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Transcript
00:00That's a shocking start.
00:04Tom!
00:12Yep, that's it.
00:14Where's Tom?
00:22No!
00:24I hate you.
00:27Let me out of here!
00:30Hello and welcome to a brand new series of Taskmaster Australia.
00:44It's a new season and that means everything is bigger and better.
00:47And by everything, I mean my car park and my paycheck.
00:51And as a result, it must be said, everything else has really suffered.
00:56And despite complaints that the chocolate inside tastes a lot like polystyrene,
01:00we've got ourselves another trophy of my dome up for grabs.
01:05The five new faces vying for glory this season,
01:08each coming from different levels of fame and circumstance,
01:12all united by one thing, availability, are Dave Hughes, Emma Holland,
01:21Lisa McHugh, Takashi Wakatsugi and Tommy Little.
01:27And once again, physically by my side, yet hierarchically well beneath me,
01:36it's Lesser Tom Cashman.
01:43Alright, I'd like our first prize task for the season, please.
01:46That's right, our first task is a prize task.
01:48Each of our contestants have brought in a prize
01:50and the winner of the episode will take home all five prizes.
01:53Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in
01:55what they consider to be the most misunderstood thing.
01:58Dave, what do you have for me?
02:00I have the ashes of my...
02:06No, of my dog, Barkley.
02:11So this is where we're back.
02:13Season four, let's kick it off with discussing your dead pet.
02:17Thanks for that, Husey.
02:19Yeah, but he was misunderstood.
02:20See, even though he bit a lot of people, he was a lovely dog.
02:24So you're just saying your dog was misunderstood, essentially.
02:27So you could have just had a beautiful photo of your dog, Barkley.
02:31Yeah, because I'm committed to this show.
02:33And Barkley would love that.
02:34So Barkley will go to the winner of tonight's episode.
02:40OK.
02:42If I win your dog's ashes, I'm smoking them.
02:46Sorry, but I am.
02:49Alright, you're really putting it all on the line there.
02:51What have you got, Emma?
02:52I brought in the Commonwealth Electoral Act No. 17,
02:56from 1948.
02:59It's the part of the Electoral Act that discusses
03:02proportional representation in Senate elections.
03:06I hate to say this, but Husey's pet's ashes
03:09are now seeming less depressing.
03:11If you can look me in the eye and explain Senate preferencing to me,
03:16I'll accept less than five points.
03:18OK, well, I'm not sure I really can describe Senate preferencing.
03:21Yeah, because it's hard to understand.
03:23People don't understand it.
03:24LAUGHTER
03:28So what have you brought in, Lisa?
03:30Maths.
03:31Maths?
03:32I'm just not good at maths.
03:33And I don't really understand it.
03:34126.
03:35That's not right.
03:36It's not right.
03:37LAUGHTER
03:38You proved that Lisa's was good because you misunderstood it.
03:39LAUGHTER
03:40Waka, what did you bring in?
03:41Yes.
03:42I bought a giraffe.
03:43Oh.
03:44LAUGHTER
03:45I think giraffe doesn't have a long neck.
03:46LAUGHTER
03:47It has long shoulder.
03:49LAUGHTER
03:50Like a lower shoulder.
03:51You know what I mean?
03:52No, not really.
03:53Like, one thing that the giraffe's known for is it has a really long neck.
03:57OK, here is shoulder.
03:58Yeah.
03:59How about here?
04:00It feels shoulder to me.
04:01All right.
04:02OK.
04:03It feels shoulder to me.
04:04All right.
04:05OK.
04:06It feels shoulder to me.
04:07All right.
04:08OK.
04:09OK.
04:10OK.
04:11OK.
04:12OK.
04:13OK.
04:14OK.
04:15OK.
04:16OK.
04:17OK.
04:18OK.
04:19OK.
04:20All right.
04:21Here.
04:22That's neck.
04:23Right.
04:24All right.
04:25That's giraffes here.
04:26Oh.
04:27The here is shoulder.
04:28Yep.
04:29If giraffes wear shirts, that part...
04:30LAUGHTER
04:31LAUGHTER
04:32APPLAUSE
04:33Jeremy.
04:34I get that.
04:35APPLAUSE
04:36Yeah.
04:37Most people would say it's got a long neck.
04:39Yeah.
04:40But I think you've made a convincing case for it having a very long shoulder.
04:43Yes.
04:44LAUGHTER
04:45All right.
04:46Tommy.
04:47I have brought in the skull of a red deer.
04:49LAUGHTER
04:50It's misunderstood because people think when they see it at my house that I'm into hunting.
04:55Tommy, someone shot that.
04:56No, mine died of natural cause.
04:58LAUGHTER
04:59LAUGHTER
05:00All right.
05:01So what are you saying is misunderstood about your object?
05:04Because it's not a good look.
05:06And I feel that's misunderstood.
05:08LAUGHTER
05:09I feel like you misunderstood the assignment.
05:11LAUGHTER
05:12I just love the idea because if Hughes wins this...
05:15Yeah.
05:16..he's got to go home and take this with him...
05:18LAUGHTER
05:19..and then convince people that he's a vegetarian.
05:21LAUGHTER
05:22LAUGHTER
05:23But I'm not a vegetarian.
05:24I'm a vegan.
05:25Yeah!
05:26He says that.
05:27Have you seen the skull on the wall?
05:29LAUGHTER
05:30And the dead dog in the jar?
05:32LAUGHTER
05:33LAUGHTER
05:34All right, I should give out some scores, shouldn't I?
05:36I think so.
05:37Well, Tommy Little gets one.
05:38OK.
05:39I'm going to give two points to Lisa because I understand maths.
05:42Mm-hm.
05:43I'm giving three points to Hughesy.
05:44I respect your dog at the same time.
05:45Yeah.
05:46It's very depressing and I'm trying to create light entertainment here.
05:49LAUGHTER
05:50Can we smile because he happened?
