Live from Keenan's in North Wildwood. Corn hole is too boring. Bring on the dildos.
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00:00One of the things that you love to do down the shore are play games out on the beach.
00:06Of course, there's tailgate games, there's all kinds of stuff you can do.
00:08Absolutely.
00:09And one that is forever a staple anywhere is cornhole.
00:14But that seemed a little bit boring to us, so we've decided to put our own spin on it,
00:19and we're going to play a version of it that we like to call Pornhole.
00:23Yes.
00:24And we have had a special Pornhole table set up.
00:28It's in the middle of the crowd.
00:30Nick McElwain is actually out in the middle of the crowd right now.
00:33This is the official Pornhole table, sanctioned by the government.
00:37Absolutely, by the Pentagon.
00:39Steve, I know you saw the mayor of Wildwood stop by earlier.
00:42Absolutely.
00:43He blessed it.
00:45Yes, the Bureau of Land Management stopped by.
00:48He thought a little bit more pubic hair would have been good, but otherwise he was happy with it.
00:53It's our first go.
00:54Yeah.
00:54So literally the Pornhole table, for lack of a better term, or board, I should say, does actually have hair on it.
01:01In fact, it's a hairy hole.
01:02It's a hairy hole.
01:03Yeah.
01:03So what we're going to do is we're going to play three rounds of this.
01:08It's going to be an elimination.
01:09It's going to be two people playing against each other.
01:12The winner will each go on to face the winner of the next round.
01:15This is Canadian rules.
01:16That's exactly it.
01:17But it's an elimination round.
01:19So we'll have our first round and then a second round.
01:21And the winners of those two rounds will be in the final championship round.
01:24So let's get our first two contestants up here, and we're going to get them started.
01:28And in true porn fashion, we have them wearing gimp masks.
01:32Yeah.
01:32Yes.
01:33All right.
01:34Let's meet our contestants.
01:35First of all, this is Devin.
01:36Hi, Devin.
01:37Hi, Devin.
01:37Where are you from, buddy?
01:39Blackwood.
01:39All right.
01:39Blackwood, New Jersey.
01:40Yes, sir.
01:41Excellent.
01:42And how long have you been coming to Kenan's, or is this your first time?
01:45First time here.
01:46Hey, he's a virgin.
01:47Oh, you have a great memory now.
01:49By the way, let me explain.
01:51Each one of our contestants is wearing what you call a gimp mask.
01:54It is latex.
01:56It completely covers the face.
01:57We did allow them the mouth to be open, though.
02:00Of course.
02:00Yeah.
02:01Because you need to drink.
02:01We're not barbarians.
02:02And you need to talk.
02:04But, Devin, you look like you've worn one of these before.
02:06It might be possible.
02:08Possibly.
02:08That's what I thought.
02:09All right.
02:09Who are you here with?
02:10All my friends back there to the left.
02:12All right.
02:12Friends to the left.
02:13What's up, man?
02:14All right.
02:15Now, Devin is going to be facing off against Jeannie.
02:18Hi, Jeannie.
02:18Hi.
02:19Where are you from, Jeannie?
02:20USA.
02:22Philadelphia.
02:22She's from America.
02:24Preston, she's rocking that gimp mask.
02:26Yes, she is.
02:27And who are you here with today, Jeannie?
02:30A bunch of my friends right there.
02:32These crazy.
02:33They're also American.
02:34Yes.
02:34All those ladies back there.
02:36What's up?
02:36They're all USA Americans.
02:38All right.
02:39Hey, bitches.
02:41There you go.
02:42All right, Jeannie, you ready to play?
02:44I'm ready.
02:44All right.
02:45Let me explain to the crowd.
02:46Now, in cornhole, normally you would toss beanbags.
02:49All right.
02:49And the way it goes is if it lands on the board, that's one point.
02:52If it goes in the hole, that's three points.
02:55It's a little different in cornhole.
02:56Same point system.
02:58But instead of beanbags, Devin, show them what you're going to be throwing.
