King Of The Hill Season 2 Episode 20 Junkie Business
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00:30And the employee of the month is...
00:45Ah, looky here.
00:46I'm sorry folks, my breakfast burritos fiction say adios.
00:51What say we finish this ceremony in my back office?
00:55Oh, that's sweet.
00:58Our employee of the month is Hank Hill. Congratulations Hank, that's 41 times in a row.
01:05Uh, thank you sir. I wish you could see the expression on my face.
01:11Okie doke.
01:12But you can't.
01:13Meeting adjourned y'all.
01:19Oh, oh, hey, one more thing Hank.
01:22We need to hire a new assistories associate.
01:27Well, I'll put together a short list of candidates for you.
01:31Nah, you're the quarterback at this panty raid.
01:34You make the pick.
01:35You want me to choose the next member of Team Strickland?
01:40Well, this is a heck of an honor, Buck.
01:43Don't let me down, Hank.
01:44You do, it'll be like spittin' in my face 41 times in a row.
01:48Are you married?
01:58My wife passed away two years ago.
02:02That's good, Bobby. Keep throwing me curveballs.
02:05Ask another one.
02:07Well, here's one that gets at the heart of the matter.
02:11We're all Christians here.
02:14How about you?
02:15Hank, you can't ask that question in an interview.
02:18It's against the law.
02:20You can't ask about age, race, religion, or sexual affiliation.
02:24Well, it's a legal equivalent of asking a woman how much she weighs.
02:28Why don't you just hire me, Dad?
02:31That's good, son. Keep throwing those curveballs.
02:36If you could eat at Lulee's with one of the following, would it be
02:41A. Jesus
02:44B. Muhammad
02:47C. Golda Meir
02:50Ah, I don't eat at Lulee's. They use lard.
02:54Hmm.
02:56Okay.
02:58Uh, Mr. Harrington, you seem to have a few gaps here in your work history.
03:03Well, 33 to 45, FDR was in the White House, so I was on the welfare, you know.
03:14And in the 60s, you had Kennedy and LBJ, so I was on the welfare.
03:22And then from 77 to 81, Jimmy Carter, so I was on the welfare.
03:29Dale, what are you doing here?
03:34I have killed all the bugs in Ireland.
03:37It is time for me to take on new challenges.
03:41My resume.
03:44A.
03:481984 to present.
03:50Ribble and Sons Propane, Yuma, Arizona?
03:54Dale, I've known you since we were in first grade.
03:58You don't know me. I am unknowable.
04:05Mario Montalvo?
04:09My name is Maria.
04:11Oh, my.
04:12Heh.
04:13I'm terribly sorry.
04:14Uh, you have to understand, this job requires a certain comfort level with barbecues, so I just assumed this was a typo.
04:23Uh, let me double check.
04:25Mario?
04:26Well, there is no man named Mario, there is only I, a woman named Maria.
04:31Huh.
04:32Well, how do you like that?
04:34Heh.
04:35As I walked through your accessories department, I could not help noticing you feature the Wagner Char King.
04:41You know about the king?
04:42Dual side grills, three center racks, 35,000 BT use of propane powered fury.
04:50As an accessories associate, it is my job to know.
04:54Well, uh, your qualifications are impressive, but I do have one last puzzler.
05:02Heh.
05:03Ms. Montalvo, you're at the Troy Aikman Fantasy Sports Camp.
05:07It's the toughest 14 days you'll ever love, and on the bus ride home...
05:13Excuse me.
05:14Who's Troy Aikman?
05:15On the one hand, she booted the Aikman question, on the other, she knew about the Char King.
05:25Wh-when you say she...
05:27Are you talking about a woman?
05:29Yes, Bill.
05:31Maria Montalvo.
05:33Maria Montalvo?
05:36I worked with her in Arizona.
05:38She's no damn good.
05:40Yeah, well, these days, you gotta be careful about working with a girl.
