Malcolm In The Middle Season 4 Episode 18 Reese's Party
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00:00Oooooh.
00:02Oooooh.
00:24Wow! That was quick!
00:28You must have been really hungry.
00:58You're not the boss of me now.
01:00You're not the boss of me now.
01:02You're not the boss of me now.
01:04And you're not so big.
01:08Life is unfair.
01:12You're not the boss of me now.
01:18Come on boys, breakfast!
01:19Let's go!
01:20You're gonna be late!
01:21Help!
01:22Look what you're doing.
01:24Oh, for god's sake!
01:26Ah!
01:27My last good time!
01:28No, I just bought you a whole twelve pack!
01:30Well, I went through it!
01:32Mom!
01:33Oh, for the love of Pete!
01:35Rich blew his nose on my shirt!
01:38Because Dewey put his dirty underwear on my pillow!
01:41And one of them used my graphing calculator to smash open a juice box!
01:45Everybody just shut up!
01:47Your mother is nine months pregnant.
01:49She's stressed out enough, as it is, she doesn't need all this screaming!
01:53Wait, you know what?
01:55I know how to solve this.
01:58We're only gonna be gone for two days!
02:02We're gonna have at least one weekend before this baby's born where we get some peace and quiet!
02:07Without us?
02:08You know the plan?
02:09As soon as you leave, I put Reese on a bus to see his grandma in Canada.
02:13After school, I take Malcolm over to Stevie's, and Dewey stays with me!
02:18Looks like you're the lucky winner!
02:20Why are you splitting us up?
02:22Because this is the only way the judge would let us leave town!
02:29Have fun in school today, suckers!
02:32I'll send you a postcard from Whitehorse!
02:35Reese, figure it out!
02:36It takes 26 hours to get there and 26 hours back!
02:40Your backpack is full of food, and no one ever called Grandma!
02:45Wait a minute!
02:47I'm spending the entire weekend on this bus?!
02:52Oh, I'm so glad we're finally here!
02:58I can't believe you made me walk that extra 150 yards!
03:01Trust me, valet parking, even complimentary valet parking, is a scam!
03:06Welcome to Lovebirds and Couples Resort!
03:10Wow!
03:11Hi!
03:12We have a reservation!
03:14Could we get to our room quickly?
03:16I really have to use the bathroom!
03:18Again?
03:19I'm sorry, but the room we were holding for you is no longer available!
03:22You gave away our room?!
03:24I'm sorry sir, you were 4 hours late and you didn't call!
03:27But it's my wife!
03:28We have to stop every 10 miles because she has to pee all the time!
03:32I do not have to pee all the time!
03:34Don't worry, I think we can find you something!
03:37I don't know if you've read our brochures, but this is sort of a romantic hideaway for couples!
03:46We know what it is!
03:47Let me see what I can do!
03:49I have to get off my feet!
03:52Angela?
03:53Yes, Warren?
03:54Yes?
03:56Oh, I am so sorry, I just had to sit down!
04:03Don't mind me!
04:05Do you mind if we turn off that fireplace?
04:08I'm sweating like a pig!
04:10Well, little man, you and I have quite the fun-filled weekend ahead of us!
04:17Tomorrow morning, there's jazz at the farmer's market!
04:21Then Lifetime is having an intimate portrait of Sandy Bullock!
04:25And tomorrow night, there's improv in the park with a political bend!
04:29Sound fun?
04:30I think I just want to play!
04:32Play?
04:33Well, sure, we could squeeze in some play, I guess!
04:36Why don't you go ahead and get that started?
04:38No, I mean play together!
04:40What do you mean?
04:41We can play fort!
04:42Oh, I don't have fort!
04:44I have Clue, but it's a collector's edition, unopened!
04:48If you want, I can show you a picture of it!
04:50No, you don't have to have fort!
04:52You just do it!
04:53Didn't you ever play fort with your friends when you were a kid?
04:57Of course I played!
04:59I had friends!
05:00Plenty of friends!
05:02And you're short!
05:04Come on, I'll show ya!
