Ally McBeal Season 1 Episode 9
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00:00Previously on Ally McBeal
00:03She was about to ask me a question once, I said, don't spoil. I don't want to attach anything audio to her.
00:20The girl who works in the mailroom, you know, the one who saunters about demonstrably with her ample bosom.
00:25What about her?
00:25Well, the women in the office don't appreciate the gawk fest, and we feel that her continued presence, together with the reactions, are contributing to a hostile working environment.
00:36This is camera one. Camera two.
00:40That does not make out a case for sexual harassment.
00:43You say it doesn't? The law says it's possible, but does it really matter?
00:46And don't try to take a moment, because I'm already clued in as to how you work.
00:55Oh, Blanche.
01:10You know we got rats in the cellar?
01:12How are we going, Blanche?
01:20No.
01:22No.
01:28No.
01:29I can't.
01:33No.
01:34oh that wasn't funny yes it was no it wasn't trust me from the way i'm saying it was funny
01:53cruelty is funny to you pain when it's somebody else's how many times do you have to watch that
02:00movie i like it okay they don't make movies about real relationships anymore what do you watch the
02:06the sound of music what's wrong with the sound of music nothing if you don't mind julie andrews
02:11being alive you have something against julie andrews doesn't everybody no i like her renee
02:19she's perky she isn't perky sister maria mary poppins well what about that blake edwards
02:31movie she did where she bared her breasts there's nothing mary poppins about that you know i saw
02:36that movie and you know what her breasts were perky she had little optimistic nipples okay
02:43what's going on what do you mean what's going on you have something against mary poppins i don't
02:48have anything against high school what about high school i was
02:58i was voted most likely to become julie andrews ah i'm not anything like her am i first of all no
03:12second of all neither is she she regrets those movies because people got the same idea you did
03:17julie andrews is nothing like mary or maria well my high school class didn't know that when they
03:21voted me most likely to be her and and i think people do think i'm kind of prudy
03:27really sometimes i i go into the unisex richard and billy will be telling a joke and they stop as
03:33soon as i come in it's like they're afraid they're gonna pierce my little virgin ears
03:37that's just men men have something about dirty jokes they do yeah if you want in on the club just
03:43tell one they'll hand you a cigar i don't know any except the one about the flea but billy already heard it
03:51do you know any i got a few tell me one no i'm not telling you any dirty jokes why not because you'll
04:03faint sorry i probably would have voted with your class you know what renee bite me
04:10oh come on just just tell me one dirty joke just one joke can you want me to tell you a dirty joke
04:20the dirtier the better okay ready i'm ready sure tell it you'll faint tell it all right all right
04:29this man's walking down the beach nobody for miles beautiful sunset when all of a sudden he spots this
04:35girl no arms no legs just a torso and she's crying so he goes up to her he says why are you crying she
04:42says i'm 21 years old i have no arms no legs and i've never been kissed his heart just breaks so he
04:49bends down gives her the softest most gentle kiss it was so romantic her tears just stop she says softly
04:57thank you he says you're welcome and starts to walk away when he hears her crying again he says what
05:04she says i'm 21 years old i have no arms no legs and i've never been screwed and with that he bends
05:09down picks her up and throws into the ocean and says you're screwed now
05:16what that was disgusting oh come on no a woman has no arms and no legs and you're making fun of her
05:23sex life oh forget it you are pathetic i'm pathetic yes you no no no see renee that joke wasn't funny
05:29it was sick raindrops on roses and whiskers i am not being julie andrews okay okay keep singing
05:37keep singing renee but that poor woman is drowning
05:42who's drowning the woman who got chucked into the ocean and you're singing about sleigh bells and
05:47doorbells and schnitzels and noodles and it's sick sick sick sick
06:01i have made mistakes and i have made mistakes in my life that i just can't hide
06:13but i don't know
06:14the love has written
06:18i got myself together
06:22now i'm ready to sing i've been searching my soul tonight
06:29i know there's so much more to life
06:32Now I know I can shine the light
06:36To find my way back home
06:39Baby
06:42Oh yeah
07:02Do you think it's funny?
