King Of The Hill Season 2 Episode 7 The Man Who Shot Cane Skretteberg
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00:00Hey, wait a minute. There. One of the leaves just moved.
00:13You're shoving it with the nozzle, Bill.
00:16Well, that's what you get for buying a Japanese leaf blower.
00:21It's built for blowing those little bonsai bushes and cherry blossoms.
00:26For crying out loud, it's 5.30. Will you punks turn off that record maker?
00:34It's called a leaf blower, Pops. Runs on a newfangled device called the gasoline engine.
00:43What the hell's wrong with using a rake, you lazy punks?
00:48A rake, you say? I never heard of a rake. Have you, Bill?
00:53Uh, nope. Must have been before our time.
00:57Yeah, man. I tell you what, man. I seen a dang old rake over there.
01:01A Smithsonian man that's right next to Lincoln's head.
01:05That arched chair, man. That dang old caveman section.
01:08Don't you cuss at me, Jimmy Dean. I'll set my dog on you.
01:12See ya, Pops.
01:20Keep watching Touched by an Angel.
01:22See ya, Bill.
01:23See ya, Bill.
01:33See ya, Bill.
01:45Here comes the shut-in, lucky kid.
02:06The doctor says getting chicken pox at the age of 12
02:10could cause sterility in weaker children.
02:13My Joseph better not be sterile.
02:17I need my seed to live on.
02:21Certain plans of mine require additional dribbles.
02:26Bobby, I'm proud of you.
02:29Getting over the chicken pox is a milestone.
02:31So to celebrate, you can do anything you want.
02:36How about we go to the Family Fun Center?
02:40Hey, the Family Fun Center.
02:44They have go-karts and ski-ball and mini golf.
02:52I like their blood pressure machine.
02:56Can we, Dad?
02:57Oh, boy, there goes that rock band again.
03:06Ugh, that's not rock.
03:09It's okay if you only know three chords, but, God, put them in the right order.
03:14That noise has been giving Nancy headaches all week.
03:18Then yesterday, her back broke out in scratch marks.
03:22Well, I'll go over and straighten them out.
03:44Ugh, yuck.
03:46I wonder if that music is what killed this grass.
03:54Uh, fellas, could I have your attention, please?
04:00Wow!
04:01Kane Scrediburg!
04:03You're that 12th grader who put tone on all the stop signs.
04:08Peace.
04:09Wow.
04:10Fellas, my name is Hank Hill, and I'm the block captain.
04:14Now, it's not that I don't like music.
04:17It's just that I don't like music.
04:19I don't like music.
04:21Hey, now cut that out.
04:23This is serious.
04:25Oh, my Lord.
04:27You've got five plugs and one outlet here.
04:31Does your father know you're doing this?
04:34My dad's dead.
04:36Oh.
04:37I'm sorry I didn't know.
04:39My, uh, condolences.
04:41Does your mother know you're doing this?
04:44My mom's in prison for killing my dad.
04:48Okay, I get it.
04:50You're joking.
04:51Well, I've got a sense of humor.
04:53I laugh at Tony Danza.
04:55Of course, if you aren't joking, I feel bad and I apologize.
04:59I laugh at Tony Danza.
05:01I laugh at Tony Danza.
05:03I laugh at Tony Danza.
05:05All right, that's it.
05:07I'm going to count to three.
05:09One, two, three.
05:12I'm not horsing around here.
05:17Lucky for you, I don't have time for this right now.
05:21Come on, Bobby.
05:22Let's go to the fun center.
05:24Fun center, fun center, fun center, fun center, fun center, fun center, fun center.
05:35please dad can we please play paintball now hold on a minute let's see they give you kids guns
06:02and let you shoot at each other yeah okay
06:06kids will be out there an hour or two we can get in some nice relax all guy
06:21dad these older guys corner us in a hole and they kept firing and firing
06:38they made us eat leaves what who did this to you
06:47kane scredeberg yeah i'm a singer got my own band playing next week at the parking ride
06:57wow this is a really good xerox of you
07:02hey you what is wrong with you picking on little kids like that
07:08how would you like it if someone bigger and stronger shot you up you little freak
07:14kane scredeberg has never been shot yeah and the first guy to do it's not going to be some fat old
07:21desk jockey desk jockey hey i am a finely tuned x high school athlete i spent four years holding
07:31guys like you upside down over toilets i don't care how many guys you held in the men's room
07:38you still can't beat us what do you say you want to teach some punks little respect
07:44oh yeah very little
07:47okay your goal is to capture the blue flag from over there
07:54and bring it back here when you get hit you're dead
07:57all right men let's paint some ass
08:02i think we're closing in on them only talk if you have something important to say
08:13okay
08:13hey oh i got some important news in the mail this morning did you know that thanks to colonial valley
08:23i can purchase term life insurance for only pennies a month
08:28boy i'm glad i opened that immediately
08:30you gonna do it bill i can't afford not to
08:34this is it guys everybody hunker down
08:40okay man this is no time to go easy on these punks
08:51that's the mistake their parents made hey they're over here
08:55i heard the bald guy split his pants
08:57drop your weapons or suffer the consequences
09:00what we lost the game already march prisoners now wait a minute no one told us anything about
09:14prisoners where's that damn ref oh attention golfers we have captured your comrades
09:23hey hank hey keep your eyes on the ball
09:28nothing going on here just teaching some punks a lesson
09:33that's my dad
09:35on your knees prisoners
09:37it's the rules you're not cheaters are you
09:43these kind of games go back and forth like basketball
09:53they're in the lead now but we're coming back
09:57wait a minute you can't just execute my man
10:06later pops
10:08pops
10:10god how humiliating
10:23later pops
10:38tune in
10:53oh
10:54uh
10:54uh
10:55afternoon everybody
10:56uh
11:00who wants cold one you want
11:03cold one that's a cold one shit or cold
11:07That sure is cold, all right.