05:06Hello, ma'am!
05:07This is Mel Jenkins with Transway Bus Lines!
05:11I don't know how to tell you this!
05:13I was keeping an eye on your son for you like you asked, but when we got out on the interstate,
05:19he went into the bathroom and...
05:21Well, he must have jumped out the window while we were moving!
05:25I'd gone 60 miles before I noticed!
05:28What?
05:29How could you do this to my favorite son?
05:32The only one I ever loved is now lying in a ditch somewhere!
05:38Well, I better call the coffin store!
05:42Goodbye!
05:43Goodbye!
06:03I knew it!
06:04I knew if I came back I'd catch you here!
06:06You can't be trusted for five seconds, let alone a whole weekend!
06:10Okay, look!
06:11Just don't tell...
06:13Wait a minute!
06:15What are you doing here?
06:16Me?
06:18I'm here to...
06:20Guard the house from your bad things you're doing!
06:23What's in the bag?
06:25Candles?
06:27Chocolate-covered strawberries?
06:31Sleepless in Seattle?
06:34My god, you're gay!
06:35No, I'm not!
06:36Look, I don't know how I did it, but I talked Kathy McColson
06:39into coming over tonight!
06:42Kathy McColson?
06:45I'm impressed!
06:46She doesn't leave her house for anything less than second base!
06:49Which is exactly why we need the house to ourselves!
06:52I'm sorry, Malcolm!
06:53I'm already committed to this party!
06:54Rhys, you've seen enough teenage movies to know how badly this is going to turn out!
06:59I haven't just seen them, I've studied them!
07:01And I found the fatal flaw!
07:03In every one of those movies, the party was on a Saturday night!
07:08Mine?
07:09Friday!
07:10This gives me an extra day to refill the pool, replace the crystal thing, turn back the odometer,
07:16and get the dead bodies back in the ground!
07:18Please don't do this to me!
07:20Tell you what, Malcolm!
07:21I'll try and keep the front room closet off limits as long as I can!
07:30I thought we reserved a deluxe suite!
07:32No, ma'am!
07:33This is the petite sleeper!
07:35Thank you!
07:36Thank you very much!
07:37Why would they bother giving you a confirmation number if they're just going to give your room away anyway?
07:44Don't be mad at them!
07:46It's not their fault!
07:47Oh, yeah, so it's my fault!
07:49I didn't say that!
07:51Well, at least we have a great view of the parking lot from here!
07:54At home I have to crane my neck to see our car!
07:57Look, you know what?
07:58The room is what it is!
08:00So we just have to try to make the best of it!
08:02We're here!
08:03We have a little time to ourselves!
08:05Find a way to enjoy it!
08:08Hmm?
08:09Mm-hmm!
08:10Do I have to pee?
08:12Of course you do!
08:15Oh, perfect!
08:16They promised us a heart-shaped tub!
08:19We got a tub-shaped tub!
08:20Oh, the love of God!
08:22Will you take a break?!
08:24Look, I know you're pregnant!
08:26I know you're uncomfortable!
08:28I know you're swollen and puffy and distended and inflated!
08:32But you've just got to stop complaining!
08:35Well, I'm sorry I'm such a burden!
08:38In another three weeks you won't ever have to suffer through this again!
08:41Well, we don't know that.
08:45What did you say?
08:46I said I'd move the car!
08:50No!
08:51You said we don't know that!
08:53But, Hal?
08:54Hal, we do know that!
08:56Because you had a vasectomy!
08:58Yes, I did!
09:01Oh, my God!
09:03You didn't do it!
09:04You lied to me!
09:06Just a little!
09:07Hal, you sat with an ice pack on your crotch for three days!
09:10Well, that should count for something!
09:12Hal, we talked about this!
09:14We agreed on this!
09:15No, you agreed on it!
09:17I never wanted a vasectomy!
09:19There are plenty of other methods out there!
09:21Oh, yeah, they work!
09:23We've got our rhythm method child, our diaphragm child, our condom child, oh, yes!
09:29And our two abstinence children!