07:06No, it's sick
07:08Dirty jokes are supposed to be sick
07:10That's the point
07:11So you think it's funny?
07:13Well, a little
07:14She's got no arms, no legs, bobbing up and down
07:17Allie, I don't think you're supposed to think about it
07:19How am I not supposed to think about it?
07:21A woman is born basically a stump
07:23Imagine what her life must have been like growing up
07:27I mean, kids picking on her
07:28She never made it to her prom
07:29And now she's on a beach
07:30And some guy comes by, picks her up
07:32And heaves her into the ocean
07:33I don't think the joke is funny
07:40But Allie, it's a made up thing
07:45You have given this girl a whole backstory
07:48Maybe she did go to her prom
07:50You know, there are real people out there
07:54With no arms and no legs
07:55I know
07:56But you're not supposed to rationalize it like that
07:58No joke would be funny if you dissected it
08:00Yeah, like was it high tide or low tide?
08:02How did she get to the beach in the first place?
08:05The questions are endless
08:06I have Renee online, too
08:08She wants to know if lunch is still on
08:10Or whether you'd rather use the hour to make dresses from drapes
08:13And Richard, you might want to fasten your eye sockets
08:17You have a delivery
08:17Go ahead
08:21Certified
08:27Ah
08:27Absolutely
08:29You know, I had a great aunt once who said
08:44If you stare at a beautiful woman too long, you turn to stone
08:46She was partially right
08:48That would be a fishism or one of those boy jokes
08:53What's the matter?
08:54She's suing us
08:55What?
08:56What?
08:56Sexual harassment
08:57Everybody sues me for sexual harassment
08:59Let me see
09:00I can't keep coming in here to be served
09:02This is ridiculous
09:03Well, Richard, maybe this one you deserved
09:05I mean, the way you all keep gawking at her
09:07I can't have blame her
09:08No, she's not suing on account of the men
09:10She's complaining about the women
09:12What?
09:13Yeah, yeah, the allegation is that the women have been hostile to her
09:16Because they don't like the way she dresses
09:18Well, can she sue for that?
09:20I think she can
09:21The Supreme Court is ruling on same-sex harassment this fall
09:25But I don't see why they would block it as a cause of action
09:27But same-sex harassment, that means gay harassment
09:30No, it doesn't
09:31Well, when you think of it
09:32Once you accept hostile working environment as a theory
09:35She has a perfect case
09:36She is getting hostile treatment because she's deemed too sexy
09:40What, would she be any different because the hostility is coming from the women?
09:44Let me meet with her lawyer and see if we can dust it
09:46She never made any demands or complaints, did she?
09:48Not to me
09:49Well, she may have trouble proving that you had notice of the hostile environment
09:53She'll argue constructive notice
09:54Even so, step one is to complain
09:56Give the employer a chance to fix the problem
09:58She never did that
09:59I'll go meet with her lawyer
10:01Ridiculous
10:02Well, that's what happens when you start reducing women to body parts
10:05I don't like my butt
10:09This outfit looks great on you
10:12No, it's too conservative for a date
10:14This date's with a rabbi, he'll think this is reformed
10:18Well, I've never dated a rabbi before
10:19I hope he's more fun than the priest
10:22Tell him my joke
10:25That'll loosen up his little beanie
10:28Beanie?
10:28Renee, it's a yarmulke
10:30Yarmulke
10:31Tell him my joke, I bet he laughs
10:33I am not gonna tell him your joke, it's repulsive
10:36It is funny
10:38But if I told that joke in a room full of people, you'd be the only one not to laugh
10:42Okay, let's prove it
10:46Prove it how?
10:47At the bar, you tell your joke
10:49I dare you
10:50At the bar?
10:52Mm-hmm
10:52You think it's so funny, put your microphone where your mouth is
10:55All right
10:57I tell you what
10:59I will tell my joke at the bar
11:02And if they laugh, you have to get up and tell your little flea joke
11:05Forget it
11:08See, as usual
11:11In the end, you back down
11:14And you worry that this outfit makes you seem more conservative than you really are?