05:44Hey.
05:45Woman.
05:46Why, in the army, you can get in big trouble for harassing a woman.
05:50Even if you're her superior officer.
05:53Yeah, man, I tell you what, man, you go to work with a woman nowadays, man, you gotta pull up a dude like a Kathleen Willis slick willy, man.
06:00A dang old Willis wonk, wonk, wonk, wonk, wonk, wonk, wonk.
06:03Well, she's more qualified than any other applicant, but that only goes so far.
06:08I mean, what are we gonna talk about?
06:12Our feelings?
06:13Peggy, there's something I've gotta tell you.
06:20I interviewed a woman today, and apparently she's very handsome.
06:27She's also extremely well qualified and sharp as a tack, but don't worry, I'm not gonna hire her.
06:35Why would I worry?
06:36I feel for her.
06:37If people had been afraid to hire me because I'm pretty and smart, I would have never gotten where I am today.
06:44I just don't know what the rules are anymore, Peggy.
06:49If Bob Cecil made a big sale, I could give him a pat on the back or something.
06:55How can I do that with Maria Montalvo?
06:59Oh, please, honey, women are nothing to be afraid of.
07:04Just give her a hug.
07:06Just put your arms around her like this.
07:09I don't know, Peg. What if she gets her cheek up against mine like this?
07:15Hmm.
07:16Well, in that case, you can just start to struggle politely like this.
07:39I'll keep your resume on file, Ms. Montalvo.
07:55Hi, I came about your ad.
07:57My name's Leon Pitard.
07:59Hey, Cowboy's all right.
08:01Leon, you just answered my first six questions.
08:05There's just one more thing I'd like to know.
08:08What do you think of propane?
08:11Well, sir, phew, I probably shouldn't say this because it sounds kind of crazy.
08:17But after God, country, and family, what I love most is propane and propane paraphernalia.
08:26Son, if that's crazy, you've just walked into a funny farm.
08:32Welcome to the team.
08:36Leon's perfect, Peggy.
08:38He's like Bobby without all that stuff Bobby does.
08:42Yeah, but what about that woman you were gonna hire?
08:45You said she was the most qualified of the whole bunch.
08:48Oh, you don't have to worry about that.
08:50I passed her over.
08:52So you were attracted to her.
08:56What?
08:57Oh, you must think she's one hot tamale if you couldn't even stand to have her in the office.
09:03Peggy, I didn't hire her.
09:05She's gone.
09:06I'll never see her again.
09:07Uh-huh.
09:08Except when you close your eyes and kiss me, right?
09:10Is that what you're saying?
09:11Should I use another thing?
09:13Um-hum, hmm...
09:16Hmm...
09:18Hmm...
09:20Hmm...
09:22Uh-hmm...
09:34Huh?
09:35Leon, where have you been?
09:40You're over three hours late.
09:42I wasn't late. I was early.
09:44I got here at...
09:46What time did we open?
09:48Eight o'clock.
09:49Yeah, I got here at seven and you weren't here,
09:52so I wanted to get some coffee, right?
09:54But the waitress, it turns out her dog was sick,
09:58so I thought, hey, if I take her dog to the vet,
10:02she might buy some propane.
10:05You know, from us.
10:07So there's this line at the vet because of this farm accident?
10:11They're trying to keep it quiet.
10:12She might not hear about it.
10:15But here I am with a customer's dog and I just can't leave her,
10:20so I promise I'll never come to work early again.
10:25Well, that sure is a long story.
10:29Yeah, that's how you know it's true.
10:31So let's sell some gas.
10:33Yes. Team Strictly rules.
10:36Woo!
10:45We work as a team here at Strickland.
10:48There are 15 of us, counting you.
10:5115, wow.
10:51What's this thing called again?
10:53Uh, actually, I haven't told you about this grill yet, Leon.
10:57It's called the Wagner Char King, and it's the crown jewel.
