Bank robbers (Arte Johnson, Avery Schreiber) come while the Dukes, Rosco, Enos, Boss and a stranger are quarantined for plague.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00The Dukes are coming in for another landing.
00:10Couldn't keep away from me, huh, gorgeous?
00:13Young lady, you are in a pack of trouble.
00:18I've got claustrophobia!
00:19Is that catching, Sheriff?
00:25Gee, these people are crazy.
00:27I hope you weren't too inconvenienced, ma'am.
00:29I'm coming at you.
00:35Just a good old boy
00:37Never meaning no harm
00:40Beats all you never saw
00:44Been in trouble with the law since the day they was born
00:47Straightening the curves
00:51Flatening the hills
00:54Someday in the mountain I did them
00:59But the law never will
01:00Making their way
01:04The only way they know how
01:06That's just a little bit more
01:11Than the law will allow
01:13Just a good old boy
01:16Wouldn't change if they could
01:19Fighting the system like a true modern-day Robin Hood
01:26There ain't no place where one little thing can lead to a multiple catastrophe
01:35Like it can in Hazard County
01:38Who was that guy?
01:44Don't make no difference
01:46Teach him some manners
01:47All right
01:48Well, that's showing them, Bo
02:00You know, I knew you were gonna say that
02:17I'm telling you, Bo
02:32I got a close-up look at it
02:33And it's the same car
02:34So I suppose you're gonna tell me it's in here, right?
02:42Now you start with a little bumping on a Hazard County road
02:45Then go to the boar's nest
02:47Add a stranger or two
02:49That look like they're up to no good
02:51And a lot of spice
02:53Mix in a little sugar
02:55And watch out
02:56What'd he look like?
02:57He looked mean and ugly
02:58That covers just about everybody in here
03:00Except me
03:01Well, I'd know him if I saw him again
03:03Good luck
03:05Hey, you all going to the costume clogged dance party tomorrow night?
03:08Daisy, we ain't got time for that
03:09We got a race
03:10Oh, it's the biggest dance all year, fellas
03:12It's the only dance all year
03:13Wait till you see what I'm wearing
03:15Short and fantastic
03:17I'm going as a circus bareback rider
03:19Hey, baby
03:19I'd like to be your horse
03:21Well, okay, sugar
03:23As soon as I find the front end
03:25Ain't that him?
03:27I don't take no dirt from a barmaid
03:29That's him
03:49Oh, come on
03:53All right
03:54All right
03:56Enos
03:59Hush
04:01Well, now she's the one that started this whole thing
04:04She's grabbing her
04:05Now, you see what you've done?
04:10Now, you're under arrest for grabbing at her
04:13And you two are under arrest
04:15And you two are under arrest
04:15For swinging first
04:16Enos
04:17Read them their rights
04:18What, Scott?
04:19You dumb dipstick
04:20You soaked me to that
04:22One, y'all have the right
04:23To remain silent
04:24Enos, they'll be out on bail
04:27Before you finish with that
04:28Just arrest them
04:28Get them out of here
04:30Step one, Stanley
04:40One, y'all have the right
04:41One, y'all have the right
04:42One, y'all have the right
04:43One, y'all have the right
04:44One, y'all have the right
04:45One, y'all have the right
04:46One, y'all have the right
04:47One, y'all have the right
04:48Two hundred dollars
04:49Besides being the county commissioner
04:51Moss Hogg is also the justice of the peace
04:54That's kind of like having a goat
04:56Guard the cabbage patch, ain't it?
04:57Sorry you made a bill for them boys
04:59Seeing the Duke behind bars
05:01Is my favorite form of entertainment
05:03Well, good morning
05:10I want to thank you boys
05:11Thank us
05:12For making my sunset year so stimulating
05:15Now, you take this morning for instance
05:19I got up and was going over
05:21And paid Jason Higgins my two hundred dollar mortgage payment
05:25But lo and behold
05:26Instead of making my mortgage payment
05:29I find myself in here paying your bail
05:32Want to guess how much?
05:34Two hundred?
05:35Two hundred dollars
05:36Now we gotta go over to the bank
05:38Take out what we got left
05:39And make that payment
05:40Come on
05:41Now, don't you do
05:43Scroll leave the country
05:44Before a trial
05:45Hold on up there
05:47I love it, I love it
05:47Ain't nobody going nowhere
05:49Who's that?