11:21Okay
11:21You get up at that bar and you tell that joke
11:24The same joke
11:25And if people laugh, a real laugh, a good one
11:29Then I will get up on that stage and I will tell my flea joke
11:32You gotta bet
11:35Good
11:37Good
11:38You?
11:45How can you be her attorney?
11:47You just represented the women you're now suing
11:49I'm flexible
11:50Listen, miss
11:51Call me Caroline, please
11:53We're talking huge conflicts of interest here
11:55I've made my client aware of the conflicts, counsel, but thank you for your concern
11:59Miss Poop
12:01I asked you to call me Caroline and I believe I asked quite nicely
12:04Yes
12:05Well, this is more than just a conflict
12:08The basis of this claim, it's the behavior of the women in this firm
12:12So?
12:14So?
12:15You fostered that behavior when you represented the women
12:17So?
12:19So?
12:20I'm not the plaintiff here, Jennifer Higgin is
12:23Um, that's the girl's name in case you didn't realize she had one
12:26And I'm not suing Elaine or the women
12:28I'm suing the employer, the firm
12:30You
12:31I hate to sap any of the fun
12:34But if it's any consolation
12:37I plan to enjoy myself
12:39Oh
12:40Mm-hmm
12:41Bye
12:45Allie, glad you're here
12:53New firm policy, listen up
12:55Anybody who sues this firm or me
12:57Personally, we all drop whatever cases we're working on
13:00And we devote all our intellectual and creative efforts
13:04To ruining that person's life
13:06Are we clear?
13:07I do not want to stop short with just getting even
13:10Retribution, not strong enough
13:12Ruin, that's the goal
13:13Irreversible, irreparable, irrational
13:16Ruin
13:18New firm policy
13:27What did you dig up on conflicts?
13:35Can we disclose it by the lawyer?
13:36I don't think so
13:37She disclosed her conflicts of interest to the client
13:39She isn't so hysterical, by the way
13:41Elaine and the women were a little notorious with the hostility
13:44She'll probably make constructive notice
13:46Allie
13:46Poop lady agreed to waive notice on the depot so long as she can go first
13:50Who did she want to depose?
13:52Elaine, who else?
13:53That has to be a conflict of interest
13:55She knows what she knows about Elaine because she represented her
13:57Richard, we are wasting our time trying to disqualify her
14:00We shouldn't want to disqualify her
14:01We'll have a much better time if Caroline Poop is a lawyer
14:03How so? I want to know why? Tell me how so, why?
14:06She's lazy
14:07Look how she handled last week's lawsuit
14:09She doesn't really prepare
14:10She's a quick hitter
14:11We'll have a much tougher time with another lawyer
14:13She's right
14:14Georgia, you first chair
14:16Since you're the most neutral, you can...
14:18Oh, no, I'm not handling this case
14:20Why not?
14:22Well, I...
14:23It's a little close to home
14:26That girl was victimized because the women thought she looked too sexy
14:30I relate, and I don't want to go there
14:33What's the second reason?
14:36You said I had a second reason
14:37The first one stinks, you must have a backup
14:39I think my first reason is enough, Richard
14:42Right, but just in case it loses steam over time
14:44That lawyer
14:48Poop?
14:50Yes, poop
14:51She hit on me
14:54What?
14:57She did
14:58With a look
15:01A look?
15:04Billy
15:04There's one thing I know
15:07It's one I'm being hit on
15:08Part of me thinks this girl does have a case
15:14And another part
15:15All these harassment laws, they overprotect us
15:18They make us look like victims
15:19Maybe
15:20Elaine is being deposed today
15:22I figure we're dead
15:24We'll be settling as soon as she's finished
15:25What if she wants to sink the firm?
15:27You think about that?