03:01All right.
03:01We have a big rubber penis that he's going to be throwing, and we have a variety of
03:09different sex toys that will be a part of this.
03:12So instead of throwing beanbags, we're throwing sex toys into the hairy hole on the porn hole
03:17board.
03:18And by the way, don't act shocked.
03:19Your grandmother has his stuff in her bedroom.
03:22All right.
03:23So we're going to start off, and Devin is going to go first, and we're going to start with
03:27the rubber penis, the dildo, if you will.
03:31As it's referred to.
03:32And you're going to toss that up there.
03:33Now, are you pretty good at cornhole?
03:35I'm all right.
03:36All right.
03:36Then that's going to, it's only going to work for you.
03:38Nick is going to be there to keep score and make sure that everything is going all right.
03:41So it's about, I'd say, 20 feet away, 25 feet away.
03:45I think he was asking, is there a foot foul here, or is he good right up to the edge of
03:49the stage?
03:49The edge of the stage.
03:50Okay.
03:50Yeah, you can go up there.
03:51All right, Devin, get the first cornhole toss, and let's see how you do.
03:55Winner advances.
03:56He throws it, and wins.
03:57Oh, a little bit over.
03:58A little bit over.
04:01Pat Croce in the crowd here got the free dildo.
04:05He's very positive.
04:06No, we need those dildos back, Nick.
04:08Oh, we do?
04:09Yeah.
04:09Oh, okay.
04:10I'm sorry, man.
04:11We'll be passing things out later, but collect what you can.
04:14All right.
04:15Step up here, Jeannie.
04:16Go ahead.
04:17You saw how Devin did it.
04:18All right, Jeannie, come on.
04:19Here's the toss.
04:20It's up, and Jeannie in the hole.
04:23Oh!
04:23I nailed it!
04:25The penis went in the hairy hole.
04:28Wow.
04:28And that's three points for Jeannie.
04:31My guess is you've handled one of these things.
04:33All right, Devin, come up here.
04:35All right, Devin, reach in the bag and grab the next toy.
04:38Wow.
04:39All right, now we have anal beads.
04:40By the way, all of Devin's are blue, and all of Jeannie's, I think, are pink.
04:46No, hers are different colors.
04:47So much for that theory.
04:48All right, Devin, you know what to do with anal beads, right?
04:52Yes.
04:52Throw them in the hole.
04:54All right, here we go.
04:55Come on, you can do it.
04:56Cornhole, Devin tosses it.
04:57Oh, it's on the board.
04:59One point.
04:59That's one point.
05:01So three to one so far.
05:02All right, Jeannie, let's see what you can do with your anal beads.
05:05All right, here's the toss.
05:06It's up.
05:07On the board as well.
05:08All right, four to one.
05:10Correct.
05:10Point total so far.
05:12Now, Devin, step over here.
05:13What do you have?
05:14Anal plug.
05:15All right, it's a butt plug.
05:16Yes.
05:17All right, blue butt plug.
05:18By the way, they get four each.
05:20All right, so here's our third implement.
05:21Devin, you got one point.
05:22Let's make another.
05:24Oh.
05:25It's got a weird bounce to it.
05:26Somebody got clogged in the face with a butt plug.
05:28Yep, it happens.
05:29It happens all the time.
05:31Yep.
05:31All right, Jeannie, grab your butt plug, and let's see what you can do with it.
05:35She goes up.
05:37Oh.
05:37Bounce.
05:37She was almost right there off the board.
05:40It hit Chuck on the shoulder.
05:42Yeah.
05:42It almost ended up in Chuck's pocket.
05:45That's a cool trick.
05:46Devin, next we have a vibrator.
05:51All right, Devin, this is your final one.
05:53Put it in the bucket.
05:53Here we go.
05:54Pornhole.
05:56That's over.
05:57All right, well, let's see.
05:58Come on.
05:59Make it count.
06:00Devin's up.
06:01Oh.
06:01It's in the bucket.
06:03It's in the bucket.
06:04Wow.
