Drag House Rules S01 E02
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😹
FunTranscript
00:00Last week on Drag House Rules, $100,000.
00:07Well, that's a lot of cashola.
00:09Wait, did you say prize package?
00:11Who is this yahoo?
00:13All will be revealed.
00:14Huh? What do you mean?
00:15Silky, this was a mistake, okay?
00:17In real life, I'm 40. In reality TV, I'm 74.
00:21I don't want to compete in drag anymore, Silky.
00:23If you leave the house on your own accord, it's a breach of contract.
00:26And you'll owe the production company 50 grand.
00:29I can't do that.
00:30You can, and we did.
00:32Just play the game, GGB.
00:59Ladies, let's gather for the first immunity challenge.
01:27Here we go, sir.
01:28This is exciting.
01:29Let the games begin.
01:30What the fuck is that?
01:31I don't get any ideas.
01:32Okay, rude. I hated that.
01:35Okay, I'm kind of getting this weird vibe between Manila and Claymore right now.
01:42And I have no idea whether or not they want to fist each other's faces or fist each other's holes.
01:48But either way, there's fisting energy here.
01:53God, it's like he's chiseled from stone.
01:57Ladies, please meet model, recording artist, and venture capitalist, Jesse John Murno.
02:04Hi, ladies.
02:05Capitalist pig.
02:06Whoa, Tammy.
02:07No, no, it's okay.
02:08I actually prefer the term venture socialist.
02:11For me, it's all about making the world a better place.
02:16Beautiful.
02:17Now, for your first immunity challenge, each of you will be given a timed date with Jesse.
02:23Whoever makes the best impression will be safe from elimination.
02:27We got a date here.
02:28Now, that dude look very delicious.
02:31Don't get big mama wrong.
02:33But why are we fighting for him?
02:36First of all, they don't want to eat here.
02:38They ain't told us his credit score, if he even got a job.
02:42Baby, they probably got him from Skid Row downtown.
02:45And he over there looking like Tammy Brown and Jujubee had a baby.
02:50Let's get real, honey.
02:51I don't want that man.
02:52Make a bad impression, and it might be your last.
02:56Let the dating begin.
02:58If we fuck, we win.
03:00Immunity.
03:01Slay.
03:02Does that mean we have to get vaccinated?
03:04The games have begun, and I have one thing on my mind.
03:08It's how much I want to go home.
03:10Seeing that hot ass man reminded me why I'm here.
03:14I think he's a piece of excrement.
03:16I mean, first of all, I'm sure he's fracking out there.
03:19And if I even see in his portfolio one drop of this fossil fuel,
03:25I will take him outside, and I will shoot him with rubber bullets.
03:28Tammy, we really need you to play nice, you know?
03:32You need me to play nice?
03:34Jesse's doing us a big favor by coming on the show, and I just feel like.
03:37You feel like what?
03:38What do you feel like?
03:39I just need a sound bite I can use, Tammy.
03:41Oh, you need a sound bite you can use.
03:43I kind of info dump at the top of dates all the time.
03:46So my goal with this one is just to come in and be unauthentically
03:49my creepy, morbid, fucking horny self.
03:53You have really good eyes.
03:55Oh, thank you.
03:56I mean, seriously, those corneas are something else.
04:00Yeah, I know. I was going to say the same about you.
04:02Oh, we're so not prepared.
04:07My skin.
04:08Yes.
04:09Ready?
04:10Would you fuck me?
04:11I'd fuck me.
04:13I'd fuck me so hard.
04:15On a scale of North Korea to America, how free are you this weekend?
04:19Wow, that's quite a question.
04:21I have another one.
04:22On a scale of spread to eagle, how do you want me?
04:26And the answer is yes.
04:28Okay.
04:29Yes.
04:33Wow, you look breathtaking.
04:36Tell me something I don't know.
04:38Personality is really up there for me.
04:42Grab a ladder, babe.
04:44I love your sense of humor.
04:46You know a date is bad.
04:48When I started thinking, I wonder what my mama cooked for dinner today.
04:51Get in line.
04:53The back of the line.
04:55For you any day.
04:56I bet.
04:58I'm sure.
04:59Yeah, I am sure.
05:00I'm not.
05:02I'm sorry?