15:28She lost her little lawsuit
15:30She could certainly get even today
15:31We considered that, but believe it or not
15:34It's not an Elaine's character
15:35In the end, she can't resist being helpful
15:37And the problem is, is that's when she does all the damage
15:40Anyway, we'll be done at five
15:43Plenty of time to get down to the bar
15:45And hear you tell your big joke
15:47Do I look scared?
15:49No, and I know why
15:51It's a win-win for you
15:52Even if you don't get a laugh
15:54You still get to get up on that stage
15:55And that satisfies your inner exhibitionist self
16:00What?
16:03I looked it up
16:04Jokes and their relation to the unconscious
16:07Freud
16:08Oh, wait
16:09A person who likes to tell dirty jokes
16:13Has concealed inclinations to exhibitionism
16:16Give me that
16:16No, no, there's more
16:17People who are best at telling dirty jokes
16:20Are the ones with a sadistic side to their sexuality
16:24First of all, this guy was the biggest sex perv going
16:27Freud?
16:28Allie, everything was about sex with Freud
16:30Little spanker couldn't walk down the street
16:33Without one hand holding his head
16:35That little spanker invented psychoanalysis
16:37Which obviously makes him your hero
16:39Here's a flash
16:40Psychoanalysis came to him in a wet dream
16:46Pardon the pot
16:47It did not
16:48Irma's injection
16:49Irma's injection
16:49That was an erotic dream
16:52Don't be whipping Freud out on me, girl
16:54I got that guy sussed
16:56I never glanced at her unkindly
17:00In the complaint you stated
17:01She had come to work dressed in attire designed to arouse the male personnel
17:06In paragraph seven you alleged that she was willful in the attempt to sexually stimulate them
17:12Well, a lot of us do that
17:15But the key is to be subtle so the men don't realize what we're doing
17:19Oh, so you don't blame her for dressing this way
17:22Certainly not
17:24Mm-hmm
17:25And yet you and the other women were angry enough to sue
17:28We sued because the men here were acting like pigs
17:32Oh, so you were angry at the men
17:35Correct
17:36You had no anger whatsoever at the woman you thought was causing this behavior
17:40Correct
17:42She was an innocent
17:44Correct
17:45You two could even be friends
17:48Correct
17:49But in your lawsuit you demanded that she be terminated
17:53That was an alternative demand
17:55The first demand was only that she stop walking around in her slutty little way
18:00Oh, her slutty little way
18:04So you have no hostility towards her
18:07I dress slutty
18:09Just understated
18:11Moderately slutty
18:12I see
18:13Do you make room for the possibility, Miss Vassal
18:17That with women whispering that she's slutty
18:20With women suing her because she oozes too much sexuality
18:24Do you make room for the slightest possibility
18:27That she might feel the least bit oppressed
18:30Well, if she felt that way
18:33She shouldn't dress how she dresses
18:34Flaunting her big alabaster buoys in everybody's faces
18:38I did not ambush the firm
18:43Elaine, get out, please
18:44I would like to account for my testimony
18:46You're accounted for
18:47Shoo
18:48Okay
18:53We have got to pick this girl apart
18:56We've got a motion to dismiss Penny
18:57We've got to pick her apart
18:58Establish that she really didn't feel harassed
19:00You want me to do it?
19:02Allie, you
19:03Me?
19:05She'll turtle against Billy
19:05You got a better chance
19:06You got that Julie Andrews thing going
19:08Did someone tell you to say that to me?
19:13Say what?
19:16If I tremble when I'm by your side
19:21Richard Fish wouldn't just pluck Julie Andrews out of thin air
19:26You told him
19:27I swear I didn't
19:28Right
19:29After this song, up I go
19:32Are you sure you want to do this?
19:35Maybe we should call it off
19:37Too late, I'm ready
19:38What if it bombs?
19:42Well, if it bombs, I have to tell a little flea joke
19:45Which is no less sturdy, by the way
19:47Oh, please, my joke is ribald
19:49Yours is disgusting
19:50Ribald?
19:52Yes, ribald
19:53What kind of person goes to Freud to understand limericks
19:56Uses words like ribald
19:57And dates rabbis?
