Drag House Rules S01 E03
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Welcome to Drag House Rules. I'm your host, Claymore Jones.
00:07I don't need this shit.
00:08Girl, I read the contract. It's ironclad.
00:11What?
00:12Each of you will be given a timed date with Jesse.
00:16Whoever makes the best impression will be safe.
00:19Lawsuits and like a prison break.
00:21We are way too good for a show like this.
00:23I know.
00:24Are you down with the plan still?
00:26It's time to take out the trash.
00:29Trash?
00:59That's who I'm voting for.
01:22I'm begging you Silky, please change your vote.
01:25Take me out.
01:26I swear, J is the easiest letter to write.
01:30Now Juju, I asked you to be my top suit, my ride or die.
01:34Stop blocking your black suits.
01:37Girl.
01:38Wait a minute.
01:40What is that?
01:41What's what?
01:43That.
01:44It's a Bluetooth speaker.
01:46That don't look like any Bluetooth speaker to me.
01:49Girl, fine.
01:51It's 2025.
01:54And there should never be any shame and pleasure.
01:57This is my best friend.
02:00It's the Arc Wave.
02:01Let me show you.
02:02You put your thingy in here.
02:04I know.
02:05There's suction control.
02:07Suction?
02:08Look how tight it gets.
02:10Got it.
02:11Got it.
02:12Got it, girl.
02:14Feels good.
02:24I'm voting for Rakim Sakura.
02:27To me.
02:28Five reasons for her five phones.
02:30A, the phones.
02:32B, her makeup.
02:34C, she's annoying.
02:36D, these nuts.
02:40I'm voting for Rakim Sakura.
02:42To me.
02:43Five reasons for her five phones.
02:45A, the phones.
02:47B, her makeup.
02:49C, she's annoying.
02:51D, these nuts.
02:53E, enough.
02:56Well, here we are.
02:59Our first elimination.
03:01One of you will have to return to the house and immediately pack your bags and go.
03:08We know how it works.
03:10I'm trying to explain it to the audience.
03:12You think this show is going to have an audience?
03:14On to the votes.
03:22Rakim Sakura.
03:23Huh?
03:25So I did vote for Rak.
03:27I'll be honest.
03:28I think she's a really sweet girl, but that energy is just too chaotic.
03:39Rakim Sakura.
03:40Huh?
03:41Two?
03:42Two votes.
03:44That's two too many.
03:46You better not say my name again.
03:51Tammy.
03:52I think they misspelled my name.
03:54I'm pretty sure that's right, sister.
03:57Well, how am I making this decision about which queen is going to leave the house?
04:01I'll tell you how I'm making this decision.
04:03I'm making this decision precisely.
04:06Cut to the marrow.
04:08You know what marrow is?
04:09It's what's inside your bones.
04:11We're about to go into overtime, and I've already looked through the votes.
04:14So the rest of the votes are Rakim Sakura.
04:17Huh?
04:18What?
04:19Rakim Sakura.
04:20Your time at Drag House Rules has come to an end.
04:23I've never been more jealous.
04:26Please pack your bags and go.
04:32No.
04:34I'm sorry, what?
04:36No.
04:38You're eliminated, so you have to go to the house, pack your bags, and go.
04:45Nah, I'm going to stay here.
04:47Security!
04:48You ain't never going to get rid of me!
04:50That got her fired of you.
04:52Girl, you lost the competition.
04:54We all voted for you.
04:55Bye.
04:56First of all, Rakim Sakura, running off like a chicken with her head cut off.
05:00I don't know where she ran to or what she's doing.
05:02I don't think that's proper.
05:04Get her!
05:06Oh, my God.
05:08Watch it!
05:09Watch it!
05:10Watch it!
05:11Oh.
05:12You know what?
05:13I actually found something that I actually admire about Rakim.
05:17That's runner.
05:18And in heels.
05:19I could never do that.
05:20Mm-hmm.
05:23Really?
05:30To be honest, I'm a little nervous about where Rak went.
05:33I mean, she's that type of girl to hide in closets.
05:36Like, she's really wanting to stay here.
05:38So, I'm definitely going to be sleeping with one eye open.
05:42And a kiki-di-ki-ki-di-ki!
05:45Good morning to you, cock-a-doodle-doo!
05:50All right, ladies!
05:51Full Dragon 5!
05:53Well, I'm going to need more time than that, Buster Brown!
