An Englishman (Simon MacCorkindale) who says he is the Dukes' cousin arrives to claim his inheritance.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00There you go.
00:02Gaylord Duke.
00:04Can a Duke from another country be a hazard?
00:06If you have the right meaning to say again, I'll have you held against you in a court of law.
00:09I don't believe I got the drift of all that.
00:11This is a whole lot prettier than you do.
00:14How much of that quarter of a million dollars do I get?
00:17Very little.
00:22Hey!
00:23Where's your gun?
00:23I'm going for all praises.
00:25Clark, the baby.
00:26Oh.
00:26Woo-hoo!
00:27Just a good old boy
00:37Never meaning no harm
00:41Beats all you've never saw
00:45Been in trouble with the law
00:46Since the day they was born
00:48Straightening the curves
00:51Flattening the hills
00:54Someday the mountain might get them
00:59But the law never will
01:00Making their way
01:04The only way they know how
01:07That's just a little bit more
01:12Than the law will allow
01:13Just a good old boy
01:16Wouldn't change if they could
01:20Fighting the system like a two
01:24Modern-day Robin Hood
01:26You know, neighbors, sometimes
01:32There's nothing more refreshing
01:33Than watching children at play
01:34Cousin, I don't know what you did this time
01:42But if the general runs like this
01:43At that smoky holla race on Sunday
01:45We're just gonna have a whole pot
01:47Full of first prize money
01:48We just flew past Roscoe back there
01:56In them trees
01:56That guy just never learns
01:58Enos, this is Roscoe P. Coltrane
02:01I got them Duke boys this time
02:03I really got them
02:04We're gonna come down on those turkeys
02:06Like a load of dead chickens
02:08I love it, I love it
02:10Now, Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane
02:11Would rather catch himself a Duke
02:13Than to go to heaven when he dies
02:15Some folks tend to lose
02:17Their perspective like that
02:19Let's let the general out
02:23See what he can really do
02:24All right
02:24Bye, Roscoe
02:26Woo-hoo
02:27I'm coming, I'm coming
02:32Now, now
02:33I'm ready, Sheriff
02:34I'm ready, Sheriff
02:36Where's he?
02:39Hold, hold
02:40Watch out for that sports car
02:43Stranger passing through
02:56Could find himself
02:57In a hazard entanglement
02:59Mercy me
03:03Looks like that city slicker
03:05Wants a race
03:06Shoot, well, we can't
03:07Disappoint him now, can we?
03:09Hey, I'll take it easy on you
03:10All right
03:10Um, well, I hope we don't run into him
03:32At that race on Sunday
03:33You can't hardly run into something
03:35You can't catch up to
03:36I hope you like Sass for ST
03:44It's not your British kind
03:46But, well, it's about as close
03:48As we can get to class
03:49Around here
03:49You suppose that thing
03:56Is doing here
03:56I don't know
03:57Uncle Jesse
04:00Who holds that green sports car out there?
04:02Hey, boys
04:02Boys, come on in
04:03I got somebody special
04:04I want you to meet
04:05Well, I'm afraid we already had the pleasure
04:08To meet Mr. Gordon
04:09Your first name's Flash now, ain't it?
04:10Yes, of course
04:11I'm sorry I left you both
04:13So abruptly back then
04:14So are we
04:14You just gotta take care
04:16Not to do that in front of too many people
04:17Cause we got kind of a reputation
04:19To uphold around
04:19I don't know what you boys
04:21Is jabbering about
04:22This, this ain't Mr. Gordon
04:23No, sir
04:25This is your third cousin
04:27From London, England
04:29This, this is Gaylord Duke
04:31I'm pleased to meet you
04:33Great pleasure
04:33Set yourself down here
04:34He's related to us
04:35On Grandpa Henshaw's side
04:37Meaning he ain't blood canned
04:39That's right, Daisy
04:39And he's a real Duke
04:42Well, heck, ain't we all Dukes?
04:43Well, I mean like a Duke Duke
04:45No, I think what Daisy means
04:47Is that I've just recently
04:48Come into my title
04:49Well, congratulations
04:50Oh, thank you
04:51Now, what's a Duke Duke
04:53Doing in Hazard County?
04:54Well, as you probably know
04:56My grandfather
04:57Passed away recently
04:58And he left me
04:58This in his will
04:59As you'll see
05:01It's the original land grant
05:02For some property here
05:03In Hazard County
05:04What do you think, Luke?
05:06Well, the legal description
05:07Fits the old Henshaw place
05:09All right
05:09I was afraid of that
05:10Well, that means that
05:12Cousin Gaylord here
05:13Has inherited himself
05:14A mess of trouble
05:15He's got any problems
05:17I sure ain't seen him yet
05:19What I'm talking about is
05:21That old Henshaw place
05:23Has been owing back taxes
05:25For, well, for years now
05:27It could have built up
05:28To, well, $30,000
05:30Oh, good grief
05:31I mean, what's that
05:33Going to mean in terms
05:34Of pounds?
05:34Well, what it means is
05:36If you got that kind of money
05:37I'd be more than happy
05:37To weigh it for you
05:38I'm afraid I don't
05:40And we Dukes
05:41Never carry cash
05:42Ain't that the truth
05:43But I'm sure I could
05:44Raise it at a given time
05:46Well, that's going to be
05:47Your second problem
05:48Because this is the time
05:49Of year that banks foreclose
05:50On land owing back taxes
05:51I saw that notice
05:53In the post office window
05:54So exactly how long
05:55Do I have?
