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00:00Thank you for letting us be ourselves, so don't mind me if I repeat myself.
00:07These simple lines be good for your health.
00:09Keep them trying when I'm dead short.
00:11Live love life like you just don't care.
00:13Five thousand leaders never scared.
00:15Raise the noise, it's the moment they fear.
00:17Get up, this is a beautiful idea.
00:19Get up, throw your hands in the air.
00:21Get up, it's showtime.
00:23Get up, it's showtime.
00:25Get up, it's showtime.
00:27Get up, it's showtime.
00:29Get up, it's showtime.
00:31Get up, it's showtime.
00:33Get up, it's showtime.
00:35Get up, it's showtime.
00:37Get up, it's showtime.
00:39Blow up some balloons, fire off some streamers
00:41and try not to get them stuck in your wheelchair.
00:43It's our 350th episode.
00:45We're live and it's time for the Last Leg.
00:50Tonight on the show we tap into what's happening in the world,
00:54flush out what's going on closer to home,
00:56and shower ourselves with praise for our 350th episode.
01:01Plus, we'll be joined by comedian Jamali Maddox,
01:03dancer and presenter Oti Mabuse,
01:05and all-round legend Sir Lenny Henry
01:07on the show that likes to let the news sink in.
01:11Hello, I'm Adam Hill.
01:27Wow. Big Friday night.
01:33Welcome to The Last Leg, the show that heard Amazon
01:35have taken over the James Bond franchise
01:37and really hopes his catchphrase isn't,
01:39I like my packages shaken, not stirred.
01:41With me, as always, is the pride of Dartmoor, Josh Widdicombe,
01:43and the man who went to see Wicked
01:45because he thought it was a movie about alco-pops,
01:47Alex Brooker.
01:54Now, it's been a big week of learning
01:57in the Brooker house this week, hasn't it?
01:58Yeah, it has.
02:00The other day, I was putting my six-year-old to bed.
02:04Yeah. And she looked over at me, and she looked.
02:07She said, what the fuck's that jumper?
02:11Yeah, was that before or after she threw up on it?
02:16What's the matter with the jumper?
02:17Oh, everything.
02:19Oh, I like it.
02:20I like goalkeeper tops.
02:22Oh, I thought you were going to...
02:23Don't say Spider-Man.
02:25No, I wasn't going to say Spider-Man.
02:26Oh, good. I looked like what would really happen
02:28if a radioactive spider bit your hand.
02:31But, yeah, so anyway, so my daughter,
02:33she was six-years-old, she looked at my arms,
02:37and she just went, why have you got the shortest arms in the house?
02:41And at that point, you know, I could have explained to her
02:43that Daddy's different, Daddy was just born different,
02:46but instead I went, you have.
02:51And proceeded to then go, all right,
02:52we'll measure them then, shall we?
02:53We'll measure Sue's.
02:55Sue's got the shortest arms in the house.
02:56And as she put her arm out, I kind of realised,
02:59actually, the right one, she's probably beaten,
03:00because I put the left one out, so it's longer.
03:03Listen, I think with my kids, genuinely, and I've realised...
03:06So have you got, like, little lines on the wall
03:08of how much their arms have grown?
03:09Yeah, it's just there, like that.
03:11Literally an arms race.
03:15Because it's really, it's a tough one to explain to them.
03:17Yeah. Because I don't have, like, people, I think,
03:20expect that I've got a condition, but I don't.
03:23I don't have any condition.
03:24I did all, like, the genetic testing and stuff like that,
03:27and genuinely, the doctors said to me that you don't have
03:30any condition medically discovered so far.
03:34However, you could be the first, and you could do, like, a whole...
03:39I could be, like, the carrier and make a load of me's.
03:43Right. They said to cover themselves,
03:44which I think is bollocks, but basically,
03:46what I think they were getting at is,
03:48if you ate me in a wet market, it could start a pandemic.
03:54Now, look, we are live on your TV right now,
03:56which means you can send us any questions you want to ask us
03:58about the news, message us on Instagram with the hashtag
04:01or via WhatsApp, using the number...
04:06Or you can scan the QR code on the screen.
04:08Very excited tonight to be celebrating what we're pretty sure is
04:12our 350th episode of The Last Leg.
04:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
04:24Now, last night, EastEnders did a live episode to celebrate 40 years
04:29in which viewers voted for storylines and even a baby name.
04:33Oh, please tell me there's a baby on Albert Square
04:35called Baby McBabyface.
04:37LAUGHTER
04:39We, of course, we've been going live since 2012.
04:42We're used to going live, and to prove it,
04:44cos some people forget that we're actually live,
04:46here is a small compilation of the moments
04:48that clearly weren't pre-recorded.
04:53Oh! Oh! Oh!
04:55Oh, my God!
04:59Bring in the sand!
05:03Let's go!
05:04LAUGHTER
05:07We're sticking with this, are we?
05:09We are sticking with this.
05:11Are we having an issue with Matt's mic there?
05:13Yeah, do you want to use this one?
05:14Oh, this is a handheld. Oh, yeah, that's the dumbest thing.
05:16LAUGHTER
05:19Where's Matt of your career?
05:22Now, before...
05:23Oh, hey!
05:26Woo-hoo!
05:28This is not part of the show.
05:30I'm William. Hi, William.
05:31When I saw it was just stop oil, I was very relieved,
05:34cos we slagged off Putin last week.
05:36LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
05:44And, look, since EastEnders went live last night,
05:47we're going to do the opposite.
05:48We're going to make it look like we're pre-recorded tonight.
