PG Podcast 5-16-19
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FunTranscript
00:00I'm using the beginning of this show now as a way to vent about whatever silly thing is bothering me, but you're not getting me.
00:06You're not feeling me. Patient portals? You don't hate those?
00:09I don't know what you're talking about.
00:12Okay, do you not go to the doctor?
00:14I go, yeah. What's a patient portal?
00:16A patient portal is when you've either been to the doctor or you're going to the doctor and they send you the portal, a link to your portal, and then you have to log on.
00:24And you either have to do all your pre-sign-in stuff in the portal, or maybe they send you your test results in the portal, stuff like that.
00:31I have no idea what you're talking about.
00:32You don't go to the doctor, Buck.
00:34I go. I go.
00:35They're portal-less. I need to go to your doctor.
00:37Every couple months, I go.
00:38No. So these portals drive me bananas because I feel like they're putting so much work back on me.
00:44You're not feeling me, Buck, but I have to rant about these.
00:47You get the emails. You try to log in. It's the wrong login. You don't even remember your ID for it.
00:52And I've got like 10 of them because I've got so many different doctors because women, as women, we have a ton of doctors.
00:58And you guys don't have as many as us, and it's not fair.
01:00You're right, and I think my wife probably handles my son if there is a portal over there.
01:06The other thing, do you get the surveys after?
01:08I get nothing, Roxanne.
01:10Buck, all this work is globbed onto your wife. That's what it is.
01:14Do you know that I don't even know my doctor's name?
01:19Of course you don't. You don't really have a doctor, Buck.
01:20You're just like Doug. You don't go to the doctor. I just caught you.
01:24No, I have a doctor. I've had it forever. I just switched, and I've had one appointment at my new doctor, and I haven't taken it upon myself.
01:30When's the last time you went there?
01:33Yeah, yeah, you don't know. You don't know. You have no idea. I caught you.
01:36Two months? Two months ago?
01:38Yeah, right. You just made that number up.
01:39Two months ago. No, a month and a half, two months. Yeah, yeah, something like that. I went.
01:43Okay.
01:44Portal.
01:45Liar.
01:46The other thing, too, after the doctor's appointment, all the surveys. Survey, surveys, how were we? How long was your wait time?
01:53It's taken me 10 minutes to figure out the survey, so if you saved me money on my wait time, you just, I'm back to square one now, because I just spent 10 minutes.
01:59Oh.
02:00There it is. Phone. We can't get anything done.
02:03In here.
02:04She's going to say, hello.
02:05I just hung up. I just picked up and hung up.
02:07Oh, all right. They're going to call back.
02:08This is all going in the video, by the way, so you can see what we deal with.
02:15What kind of chaos?
02:15She's talking about portals. People are walking by. The phone is ringing. Who has a phone?
02:21We have stuff to get into today, and I listened to our lovely intro, and it's like, you know, parents who don't have their act together.
02:31We bleeped out act together, right? That's what we meant.
02:33And, boy, I have to tell you, Buck, I felt like that this week. I felt like failure, failure, failure, failure.
02:38I had one of those days with my daughter. I don't know if you've ever had days like this with your son, but it was every social interaction we had, every public place that we were in, she was a nightmare.
02:50Nightmare.
02:51And I felt like I really was helpless. I couldn't do anything about it, because, you know, she came here.
02:56She wasn't horrible here, but she just was wanting to thwart her will, do what she wanted to do.
03:02And so I got her out of here as quick as can be. We went to a play date. She went to the girl's house.
03:06She'd never been there before. She acted like she owned the place.
03:09Like, our friends had dinner set, or excuse me, lunch set out for us, and she, like, beelined past the lunch, just wanted to go to the playroom.
03:16Never been in this person's house before, picking things up, throwing them around.
03:19Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
03:21So it's kind of a note to parents. If you ever do a first-time play date, them going to another house and seeing toys like that is so exciting to them.
03:31They can't, you can't get them focused on anything else. It is the kid in the candy store expression.