09:31Lois, you just don't understand how extraordinarily precious those parts are to me!
09:37Precious Hal, give me a break!
09:40You're not that guy!
09:42You've never been that guy!
09:45When it comes to this, every guy is that guy!
09:51C, four!
09:53Hit!
09:58E, four!
10:07Hey, you guys wanna come to a party at my house?
10:20It's gonna be amazing!
10:22But parents are gone for the whole weekend!
10:24The whole weekend?
10:26You heard me!
10:2748 hours, totally unsupervised!
10:30Anything goes!
10:32Total freedom, man!
10:33Interesting!
10:37This'll do!
10:53What's this junk?
10:54What is going on?
10:55Okay, here's what's gonna happen.
10:57We have some private business to conduct.
11:00This is now our garage for the next 48 hours.
11:03You don't come near it.
11:05You don't ask about it.
11:07We get out before your parents come back.
11:09They never have to find out that you're the one who invited us.
11:12What the hell are you guys doing?
11:14You know, he just explained it really well.
11:16But all I could hear is my own heartbeat.
11:18Reese, that stuff is-
11:19See, that's you guys talking, and that doesn't work for me.
11:23Now, can I trust that you guys won't talk?
11:26Or am I gonna have to remove something to make it physically impossible?
11:30I just wanna go like this.
11:31So anyway...
11:32No, no, no.
11:33No, no, no, no, no.
11:34I'm gonna have to leave.
11:35I'm gonna be in this place.
11:36You can go there.
11:37You ain't gonna have to be behind me, and I'm gonna have to leave.
11:39That stuff is very funny.
11:41I'm gonna have to leave.
11:42I'm gonna have to leave.
11:43But you also know the stairs.
11:44You gotta never quit.
11:45It's more like that.
11:46I can't remember.
11:47I can't remember.
11:48No, no, no, no, no.
11:49No, no, no.
11:50No.
11:51No, no, no.
11:52No, no, no.
11:53What's this?
11:54No, no, no, no.
11:55No, no, no.
11:56No!
11:57and that is not the worst part of the operation
12:17once they split open your coin purse
12:22they pull out the vase difference
12:23put it on the table
12:25and they don't always get it on the first chop either
12:30can I get you guys another drink
12:33set us up
12:33it's been three hours since these guys took over our house
12:39so far there's been a few fires
12:42I've had a bottle thrown at me
12:44and I've even been threatened with death
12:46on the other hand
12:47they haven't stopped raving about Reese's bean dip
12:50so the evening could go either way
12:52did fast Eddie like a salmon
12:55in about an hour I'm gonna need you guys to dump a 50 gallon drum
12:59of stuff
13:02do it quick
13:03don't draw attention to yourselves
13:05and don't breathe in when you're doing it
13:06look
13:07it's one thing to ask us to stay out of your business
13:09but when you try to involve us
13:11okay
13:12hey Donnie
13:13the souffles are almost up
13:15who the hell is that
13:19I don't know
13:20it's
13:20oh no
13:22who ordered the girl
13:30not me
13:30I can't do it
13:31Kathy hi
13:33hey
13:34you didn't tell me there were gonna be other guys here
13:38yeah well
13:39just cause you read something on a bathroom wall
13:41doesn't mean it's true
13:43no
13:43look
13:44these are cousins of mine
13:46you know
13:47friend cousins
13:48they dropped in unexpectedly
13:50so
13:51you know right now isn't a good time
13:53obviously not
13:54but we can still do the dinner and talking part
13:57god
13:57yeah
13:58yeah man
13:59show some class
14:00thank you
14:02Kathy
14:02listen
14:03you have to trust me on this one
14:04hey
14:05bring your girlfriend in here
14:07yeah
14:09oh
14:09oh
14:10oh
14:11oh
14:12oh
14:13oh
14:14oh
14:15oh
14:16oh
14:17oh
14:18oh
14:19oh
14:20oh
14:21oh
14:22oh
14:23oh
14:24oh
14:25oh
14:26oh
14:27oh
14:28oh
14:29oh
14:30oh
14:32oh
14:33oh
14:34oh
14:35oh
14:36oh
14:37oh
14:38oh
14:39oh
14:40oh
14:41oh
14:42oh
14:43oh
14:44oh
14:45oh
14:46oh
14:47oh
14:48oh
14:49oh
14:50oh
14:51oh
14:52oh
14:53oh
14:54oh
14:55oh
14:56There you are.