05:51So what we're going to do throughout the show,
05:52we're going to plant a whole bunch of continuity errors
05:55in the show tonight
05:56to make it look like we're pre-recorded
05:58and we've just made mistakes.
05:59So see if you can spot the differences.
06:00We'll reveal them all next week.
06:02Spot the difference is going to be one of the original names
06:04for this show, isn't it?
06:05LAUGHTER
06:07Before we get on with the show,
06:08also, let's check in with the new Last Leg stands
06:10we renamed last week.
06:11Give me a cheer from the handstands!
06:13CHEERING
06:18And give me a...
06:20Give me a cheer from the leggings!
06:23CHEERING
06:27CHEERING
06:33All right!
06:34Nice work.
06:36Getting leery.
06:37All right, on to the big story now.
06:38Charles said,
06:40is it OK that Donald Trump has called Zelensky a dictator
06:42whilst turning America into a dictatorship?
06:45It's a very weird thing to say
06:47whilst a massive Last Leg-end thing just gets rolled down.
06:50There was about half an audience
06:52who were genuinely gasping for breath on...
06:54LAUGHTER
06:56Yes, three years after Russia invaded Ukraine,
06:59the Tangerine Tyrant called
07:00the democratically elected Ukrainian president a dictator
07:03in this ranting post.
07:05World leaders were shocked, media outlets were outraged,
07:08and EU leaders sent thoughts and prayers.
07:11Well, Zelensky's clearly not a dictator,
07:13because if he was, Trump would be sucking up to him.
07:16Yeah. But I think it was...
07:18Maybe Trump meant it as a compliment.
07:20He's a dictator, and I've got a thing or two to learn from him.
07:25I think that it was so...
07:27I mean, he called him a dictator,
07:29but he also said that the war starting was Zelensky's fault,
07:34it was Ukraine's fault.
07:36An opinion so mad, so unpopular,
07:39that even Nigel Farage, Piers Morgan and the Daily Mail
07:43all went, that's a bit much.
07:45And I worry now, if that's his thing, unpopular opinions,
07:49like, where's he going to go next?
07:51What's he going to say next week?
07:53He's going to start a press conference and just go,
07:55do you know, it was Mufasa's fault, he died,
07:57he didn't hold on enough.
08:00I think, actually, P. Diddy didn't have enough baby oil.
08:08I've never known two jokes
08:10that are more from the different end of the spectrum.
08:13It was the fact you'd just done Lion King ten seconds earlier.
08:16Yeah, you always go, Disney to Diddy.
08:20I thought the harshest part for Zelensky
08:23was that Trump described him as, quote,
08:25a modestly successful comedian.
08:27That sounds like something that would go on his tour poster.
08:30That's the thing that me and you went, this is too much.
08:33Yeah. But he's been fighting a war.
08:36It's not like he could go on 8 Out Of 10 Councillors Countdown.
08:40People forget Zelensky was a comedian
08:42before he took over the country.
08:44I'd like to see him respond to Trump
08:46like a comedian responds to a heckler.
08:48Like I'd love him to just go, hey, hey, hey, Trump,
08:51I'm trying to do my job here.
08:53I don't go to where you work and slap billionaires' dicks out of your mouth.
08:58Trump said, quote, this war is far more important to Europe
09:01than it is to us, and then added,
09:03we have a big, beautiful ocean of separation.
09:05How does he make everything sound seedy?
09:07I know. Big, beautiful ocean.
09:09Even then it sounds like he's getting the urn off the sea.
09:12It sounds like he's talking about his daughter, doesn't he?
09:16And all this comes up, he fancied his daughter,
09:19it was a running joke last time.
09:22Remember four years ago when she existed.
09:25Got to stick to the Disney stuff.
09:29The mad thing is, this comes after years of US presidents
09:32showing support for Europe.
09:33Do you know what I mean?
09:34In 1963, JFK said, ich bin ein Berliner.
09:36This week, Donald Trump said, new number, who dis?
09:39Trump's outburst basically came because Zelensky called him out
09:42on his bullshit, which is a really good reminder
09:44that that's what we should all be doing.
09:46Let's run through Captain Comover's false claims about Ukraine.
09:50Trump said Zelensky has a 4% approval rating.
09:53Bullshit!
09:54A recent poll said Zelensky has around 57% approval,
09:58which is actually about 10% higher than Trump's.
10:01Trump said the US has sent more money to Ukraine than Europe.
10:04Bullshit!
10:05The US has sent around £94 billion,
10:07while Europe has sent £109 billion.
10:10Trump said some of that money that the US has sent to Ukraine
10:14has gone missing.
10:15That one is...
10:16A shatamaran.
10:18It didn't go missing.
10:19It stayed in America.
10:20It was spent on training soldiers and building weapons.
10:23Trump claims Zelensky refused to hold an election.
10:27Actually, that one's kind of true.
10:29Zelensky was due to hold the next election in 2024,
10:32but he didn't because...
10:33Oh, why was it again?
10:34Oh, yeah, his country's at war.
10:36Just like the UK didn't hold any elections during World War II.
10:40As we mentioned earlier, Trump called Zelensky a dictator,
10:43which, as we all know, is...
10:45A turd the size of Disneyland Paris.
10:48And to top it all off, Trump blamed Ukraine for starting the war.
10:52Bullshit!
10:53Bullshit!
10:54Bullshit!
10:55Bullshit!
10:56A turd the size of Disneyland Paris.
10:58Fuck off.
11:02That was beautiful, that.
11:04It's a skill.
11:05It's a skill.
11:08It's like watching Elton John at his best.
11:12By the way, Trump didn't have a single bad word to say about Putin.