05:50That's Doc Petticore
05:51He's down there with that Colt fella
05:53Hey, that's the guy
05:54That these two boys beat the pudding out
05:56Roscoe, I want you to make sure nobody leaves here
06:05What are you doing here, Doc?
06:07Tending the sick, Jesse
06:08What the hell else do I do?
06:10Come on, Doc
06:11I didn't hit him that hard
06:12Now, listen
06:13Everybody listen good
06:14I don't want to start a panic
06:16But this sure looks like some kind of plague
06:19Plague?
06:21Until I know more
06:22As county health officer
06:23I'm declaring this jail
06:25And everybody in it
06:26Quarantined
06:27Quarantined?
06:30I'm just a lovable old country doctor
06:32And I ain't had me a good epidemic
06:34Since the hog collar of 43
06:36And that was mostly pigs
06:37But this
06:38This sure looks like
06:40Mnemonic or bubonic plague
06:42For?
06:45If I don't get that mortgage payment
06:47To Jason Higgins before midnight
06:49We lose it
06:52And to think
06:53This all got started
06:54Cause
06:54This jackass
06:56Wanted to be a horse for Daisy
06:57Step two
07:17Stanley
07:18What do you reckon
07:20Them two are up to?
07:22Anyway
07:23A little later
07:24Roscoe
07:26I can't stand this anymore
07:28You working out of my office
07:30Besides
07:31They gotta find me
07:31A decent place to sleep
07:33In this pigsty
07:34You call a jail
07:35These accommodations stink
07:37Well, boss
07:40They're supposed to stink
07:41See
07:41This is the jail
07:42We work at that
07:43Roscoe
07:44I wish
07:45I just wish
07:47You would use your head
07:49For something other
07:50Than a handy place
07:51To hang your teeth
07:52Oh
07:53Uh
07:54Well listen boss
07:55There's two cells downstairs
07:56But that sick guy's in one
07:58And the dukes are in the other
07:59Well then I'll sleep up here
08:00I ain't sleeping downstairs
08:02With a criminal element
08:03Well
08:03Where are you gonna sleep up here?
08:05Hmm?
08:06Hmm
08:07How about there?
08:10Oh
08:11You
08:11Well you
08:12You mean
08:12This old cell?
08:14Well they haven't used that
08:15For 75 years
08:17This is where they used to put the guy
08:19Just before they
08:20Hang him
08:20Sounds perfect for you, boss
08:23Don't get me serious, Duke boy
08:25I'm feeling testy
08:26Luke, what are you doing?
08:27I'm going, Daisy
08:28Well, listen
08:29Don't use that but once
08:31Because you're only supposed to use it once
08:32When you're in jail
08:33Roscoe ain't prisoners
08:34Well, you will be
08:35If you use that phone again
08:36Boss
08:37See, what we use this cell for
08:39Is just for
08:40For sold supplies
08:41And for Enos' comic
08:42All right, all right, all right
08:44I'll take it
08:45Just move that junk out
08:47And put my other barber chair in there
08:49Uh
08:50Boss, you gonna sleep in your barber chair?
08:54Well, I've been sleeping in it half the time
08:56Since I married your fat sister
08:58These ways that chair don't roll over on me
09:02In the middle of the night
09:03But Luke
09:05I gotta change
09:06I just got fitted for my costume
09:07Now is Uncle Jesse
09:08He's fine
09:09Look, nobody else is sick
09:11Now don't panic
09:12But get that mortgage money to Jason Higgins
09:14Before midnight
09:15You just take care of Uncle Jesse
09:16And I'm on my way to the bank right now
09:18All right?
09:19Well, hurry
09:20Okay, all right
09:21Now, anybody that knows anything about Hazard County
09:25Knows that it just ain't gonna be that easy
09:28Here
09:30Thank you
09:30Uh, Bo tells me you think something's up
09:33Well, it's that Colt
09:35Something peculiar's going on there
09:37His fever's down
09:37And if the doc hadn't looked at him
09:39I'd swear he's faking being unconscious
09:41Well, why would anybody fake the plague
09:42Just to stay in jail
09:43Beats me
09:45It's gonna take some cogitate
09:47Ugh, one thing, sir
09:48It ain't the coffee
09:49Say that again
09:50Say, now, what are we gonna do about food?
