Therapy Thursday: All The Sudden Your Wife Wakes Up And Says She's Miserable
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00:00Therapy Thursday now on Wild 94.1. I understand therapy. Hi everybody! Hi Dr. Nick! It's Therapy Thursday. Dr. Davi is here. Hello. Hey! Meredith MD is here. What's up? I Orlando BGYN and I got gloves. So if you got questions, we got answers. Alright? 888-429-0941. We love this because we get a range of topics that we can possibly help folks with.
00:27Of course we're not a real therapy type of situation or nothing but you know this is pretty much the courts make us do it. Yes. But we're here to help. So if you got a call or you got a text, feel free. Who we got first? I have one for Meredith. Okay. It says Meredith, my son is obsessed with Call of Duty. He plays for hours a day and I'm afraid it's going to make him violent over time. Do you think there is a connection there?
00:53There could be. Do I necessarily just automatically think there's going to be something bad that happens? No. I grew up a gamer. But at first it started off as Mario Brothers and stuff like that and then it went to Sonic and then it went to Street Fighter and stuff.
01:09So I can see. And Call of Duty is, I mean, so popular out there. Does it automatically mean that your kid is going to turn out to be a shooter or have problems in the future? No.
01:19But that's where as a parent you need to step in and be like, listen, this is just a video game. Maybe he doesn't need to play or she doesn't need to play for, you know, four, five, six hours without taking a break.
01:29Like, you know, going outside in the actual world, going to the park and stuff like that and mixing that in there is always good and extremely healthy.
01:36Spending time with your, you know, peers is always good, but it could.
01:41But I feel like that percentage is very, very small.
01:43So as long as you keep an eye on it and you know your kid and you sit down, you always have conversations about it.
01:49Like, listen, this is just a video game. I think you'll totally be fine.
01:52I feel like it's so normal these days to not just to play video games, but Call of Duty.
01:56You're lucky you ain't asked me because I'll tell you you're going to be a little murderer.
01:59All right. We keep it in the book. All right, Dr. Davi, you ready?
02:02D-melo.
02:02What does it mean when your husband won't ever go to bed when you go to bed?
02:07We have a sexual life and a relationship, but our eight years of marriage, he stays up after me.
02:13And I've asked him to come to bed with me because I just think that's right.
02:17But he still always has something to do. He's never done.
02:22What am I missing?
02:23I think you're missing the fact that you're being a little too controlling.
02:27Personally, I don't think you should be trying to dictate what time your man goes to bed.
02:32I think that's just a little over the top.
02:35Some nights my girl and I, we go to bed at the same time.
02:37Sometimes I go first.
02:39So I don't think there's too much.
02:40Now, if that's cutting into your sexy time, then maybe plan your little, do the little sexy time at a different.
02:46She said they have sex.
02:48It says they have sex and the relationship is fine, but they don't go to bed.
02:52That man, ultimately, he just wants a little bit of space, a little bit of me time.
02:56A little time.
02:57Yeah.
02:58That's eight years.
02:58And there's nothing wrong with that.
03:01I think you got to pick and choose your battles.
03:03And this isn't one worth really fighting over.
03:05It's annoying when somebody goes to bed super late all the time when you go to bed early, though.
03:10I've dealt with that before.
03:11I'm just, I'm putting that out there.
03:12Unless he doesn't wake you up.
03:13Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
03:14Because if you're keeping it a buck, something going on afterwards that you're in bed, you can't see it.
03:21I mean, super late.
03:22Whether it's porn, whether it's whatever, whether it's cigarette smoking, whether it's gaming, whether it's what.
03:27There's something that he does not get to do while you're awake.
03:31Peace and quiet.
03:33Watch SportsCenter.
03:35Just hang out.
03:36Yeah, I know.
03:36I get everybody needs their alone time.
03:38Super late all the time.
03:39So there's something.
03:40We don't know what it is, but there's something.
03:42Like, get you a nanny cam.
03:43Put it up, put it up.
03:44No.