03:35I've seen this happen with another child that came to my house that was uncontrollable, grabbing everything, and I'm like, your kid's wild. Stop that.
03:44It's uncontrollable, because it's just like, they don't have impulse control, so it's like, oh, look, I'm in this cool place. Let me touch everything. Let me feel everything and throw it and do whatever.
03:52So she was terrible there, and then we went out to dinner that night, and I have never felt like, A, I don't ever want to go out to dinner again until she's 10, and B, I can't go back to that restaurant ever.
04:05And it was just, she was screaming, bucking. We tried to put her in the-
04:09Yeah, bucking.
04:10Bucking.
04:10Let me ask you, what kind of restaurant was it?
04:13Mexican.
04:14Okay. So it wasn't like you were at a fancy steakhouse, where you had to pick the right fork.
04:19No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't trouble, no, I wouldn't even put that, put her up for that challenge.
04:25We went to a place that is pretty, is family oriented, but I was kind of eyeing the other customers, and you couldn't help.
04:31She was that bad kid that people couldn't keep their eyes off of.
04:34Sometimes you know.
04:35Right. She wouldn't, and this is my fault, because I feel like she's one of those kids, because I was this way.
04:42I wanted to grow up really fast. I didn't understand, I thought I was an adult. From the time I was a kid, I always thought I was an adult.
04:48And I can already pick up with that on her. She wants to come here to my job, and she's like, I'm working, I'm working. She wants to do everything the adults are doing.
04:56And so I want to give her some of that leeway if it doesn't hurt her. But now I'm realizing, no, Roxanne, you have to lay down the boundaries.
05:03Like, Doug and I, we're kind of dorky. We're a same side of the booth couple.
05:09Okay.
05:09So we just put her in between us, and that's how we roll.
05:13So all three of you crammed in.
05:15No, usually we get a good size booth. Yep.
05:17Hopefully.
05:17We've got her pinned, and then she still feels like she's an adult, kind of. I don't know why I'm allowing my two-year-old to feel like she's an adult. That's a parenting mistake, number one.
05:25And then, you know, when we go with other couples, like we did, to a normal table, she refuses to sit in the, what is it, high chair.
05:36You're not alone.
05:37Okay.
05:37Everything you're saying has and still happens to me, and I think a lot of people who listen are going through the same thing.
05:44We do a booth every time. If they don't have a booth, guess what? I might leave, because I need to trap my kid in the corner so he can't escape.
05:53And he tries to climb behind me in the seat at least two or three times to get out.
05:58Yes.
05:59And I know you are not running around, jumping, running into people.
06:04She was running and screaming and laughing. It wasn't like a cry. It was like a, ha, ha, ha, I got you, I want you.
06:13And ran out of the restaurant, fully out of the restaurant, onto the sidewalk, running back and forth.
06:17And I didn't realize it at the time, but they had that sort of glass where they could see in, or excuse me, the patrons could see out.
06:26But she and I couldn't see in. So I'm out there having a conversation with her, just saying crazy, stupid stuff that I would not want other people to hear me say to my child.
06:35And then I realized the family that was giving us like the most dirty looks, they were right there at the glass.
06:39So I'm sure they saw and heard everything. So it was just embarrassing.
06:43So anyways, I found this list, discipline, five do's and don'ts when your kids won't listen.
06:47This ought to be a lot of help.
06:48This should be funny.
06:49Look at a means of discipline of actively engaging with kids to help mold their moral character.
06:57My two-year-old does not give a crap about moral character right now.
06:59No, they're becoming very independent and they don't care about morals.
07:04They care about free will.
07:05Free will.
07:05And they're going to show you they have it.
07:08Do find opportunities for praise.
07:11Now, I do think there's something to that.
07:13Yeah.
07:13Yeah, I praise my son a lot because I want him to know when he did something good, I want him to know it's good.
07:20And that is exactly how you behave or how you put your toy away.