05:56Well, another day at the circus!
05:58Let's see what kind of disappointments the host has cooked up for today.
06:03It don't matter.
06:04I'm going to eat it.
06:05Early's on time!
06:07Big money built the oil pipeline.
06:09You know that?
06:11Hi, Claymore.
06:13How did you get in here?
06:15Over the fence and through the side door.
06:17The fence is ten feet high.
06:19My undying love for you is taller.
06:21And this place still feels like home to me.
06:23Riley, we broke up.
06:25And the restraining order?
06:26Still in place.
06:27That always felt like more of a restraining suggestion.
06:30Why can't we be friends?
06:32I think that ship sailed when you lit my car on fire.
06:35You were always such a drama queen.
06:37That's rich coming from the person who committed arson when I simply asked for space.
06:41It was an homage to Waiting to Exhale.
06:43You loved that movie!
06:44Riley, for the 100th time, people come together, people fall apart.
06:50It's called dating.
06:51You make it sound so casual, but there's nothing casual about three and a half years, Claymore.
06:58I tried to break up with you year one, but you kept shackling yourself to the bed frame.
07:01I thought you were into that!
07:03I don't have to entertain you anymore.
07:05I thought you were into that!
07:06I don't have to entertain this.
07:07The restraining order?
07:08Still in place.
07:09I can call the police.
07:11No!
07:13You're insane!
07:14You made me this way, Claymore.
07:16Remember when you told me you'd manage my music career?
07:18Had me put all my trust in you?
07:20I was trying to help.
07:22You made me pour all my savings into a music video that nobody watched.
07:25It's not my fault YouTube changed the algorithm.
07:27No, you were a shit manager and a shit boyfriend, but I loved you.
07:31The compassion.
07:32That ass.
07:34Claymore's ex.
07:36Crazy.
07:37But kind of cute.
07:38Remember when your mother got in a fight with her boyfriend and moved in with us for nine months?
07:42Did I complain?
07:43I'm going to do some mental gymnastics to unimagine the two of them having sex.
07:50Actually, it's kind of hot.
07:53Claymore, who the fuck is this?
07:54One of your little boyfriends?
07:56Oh my god, no, that's my therapist, Dr. Leach from Blues and Blossoms.
07:59Give me that.
08:00Crazy.
08:01What are you guys doing?
08:03Don't film this.
08:04This isn't part of the show.
08:06The network said that we should be filming everything.
08:08Oh, afraid of the truth?
08:10Don't want the world to know that you convinced me to spend my grandfather's inheritance on your Brazilian buttless shit.
08:15Oh, you want the truth?
08:17Well, here's the tea.
08:18I never liked your music.
08:20Your snoring kept me up at night, and you were a shit lady.
08:25Who taught you that?
08:26You want to see Crazy?
08:28Crazy sticks to him like shit on walls.
08:31If I can't have you, no one can.
08:35This is some good TV.
08:37What was the bat doing there?
08:39He keeps it there in case of home invaders.
08:41Pussy bitch.
08:42That backfired.
08:43That's why I don't keep guns in the house.
08:44Why don't you keep them here?
08:46Stop filming and help me.
08:49Should we help him?
08:50You fucking whore.
08:51You washed up one of these.
08:53Eeny has been.
08:54Beanie, help me.
08:56Riley, calm down.
08:57I'll kill you.
08:59Queens, immunity challenge.
09:01Anyone who can disarm my crazy ex gets immunity this week.
09:05No, absolutely not.
09:08Immunity is mine.
09:16Shit, he's still alive.
09:17I kind of came.
09:21Riley, Riley, put the bat down.
09:25I got something for each of you.
09:26Okay.
09:28Oh, shit.
09:29Bitch.
09:30Bitch.
09:31It's not the first time I've been hit in the face with a bat.
09:34It's kind of how I was raised.
09:36But you know what?
09:37It's just part of life and you keep on licking.
09:42Girl.
09:47Is this...
09:50Oh my God.
09:52These buffoons.
09:55Girl, I'm going to eat my sandwich in peace today.
09:58Got time for these hoes.
10:00I'm just going to make this sandwich
10:02while everybody's doing whatever they're doing.
10:04Claiborne has a little boyfriend up in there.
10:06It's just too much.
10:08And I just need a snack to settle my nerves.
10:13Hey there.
10:14What?
10:15Look at you.
