Who's Excited For Sh*t At Target & Wal-Mart To Become More Expensive?!?

Cracked

If Superstores Were Honest. #shorts #tariffs #walmart #target #shopping #parody #honestads

Transcript

00:00Because instead of carving out my own segment of the American consumer market,

00:05I decided to say, screw it, let's just be everything.

00:09This way, instead of running just one mom-and-pop shop out of business,

00:12we can run them all out of business under the guise of capitalism and healthy competition.

00:18Bath mats, cell phones, greeting cards, literally anything of which you could think.

00:23We've got racks and racks of shame fabric designed to hide the disgusting human body and style.

00:29But not too much style. Here, this is merely fine, right? Sure. Yeah!

00:36Oh, and if you don't like it, don't worry, it's not built to last very long.

00:42You see, it was made by, well, I don't want to use the word slaves because it's not correct.

00:50But employees is a bit of a stretch, too.

00:52Let's say it was just made by people getting paid a small amount of very little money

00:56to make these garments quickly and, if necessary, poorly.

00:58I know what you're thinking.

01:01You're worried about losing jobs.

01:04But jobs are just one of the many stuffs that you can get at my item cube.

01:09Oh, sure, we won't start you out on a living wage or work our way up to a living wage,

01:14but we will offer a wage competitive with the equally low wages of other item cubes out there.

01:20Even better for me.

01:21We'll make sure most of our employees stay part-time so that we don't ever have to give them benefits,

01:27which, if you ever got them, aren't very good.

01:29This doesn't sound like a very good job, actually.

01:31Hey, yeah.

01:33You know what?

01:33We should form...

01:34No unions!

01:35That's right.

01:38No unions.

01:40Please.

01:41I say please as a courtesy.

01:42No unions.

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