09:53Oh, Cooter volunteered to bring it in
09:54No wonder
09:55Plague would dry up and die on Cooter
09:57There she is, Mr. Hogg
10:02Ready to move right in
10:03Good work, Keenor
10:04Thank you, sir
10:05Yes, sir
10:11Did you
10:12Lock that door?
10:16Uh, yes
10:17That must be out of force of heaven
10:18I'm sorry, Mr. Hogg
10:20Unlock that door, son
10:24Oh, yes, yes, sir
10:25It's stuck
10:37Stuck?
10:38Stuck
10:39Roscoe!
10:41Roscoe!
10:42Get in here!
10:44What can I do for you, boss?
10:47Your pee-brain' in here
10:49The dick you didn't love me
10:50He, he did
10:52Roscoe!
10:53Uh, unlock a door, ain't it?
10:55Yes, but it won't unlock
10:57Well, then get out of the way
10:59And let me do it
11:00You don't dipstick
11:01It's a little rusty, it's just
11:07That it?
11:14No, no, um, not exactly
11:16See, that's the key
11:18But it needs that little piece up here
11:19Ha, ha, ha, ha
11:21It's just
11:23Roscoe!
11:24I've got claustrophobia
11:26Well, uh, is that catching, Sheriff?
11:28You, uh, you two ain't got the combined intelligence of a ball of turnips
11:34I know it, I know it, I know it
11:36Then get them doobs downstairs
11:38I'll, I'll get them right away
11:39Get him out of here
11:41Just, you, get him out of here
11:43Okay
11:45I ain't gonna tell you but one time
11:48Downstairs
11:49Well, let's humor him, boys
11:50It's his jail
11:51All right
11:52All hope abandon ye who enter here
12:02Where'd you come up with that bit of sunshine, Roscoe?
12:06Oh, my sweet mama does needlepoint
12:07Gives a sort of a homey touch, don't you think?
12:10As I recall, that's supposed to be the sign over the gates of hell
12:14Very appropriate
12:15From Dante's Inferno, ain't it?
12:18From my mama
12:19Hush!
12:20Ooh, wee, would you look at that
12:44Hello, gorgeous
12:49I'm just a lonely stranger in town
12:52So, why don't you show me the sights
12:54Starting with you
12:55Well, have you seen our jail?
12:57It's a sight
12:57Stanley
12:59So long, gorgeous
13:03That was very sick, Stanley
13:05We're working
13:06Let's go
13:07Hey, Rose Ellen
13:15You all been busy?
13:17Oh, the mail payday
13:18We sure missed you in church
13:20Sunday, Daisy
13:21You see me this way
13:23Oh, beautiful
13:24Ow
13:53Everybody do exactly as you're told
14:02And nobody will be hurt
14:04So, hands above your head
14:05Thank you, thank you
14:06Thank you
14:07Thank you
14:11Where's yours?
14:15Where's yours?
14:16Okay, thank you
14:18Hello, gorgeous
14:20And that's all there is
14:24Let's go
14:25Everybody in the back room
14:26Let's go
14:26Come on
14:26Let's go
14:28Hurry, hurry, hurry
14:29No, no, no
14:30Nothing will happen
14:30Just in the back room
14:31No, no, no
14:32No, no, no
14:33No, no, no
14:33No, no, no
14:33No, no, no
14:34No, no, no
14:34No, no, no
14:35No, no
14:36Let's go
14:37Everybody, let's go
14:38Move it, move it
14:38Nothing will happen
14:39Let's go
14:40I don't like it in there
14:50It makes me bleed
14:51Come on
14:52Come on
14:52Come on
14:53Hey, what happened to gorgeous?
14:56Can't you even forget women long enough to rob a bank?
14:59Thank you
15:02Will you come home?
15:25Come on
15:25Anybody spots us
15:31Start shooting
15:32Hang on, Daisy
15:52You got them now
15:53Possum on a gum bush
16:04Nope
16:04It's Daisy on an RV
16:06Stay loose, goose
16:35I'm a coming
16:35I think we have company
16:40Yeah
16:41Can't you shake them?
16:43I'm trying to, Stanley
16:45Why don't you pop him?
17:02All right
17:08I'll pop him
17:09Hang on, Daisy
17:14While Daisy was playing gangbusters
17:27Old Bo and Luke
17:28Old Bo and Luke were puttering around
17:29Just looking for something to do
17:30Here, boss
17:31I brought you a little coffee
17:32For your nerves
17:33Yeah
17:33Girl, what am I supposed to do
17:35If I have to get on a hill?