05:56Noon Monday
05:57Don't you worry
05:58We'll get the money
05:59You'll see
06:00Well
06:02Think of something
06:05But boss
06:06How was I supposed to know
06:07That that Duke
06:08That was drag racing
06:09With those other Dukes
06:10Was just another Duke
06:11No, no, no
06:12No, no
06:13Not just another Duke
06:15No, he's Duke
06:17Gaylord Duke
06:18An Englishman
06:19Foreigner?
06:20Yeah, from England
06:20That's a foreigner
06:21Well, says so
06:23Right there in that letter
06:24To the county recorder
06:25Yeah, and also says
06:27He's come to lay clean
06:29To a certain piece of property
06:30That was willed to him
06:32You must remember
06:33Somewhere deep down
06:34In that empty head of yours
06:35That I've already worked out
06:37A secret little deal
06:38With the Dixie King
06:40Supermarket people
06:42For them to buy
06:43That certain piece of property
06:44From me
06:45For a quarter of a million dollars
06:46A quarter of a million dollars
06:51And I hope you understand
06:52Why I want that Duke
06:53Gaylord Duke arrested
06:54Along with our own
06:55Common folk
06:56Hazard County Duke
06:57Boss
06:58You better do it
06:59Well, I don't care
06:59How you do it
07:00Just as long as you put
07:01All of them away
07:02Till Monday at high noon
07:04When them back taxes
07:05Gotta be peed
07:06See, I can do it boss
07:07See, there is
07:09An ordinance
07:10One, two, three, point, seven
07:12That definitely states
07:13That you cannot drag race
07:14In the county of Hazard
07:15Do you see it right there?
07:16Huh?
07:17Take that book away
07:18Before I throw up
07:18I'm sorry about that
07:20I got him, I got him
07:21Yeah, well, you ain't got him
07:23Till you get him
07:23So go get him
07:25I sure can't do no more today
07:27I didn't turn the damn thing off
07:29Anyhow
07:29It's probably out of the street
07:30Yeah, yeah
07:31Don't worry about it
07:33Don't worry about it
07:34Let's go
07:36Let's go
07:37Gaylord
07:43What happens when a girl
07:45Marries a duke?
07:46Why, much the same
07:47I suspect as happens
07:48Here in Hazard
07:49She settles down
07:50And has dozens of dudes
07:51I don't mean that
07:52No, I mean
07:53Her marrying a duke
07:54And all, what happens?
07:56Well, that would make her a duchess
07:57But, uh
07:58Why'd you ask?
08:01I don't
08:02I was wondering
08:03I don't know
08:04That, uh
08:06Cousin Gaylord
08:06It's kind of a nice boy
08:07Yes, sir
08:09You know, I've been thinking on it
08:11I can't think of nobody around here
08:13That's got $30,000
08:15Except
08:15Well, you know who
08:17Well, that's because
08:18There ain't nobody around here
08:19That's got
08:19Seems to me
08:23You told us once
08:24About somebody over in Claiborne
08:26I did? Who?
08:27Ira Murchison
08:28Ain't he the one
08:29You said had more money
08:30Stashed away in tin cans
08:31On his place
08:32Than J.D. Hogg
08:33Has in a bank of hazard
08:34That's right, for sure
08:35Now, why didn't I think of old Ira?
08:38You know, he's owed me for 20 years
08:40For pulling him out of that sold-up river
08:42And you remember how you told us
08:43He said if you ever needed anything at all
08:45Just ask him for it?
08:46He did it, Zach
08:46Well, let's ask him for it
08:48Come on
08:48Come on
08:48Daisy
08:49Gaylord
08:51Hey
08:51I think we've got a handle on the situation
08:54Now, here's where we start getting into
08:56The nitty-gritty of this here story
08:58But I figure we're going to land
09:01In a heap of trouble
09:02Don't you?
09:07Now, Cousin Gaylord
09:08Y'all stay close behind
09:09I wouldn't want you to get lost
09:10You know, if we did get lost
09:12I sure wouldn't mind
09:13You know
09:14I got a feeling
09:15That there's more going on here
09:16Than meets the eye
09:17Besides, I kind of tend to get nervous
09:24When somebody's around
09:25That might take advantage of our Daisy
09:26Uh-oh
09:43Uh-oh
09:55Enos
09:56This is Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane
09:58Your superior officer talking to
09:59Let your ears on
10:00There's Enos
10:01Back to my superior officer
10:03Over
10:04That Duke boys
10:05And that dandy Duke
10:06Are heading south on 102
10:07And they've broken
10:08Every ordinance in the book
10:09Now, you hit them off
10:11At Woodchuck Pass
10:12While I grab them with their tail feathers
10:14I'm gone
10:15Enforce, Perry officer
10:16Over and out
10:17And all about
10:18I just love this kind of talk
10:22You sure are cool and easy
10:32Under pressure, Cousin Gaylord
10:33I just love it
10:36There's Enos
10:37Let's lose them
10:38Pass the word to Cousin Gaylord
10:39Here we go
10:40Woo!
