16:58Okay, so Emma, wool to hold down the hole punch?
17:03I spent so long trying to find tape and I couldn't find it anywhere and so wool was my next best.
17:08But even tape, I mean that's up the craft end of the spectrum, not the DIY end of the spectrum, I feel.
17:13Yeah, have you met me?
17:14Yeah, I have.
17:15Tom, I'm a crafty lady.
17:18Okay, and you also said, thanks for checking out my hole.
17:21Are you dabbling in the comedy of Tommy Little?
17:24I don't get it.
17:26I don't, I don't get it.
17:27Oh, it's...
17:28Paul has a...
17:29Can you explain it to me please?
17:30Paul can refer to your vagina.
17:33What's a hole punch then?
17:42Wow.
17:43Hang on.
17:44Sorry.
17:45Hey everyone, it's okay.
17:46Tommy's picked up the ball and he's running with it.
17:49Are we riffing at the moment?
17:51Are we riffing?
17:52I thought if there's other people in the shallow end of the pool, we may as well play.
17:55Well, what result did Emma get?
17:59Well, Tommy dared to get zero, as we know.
18:02Emma chose to put one piece of paper in the hole punch.
18:04Emma put two holes, plus she was 22.2 metres away, so her score is 24.2.
18:10Okay.
18:11I should have distressed it.
18:13Okay, I want to see more holes punched at a distance.
18:16Next up, using stationary to keep their scores moving, it's Lisa and Dave.
18:20So if I just throw this there and it hits there and it goes down and punches a hole, the task is over.
18:27Maybe that can go in there somehow.
18:29It's got to be a reasonable amount that it's going to actually do the job.
18:34Alright, here we go.
18:35Um, just stop that going in.
18:37Wait a sec.
18:38I've just got...
18:39You've got stuff in your pockets?
18:40Yeah, I like to carry a few different...
18:42You just never ever know if you might need it.
18:44Something...
18:45That can clip over like that.
18:51I'm just going to see whether or not I can get that to calm down.
18:57No, I think it's...
18:58Alright, I'm going to go closer.
18:59I just don't know whether or not it's going to...
19:02No, that's not...
19:03I just need another lever.
19:09It's a hole.
19:12It's worked.
19:15Am I out of time?
19:19There's a hole in the document.
19:21Is there?
19:22How many times have I done?
19:23I can only see one.
19:24No, there's another one.
19:26I've done at least two.
19:27I think I'm proud of myself, but I'm not...
19:31I'm completely sure I am proud of myself, but I think I am.
19:34I'm going to go and rethink that.
19:40So Lisa, you had a premature hole punch.
19:43Yeah, I mean I was working towards something bigger and I accidentally punched a hole.
19:46Yeah?
19:47Yeah.
19:48Sorry about that.
19:49I am sorry.
19:50I thought it was a good effort.
19:51You don't have to apologise to us.
19:52You still did better than me.
19:53I know.
19:54I really thought I was onto something.
19:55Excellent.
19:56If I apologise for every time I was a bit shit, all I'd do was be apologised.
19:59Well, I won't apologise.
20:00I'll just say it could have been better.
20:01And also we've talked about it.
20:02Sometimes you're a bit too polite, Lisa.
20:03Okay.
20:04If you want to show, I want you to cut sick.
20:06Okay.
20:07This is your time.
20:08This is this...
20:09No-one cares round here.
20:10Well, he didn't let me have a good go.
20:12Like...
20:13Yes, he did!
20:14Come on.
20:19Oh, my God!
20:20Thanks, guys.
20:22God, that felt good.
20:24Oh, my God.
20:25You've unleashed the dragon.
20:26That was incredible.
20:27I've got to say, I've been working away at that for seven episodes!
20:31And it's paid off!
20:32Okay.
20:33So, Hughsy.
20:34Yes.
20:35Did you ever stop and think there could be other things on the property?
20:40Or...