17:37Huh?
17:38You know
17:39Have to
17:40Hazard County Sheriff?
17:51Oh, it's for you, Sheriff
17:54Rose Allen at the bank
17:55Well, let me have it
17:57Here
17:57Rose Allen
18:04I told you not to call me here at work
18:07You little rascal
18:08You
18:09Huh?
18:12The bank was robbed
18:13My bank?
18:16Uh, by Laurel and Hardy
18:18Find out how much money did they get
18:20Well, was anybody hurt?
18:23Go get Jesse
18:24Yeah
18:24Nobody was hurt
18:26How much did they get?
18:28Uh, well, did anybody see the vehicle
18:30That they got away in?
18:31What about Daisy?
18:32I don't know, but nobody was hurt
18:33Well, that must mean she's okay, then
18:35Roscoe, how much did they get?
18:38Uh, Enos
18:38Yes
18:39Take this down
18:41Uh, the bank robbers
18:45Uh, drove away
18:47In one of those big RV campers
18:49Only in Hazard
18:51Uh, well, I-I-I'll be right there
18:54Huh?
18:56Uh, well, uh
18:58I-no, I can't come
18:59I'm in quarantine
19:00Well, we'll just tell them to, uh
19:03Tell them just to sit tight
19:05Roscoe for the last time!
19:07How much money did they get?
19:09Two bagfuls
19:10That's not a very accurate count
19:13You might say that
19:16Oh
19:17This is, uh, Sheriff Roscoe Coltrane calling all deputies
19:23Coltrane calling all deputies
19:26Come on
19:26Sheriff, all the deputies are quarantining here
19:29Oh, Hazard County Sheriff
19:33Oh, hey, Cooter
19:34Cooter just chased an RV camper
19:37Where Daisy hanging on top
19:39Let-let me have-let me have it
19:41Cooter
19:42Now, how long ago was that
19:44And-and which way did they go?
19:47About 30 minutes
19:48And
19:48Hidden north, huh?
19:51Easy
19:52I'm sorry, Jesse
19:55I'll tell you something, boys
20:04One thing about a crisis
20:05You sure learn what ain't important
20:08With Daisy and this trouble
20:11Losing that farm don't amount to a hill of beans
20:14But, Uncle Jesse, what if the plague ain't for real?
20:18That's a big if, Bo
20:19And a whole pass of a coincidence as if it is
20:22What do you mean?
20:23Look, a guy picks a fight
20:25Gets thrown in jail
20:26He gets sick
20:27Gets himself
20:28And the police quarantined
20:29On the same day a bank is robbed
20:30And on the mill's payday?
20:33Look, Uncle Jesse
20:34You yourself said that he might be faking some
20:36Which could tie him in with them bank robbers
20:39If that's true
20:40It's gonna take a lot of tall shucking
20:43To outsmart them fellers
20:45They're good
20:45All right
20:47I'll have Roscoe call Doc
20:49And see if he can take another look at Colt
20:52Well, we ought to figure out an escape plan
20:54Just in case
20:55Now, there'll be no escape
20:57Till we're sure this plague is phony
20:59And while you two are at it
21:02Figure out how we're gonna find Daisy
21:05When nobody else can
21:06Funniest people in the world
21:21Think you could tell yourself away and give me a hand?
21:25I'm the boss, Stanley
21:26All right already with the Stanley bit
21:28My name is Irving
21:30Humor me
21:31Next job, you'll be Abbott
21:33And I'll be Costello
21:34Unload the RV
21:42Unload?
21:43I just locked it
21:44How come we gotta unload it now?
21:46Because we're going to sink it in the lake, Stanley
21:48That's Irving
21:50And we're not doing that till tomorrow when Colt gets here
21:53Nothing like being ready
21:54I'm still very peeved at you, Stanley
21:58Talking to that beautiful girl in the bank was très stupido
22:01I had to pick a part-time sex maniac for a partner
22:05Tacky Stanley
22:06Tacky!
22:09Lay out the money and I'll count it
22:11Now to get to that CB and call for help
22:17All Daisy's gotta do is climb down
22:19Break in without being shot
22:21Or worse
22:22So what's the problem?