10:50I'm a Murchison
10:51Here we come
10:52I reckon poor old Ira
10:58Can't help us much
10:59Where he's going now
11:00That's for sure
11:02It seems I just heard
11:03That he'd married himself
11:04A young filly
11:05Just maybe the honeymoon
11:06Was just too much for him
11:07I'm sorry, Cousin Gaylord
11:09Looks like your $30,000
11:11Is six feet under
11:12Looks like we
11:13Made this trip for nothing
11:15Well, maybe you did
11:17But I didn't
11:18All right
11:20Luke Duke
11:21And Bo Duke
11:22And Duke
11:23The Duke
11:25Or whatever
11:25You're all under arrest
11:27Ain't that typical?
11:29The Dukes start out to help somebody
11:30And they get their own tails
11:31And a crack
11:32And today
11:33Roscoe, you've got to be
11:34Push
11:34Y'all know that Roscoe
11:40Ain't never been long
11:41On explanations
11:41You have the right
11:43To remain silent
11:44And if you have the right
11:44To remain silent
11:45And if you have the right to mean anything
11:45Say again
11:45If you held against you
11:46In the court of law
11:47You have the right
11:48To be the cast attorney
11:48You have the thing
11:49Et cetera, et cetera
11:50That's it
11:50Constable, I
11:51I don't believe
11:52I got the drift of all that
11:53Well, isn't that too bad
11:55You don't have to get the drift of it
11:56You'll have plenty of time
11:57To get the drift of it
11:58When you spend the next
11:59Ten days in a slammer
12:00Ten days just for fun
12:02All right, Jesse
12:03Eight days
12:04But that's my final offer
12:05Six
12:05Four
12:06Done
12:06Constable
12:08I believe that here
12:09As in England
12:10We are entitled to a trial
12:11He's got you there, Roscoe
12:14He ain't got me there
12:15I got him there
12:17You see the circuit judge
12:19He's gonna be away for two weeks
12:21That means I'm gonna keep you all in jail
12:23Till he does get back
12:25It says so right here
12:27In this alternate penal code
12:29Alternate penal code
12:31Well, yeah, it's right there
12:32The alternate penal code
12:33In Roscoe's little book
12:34Means any nasty county job
12:36That Roscoe's been putting off
12:38See what I mean
12:40Y'all doing pretty good job
12:43Oh, Mr. Gaylord, sir
12:52This sign you're painting
12:53I believe it should read
12:54Stay right, not left
12:56Not in England, dear boy
12:57Not in England
12:58Not in England
12:59Not in England
13:01I don't understand that
13:04Good work, Roscoe
13:09By this time tomorrow
13:10I'll have taken possession
13:11Of that old Henshaw property
13:12Right out from under
13:13That English Duke
13:14Oh, I love it, I love it
13:16And everything
13:17Will be coming up roses
13:18Roses?
13:21Boss, you gonna plant roses?
13:22I thought you were gonna sell
13:23That land to that supermarket chain
13:25I am, Pony
13:27Roses is a
13:28Well, it's just
13:30It's a way of saying
13:31Getting a quarter of a million dollars
13:34Oh, oh, quarter of a million
13:35Quarter of a million dollars
13:37Boss, can I ask you something?
13:39How much of that quarter of a million dollars
13:41Do I get?
13:42Very little
13:43As your brother-in-law, Roscoe
13:45I have a heartfelt interest
13:47In your affairs
13:48And I'd never forgive myself
13:50If the government put you
13:52In a higher income tax bracket
13:54Nobody thinks he's got a heart
14:04Luke, I hope y'all know
14:08This wasn't my idea
14:09That's all right, Enos
14:10You can tell me one thing, no
14:12After all these years
14:14Of me and Bo
14:15Racing around this county
14:16How come Roscoe
14:17Picked this particular time
14:18To run us in?
14:20I can't rightly say, Luke
14:21But I did hear
14:23Hear him say
14:24That Mr. Hogg
14:24Wants you three out of business
14:26Till afternoon on Monday
14:27He didn't say why
14:28Not to me, he didn't
14:30Thanks, Enos
14:33Hey, Enos
14:45And we're all done
14:47Yeah, we're all done
14:48You got any more you need us to do
14:49Y'all doing a good job
14:51Yes, sir
14:51Oh, my goodness
14:53Listen, fellas
14:55Them signs are funny
14:56But I don't think
14:57The sheriff's got my sense of humor now
14:59Oh, Enos
15:00Hi
15:01Ding, ding, Daisy
15:07It's good to see you
15:08But my orders say no visitors, honey
15:10Well, I figured
15:11They must be getting awful hungry
15:13Working as hard as they are
15:14And I know you wouldn't mind
15:15If I brought him some of my fried chicken
15:17Well, I guess it'd be all right, Daisy
15:20It sure beats that cream chip beef stuff
15:22We've been serving over at the jailhouse
15:23Well, I bet you're hungry, too
15:25Ain't you, Sugar?
15:26I sure am partial to your fried chicken, Daisy
15:28Oh, which part are you most partial to?
15:32My legs, my thighs, or my...