20:41He was like, oh, grab, throw.
20:42I'm just saying, it didn't...
20:47It didn't feel like a complicated strategy.
20:58No, it wasn't.
20:59It was exactly how you described it.
21:02But also, you know, TV's tough.
21:05You know, it's not an easy gig these days.
21:07And we all want to get the show done on time and on budget.
21:10And I think that helped.
21:12Both Lisa and Dave managed two whole...
21:16..punched.
21:17Lisa was 1.7 metres away.
21:19Dave was 3.1 metres away.
21:21So, Lisa gets a score of 3.7.
21:23Dave gets 5.1.
21:26Oh, well done.
21:28Alright, go on, then.
21:29Punch the card for one more.
21:30They call him wakka, but can he wak from afar?
21:32It's Takashi wakasugi.
21:34Oh!
21:35Cranny.
21:36Domino's.
21:37Domino's.
21:38I put tyres here.
21:39And the last one's gonna be...
21:44Alright.
21:46Oh!
21:47Oh!
21:48Did you see that?
21:49Alright.
21:50More tyres.
21:51Good.
21:52Two more.
21:59Still walking.
22:00Still walking.
22:01I know.
22:02Nice work.
22:03You're right there, yeah.
22:04Okay.
22:05Alright.
22:06This is far?
22:07Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
22:08Look, I forgot.
22:09I'm gonna put paper.
22:10Alright.
22:11Alright.
22:12Three.
22:13Two.
22:14One.
22:18Not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet.
22:20One minute and 27 seconds.
22:21I still have time.
22:22No worries.
22:23It's okay.
22:24Go.
22:29Ah!
22:30One minute, one minute, one minute.
22:32One minute and two seconds left.
22:33Yeah, yeah.
22:34You have still time.
22:35No rush, no rush.
22:36I'm tired.
22:3730 seconds.
22:3830 seconds.
22:39Can you count every seconds now?
22:4117.
22:42Alright, alright.
22:4316.
22:4415.
22:453.
22:4613.
22:4712.
22:4811.
22:4910.
22:509.
22:518.
22:527.
22:536.
22:545.
22:554.
22:563.
23:02I'm tired.
23:03It's very difficult.
23:04I'm very tired.
23:05I'm very tired too.
23:12Waka, you also dared to dream.
23:14Yes.
23:15I was so disappointed, you know.
23:18I couldn't sleep that night.
23:21Yeah, I mean, whenever you weren't there, it worked really well, but whenever you got
23:24involved, it didn't work anymore.
23:26That's life.
23:29Every task I use a tire never did well.
23:32I know.
23:33I hate tires.
23:34I know.
23:35Well, Waka's the only person, I guess, who maybe accidentally clued on to the number of
23:39holes being kind of quite relevant.
23:40Yes.
23:41Could have we just used our hands and just gone down?
23:44Arguably.
23:45LAUGHTER
23:46So, Waka may have been close, only 1.7 metres away, but he punched 68 holes.
23:53What?
23:54That means Tommy gets zero points, Lisa gets two, Dave gets three, Emma gets four, but
24:02Waka wins the task with five points.
24:04And in terms of episode scores, Tommy is in last place at the moment with six points.
24:11But Waka's in the lead with 12 points.
24:13CHEERING
24:14OK, you want another task?
24:16Sure, I'll give you another task right after these ads.
24:19That's right, I'm a dirty little task tease.
24:21But you know you love it.
24:22Back soon.
24:23APPLAUSE
24:24Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster, where five desperate comedians are doing absolutely
24:42everything in their power to win a dead rat.
24:45That's right, love is in the air, but will it make its way into anyone's bodies?
24:49Let's find out with a team task.
25:03Come in.
25:04Did you knock?
25:05After you, sir.
25:06Alright, thank you.
25:07Hi, Tom.
25:08Hi, Waka.
25:09Hello.
25:10Hi, Dave.