11:02Yes, sir, Char King, I remember.
11:03It's almost lunchtime, right?
11:05Well, it's getting close, I guess.
11:09Great, great, great, great.
11:09Hey, it's the Char King.
11:23Hey.
11:24Hey, Leon, you might want to unwrap that sandwich now.
11:46Lunch has been over for about 20 minutes.
11:49Okay, Coach.
11:52Fire con dears.
11:55Uh, okay, then.
12:01Hey, Hank, how's your new hire doing?
12:04Oh, I just think he's gonna work out great, sir.
12:08Yeah, well, I could have sworn I saw him over by the trucks puking his guts out.
12:14Well, he's pretty excited about working in propane, sir.
12:19Uh, but once he sells his first grill, those highs and lows will smooth out.
12:25Well, I hope they do.
12:26Remember, Hank, he's wearing the name Strickland over his man-teat.
12:30T-Man?
12:40Oh.
12:41Strickland propane, taste the heat, not the meat.
12:45Lord, no!
12:47Uh, hello, hello?
12:49Oh, uh, hello, Ms. Shattuck.
12:51I want to sincerely apologize.
12:54Our slogan is taste the meat, not the heat.
12:58I hope our error has not inconvenienced you, and, uh...
13:03Uh-huh.
13:04Well, I hope in the future you'll be a customer again.
13:10Taste the meat, not the heat.
13:12Taste the meat, not the heat.
13:15Meat, heat, meat, heat.
13:18Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
13:22Fans of Mexican soap operas know him as the evil Monsignor Martinez, but off-screen, this
13:29man of the cloth makes cloth into his own line of casual pants.
13:36Bobby, how would you like to help me out around the shop for a few days?
13:40I can't pay you, but you can have all the snacks you want.
13:45We've got fruit pies, pretzels, all kinds of newtons.
13:49You had me at fruit pies.
13:58Leon, this is Bobby.
13:59He's gonna be helping you out today.
14:02Oh, that's great, that's great, because I am just bursting with ideas right now.
14:09Okay, listen up.
14:10I got a whole new filing plan.
14:14Let's go, let's go, let's go.
14:15Oh, God.
14:20There's more files here than there are stars in the universe.
14:25This would go a lot faster if you helped.
14:29I can't do this.
14:30You do it.
14:31What's the matter, Bobby?
14:42You haven't even touched your marrow.
14:44I have to do all the work because Dad's new employee is a drug addict.
14:49Now, Bobby, Leon's a little slow on the draw, but that doesn't mean he's on drugs.
14:54You gotta trust me on this.
14:57When you've heard as many former athletes lecture at your school as I have, you get to know all the signs.
15:04Wait.
15:05You hired a drug addict instead of that beautiful Chicana.
15:09My God, Hank.
15:11How badly did you want that woman?
15:13Now, just hold on here.
15:15Leon's credentials are top-notch, even if they are from the non-profit sector.
15:20Six months at Helping Hands Institute, one year at Covenant Place.
15:26Those are detox centers.
15:28Centers?
15:30No, look right here.
15:31Institute.
15:33Place.
15:33Uncle Hank, you're in denial.
15:38Yeah, Dad.
15:39You're what Too Tall Jones called a codependent enabler.
15:43Well, Leon does do a lot of vomiting, even for a new employee.
15:52Now, Miss Trothborn, with our new electronic debit system, you never even have to check your bill.
16:00Oh, my.
16:01That does sound convenient.
16:04Uh-huh.
16:05We take the money right out of your account.
16:08Oh.
16:10What in the Sam Hill?
16:12Oh, no.
16:13This is your new accessories, associate?
16:17Jeez, Hank, he's a drooling in-kapoo.
16:20Don't worry, sir.
16:21He's as good as gone.
16:23Well, make sure you don't disgruntle him.
16:26We don't want him showing up tomorrow morning punching the clock with a .45.