15:34Neck, neck
15:35That's my favorite
15:35That's my favorite part, Daisy
15:37Your neck
15:38I love your neck, Daisy
15:40I mean, chicken neck
15:41I love fried chicken
15:43Sugar, you keep getting a lot more chicken
15:45That's what you do
15:47Crossing on the gun bush, Daisy
15:50I believe the carugglers are stealing my car
15:52Hey, Anus, you ain't losing prisoners
16:02You gain the bucket of chicken
16:03Oh, oh, oh, oh
16:05Shoot
16:09Albie, is Jesse going to meet us
16:36At the old Shawnee Engine Cave?
16:38Yep
16:38Oh, hey, hey, Cousin Gaylord
16:40I want you to meet L.B. Davenport
16:41He's a real good friend of ours
16:42Any accessory to our escape
16:44Is also a friend of mine
16:45Pleasure, Mr. Davenport
16:46Mr. Davenport
16:47Oh, hey, Cousin Duke
16:49You sure talk nice
16:51Funny, but nice
16:53Cousin Gaylord's an Englishman
16:55Well, we can't all be perfect
16:56Uncle Jesse's salvation from his terrible temper
17:02Has always been his open mind
17:04Which just saved Bo and Luke from getting canned
17:06For running away from the law
17:08Now, let me get this straight
17:09Enus just told you boys flat out
17:11That Boss Hogg wanted him to take you out of commission
17:14Till noon Monday
17:15Sound familiar?
17:16Sir
17:16Well, that's the same time that the taxes are due on Gaylord property
17:21Well, I can't see what difference it would make to Boss
17:23Since he don't own that land
17:24And our cousin Gaylord here does
17:26Well, since when does ownership make any difference to Boss?
17:29This, uh, Boss chap sounds to me like a thoroughly reprehensible character
17:32Oh, no, no way
17:34That man's just plain bad
17:36I got a feeling old Boss's got somebody interested in that land
17:39Yeah, but how are we going to find out?
17:42Well, we can go down to the land office
17:43And, uh, see if somebody's filed a title claim
17:45Title search
17:46I'll go with you
17:48Homer, uh, Hotchkiss works down there
17:50And I've had him buffaloed since he was six years old
17:53Now, y'all realize the land office is right next to the sheriff's office
17:56And that means you're going to be walking into a hornet's nest
17:58Well, that just means that I'm going to have to take old Roscoe out
18:01For a little quick shucking and jiving
18:03So y'all can get in there
18:04Would someone care to explain to me shucking and jiving?
18:07Sure thing, Cousin Duke
18:09Them's just reprehensible words
18:12L.B., you know, you remind me of my Uncle Philip
18:14Marvelous sense of humor
18:16Good old Uncle Philip
18:17Yes
18:18Did I forget to give you his regards?
18:20I'm sorry about that
18:22Thank you
18:22Thank you
18:25You know
18:28I sure can't figure out why I bought these here dumb bills
18:32When I already had two
18:34Working for me
18:35Uh, but, boss, is he
18:36Never mind
18:38As County Commissioner
18:40I hereby relieve you both of all your duties
18:43Turn in them badges
18:44Oh, boss, now listen
18:46Why should I turn in my badge?
18:48It was Dipstick Ennis' fault
18:50He's the one that let them Duke boys escape
18:53For a bucket of chicken
18:54He still even smells finger-lickin' good
18:57Sure's right, Mr. Hobbs
19:02I'm the one that ought to lose my badge
19:04Not him
19:05You see?
19:05You see that?
19:06You see?
19:07Roscoe
19:08All I can see
19:09Is Tweedledee and Tweedledum
19:11Tweedledum
19:11Tweedledum
19:12You're dumb
19:13You're dumb
19:14Who might just cost me
19:16Getting a quarter million dollars Monday
19:18Boss, give me one more chance
19:20Just one more chance
19:21And I promise you
19:22I'll put them Duke boys behind bars before sunup
19:24See, I can do it if I put my mind to it
19:26Roscoe
19:27When you speak of your mind
19:29Lower your voice
19:30To show respect for the dead
19:32Purr
20:02Roscoe, what the devil is that racket out there?
20:06I don't know, but if that sucker doesn't stop honking that horn out there,
20:09I know one thing.
20:10I'm going to go out there and slap a $20 fine on him,
20:13make him put it in my hand for disturbing the peace.
20:16Well, sucker, you can just put that $20 in my hand in two tills,
20:20because that's your car out there making that racket.
20:22Get away from me.
20:24Boss, how could it be my car?
20:25I'm in here.
20:26I'm not honking at you.
20:29Hi, Roscoe.
20:29Oh, that's Bull Duke.
20:32Come on, Enos, let's kick him.
20:33Roscoe, remember, you guaranteed me all three Duke boys.
20:36And you'll get them if chicken never here won't get out of my way.
20:40Little in it.
20:41Oh, chicken, shoot.
20:48Your heart's blowing.
20:49I saw him.
20:50I know what's blowing, you dipstick.
20:52Get in there.
20:57Larry, follow me.
20:59Here they come, Luke.
21:08Just remember, you and Uncle Jesse got exactly 10 minutes.
21:11I'll read you loud and clear, Beau.
21:12That's a 10-4.
21:23Howdy, Homer.
21:24Hey, Homer.
21:26Uncle Jesse, did you know the law's looking for Luke here?
21:28Homer, we're looking for something important.
21:30We're going to need your help, all right?
21:31Now, I don't know about that.