15:10What's wrong?
15:13No one ever found me before.
15:17It's because you're such a good hider.
15:21Yeah, that's probably it.
15:23Just, uh, put it anywhere.
15:29We had a hard time finding this, old girl.
15:32You can imagine we don't get much called for it,
15:34just being a couple's resort and all.
15:36Uh-huh.
15:36Now, I sure ain't even know how to operate the dang thing.
15:39Well, I'm sure you figured it out.
15:42My gosh.
15:43I've been here for over 30 years,
15:45and I ain't never done this before.
15:47We see all kind of couples here,
15:49but I've never seen this...
15:51Thank you. I'll finish this.
15:53Fine by me.
15:54I gotta go up to room 318
15:56and fill the bathtub with rose petals.
16:06Oh!
16:08Five points for Chuck!
16:13Oh, crotch again!
16:15Fifteen points.
16:17Nice shot, Randy.
16:18Chuck!
16:19Randy, we gotta put in the catalyst.
16:21Okay, we can finish this game later.
16:24Don't look so down, Chuck.
16:25You're still in this.
16:29I think it's a party again.
16:30Are you kidding me?
16:32This is a hostage situation.
16:34No.
16:35Reese, haven't you ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome?
16:37You're starting to identify with your captors.
16:40What captors?
16:41These guys saved my life, man.
16:42Because they decided not to kill you.
16:44Same thing.
16:46They've made us accessories to some kind of felony.
16:49They're setting up a decontamination shower
16:51in front of the garage,
16:52and poor Kathy must have been completely traumatized.
16:55Where'd she go anyway?
16:57I'm never gonna forgive myself for dragging her into this.
17:00We have to do something.
17:01You've gotta relax, Malcolm.
17:03Some of these guys are really nice.
17:05Have you had Big Wanda tell your fortune?
17:07Look, we can't handle this ourselves.
17:09We don't know how to deal with a whole bunch of low-life criminals.
17:12We need help.
17:15You guys did the right thing by calling me.
17:17Sorry to drag you out here all the way from the ranch.
17:21This shouldn't take long.
17:23They all in there?
17:24Yeah, well, one of them's in the bedroom with Kathy.
17:27Who's Kathy?
17:29My date.
17:31Dude.
17:32What are you gonna do?
17:33How are you gonna get them out?
17:34Whoa, whoa, slow down.
17:37You gotta think these things through.
17:39We're gonna handle this real delicately.
17:42When you're dealing with a complex psychological situation,
17:46you have to remember,
17:47there's a lot of subtle machinations that come into play.
17:58Donnie?
17:59Francis?
18:00What are you doing here?
18:01I heard you were in Alaska.
18:02No, I'm working at a ranch now.
18:04How are you doing?
18:05You still hanging out at Kelsey's?
18:07No.
18:07They went karaoke.
18:09Ugh, this town.
18:11So listen, this is my parents' house.
18:14These are my brothers.
18:16I know you didn't know that,
18:17but when you and your buddies took over the place,
18:20you kind of freaked them out a little bit.
18:21So, uh, maybe you want to take this someplace else.
18:26Yeah, you know what?
18:27That just sounds like it's gonna be hard.
18:30So, no.
18:32Hey, look, dude.
18:34I know you don't want me to get the cops over here, do you?
18:37And I'm sure you wouldn't want me to tell them who pulled over the water tower.
18:40That was you, Francis.
18:43Really?
18:45Well, then, maybe I should tell them about the highway overpass.
18:49That was also you.
18:52The car wash?
18:54The sinkhole?
18:55All you.
18:56Huh.