06:05All right.
06:06The gauntlet has been laid down.
06:084-4.
06:09It's a tie game, right?
06:10Yep.
06:10We do have a tiebreaker if we need it.
06:12Okay.
06:12All right, Jeannie, all you have to do is get it on the board, and you win.
06:15Okay?
06:15Go for it.
06:16Jeannie's got her vibrator.
06:18It's up.
06:18It bounces, and it...
06:20Oh, no!
06:23That was not good.
06:25It rolled off.
06:26It rolled off.
06:26Oh, no.
06:27That happens with vibrators.
06:29All right, we have a tie.
06:31So we've decided...
06:32Casey came up with this idea as a tiebreaker.
06:34Yes.
06:35We have these...
06:36I guess they're gumballs.
06:37Yeah, you got a gum in the hole.
06:38You got a gum in the hole.
06:39Yeah.
06:39Okay.
06:40All right, so here's what we're going to do.
06:42Devin's going to...
06:42There are 20 balls in this.
06:44Yes.
06:45Devin's going to toss them up, and however many he gets in the hole, that's one point each.
06:50All right, so you get to throw...
06:51Yep, you throw them all at the same time.
06:53All at the same time.
06:54You can do this.
06:54And by the way, you don't have...
06:56You can put them in your hands.
06:57Yeah, separate.
06:58You don't have to throw right out of the cup.
06:59Yeah.
07:00Yeah.
07:01Well, they don't all fit in his hands.
07:02Well, if you pour it into two of his hands, there we go.
07:06You assist him.
07:07Just like you do this at home.
07:09Yeah.
07:10All right, here we go.
07:11This is for a tiebreaker.
07:12And Nick, you count how many go in.
07:14All right.
07:15Oh, my God.
07:15All right.
07:16A lot of them.
07:16That was good.
07:17Not bad.
07:17Not bad at all.
07:18All right, now Nick is going to check.
07:20Nick's got to get in the bucket.
07:21I don't think he can.
07:22I can't see.
07:25I had an idea that would be an issue with these things.
07:29Oh, no.
07:30By the way, the pornhole table is about seven feet tall.
07:33Well, let's see how Jeannie does.
07:35So let's...
07:36Nick, and this is honestly...
07:38We should have known this because we've seen this game before many times on NBC Sports.
07:43Yeah.
07:44Canadian version.
07:45All right.
07:46She's dropping some of her balls.
07:48All right, Jeannie.
07:48Hang on.
07:49All right.
07:49What do you think is going to happen here?
07:51I...
07:52I...
07:52All right.
07:53Okay.
07:54All right, Jeannie.
07:56You want to use the cup instead?
07:59No, she's going to do it.
08:00All right.
08:00Okay.
08:00She's a pro.
08:01She lost one of the balls there.
08:03All right, Jeannie.
08:04Let's see what she can get in the hole.
08:05In the hairy hole.
08:06A whole bunch of them went in.
08:07Oh, exactly the same seven.
08:09All right.
08:09So here's the deal.
08:11It looked about the same, Preston.
08:12So we're going to lower the table, guys.
08:15Ah.
08:15And then I will be able to give the official Canadian rules count.
08:19Right.
08:19All right.
08:20They're removing the legs.
08:21They're lowering it for Nick.
08:23All right.
08:24And by the way, while we're killing time here, Jeannie, apparently, Preston, has a iced coffee
08:28business down the shore.
08:29Oh.
08:30Yeah.
08:31Yeah.
08:32Tell...
08:32Where is your iced coffee business?
08:33Beach Brewery, USA.
08:34We're in the North Wildwood and Seaport Pier.
08:39Wow.
08:39Okay.
08:40How long have you been in business?
08:42Uh, we've been in business for two years.
08:44Hey, congratulations.
08:45By the way, I love pressing that we're playing the music from Silence of the Lambs.
08:49I know.
08:50Wow.
08:51All right, Nick, don't tell me.
08:52All right.
08:52No, no, no.
08:53Okay.