05:52LAUGHTER
05:53LAUGHTER
05:55LAUGHTER
05:56I'm giving four points to Emma.
05:58I think we all have no idea what's going on
06:00when it comes to that section of the Constitution.
06:02OK.
06:03I'm going to give five points to Waka because he made a good point.
06:06I think we've been misunderstanding the giraffe all this time.
06:08LAUGHTER
06:13OK, Boy Wonder, time to earn your keep.
06:15I want a task.
06:16I can do that.
06:17And first up, it's time for our contestants to win at losing.
06:20OK.
06:37Where's Tom?
06:40Where's Tom?
06:43Tom?
06:45This is not Tom.
06:46Lose the van keys.
06:49You cannot leave the van.
06:54The keys that remain lost for longest wins.
06:57Tom will arrive to search for the keys in four minutes.
06:59Your time starts now.
07:02I'll just eat it.
07:04Obviously, I eat it.
07:06Can I just put it up me?
07:09Can I just put it up my arse?
07:11So it's the very first task for the season and there's no lesser Tom in it.
07:21I like this format.
07:23Do you think maybe we should do it like this from now on?
07:25Just you not being there?
07:26I feel like it's already an improvement.
07:29I disagree.
07:30And also, we've already filmed it.
07:33All right.
07:36Now, what a way to kick off the season too.
07:38Tommy Little straight away, he's discussing putting things up his arse.
07:42I wish I could also say that that was a once off, but that becomes a really common theme, Tom.
07:49But that's your comedy.
07:50That's what you do.
07:51And that's why people love you.
07:52Because you just look at what everyone else has already thought and then you just say it out loud.
07:56But is that where you would look first?
07:58Because I've seen your act?
07:59Yes, because I've seen your act.
08:01I'd think, what would Tommy Little think?
08:02I'd think he wants to keep it basic.
08:03He would think of putting them straight up his arse and I'd just be up your arse in no time.
08:06And I'd be like, here they are.
08:09Your comedy is predictable and so is the location of these keys.
08:16So, just to be clear, losing the keys.
08:18That's right.
08:19And you can't leave the van.
08:21I'm going to arrive in four minutes and I'm going to look for the keys.
08:23Longest before I find the keys wins.
08:26All right.
08:27Who are we going to see lose their keys first?
08:28One jiggles her key before it works.
08:30The other laughs when he sees keys being jangled.
08:32It's Lisa and Tommy.
08:33I just want you to know, it's not, it is going down my pants?
08:37Absolutely.
08:38But it is not going up my arse.
08:42It's accidentally gone up me.
08:44It hasn't gone up me.
08:46Oh, .
08:49Oh my gosh.
08:50I have got a couple of places that I want to put this.
08:52It's not up my arse.
08:53It's not up.
08:55It's on my gooch.
08:56Grow up.
09:04Lisa, please step out of the car.
09:06I said I wasn't allowed to.
09:07Now you made it.
09:08Your time is up.
09:09Okay.
09:10And where's the key?
09:11That's a trick question.
09:12Don't you have to find it?
09:13Where are the keys?
09:14Isn't that the point that you have to find them?
09:15Yeah.
09:16Do you want to give me a hint?
09:17Why would it be in the front end of the car?
09:18It'd be in the back end.
09:19Not in the back end.
09:20It'd be near the back end.
09:22It's near it.
09:23Where are they then?
09:24Are you in a real hurry?
09:25Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:26Why is that?
09:27So if you could just tell me where they are, that'd be.
09:29Do I really need to tell you?
09:30Or do you have to find them?
09:32Do you want another hint?
09:33Yep.
09:34I'm quite ashamed.
09:35What have you done?
09:36Is it in your undies?
09:38Why would you guess that?
09:43That's something that would bring you shame.
09:44Oh my God.
09:45Now I feel like I actually should tell you where they are.
09:47Yeah, maybe just a hint, just so I can find them.
09:49What do you need them for?
09:50Oh, just to start the van and use the van.
09:53For the next task?
09:54Yeah, exactly.
09:55Stuff like that.
09:56It's in your undies, isn't it?
09:57What makes you say that?
09:58Because when I ask you the direct question, you avert eye contact and giggle and refuse
10:03to promise that it's not in your undies.
10:05Do you think I would put it in my undies?
10:06Yeah.
10:07Do you really want me to give them to you?
10:08Really important stuff.
10:09Do you want me to give them to you?
10:10Yeah, yeah.
10:11Seriously?
10:12Am I going to blow it?
10:13Oh, okay, I'll give them to you.
10:14Really?
10:15Oh, thank you.
10:18Was that a fail?
10:21Thanks, Lisa.
10:22Goodbye.
10:23How would you like to proceed?
10:24Could you just turn away and maybe I'll make the keys appear?
10:26Okay.
10:27And we can pretend they weren't in my undies.
10:29That sounds good to me.
10:33Oh, yeah, I found them.
10:34Oh, you found them.
10:35Oh, bro.
10:36What I like is, Lisa McCune came in and you asked for the keys and she just said, here
10:47they are.
10:48So your reputation as Australia's sweetheart is intact.
10:53Is that what you worried about your image?
10:54No, I was hoping he'd put his hand down my top to get it.
10:57I was hoping he was going to say, get it off the cube, start taking the peel off the layers.
11:01That's the first time anyone has ever said that to Tom.
11:04Okay, so I just feel like you just politely asked for it, you just gave it up.
11:11Well, because he kind of was yelling at me like he wanted them back and I felt like he
11:14needed them for something so I thought I'll give it to him.
11:16That was not yelling.
11:18Really?
11:19We're all thinking the same thing though, aren't we?
11:21They're both disqualified because they left the van and the keys left the van with them.
11:25So it's over for both of them.
11:27It's over for both of them.
11:29No, no.
11:30So you couldn't leave the van for the first four minutes while you were hiding the keys.
11:33After that, the search began and I asked them to leave the vehicle.
11:35Alright, so, alright.