16:30You know, Leon, maybe you don't have the tools that an accessories associate needs.
16:46You need to find a job you can do with your tools.
16:50I've got a ratchet set I haven't pawned yet.
16:53Yep, yeah, a lot of things you can do with a good ratchet set.
16:58Maybe you can work on trucks.
17:01Wow.
17:02I don't know what to say.
17:05Hank, as you're a new chief mechanic, what I'd like to do first is fire Enrique.
17:10Leon, what I'm trying to say is you're a drug user, and there's no place for you at Strickland Propane.
17:19As of five o'clock, you're fired.
17:22Oh, no.
17:23Here.
17:24It's a rehab center.
17:26Son, why don't you take the rest of the afternoon off and get yourself some help?
17:41Leon's in the parking lot, and he looks disgruntled.
17:45I had to die!
17:46Oh, he's right there!
17:48Oh!
17:56I'm sorry I have to do this, coach.
18:04Hello, Mr. Hill.
18:06Anthony Page, group leader, One Last Chance House.
18:09Are you aware that you hired a drug addict?
18:12I am now.
18:13That's why I fired him.
18:15Oh, yeah.
18:16You're in trouble, all right.
18:18It's against the law to fire this man.
18:20He's a drug addict.
18:23Are you sure you don't want to shoot me?
18:26Thanks for the latte, Leon.
18:32You have to rehire this man, Mr. Hill.
18:36Legally, drug addiction is a disability.
18:38And now that Leon's in rehab, the law prohibits you from firing him.
18:43Rehab?
18:44Since when?
18:45Since 4.30 yesterday afternoon.
18:48And I wasn't officially fired till 5.
18:52This is the Americans with Disabilities Act.
18:57It ensures that no person, no matter how disadvantaged, how short or obese or blind or gay or even stoned,
19:06can be discriminated against once his healing has begun.
19:10Yeah, well, right now I'd kill for a big, fat, blind gay guy if we could just get some damn work done around here.
19:17Can't believe this.
19:19Well, I may be stuck with you, but you're stuck with me, too.
19:23And there's gonna be some changes around here.
19:26You will be here at 8 sharp from now on.
19:308?
19:32Uh, Anthony?
19:33Mm-mm.
19:348's not gonna work for Leon.
19:35He's got withdrawal therapy until 11.
19:38But then I take my methadone, so I should be feeling pretty good by the time I get here.
19:43What?
19:44I'm not gonna let you come to work late, all hopped up on goofin' fall.
19:50And he'll need to have the lights dimmed.
19:53His pupils will be dilating pretty big by 12.30.
19:57What kind of game are you trying to play here?
20:00It's not a game, sir.
20:03It's the law.
20:04And we win.
20:06Woo!
20:10Let's see.
20:11Any company with 15 employees or more must make reasonable accommodations for their disabled workers.
20:19I can't believe I'm getting hogtied by a dope freak.
20:24Well, of course you could have hired Maria Montalvo.
20:27Well, the only accommodation she would have needed from you was a slobber guard.
20:31Now, if you can get her off your mind for two seconds, maybe we can get some sleep.
20:38Oh, God.
20:39Now, please.
20:48That's great.
20:50I'm gonna go throw up now, Coach.
20:53Hank, I got a bone to pick with you.
20:57How come Jimmy Hendricks gets a futon in his workstation?
21:00Because he's disabled, Joe Jack.
21:04It's all there in the fine print.
21:06Come on, you've got propane to haul.
21:09But, honey, I'm too mad to drive a truck.
21:12It's almost like my anger is...
21:14...handicapping me.
21:17Joe Jack?
21:18Customer?
21:24Jason, can you get that?
21:27Sorry, Hank.
21:28I suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder.
21:31If I get out of this chair, Garth Brooks is gonna die.
21:34Joe Jack, can you get that customer?
21:40Much too angry, honey.
21:43Melinda, a little help, please?
21:45Ugh!