21:33Now, Homer, do you remember when you was a little bitty boy, no longer than that, and you had the colic?
21:39And the only one you'd let take care of you or feed you or any of that was old Uncle Jesse.
21:45Now, Uncle Jesse, I'm still grateful.
21:47But circumventing the law just don't seem right.
21:49Don't seem right.
21:50Homer, how many people do you suppose know about that steel your daddy's keeping in that silo over there on your place?
21:59Oh, we best go in the back when nobody will see us.
22:04We best.
22:14General, if we hit that bump going this fast, we're going to be airborne.
22:17Let's see them try that.
22:32My father, I like being that name.
22:39They did try that.
22:41I don't have a gun.
22:42Who's teaching them that stuff?
22:43There never has been a recorded deed on this property.
23:13Yeah, our cousin Gaylord's got the original land grant to the place.
23:17Well, I reckon you know then about the back taxes due on it.
23:19The county takes over if they ain't paid by Monday noon.
23:22Then it goes up for public auction.
23:23We know that.
23:26You know, it'd be my job if the boss was to find out I told you to do this.
23:29Why is that, Homer?
23:30Well, there's a supermarket chain, the Dixie King.
23:33Been real interested in this property for a long time.
23:35So old boss Hogg told the sheriff not to post no notice about the public auction.
23:39So boss would be the only one to bid on it.
23:41Yeah, also meaning he'll be able to pick it up with practically nothing.
23:46Uh-oh.
23:47Now that's trouble looking for a place to happen.
23:50Well, thanks a lot, Homer.
23:53Oh, incidentally.
23:55You know, I never was sure whether you and your daddy kept a steal over in that silo or not.
23:59Let me start talking about that stealing.
24:10Well, I ought to be here in a second now.
24:13All right.
24:14Well, you take the truck and we'll pick up you later.
24:16You boys mind yourself, do you hear?
24:18All right.
24:18The best laid plans of mice and men.
24:38Never figured on a hazard head-on.
24:40This one's gonna get tricky.
24:41I told you it was gonna get tricky.
24:50I told you it was gonna get tricky.
24:50What it all boils down to is that if that auction ain't posted, J.D. Hogg's gonna be the only one bidding on the property.
25:15The man's a rogue.
25:16An absolute blackguard.
25:18Ooh, Cousin Gaylord, I love the way you English talk English.
25:22The way I see it, old boss has already made a deal to sell that land to the Dixie King supermarkets.
25:27Well, he don't even own it yet.
25:28Yeah, and we must prevent him from doing so, too.
25:31But how?
25:31To borrow a word of yours, we're gonna out-blaggard the blaggard.
25:35I don't think I'm following you, Luke.
25:36Well, Luke's line of thinking he needs to follow for anybody.
25:40If this thing works, we're gonna have the pleasure of having Boss Hogg pay the back taxes for you.
25:44Boss Hogg?
25:45Yeah, but we're gonna need Cousin Gaylord's help.
25:48You're gonna make Boss Hogg an offer he can't refuse.
25:51You in?
25:52I am your servant, son.
25:53All right.
25:56I like your style.
25:59You got gum.
26:00You get that from your Aunt Katie.
26:03How is Aunt Katie, by the way?
26:04Aunt Katie?
26:06Oh, you mean Aunt Catherine.
26:08Oh, she always preferred Catherine, you know.
26:10Oh, she's fine, so fine.
26:11Glad to hear that.
26:16All right, now, here's the deal.
26:17Now, getting Boss Hogg to pay off back taxes due on the Duke land is like getting blood from a turnip.
26:23Uh, milk from a bull.
26:25Or was it bull from a turnip?
26:26Now, you got it all straight when I told you to tell Boss.
26:39Luke, I think you've sufficiently drummed it in.
26:41There's one conversation I would just love to hear.
26:44No reason why not.
26:46He's got a CB receiver right on his desk.
26:48Now, if you get a chance, just flip it on, okay?
26:50Okay, will do.
26:51All right.
26:51See you later.
26:52Another breeze.
26:55Mater, Mater, I warned you.
26:57I know I've got three cheers, but I love every one of them.
27:02Come for here, young.
27:06Mr. Hogg, I presume.
27:08Yes?
27:09My name's Gaylord Duke.
27:11Yeah.
27:12Oh, the English Duke.
27:13The sheriff's going to love having a fancy pants in jail.
27:18Just one moment, Mr. Hogg.
27:20What?
27:20If you please.
27:21Yeah.
27:22Oh.
27:22Yeah.
27:23I thought you might like to hear what I have to say about a proposed partnership.
27:28Partnership?
27:29What the devil's partnership you talking about?
27:32My dear fellow, would it be possible to have this discussion in private?
27:35Huh?
27:35Oh, yeah, me and I go wait outside.
27:38And if I call you, come running.
27:42Now then.
27:43What's this here partnership all about?
27:46Well, it's appallingly simple, really.
27:48You want something I got, and I want something you got.
27:51You possess something I desire, and I possess something you desire.
27:55Close enough?
27:56Well, he says a whole lot prettier than you do.
27:58Well, as you may know, my grandfather left me in his will a little piece of property.
28:02Yeah, yeah.
28:03Oh, I know all about that.
28:05Now, how do you propose to pay the back taxes on that property?