11:36Don't set the tone for being a snitchy little bitch from F1.
11:44Look at Hughes, he's straight away day one.
11:47He's playing tennis and he's walking straight up to the umpire to have a chat.
11:54So Tommy, you were pretty vocal about making it clear that the keys weren't up your arse.
11:59But then you were making all kinds of noises like they were up your arse.
12:02Yeah.
12:03What was that about?
12:04Yeah, I don't know if you've ever had keys right near your arse and then you've moved around a lot on a seat.
12:08But, um, the wrong movement can end up with when they weren't up your arse being up your arse pretty quick.
12:16You know what I enjoy?
12:17You knew that they'd been, like, pretty much rested against his ball bag and you're like, no worries buddy.
12:22What's that about?
12:23A job's a job.
12:25So what times are we looking at so far?
12:27Well, using my skills of deduction and personality profiling, I found Tommy's keys in 4 minutes and 34 seconds.
12:34Using my skills of asking for the keys, I found Lisa's in 1 minute and 26 seconds.
12:38Alright, we need a break. Just enough time to hide some keys down your trousers and get your significant other to reach in and fish them out again.
12:48Back soon.
12:49Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia. It's a new season and our first episode, or ep as they like to call it in the biz.
13:09Yes, and we've already lost the van keys. Thankfully, they were lost by people very happy to tell me where they were.
13:14Up next, they already amused me, but can they elude me? It's Waka and Emma.
13:20Alright, so I'm gonna hide the key and Tom gonna look for...
13:26What?
13:27This is the van key and there's so many fake ones here.
13:35I could just chuck them, hey.
13:41I just don't trust my arm.
13:45F***!
13:47No!
13:48No!
13:54Alright.
13:56Oh God, what the hell? Where did she come from?
14:01Where's the key?
14:02I don't know.
14:03Where's the key? In the van.
14:04In the van?
14:05In the van.
14:06Does that mean it's not in the van?
14:07Did you throw it out of the car?
14:08No.
14:09No, it's not doing tasks. I love it. I love watching someone doing tasks.
14:24I don't know why I feel bad now.
14:32You've left quite a few decoys.
14:35Don't get grumpy.
14:36It's nice to see you a bit distressed, I'm gonna be honest.
14:38Are you actually, I can't tell, are you trying to look?
14:40Am I trying to look?
14:41Are you like genuinely trying to look?
14:42Yes, I'm genuinely trying to look.
14:44Okay.
14:45When the last time you lost something?
14:47I'm usually pretty good at not losing things.
14:49Yeah, that's why you're not good at looking for...
14:52If it helps build my case, I think at this point I don't know where the key is.
14:57But why has that point changed?
14:58You're overthinking things. You gotta relax, man.
15:01You just said a very confusing thing.
15:03You say confusing things all the time.
15:04You can't say confusing things and then get mad at me for being confused.
15:07All the information you need is in the task.
15:11Did you find it?
15:12Yeah.
15:13Ready? I found it.
15:14I don't think so.
15:15The fact you might have believed me means it's near here.
15:18I love this task.
15:21Can you just tell me where it is?
15:23I reckon I'm gonna go back to the house.
15:25You're done.
15:26Yeah, I think I'm done.
15:27Oh, shit.
15:28Is it in here?
15:35You still looking?
15:36Yeah.
15:37Yeah.
15:38Any last hint?
15:39What?
15:40Please give me a hint.
15:41No.
15:48So, Waku, you found a pretty good hiding spot there.
16:01Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:02And I feel so bad.
16:04The longer it takes time, the more my heart hurts.
16:08My heart hurts.
16:09That's weird, because watching it, I felt the exact opposite.
16:13The longer he took to find it, the more I was just really relaxing and enjoying myself.
16:17Alright.
16:18Emma, we got to see you go from loser to hero very quickly.
16:21Did you see the first time I tried to kick it and missed it?
16:24Yeah.
16:25What I liked was the crossed arms nonchalance of it all.
16:28I started to get really cocky.
16:30Like, it wasn't good for me.
16:31It wasn't healthy.
16:32Oh, we saw it.
16:33Yeah.
16:34The power went to your head very quickly.
16:36Yeah.
16:37And it remains.
16:38How are we gonna judge this then?
16:40The time for Waka will be pretty clear.
16:42Waka lost the keys for 10 minutes and 38 seconds, more than doubling Tommy's arse-based efforts.
16:51But then, Emma, well, you only just now found out where it was.
16:55I still don't have the keys.
16:56So, for the whole time that Emma was in the house doing other tasks, you were still looking for those keys?
17:02I went multiple times a day back to the van to look in the van for the keys.
17:07There is nothing I love more in this world than wasting a man's time.
17:11Well, what time are we looking at?
17:16Emma lost the keys at 10, 11 a.m. on the 26th of June, 2024.
17:21That was 82 days, 6 hours and 33 minutes ago.
17:26Absolutely brilliant.
17:29Okay.
17:30Who's left?
17:31Well, Husey is known for losing it, but can it be car keys?
17:34It's Dave Hughes.
17:35All right.
17:37I need to lose these keys.
17:38I can't leave the van.
17:39Can I move the van?
17:42I can move the van.
17:44All right.
17:46I've not driven manual for quite a while.
17:50I have no longer.
17:53Tommy, I'm not getting out of the van, man.
17:56A man with a plan and a van.
17:59This time the plan involves the van living.
18:03Here we go.
18:05We're out here.
18:07Sorry, Tommy.
18:08We're gone.
18:25So, Husey, you found a bit of a hack there.
18:27I know.
18:28I think my season just peaked.
18:29But that was wonderful, honestly.
18:32I felt like...
18:33I almost drove home.
18:35For some of our younger viewers,
18:36I think putting keys up your arse would be easier
18:38than driving a manual.
18:41I can't believe no-one else thought of that, though.
18:44I was the same with the arse thing.
18:48Did you get the keys back?
18:50He brought the van back at the end of his shooting days
18:52and gave me the keys then.