07:24Yes.
07:24You're very good.
07:25You're very good, son.
07:27And you almost have to trick them sometime if they're doing something bad.
07:30Quickly reroute their behavior.
07:32Don't mention the bad thing and say, OK, good job.
07:35Yes, look what you're doing.
07:35Good.
07:36Keep doing that.
07:37Distraction tactics.
07:39Yes.
07:39Do set limits and keep them.
07:41I don't do that.
07:42We want to.
07:43God, we want to.
07:45Don't.
07:47Don't threaten or explode.
07:49I'm good.
07:50I'm really good about that.
07:51Yeah.
07:51You know what I had?
07:52I had a moment last week where I lost it.
07:55Did you?
07:56Did you?
07:56Oh, yes, that went down.
07:59That happened for sure.
08:01And as it is coming out of my mouth, I'm going, no, why would you?
08:07Now he knows that word and now he will probably say it.
08:11But sometimes you just don't know how to handle it.
08:14I know.
08:14The normal tactics don't work.
08:16They're rebellious.
08:17They're saying, no, no.
08:19That's how my son says it.
08:21And I'm like, you, you can't say no to me.
08:23No.
08:24I know.
08:25When you hear that, you're like, OK, do you not understand?
08:27I am the parent.
08:28Yeah.
08:29I am the parent.
08:30Oh, that's next on the list.
08:32Be the parent, not the buddy.
08:33Oh, yeah.
08:35Oh, I have so many thoughts about that because he is my buddy.
08:38He really is.
08:39I love hanging out with him.
08:41We have fun.
08:41We tell little jokes together.
08:43And I love making him laugh.
08:45But then when it's time for me to go into parent mode, I think he is almost like, you're my buddy.
08:51You're not.
08:52No.
08:52Why are you being mean to me?
08:54I know.
08:55So what do you have to say?
08:55You have to stay in parent mode the majority of the time.
08:57You have to stay with that role.
08:59That horrible day that we had on Tuesday.
09:02Yesterday was Wednesday.
09:03Yes.
09:04So Wednesday, I came home.
09:06Fuck, I hid all day.
09:07I hid.
09:08I had one.
09:10She went from one nanny to her nap to the, I said, Doug, you got to watch her, to the next nanny.
09:16And I hid in my room the whole time.
09:17I couldn't take her.
09:18Yeah.
09:18And then when she came in at like six o'clock at night, that's when I finally saw her.
09:24Great mom.
09:25I'm a great mom.
09:25I didn't see her all day.
09:26I didn't wake up with her, but I couldn't take it.
09:28And so Doug came in at six o'clock and, um, or excuse me, the baby came in at six o'clock
09:32and she's like, Oh mama, I sit on your lap.
09:37I sit down.
09:37I sit on mama's lap.
09:39And she just wanted to sit on my lap and have me hug her.
09:42I'm like, Oh, okay.
09:44Yeah.
09:44This is fine.
09:45Oh man.
09:46There's nothing wrong with what you did avoiding your child all day because you knew you knew you needed some space and space is so important.
09:57It's so important.
09:58I know another coworker, um, that I used to talk with about this and she used to tell me she would hide in her closet on her phone in the dark and she could hear the kids yelling, mom, mom, where are you?
10:12One of them being a teenager and she would just sit there quiet and be like, I'm not saying a word.
10:20And I was at the time I didn't have a kid.
10:22I was like, Oh, how could you?
10:25But now I'm like, Oh, that's a good idea.
10:28She was so happy about the invention of text messaging too.
10:31Cause you hide in there on your phone.
10:33No one knows you're in there.
10:34Nobody knows.
10:35And so do you ever feel like, Buck, this is, this is kind of the theme of the show today.
10:40I just feel like after the, after a day, like Tuesday, fail, fail, fail, fail.
10:44I felt like I specifically, I especially felt like I was failing here at work because even though she was only here for 10 minutes, I felt like she looked like a mess.
10:52It wasn't her father's fault.