28:09I don't.
28:10I was rather hoping that you might take care of that little trifle for me.
28:14Me?
28:15Oh, you expect me to pay your back taxes?
28:20For which, in return, I am prepared to split 50-50 with you the net proceeds of the sale
28:24of the land to the Dixie King supermarket chain.
28:27Huh?
28:28How'd you know about that?
28:32Intuition, dear boy, intuition.
28:34If, however, you refuse, I am prepared to force a litigation which, after a lengthy trial
28:39and several appeals, is bound to hold up the title on that land for many years, by which
28:45time I dare say, Mr. Hogg, you will have lost all opportunity to sell the land at its presently
28:49valued estate.
28:50Am I correct?
28:51That's blackmail!
28:52That's blackmail!
28:53Well, how'd you know he's gonna say that?
28:56Intuition, dear boy.
28:57Intuition.
28:58But, though my name is Hogg, I ain't no pig.
29:01I mean, a definite $125,000 is sure better than a maybe quarter of a million.
29:07Good night.
29:07All right.
29:08All right.
29:09Now then, you got that deed with you?
29:13Shrewd and cautious.
29:14I like that in a man.
29:16Yes, of course.
29:20Yeah?
29:21Unsigned, as yet by me, of course, until our agreement is consummated.
29:26Can you do that to deals, too?
29:28All right.
29:29Partner, you got yourself a deal.
29:38Oh, boss sure took the bait, didn't he?
29:44Yes.
29:46Thanks to the inspired words provided by cousin Luke.
29:48Yeah.
29:49Well, gentlemen, tomorrow morning, Mr. Boss Hogg and I will deliver the tax money to the
29:53county seat.
29:54That's providing we ain't in jail by then.
29:56Huh?
29:57Hello, Roscoe.
29:58Boss, this is Sheriff Roscoe, Pete Coltrane.
30:02Listen, I got them dukes on a one-way road headed for the river.
30:05Come back.
30:06Well, you can just turn that car of yours around and let them be.
30:10One of them dukes is now my partner.
30:12Listen, I think something crawled in my seat and died.
30:14I thought I heard you said you made one of them dukes a partner come back.
30:18Yeah, I did.
30:19Listen, I mean the fancy pants falling one.
30:21So you just cease and desist for now.
30:24You hear?
30:25That's a little 10-4.
30:27Judas Priest on a pony making a duke a part of that criminal.
30:30I mean, that's a mess.
30:41Hey.
30:41Cousin Gaylord, I figured you might favor a picnic with me.
30:49Why, Daisy?
30:50I'd be on it.
30:51Daisy, we got no time for a picnic now.
30:53Where's Uncle Jesse?
30:54He's gone.
30:54He's been gone for quite a spell, Luke.
30:56Will he say where he's going?
30:57Nope, just went.
30:58Well, I didn't like him.
30:59Well, it ain't.
31:00Looks like we got to wait.
31:02Meanwhile, I guess Cousin Gaylord and I have time at least for a little walk.
31:06At least.
31:11Cousin, you get the feeling Daisy's coming down with a little something for Cousin Gaylord?
31:17Nope.
31:20She's already got it.
31:22You know something?
31:24I'm so glad you came into our lives, Cousin Gaylord.
31:27Mine in particular.
31:29I'm glad you said that, Daisy.
31:31Because I feel exactly the same way about you.
31:33Where you been, Uncle Jesse?
31:42I've been worried about you.
31:43I've been to the telegraph office.
31:45You know, when Cousin Gaylord gave me Uncle Phillips' best regards,
31:48I got to thinking Uncle Phillips can't give nobody best regards.
31:51He's been dead for ten years.
31:53Well, Uncle Jesse, maybe he...
31:54No, maybe he's about it.
31:55And Aunt Katie?
31:57She doesn't prefer to be called Catherine.
31:59She prefers to be called Katrina.
32:01Are you saying what I think you're saying?
32:03That fella don't look like no Duke, and he doesn't act like no Duke.
32:07This here's a telegram that I got back in answer to the one that I sent your real cousin.
32:12You mean that that dude out there with Daisy in the woods is a phony?
32:16As a seven dollar bill.
32:18I'm not very, very attracted to you.
32:22Me to you.
32:23I won't say that to just anyone, Gaylord.
32:25Your real cousin, Gaylord, is a preacher man.
32:35He, uh, well, he kind of runs a halfway house for fellas just coming out of prison.
32:40And it seems about three weeks ago, his strong box came up missing,
32:43along with some papers and pictures.
32:45And the land grant.
32:47That's key wrecked.
32:48And right at that same time, something else came up missing.
32:51A young con man that just got out of prison by the name of Roger Blevins.
32:55Well, it don't take too much to figure out who he is.
32:58You don't need lessons in shuck and jive, either.
33:00Here we sit, hiding out, running from Roscoe and Boss all because of him.
33:06Speak of the devil.
33:07I don't care.
33:10You're just so cute.
33:11Say anything you want.
33:14I, uh, just got this in answer to a telegram I sent to England.
33:21I don't suppose I have to tell you what's in it, do I, Roger?
33:26Oh, dear.
33:29So you know who I am?
33:31That's right.
33:32We know you're a fake.
33:34How did you find out?
33:34No, don't tell me.