18:53So, the whole time he was in the Taskmaster retreat,
18:56there was no van?
18:57Yep.
18:59When Emma did her throw,
19:00I just leaned over and said,
19:01that's pathetic.
19:04I didn't know what was coming up.
19:06So, God, I can't...
19:07If I haven't won this challenge,
19:08I'm really going to be sad.
19:11Well, you didn't.
19:12Ah!
19:16That's pathetic.
19:22I was without Dave's keys for four days,
19:24two hours and 48 minutes.
19:27I shouldn't have driven it back,
19:28I should have sold them by day.
19:31So, that means Lisa's giving up strategy
19:32gets her one point,
19:33Tommy gets two,
19:34Waka three,
19:35Dave four,
19:36but Emma takes the task with five points.
19:37I want to give you some episode scores.
19:42With three points each,
19:43we've got Lisa and Tommy trailing the pack,
19:45but out in front,
19:46it's Emma Holland on nine points.
19:50OK, what's next?
19:52This one goes out to all the Phil's and Angie's out there.
19:54It's about phalanges.
20:08Tommy!
20:09Ah!
20:13Hand.
20:14Well, most of one.
20:19This is very relevant to this task.
20:23Choose a finger and create an ad for it.
20:26Your finger must be chosen
20:27from one of the remaining fingers on this hand.
20:31For the purposes of this task,
20:33the thumb is a finger.
20:34Add that proves your chosen finger is the best finger wins.
20:37You hold 45 minutes.
20:39Your time starts now.
20:41Do you have a favourite finger?
20:42I mean, they're all quite handy.
20:44I just want to do the middle one,
20:45but the only reason I don't want to do it
20:46is because everybody thinks I'll do the middle one.
20:49And they're right.
20:51I'm going to go with the thumb.
20:53I'm going to choose the pinky finger.
20:54I think I'm going to go the pointer.
20:56It's the ring finger.
20:58Why have you all left the best to last?
21:01We might have to cast a finger.
21:03The pinky finger is the weakest finger,
21:05but very important.
21:07Make a promise.
21:09Now, look at this finger.
21:10This is a lovely, lean, long finger.
21:13This finger is the only one
21:14that can cause the death of Roman gladiators.
21:16A little bit of a come here tiger one again.
21:19Nice.
21:20I love an infomercial.
21:21I love a call to action.
21:23Ring for the ring finger.
21:24That's good. I need a telephone.
21:26Might just get another male one if we could.
21:28Jesus.
21:34So, someone got the choice of all five,
21:36and then someone had the choice of four.
21:37Three, two, one.
21:39Until we got to Husey.
21:40You had no choice, did you?
21:41I had no choice, which is often better.
21:43When you say often better,
21:44have you been in a situation like this before?
21:46In life, no choice, then you just got to do it.
21:50So, yeah.
21:51Choices are complicated because they involve choosing.
21:56Okay, I suppose we just need to see some finger ads then.
21:59Who's first?
22:00First up, pulling the trigger on the trigger finger,
22:02it's Lisa McCune.
22:03Point the way you make my day.
22:07Cause baby, you're my number one.
22:10Hi, I'm Lisa McCune,
22:11and we are here to celebrate digital health
22:15and to highlight just how important your pointer finger really is.
22:22So, just think for a moment about the many ways you use your pointer finger every day.
22:28How much easier is it to use your pointer finger when operating your touch screen?
22:33Hitchhiking when the car breaks down.
22:36Beckoning that special someone.
22:38Showing someone the way.
22:40Diving deep to clear that pesky earwax or crusted over nasal mucus.
22:45It really is the easiest way to scratch your head or even your ass.
22:51Cause baby, you're my number one.
22:55Spoken by Elle McCune for Digital Health Australia Canberra.
22:58So Lisa, you would have done a lot of ads across your career, I'm guessing.
23:05So, what's the secret and why didn't you use it here?
23:08I think it's in five.
23:10I actually thought that my belief in the pointer finger was really strong.
23:13I think I made a really good point there.
23:15I'm happy with the way that it came up.
23:17Bit concerned about a few details.
23:19How do you hitchhike?
23:22Is that, that's for like if you need to be picked up and that's for a cab?
23:26Well see, you've been in showbiz so long that when everyone else was backpacking, you were probably saying to your chauffeur over here.
23:36So you probably haven't hitchhiked.
23:37How did she get a finger model though?
23:40You weren't like, you weren't.
23:41I audition, I ask.
23:42So you forced someone else to put their finger up their ass, didn't you?
23:44Yeah.
23:45To be fair to Lisa, that particular member of the crew volunteered.
23:48All right, ad break time.
23:51I'm going to spend it peer pressuring some of the younger cast to pull my finger because it's just good fun.
23:55Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster.
24:10It's our season premiere where we're taking ad breaks from ad breaks.
24:14That's right, our contestants are making ads for fingers.
24:17So far we've seen Lisa's and it was a bit gross.
24:20Next up, let's hope her thumb ad is more agreeable than opposable.
24:23It's Emma Holland.
24:24Are you a Colosseum spectator tired of not being able to convey to your local Roman senator whether you want a gladiator to live or die?
24:33Are you a Roman senator who is tired of not being able to understand the gestures of your citizens?
24:38If only there was a finger that was bold, opposable and easy to comprehend.
24:43Introducing the thumb.
24:45With its very own ligament, the thumb is able to be used to communicate all kinds of desires for your favourite gladiator's fate.
24:52The thumb can go up for live, down for die, or sideways for centrism, the correct political view.
24:58Don't be a Russell Crowe, be a Russell No.
25:01The thumb. Additional movements sold separately.
25:08I thought that was great. Short to the point.
25:10Great, we can move on.
25:11Maybe because you're one of the younger cast members, you're good at making short, shareable content for online.
25:17I don't think I'd share that.
25:19Alright, so I thought it was very good, but unfortunately in Roman times I think thumbs down meant thumbs up and thumbs up meant thumbs down.