11:16So why does any of this matter to us?
11:18Well, Ukraine's a three-hour flight away.
11:20That's closer than Tenerife.
11:22The worry is, if we hand over parts of Ukraine to Russia,
11:24Putin's going to feel cocky enough to try it on with the rest of Europe
11:27because a bully is always going to be a bully.
11:29Put it this way, and I thought of this during the week, all right?
11:32When I was 14, someone at high school stole my pencil case.
11:35OK.
11:36I didn't know who it was, but I knew...
11:38You thought we were on a news-based TV show, Adam.
11:40This is a metaphor.
11:42And I asked around, and some of the other kids said
11:44it was Gavin Parker that stole it.
11:46So I went up to Gavin Parker and went,
11:48right, did you steal my pencil case?
11:50And he's like, no, I didn't steal your pencil case.
11:52I was like, are you sure, and he went, I didn't steal your pencil case.
11:54Can I just stop you there?
11:55Do you just want to lay on the sofa while you tell this story?
11:57Do you want to just...
11:58There's just...
11:59You can just come...
12:00You have a little lay-down.
12:01OK, yeah.
12:02Just get it all out.
12:03OK.
12:04Can I just lie down on the sofa?
12:05Yeah, of course, fine.
12:07So...
12:08And just so you know, this Gavin Parker,
12:10he sounds like a prick.
12:12So I went up to Gavin Parker and said, did you steal my pencil case?
12:14And he went, no, I didn't.
12:15I went, right, OK.
12:17I'm going to have to get myself a new pencil case.
12:19And how did that make you feel?
12:21Oh, really sad.
12:22But then I realised that Naresh Iyer had given me
12:25a cassette tape to tape Footloose for him, the album, right?
12:29So...
12:30And that was...
12:31What?
12:32It was like a $7 tape.
12:33Yeah, why was Brooker laughing?
12:34Because it was Footloose.
12:35All right, so...
12:42I went back to Gavin Parker and I said, right,
12:44can I have my pencil case back?
12:45And he said, you can have it for a dollar.
12:47And I was like, hang on, you said you didn't steal it before.
12:49Now you're saying I can have it back for a dollar.
12:51And then I thought, well, the cassette's in it.
12:53So I went home, came back with the dollar the next day,
12:55gave him the dollar for the pencil case.
12:57OK.
12:58And the cassette wasn't in it.
12:59Yeah.
13:00So I said, what happened to the cassette?
13:01And he went, what cassette?
13:02I said, there was a cassette in it.
13:03He said, all right,
13:05and that's when I realised a bully is a bully is a bully.
13:08And you can give in, but they're not going to stop.
13:10They're just going to keep being bullies.
13:12OK, well, that's all we have.
13:13That's your session over.
13:14That's all we've got time for.
13:16Gavin, we'll see you next week and we can talk about maybe
13:19what happened when he stole your leg, OK?
13:26It is a good metaphor, Hill.
13:28It is a good metaphor.
13:29It is a good metaphor.
13:30Bullies are bullies.
13:31And it's good that you haven't held on to that.
13:35By which I mean the tape.
13:37In amongst all this, it feels like Europe have done
13:39absolutely fuck all to prepare for this.
13:41Starmer and Macron are both planning to visit Trump this week.
13:44Macron said he's going to tell Trump that if he gives in to Putin,
13:48he's going to look weak on the world stage.
13:50So he's basically playing straight to Trump's ego.
13:52Yeah, he knows because Trump's a child, isn't he?
13:54He's going to try and get in his head.
13:56He's going to be sat there just going, by the way, Donald,
13:59I thought it was out of order of Putin to call you a big orange fanny.
14:03And he's going to be like, what?
14:04He's like, yeah, you know, on the World Leader's...
14:06You're in the World Leader's WhatsApp group, aren't you?
14:08You know because he also said that you had the shortest arms
14:10of all the world leaders.
14:12And I think Starmer should play with him as well.
14:14Do you remember when Theresa May went over there
14:16and she had to hold Donald Trump's hand when he walked down the ramp?
14:19Yeah.
14:20I think Starmer should do that.
14:21Just grab it and then hold it.
14:23And Trump will be like, get out.
14:24And he'll be like, no, I've got you, Donald.
14:26Treat him like an old doddery old man.
14:28Get to the bottom of the ramp and go, we're going left, Donald.
14:32And you know what I'd love to see?
14:33In front of the press, when they ask questions,
14:35I'd love to see Keir Starmer sitting there next to Donald Trump
14:37saying, well, the President and I had an excellent...
14:40I said, the President and I...
14:44And look, maybe there is hope.
14:45Maybe America hasn't lost their heads completely.
14:47Maybe they still have some sense of maturity about them.
14:50Or maybe Elon Musk appeared at a conference overnight
14:52brandishing a chainsaw while dressed like a Power Ranger
14:55having a midlife crisis.
14:56You be the judge.
15:02This is the chainsaw for bureaucracy.
15:06Chainsaw!
15:11OK, so, sure, Elon Musk looks like a Terminator
15:15who just discovered Ketamine.
15:17But it's not like former Trump adviser Steve Bannon
15:20gave what some have described as a Nazi salute
15:22at the same conference.
15:24Or is it?
15:26We're not going to retreat.
15:28We're not going to surrender.
15:29We're not going to quit.
15:30Fight! Fight! Fight!
15:35I'm going to say it,
15:36the American remake of the Nazi party is shit.
15:39In Bannon's defence, Brooker's daughter was out of shot
15:42asking if he had longer arms than that.
15:44He kind of does it quite coyly.