33:37Uncle Philip and Aunt Catherine, I guess, badly on both counts, didn't I?
33:40Real badly.
33:42You know, you're kind of a likable fella.
33:47And you got the gumption of a duke.
33:50It's too bad you ain't got duke blood in your veins.
33:53If you did have, you know what's right and what's wrong and what's good and bad in this world.
33:58I'm so disgusted with you, I can't even be mad at you.
34:02I just feel sorry for you.
34:07I ain't never gone against anything Uncle Jesse's told me as being truth.
34:11But if you tell me what he's saying ain't true, I'll believe you.
34:17It all ain't true, is it?
34:19I'm afraid I'm not much of a one for lying to ladies, Daisy.
34:23It's true.
34:26You lied to me?
34:28Yes, I'm sorry.
34:34Oh, Uncle Jesse, you lied.
34:37He lied to all of us, Daisy.
34:38Now, I told y'all that there's something wrong with that boy.
34:45Anybody that lied to Daisy is un-American.
34:48Well, there'll be no need for gags, I imagine.
35:00You can shout all you will, and I don't think anybody will hear you up here.
35:03You ain't heard the last of us yet.
35:05Just remember that.
35:06You picked the wrong family to double deal, and don't you think we're gonna set still for it?
35:10I could just wash my mouth out with soap for the things I said to you.
35:13I love the things you said, Daisy.
35:15And I am very sorry I hurt you.
35:18Cheerio, Daisy.
35:22Now, if you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I'm afraid I must be running.
35:25But you may rest assured that if you're not free of your ropes by mid-evening tonight,
35:30I'll send someone up to set you free.
35:31I did enjoy being a Duke of Hazard County while it lasted.
35:35I'm just very sorry that it should have ended this way.
35:38Goodbye.
35:38Twenty-three thousand, twenty-four thousand, twenty-five thousand, twenty-six thousand, twenty-seven thousand,
35:44twenty-eight thousand simoleons.
35:47What?
35:48U.S. legal tender dollar.
35:50Jesse was close.
35:51And now, it's your turn to make a contribution to the kitty, partner.
35:56Or should I say, your Duke ship, partner.
36:01Right.
36:01Oh, uh, your Duke ship, I believe you've already met our local sheriff and his deputy, ain't you?
36:10Roscoe P. Coltrane.
36:12Charmed, I'm sure.
36:14Oh, thank you.
36:15I'm sure charmed, too.
36:16Enos, I'll tell you when to be charmed.
36:18Roscoe, pay attention here now, will you?
36:20Now, you and Enos are gonna escort me and my new partner here, his Duke ship,
36:24to the county seat at Coralville.
36:26Uh, be charmed.
36:27Plus, I want you to lead us all.
36:31You get a good head start, in case them Dukes show up on the way.
36:35I don't think there's any danger of that.
36:37The last I saw of them, they were rather tied up.
36:40Oh.
36:41All right.
36:43Enos, open the door.
36:44Don't he talk, lad?
36:45No.
36:46Warner, he sounds real good.
36:48Come on.
36:49He made me feel like one day I was gonna be his Duchess.
36:54He sure treated me like one.
36:56Oh, honey.
36:56He showed me how to curtsy for meeting the Queen.
36:59Now, Daisy, quit ripping yourself up over a no-account like that.
37:05Ripping myself up?
37:06Uncle Jesse, it's that no-account that's gonna get himself ripped up when I catch him.
37:11That's my Daisy.
37:14Oh, yeah.
37:16Whew.
37:17We got a little over an hour left, so we're gonna have to work fast.
37:21Friends, I think the fat is fixing to fall in the fire.
37:28There.
37:29See, Boss and our friend are gonna be heading over to Correville to the county seat any minute now.
37:34We gotta make sure they get there in time.
37:35Well, time for what?
37:39Well, to pay the back taxes on that land.
37:42Just according to the original plan.
37:44But this time, we're gonna work a switch.
37:46I think Milford can help us out.
37:48Milford?
37:49Milford?
37:50I thought I knew everybody in Hazard County.
37:52All right.
37:52Pick up Milford and meet us at the top of Razorback Hill.
37:54Oh, we'll be there.
38:17Now, part of Luke's plan was to get rid of Roscoe so Milford could do his thing.
38:24So much for part one.
38:40Scratch Roscoe.
38:42You just...
38:43You just...
38:44Make me walk.
38:47Like a woman.
38:48And do anything when I want her to.
38:54Friends and neighbors, meet Milford.
39:05He's a genuine hazard polecat.
39:10Come on!
39:12Ah!
39:13Road work or no road work?
39:15Get that barrier.
39:16It's not a week.
39:16Yes, sir, Bob.
39:17Hey, hey, scum!
39:19Forget the women and children.
39:20I'm going crazy!
39:22Get out of here before you let's lose.
39:24Come on!
39:24Get back to the rear!
39:26Come on now!
39:27Hey!
39:43All right, Luke, I got to need.
39:46Come on, Milford, you've done your job.
39:52No!
39:53No!
39:54Did you see that?
39:55A skunk!
39:56It fell right out of the sky, right to my car!
39:58No offense, Mr. Hall, but that polecat didn't like the way you smell any more than you like
40:02the way he does.
40:03He's probably gone by now.