25:28I think a lot of people believe that, yes.
25:29Oh, I wasn't alive then, I wouldn't know.
25:31Alright, who's giving us a good fingering next then?
25:35It's Pinky and the Brain, in that he used his brain to make an ad for a pinky, it's Takashi Wakasugi.
25:41It's Takashi Wakasugi.
25:42I'm a pinky finger. I'm the weakest and the most useless finger. I cannot help people.
25:51What? Tom! Help! Tom!
25:54Tom!
25:56Tom!
25:58I cannot be cool.
26:06No!
26:08I'm always dirty.
26:10I always get hurt.
26:14You're a cute dog. What's your name?
26:21But I can make promise.
26:25Promise is very important.
26:28Let's make more promise.
26:30It's quite a journey, Wakas, that you took us on.
26:41So do you think it's cool to shoot endangered wildlife, just to be clear?
26:45I think so.
26:50Were you aiming the gun at the shoulder?
26:54Shoulder, yes.
26:55Not neck.
26:56Alright, and also, one thing I did really respect that you did in your ad, which I quite enjoyed, was you picked your nose and then straight after that put it in the dog's mouth.
27:06I think we all enjoyed that.
27:08I'm now trying to think which scene we shot first.
27:12I like to think one led straight into the other.
27:15Alright, who's next?
27:17He chose the ring finger, but it's my time to propose that we watch Dave Hughes. It's Dave Hughes.
27:21Hi viewers, have I got a bargain for you.
27:25The ring finger.
27:27I have one left.
27:29Phones are here and they are ready.
27:32Are you sick of rolling the dice?
27:34You are!
27:36Ring now!
27:38See the shaka?
27:39You know why these fingers are down?
27:41Because they're being protected.
27:43It's the last one.
27:44Do you know what they say?
27:46They save the best to last.
27:47Are you drunk?
27:48Get on the phone!
27:50And we will dial up the savings!
27:53We are running out of time!
27:55Now!
27:56Got a ring now!
27:57It'll be gone.
27:58Before you know it's gone.
27:59Are our phones working?
28:01Have you paid the bill?
28:03Ring!
28:04For the ring finger!
28:07Hello.
28:09Yeah, you can have it.
28:11Sold it!
28:12Gone!
28:13You were too late.
28:14Sorry.
28:18But so you're advertising the ring finger and then at the very end you picked up the phone and you said, yeah, you can have it and you sold it.
28:23So then why would anyone ring at all?
28:26Uh...
28:28Yeah, I don't know.
28:30Now, you know what I've understood here just so far in this show that, yeah, it's a stiff competition.
28:37Some of these guys have got really good ideas.
28:39And I...
28:42I'm feeling under pressure.
28:45You know something else I noticed?
28:46I mean, I think it was a very effective ad.
28:49But you spent the whole time trying to sell a ring finger by pointing.
28:51Yeah.
28:52I think you were helping out Lisa.
28:53Yeah, look, I didn't know that Lisa was going for the pointer finger but I'm happy that she gets a leg up because she needs it.
28:58Uh...
29:00You don't need to be mean.
29:01No, I was...
29:03Here he is, Captain Snitchy Poo, yeah?
29:06I mean, you were pointing so off and I thought you were hitchhiking.
29:10Yeah.
29:12Dave used his index finger 17 times.
29:18Alright, ad time.
29:19Take us to the break, Salesman Husey.
29:22Ring there!
29:23Hello, welcome back.
29:40Why has everyone in the audience been locking pinkies, giving the thumbs up and asking if Husey's alright?
29:45Because we've been doing a task about fingers and Husey doesn't seem alright.
29:49Last to compete with his predictable choice of the rude finger, it's Tommy Little.
29:53G'day.
29:54My name's Malcolm.
29:55Ten years ago, my discus got stuck in the lawnmower.
29:59And I reached in with both me middle fingers to get it out.
30:03And now, I ain't got none.
30:06And you might think, has that affected your life?
30:09Yeah.
30:10Yeah, it has.
30:11The other day I was driving in traffic and a bloke cut me off.
30:14And I said, watch where you going!
30:17And he just thought I was enthusiastically suggesting he turn right.
30:20The other night I was with my Mrs. Karen.
30:23We were lying in bed.
30:24We'd been together for 20 years.
30:26And she dutch ovened me.
30:28And I said, oh, you cheeky little thing.
30:32It was almost completely lost on her.
30:35I was at the sport watching my favourite football team.
30:40And the ref made a horrible decision.
30:43And I said, you white maggot!
30:46He thought I was being encouraged.
30:49It's one of the most common ways to lose your fingers in the lawnmower.
30:52The next time your disc is just stuck, just leave it, yeah?
30:57Or otherwise, you'll be stuck with no middles.
31:00Like me.
31:01I'll be honest, Tom, I didn't remember doing that.
31:19And I thought maybe that was just because I drank too much.
31:22But no, I blocked that out of my memory.
31:25And I have no idea where that accent came from.
31:28Where were you from?
31:32I don't know.
31:34So you reached in under a lawnmower.
31:37To get a discus, Tom, what don't you understand?
31:40Did you mean a disc?
31:42Because under a lawnmower there's a disc that has blades on it?
31:45Again, I'm not sure of the initial concept of the idea,
31:47but it appears like I'm talking for one UFO in the Olympics.
31:51Under a lawnmower, that would have been one of those spiral things.
31:53And it would have made sense.
31:54Don't tell me what my skit was.
31:59Actually, if you can tell me what my skit was.
32:06I think I have to give away some scores.
32:08Yeah.
32:09And giving away the least amount of scores is pretty easy.
32:12So, Tommy's on one.
32:13OK.
32:15Well...
32:16Don't worry, I'm not happy about it either.
32:19And Hughsy gets two.
32:20Yeah, happy with that.
32:21Then I'm going to give three points to Waka.
32:25It was a beautiful story.