20:00Julie Andrews!
20:01Could I have your attention?
20:07Moment of truth
20:08I'm on
20:09I've been asked to take a break
20:10So that somebody might tell you a joke
20:12So
20:13And that somebody would be me
20:16But first
20:21Let's take a moment to give it up to Vonda Shepard
20:25She's here every day
20:27God, she's comfortable up there
20:33And I couldn't help but notice that we're here almost every day too
20:36Same people, same faces
20:39Lawyers, stockbrokers
20:40Twins
20:41How about the dancing twins?
20:44Can we give it up to them, please?
20:46Thank you
20:46Okay, this is not fair
20:50She's warming up the crowd
20:52Anyway
20:53I did ask to come up here
20:55Because I've been looking at all these faces
20:56And suits and ties and coats, stuffy ties, boring jobs
21:01I see it on everybody's expression
21:03And I thought, this crowd needs something
21:07We need to laugh
21:09What we need is one good, dirty joke
21:15Disgusting journey
21:24Anybody feel like they could use that kind of joke?
21:29I'm talking filth
21:31This is all under protest now
21:35This is a warm-up act
21:36They still have to laugh at the joke, Allie
21:39And I won't
21:40Alright, okay
21:41Man's walking down a beach
21:44Beautiful beach
21:45Sunset, skies, all pretty colors
21:48Nobody's around
21:49And he spots this girl
21:51No arms, no legs
21:52Just a torso
21:53And she's crying
21:57So he goes up to her
21:58He says, why are you crying?
22:00She says, I'm 21 years old
22:01I have no arms, no legs
22:03And I've never been kissed
22:04So he bends down
22:08And he gives her the sweetest little kiss
22:10She says, thank you
22:12He says, you're welcome
22:13And he starts to walk away
22:14When he hears her crying again
22:16He says, what's the matter now?
22:18She says, I'm 21 years old
22:19I have no arms, no legs
22:21And I've never been screwed
22:23So he bends down
22:29Picks her up
22:30Rolls her into the ocean
22:32And says
22:33You're screwed now, baby
22:35You cheated
23:00What do you mean I cheated?
23:01You did a ten minute warm-up
23:02You used the twins
23:03And on the punchline
23:04You did a big butt-waggle
23:05And you changed the words
23:07It wasn't even the same joke
23:08What do you mean it wasn't the same?
23:09Before, when he threw her in the water
23:11It was, you're screwed now
23:13Tonight you added a butt-waggle
23:15And you said, you're screwed now, baby
23:17You're screwed now, baby
23:19Is much funnier
23:19And I would have laughed at that, maybe
23:22Baby is a little
23:24I was good
23:25The butt-waggle was funny
23:27And baby
23:28Baby just
23:30Renee
23:39Part of being
23:41A best
23:42Best
23:43Best friend
23:45Is not making your best friend
23:47Do something that you know
23:49Would be very
23:51Painful
23:53I know that
23:54And I was thinking that, um
23:56Maybe I could pay off this bet
23:59With money
24:01Or
24:02Breakfast in bed
24:04For like
24:06A week
24:07Anything
24:09Other than me having to get up on that stage
24:12And tell my flea joke
24:13Oh, Ali
24:15When you're sweet like this
24:18It's almost impossible to say no
24:21Almost
24:23Please
24:25I'll be your slave
24:26This time
24:28Tomorrow night
24:29You're taking that stage
24:31You're really gonna make me get up there
24:35I am
24:38My advice is try to act at ease like Renee did
25:00The crowd was having fun with her
25:01Have you ever told a joke before
25:03In your life
25:04What do you mean I'm funny
25:05Oh, I didn't mean you're not funny
25:08But
25:08Stand-up comedy
25:10That's
25:11Is the steno here?
25:14We're all set
25:15Go on in
25:15And we'll be right there
25:16Let me get Richard
25:17Fine
25:18We're going forward with the pre-trial here in the South
25:21Get all your people ready
25:23And
25:24Call in who you need
25:26Did you see that?
25:28What?