22:25She's a dude
22:25That's the problem
22:28And I think she's got a long way to go
22:37Hey boss
22:40I was just downstairs talking to old Jesse
22:43He thinks maybe that plague is a fake
22:44So I'm gonna call Doc Petticourt
22:46Roscoe!
22:47What?
22:48You ain't gonna call nobody
22:49Uh, uh, boss, now listen
22:51Now you listen
22:52I just figured this whole thing out
22:54Now tell me
22:55Why's that fella Colt in jail in the first place?
22:58Be-be-because he was fighting with, uh, uh, Bo and Luke, Duke
23:02Ha-ha-ha-ha
23:03Pretending to
23:04Pretending to
23:05And who is off with them bank robbers right now?
23:09Uh, uh, uh, Daisy
23:13Ha-ha-ha-ha
23:14You see, Pee-brain
23:15The Dukes are in on it
23:17Well, now, let me ask you something
23:19Why would old Jesse jeopardize a farm?
23:23Because he ain't in on it
23:25He ain't
23:26Them Duke boys didn't know their scheme would clash with Jesse's mortgage
23:30So they got caught in their own trip
23:32Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
23:34And you ain't calling Doc
23:35Because you got three of the robbers in jail right now
23:39Colt and Bo and Luke Duke
23:41Uh, but boss, now
23:42What happens if that plague is real?
23:45Well, then we just sit tight
23:47And Jesse loses the farm either way
23:50Well, boss, why should you care?
23:53Old man Higgins, he owns a mortgage on that farm
23:55Oh, no, he don't
23:56No, he don't
23:57I bought all Jason's holdings last week
24:00By midnight tonight, that farm will be mine
24:03You see?
24:04I'm gonna burn it down
24:06Burn it up
24:07And have me a real nice junkyard
24:10Good jokeyard
24:11Good, good, good
24:12I love it
24:13I love it, I love it
24:14Rosco, get me out of here
24:16I'm going crazy
24:17Couldn't keep away from me, huh, gorgeous?
24:31Let's go!
24:32Let's go of me!
24:32Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no, oh, no
24:34Oh, no, oh, no, you're going with me
24:36Let go of me!
24:38You're going right with me!
24:39Oh, no, no, no, no, no
24:41Let's go!
24:42Oh, no, you're going right with me!
24:43Let's go!
24:44Young lady
24:50you are in a pack of trouble
24:54do y'all realize that this whole mess got started by two cars just bumping into each other
25:04like i said y'all realize that this whole mess got started by two cars bumping into each other
25:15while luke was doing a little sabotage for the breakout by doing some repairs
25:19bo was diverting everybody's attention with jesse's old card tricks and that boy had a tough audience
25:27all right enos now i'm gonna show you one card trick i want you to pick a card
25:30oh i don't believe in gambling bo enos it's not gambling will you pick a card we'll be here all
25:35day well now you got it yep two hearts enos you're not supposed to tell him the card oh you dipstick
25:43all right enos uh let's try it one more time okay oh no this time don't tell me what it is
25:49don't tell him now pick a card
25:52you got it yeah okay can i ask a question sure you know the little black three-leaf clover
26:01is that clubs or spades enos don't help him anymore you have to
26:05give me that enos i see it we're gonna try again all right
26:10that's your card ain't it happy dang dang you know how you did that sure
26:21magic downstairs jesse was trying to trick colt to see if the plague was phony
26:28that was smart real smart you getting the law all quarantined while the rest of them hit the bank
26:40that was good real good except you made one mistake you picked hazard county where the only law
26:51is boss hog and roscoe so me and my boys is gonna make a run for it we invite you to come along
26:59if i know roscoe and i do
27:02your partners are gonna have all that money split and spent by the time he turns you
27:09loose
27:09did you fix up the squeaky wheels on my chair sure did thank you
27:26you're welcome
27:31it's all planned getaway car everything
27:36seems a shame big time pro like you rotting away in a hicktown jail
27:45you're all set
28:13and we're all ready i just hope cooter got that message i smuggled out with lunch
28:18yeah i hope he can read well now listen i think i may have struck out with colt so
28:23if he don't go if he don't go we don't go you understand
28:28i'm sure hope this works
28:33jailbreak
28:38jailbreak