15:46You know when you wave at someone
15:49and you realise they're not looking?
15:52One French far-right leader cancelled his speech
15:55at the conference today after that gesture.
15:57The far-right are now distancing themselves from America.
16:01Bannon denied the comparison and called it a wave
16:04and then said,
16:05oh, I finish all my speeches like that.
16:07That doesn't make it better!
16:10A few weeks ago,
16:11Kevin Bridges gave us an idea for how to measure it.
16:13So let's try, let's see, let's see.
16:15Let's have a look at this.
16:16There you go.
16:17That is right in the red zone.
16:19Do you know what I mean?
16:20And also, why is it that the guys who believe in a master race
16:24never represent it physically?
16:27Do you know what I mean?
16:28If you saw Steve Bannon in a deli, you'd check the use-by date.
16:32He looks like something you'd find clogging your stepdad's arteries.
16:37Look, the worrying thing about Donald Trump's stance on Ukraine this week
16:40is that everything he said was a Kremlin talking point.
16:43In fact, this week,
16:44Zelensky outlined what he thinks Putin will do with Trump next.
16:47Have a listen in this passionate speech.
16:51Next, Putin will try to get the US president
16:55standing on Red Square on May 9th this year
17:00not as a respected leader,
17:02but as a prop in his own performance.
17:07I mean, you can tell Zelensky used to be a comedian
17:09because he hates prop comedy.
17:11And just like a comedian,
17:12right now he's looking at a map of Ukraine and saying to Putin,
17:14hey, you stole my bit.
17:17Look, the history of leaders and power struggles in Ukraine
17:19is a kind of tricky one.
17:20So we're going to try to explain it to you
17:22in the only art form stand-ups hate more than prop comedy,
17:26puppetry.
17:29So,
17:34ever since the break-up of the Soviet Union,
17:38Russia and America have fought to pull the strings in Ukraine.
17:43Now, the first Ukrainian president was pretty much under Russia's control.
17:47But then, an American-friendly president was installed.
17:52Now, the Russians got a bit annoyed at this,
17:54so then they got one of their own in again.
17:57Then the Americans pushed back,
17:59and that's how Zelensky ended up in charge.
18:01So this all pissed Putin off.
18:03But then, he had an idea.
18:05Instead of trying to control the Ukrainian president,
18:07why not control the US president?
18:12Fuckin' hell.
18:13Now,
18:16We're live! We're live!
18:18Now it doesn't matter who's in power in Ukraine,
18:21because Russia controls them both
18:22in what will now be known as
18:24Puppetry of the Penises.
18:37Alright, let's welcome tonight's guest.
18:39She's lightning on her feet, they've got funny bones.
18:41Please welcome dancer and presenter Oti Mabuse
18:43and comedians Jamali Maddox and Sir Lenny Henry.
18:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:56Welcome, welcome, welcome.
19:02Hello, Oti. Hello.
19:04Lovely to see you.
19:10I think...
19:12Right, Oti, do you want to talk politics?
19:14Absolutely not. OK.
19:16Jamali... I love this line-up, by the way.
19:18I know. This is a great line-up.
19:20Have you had this many black people on your couch at one time?
19:24On this show ever?
19:26This is like Gladys Knight and the Pips reformed.
19:29People were worried we were going to turn into a barbecue.
19:32Yeah.
19:34Black History Month.
19:36So great.
19:37I like how we were talking about the far right,
19:39and now it's just us.
19:40People with their far right are going to be so mad at this.
19:43Middle England will be like...
19:45So, Jamali, what do you...? Look at this.
19:48What do you make of that, of Ukraine and Donald Trump and everything?
19:51The thing is, we keep on trying to see America as reasonable
19:55and we keep on acting surprised about what they're doing.
19:58They're the same country that made Jerry Springer.
20:01Yeah.
20:02This is who they are. Yeah.
20:04Do you know what I mean? So it's just like, yeah, this is what they do.
20:07America is England's crackhead cousin.
20:11We check on them now and again and we go,
20:13have you heard what they're doing?
20:15Have you heard what they're doing? So it's not surprising.
20:17Lenny, what are your thoughts?
20:19You called Zelensky a modestly successful comedian.
20:22Yeah.
20:23I mean, the guy was a comic and then he became a world leader.
20:27Most of us are happy to be on Blankety Blank.
20:31Oh, it is good Blankety Blank, though, isn't it?
20:33Blankety Blank is very good.
20:35If my agent is watching, can I please be in the middle seat?
20:39On the bottom row, please.
20:41Zelensky's on BBC News 24 every single day.
20:46He's killed for that kind of exposure.
20:49And what about Elon Musk?
20:51I mean...
20:53Guy can't do a Nazi salute for shit.
20:58When we were kids, we knew how to do a Nazi salute, right?
21:01Elon Musk said at the presidential inauguration,
21:04he could have rehearsed.
21:06That's the best age thing I've ever heard,
21:08when I was a kid, I could do a Nazi salute.
21:10These kids ain't shit, they can't even throw their fist up.
21:13We were all there like this.
21:15All right, now, Oti, there is one story this week
21:18that does totally connect to you.
21:21OK, a study found this week that 20 minutes of dancing every day
21:24could be enough to give you your recommended weekly exercise.
21:27How do you feel about that?
21:28I agree, it's good for the memory.
21:30I mean, my body is sore right now, I'm rehearsing for my tour,
21:33but it's good for everyone and it makes you happy
21:35and it keeps you healthy.
21:36Are you on tour at the moment?
21:38I'm going on tour in June.
21:39Oh, wow, OK. And it's good for your memory?
21:41It's good for your memory,
21:42cos you have to remember choreography and steps.