10:53It was, I picked out the wrong outfit.
10:55It was too big for her.
10:56Oh no.
10:56And so I felt like, and then I felt like a hot mess mom in here, which I've described that feeling that I don't think you guys ever experience.
11:04Do you ever experience a hot mess dad feeling?
11:07I mean, I wouldn't call it a hot mess, but I would, I think my word is like disaster.
11:13Like disaster today.
11:15Everything I touch is not going how I plan it to go.
11:19And every conversation I have with people, coworkers is not what I want.
11:25And I'm hearing the wrong things.
11:27And I usually say, can I just go home?
11:31Right.
11:31Okay.
11:31Then you do feel that a little bit.
11:33Yeah.
11:34I'm not alone.
11:34It's not just a, it's not just a female thing.
11:36Well, that was going to be my next point that I think, I think this whole women's lib thing.
11:42No, no, no, throw it out the window.
11:47I can't do it all.
11:49I cannot.
11:49I am dropping the balls.
11:51Yeah.
11:52Yeah.
11:53That, that, that balance.
11:54That balance is so some days you're like, I can't find it.
11:57I don't know what I'm doing.
11:58And the thing that I noticed with my, okay, I love my job and I do love the break I get.
12:05I love the adult stuff.
12:06Look at us.
12:06I mean, what are we doing, Buck?
12:07We're having fun.
12:08We're talking.
12:08We have, we have great, cool careers, vocations that we're, we're happy to be in.
12:13But I look at some of my friends who are stay at homes and of course they just get overwrought
12:19with being around the kid all day and that tire tires you out as well.
12:22Yeah.
12:22But if you do have some of them in school or you have a little nanny help or whatever you
12:25have, you do still get those breaks and you get sleep.
12:29And that's what I don't get.
12:31Yeah.
12:31And that's where my problems all stem from because I don't have the patient, excuse me, not the
12:37patients, I don't have the stick to it in this that somebody would have just an hour
12:41more of sleep that I did than I did to be able to tell my child to tell her to do something
12:46and stick with it.
12:47That's where I'm failing the most.
12:49I agree.
12:49You're tired.
12:50Look, you're tired.
12:52I kind of know the area where you live out by me and it's, and it's not near work.
12:58No.
12:59Spend a lot of time in the car.
13:00You spend a lot of time in the car and we're not, we're not those new employees that live
13:06in an apartment next to the radio station, can drop anything, anytime and come in and
13:13just be on it.
13:14We're into our careers.
13:16We have a long drive.
13:17We have a family.
13:18And now we have this little human terrorizing us, stealing our sleep.
13:23Yes.
13:24We call it in our household, the path of least resistance, whatever is going to get
13:29us from point A to point B in the quickest way, in the least way of resistance.
13:34And that's where my, my discipline and my parenting is lacking because I don't have that ability
13:39to be like, no, I said, do this and I'm going to hold you to it.
13:43You don't have that ability.
13:44Sometimes I do.
13:45Sometimes I do, but not all the time.
13:47No.
13:47Not when I'm tired.
13:48No, I don't think you can.
13:49And I tried the same thing, like for instance, picking up your toys, like I am pushing on
13:55that hard and I am getting so much resistance and I, that I should let it go.
14:01That's the one thing that I do every night, every night.
14:04Let's pick up all those toys.
14:06Cause I'm the one who steps on the Legos.
14:08Right.
14:08Let's do it.
14:10It drives me crazy.
14:10Buck, what's your sign again?
14:11Are you a Virgo?
14:11Virgo.
14:12Okay.
14:12So you're a neat freak, right?
14:14Uh, yeah.
14:15Some perfectionist in some areas.
14:16Okay.
14:17So maybe we need to save this for the next podcast.
14:19A very interesting study about cleanliness.
14:22And this is something, you know, we're trying to always teach the child new good habits.
14:26So we're going to pick that up on the next podcast.
14:29Okay.
14:29I like it.