28:42enos get me out of here this door's stuck come here open this door
28:56rush don't get in here
29:09get out of here
29:19get out of here
29:38and if we hadn't made a cute remark to her while we were robbing the bank we wouldn't have this mess
29:52how would i know she was gonna get so turned on she'd follow me here
29:55that's not hot what sugar hey do you mind if i sit down while y'all fuss
29:59these new shoes i bought for the costume cotillion are killing me
30:03y'all going to the cotillion
30:04you know the way you two dress when you rob banks i'll bet you take first prize
30:10the costume bit is his idea the last bank job he was dracula and i was wolf man
30:16yes and you were terrible i'll get a rope and tie it up
30:20you know i figured we'd hear a lot more traffic on the police radio
30:22don't worry we will hey look put her even back there's a lunch
30:26lunch oh great i'm starving hey hope y'all ain't planning on stopping for lunch
30:32this is hazard sheriff roscoe coltree all units report in
30:37all units what units this is choctaw sheriff emmet ragsdale with all units reporting
30:46sheriff ragsdale from choctaw county with two more cars he'd invade russia
30:51wow that many no that mean shh hold on listen up uh this is sheriff roscoe coltrane calling hammerhand
30:59over this choctaw sheriff emmet ragsdale you will use correct radio procedure on police business
31:05over oh i'm sorry about that hammerhead a hand uh uh listen did you or your boy spot any of the
31:12fugitives over negative we have all primaries blocked with rovin patrols on secondaries
31:18over oh oh good whatever that means uh listen hammer uh sheriff uh listen we're gonna move north
31:24and join you now i want you to be real careful cause those fugitives they're tough so are we
31:28out the choctaw and hazard sheriffs together and don't forget the fbi and state patrol
31:36what are they afters for bank robbers a federal rap man welcome to the big time boys now wait a
31:44minute we didn't rob no bank
31:47tell that to the judge after they get you there and every road blocked well i guess we only got one
31:54choice go for it
32:08change i couldn't find any rope no way oh you flake
32:38change
32:57you all right
33:06I got it, I got it, I got it.
33:36I look like old Hammerhand.
33:59You better step on it, he's after us.
34:06Yee-haw!
34:35Helicopters.
34:37I need helicopters.
34:51It looks like Rob's gonna give us a hand here.
35:03You gotta untrink.
35:05Coltrane!
35:07Coltrane, your driving is substandard.
35:19I didn't turn over.
35:20You reckon we oughta help him, Sheriff?
35:21Will you hush?
35:22He ain't hurt.
35:23Turn off the light.
35:24Yes, sir.
35:25Yes, sir.
35:26Yes, sir.
35:27Yes, sir.
35:28Yes, sir.
35:29Yes, sir.
35:30Yes, sir.
35:31Make sure you tire well, Stanley.
35:32You win, gorgeous.
35:33No chains, just fishing line.
35:34Thanks.
35:35I've always depended on the kindness of strangers, Stanley.
35:37The name is Irving.
35:38What do we do now?
35:39We're gonna sit tight till dark.
35:40That way our chances are.
35:41I'll do it right now.
35:42I'll do it right now.
35:43I'll do it right now.
35:44Let's go, sir.
35:45Let's go.
35:46Let's go.
35:47Let's go.
35:48Let's go.
35:49Oh, you're gonna let me do it.
35:50You'll win, Gorgeous. No chains, just fishing line.
35:57Thanks. I've always depended on the kindness of strangers, Stanley.
36:03The name is Irving.
36:05What do we do now?
36:08We're gonna sit tight till dark. That way our chances will be better.
36:12Then what?
36:14Shoot, we reckon you're gonna tell us.
36:16Hey, look, we're neck deep in this thing already.
36:18Hey, we was thinking maybe we could throw in with you and your partner.
36:23Oh, yeah?
36:24Yeah, Luke and me are both great wheel men.
36:26Wheel men?
36:28Breaking out of jail ought to prove we can handle ourselves.
36:31Come on, how about it?
36:33Tell you what I'm gonna do.
36:35I'm gonna take you to the boss and let him decide.
36:37Woo! Deal.
36:39Hey, you gotta tell me one thing.
36:42How'd you fake the plague?
36:46Now, that was simple.
36:47I'm allergic to poison ivy, right?
36:50Yeah.
36:51Well, when I get in the jail, I just peel back the tape and expose the poison ivy.
36:59Then I get the rash.
37:01I get the swelling.
37:02I even get a little fever.