25:29She looked at me
25:30Georgia
25:30Poop is married
25:31She's not gay
25:32Then why does she look at me?
25:34I don't know
25:34I don't
25:35I don't know anything
25:37What's that supposed to mean?
25:40You thought that joke was sick, didn't you?
25:41Yeah
25:42Well, they laughed hard, Georgia
25:45The men laughed
25:46The women, I think, were just more amused by Renee's performance
25:49The boys
25:51Why do men like sick jokes?
25:53I'm not sure
25:54I think they're just sicker
25:57Yeah
25:59Okay, so, um
26:06What specifically did you perceive as hostile?
26:10Well, the looks, I guess
26:13The looks
26:15Yes
26:16Okay, the looks from the men or from the women?
26:19The women
26:20How would they look at you?
26:25Mean
26:25Mean?
26:28Yes
26:29Can you describe what about the looks made them seem mean?
26:34I can't really describe it
26:35I just felt it
26:37I'm terrible at this
26:39If I could just get Barbara Walters to ask the questions
26:42Tell us about the dwinking
26:43And the troubles it's caused in your wife
26:46I just drink and drink and drink
26:49Because I was sexually fondled by my uncles
26:51Do you have regrets?
26:56Um
26:56Okay, when you say they looked at you mean
26:59Did they squint?
27:02Look something like this?
27:03No
27:06How was the mean look different from the normal look?
27:09It wasn't really, I guess
27:11But
27:11When they filed that lawsuit
27:13Saying that they hated the way that I dressed
27:15And the way that I walked around
27:16After that, I had to assume they weren't looking at me
27:19Because they wanted to be my friends
27:21So when they filed that lawsuit
27:24That's when you felt the hostility
27:26Yes
27:26Yes
27:27Okay
27:29That's all
27:32Thank you
27:35Thanks
27:37That was it?
27:40You were supposed to tear her up?
27:42You coddled her, Allie
27:42I'm nothing if not disappointed
27:44I know what I'm doing, Richard
27:45Where are we on the 12v6 motion?
27:47Tomorrow morning
27:48But, Allie, I sort of agree with Richard
27:50You didn't get anything out of her
27:51I don't know how we're going to get the claim dismissed
27:53Without the admission
27:54She didn't really feel harassed
27:55She wasn't going to give us that admission
27:57Poop had her well coached
27:58Great
27:58Well, without cracking the plaintiff
28:00Not even slightly
28:01What have we taken the motion to dismiss
28:02Other than a prayer?
28:03I got it covered, Richard
28:04She wasn't very good, was she?
28:10Well, she did seem a little on the gentle side
28:12You think, is it possible she can't really be objective on this?
28:17How do you mean?
28:19Well, you know, she is one
28:20One what?
28:21A woman
28:21Ah
28:22And on sex and sexual harassment, they don't see straight
28:25Women
28:25Yes
28:26You're going to have to help me out here, Richard
28:28Do you have a fishism on this?
28:29No, but here's the thing about them
28:31Women, as a rule, hate pretty women
28:34But women, as a rule, also sympathize with other women victims
28:38Because they're women
28:39Are you with me?
28:41I'm doing my best
28:42It's like this
28:43Women want other women to be destroyed
28:45But as women, they don't want to be the actual destroyers themselves
28:48If you find a way to word that cleverly
28:52It could be a fishism
28:53If you were my friend, you'd call this off
29:07Well, I'll be laughing about it tomorrow
29:10I doubt anybody will be laughing tonight, but
29:13My joke is funnier than yours and less gross
29:15I don't know what the big deal is
29:17What's going on, Georgia?
29:18I get approached by gay women a lot, Billy
29:21Caroline Poop is not gay
29:23I think it's my voice
29:25Your voice?
29:26My voice is kind of deep for a woman
29:29Are you crazy?
29:30You have the sexiest voice in the world
29:31But it is a little deep
29:33So?
29:35So?
29:35So?
29:35I think that gay women think that it comes from some chromosome or gene
29:43That...
