Dave, Doni, and Casino Craps
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FunTranscript
00:00I stopped the casino the other night, well, a couple of times.
00:05Last weekend when you had a three-day mini-vacay.
00:08Yes, absolutely.
00:09So driving out to South Haven Fire Keepers in Battle Creek is right there in the middle.
00:14Right.
00:14So we stopped.
00:16I did lose $150, but then coming back, I won $470.
00:22Let's just round it off to $500.
00:23$500 sounds better.
00:24So you won $500 on your three-day vacation weekend.
00:27I hope you pay for the vacation.
00:28It was great.
00:29And you don't have to deduct the $150 you lost.
00:31I agree.
00:33I should not.
00:34I did kind of look at it like, okay, let me pull this money off to the side.
00:38So really it was like $350.
00:39But then I was like, you know what?
00:41Now that money was already gone.
00:42They say that the past is the past.
00:45Yes.
00:45And this is probably not right.
00:48But if you go to the casino on Saturday.
00:52Okay.
00:52And you lose $1,000.
00:54Okay.
00:54And then you go back to the casino on Sunday.
00:57And you win $1,200.
01:00Right.
01:01In my world, in the real world, you won $200 in the real world.
01:06Because you lost $1,000.
01:07Then you won $1,200.
01:08So you're up $200.
01:09In my world, you're up $1,200.
01:12You won $1,200.
01:13I would agree with that.
01:14Right.
01:14Because whatever happened the day before, it's like behind you.
01:16Like you don't think about it.
01:17Like you block it out.
01:18Like I didn't lose $1,000.
01:19I didn't have it.
01:21I mean, so you do that until it goes away forever.
01:24And then you're like, oh, sweet.
01:25I didn't lose $1,000 18 hours ago.
01:28I just won $1,200 two minutes ago.
01:30Gaming or gambling totally pays off.
01:32Speaking of the casino.
01:36Yeah.
01:37I haven't been to the casino in a while.
01:39But whenever I go to the casino.
01:43Well, A, I always bring a jacket.
01:45Because it gets cold in there sometimes.
01:46I say they got the good air.
01:48Well, no, it's good.
01:49I'd rather have it too cold.
01:50Because they got the air.
01:50Like you're not tired.
01:51You could be drag and tail.
01:53You walk through those doors.
01:54You are wide awake, friend.
01:55There's like extra oxygen in the environment of the casino.
01:59It's amazing.
02:00No, that's true.
02:01But if you're sitting at a blackjack table for three, four, five, six hours straight.
02:05I don't want you getting hot.
02:06I don't want you sweating.
02:07And I'll sometimes stay for five hours straight.
02:09Wow.
02:10You know, at a table.
02:11Well, it can get kind of cold.
02:12So, you know, you might want to put a light jacket on.
02:14Smart.
02:14But the light jacket also has a big side pocket where I always have an extra pair of underpants
02:19in my jacket pocket.
02:22Because sometimes when I go to the casino, now it only happened once.
02:26Okay.
02:26You don't even know where my head is going where I'm like, are you not getting up from
02:30the table in those five hours, Dave?
02:32No, no.
02:32I'm getting up.
02:33Okay.
02:33Like once we play through a whole shoot, then I race to the bathroom and I pee and I come
02:37back.
02:37Okay.
02:37But one time I went to the casino and I went to the buffet before I started playing and
02:42I had prime rep and I think it was a little too lean because I was at the blackjack table
02:52and all of a sudden it's like, I thought I had to fart.
02:56Right.
02:57But it wasn't.
02:58There was more going on there.
02:59It was more than a fart.
03:01Than you anticipated.
03:01And I was like, oh crap.
03:03Did I just.
03:05Yeah.
03:05I was like, oh.
03:06So I'm like.
03:07That did not feel very lucky in that moment.
03:09Excuse me, everyone.
03:09I'll be back in a moment.
03:12And, you know, I left my chips and my beer at the table and I went to the bathroom and
03:16I was like, oh, what a mess.
03:18Oh my God.
03:19So ever since then you carry an extra pair of underpants.
03:21So yeah.
03:22So anyway, in the bathroom, I won't get into the gory details, but I just, I threw my underwear
03:28away.
03:28I don't blame you.
03:29Clean.
03:29And what else can you do at that point?
03:31You can't do anything.
03:31You can't.
03:32Right.
03:32You can't.
03:32Right.
03:33Thank God you had them on.
03:34Right.
03:35Heck yeah.
03:35Right.
03:35So I throw the underwear away, clean myself up, put my pants back on, no underwear, go
03:41back to the blackjack table, play for another three hours.
03:43Wow.
03:44So the next time I went to the casino, I thought to myself, you know, I always like to be prepared.
03:49I'm like, if that ever happens again, the prime rib's a little too lean.
03:54Right.
03:54I'm going to bring an extra pair of underpants in my jacket.
03:57No one will ever see it.
03:58No one will know it's there.
03:59And if I have an accident, I can go in the bathroom, throw my underpants away, put my
04:03new backup underpants on and go back to the table because I like wearing underpants.
04:07It's all making sense now.
04:09So, and I also, I also don't tell anybody this, have an extra pair of underpants in the glove
04:16box in my car.
04:18Just in case.
04:19Just in case.
04:19Just in case.
04:20Yeah.
04:20This must have been very traumatizing.
04:22And I have an extra t-shirt in my glove box too.
04:25An extra t-shirt and an extra pair of underpants.
04:26Because like, you never know.
04:27What if I'm driving to work and I'm drinking a chocolate milkshake and milkshake spills all
04:32over the front of my shirt.
04:33Right.
04:34Well, I don't want to walk around work all day with like, looking like a baby.
04:36Right.
04:37You know, I'm like, I just put my extra shirt on.
04:39And if I accidentally poop my pants, I got extra underwear.
04:42I got extra clean underpants right in the glove box.
04:45I think everyone.
04:52No, I really do.
04:53I don't understand why.
04:58Listen, I don't understand why.
05:00I mean, this is for real.
05:01I don't understand why everyone doesn't have an extra pair of underpants in their glove
05:05box.
05:05I mean, I really don't understand.
05:07Why would you not just throw an extra pair in your glove box?
05:10Every single person.
05:12You would think.
05:13I'm not the only one that sometimes accidentally poops my pants.
05:16I would hazard a guess that you are not.
05:20Having said that, it has never really run through my mind to be like, you know what
05:23I need to do?
05:24I need to keep an extra pair of underpants in my glove box.
05:27Why not?
05:28What not?
05:29You get some old crappy ones that you never wear.
05:30That's just sitting in your drawer and it's got to sit in your drawers.
05:33They could end up being your best friend.
05:34Throw them in your glove box.
05:35Right.
05:35Oh, and just for the record.
05:37Oh God.
05:38The prime rib blackjack poopy pants thing.
05:42Right.
05:42That was like 10 years ago.
05:44Never happened since then.
05:45And it's never happened since.
05:47It only happened one time.
05:48But.
05:48That's all you needed.
05:49If it ever did, I was prepared.
05:50For 10 years now.
05:51And hopefully it will never happen again.
05:52You've actually been preparing to poop your pants.
05:54I've been prepared if I poop my pants again.
05:59Oh God, Dave.
06:01You are.
06:03We gotta go.