21:44Yeah, as a dancer myself, I know exactly...
21:46Yeah!
21:47You had a good time dancing, didn't you?
21:49Yeah, I had a lovely time and, you know,
21:51it's just interesting to think, out of me and Oti,
21:53who most recently got a ten off Anton?
21:56LAUGHTER
21:59Wow.
22:00That sounds so wrong!
22:02Yeah!
22:04Well, we thought we'd ask the dancers on the show tonight
22:06to bust out a few moves, and in solidarity with the USA,
22:09we thought we would do a line dance.
22:11Would you like to make your way to the centre stage, please?
22:13Absolutely!
22:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
22:17All right.
22:18I'll just...
22:20So, what's the first move?
22:23OK, so, first thing, we're going to tuck our thumbs inside our...
22:27OK, I'll leave you to it. Fuck it.
22:29LAUGHTER
22:31You guys do it, I'm out. Don't worry.
22:33OK.
22:34You know what, I'm going to stand up and call this,
22:36because it's like a good old-fashioned line dance.
22:38You've got to call it as you do it, all right?
22:40You're dancing with a proper person.
22:42I'm like Bill Bailey now, so that's really...
22:44All right.
22:45I've got the height as well.
22:47I'm, like, towering over you.
22:49You're wearing heels!
22:50I mean, I'm going to pretend this is my legs.
22:52Ready?
22:53All right, hit it.
22:54I feel like when he's just dancing, it looks like he's drowning.
22:56Five, six, seven, eight.
22:58Play some music, take a chance, do a good old US dance.
23:02Dance all night and dance all day, celebrate the USA.
23:07Suddenly, we quite like Putin.
23:09Listen up to JD Vance.
23:11Now do a good old Russian dance.
23:13Oh! Oh!
23:15Lift your feet up, one, two, three, get cosy with the KGB.
23:19Drink some vodka, have no fear, forget that we are next Crimea.
23:23Give a kick, now do a jump.
23:25Now we call him Comrade Trump.
23:27The motherland has flicked a switch.
23:29America is Russia's bitch.
23:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
23:37I love it! I love it!
23:40Thank you, by the way, to our Ukrainian dancers,
23:43because it turns out Cossack dancing actually comes from Ukraine.
23:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
23:53So, just like a bad comedian, Putin did steal Zelensky's pit.
23:57We'll have more last leg for you after the break
23:59as we scrutinise Labor's credentials
24:01and honour some very special contributions at the last leg.
24:03See you in a little bit.
24:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
24:20Welcome back to last leg.
24:22The show that heard Amazon has taken over the James Bond franchise
24:26and is now worried that if 007 can't be reached,
24:28the mission will be left with the neighbour at 009.
24:31Gary said, why is Alex dressed like a lava lamp?
24:35LAUGHTER
24:41Oh, dear.
24:43Is that the same Gary that bullied you at school?
24:46Sometimes I do miss not having a middle finger.
24:50We're joined, of course, by Odi Mibusi,
24:53Jamali Maddox and Sir Lenny Henry.
24:55Quick congratulations to former Paralympian John McFaul,
24:58who was cleared this week to become the first disabled person
25:01in a mission to the International Space Station.
25:04Absolutely.
25:09Bad news for Alex, who did train to be an astronaut on our show
25:12but didn't quite cut the mustard.
25:14He did, however, bring it up afterwards.
25:20Whoa, whoa, fucking hell.
25:22Whoa. Fucking hell.
25:24Fucking hell. Fucking hell.
25:26Fucking hell. Fucking hell.
25:28Fucking hell.
25:31Fucking hell.
25:35I don't think I want to go into space any more.
25:38I also discovered that it's only real spacesuits
25:41you can go to the toilet in.
25:45On to local news now, and while the government this week
25:47hit their target for NHS appointments seven months early,
25:50the UK has seen a very Labor scandal play out,
25:53as both Chancellor Rachel Reeves and Business Secretary John Reynolds
25:56have been accused of lying on their CVs.
25:58I mean, look, it's not going to make a six-part BBC series,
26:01but Reynolds repeatedly described himself as a solicitor,
26:04despite never qualifying.
26:05And let's be honest, lying about being a solicitor
26:07isn't the sexiest thing in the world.
26:09Like, hey, baby, need help with a will?
26:12I can help countersign that in the presence of a more senior official,
26:15if you know what I mean.
26:17Is this OK?
26:19Um, well, I've never lied on my CV.
26:22There are possibly people here...
26:24Anyone on this side ever lied about stuff, CVs?
26:27I've never really had a job.
26:30But I would lie. Lenny?
26:33Everybody lies on their CV, man.
26:35No, we don't. No, we don't.
26:37Keir Starmer never said nothing about being a Tory, did he?
26:44He never said nothing about that.
26:47I lied when I auditioned for Lord Of The Rings.
26:50I told them I could do an Irish accent.
26:53Why wouldn't they let me be a Jamaican Hobbit, for goodness' sake?
26:57Frodo, Bilbo, Gandalf, Bogomodo, we're going to the beach.
27:02Get me a rumpunsterarted.
27:05Are any of the people in Cabinet qualified for a job?
27:08Cos, you know, the Secretary of Defence has never been to war.
27:11Right.
27:12David Lammy is the only guy qualified for Foreign Guy
27:15cos he's been on holiday.
27:17Like, literally, that's the only qualification he's had.
27:20I love that you called it Foreign Guy.
27:22Yeah, Foreign Guy. Foreign Guy.
27:24I forgot the word and I thought, I'll get away with this.