32:27I'm going to give four points to Lisa McCune,
32:28because I'll buy anything that she's selling,
32:30because she's just so lovable.
32:32And five points to Emma, because it was a...
32:34I mean, it was just a really good ad.
32:36I love that.
32:41All right, shall we wait into one more?
32:42I think we shall.
32:43We're off to the dock for this one,
32:45for our first team task of the season.
33:02Hiya.
33:03Hello, Thomas.
33:04How are you?
33:05I'm OK.
33:06How are you?
33:07I'm great.
33:08I like yours.
33:09Am I going to get wet?
33:10I think there's a non-zero chance that you get wet.
33:15Oh, hey!
33:17Is that Tommy?
33:18Em, is that you?
33:19Yeah.
33:20Hi.
33:21Hello.
33:22How are you?
33:23What are you doing?
33:24Just hanging out with Tom, making good conversation.
33:26That sounds like a lie.
33:28Oh, my God.
33:30Dave!
33:31Make one of your red things touch one of your...
33:33Dave!
33:34That's Dave Hughes.
33:35Hello!
33:36Dave Hughes!
33:37Oh, Lisa!
33:39How are you?
33:40My God!
33:41How are you?
33:42I'm great.
33:43What are you doing over there?
33:45It's hard for your words to get through the rain.
33:49Yep.
33:50Hello.
33:51This is what...
33:52I haven't seen you for a little while.
33:53It is exactly like that.
33:54I have no idea what he's saying.
33:56Oh, my God.
33:57It's Walker.
33:58Hey, Walker.
34:00Hey, Walker.
34:01Emma.
34:02Tommy.
34:03Hey, brother.
34:04How are you?
34:05I'm good, how are you?
34:06That's pretty good.
34:07Why'd they have to put me with Tom?
34:08Yeah, I don't know.
34:09I feel like he requested it.
34:11Do I read this out now?
34:12I think he's plowing on with the task without you.
34:14Yeah.
34:15It's a task.
34:16Make one of your red things touch one of your teammates' green things.
34:19Make one of your red things.
34:20Make one of your red things.
34:21One of your green things.
34:22One of your yellow things.
34:24Touch one of your teammates' green or yellow things.
34:28You must remain within your designated zones.
34:31Also, every 30 seconds.
34:33You must wave to your teammates and introduce yourself again.
34:36Fastest wins.
34:38You have 45 minutes.
34:40Your time starts now.
34:41Let's do it.
34:42Now, just to be clear, did both teams have to introduce themselves every 30 seconds?
34:53No.
34:54Only the team of three.
34:55Right.
34:56And that was just because there's three of them, they got an advantage and we needed something
34:59just to even up the...
35:01And it's funny.
35:02Okay.
35:03Make your green thing, touch your red thing or your yellow thing.
35:07Sounds like a Wiggles after-party.
35:08Who are we seeing first?
35:11Call them romance novels because they need to be touching quickly.
35:14It's Wakka, Emma and Tommy.
35:16Hey, Wakka.
35:17Yes.
35:18It's me, Tommy.
35:19Hey there, good day down.
35:20Hi, Tommy.
35:21I'm Emma.
35:22Hi, Wakka.
35:23I'm Wakka, Tommy, Emma.
35:24Hi, Em.
35:25By any chance, have you got frisbees?
35:26Yep.
35:27Do you want to go three-way in the middle?
35:29I can't tell you how bad at throwing I am.
35:31You ready?
35:32Yep.
35:33I'm Tommy, by the way.
35:34I'm Emma.
35:35Nice to meet you.
35:36Emma, okay.
35:37Let's do it.
35:38One, two, three, frisbees.
35:41Oh my gosh, you guys are shit.
35:44I told you as soon as we started that I couldn't throw.
35:48I'm Tommy, by the way.
35:49I'm Emma, nice to meet you.
35:50I'm Emma.
35:51I'm Tommy.
35:52I'm Wakka, sorry.
35:53I'm Wakka.
35:54Hi, Tommy.
35:55Wakka, what are you thinking?
35:56Can you please throw something big?
35:59I've played baseball before, so I think I can hit.
36:02Oh!
36:03Oh, that's all right.
36:05Wakka, what do you reckon?
36:06My guy.
36:07Let's finish task.
36:08Come on, Wakka.
36:09Thank you, Tommy.
36:10Emma, my name is Wakka.
36:12Ah, shit!
36:14I reckon we use the duct tape to tape them like this,
36:18and then we can just, like, push them across the top of the lake.
36:22Emma?
36:23Yeah.
36:24I'm Tommy.
36:25Oh, I'm Emma.
36:26I hadn't introduced myself yet.
36:27I'm Emma.
36:28I'm not Emma, sorry.
36:29Do you want to noodle it out and I'll see if I can fish?
36:32Yeah.
36:33Oh, .
36:36That's close to me, though.
36:37That was a great idea, Tom.
36:39I'm going to have to do more.
36:40Great, Wakka.
36:41You just keep throwing shit, bro.
36:43Ah!
36:44Oh, no.
36:45I reckon I'm going to get it.
36:47Oi, fellas.
36:49I reckon I might touch the ball.
36:51Oh, Em!
36:52Em!
36:53Em!
36:54Come on.
36:55Yeah, I think that's tough.
36:56Yeah.
36:57I'm Emma, by the way.
37:01I'm Tommy.
37:02Nice to meet you guys.
37:03How do you feel?
37:05Uh, like, closer together but also very far apart.
37:09So, Tommy, despite Emma introducing herself as Emma over and over and over again,
37:18you kept calling her Em.
37:19What's that about?
37:20Oh, when you're friendly with someone, you won't be familiar with this.
37:25Um...
37:26Sometimes you shorten their name a little bit.
37:28But Emma had just introduced herself.
37:30Is it...you were getting friendly very quickly?
37:32No, I...I was into it.
37:35Now, Wakka, was it wise to try to kick a soccer ball with a gum boot on?