08:53Uh, so, um, which contestants are red?
08:56Jeannie is red.
08:57Ladies and gentlemen, it's a new world record with 11 red balls.
09:04Jeannie is the winner.
09:0611 to 9.
09:08Woo!
09:09Woo!
09:10All right, Nick, hold on, guys.
09:12We got to get them all out of there because we have a tiebreaker in the next one.
09:15We have different colors.
09:16We have different colors.
09:17We got different colors.
09:18Okay.
09:19Canadian rules.
09:20All right, Devin, we're going to have you step down.
09:23You've been a wonderful contestant.
09:24Well done.
09:24Parting gift for Devin.
09:25We have a parting gift for you here, Devin.
09:27Take that.
09:28Anal beads and butt plugs and vibrators and dildos.
09:30It's a long weekend.
09:31Going to have you stand right over here, okay?
09:34Stay right there.
09:35All right, our next two contestants, let's bring them up.
09:37We're only on our second round of Pornhole now.
09:39No.
09:40All right.
09:40It always takes so long.
09:41That's why we should have, like, a pitching clock, Preston.
09:44All right.
09:44I can't see your name there.
09:46Leanna?
09:47Leanna.
09:47Leanna.
09:48Hi, Leanna.
09:48How you doing?
09:49Good.
09:49How are you?
09:49Good.
09:50A gift mask looks wonderful on you.
09:51She does look good.
09:53I get that a lot.
09:54It doesn't smell used.
09:57They're not used.
09:58Trust me.
09:58These are brand new.
09:59But you would know.
10:00All right.
10:00So where are you from?
10:02Bucks County.
10:03Bucks Coal.
10:07Boo.
10:10And who are you here with?
10:12I'm here with some friends.
10:13My fiance.
10:14I was actually up here last year, and I recently got engaged.
10:17Oh.
10:19Yeah.
10:19Nice.
10:20I'm going to say Phil is in the audience.
10:23Wonderful.
10:24Congratulations.
10:25And maybe we'll have some fun, you know, wedding night gifts for you when you leave.
10:29Exactly.
10:30No comment.
10:31If your new husband can't rise to the challenge.
10:34All right.
10:34And this is Kenny.
10:34How are you doing, Kenny?
10:35Doing pretty good about yourself.
10:37I'm doing wonderful.
10:37Where are you from, buddy?
10:38I'm actually from a small town outside of western Kansas City.
10:42Missouri.
10:43Oh, in where?
10:44Missouri.
10:45Missouri?
10:46I used to live in Missouri.
10:47Oh, come on.
10:48It's not his fault.
10:49People are booing Missouri?
10:51Go on.
10:51Kansas City.
10:52They booed a seagull.
10:54The Chiefs.
10:55Oh.
10:56Ah.
10:57I get it.
10:58All right.
10:58It's not his fault.
11:00It's all good.
11:00You know what you need to do?
11:01You need to win Pornhole, and that'll be your retribution.
11:03That is right.
11:04Well, they told me backstage I get to keep the mask.
11:07I just got one question.
11:08Do I get to keep what's in the bag?
11:10You might.
11:10We'll see.
11:11Let's find out.
11:12All right.
11:12We're going to let Lena go first.
11:14All right, Lena, pull out an implement, and let's play Pornhole.
11:17What's going to be first?
11:20Anything you want.
11:20Whatever you want.
11:21Pull it on.
11:22All right.
11:22Lena has chosen the butt plug.
11:24All right.
11:24All right, Lena, you can go all the way up to the edge of the stage if you want.
11:27You want to put...
11:28You good with your beer?
11:29All right.
11:29Here we go.
11:30It provides balance, Preston.
11:32All right, Lena.
11:33Going with the underhand toss.
11:35Up.
11:36And...
11:36Oh, on the board.
11:37On the board.
11:38That's one point.
11:38All right, Kenny.
11:39Same thing.
11:40Butt plug.
11:41Here we go.
11:42It's up.
11:43And...
11:44On the board.