25:11Hi, Lisa.
25:12Hi, Tommy.
25:13Hi, Tom.
25:14I don't have favourites.
25:15Bullshit.
25:16Oh, there's a lot of words there.
25:19I can do this.
25:20I mean, I'm happy to share it with you if you want to read a bit and I can read a bit.
25:23Oh, can you read?
25:25That's too long.
25:28Make these singles have chemistry on their first date.
25:31On their second date.
25:33They are both wearing earpieces.
25:35They will only say or do whatever you tell them to do.
25:39At least one person from your team must be in the study.
25:42And one must be outside.
25:43If you are in the study, you will be in control of her.
25:46If you are outside, you will be in control of him.
25:49Best chemistry wins.
25:50Your singles will arrive in 10 minutes.
25:52For their 20 minute date.
25:54Your time starts now.
25:56Is there something to be said about me feeding the man the lions and you guys feeding the woman?
26:02Because you...
26:03Because we'll know what we want to receive.
26:05I really think that you should go with the girl and I should go with the boy.
26:09All right.
26:10That's sexy dress.
26:11Yeah, that's fine.
26:12She can wear that.
26:13And the guy gonna wear...
26:14Is this yours?
26:15That's my pants.
26:16Why are you...
26:18OK, so we're back with the team task.
26:24Yeah, that's right.
26:25I just got the sense that the boys are just a bit excited to be using walkie-talkies.
26:28That's what they really cared about.
26:31All right, we better rip off the band-aid for these two unlucky in-love birds.
26:35Cashman, let's go.
26:36Call them cheese because they're about to craft some singles.
26:39It's Waka, Tommy and Emma.
26:45Oh my God.
26:49He looks good.
26:53She looks great.
26:57Can you ask her what is important to her in a relationship?
26:59What do you think is important in a relationship?
27:03Knowing each other's names.
27:06Knowing each other's names?
27:07What's yours?
27:11Say...
27:12Genghis.
27:14Genghis.
27:18Ask her what her goal is for the date.
27:20What's your sort of goal from this date?
27:22And if there's a silence, just start filling it with facts about catfish.
27:26Um...
27:29There's...
27:31Been a lot going on in the news about catfish.
27:33Have you ever seen anything?
27:35Catfish.
27:36They...
27:37Have you ever caught one?
27:38You put your hands...
27:40In a catfish?
27:41That's good.
27:42Keep doing that hand action.
27:43So imagine that's your mouth.
27:44Well, it's not your mouth.
27:45It's a catfish mouth.
27:46In.
27:47Grasp.
27:48And like...
27:49Yank it out.
27:50So...
27:51Are you just gonna sit with that guitar?
27:54Or are you gonna...
27:55Strum something maybe?
27:57Okay, just start playing some chords.
28:03And now wink five times, please.
28:09Just sing the song with the guitar.
28:11I love you so...
28:15I...
28:16Want...
28:17Okay, just keep playing while she's singing.
28:18So...
28:20I...
28:21Want...
28:22You...
28:23So...
28:25Ask her if she wants to marry you.
28:27You wanna marry me?
28:28Can I wear a hat first?
28:32Um...
28:33Can I wear a hat first?
28:35Put the hat on her.
28:39Let's marry.
28:41Let's marry.
28:42The Taskmaster restaurant has closed.
28:44I love you so...
28:47I love you so...
28:50Sing along as you leave.
28:51I need you so...
28:53I need you so...
28:54I need you so...
29:01The task's over, guys.
29:02Can you please let her?
29:03Tell him he has to kiss the hat and then you'll leave.
29:07You have to kiss the hat and then I'll leave.
29:08The task's over, guys.
29:09I don't have to do anything.
29:10Kiss the f***ing head.
29:12Okay.
29:13All right.
29:15I love you so...
29:17What were you thinking?
29:18I think we started quite well and I'm glad you did this, Beau, but Waka just started singing and it was wonderful.