05:03I'm not.
05:04What y'all really need to do is send in his daddy.
05:06Wow, you have such a glow about you.
05:09That's just the jaundice, actually.
05:11Oh.
05:13All right, I don't really have jaundice.
05:16But the last thing I want is to win this immunity challenge.
05:19So I'm going into this date and doing my best to lose.
05:24So do you have any pets?
05:26Yeah, some call them that.
05:28I call them children.
05:29Oh.
05:30I actually have a-
05:31I have six cats, actually.
05:33Bobo, Mr., Chris, Binky, Poo-Poo, and Kevin.
05:38Wow.
05:39You know, sometimes when the fur builds up,
05:41I build a whole mannequin of fur babies.
05:45That's beautiful.
05:48So, how are you, Tammy?
05:52You doing okay?
05:54He's not one of my Bulgarian lovers.
05:56I like my men rough and I like my men tough.
05:58I don't need someone who's going to be one of these Valentino types,
06:01a little cotton puff and 19-something or another,
06:04you know, in there freshening up.
06:06I need a man to take a stand.
06:08You know, walking children nature, hashtag not grooming?
06:11Yeah, that's me.
06:12I don't need some pipsqueak.
06:14And you must be a Leo.
06:18Oh, my God.
06:19Yeah.
06:20How'd you know that?
06:21Well, you give off this kindness,
06:23but there's also this ferocity inside of you.
06:25It's like you have to prove something.
06:28Where do you think that comes from?
06:30God, it's like you know me.
06:32Um, I don't know.
06:36Okay, flip it around.
06:371.5, take a couple pictures of me.
06:39I need them for my sushis.
06:42So get my good side, my good side, my good side.
06:46Left, left, my left.
06:47Just imagine I'm like a sexy quiche.
06:49Okay.
06:50At brunch.
06:51He looks like a millennial, but he shoots like a boomer.
06:55Honestly, if he fucks like a boomer, boom goes the dynamite.
07:01Dynamite is my asshole.
07:03Your asshole wouldn't explode?
07:04Yeah.
07:05Yeah?
07:06Do you want to see my room?
07:08Oh.
07:09Why not?
07:11What was your strategy going into the date with Jessie?
07:14Oh, I don't need a strategy.
07:17I mean, just look at me.
07:18You want to try some under the table stuff?
07:21Yeah.
07:22I got long legs.
07:24Oh, wow.
07:25Are you a cemetery?
07:26Because I'm dead inside, and I want to bury myself in you.
07:31I clean them with my tongue.
07:34Because, you know, the mother cat cleans the babies with their tongues
07:38after they suckle on the breasts.
07:41With your actual tongue?
07:42You lick your cats?
07:44Yeah.
07:45It's awful.
07:46Thank you for your honesty.
07:48Oh, you're welcome for my honesty.
07:51You know what?
07:53I don't even think I would date myself.
07:55You know, going into the date, I really just tried to focus on Jessie.
07:59I was always taught that the best learners listen.
08:02Because I had big ears, they all called me Big Ears.
08:05And I didn't realize that I would grow into them one day,
08:09but I just really felt like, is this who I am?
08:12Am I that person?
08:14Am I going to be able to grow up and feel confident in myself?
08:18And I just, it was really hard, you know?
08:25Is this all the ask you kiss?
08:28Maybe we just got off on the wrong foot.
08:30I asked you, is this all the ask you kiss?
08:33Um, I'm sorry.
08:36Don't apologize, you cheap fuck.
08:38He's just a corporate piece of trash.
08:41And you know what you do with trash?
08:43You burn it.
08:44You are the sun.
08:45You're the moon.
08:47You're the galaxies.
08:48You're my universe.
08:50I've heard all of that before, baby.
08:51No, no, no, no, I'm different.
08:52I swear.
08:53Oh, I got another one.
08:54We got to get socials for my OnlyFans.
08:56Hold on.
08:57Can you get these?
08:58Oh.
08:59Just right there.
09:00You're giving mahogany.
09:02That smell?
09:03Yeah, no, I kind of like that.
09:04No, I'm talking about the wood for your coffin.
09:07Do you like knocking?
09:09Do you think my ears are big?
09:13No, honey.
09:14You hesitated a little bit.