11:11Maybe I should have brought mittens.
11:29How long are we going to keep up this false charade?
11:34Charade, man, I tell you who it is, what are the words for that charade?
11:41I need a cold one.
11:43You want a cold one? Here's a cold one for you, here's a cold one for you, here's a cold one for you.
11:50I hope you're all happy. There's no cold ones left for me.
11:55Open up your eyes, man. You're holding a beer.
11:59Oh, you call this beer? Guatemala?
12:02Mollica? Who bought this stuff?
12:05Not me.
12:07Course not. Bill, buy a beer. No need to do that when you got friends to mooch off of.
12:13Hey, hey, hey, some friends you are.
12:16When my wife left me because I was lazy and dependent, did even one of you find me a new one? No.
12:22Stop it, stop it, stop it. I can't stand fighting.
12:28Yeah, we know that. You showed that on the paintball field.
12:31I am not a coward.
12:36No.
12:37I ain't a bully, man, yo.
12:50Ah, what are you doing?
12:53I'm helping Bobby look like Kane.
12:55He's so cool. He said I could be the stubborn stains as groupie.
13:00The word is roadie, Bobby.
13:03He meant roadie.
13:06At least a hope to God.
13:08Oh, Hank, for goodness sake, just put on your glasses.
13:20Only old people need glasses to read.
13:24I use mine to drive and run and jump.
13:28Hank, I am giving you a look.
13:38Uh, okay.
13:41Okay.
13:58Oh, honey, oh.
14:04One, two, three.
14:10Oh, oh, oh.
14:16Oh, oh, oh, oh.
14:25Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
14:27Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
14:57Oh, oh, oh, oh.
15:00What is it?
15:01Those kids, I can't take it anymore.
15:05So tell them to knock it off.
15:07Who, me?
15:08I, I've already got my slippers off.
15:13Maybe you should tell them.
15:16Hank, have you forgotten who you are?
15:19You are Hank freaking Hill,
15:22the man who won the Texas Propane Association
15:25association blue flame of valor award the man who drove raccoon after raccoon out of our attic
15:32armed only with a broom handle and a pillowcase and the man whose sperm struggled through that
15:38tiny urethra god cursed you with to create our wonderful son now you go back out there and get
15:45yourself a rematch you really think we could beat him this time well i know a few raccoons who'd say
15:55hank hill can do anything he puts his mind to uh anything
16:01dad the raccoons are back
16:12rematch i thought we agreed never to discuss the horrors that we saw on the killing fields of
16:21the fun center this is not over we're not losers and we're not quitters those paintballs really
16:29hurt don't they i mean i'm just saying what everybody thinks right the way i see it we're
16:37at a critical moment here is this when we start turning into the weird old guys of the block who
16:44can't open up their doors without finding a flaming fudge bag on the mat or do we fight back
16:52what do you think we should fight or we fight back a lot hard too
16:58rematch tomorrow noon if you got any guts you'll be there sorry pops my car broke down
17:23rematch tomorrow noon if you got any guts you'll be there
17:36well at least this time one of us got a shot off sorry bill
17:55can we turn the last one down
18:02and we turn the last one down
18:07hiding behind the backstand
18:10mm-hmm
18:11yeper
18:13yep
18:15Yep.
18:18Yep.
18:21Yes, sir.
18:22Then it's agreed.
18:25We're old.
18:27I'll get used to it.
18:29You're in for the downhill ride of your life.
18:33Hey, you know, with Colonial Valley, you can get $40,000 in stroke coverage just for signing up.
18:40Well, that's not chump change.
18:42Yeah, and you can never be denied coverage based on what you eat.
18:48Well, I guess I better check this out.
18:51It's never too early to think about dying.
18:56Somebody needs a touch-up.