11:45Stays on for a one point each.
11:47All right, Lena.
11:48Next, Lena's going to pull out of the bag for Pornhole.
11:50The dildo.
11:53All right.
11:55Lena's underhanded toss is up.
11:57It's...
11:57Oh!
11:58Just short of the hairy hole.
12:00Nice job.
12:01You know what prevented it from rolling off?
12:03Hold on.
12:04Oh!
12:05He landed a point.
12:06What was it?
12:07The balls.
12:07The balls.
12:08All right.
12:09Let's go with the vibrator next.
12:10All right, Lena.
12:11Step up there.
12:12So far, it's tied.
12:142-2.
12:15Lena's making the toss.
12:17And...
12:17Oh!
12:18Off the board.
12:19Bounced over the hole.
12:21Here goes Kenny's toss.
12:24Oh!
12:25And it rolled off.
12:26Tie score.
12:27Rolled off.
12:27Still 1-1.
12:28All right, Lena.
12:29Last item.
12:30The anal beads.
12:31Let's see what she can do.
12:32Step on up there.
12:33First, she's swinging them around.
12:35Doing a little dance.
12:36By the way, she's got two cores lighting.
12:38In her back pocket.
12:39It goes up.
12:40And up.
12:41He is on the edge of the hole.
12:43Hanging on the hole.
12:44So 3-1.
12:45Here goes Kenny.
12:46Toss.
12:47And it stays up.
12:48And we have a tie.
12:49Wow!
12:50Now, Preston, there are four beads inside the hole.
12:54There are four beads.
12:55But it's...
12:56It did not go in.
12:57Technically, it would have to go in the hole.
12:59All right.
12:59As with sex itself.
13:01There's no leaners in a porn hole.
13:03Yeah, exactly.
13:03Yeah.
13:04All right.
13:04So we're going to let Lena go first for the tiebreaker.
13:07You take a couple of balls.
13:09I'm going to give you one, Kenny.
13:11There's 20 in there.
13:12Yes.
13:12These balls are smaller, by the way, Nick.
13:14Yeah.
13:15Small balls.
13:16You're like...
13:17It's like starter balls.
13:19Chuck just mentioned that the parody in the Pornhole League is unbelievable.
13:23I know.
13:23Lena's got a question.
13:24All right.
13:25I could throw them all at once.
13:26Yes, exactly.
13:27All right.
13:27Step up there and toss them in.
13:30Got it?
13:31Yeah.
13:32Go for it, girl.
13:32Do it.
13:33It's before in, you know, the world.
13:36What's that?
13:36She wants to recite a prayer press.
13:38Wait.
13:38I can't hear her.
13:39What?
13:39I can't see...
13:40I've never seen anything like this.
13:42Oh, okay.
13:42Well, it was the first time for everything.
13:44Yeah.
13:44So you need to do it now.
13:46Go for it.
13:47Her response time is...
13:48She's so confused by candy.
13:49Yes.
13:50All right.
13:50Here we go.
13:52Just throw the goddamn things.
13:53Jesus.
13:54Come on.
13:55Oh.
13:55She gave me a little...
13:57First person Preston got mad at.
13:59All right.
14:00A couple of them went in.
14:01Yeah.
14:02A lot of them rolled off.
14:03All right.
14:03You took too much time.
14:04Kenny, your turn.
14:05Step on up there.
14:06Throw your balls.
14:07Here we go.
14:08Ball off.
14:09This is the tiebreaker.
14:11Kenny's rattling them around in his hand.
14:14Tosses.
14:14Oh, no.
14:15One.
14:16I saw one go in.
14:18Now, let's lower it for the official count.
14:19Lower the board.
14:21But I believe...
14:22The crowd is very supportive.
14:25As always.
14:26As always.
14:27By the way, Nick, Laina is purple and Kenny is green.
14:31I see inside the Pornhole bucket two purples and one green.
14:39Laina is...
14:40The women dominate.
14:43Kenny, we have a parting gift for you right here.