27:27I've got news on someone who lied on their CV
27:29cos we were discussing this this week.
27:31And I thought, do you know who we know applied for a job?
27:34Is when The Last Leg started,
27:36Alex had applied to Channel 4 for a job.
27:38Right.
27:39And so...
27:42So, we got hold of the CV that Alex applied with.
27:46You can see a bit of it here.
27:48But, right, so, we don't need to look at it
27:51because what we're going to do is our three guests
27:53are going to read out three statements from Alex's CV from 2011,
27:58one at a time.
27:59Oh, shit. OK.
28:01Who's first? I am.
28:03OK, so these are genuine statements Alex put on his CV
28:06to get this job.
28:09OK, so Alex said,
28:11I'm able to write shorthand at a top speed of 85 words per minute.
28:18No-one's going to look at me and question shorthand.
28:24Can you write shorthand at 85 words per minute?
28:26I can't write fuck all at 85.
28:29There's a reason that was typed.
28:32That took me three days.
28:34Why do you think that would help with presenting on Channel 4?
28:37I don't know.
28:39The only criteria for the job was, are you disabled?
28:43Are you disabled?
28:47Diversity in action.
28:49Jamali.
28:50Able to speak French proficiently.
28:53Oh!
28:55Yeah. Oui.
28:57Oui.
28:58Yeah.
28:59Now, I've never heard you speak French
29:01and we went to Paris for two weeks.
29:05I've got a surprise for you, more than this.
29:08So, Esther, that works on the show, she is fluent in French.
29:12Can we have a round of applause for Esther?
29:15Come on, Esther.
29:19This is going to be great.
29:20She's going to read you three sentences in French,
29:23they're all from your CV.
29:25You can tell me what they are.
29:26Cool.
29:33I actually don't think you're allowed to say that sort of thing.
29:43It doesn't sound real, does it?
29:45I didn't go to the amputee swim
29:47and I played on a PlayStation instead?
29:50Not far off, I am able to use both Apple Macs and PCs effectively.
29:56And can we have the third one?
30:03Is that...? I've got an A in A-Level Business Studies.
30:06Yes, it is!
30:09Oh, I love it.
30:12Yeah, it does sound French.
30:13Thank you. Round of applause for Esther.
30:17Lenny.
30:19This is... You're going to love this one, Alex.
30:21Keen sportsman, in particular football and swimming.
30:26Now, what really struck me about this, Hilsey,
30:28is what did Alex do in 2019?
30:31He took part in the Channel 4 show Sink or Swim...
30:34Yeah. ..in which you learned to swim.
30:36LAUGHTER
30:40Despite being a keen swimmer in 2011,
30:43let's have a look at...
30:45I know.
30:46..the keen swimmer Alex Brooker in that show.
30:50So, how do you think it went this morning?
30:53Erm, all right.
30:54Yeah? Did you struggle?
30:56Yeah, I can't swim.
30:59It's always a struggle.
31:04Oh, man.
31:07Oh, dear.
31:09Oh, God bless quotas.
31:13Must be so sad to hear this from your own voice, but...
31:15Bullshit!
31:18Look, before we go any further, we need to congratulate Sir Lenny
31:21on being given the freedom of the City of London this year.
31:24CHEERING
31:29Let's all go down a train.
31:32What does that get you? What does that mean?
31:34It was... I took my family to Guildhall,
31:36my sister Bev and my other sister Kay,
31:38and my other sister Sian and Paul.
31:40We had a lovely time, you get a meal, there's a ceremony,
31:42and I get to herd cattle across London Bridge.
31:46Oh!
31:48Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on.
31:50I'm not going to actually do that,
31:51cos black people get stopped when we're driving, right?
31:55The last thing I want to hear is,
31:56Nino, Nino, is this your cow, sir?
32:00I don't want to hear that.
32:01So, it was a lovely day.
32:03And, Oti, you got your UK citizenship today.
32:06Yes!
32:07CHEERING
32:12I can finally say I'm from West London now.
32:15West London, bruv.
32:17Finally!
32:18And you're going to be getting the freedom of the city
32:20in the future, is that right?
32:21Yes, I will.
32:22Soon, later on this year, I can also take a sheep
32:24and just be like, I'm from Africa, guys, allow me.
32:28Why ain't I got one?
32:31I'm the same one getting freedom of the city, bruv.
32:33Where's my freedom of the city?
32:34You did say you didn't have a job.
32:37Fair enough.
32:38Look, since it is our 350th episode tonight,
32:41we thought we'd give out some keys to the last leg.
32:44Keys to the city.
32:45You got them? You're going to get them.
32:47So, we're going to give out keys to the last leg,
32:49and by that, I mean radar keys to the accessible toilets.
32:51We are going to do a mass live presentation
32:53at the end of the show, but right now,
32:55here are some recipients who couldn't be here with us tonight.
33:01Well, this is such a huge honour.
33:05My dog is snoring in celebration
33:08because I've just given her the news
33:10of this incredible award.
33:12Thank you for the great gift of a last leg key.
33:15It's the greatest honour of my career.
33:21This award is something I'll treasure
33:25forever and ever and ever.
33:27Apart from my BAFTA nominations, I'll take it.
33:34I think it beats my Paralympic medals,
33:37which is something that is very, very hard to beat.
33:44I think coming up with the bullshit buzzer for the last leg
33:47is right up there with helping win Labour three elections
33:52and playing football with Diego Maradona,
33:56which I'll never mention.
33:57Out of all the hosts of the last leg,
34:00which is basically me and that Australian bloke,
34:03I get voted the best. I'm humbled.