03:45Put that thing up and find out what's happening with you.
03:47Like, are the friends over?
03:48Is some girls there?
03:49Is some hoes in this house?
03:52What's going on?
03:53And I know my time is up, but one thing she didn't mention is what time they wake up.
03:56Like, I go to bed before my girl, but I wake up way before her, too.
03:59So I think that plays a big role in it.
04:01Yeah, just I think it's sad when you never go to bed together.
04:05Like, never?
04:06Ever.
04:06She said eight years.
04:08Yeah, I could see that that would be annoying.
04:09Orlando, I have one for you.
04:11Yeah.
04:11I could really use some advice.
04:12I have been married for five years, and we have a two-year-old daughter together.
04:16Things between my husband and I haven't been good for a long time.
04:19We argue about everything and can hardly speak to one another without getting mad.
04:22I told him over and over again that things, if they don't change, then I'm going to potentially leave.
04:28But guess what?
04:29They never do.
04:30He constantly makes bad comments or just says cruel things to me when I get mad.
04:35And he just says that he's joking.
04:37I'm to the point where I want to take my daughter and leave, but I don't want her to grow up in a divorced home like I did.
04:43I feel like he would still want to be involved, which my dad did not.
04:46But I just don't know what to do and how I'm going to handle this.
04:49I trust him, but I don't want my daughter to grow up the way I did in a divorced home.
04:53I mean, trust me, I believe that all day because I did kind of follow that, too.
05:01I didn't want to have a divorced home.
05:03And when you're around anger or you're around that stuff where it's like, oh, I was joking, there's a lot of truth and jest.
05:12And that's a real statement because people use the joking thing to get out of it.
05:16You don't want to stay in that kind of situation.
05:18If you can find a way to get better, make out a plan and say, hey, we need to do these things to make it better.
05:25And if you can't both acknowledge it, then, you know, then maybe you have to move on for the better part of your child that you're raising.
05:32Because you're raising a child in negativity, you're raising a child in static and friction.
05:37And that means that's going to rub off on them and affect their future relationships.
05:41So sometimes you have to cut bait.
05:42Don't bail out.
05:43Don't be weak.
05:44Like, because relationships are a fight.
05:47You have to fight for relationships.
05:49Happy relationships probably have been through some crap and they got over some stuff.
05:53So if you're willing to do that, you can.
05:55If he's not willing and you by yourself, you rowing that boat by yourself and you might have to end up leaving.
06:02And that's just that.
06:04All right.
06:05Let's see.
06:05888-429-0941.
06:07They're coming in here.
06:08What we got?
06:09Good morning, Freak Show.
06:10This is D'Angelo from Polk County.
06:11I recently got engaged.
06:13The wedding is set for April 2nd.
06:15Everything is going well.
06:17She has changed my life.
06:18And I'm pretty sure I have done the same for her.
06:20My question is, what is the best advice you guys have for us going into marriage that will keep us together for a long, successful marriage?
06:27Oh, that's everybody?
06:29Meredith, what advice you got for them?
06:31Talk about your expectations together and your future.
06:34Like when you want to have kids.
06:37You know, how you plan on paying for things.
06:39Are you guys going to have a joint account or a separate account?
06:41If somebody loses their job, like in this pandemic, you know, how you both will handle it.
06:46And also how, see how you guys argue.
06:49That's a big thing, too.
06:50Yeah.
06:52How to fight.
06:53Fight like loving people.
06:55Don't fight like enemies.
06:56And also, like the way you said that you changed her for the better and she changed you for the better.
07:04Yes.
07:04That's cool.
07:05But there are some parts that y'all didn't change.
07:08So love the ugly parts.
07:10Like, you know, because you can get better.
07:12If she has something you don't like and you have something that she don't like, still concentrate on the stuff that you do.
07:19Like we talked about somebody that calls us earlier and we were like, they will throw this whole thing away.
07:25Yeah.
07:25Great job.
07:26But they will throw this whole job away.
07:28It's like, hey, you got all of that happiness.