10:16You have such beautiful eyes.
10:18What are you using that bat for, huh?
10:21Did you ever want to be a New York Yankee?
10:23Yeah.
10:24Oh my God.
10:25Have you heard of the Luke Skerrick's disease?
10:27No.
10:28It's a sad movie.
10:30Stand up straight and look tall.
10:32Have you ever heard of The Little Prince?
10:34No.
10:35All he wanted to do was dream about the stars.
10:37And then came an elephant.
10:39And Nataconda ate it up.
10:41Yeah, all that story.
10:43I think Tammy could talk me off the ledge.
10:45I mean, she might put them on the ledge.
10:47But then she can talk me back.
10:49Tammy seems weirdly comfortable around kids.
10:52And uncomfortable around chaos.
10:54Makes you wonder about what her childhood was like.
10:57Tammy used to be a head of a psych ward
10:59in a small mental facility in the heart of Pennsylvania.
11:03And that's her true origin story.
11:05And she's lying about the whole Texas thing.
11:07I think de-escalation is just getting in there,
11:09softly talk to them,
11:10pretend you're doing some asthma.
11:12They eat it up, and that's when you clobber them.
11:15Some what?
11:16Asthma.
11:17ASMR.
11:18Do you feel better?
11:19Do you feel calm?
11:21Can you breathe?
11:22Yeah.
11:23Good, good.
11:24I'm going to step over here for a minute.
11:26And you take a breather and relax.
11:28And if you need more help, I'll be around.
11:33And that's on EIEIO.
11:37You know, when it comes to immunity,
11:39I will do whatever it takes to be victorious.
11:42Now, I've done a lot of yoga practicing in my life,
11:45but I never knew this fist would come in handy that way.
11:50LaGonda and Tammy, double immunity.
11:52Yes! Come on, Tammy.
11:54Let's go.
11:56Me or the goddamn police.
11:59Okay, sorry.
12:00Elimination in one hour.
12:02All right, so who's going to go home?
12:04Let me start by saying I'll give each and every one of you
12:06$100 to vote me out.
12:08I want to leave.
12:09It's not going to make it to air.
12:11Like, these people are absolutely insane.
12:14And it's crazy because it's coming from me.
12:16And y'all know me to be the crazy bitch.
12:18Nothing could have prepared me
12:21for the dumpster fire that is this show.
12:25Is that a good sound bite, Mr. Producer?
12:27Huh? Huh?
12:38Hey there, little guy.
12:40Manoa.
12:43Ouch, that looks like it hurts.
12:49He's less threatening without the bat.
12:51And now all I'm seeing is a wounded bird.
12:56You were always one of my favorites.
12:58Your beat looks incredible.
13:00Oh, thank you.
13:02You know, I really liked what you were saying back there.
13:05About how you took his mother in.
13:08How you chained yourself to his bed.
13:11How you wanted to kill Claymore.
13:14I know what it's like to be misunderstood.
13:17Cops will probably be here any minute.
13:20Yeah.
13:21I'd say you have a solid five minutes.
13:24Five minutes of freedom.
13:26Five minutes.
13:30You want to make it count?
13:32Tammy.
13:34Please vote for me.
13:35I'd prefer to be led by the spirit.
13:37Okay, okay.
13:38$100 and a free cameo.
13:40How is that a value add?
13:41You know, Jujubee is really trying hard to get out of here.
13:45And I don't blame her.
13:46But the reason she's not getting out of here.
13:48Is because I'm not letting her out of here.
13:50I need her moral support.
13:52And I like having her around.
13:55Silky, are you okay?
14:01I'm allergic to peanuts.
14:03Well then why don't you put it on your sandwich?
14:08Oh God!
14:09Petey!
14:10Call 911!
14:11I just did!
14:12The cops are coming!
14:13We need an ambulance!
14:14What, the cops and the ambulance?
14:15Times will attack on the fire department.
14:17And a coast guard at this point.
14:18Just cover all our bases.
14:19As a former Boy Scout, I knew I had to jump in and help Silky.
14:23Because none of these other bitches know how to react in an emergency situation.
14:26And then I realized, I'm not getting paid.
14:28So I stopped.
14:29I was so terrified when Silky hit the ground.
14:32I mean, that's my sister.
14:34Who else is going to clear the craft table with me?
14:36I really wish that anaphylactic shock was contagious.
14:40Because I'd be right there sucking the anaphylactic shock right out of her mouth.