37:42Yep.
37:43That was also very sleepy.
37:45Do you remember?
37:46That was after the rain.
37:47So, it's a...I try, but...
37:48Can I just say, Wakka just complained about the conditions being wet.
37:52Did you see what we had to deal with, Wakka?
37:55Come on.
37:56Come on.
37:57He used his walk straight back up to the umpire's chair.
37:59It was wetter at my end of the court!
38:02Look how wet it is up here!
38:04Alright, no team names coming to me just yet.
38:07I don't know.
38:08I enjoyed that, but I didn't...nothing really stuck out at me.
38:11Do you want to know how long they took?
38:13Not really.
38:14Oh.
38:15I think we should, for the conceit of the show.
38:17Okay.
38:18So, Tommy and Emma worked together as team-mates,
38:19while Wakka kept thinking he was one of his team-mates,
38:22for nine minutes and 40 seconds.
38:25Alright, so we're one part closer to finding out
38:32who's getting to take an Uber home
38:34with Hughesy's dead dog rattling around on their knee.
38:37Back soon!
38:51Hello!
38:52Welcome back!
38:53We're in the middle of our first team task,
38:55and there's exercise balls, there's noodles,
38:57and all sorts of bonkers fun.
38:59Because we're crazy like that.
39:01That's right.
39:02Our teams are at the dock,
39:03trying to get some of those things to touch.
39:04So far, we've seen a team of Tommy, Wakka and Emma.
39:07Next up, they may be older, but can they get gold-er?
39:10It's Lisa and Dave.
39:12Kate, Dave?
39:13Yeah?
39:14Dread the rope through the noodle.
39:15I was thinking we could just throw both balls in the water
39:18and hope they meet.
39:20Do you want to try that first?
39:22This is to win the World Cup for Australia.
39:24Yep.
39:25The Matildas...
39:26Let's go!
39:27Just channel Sam Kerr or Mary Fowler...
39:28I'm Sam Kerr!
39:30Kick it!
39:31Yeah!
39:33That was pretty good, and that is coming this way.
39:36Do you want this one too?
39:38Alright.
39:39Go on two.
39:40They're going away.
39:41I need to kick it now, I think.
39:43My God!
39:45Now where do I kick?
39:47You've given me too many options.
39:49Shit!
39:50It's too lump...
39:51What am I doing?
39:52Where am I kicking?
39:53You didn't, Dave?
39:54I'm going to go...
39:55What a kick!
39:56Oh God!
39:57I'm just going to kick it!
39:58One, two...
39:59Ah!
40:00Ah!
40:04Oh my God!
40:05I saved it.
40:06Come on, Dave.
40:07Go!
40:09Oh my God.
40:10That was such a shit kick.
40:12Oh my God.
40:14I'm not thinking straight.
40:17I'm having a shocker.
40:18Do you have anything else to throw?
40:20No, I've thrown everything.
40:21But I'm going to make one gigantic long noodle.
40:24Dave, this is going to work.
40:25I can feel it.
40:26It's just time consuming.
40:28So you need to throw your boy out.
40:30Are you going to attach the boy to the front of it?
40:32Don't throw me out.
40:33I don't...
40:35What is this?
40:36Is there a drone?
40:37And then, I'm just going to do it while he's not looking.
40:40Shit.
40:41I feel like I've got a controller here for something.
40:44I'm giving you options, Dave!
40:49But if I've got a drone...
40:51Oh my God.
40:52It's not moving.
40:53Okay, Dave.
40:54Start chucking shit at it.
40:55Go!
40:56Come on.
40:57Come on!
40:58Come on!
40:59Come on!
41:00Get it over there, Lisa!
41:04Get that noodle to it!
41:06You can do this!
41:07Do it!
41:08Oh my God!
41:09You go, girl!
41:11Start...
41:12Come on, you good thing!
41:13Hey, kick your soccer ball.
41:15I'm going to run up.
41:16Go, Dave.
41:17Australia up 1-0.
41:18There's a minute to go.
41:19I'm the goalkeeper.
41:20I've got to get the ball out of our area.
41:23Back to the other edge.
41:25Okay.
41:26Come on!
41:27Yes!
41:28We did it!
41:29Dave Hughes, you're a legend.
41:30We did it!
41:31You did it!
41:32It's the A-Team!
41:33The A-Team!
41:34Don't get too cocky.
41:35You get that in your face, you other teams.
41:36Or one other team.
41:37He's getting cocky.
41:38Losers!
41:39Yeah!
41:40Yeah!
41:41I think he's getting overexcited.
41:42We did it!
41:43Oh my God!
41:44So you'd like to be called the A-Team?
41:57I just thought we did a great job.
42:00My first kick was terrible as we all laughed at it.
42:03What about my second kick?
42:04It was incredible.
42:05It was a winning kick.
42:06It was a winning kick.
42:07It was a great kick, but also it was a timed task.
42:09So how long it took was important.
42:11You decided to commentate on your kick.
42:13So you stood back there and it was a great kick.
42:15But it would have been even better without the yap-yap.
42:18Yeah, but for me time stood still.
42:20And it was just wonderful.
42:22It was so wet.
42:23And was that a remote control boat?
42:25Can't believe it.
42:26Yeah, so what happened was you found the remote control
42:29to a remote control boat that Lisa just f***ed off into the water.
42:33Did we have that as well?
42:35Did we have one?
42:36Yeah.
42:37Yeah, you also had the same thing.
42:38But in your case, the boat landed upside down.
42:41But if it had landed the other way, you fiddling with the controls would have made it take off.
42:46It would have made it work, yeah.
42:47But we weren't aware that the boat was connected to the controls at any point.
42:50That was...
42:51I don't know why you're explaining that to people watching.
42:53That was very clear to everyone who's watching at home.
42:56Yeah.
42:57Okay, well I'm pretty happy with team names that Husey came up with there.
43:00So it's like the A team, which I think is great.
43:02A team.