29:30But then there was no turning back.
29:31Yeah.
29:32I did a singing task before and I got confident.
29:33Yeah.
29:34And I did again.
29:35Well, we all remember that task.
29:36I'm not sure if you should have been confident.
29:37Emma, I really think you made his grotty moustache hipster personality shine through.
29:38Yeah.
29:39Yeah.
29:40Look, I've come across a few of them in my lifetime.
29:41Yeah.
29:42Look, I've come across a few of them in my lifetime.
29:43I know what I would have liked them to say on dates.
29:45So that's what you would like.
29:47Yeah, so ...
30:10would have liked them to say on dates. Oh so that that's what you would like in a
30:14date? Yep. Well and then I mean to be fair as well the task had ended but they
30:23still seemed to be in love. It was difficult to get them to leave. All right
30:29let's see the others then eh? They seem like they've been married 20 years so
30:33matters of the heart should come easy it's Lisa and Dave. When he turns up say
30:38better like the never I suppose. Gareth? When you go in tell her how beautiful she
30:43looks. Ah! Better like the never suppose. Just reach out and put your hand there and
30:50see if she holds it. Can I just say I hadn't noticed just how beautiful your eyes are.
30:58I noticed yours. I noticed yours. I'd also never noticed how thick your moustache was.
31:03What made you grow a moustache? Are you hiding something? Just say you've got a scar from a water skiing accident on a top lip.
31:15Oh my god I love legs. So do you. I too love legs.
31:31I think we should start travelling. Where would you like to go?
31:35I would like to go. Into your heart. You already have my heart. So take my hand.
31:42Okay you can hold my hand. You can hold my hand. Go down on your knee and propose to Chloe.
31:47Oh my god. God. And say for the time I have left on this earth I want you to be mine.
31:54To be mine.
31:55Is the moustache gonna be for the wedding or not? Is the money gonna be spent on the wedding or not?
32:01What about the moustache? My stache. No the moustache. It's the moustache. I don't like it.
32:08Right. I was just wondering if you could help me out.
32:12Just tell her you've got a dicky disc in your back and you're just you're really struggling to get up.
32:15I've got a bit of a you know a bit of a dicky disc in my back so just.
32:19We need Tom back to witness our wedding. Get Tom back in. Get Tom back in.
32:23There we go. Tom Marius.
32:26In the power that you've got.
32:28Put the hand back on the table.
32:30With the power that you've got.
32:32With the power that isn't vested in me.
32:34As a waiter at the Taskmaster restaurant.
32:40Sorry. Oh my god.
32:42I love you Gareth.
32:43I love you Gareth.
32:44Thank you Gareth.
32:49Thank you Gareth.
32:59So the actors were they single?
33:00So I should clarify they weren't actors. They were real single people.
33:03Oh. Okay.
33:04Well I do feel that the age team I feel like there might have been more chemistry happening throughout that date.
33:09I mean Lisa you came in pretty strong there. Like you really wanted to speed things up.
33:12Well yeah the lag is hard. Like dealing with the lag is hard. Didn't you find?
33:16A lot of my stuff got lost in translation.
33:19So just another task for you Dave.
33:21But also you made her say thanks Gareth and then you said thanks Gareth to yourself.
33:28Well I was saying thank you to him for being in the task.
33:31But then he said thanks Gareth to himself.
33:35Okay. So I'm going to say there was more chemistry for the age team.
33:41Okay.
33:42So I'm going to go five five three three three.
33:44Alright.
33:45Oh good.
33:46Well done Dave.
33:48Okay time for a break.
33:50You know what I'm going to do.
33:51I'm going to go to my dressing room and get nude and meditate.
33:54So to the fans who want to know the real Tom.
33:57There you go.
33:58Bye.
33:59Welcome back to Taskmaster.
34:14These task teats are full of tasty milk.