09:15So there was something there, right?
09:16They are big.
09:17Oh, I just was taking it all in.
09:18But they're normal size.
09:19It's just that they stick out too much, right?
09:21No, they look great.
09:22But so these, I'm OK?
09:24You, you find me attractive?
09:26Honey, you're OK.
09:29OK.
09:30We're exchanging kinks here.
09:31Got it.
09:32OK.
09:33Pits, biting nipples are mine.
09:34What are yours?
09:37Walks on a beach, whispers in my ear.
09:41What kind of chicken noodle soup for the teenage soul bitch
09:43are you?
09:46Not my best date.
09:48Tell me when to stop.
09:49Tell me when to stop.
09:50Tell me when to stop.
09:51I mean, here, let me get another shot of you.
09:53Oh.
09:54Yeah.
09:55That's great.
09:56Let me explain something to you.
09:57OK.
09:58Manila, she could do jumping jacks.
10:01She's great with her mouth.
10:03Oh, Silky, fantastic personality.
10:07She's funny.
10:08She can cook.
10:09Bitch, whoever she is.
10:12I hear she's a fantastic lover.
10:15Laganja, she's great with marijuana.
10:22Me?
10:23Yeah.
10:25I'm a piece of shit.
10:27Old, dry, and my vagina's really loose.
10:34And you don't want that, do you?
10:36I got to say, there's something so refreshing about your honesty.
10:40It's kind of turning me on.
10:44Oh, fuck.
10:46This whole day, you've just been complaining about how you don't want to be here.
10:49But my job as a story producer is to make it sound like there's some stakes for you.
10:54So could you please give me a sound bite like, oh, I'm so excited to be here.
10:58OK.
11:00I am so excited to be here.
11:03It's awesome.
11:06And I'm so happy.
11:10Let Jujubee leave.
11:11I mean, I'll stay here.
11:13I'll be on more episodes of the show.
11:15I'll get laid more.
11:16Juju, if you're listening to this, in the arms of an angel.
11:23Stay with me.
11:24We're already doing charity work.
11:25This is charity.
11:26Did you see that dude that they done brought us in today?
11:29This is definitely charity.
11:37Oh, what is that?
11:39You scared me.
11:41It's a carbocata of my therapist, Dr. Nelson Leach from Blues and Blas.
11:45Therapist sent you that?
11:47No.
11:48He had it made.
11:50OK.
11:51Oh, God.
11:52This competition can't be good for my mental health.
11:55That's why I have you.
11:58I guess I'm just a bit frustrated.
12:01How so, sis?
12:02Girl, I'm just, I'm tired.
12:05Some of these girls get so lucky because they make it out early.
12:08They come in.
12:09They get a memorable moment.
12:11They leave.
12:12Easy.
12:13All right?
12:14Making it to the end used to be so cool.
12:16But when you've done it as many times as I have, it's just one of those...
12:19It's just one of those things where it's, you know, I just...
12:34Juju, I know what it's like.
12:37I know what it's like to put your pussy there and come home crownless, you know?
12:42But the difference is this time...
12:45Mm, mm, mm.
12:47Give me this knife, girl, because, honey, I got to get it right for you, baby,
12:50because this time it's going to be different.
12:52And it did...
12:53Oh, shit.
12:54And the difference is, oh, pina colada.
12:57This is horrible.
12:59I'm sure it'll taste good.
13:02It always tastes good.
13:04Mm-hmm.
13:05Yeah.
13:06Hand to hand, though.
13:07Hand to hand.
13:08The difference is you only got me to worry about.
13:13That's the only thing, girl.
13:15I'm competition, though.
13:16Yeah, I know.
13:17Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:19But I've watched all 98 of your seasons.
13:22And, honey, I'd be honored if it was my ride or die.
13:25Boring!
13:27Do you think that two icons would know how to fill camera time better?
13:31Wait a minute.
13:32Didn't they take our phones?
13:34They only took one phone.
13:35I have, like, five, and they're all smart.
13:38Gross.
13:39This one's for Daddy.
13:41Oh, my gosh.
13:42Oh, my goodness, girl.
13:43I got to go make some content and bleach my butthole.
13:47Later, you old crows.
13:50Crows?
13:51Crow?