37:04Then I fake all the other symptoms of the plague, like delirium, cramping, all that sort of stuff, you know.
37:10And then, man, it looks real good.
37:13Looks just like the plague.
37:16Boy, it was beautiful.
37:18Really beautiful.
37:19Anyway, do you realize that there ain't never been no doctor ever seen a case of the plague in this part of the country?
37:32Now, if you know something, Luke, it is sure gonna be a pleasure to work with a real professional, ain't it?
37:36Yeah.
37:37You figure we can never be that good?
37:39I don't know.
37:41You know what I think about?
37:42Y'all realize they ain't no closer to Daisy than they were in jail.
37:54What are you doing here?
38:09You're supposed to be in jail till tomorrow.
38:11Can't anybody do anything right?
38:13Boss, I ran into some trouble back there.
38:15What happened?
38:16You poor man.
38:17That's a terrible case of poison ivy.
38:19You see it?
38:19It didn't work in jail either.
38:21Some hillbillies spotted me.
38:23Where's your car?
38:24I had to make a getaway in this thing.
38:26Hey, isn't that the girl up in the bar?
38:28Yeah.
38:29She belongs to me.
38:30Look, dummy.
38:31Are we supposed to sneak out of here in an orange stock car with a big number one on the side and a confederate flag on the roof?
38:39Look, little man.
38:40It'd be a whole lot easier than trying to hide her.
38:44Imbeciles.
38:46It was a very simple plan.
38:47These two idiots couldn't follow instructions on a cereal box.
38:51Y'all don't get along very well, do you?
38:54No, young lady, we don't.
38:56I want to see the money.
38:57I think you should see about getting some calamine lotion on that poison ivy.
39:01Oh, get her inside.
39:02Because of your stupidity, we're going to have to dump that RV truck and then escape in that clown car.
39:12No.
39:13Looks like the Duke's got a little shuck and jive working, don't it?
39:30Listen, I want to know how we did her on the money.
39:33Well, that may all prove to be academic if we don't get away.
39:39Right now, we happen to have a more pressing problem.
39:42What are we going to do with her?
39:44Right now, I'm thinking about sinking her in the lake with the RV.
39:50That way, there's no witnesses.
39:52Hey, is Cooter coming at you?
40:06Y'all got your ears on?
40:08Come in, Cooter.
40:08It worked.
40:10Woo!
40:12Boy, we thought he'd never steal that car.
40:15Me too.
40:15Hey, y'all.
40:17I'm down here at old Bubber's fishing shack, the one that Boss Hogg foreclosed on.
40:22You mean Bearclaw Swamp?
40:24The very same.
40:26Now, looky here.
40:26Daisy's all right.
40:28But there's three of them.
40:29And they got shotguns, and it looks like they're fixing to leave.
40:32Got you.
40:33You're going to have to delay him, Cooter.
40:35Okay, I will.
40:36That's a big 10-4.
40:37But y'all hurry.
40:38You copy that, Jesse?
40:40Loud and clear, Luke, and I'm on the way.
40:42I got him now.
40:43I got him now.
40:45You copy that, Roscoe?
40:47You bet I copy.
40:48And when I get my hands on you, Bearclaw Swamp, that's at the other end of the county, Sheriff.
40:54Enos, I know where it is.
41:01Wait a minute.
41:08I'm not into exotic stuff like snuffin' abroad.
41:12Don't look at me.
41:13I've been sick.
41:14Uh, fellas, can I say something here?
41:16No.
41:19No.
41:20You may not.
41:22This is all your fault.
41:24It was a perfect bank heist with a true theatrical flair.
41:29It worked twice without a hitch.
41:30And then we hit Hazard.
41:32It was a perfect setup.
41:34An outmoded bank.
41:36An inept police department.
41:38And then we met you.
41:42Disaster.
41:45Now, let's see.
41:46Cooter said that there's three guys with shotguns?
41:48Hmm.
41:50You don't need me.
41:52I'll just take a nap.
41:53You can handle it.
41:54Left-handed.
41:56I sure hope Cooter's being creative.
42:00Hey, how are you?
42:15Now, Sugar, before you get yourself all head up, things just happen to be different in Hazard.
42:20Actually, y'all fit right in.
42:22Why don't you stick around?
42:24I'll bet if you gave that money back and apologized real sweet, well...
42:29Stick around, Hazard.