34:07Every time I go for a poo in a public toilet,
34:16I will think of you.
34:26We'll have more last leg for you after the break
34:28as we check out a drug raid in Peru
34:30and a Eurovision scandal in Estonia.
34:32We'll see you in a little bit.
34:48Welcome back to Last Leg.
34:50The show that hurt Amazon has taken over the James Bond franchise
34:53and is now worried he'll be forced to complete every mission
34:55without a toilet break.
34:57We're joined by Odi Mabuse, Jamali Maddox and Sir Lenny Henry.
35:01In lighter news, a drug squad in Peru this week
35:04raised eyebrows by sending in an officer
35:06dressed as a giant capybara wearing a green turtle backpack.
35:10Here is the confusing footage.
35:26Full name. James O'Neill.
35:48Come on, man.
35:50That's funny.
35:54That is genius.
35:56Brilliant.
35:57I feel sorry for the drug dealer, though, right?
35:59I mean, cos he's off his tits on drugs in his flat.
36:03Mind-altering drugs, OK?
36:05And then a rat jumps in, wearing a backpack, and says,
36:09get on the floor, you nit!
36:12Does anyone do this in this country?
36:14I feel like if I was high and paranoid,
36:16and that's the worst thing is the thing you think,
36:18whatever happened is the thing that exactly happened.
36:21I wonder if they were so high they thought it was a police officer.
36:25You do that in this country, though, right?
36:27Imagine you're dealing in N's, crack, cocaine, whatever,
36:30and then suddenly, bang, and you turn around
36:32and Mr Blobby's there with an AK.
36:35I'd like to see that for the kids.
36:38In world news this week,
36:40the Estonian Eurovision entry offended Italians
36:43by stereotyping them in a song called Espresso Macchiato.
36:47Right, see if you can spot the problem
36:50the Italians had with these lyrics.
36:53Ciao, Bella, I'm Tommaso, addicted to tobacco.
36:56Me like me coffee very importante.
37:00He then goes on to sing, me money numeroso,
37:02I work around the clock-o,
37:04that's why I'm sweating like a mafioso.
37:08That was like how I blagged my French in the Channel 4 interview.
37:11I mean, if they're offended by that,
37:13wait till they see the Dolmio adverts.
37:17I mean, I enjoyed that song, personally.
37:19Did you? Yeah.
37:20You didn't think it was racist?
37:22I mean, a bit, but it was still good.
37:26I'm really sorry, but Italians need to suck it up, right?
37:29That's not racism.
37:30They didn't have to deal with us back in the 1970s.
37:33Oh, I'm going to Barbados.
37:36Planted the palm trees.
37:38And every black person in Britain thought,
37:40oh, great, some black people are number one.
37:42It was two white guys from Bournemouth.
37:44There's a line towards the end of the song
37:46where the rapper says, Tommy Cash is his name,
37:48life is like spaghetti, it's hard until you make it.
37:51Oh.
37:52I think that's quite deep. Yeah.
37:55And I often find it draining.
37:58Lovely. Thank you.
38:00All right, it's time to bring on this week's mystery guest,
38:02someone from the news.
38:03Our guests have to try to identify them.
38:05Can we please have this week's mystery guest?
38:15I've got a hint. Yeah.
38:17Welcome, welcome, welcome.
38:18Josh, Alex, who's the mystery guest?
38:20Look at those arms! Wow!
38:22It's weird, though, cos he's got, like, a body of a viking
38:24but a head of, like, an accountant.
38:29Your daughter's not saying she's got longer arms than those,
38:32is she, Alex?
38:34Sorry, sorry, guys, we'll just enjoy him for a moment.
38:37OK, he has been in the news this week,
38:40but why has he been in the news?
38:41There's three options.
38:42Alex, can we have the lighting change, please?
38:47So, is this Max Hunter,
38:50a stripper who entertained pensioners in a care home in Middlesbrough?
38:55Is this Steve Glimpton,
38:57winner of the Guinness World Record for the highest note ever sung?
39:02Is this Devin Parker,
39:05the beastly bully who stole a one-legged boy's pencil case
39:08at the fair in 1987?
39:12So, any early thoughts?
39:14Yeah, three.
39:16You think it's the... You think it's the third one?
39:18I think it's the bully, man.
39:19All right, we're going to unveil... What was the first one again?
39:22He's a stripper.
39:23He's got to be a stripper.
39:24Oh, I actually remember that!
39:29We're going to unveil the mystery guest after the break.
39:31We'll also end the show by handing out some more keys to the last leg.
39:34Have a look, have a think, we'll see you in a little bit.
39:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:50Welcome back to Last Leg, the show that...
39:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:00This show is so late, this show is so over.
40:04Welcome back to Last Leg, the show that heard Amazon have taken over
40:07the James Bronde franchise and can't wait to open the door
40:10to a new driver by saying,
40:12I've been expecting you.
40:15We're joined by Oji Mibuse, Jamali Maddox and Sir Lenny Henry.
40:18Before the break, we challenged our guests to work out
40:20how this person was connected to the news.
40:22Can we have the options again, please?
40:24Yes, Brooke, would you like to read them out?
40:26So, is Max a care home stripper?
40:28Yeah, boy. A pencil case?
40:33A pencil case, me.
40:35Or the highest note singer?
40:37Are you going to apply to go into a care home?
40:42What do you think, what do you think?
40:44I'm for stripper for the old ladies.
40:46Yeah? Yeah, I think he's...
40:48OK.
40:50Can you please reveal your identity
40:52and how you're connected to the news?
40:59Whoa!
41:01Woo!
41:03So...
41:06Yeah, no, I look...