07:30Don't forget that happiness when you hit speed bumps.
07:33My advice is, obviously, I've never been married, so I'm going to tell you what I know.
07:37What I know is weddings.
07:38And my advice is don't do this incredibly lavish, expensive wedding and put yourself behind the eight ball for your marriage.
07:47A lot of people do this wedding and it's for everybody else.
07:50And then the next thing you know, you're starting your life together.
07:5220, 30, 40K in the hole.
07:54Whoa, whoa, whoa.
07:55Orlando's making a face.
07:56Hell yeah.
07:57Dobby, no.
07:58Dobby came to me and was like, dog, I heard your wedding was so lit.
08:01Yeah.
08:02I'm like, yo.
08:03It was.
08:03It sure was.
08:04Yeah, because I had just started here and the people on the street team were telling me about it.
08:08I'm like, he invited the street team?
08:10Everybody was there.
08:11Everybody was there.
08:12It was a party.
08:13It was a party.
08:14And man, I tell you, I'm still paying that thing.
08:17So that's solid advice?
08:18Yes.
08:18That's solid advice.
08:19That is very good.
08:20Don't lose the house over who's going to live in the house.
08:24There you go.
08:25Meredith.
08:25Yes.
08:26My boyfriend will not go downstairs.
08:29Oh.
08:30At first, this was not a big deal.
08:31Man, hang up on him.
08:32Yeah.
08:33Wake up on him.
08:34Hang up on him right now.
08:35He won't go downstairs.
08:36At first, this was not a big deal.
08:37But the longer we've been together, I think it's just disrespectful for him to not return
08:41the favor.
08:42He's Caribbean and I've heard it's cultural for them.
08:44But damn all that, I need it.
08:45Nah, man.
08:46You don't do that, man.
08:48Nah, we don't go down pun that way.
08:50Well, just the, this has to be a respect factor.
08:54Just as much as he doesn't want to do that to you, there are probably going to be things
08:59that you don't want done to you or you do to him.
09:02Unless, I mean, hey, if you're a chicken, you'll just, everything's out there and you
09:05could just pick whatever's on the list.
09:07That's cool for you.
09:08But for a couple people, including myself, there's like one thing on the list, like I'm
09:12not doing.
09:13And you have to respect that because if you love and appreciate your boyfriend, you don't
09:17want to make them do, there's nothing more unattractive than making somebody do something
09:22they don't want to do in the bedroom.
09:23And it's not going to be good.
09:25That being said, if that's a no-go for him, it sounds like you guys got to break up because
09:30you can't live without that.
09:31That's what, that's the vibe that I'm feeling.
09:33You don't have to break up.
09:34I'm just saying, if this is something you can't live without and he's saying, I'm not
09:37doing this, that's going to be a huge problem for the rest of your life.
09:41Your sex life is going to be off.
09:42You're going to start blaming each other because, you know, you found out early in your relationship.
09:46You can't leave a relationship over one thing, but I will say it's a great thing.
09:52For both.
09:53It's a great thing, but you can't, but this is where you got to cast well.
09:57If you married a guy or got with a guy that didn't do that, then you picked wrong.
10:03That's my point.
10:03And you said cultural, cultural is hard to do, but I will tell you, there are things
10:09that you could do.
10:09Like you can watch some adult type stuff together.
10:12Pick the fly ones, not the nasty ones.
10:14The shot well, uh, you know, uh, Blake, uh, Andrew Blake makes some really sexy black and
10:20white stuff.
10:21And it's a lot of girls and stuff and show him how you get enthralled by that.
10:26Any man seeing his woman get excited about something, it hits different and maybe you can warm
10:32him up to it.
10:33But if it's a cultural thing and he's like, nope, I know that you can't change that.
10:39There's a lot of good guys that'll do that for you, by the way.
10:41So I mean, look, you can't, some people, if that's a no go, like there's a no go for me.
10:46I'm not changing that ever.
10:47I don't care who I'm with.
10:48Right.
10:48And Anthony ain't going to leave you for that.