42:32Wrong.
42:33Who's that?
42:38Why, hey, Cooter!
42:39Hey, Daisy!
42:40Yeah?
42:41How you been?
42:41Oh, fine.
42:42And you?
42:43Oh, I can't complain.
42:44What is going on?
42:46Caught this guy goofing around with RV tires.
42:49The place is crawling with him.
42:51Where did you come from?
42:53See if you can guess.
42:54Maybe we ought to sink the RV before something else crawls out of there.
42:58Hey, you know, that's gonna take y'all a while, cause it's got two flat tires.
43:03Tie them both up, put them in the RV and sink it!
43:07Hey, can I ask you a question?
43:09No, you may not.
43:11Okay, good.
43:11If y'all sink that RV, how you gonna get out of here?
43:15We'll make our getaway in the little orange car.
43:18Yeah?
43:19It ain't gonna start no how.
43:21I hid the distributor cap right before I did them tires.
43:26Get over there!
43:29All right, you two, get out there and start that car!
43:32What's that noise?
43:34Now what?
43:37Stop him!
43:44Get out!
44:08Stop him!
44:09Stop him!
44:10Stop him!
44:11Stop kids!
44:11Stop being my feet!
44:12Speak again!
44:13Stop it!
44:13They're throwing dynamite!
44:20They're throwing dynamite!
44:22Dynamite!
44:22You didn't say anything about dynamite!
44:24You!
44:24What did you guys do to me?
44:37These people are crazy!
44:43Come on in here!
45:00Get in here!
45:02Don't slap all over me now!
45:03This is my good uniform!
45:04Get in here!
45:05Gosh, Roscoe, it sure was nice of y'all to get here just in time to take all the credit.
45:15Well, you, Gosh, any more flat-flip out of you, I'll help you, too.
45:19You are surrounded.
45:21Throw down your weapons and put your hands up.
45:24Hammer hand.
45:25How many times do you have to surrender around here?
45:27I said hands up, everybody!
45:29You, you, you, you just...
45:31Hello, Coltrane.
45:32What are you doing here?
45:33Oh, well, I...
45:34All right, move out!
45:35We...
45:36Hammer hand.
45:37Now, listen.
45:38This is Hazard County.
45:39This is my county, and I do all the arresting in...
45:41Hot pursuit, Sheriff.
45:45Look it up.
45:46Oh, yo.
45:46Oh, yo.
45:50I hope you weren't too inconvenienced, ma'am.
45:55All right, men, move them out!
45:57You, you, tin-badged robot!
46:00You...
46:00I think he's kind of cute.
46:02For Sheriff.
46:05Well, we played it pretty close.
46:06Got only one stick left.
46:08You know what we ought to do with that?
46:09What's that?
46:09We ought to offer to blast Boss right out of his cell, huh?
46:16He's just a big...
46:18He's just a big white smithereen!
46:21That's the legend of the Hazard Plague,
46:24in which nobody caught nothing.
46:26Especially Roscoe,
46:28who didn't even catch the bank robbers.
46:30That's not the magic!
46:35It's a dark witch!
46:41My chance doesn't matter.
46:42We'll find you when he caught a encезде later.
46:43If the CF is the gun and they have it,
46:44guess and then one thing call me,
46:45or I'll just escort you before with that.
46:46I only want one-knowledge
46:47in this myth,
46:48but you're going in handy.
46:49Indeed,
46:49not only one thing they had to trust you.
46:49It's fun.
46:50Yes,
46:51noなんだ kind of dish.
46:51It's like you're buying your loft,
46:52that's Gangnamoo.
46:52yeah,
46:52it's a requirement I'm doing in it.
46:54I'm going in Whoa- democratamente.
46:55that's a thing?
46:56Yeah,
46:56it's a چ- agreement that
46:57I'll just wait to get it.
46:58Just a good old boy
47:12Never meaning no harm
47:16Beats all you never saw
47:20Been in trouble with the law
47:21Since the day they was born
47:23Straightening the curves
47:26Flat in the hills
47:30Someday the mountain might get them
47:34But the law never will
47:36Making their way
47:39The only way they know how
47:42That's just a little bit more
47:47Than the law will allow
47:48Just a good old boy
47:52Wouldn't change if they could
47:55Fightin' the system like a two
48:00Modern day Robin Hood
48:01Yee-haw!
48:03Yee-haw!