34:17Squeeze me out another task Lester Tom.
34:19I truly can't wait for the honour.
34:21But first a quick update on our episode scores.
34:23The winner at the moment is Waka with 15 points.
34:29Okay Tom the body Cashman.
34:32Surf on up.
34:34Sure thing.
34:35Welcome to the Pterodome.
34:51Tom?
34:52Right.
34:53Not Tom.
34:58I like it when he's not here.
35:03It's unsettling.
35:04Avoid getting wet by Tom.
35:08You must remain within the bunker.
35:10This is the bunker.
35:11Tom is outside the bunker but can't step inside.
35:15Longest to avoid getting wet wins.
35:18You have 20 minutes.
35:20Your time starts after Tom gives you an example of what he is capable of.
35:25Oh my god!
35:26I laugh at you.
35:35Is that it?
35:36What do you mean?
35:37One water bomb and one super soccer.
35:39Oh there's more where that came from buddy boy.
35:48Lesley Tom I've never seen you so excited about a task.
35:51This one was a lot of fun.
35:52Alright so tell me Fritzl who do we see first?
35:55I had to get into character for this one like a spy movie villain but with water.
36:02So first up Tommy, Dave and Lisa will meet Pond.
36:05James Pond.
36:06James Pond.
36:14Mate you're nowhere near it.
36:15What have you got man?
36:16You have to do a lot better than that.
36:21It doesn't say that I'm allowed to use this.
36:23Oh come on.
36:39He's over there.
36:40He's over there. He's over there.
36:48Oh, this is so super creepy.
36:51Oh, there you are.
36:54Has anyone told you you play like a creepy psychopath quite well?
36:59I'm not playing a character.
37:04Where is he? Where is he?
37:10Ah!
37:16I got you, Lisa.
37:18OK.
37:25Ah! Got me!
37:29Thanks, Dave.
37:31Thanks, Tom.
37:35Thanks, Tom.
37:36Thanks, Tommy.
37:40Did you get some revenge there, Tommy?
37:43Yeah.
37:44Yeah.
37:45But that wasn't part of the task.
37:46That was just extra fun.
37:47No, but it was like my dessert.
37:50OK, so it seems like the best thing to do is just to run around.
37:53Yeah, I think keeping moving was a good strategy.
37:55OK.
37:56But when he got Hughes-y, I feel like you were aiming for him,
37:58even though you couldn't see him.
37:59Were you listening to him?
38:00Yeah, Dave Hughes was quite vocal.
38:05Yeah, I like to express myself.
38:07And also give him a chance, you know.
38:09He works hard and he deserves.
38:14You do work really hard, man, so good on you.
38:17I feel like all of you are actually being quite honest
38:20because Lisa had barely just got your ankle.
38:23Yeah, I didn't feel like I got that wet.
38:25Yeah, I know.
38:26But then you screamed in disgust, so you gave yourself up.
38:29Well, because I was having a lot of fun.
38:30Shall we look at some results then?
38:32Yes.
38:33So Hughes-y got wet in 2 minutes and 14 seconds.
38:35OK.
38:37Lisa took 3 minutes and 24 seconds,
38:39but Tommy eluded me for 9 minutes and 39 seconds.
38:42Time for an ad break and if you've got a bunker,
38:47this is your cue to go down and check the restraints
38:49around their ankles and just make sure they're still tight.
38:52Have fun.
38:53See you soon.
39:07Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster.
39:09What's going on, Cashman?
39:11At the moment, our contestants are in the Pterodome,
39:13trying to avoid being water-bombed or water-gunned.
39:15I can't get anyone else to call it the Pterodome.
39:18Next up, facing 00 Decimal Play 7,
39:21it's Waka and Emma.
39:27I saw it. I saw it. I saw it.
39:29I saw it.
39:31Yes. Yes.
39:32Yes.
39:42Tom, Tom, Tom.
39:44You should think more.
39:45You should think more.