13:52Baby, at least you recognize that we are two icons.
13:55Bitch barely here.
13:57Got to get on this chicken dinner show.
13:59That bitch over there, honey.
14:01Yeah.
14:02Drink up!
14:04You know, that Jesse had a lot to tell me about.
14:07What's the scoop?
14:09Well, he needs a therapist.
14:11Therapist, really?
14:12Yeah, like all these problems with his mom or something about his big ears.
14:16I couldn't really follow.
14:18I just kind of nodded.
14:19I have a boyfriend, and he has those cauliflower ears.
14:22What?
14:23Does Jesse know?
14:25I don't care about Jesse.
14:26You should have seen me berate him.
14:28You berated him?
14:29That's all I did.
14:30Did you beat him?
14:31No.
14:32No?
14:33Just berated?
14:34Just berated.
14:35A lot of YouTube videos.
14:36Oh.
14:37Mm-hmm.
14:38The boob tube.
14:39I even got a little bit of that porn hub on him.
14:41You did?
14:42Beefcake Hunters.
14:43Oh.
14:44I'd like to see his pee-pee.
14:45Mm-hmm.
14:46I bet it's big.
14:47I don't want to see that.
14:48I'll chop that thing up, make some fresh calamari soup.
14:51I think the CBD might be working.
14:56Well, of course it does.
14:58Yeah.
14:59You're a good one, Tammy.
15:00I know.
15:01We're both from Texas.
15:02Is that what it is?
15:03Yes.
15:04And, you know, we killed a president.
15:05Well, we did.
15:06Mm-hmm.
15:07I think that none of the girls respect me.
15:08And, you know, I obviously look like my favorite source, Hot Topic.
15:10I'm into pain.
15:11I'm obsessed with anime.
15:12Wait.
15:13Really?
15:14Yeah.
15:15Me, too.
15:16I want that slate.
15:17What are you watching?
15:18What are you watching?
15:19Death Note.
15:20Classic.
15:21How many times?
15:22It's my 18th time.
15:23Hot.
15:24Speaking of hot, do you want to talk strategy?
15:28Strategy?
15:29What do you mean, strategy?
15:30You know, for the show.
15:31The show we're here for?
15:32That we're filming?
15:34No, not really.
15:37I'm struggling to take this competition seriously.
15:43Okay, I'm honestly nervous.
15:45I'm really not getting along with any of these girls.
15:48And production's getting weird with me.
15:50I know how these things pan out.
15:51If you don't make Buddy Buddy, you don't have a plot line, and you go home.
15:54And I came to fucking win.
15:57I just want to make a friend.
15:59I wanted to pull you aside.
16:00I need to talk to you.
16:01Girl, what the fuck are we doing here?
16:03I know.
16:05We are way too good for a show like this.
16:08I know.
16:09The only thing good about this place is, like, some of the producers are kind of hot.
16:11I know.
16:12Wait.
16:13Which one?
16:14You know.
16:15The one with the...
16:16Hey, where's the...
16:17Oh, I know.
16:19Oh, my God.
16:20We got to get the fuck out of here.
16:22Oh, my God.
16:24What are you thinking?
16:26I'm just pretty.
16:28No brains?
16:29Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:30So I've been cooking something up between, like, a lawsuit and a...
16:34A lawsuit and, like, a prison break.
16:37But it's going to take some time.
16:38Mm-hmm.
16:39So I got some lawyer friends on the outside that I'm talking to.
16:42How?
16:43They took our phones.
16:44Yeah.
16:45Rockham gave me one of her extra phones because I promised her that I was going to repost her reels for, like, a week.
16:50Oh, wait.
16:51That sounds like a commitment.
16:52Oh, girl, I'm not going to actually do it.
16:54Oh, that's genius.
16:57You know, I'm going to use that phone and get you a speech therapist.
17:01Girl, take my advice, okay?
17:03Just be fake.
17:06Being fake is so fun.
17:08I love being fake.
17:09You want some?
17:10Rock, I just don't think you get it.
17:13There's nothing to get, hon.
17:15It's not that serious.
17:18You just got to relax and chill.
17:21Cheers to that.
17:22Rose ceremony in ten, ladies.
17:25Rose ceremony?
17:28Was that a PA or a producer?