41:08And you clap like this. You've got to get your money.
41:10Oh, you do this? Yes, yes, yes, yes.
41:12I actually look a bit more toned than that if I was taking my shirt off.
41:15You're not bad, though, mate.
41:17OK, thank you, you look all right.
41:19Just to be clear, he didn't sing the highest note,
41:22this is Max, he was the stripper in the care home.
41:24Yeah, yeah, yeah.
41:27And did you enjoy it?
41:29They enjoyed it more than I did.
41:32I heard two of them had a stroke.
41:35Oh!
41:37That's really good stuff.
41:39How could you not?
41:41That was good.
41:45So... Hand over the keys to the city!
41:49One of them actually looked at me right in my groin area
41:53and she said,
41:55you're on the third leg, aren't you?
41:58Woo!
42:00The last leg, Doris.
42:02Were they like...
42:03Rather than kind of putting notes in your pants,
42:06were they kind of sellotaping money in a card for you?
42:10We've actually got some footage of you at the care home.
42:13I love this guy.
42:15So I used to run entertainment at retirement villages,
42:18so it's an absolute privilege to be back in a care setting again,
42:22putting a smile on the faces of the residents.
42:25I've never seen a reaction like it from an event that we've pulled off,
42:28and we've done many at our student rise.
42:30The tears, I mean...
42:32I just can't believe how well this has been received.
42:35They've loved every minute of it.
42:37He was a nice body, nice athletic,
42:41and everything he does was lovely.
42:44And even he's got everybody smiling, and that's beautiful.
42:48I love you, Bedtime.
42:50I'm just not sure how we're going to top that,
42:52but they've already asked if he's coming back next Thursday,
42:55if anything matters.
42:57Brilliant. Thank you.
43:03Josh has been dictating the news of the week.
43:05What have you got for us?
43:06Oh, God, I didn't think we had time for that.
43:08Would you like to see a clip from Pointless... Yes.
43:11..in which a man absolutely nails an answer about international football?
43:14Yes, please.
43:16What are you going to go for?
43:18These national teams that have appeared multiple times
43:20at the FIFA Men's World Cup.
43:23Erm...
43:25..Children Athletic.
43:32Have we got time for one more?
43:34Would you like to see a clip from Pointless
43:36where a man absolutely nails an answer about international football?
43:39Yes, please.
43:41What are you going to go for?
43:43These national teams that have appeared multiple times
43:45at the FIFA Men's World Cup.
43:48Erm...
43:50..Children Athletic.
43:53How did you laugh more at it the second time?
43:56All right, we are about to celebrate our 350th episode
43:59by handing out some keys at the last league,
44:01but before we do, would you please thank our guests,
44:03Oti Mibuse...
44:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:07..Jamali Maddox...
44:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:11..and Sir Lenny Henry...
44:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:15..and my co-host, Josh Whittacombe...
44:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:19..and Alex Brooker.
44:21That's wonderful. Something else, man.
44:23We'll be back next week with comedian Judy Love
44:25and broadcaster Giles Brandreth,
44:27but right now, let's celebrate 350 episodes at the last league
44:31by honouring some of the people that have made our show great.
44:42I've got the key
44:44We've got the secret
44:46We've got the keys to the, to the last leg
44:49We've got the keys
44:51You've got the secret
44:53You've got the keys to the, to the last leg
44:57All right, the first three people to receive their keys to the last leg
45:00are the man who played Jeremy Corbyn 24 times,
45:03the woman who played Theresa May 11 times,
45:05and the man who played Keir Starmer just for once.
45:08It's Graham, Anne and DJ Starmer.
45:12We've got the keys
45:14We've got the secret
45:16We've got the keys to the, to the last leg
45:19We've got the keys
45:21You've got the secret
45:23You've got the keys to the, to the last leg
45:30Another deserving honoree is the man and our sometimes producer
45:34who played a number of characters on the show.
45:36Yes, you've seen him crop up as a security guard, DJ, credit card,
45:40impotent astronaut, and he won the nation's heart
45:43award for Mary Ryland. He's got four nipples. It's Connor!
45:48We've got the keys
45:50You've got the secret
45:52You've got the keys to the, to the last leg
45:55You've got the keys
45:57You've got the secret
45:59You've got the keys to the, to the last leg
46:04This key goes to somebody really special, someone close to my heart.
46:08He may have been behind the camera, but he definitely caught our focus.
46:12You can smell his aftershave from a mile away. It's Mike, the cameraman!
46:17We've got the keys
46:19You've got the secret
46:21You've got the keys to the, to the last leg
46:24You've got the keys
46:26You've got the secret
46:28You've got the keys to the, to the last leg
46:42And our final keys tonight go to our two favourite singers.
46:46She has sung as Liz Truss, Theresa May, A Chicken and an Asparagus,
46:50and he's played the Twitterbird, A Pig, The Magic Money Tree,
46:53Chapel Crone, A Labour Rose, A Rope Buster, The Policeman from the Village People,
46:57A Shepherd, and the lettuce that lasted longer than Liz Truss,
47:00it's Jess Robinson and Charlie Baker!
47:03We've got the keys
47:05You've got the secret
47:07You've got the keys to the, to the last leg
47:11We've got the keys
47:13You've got the secret
47:15You've got the keys to the, to the last leg
47:19Thanks for watching 350 episodes of The Last Leg.
47:22My name's Adam Hills. We'll see you next week for the next leg.
47:26We've got the keys
47:28You've got the secret
47:30You've got the keys to the, to the last leg
47:34We've got the keys
47:36You've got the secret
47:38We've got the keys to the, to the last leg