43:03You said you were the A team.
43:04You are the A team.
43:05We're the A team.
43:06That makes you the B team.
43:07But A in this case stands for aged.
43:09Because you're a bit older.
43:12And with the other team, B stands for better.
43:15So it's the aged team and the better team will be the names for the whole series.
43:19Thanks so much for helping me out with thinking up the name, Husey.
43:22I really appreciate it.
43:23No, I will cop aged.
43:24I cop it every day, no doubt.
43:26But Lisa McKeown hasn't aged a day since 1997, mate.
43:29So sorry about that.
43:30Thanks, Dave.
43:32It's on my back.
43:34So, well, I think we need to know how long did they both take?
43:37The B team touched two things together in nine minutes and 40 seconds.
43:40Dave and Lisa, the A team, took 23 minutes and seven seconds.
43:44Oh, God.
43:45I thought we did okay.
43:47It's okay.
43:49So it's up to you how to apportion the score.
43:51Well, I feel like the better team gave the aged team a bit of a flogging.
43:54So I think I'm going to make it 5-5-5-2-2.
43:56Okay.
43:58And in terms of episode scores, there's four people with scores,
44:03but almost none of that really matters because charging away with it is Emma
44:06on nearly the maximum possible 19 points.
44:12Okay, please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show.
44:22All right, kiddo, who's going to read the task?
44:24Tommy Little.
44:27Hang the hangers on your rack.
44:29Before you toss a hanger, you must be wearing its T-shirt in the traditional way.
44:33You must remain on your mat, and your mat cannot move.
44:37For every hanger that misses, you must give a compliment to the person next to you about their outfit.
44:41Most hangers hung wins.
44:43You have 180 seconds.
44:47Are we ready to go?
44:48Yeah.
44:49Yeah.
44:57Here we go!
45:02Oh, Eul, I love you, boys.
45:04You're blue.
45:07Oh, that's gross.
45:08I love you.
45:09Oh, that's a beautiful shirt.
45:10You're beautiful.
45:11Come on.
45:13Ah!
45:14You're gorgeous in orange.
45:15You're amazing.
45:16Beautiful.
45:17Beautiful.
45:18You, I love your...
45:20I love everything.
45:21Lisa, compliment.
45:22Dave, you're great in green.
45:25Yeah!
45:27Come on!
45:28Come on!
45:30Here we go.
45:31Oh!
45:33You look bitching in orange!
45:35Come on!
45:36Up!
45:37Up!
45:40Hang on, what?
45:41One minute left.
45:42Go!
45:43Up!
45:44Up!
45:45Up!
45:46Yeah!
45:47Up!
45:48Up!
45:51That is so clever, I'm going to do that.
45:54Yes!
45:57Yes!
45:58On!
45:59I can't win.
46:00I can't win.
46:01I can't win.
46:02I can't win.
46:03I can't win.
46:04Oh!
46:05I can't win.
46:06Oh!
46:07I can't win.
46:08Oh!
46:09I can't win.
46:10Oh!
46:11Oh!
46:12Oh!
46:1310!
46:149!
46:158!
46:167!
46:176!
46:185!
46:194!
46:203!
46:212!
46:221!
46:23Oh!
46:24Oh!
46:25Oh!
46:26You're stunning.
46:27Oh, my God.
46:28All right.
46:30Well, we've got to come back after the break and find out who wins the concept of maths.
46:35See you after the break.
46:37Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster.
46:53The t-shirts have not been hung and we're hanging on to find out who's going to win the episode.
46:57Okay, sweet curly-haired boy, give us some scores.
47:01Well, we had what is inarguably a tie, I would say.
47:04Contrary to what Husey was saying, there was nothing in the rules against sabotage.
47:08It's up to you how much we're giving all of our contestants.
47:10Well, I don't feel like they equally came first, I feel like they equally came last.
47:14So I think everyone gets zero.
47:16Okay.
47:17I'm allowed to say that's disappointing, aren't I?
47:22Yeah, yeah.
47:23Add someone on the show.
47:24For you it's disappointing, but for viewers at home it's deeply satisfying.
47:28Some of them will be unhappy.
47:30You'll get emails.
47:31Now you've got to go make up an email address.
47:35There'll be no emails.
47:38And who does this mean won our first episode?
47:4116 points.
47:42Puts Wacker in second, meaning our winner with 19 points is Emma Holland.
47:45All right.
47:46Congratulations, Emma.
47:47Get up there and claim your misunderstood things.
47:55Well, there we go.
47:56What have we learned?
47:57Well, we learned that no matter what it is or where it's been, it's probably been up Tommy's
48:01ass.
48:02We learned that Dave Hughes has a dead dog and a propensity for snitching.
48:07And those things might be connected.
48:10And most of all, we've learned that Emma is the winner.
48:13Good night.
48:15How are we going, baby cakes?
48:35We're going pretty well, Papa Strudel.
48:37Yes!
48:38Thomas!
48:39Competing for the Taskmaster Trophy are five comedians.
48:42Sorry, four comedians and Lisa McCune.
48:45Oh my gosh.
48:46Sorry, three comedians and Tommy Little and Lisa McCune.
48:49Sorry, sorry.
48:50I'll start again.
48:51Competing are five humans.
48:52Sorry, four humans and Dave Hughes.
48:54Wait up.
48:55Shut up.
48:56You really are lesser in every way, aren't you?
48:58Oh no.
48:59I might have a breakdown.
49:00It was almost probably the best task ever in the history of the show.
49:04Sorry, because I tuned out a bit in the middle.
49:06You dickheads!
49:07Yes!
49:08Thanks, babe.
49:09Tommy, welcome.
49:10Come on.
49:11So, I shouldn't use logic.
49:12I should just go on how I feel.
49:13Absolutely.
49:14The way women do.
49:15I shouldn't use logic.
49:16I shouldn't use logic.
49:17I should just go on how I feel.
49:18Absolutely.
49:19The way women do.