14:45There you go, buddy.
14:46You go.
14:46Congratulations.
14:47Lots of sex toys, buddy.
14:48All right.
14:48You'll be sitting on that all weekend long.
14:50It's the ladies that are going against each other.
14:52This is the championship round of Pornhole.
14:56I'm trying to reach the anal beads.
14:59All right.
15:00Nick, you remind me of my mother.
15:03All right.
15:03Since I believe Jeannie got the most points, you get to go first.
15:07Okay?
15:08All right, Jeannie.
15:10Step up here.
15:12You know, they were both very studied.
15:15Jeannie's going to start with the dildo.
15:16I'm sorry.
15:17The vibrator.
15:18All right, Jeannie, when you're ready.
15:19Championship round.
15:20Pornhole.
15:21First time ever played.
15:22Oh!
15:23Right in the bucket.
15:24Right in.
15:24Nothing.
15:25Three points.
15:26Nothing but hair.
15:27Yeah, girl!
15:28Nothing but hair.
15:29And Laina's being very supportive.
15:32Yes.
15:33What's that?
15:34Does she keep going?
15:35No, no.
15:35You're next.
15:35No, you're next.
15:36Yep.
15:36Yep.
15:37But I like this.
15:38Girls sticking together.
15:39All right.
15:40Vibrator.
15:41I love Laina.
15:42Sisters are doing it for themselves.
15:45All right.
15:45That's it.
15:46Yep.
15:46That's pretty good.
15:47You got it.
15:48All right.
15:48Laina with the white vibrator.
15:50It's in the hole!
15:53In the hole!
15:54In the hairy hole!
15:57All right.
15:58Jeannie's got a bigger butt plug than last time.
16:00Here we go.
16:02All right.
16:02There's the toss.
16:03It's up.
16:04Oh!
16:05On the board.
16:06It was around and out.
16:07It's on.
16:08One point.
16:08It's still on the board.
16:10So far, four to three.
16:13Laina has the same butt plug.
16:14Here we go.
16:15She's got good technique.
16:16Yep.
16:17Underhanded.
16:18Up and...
16:19Oh!
16:20It bounced off.
16:22So four, two, three.
16:25Four to three.
16:26Anal beads.
16:26Here we go.
16:27Jeannie's up.
16:28Lands on the board.
16:29Five-three.
16:30Right, Nick?
16:30Correct.
16:31All right.
16:31Here comes Laina.
16:33Anal beads in the air.
16:35Oh!
16:37Anal beads right in the hole!
16:39Five-four, right?
16:40No, six-five.
16:41Six-five.
16:43Jeannie, all right, six-five.
16:44Laina?
16:45Come on.
16:46Yes, correct.
16:47Laina's in the lead.
16:48All right.
16:48Jeannie's throwing the dildo.
16:50Yeah!
16:51No!
16:53Right in the hole!
16:54A giant dildo right in the hole.
16:57What is the score now?
16:58It's eight to six.
17:01Jeannie's ahead.
17:02Laina has to put this in the hole to win.
17:04Correct.
17:04Can you kiss it for good luck?
17:06Kiss it, Preston.
17:07Oh, nice.
17:11Oh!
17:12Nick got it!
17:13I caught the dildo.
17:16You're a great competitor.
17:18Laina, I'm sorry.
17:19We'll have a run-up for you.
17:22Ladies and gentlemen, Jeannie is our champion of porno.
17:28Terrific.
17:29Did it!
17:30Hey, Laina, here's a dildo for your efforts.
17:32Laina.
17:32Laina.
17:33Oh, God.
17:33There you go.
17:34I got a whole bag of dildos.
17:36For Laina.
17:38Laina.
17:38Laina.
17:39Laina, your parting gift is a bag of dildos.
17:41Enjoy that.
17:42Enjoy that.
17:43Congratulations on getting engaged.
17:45And for Jeannie, our champion, $100 from Steak'em Up.
17:48There you go, Jeannie.
17:50Congratulations.
17:51Steak'em Up.