19:03Those damn kids.
19:06We said we were old.
19:07What do they want from us?
19:09No, it's just kids having their fun, Hank.
19:13Don't try to figure them out.
19:16They can't be figured.
19:17Just shake your fist at them like this.
19:21They won't come back.
19:22All right, ladies!
19:35Oh!
19:38I thought you said they wouldn't come back.
19:40Hey, if I could understand teenagers, I wouldn't get in my mailbox knocked over every week.
19:48Hmm.
19:49Hey, maybe that's it.
19:51Well, what's it?
19:52If we don't want to end up feeble and helpless like Pops, we've got to do what he never did.
20:01Understand the mind of a teenager.
20:05Observe its habits.
20:06Learn its ways.
20:08That's how we beat those punks.
20:11Yeah!
20:12Yeah!
20:12Who's Pops?
20:29Teenagers can be so cruel.
20:32Okay, pimples, hop on up.
20:38Buckley, I'm going to Kane's concert as his special guest, not his girlfriend.
20:44Oh, I don't know.
20:45I don't trust this guy.
20:47Well, if you're so worried, come with me.
20:51Kane told me to bring a friend for the drummer.
20:54Oh, you mean it?
20:55Oh, stock boy.
21:00We need some sugar in aisle three.
21:04Uh-huh.
21:04Oh, snap!
21:10Teenagers are clumsy around girls.
21:14Hey, jerk-wad, you sprayed poison on my veggie wrap.
21:31Teenagers show no respect for a man in uniform.
21:38Hey, Pops, how did you know to find us here?
21:42Well, it's a school day, isn't it?
21:44So, you ready for a fresh coat?
21:48You boys seem pretty sure of yourselves.
21:51Maybe you'd like to put a little wager on today's match.
21:55Well, what do you have in mind?
21:58Let's make the stakes high for both of us.
22:01You put up your amplifier, and I'll put up Bill's leaf blower.
22:07All right.
22:08You got a deal.
22:11Guys, guys, where are you?
22:36Oh, I twisted my ankle.
22:41Time out!
22:43Time out, everyone!
22:47Guys, seriously, I give up.
22:50Don't shoot, Uncle.
22:52You were right, Bill.
23:07Teenagers are cruel.
23:09They'll pick on the slowest, heaviest.
23:12Well, the important thing is you were right, Bill.
23:16I still don't see why I had to be the decoy.
23:19Oh, you were going to get shot anyway.
23:23Still.
23:26Hi, it's Luan.
23:28How you doing?
23:29What, me?
23:31Leave a message after the beep.
23:35Beep.
23:37Beep.
23:38Beep.
23:41Beep.
23:42Beep.
23:43Beep.
23:45Ah, man, they got to watch that friendly fire.
23:48Man, you're going to look back and frag me like a dang old dick.
23:51Ah, I can't help it.
23:54They trained me too well.
23:56I am the most efficient killing machine the world has ever.
24:01Ow.
24:01Three down and...
24:06One to go.
24:08Hey!
24:09I'm the most efficient one.
24:10I'm the most efficient one.
24:11I'm the most efficient one.
24:12I'm the most efficient one.
24:13I'm the most efficient one.
24:14I'm the most efficient one.
24:15I'm the most efficient one.
24:16I'm the most efficient one.
24:17I'm the most efficient one.
24:18I'm the most efficient one.
24:19I'm the most efficient one.
24:20I'm the most efficient one.
24:21I'm the most efficient one.
24:22I'm the most efficient one.
24:23I'm the most efficient one.
24:24I'm the most efficient one.
24:25I'm the most efficient one.
24:26I'm the most efficient one.
24:27I'm the most efficient one.
24:28I'm the most efficient one.
24:29I'm the most efficient one.
24:30I'm the most efficient one.
24:31I'm the most efficient one.
24:32I'm the most efficient one.
24:33Hey, did you see some pot-bellied old guy with loser glasses come huffing past here?
24:44Uh, sure. He's traveling up the creek bed to cover his tracks.
24:51Oh, and, uh, young fella, you lose.
25:03Hey, his scoop's bigger.
25:07I think you're gonna enjoy the world of acoustics.
25:33This sucks!
25:37Who could that be?
25:41Good lord! That could start a fire!
25:50Now what's happening?
25:53He's stomping it good.
25:56And there's doodies in there, right?
25:58There sure is, pups. There sure is.
26:03Ooh, ooh.
26:06Ooh, ooh.
26:09Ooh, ooh.
26:11Wow, wow.
26:12Let's do this tomorrow.
26:14It's okay.
26:16There's big, big, big, big.
26:17So here we go.
26:19See you at the looks of the corner.
26:21I can still see you at the looks of the beat all the way we've got.
26:26And that's family.
26:28I can still see you at the looks of the curve.
26:30See you at the looks of the hautcars.