39:53Good try. Good try.
39:54You can't throw that.
39:55You're too good.
39:57What does 20 minutes mean?
39:58It's already 20 minutes?
39:59Ten seconds left.
40:00Put gun.
40:01Put gun down.
40:02Yes.
40:03You're not wet?
40:04No, I'm just wet, but...
40:05That doesn't count, unfortunately.
40:06It's finished?
40:07That was the easy one.
40:08That was the easy one.
40:39Oh!
40:43I got you!
40:44I really thought I'd done something, though.
40:54So, Waka...
40:55Yes?
40:56I kind of want to say, well done,
40:57but I'd prefer to say,
40:59Leslie Tom, you suck!
41:02No, no, he did well.
41:03He did well.
41:04Finally, I could show you some ninja parts.
41:07Finary.
41:08Finary.
41:09You must have known that you were onto a good thing
41:10when he got so desperate
41:11he threw his bloody toys into the cot.
41:14That feels good.
41:15That feels so good.
41:16What were you thinking?
41:17Just throwing your empty gun?
41:18I had to try something different.
41:20That's an extraordinary effort, Waka.
41:21Honestly, I'm so impressed by what you just did there.
41:24That was incredible.
41:25Do you believe him?
41:27I think...
41:28I don't think we're giving Waka enough credit here.
41:30It was an incredible effort.
41:31He's trying.
41:32You won't shut up.
41:33So, Emma, you must have thought you found a brilliant hack.
41:41No, at no point did I think I'd nailed it.
41:44I think my fight or flight kicked in and it turns out I cower.
41:48I think maybe I thought that, like, I was covered by enough of it
41:52that he'd have to get it on my head and then he did that.
41:55What scores are we looking at?
41:59Well, Waka, obviously, I failed to get in the allocated 20 minutes.
42:03Emma, I got in 57 seconds.
42:06So that means one point to Emma, two to Dave, three to Lisa,
42:09four to Tommy, but Waka wins the task with five points.
42:14Alright then, get your tushies up on stage for the final task of the show.
42:18Go!
42:23Okay, people, things, stage.
42:25Who's going to explain what's going on, Lessa Tom?
42:27I'm going to ask the team of two to read it out.
42:29I'm going to see.
42:30Okay.
42:31In teams, feed your stick thingy through your helmet thingy.
42:35Your stick thing may not touch the sides of your helmet thingy.
42:39The team-mate wearing the helmet must be facing the audience throughout.
42:44The team-mate holding the stick thingy may not move off their mat
42:48and must be wearing their blindfolds.
42:51Fastest team wins, most rounds won wins.
42:55Right.
42:56Yep.
42:58Alright, blindfolds on, guys.
43:00We ready?
43:01Go!
43:02Okay, Dave, lower your stick.
43:03Stop, stop it.
43:04Lower your stick.
43:05Lower your stick.
43:06Lower your stick.
43:07Lower your stick.
43:08Come on.
43:09Come on.
43:10Come on.
43:11Lisa and Dave have won round one.
43:13Subsequent rounds will have different stick thingies.
43:16Oh.
43:17Different sticks?
43:20Stop looking at yourself.
43:22I think I've aged well.
43:23Do you know Hughes actually has no greys?
43:25That's just dandruff.
43:28It's a pretty good joke.
43:30Alright, we ready?
43:32Set.
43:33Alright.
43:34Emma, come on.
43:35Alright, come, keep coming.
43:36Hold it still, hold it still, hold it still.
43:37Keep coming, keep coming.
43:39Just straighten it up a bit.
43:40Emma, come.
43:41Keep coming.
43:42Emma, come.
43:43You got it?
43:44Yeah, we got it.
43:45The team of three win round two.
43:46Yeah, yeah, yeah.
43:48What happened, Dave?
43:49I forgot I could walk backwards.
43:53I was too busy looking at myself.
43:57Alright, round three, go.