29:44Maybe that's why they think I could be gay
29:48I don't know
29:50Richard Fish touched my neck the other day
29:56What?
29:59He made it seem like an accident, but I know it was on purpose
30:02I think he was checking to see if I had an Adam's app
30:07Richard touched your neck
30:13You have my laugh, no matter how bad it goes
30:17Thank you, Elaine
30:18The song is ending
30:20Will you just go up there with me and waggle?
30:26Next time
30:28Hey guys
30:30Justin, I am so glad you're here
30:33I wouldn't miss this
30:35Thank you
30:36Last night we took a break for a joke
30:39And it went so well, we thought we'd do it again
30:42Oh my god
30:44Ali, if you don't have fun, the audience can't
30:48Whatever happens, enjoy
30:50Okay
30:51We will
30:53Quiet
30:54Ali?
30:55Are you out there?
30:57Big smile
30:58Big smile
31:02The hills are alive
31:05oh this is really really cool try to cope Elaine okay thank you I was here last night when Renee
31:27Raddick told that joke and I see that a lot of you were here too and and wasn't she great
31:35Renee stand up take a bow that little bitch okay well she's just being shy but she she really is
31:48there and but you know what she dared me to come up here and tell a dirty joke she didn't think I had
31:54it in me she didn't think I could do it and and what do you think you think I can do it
31:58good good I'm glad you think that because you know what one of the last vestiges of gender bias is the
32:12dirty joke men can handle it women can't we're we're uh we're not tough enough we're we're too
32:19we're too decent fragile well let's see here we go okay oh and by the way my joke true story
32:29two little fleas
32:31they meet at a bar in Florida and oh they they vacation together all the time and and one year
32:42the second little flea he arrives and he's freezing freezing cold and he says oh oh I was
32:52just zooming down from Jersey in the mustache of some guy on a motorcycle and I am frozen and the
32:58first flea says well that is no way to come to Florida here's what you do you go into an airport
33:03bar you have a few drinks you find a beautiful stewardess you climb up her leg you nestle right
33:11in her warm soft you know what I mean and you get a good night's sleep and you wake up in Florida
33:22now that is the way to travel year goes by vacation comes in comes the second flea again
33:30freezing cold again and the first flea goes well okay why are you cold didn't you do what I said in
33:37the second flea says I did exactly what you said I went into a bar I had a couple of drinks I climbed
33:42right up the leg of a beautiful stewardess I nestled in and I passed out all snuggled up and the next
33:48thing you know I am zooming down the freeway in the mustache of some guy on a motorcycle
33:53oh oh come on now this they think is funny
34:10okay um well uh uh uh let's let's hear it for vonda
34:20oh god oh god
34:34i actually think it was funny you told it great they just hated it well see with a good dirty joke
34:49it's got to be surprising but the listener also has to have a sense of what's coming
34:54and with you the way you look and your demeanor I just don't think they were prepared for that kind
35:01of filth oh well that clears it up
35:05I'm actually luckier than most I get to wake up each morning glad to start a new day
35:12grateful that the last one is over three two six six six Higgins versus Cage and Fish Law Corporation
35:19Caroline Poop for the plaintiff Allie McBeal representing the defendant your honor
35:25miss McBeal how delightful you're still at large how goes the potato chip quest just smile pretend that
35:34was cute um your honor we've brought a motion to dismiss miss Higgins lawsuit we believe that it
35:40fails to state a claim for which relief can be granted we've submitted expedited transcripts of two
35:46depositions your honor they clearly reveal that miss Higgins was subject to a hostile working
35:51environment I'd ask you to review our brief particularly Feynman versus Adelstein and
35:56Medivoy versus Jendler same-sex harassment cases are clearly viable in the commonwealth
36:02miss McBeal I agree you agree yes your honor I don't think sexual harassment should be limited to
36:11opposite sex situations I see and why would we be here other than for you and I to uh catch up
36:19oh well if you look at the transcript miss Higgins only felt harassed as a result of the lawsuit filed
36:25by the women it was only after reading that complaint that she felt they were hostile so so a complaint can't
36:34be the basis of a sexual harassment claim there's qualified immunity when it comes to pleadings