17:30Girl, I don't know, but everyone on this set looks too young and underqualified to be here.
17:34You know, I'm a sucker for a little underdog.
17:36So if a girl has absolutely zero and no chance of ever getting the crown, you better believe I'm going to be there to catch her when she falls.
17:45I'm a bitch, but I'm a real bitch.
17:47And Rockham told me to be fake, and I just don't fuck with that shit.
17:50You know, Rock is really sweet, but she gives a lot of unsolicited advice.
17:55Sometimes she just needs to shh.
17:59Ladies, welcome to the rose ceremony.
18:03Jessie has five black roses and one red one.
18:07You receive a black rose, you did not win this challenge.
18:11You receive a red one, you receive immunity for this episode.
18:15You're looking at your winner right here.
18:17Where?
18:18Bold of you to say that.
18:20What is this deal?
18:22Have you guys been noticing the tension between Claymore and Manila?
18:26They have kind of like this odd sexual tension.
18:30It's palpable.
18:32It's on the floor.
18:33It's dripping from the walls.
18:35Ladies, I have enjoyed every moment together, and it pains me that I have to choose only one.
18:43But societal norms constrains us, and so I have made my choice.
18:49The first woman to receive the black rose is Manila.
18:57Literally, what?
18:59I'm sorry.
19:02Black rose, whatever.
19:04Desperation is like a repellent to getting laid.
19:09No one wants to be around anyone that's desperate, and they definitely don't want to have sex with that.
19:14This is a bad look for me to be associated with.
19:18I hold in my hand the next black rose, and it goes to Silky.
19:27Bring that rose over here.
19:29It's been an honor.
19:31Go back, hurry.
19:33He need to be giving out our orders from lunch or something.
19:37That'll suit him better.
19:40My next black rose sadly goes to Bitch.
19:49Feels targeted.
19:50I have another black rose.
19:53This one's for Jujubee.
19:55It's okay, baby.
19:57Thanks for giving me a chance to be voted out and out of this house.
20:00My pleasure.
20:03And my final black rose goes to Rock'em.
20:10Rock'em.
20:13Go here, just, yeah.
20:17Ladies, this is the final rose.
20:20Jessie, whenever you're ready.
20:22And Tammy, put away the knife.
20:26See that?
20:27Little monkey dick.
20:29Who do you not want to see get the red rose?
20:31I want to see Jessie get the rose.
20:33That's not how this works.
20:35Well, that's how it's going to work, because I'm going to write this script the way it's going to work.
20:38This is my reality, not his, and I'm sick of his shit.
20:41Who do I think would have made a better bachelor for this episode?
20:45Well, guess who?
20:46Satan himself.
20:48I'd prefer to have Satan, because I know he has a thorny prick.
20:51Ladies, the winner of this challenge and the winner of my heart is...
21:01LaGanja Estranja.
21:04It's been so long since I've gone on a date, and I truly felt seen.
21:08Oh, my God, I just won the red rose.
21:11I feel seen.
21:13I feel incredible.
21:14You held me with your kindness and your gaze, like with your eyes.
21:19This rose is for you.
21:22Thank you so much.
21:25I'm going to give those big ears tinnitus.
21:27Okay, yeah, thank you.
21:30And that marks the end of our first challenge.
21:33Jessie, thank you so much for being here.
21:35Everyone give a round of applause to Jessie.
21:38And now it's time for you to prepare for the voting ceremony, which begins shortly.
21:43Good luck to you all.
21:44Y'all are going to need me.
21:46Good luck, ladies.
21:48And rock them.
21:50I'll be taking that phone.
21:52No!
21:55You know, I hate this part, but we have to make a decision.
22:00Are you down with the plan still?
22:03It's time to take out the trash.
22:06That's so funny, ladies, because the last time I checked, trash was spelled J-U-J-U-B-E-E.
22:12Make your votes count, ladies.
22:18I don't think she can spell.
22:21I'm changing the game.
22:22I'm asking all the queens to write my name down because I want to be eliminated.
22:27She's been wanting to go home the whole damn time.
22:29Let's keep her here the whole time.
22:30It's the goal.
22:33Bitch.
22:34Where's that joint, though?
22:35And where's that freak?
22:36Look at that freak up there looking at us.