10:50Right.
10:50So that's what I'm saying.
10:51You don't leave somebody for something that they won't do.
10:53But if it's one thing, you don't need that, that bad.
10:56Well, that's what she's saying.
10:57Anthony don't need that.
10:58No, no, hold that bad.
10:59He ain't left you.
11:00But she's saying, she wrote us.
11:01She's saying she needs it.
11:03She wants it.
11:04That's, that's, that's where I'm saying this relationship is not going to work.
11:06Anthony just texted me and said, can you ask Meredith when she coming home so she can
11:10give me that spot?
11:12That's not happening.
11:13One just came in.
11:15It says either O or Meredith.
11:17We can Wu-Tang it.
11:18I don't care.
11:18Let's have fun with this one.
11:19Okay, 15 years together, seven years, happily married.
11:23All of a sudden, she wakes up and says she's been miserable the whole time.
11:27Question mark.
11:28No financial issues.
11:30We rarely ever argue.
11:31The sex is great.
11:33Can you please explain too many romantic novels?
11:37Honestly, you know what?
11:38I'm not going to, I'm not going to say, I'm not going to downplay what she's going through.
11:42Cause the thing is, we just had somebody ask us about a marriage and honesty is the whole thing.
11:49If you ain't happy on day one about something on day, on year seven is you still not going
11:54to be happy and it's going to magnify.
11:56So why not just like, you know, be honest from the jump so y'all can fix it as opposed
12:01to trying to put a bandaid on it, get infected.
12:03And then you got to chop it off because that's the thing without fixing something, Alex Smith
12:07would never have walked back out on the field had they just covered up stuff that he had
12:12in all those 17 surgeries.
12:13You end up getting the leg chopped off.
12:15He has his leg because they treated it from the beginning problems fester.
12:20So fix it, whatever it is from the jump, don't overlook it.
12:24Don't be like, you know what?
12:25He's so fine girl.
12:26I just deal with, cause those are the things you're going to complain to your girls about
12:2910 years down the line and be like, and you know what else he does?
12:32And they're going to look at you like, you'd like that at the beginning.
12:35But, and then you also start to blame yourself.
12:37Like, what did I do?
12:38I'm sure there's been signs or some red flags here.
12:41Maybe you're just ignoring them.
12:42Man, can I address the elephant in the room?
12:44I think she got somebody else, bro.
12:46Damn!
12:47I'm sorry!
12:48I'm sorry!
12:48Oh, David, you're breaking up people.
12:50But, come on, all of a sudden, night and day, everything's going good.
12:53That is a sign.
12:54Miserable.
12:55That's a huge sign.
12:56Come on, man, I think she found somebody.
12:58She's having a little affair affair.
12:59And you need to ask her point blank period.
13:01Who is it?
13:01Who is it?
13:02Exactly.
13:03The Amazon man.
13:04Check her phone.
13:05Check her phone.
13:05No, it's C-stop.
13:06Okay, all right, ask what's in her phone and then check it.
13:09If she says that she, if everything was dope and your picker, you were right.
13:16Like, because a lot of people think it's great.
13:18He said great sex.
13:19Yeah.
13:19Every dude out there think they killing it.
13:21That's very true.
13:22A lot of ladies out there like, I don't know who he having great sex with, but where I'm at,
13:28there's a lot of looking at the ceiling fan.
13:30You know what I'm saying?
13:31So, like, you know, you got to make sure you're accurate in your assessment.
13:34Maybe it ain't been dope.
13:35Now, if it has been dope, then maybe she's found somebody else.
13:38Mm-hmm, and you need to ask, unfortunately.
13:41You got to find out.
13:42Find out.
13:43How do you find out?
13:44By going through someone's phone?
13:45She don't ask.
13:45She's going to say no.
13:46You follow them.
13:48What was that spy app?
13:50Oh, yeah.
13:51Yeah, you get that.
13:52You get that nanny cam.
13:53You do all that that you got to do.
13:55All right, man, this is a wrap.