18:56Um, okay, well, you guys sit tight and we'll be in the house, if that's okay.
19:07Well, I think we gave him enough to think about.
19:09Well, I thought I saw a spider.
19:30Want to just cut our losses and check out in the morning?
19:34I guess.
19:36Should we still do the afterglow breakfast?
19:39Well, we gotta eat.
19:53Are you sure I'm not too old for winky dinks?
19:56The box says for ages ain't enough.
19:58Well, I'm right smack dab in the middle of that window.
20:01Ha, ha, ha.
20:09What the hell is this?
20:13Shh.
20:15We just got them to go to sleep.
20:18You boys aren't even supposed to be here and you're throwing a co-ed slumber party?
20:23Who's the fat chick?
20:25Okay, that's it.
20:26I want everybody out of here pronto.
20:29Hey, no one tells us what to do.
20:32I'm sure.
20:33Craig, you might want to...
20:34None of your excuses.
20:36You and your little friends are in a boatload of trouble.
20:40Let's just go back to Craig's apartment and wait it out till Sunday.
20:54We can't just leave him here.
20:56Dewey, there's a principle I learned in military school.
20:59The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the guy who can't run fast.
21:02No, we face-painted each other.
21:05I'm not leaving him here.
21:07Dewey, there's nothing we can do.
21:09God, not the grabber's dough!
21:14I know what to do.
21:21Seven minutes till checkout.
21:24Do you have the soap, the sewing kit, and the stationery?
21:27Got them.
21:27I also got the shampoos and the shoe cloth.
21:30I couldn't find the shower caps.
21:31I got them.
21:32Good.
21:32Are you coming?
21:39No.
21:40This is ridiculous.
21:42We came all this way to have one relaxing, romantic weekend,
21:47and we're more tense than when we left the house.
21:50Well, there's nothing we can do about it now.
21:52Yes, there is.
21:53We got seven minutes left.
21:55We paid for it.
21:56We're going to use it.
21:58How?
21:59By doing one nice thing for each other before we go.
22:02And we better make it good, because we're not going to have another chance at it for 18 years.
22:09Well, I suppose I could be persuaded to make a gesture.
22:19Will you rub my feet?
22:21I would love to rub your feet.
22:24I would love to rub your feet.
22:35What can I do for you?
22:38Please leave my balls alone.
22:40Okay.
22:43Sir?
22:43Ma'am?
22:43Checkout was two hours ago, and we really do need the room.
23:03Hello?
23:05Hello?
23:14What the hell do you think you're doing?
23:15I think it would be best if you left.
23:18Now.
23:18That's what you think, huh?
23:34Yeah.
23:35That's what I think.
23:37Well, I think we're going to take a pass on that.
23:40Okay, Donnie.
23:41Just remember.
23:43You drove me to this.
23:44Really, what exactly did we just drive you to?
23:47I told.
23:51Oh, you told.
23:55I called your moms, and I told on you.
23:58You called my mommy?
24:02Donnie!
24:03Mom?
24:05What are you doing here?
24:07Trying to hide how ashamed I am at your behavior and wondering where I went wrong.
24:12Oh, come on.
24:13Your father and I tried to give you the best life possible, and this is how we're paid back?
24:18Ma'am, you don't own me.
24:20I make my own decisions now.
24:21These are the decisions you make?
24:24This is the life you choose?
24:26Who's covering your shift at the suit outlet?
24:29Dude, you are so busted.
24:33Don't you be so smug, David Allen Ferguson.
24:37Believe me, every one of your stepfathers is going to hear about this.
24:41You say goodbye to your friends, and you get in the car right now!
24:46I forgot how good it feels to tell.
25:02Yeah, everything was fine.
25:03You know, kind of boring, quiet, boring, fun, but boring.
25:13Look who I picked up from the bus station after not having seen it since I dropped him off.
25:19Canada was wonderful.
25:20I brought bananas back for everybody.
25:22Do you really want to know?
25:28Not really.
25:29Canada was wonderful.
25:38I don't know.
25:43I don't know.
25:46But you do have any trouble.