40:05Well, I think we should be pressing on.
40:06Time is running out.
40:07Yes, so it is.
40:08Yes, so it is.
40:08Look, you, go on.
40:09Get them barriers out of the road.
40:12Hey, just don't stand there!
40:13Go get in your car, will you?
40:14Yes, sir.
40:15Yes, sir.
40:15Gotta go!
40:17That dead blasted Roscoe, he's supposed to be up ahead of us, protecting us from flying skunks
40:22and such like.
40:23Where is he?
40:28These metal muffins.
40:30Everything's all right in there, Hogg?
40:32A little quick to go.
40:33Good.
40:34All right, come on now.
40:36Well, hands are easy.
40:38On to Coralville.
40:39Well, it appears as if you made it just in time, Mr. Hogg.
40:56That's high noon.
40:57That's right.
40:58Now, I'll get this here money in safe.
41:00All right.
41:03Your Duke ship, you see that man standing out over in there?
41:06He's from the Dixie King supermarket, people.
41:11Be my guess, he's got ready cash, right in that briefcase, to take this piece of property
41:16right off our hands.
41:20Now, Mr. Hogg, if you'll give me that deed, we'll get it properly recorded.
41:25Be my pleasure, sir.
41:26Yes, sir.
41:34Is this your idea of a joke, sir?
41:36What do you mean?
41:38Well, that ain't no deed.
41:40It ain't.
41:47How'd this get in there?
41:48I wish I knew.
41:51Same jukes.
41:52I knew it.
41:53They were...
41:54Oh, Mr. Dixie King!
41:56Don't you go off like this.
41:58This is only temporary.
41:59We're gonna get everything straightened out.
42:01Oh, your name is Lord.
42:10Yo, ho, crazy is a personal favorite, Enid.
42:12Ho, ho, ho.
42:13Hey, Enid.
42:19Hey, y'all aren't arrest now.
42:20Stop.
42:21Enid, Enid, ho, hush up, hush up.
42:23Nothing personal, you understand.
42:24Your duke ship, I told you that they don't make no ropes that'll hold no duke for no length
42:29of time.
42:29So I see.
42:30Look, Jesse, I just paid the back taxes on that old Henshaw, please.
42:34But for some reason that you may know of, we couldn't come up with a deal.
42:39Now, I'm gonna ask you to go in there and tell me it's all a big mistake and at least
42:43give me my money back.
42:44Well, you know how them tax people are, J.D.
42:48Once they, uh, get their hands on your money, you can't get it back with a gun.
42:53Well, then I'm gonna see you all in court when I see you.
42:56I shouldn't be too hasty making that decision, Mr. Hogg.
42:58After all, there are certain illegal irregularities in our agreement.
43:01All of us here that are involved are undoubtedly gonna be called into court to testify under
43:06oath.
43:08And one thing they're gonna get you for, boss, is dealing with an imposter.
43:12You see, boss, he ain't our cousin.
43:14He ain't a duke.
43:15He ain't even a gentleman.
43:17Well, then who in the name of all this holy is he?
43:20Just, uh, some imposter that was trying to pull an English shuckin' jive on us.
43:26He had us fooled for a minute.
43:27Me, mostly.
43:28Yeah, let's see.
43:31Now, what else is there?
43:32There's a withholding notice of the public sale of county property.
43:35Then there's a usual fraud, a misrepresentation.
43:38Do you trick me?
43:39You trick me?
43:40I thought you'd see it our way, J.D.
43:42You are gonna drop the charges against these boys, ain't you?
43:46Oh, you dukes, dukes, dukes, dukes.
43:51May I say it's been, uh, absolutely charming.
43:55Let's get after him.
43:57Wait a minute, fellas.
43:58This one's mine.
44:08Now, this ain't over yet, folks.
44:10Not when a girl like Daisy's still got cotton to chop and a rooster to pluck.
44:14Well, let's go.
44:21This is gonna be fun.
44:22All right.
44:24Just don't stand there, you mummy.
44:26They're not the lawyer.
44:27You are.
44:27Yes, sir, Mr. Alk.
44:32Take me under, please, where there ain't no dukes.
44:34Hey, she's gamin' on it.
44:59Sorry, Mr. Next time you meet a real lady, you better learn some manners.
45:14Woo-hoo!
45:14Give me those, Enos.
45:28Nothing's worth doing unless you finish it yourself.
45:38Ain't it a shame?
45:39We're never gonna know what we missed.
45:41Daisy, I know exactly what I've missed.
45:43As for Daisy, it'll take time for her to get over a man that she really set her heart on.
45:49Until the next time.
45:51And as for Roscoe...
45:55Who's a buzzard?
45:56What are you doing up there?
45:57You ain't gonna get me.
45:59I'm down here, and I'll slap one of these shots into your tail feathers.
46:04And old boss wasn't about to give up trying to run the dukes out of Hazard County.
46:08One thing about Hazard, folks, they don't quit.
46:11Y'all come back now.
46:13I'm down here, and pull me off.
47:21Straightening the curves, flattening the hills. Someday the mountain might get them, but the law never will.
47:32Making their way the only way they know how. That's just a little bit more than the law will allow. Just a good old boy.
47:48It wouldn't change if they could. Fighting the system like a true modern-day Robin Hood.
47:57Yee-haw!