14:46What the hell is going on?
14:47Silky's having an allergic reaction.
14:49I think her throat is closing up.
14:50Didn't she make the sandwich herself?
14:52That bitch!
14:53She's trying to take herself out of the competition.
14:55This was my elimination!
14:57This emergency should be mine.
14:59There's an ambulance and a police car headed this way.
15:02I'm trying to figure out how to get in the back of one of them.
15:05It's up to me to change things around because that's what I do.
15:08I am a spiritual guru.
15:10I am the one.
15:11I will circumcise a chicken if I need to.
15:15It's not like that.
15:16Oh, it is right here.
15:18What the fuck?
15:21Claymore already hates me, so...
15:23This is another thing he can add to his list.
15:26Silky, she needs air blow on her.
15:28Silky, can you hear us?
15:30I want you to have this.
15:31What? Why?
15:32It's a womanizer.
15:34It's amazing.
15:35It just puffs a little air into your private parts.
15:37I want you to think of me and yourself.
15:39What about CPR, Tammy?
15:41Hold on, you've got to get a stick.
15:42We've got to clear her throat first.
15:45To defuse this situation is to be calm and watch what's going on
15:50because everybody else is going to freak out
15:51and they're not helping the situation.
15:53So what you do is you go in there, you calmly assess the situation
15:56and take care of them and hopefully they will go into the light.
16:00Oh God, Silky.
16:01Come and help us.
16:02She's breathing.
16:04We need a crane.
16:05Silky's firm.
16:06I want to go home.
16:08Your mortise is set, Dan.
16:10Oh God.
16:11Oh God.
16:13Come on, Silky.
16:15Oh, just keep pulling.
16:16Use your lower lumbar.
16:18You know, I was already feeling a little bit unsafe in this house
16:21and now we have literal stalkers breaking in.
16:24Like, where is the security?
16:26Where is the safety?
16:27Like, do we not matter to y'all?
16:30No, you guys matter to us.
16:32It's just that the Riley was like a one-time thing
16:35where we're working on hiring more security.
16:39So I have this theory that Rockham is actually still in the house
16:42and I've been leaving crumbs everywhere
16:45and I go back to check on it and they're gone.
16:48I know it's not the crew
16:49because they don't have a cleaning crew here.
16:56It's going away.
16:58Oh, it's going away.
17:06I get little flashes of her.
17:08She's like there and then she's gone
17:11and then she's there again
17:13and then she's probably, she's probably here.
17:16She's a fucking witch.
17:17She's a witch.
17:36Hi, everybody.
17:38Welcome back to Relaxing with Riley,
17:40the twink for all of your spirituality and meditation needs.
17:44There's nothing more important to me
17:46than exuding a calm demeanor
17:49and just being present in the moment
17:51and being, you know,
17:53in the moment.
17:54So I'm excited to be here.
17:56I'm excited to be here.
17:57I'm excited to be here.
17:58I'm excited to be here.
17:59I'm excited to be here.
18:00I'm excited to be here.
18:01I'm excited to be here.
18:02I'm excited to be here.
18:03Being present in the moment
18:04and being connected and grounded spiritually
18:07with my higher self,
18:09I find that a lot of people these days,
18:12mostly men,
18:13are evil and corrupt.
18:17And I have a lot of my mind
18:19I wanted to share with all of you today.
18:20First of all,
18:21I just wanted to say that
18:22every time a man tells you no,
18:24every time they say,
18:26you can't be here,
18:27I have a restraining order.
18:28Every time they say,
18:30we're not dating.
18:31Why are you in my house?
18:32I just want you to hold space for that pain
18:37because it's real and where it's hurt.
18:40But then I want you to just do you.
18:45Take a second.
18:46Find your breathing.
18:47Find your balance.
18:48Find your core.
18:51Don't let people stop you from doing you.
18:54Okay?
18:56That's why I'm so happy to say
19:00that House Arrest has been lifted.
19:02New chapter, new era, new me.
19:06I'm working on a novel.
19:09Sorry, my dog is here on set today.
19:13I don't know if you can see her.
19:15You know what's so funny
19:16is this isn't even my dog.
19:19I stole her from a girl at the Galleria.
19:24But she looked really unhappy with her
19:26and I thought I could give her a better life.
19:29You love your daddy.
19:30You love your new daddy.
19:33See y'all next time.