Dave was involved in an uncomfortable situation on an airplane over the weekend. He accidentally squirted hand sanitizer on a man's ass that was standing in front of him and wanted to know if he handled the situation correctly.
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00we're gonna start by playing did I do the right thing okay about you what did you yeah okay I'm
00:17gonna be honest and say I didn't oh you didn't I didn't but can I justify it right okay okay okay
00:26would you have I can justify anything I hope so here's it's not great but I mean it could have
00:33been worse okay flying back from Boston yes okay yep um when we booked there was literally we were
00:42in like the back quarter of the plane yeah right there was like no seats left where Amber and I
00:46are all the way at the back you were in the back huh in the back yeah so uh you know I slowly get
00:52up because I know we got tons of time yeah in our bags and you know and then I'm standing and right
00:57where we are like the back quarter there's a bathroom here and um this older guy stands up in
01:02front of me and I thought oh you know what they have a little shelf now with hand sanitizer yeah
01:08right okay I thought okay good yeah I've been on this plane for a while I'm gonna say any yeah I'm
01:12talking to Amber I press it once nothing comes out press it really hard again oh and I'm like what's
01:19happening you guys what was happening was it was screaming the other way shooting out of that
01:24onto the back and ass of the older man in front of me like giant blobs oh my god hand sanitizer
01:32imagine the force that Dave was using least to crush that thing down yeah it's like him opening a
01:39door you know it was fortunately squirting not squirting me on my ass I'm surprised it didn't
01:43go right to the front of the plane oh my god oh my goodness so now what do you so right so now I'm
01:50like oh my god Amber's face is shocked and she hands me like she has like a kleenex in her hand
01:56like you're gonna wipe his ass like I'm gonna wipe this old man's ass in front of me no that's the wrong
02:01move sorry I've got my hand sanitizer on your ass now you're being reported out and then you're on
02:07the news because then you're wiping this guy's ass he wanted me I saw him he was a sexual pervert
02:13he had an erection he was hard as nails and he grabbed my ass a nice grab and he was stroking
02:24how strange is that that I'm arrested for wiping a man's ass and you know what then I looked back
02:29and my pants were covered in I think his semen
02:32yeah that's it you're the pervert of the day at that point yeah we're reporting on Dave
02:40yeah oh so then that all went through my head in a heartbeat yeah that I went I cannot even tell
02:49this man no that I have accidentally hand sanitizer jizzed on his back and ass yeah nothing good is
02:56gonna come out of this no does hand sanitizer not just dissipate yes does it not just develop
03:03alcohol longer than well of course because you blasted a wet spot oh yeah thing to happen to
03:11someone oh my god how unusual is that okay so here's what I did too what please let no one have
03:16noticed me okay I did the quick scan to see if anyone saw that no one else saw it the old man
03:24so that no one else would say hey yeah you did squirted your ass
03:29hey old guy
03:34what he got semen on me
03:40oh you son of a bitch
03:42I saw him come out of the bathroom with his pants down
03:45it was right beside the bathroom
03:47so so I didn't say a word and Amber was like like she's trying I'm like
03:54oh I think you did the right thing you had done the same exact thing I would never yes
04:00it's nothing good no what that's a that's I'm sorry my head if it was on like his ass
04:06how can I say like oh I got some wet stuff on your ass or right what am I gonna say there's nothing
04:11where the area was you what could you say nothing it sounds weird and here's me justifying it
04:18yeah it's not your fault Dave okay the airline needs to have sanitizer that when you put your
04:27hand under it it squirts down into your hand not on an old man yeah it is not shooting on an old man
04:34okay this is what I did you know I was talking to Amber once nothing twice and then oh right
04:40so like yeah unless Dave was just pulled a Dave and he was not where he was supposed to be
04:48with the sanitizer and I don't know either I feel like my hand was in the correct
04:53I feel like I'm not mentally challenged
04:56I would have assumed
04:58I would have assumed now if it would have been on his back maybe you could have said something I
05:02don't it's just the position of it being on his ass yeah once it's on a man's on his back and
05:08ass yeah but I mean you can't I think the first squirt hit his back and the second one just destroyed
05:13his ass listen I believe that when I'm old I'm gonna have wetness all over the place
05:19what I don't know I'm not really sure you're looking forward to it I just assume sometimes my
05:26I'll have some wetness on my pants in the front in the back and uh so and I'll just chalk it up to
05:34life I don't know at least I'm not sure but I just expect I believe that this guy even if he noticed
05:41it he's like ah it happens there it is once again that sneaky wetness you know and uh he might have
05:49just thought he sat in something so he had to walk to the airport and then other people saw his wet
05:55ass but you know like if you saw an elderly man with a wet ass you wouldn't say you'd just be like
06:01that's okay well my my hope was I mean it was wet the whole way off because I was right behind him
06:07but my hope was by the time he eventually gets to his car or his airport shuttle it would have
06:11dried exactly yes it would have dried I agree he'll be none the wiser yep I agree because he
06:16was by himself probably walking real fast get that wind on there what if it what if he walked
06:21too fast he had corduroys corduroys yeah he's old corduroys rub friction Dave lights this man on
06:29fire because it's alcohol oh my god what if he burned and catches fire
06:34help me ridiculous yeah okay did I do the right thing I mean it's not yes I would have done the
06:46same thing you did I wouldn't have said anything I wouldn't say it's the right thing well I mean
06:50what you did what had to be done okay how would you feel if that happened to you would you want
06:55somebody to say hey I just squirted I don't know it would be weird I think it would just be a very
07:02awkward it would be awkward and well how could I what do I have a paper towel I guess like you
07:06could have went in the bathroom is the bathroom right there was right there yeah he could have
07:09probably went in I would be you know what but still like I can never wipe an old man's ass but I
07:16also like can't say the only thing better the only thing better I guess would have been to give
07:22the heads up like oh man this thing is squirting all over the place yeah maybe that could have been
07:30a way you know I think I would just be like uh sir uh you might have sat on something strange
07:36no no I can't blame it you have to be honest about what happened but you definitely could not have
07:42wiped him no I can't you cannot wipe an old man's ass well you can but and I think I guess I would
07:49have understood I would have been like oh that thing malfunctioned and oh you know I'd have been
07:53just like of course you know I was still awkward what it wouldn't stain right oh yeah I don't know
08:00jacket or jeans I don't think it'll stain that's the good news there's alcohol in it but yeah I don't
08:05think what if he catches an uber and he thinks he got it on his ass and the uber and now that uber
08:09driver is going to get a bad review I mean anything's possible but it's out of your hands
08:13well yeah that's how it all started because you couldn't get the hand sanitizer in your hands
08:18yeah no I did have some guilt about it yeah after you know because I normally in a situation like
08:25that of course I'd tell someone but it was just the awkwardness of it yeah yeah you know yeah it's
08:30all because his ass was involved right that's what it is shut it down yeah the second it went on
08:38his ass that old man's ass did shut it down yeah Alan's with us good morning Alan what do you think
08:43hey good morning hey I was thinking he probably had a crazy ride if that hand sanitizer did dry and
08:50he sat down on it that's what I'm thinking too I hope it didn't burn him I'm sure he's gonna burn
08:55his b-hole but first of all he has old man underwear on get some hand sanitizer bend over and let's put
09:00this in your crack and see what happens I think it's pretty powerful stuff it's not something I wanna
09:06I don't wanna mess with it back there yeah but he would have thought ah my hemorrhoids must be
09:10flaring up oh no my anal fissures at it again I'm getting really bad I gotta go to the doctor
09:16when I get home holy cow that's burning it smells weird