44:00Okay, that's it, Dave.
44:01Straighten him up.
44:02Come on.
44:03Twist to the right, twist to the right.
44:04Twist to the right, twist to the right.
44:05Is it paying us?
44:06Stay there.
44:07Oh, we've got a touch.
44:08Team two, touch.
44:09Both teams have touched that zero all for round three.
44:13Solid game.
44:15Okay, we need to go to an ad break.
44:17If it's onesies, go now.
44:18If it's twosies, you might have to hang on.
44:20See you soon.
44:21Welcome back to Taskmaster, where our contestants have been up on stage sticking things into other things.
44:38Take it away, Alyssa Tom.
44:39We're in the middle of a live team tasks.
44:41One person has got a helmet on with a wire thingy on it and the others have a stick thingy that they're trying to put through the wire thingy.
44:47We've got two rounds left and it's one point to one point.
44:51Everything to play for.
44:52Are we ready for the fourth round?
44:54Ready, set, go.
44:56Go.
44:59Stay there.
45:00I'm coming.
45:01I'm coming home to Papa.
45:04We've got a touch team of two.
45:06We've got a touch team of three.
45:09Zero all in round four.
45:11Watch us up.
45:12What are you doing?
45:13I nearly broke my racket.
45:16Are we ready for round five?
45:17Ready, set, go.
45:19Okay, Dave, come up a bit.
45:22Up.
45:23Twist to the left.
45:24Twist to the left.
45:25No rush.
45:26Okay, twist to the left, mate.
45:27Twist to the left.
45:28What do you mean twist?
45:29Twist the pole.
45:30Straighten it up.
45:31Twist it up.
45:32No, left.
45:33Twist to the left.
45:34What the you mean?
45:35Twist it to the left.
45:36Are you coming, Emma?
45:37Yeah, yeah, yeah.
45:38Are you coming?
45:39I'm coming twisted to the left.
45:40What do you mean?
45:41This way?
45:42Up.
45:43Up.
45:44Emma, no rush.
45:45Are you up?
45:46Come on.
45:48Team of two touched.
45:49Team of three have been successful.
45:51I can't.
45:52I can't.
45:53I can't.
45:54I can't.
45:55I said twist to the left.
45:56I said twist to the left.
45:57I said twist to the left.
45:58I said twist to the left.
45:59I got it.
46:00I got it.
46:01I got it.
46:02I got it.
46:03Are we still going?
46:04No.
46:05Can you say my goal?
46:06We're going.
46:07I kept saying twist to the left.
46:09What does twist to the left mean?
46:11Cute.
46:12Okay.
46:13All sticks and helmets away.
46:14Come on down and let's score that bad boy.
46:27Alright.
46:28Remind me of the scores, please.
46:29The A team won the first round, as we remember.
46:31The B team tied it up in the second round.
46:33But in the final round, the B team took the win.
46:35Tommy, Waka and Emma win the task.
46:37Okay.
46:38So the better team, 5-5-5.
46:43The aged team, 3-3.
46:45Okay.
46:46That means it's a tight scoreboard, but winning the episode with 25 points, it's Takashi Waka
46:53Sugi.
46:54Congratulations, Waka.
46:58Go up there and claim your most disappointing purchases.
47:01But what have we learnt?
47:06We learnt that if a fight's brewing up, call up Waka and throw some hole punches.
47:11Dave Hughes confirmed the obvious rumour that he doesn't wash his hair.
47:16And we learnt that Lisa McCune is finally f***ing unhinged.
47:21Hats off again to Waka and hats off to you, the viewer, for joining us.
47:26Goodnight.
47:27The children and horny dads are crying out for more or lesser Tom.
47:46But that would dirty up my image.
47:48God has forsaken me!
47:49I'd just like to say to my kids, you can have tomorrow off school.
47:58You can have tomorrow off school.
47:59You can have tomorrow off school.