21:46Too bloated!
21:48Ah, heck, I'll do it myself.
21:56What the heck is going on here?
21:59Shh.
22:00It's Leon.
22:02Now all my employees want in on that damn Americans with Disabilities Act.
22:07She shushed me.
22:08Debbie's got the yuppie flu, and Hector claims he has something called priapism.
22:14He wants a roomier workstation and a view of Debbie.
22:19Nobody shushes me.
22:21Hank, you cannot stand by while these greedy pigs suck the life out of Strickland Propane.
22:26Anybody's disabled if you think hard enough.
22:33Hey, if we catch this guy doing drugs on the job, we can fire him.
22:39So, here's the deal.
22:40Put on your fancy clothes, hop a Greyhound to Dallas, and buy every pill, pipe, powder you can find.
22:48See, spread the stuff around like roach traps, and we'll get that boy hooked again.
22:55With all due respect, sir, I have a better plan.
23:00Hello, Mr. Hill.
23:01I came as quick as I could.
23:02From your message, it sounded as if you'd become the victim of some kind of discrimination.
23:07That's right, Anthony.
23:09You see, I recently came to realize that I, too, suffer from a disability.
23:15It's called GWS, Good Worker Syndrome.
23:21I get sick to my stomach unless everyone around me is given 110%.
23:27The symptoms include pride, responsibility, and a feverish enthusiasm.
23:33It used to be a common condition among Americans.
23:38Ew.
23:39People like you, who abuse the system, ruin it for the rest of us.
23:44They're truly disabled.
23:47I'm leaving.
23:49Call me if he gives you any more trouble, Leon.
23:51Don't call me Leon anymore.
23:53That's the name I use drugs with.
23:56From now on, I want to be called...
23:59Hank Hill.
24:02No.
24:03No, that's too far.
24:05I cannot accommodate that.
24:07I won't.
24:08It's not up to you, Hank.
24:10It's up to Hank.
24:12This man is not your slave.
24:14You don't get to name him.
24:16All right, Hank, get yourself a bus ticket to Dallas.
24:19I hate to do this, but you leave me no choice.
24:22There's only room for one Hank Hill at Strickland Propane.
24:27I quit.
24:28What?
24:29What am I going to do now?
24:31Whatever you want, Buck.
24:33With me gone, you're down to 14 employees.
24:36And that makes this your business, not the government's.
24:40Huh?
24:41I...
24:42Wait.
24:44Hot dang Hank, you done it!
24:47Thank you, sir.
24:48Not you.
24:49You're fired.
24:49Now, Strickland's just small enough to skirt the law.
24:58Y'all get back to work.
25:00Debbie, you just lie right there.
25:02Well, son, you pulled our wieners out of the campfire just in time.
25:13Well, I guess I did, Buck.
25:15Yeah.
25:15So, let's get this over with, Hank.
25:17Where do you see yourself in five years?
25:20Proudly serving as assistant manager of Strickland Propane.
25:25Welcome back, son.
25:26You're rehired.
25:28After a six-month probation period, you will be eligible for vacation and benefits.
25:34Probation?
25:35Oh, yeah.
25:36You gotta understand my position here.
25:38The last couple of Hank Hills I had, one of them was a druggo.
25:42The other quit on me.
25:43Oh, hey.
25:45Say, howdy to our new accessories associate.
25:51I am so happy to be working with you, Hank.
25:59Peggy's in the parking lot.
26:01She looks disgruntled.
26:05Are we starting a recycling program?
26:26Uh, not, not as such, no.
26:30Oh, it's, well, uh, it's for, uh, uh, have you ever been to the doctor and the doctor gave you a cup?
26:39Yes, but that was to pee in.
26:42Ha, ha, yeah.
26:46You can go now.
26:47Hank, if you don't give me another cup, the Oak Ridge boys are gonna die.
26:52Oh, no.
26:53Oh, no.
26:53Oh, no.