36:39according to her testimony the only real bad treatment she got was being sued a lawsuit has immunity
36:46miss boop what well this is a ridiculous technicality your honor she was treated in a
36:55hostile manner by these women because they didn't like the way she dressed that it came in the form of
36:59a legal pleading shouldn't make a bit of difference makes a difference to me this case is dismissed without
37:05prejudice what you can't kick a case like that but I can and I just did
37:18you had that off your sleeve the whole time why didn't you share because I decided to keep punch
37:22lines close to my vest you were fantastic so we're legally off the hook yes you are we don't owe her anything
37:27oh I didn't say that
37:37excuse me you know where I can find Richard Fish who are you representing now funny um Ashley I just
37:44came to let them know that my client does plan on returning to work and should be here soon so
37:48could you just give him that message no problem
37:55thank you hey I know what these looks are about and I don't like them what looks these looks like
38:05let's get together and watch Ellen sometime is that what you think I'm sorry
38:11well I have been looking at you but not for that ever since childhood I collected Barbie dolls and
38:17well I just never met a grown-up living one in person before and working side by side with Skipper
38:24I don't know I was just kind of blown away
38:26I don't know I was just kind of blown away
38:33does she think you're a lesbian no what is it it's worse it's worse
38:45much
38:45what's going on
38:56did you touch george's waddle excuse me she said you touched her neck did you am I about to be sued
39:03again I am not talking sexual harassment I am talking facts did you fiddle with my wife's waddle
39:08I might have grazed it bygones no bygones I was only it wasn't in a sexual way please I know
39:20your fetish look it's not like a neck is sexual for george or you it's a one-way jolly what's the
39:24harm it is sexual for you richard that's the violation you were touching my wife in a sexual
39:29way I don't appreciate it oh okay uh it won't happen again
39:47I'll take that as a bygone
39:53whoa oh hey
39:54hey bygone squared you want to still work here you can really just like that no not just like
40:03that in my office excuse me a second richard on the heels of a lawsuit I don't think you should
40:09be speaking to her I'm an employer she's an employee and I am acting as counsel and if it is anything
40:14remotely connected to that case you should have a lawyer in the room I am a lawyer richard that case
40:20was dismissed without prejudice it could come back and with the things that roll off your tongue
40:24I don't think you should be speaking to her outside of counsel
40:36Allie wants to be here too because she thinks I'll say something stupid anyway uh Jennifer
40:42may I call you Jennifer it would be progress to give you a name sure
40:45yeah Jennifer you're a tall woman with enormous breasts Richard let me finish I and a few other
40:51men here have considered you an asset to the firm and we've been staring at your assets from time to
40:55time maybe I should tell a joke Allie let me finish what I'm trying to say
41:02the women here are really angry at me and some of the men not you and we're to blame
41:08I'm glad you're still working here and I will see to it that the men don't act like idiot sophomores and
41:12beyond that I apologize for all of us especially me you deserve a lot more respect than we've given you
41:29thank you
41:30so uh that's all yeah so go deliver something
41:44you can go go
41:50what don't you have other work to do we should have some cases where we're not the defendants
42:00we're going out tomorrow night I got new shoes I got new dress I like to re-make myself
42:27every new relationship got it come on I love this song Georgia I'll go
42:38don't even think about her waddle promise by gun Georgia
42:42I feel like some of the people here are looking at me different
42:54like I'm nasty or something and you like that I do
43:02do you think this rabbi guy could work out I doubt it and even if it did
43:06he'd probably make me convert and you never do that and give up Christmas oh oh I gotta go I gotta go meet Renee
43:15I'm hardening up aren't I I kicked that poop lady's butt I told a dirty joke on stage
43:21I think I am ready to be released into the real world don't you
43:27I'm hardening up yep
43:30here's to the hard you
43:38oh if I'd only see
43:45that the joke was on me
43:53that the joke was on me
43:55it's