King Of The Hill Season 2 Episode 2 Texas City Twister
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00:00Mornin', hun.
00:09Mornin', Uncle Hank.
00:12Ah! Ah! I called you hun and I'm naked.
00:18I'm sorry, Uncle Hank.
00:21What are you touching? Those are my personal undergarments.
00:26Nuh-uh. Some of them are mine.
00:30Will you look at what your niece has done?
00:33She's got my drawers spinnin' around with her unmentionables.
00:38Yeah. Oh, scandalous. Where's my coffee?
00:43Ooh, laundry. Hot out of the dryer.
00:47Mmm. Mmm.
00:55Ah. 6 a.m. and already the boy ain't right.
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03:20still there? I can't live in a beer can. I can live in a trailer, but I don't have a
03:28trailer because the trailer tipped over. That trailer cannot be livable, Hank. It's full
03:34of broken dishes and broken dreams. So? We'll clean it. Hank, if they had a sponge that
03:41cleaned up broken dreams, Woolworths would still be in business. Hey, Hank, what you
03:48gonna winch? Luanne's daddy's trailer. I'm gonna untip it and set it right. You know
03:55how the Egyptians untipped the pyramids, don't you? With a winch, a cinder block,
04:02and 50,000 Hebrew slaves. You got a cinder block? I could get you an army tank from
04:12the base. You know, there's nothing better for pushing, except for maybe a bulldozer,
04:17but, of course, they lock those up. Look, I got a truck and a winch. You want to stand
04:23around talking or you want to tip that trailer? Nancy, I'm helping Hank winch a trailer. I'll
04:29see you for dinner. Sorry, Shug. I get to anchor eyewitness weather tonight. There's high winds
04:36blowing. Might be a tornado. This could be the disaster I've been waiting for. So keep
04:41your fingers crossed. Well, what about my supper? I left a carton of cigarettes on the
04:47table. I think I'll keep her. You know, fellas, trailer parks are some of your largest consumers
04:59of propane right behind school buses and crematoriums. Pretty, pretty, pretty. Look at all those
05:08pretty trailers. Hey, man, that's a damn good old deal, man. I tell you what, a hundred bucks
05:13a month, man. You get them hookups, you get them old dang tube tops jiggling around everywhere
05:18and whatnot, man. It's nothing but a damn trash, man. Okay, Boomhauer, crank up the winch.
05:32You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. Oh, no, no, no. Move. Hmm. All right, let's
05:47do it. Keep going. Keep going. Use the momentum. All right. Boomhauer, let it go. Yeah.
06:00Do you think Alex should make his sexy Aunt Peg? Get out of my mind, Luanne.
06:23Hey there, Luanne. Peg Leg. Hey, honey, what have you been doing all day?
06:30Oh, this and that. Hey, Luanne, here's a thought. Wouldn't you like to have your own
06:37room? Well, sure I would. I'd also like a date with Alex Trebek, but I don't see what
06:46good I do since I don't even have my own room. You know, if that trailer wasn't tipped over,
06:52you'd have more than just your own room. What are you driving at? The trailer's not tipped
06:59over anymore. The guys and I took care of it. You could move in there tomorrow if you
07:04want. Why are you doing this to me? You're welcome.
07:09Thank you, how could you? You are practically pushing her out the door.
07:15Sometimes you got to stop vomiting in the baby bird's mouth and kick her out of the nest.
07:21Well, that's a very clever analogy, but you know from our own sidewalk, we are constantly
07:26raking up those little dried up bird babies. Luanne is just not ready.
07:34Oh, Pumpkin, are you all right?
07:37I'm sorry I lost to Aunt Peg, but I thought I never had to go back to that trailer.
07:43Well, you don't have to, Luanne. Not until you are good and ready.
07:48Did you know I was the first in my family to go to beauty college?
07:53No, I did not know that.
07:55And I'm not stopping there. I had dreams, Aunt Peg.
07:59I want to do hair and makeups for TV. I know I'd be good. I believe that I could be the first
08:07one to hide those bags under Michael Douglas' eyes.
08:11Those are big old dreams.
08:15I'm shooting for a star, Aunt Peg. And you know what? I'll be okay at Shiny Pines.
08:22Because you could see the same stars over that trailer. You could see right here.
08:29Well, at night.
08:31Okie dokie. Well, you're all packed up now.
08:35Guess you better start your goodbyes.
08:39We want to get on the road before that Dr. Demento starts stinking up the airwaves.
08:47Goodbye, Lady Bird.
08:50Oh, you look so sad.
08:53Show me that smile now. Come on.
08:57That's my girl.
09:00Goodbye, Luanne.
09:02I just wanted you to know that I never read your diary.
09:06Even though you secretly suspected I did on June 18th, 1995.
09:11I was wrong to doubt you, Bobby.
09:14That's okay.
09:16Oh, Uncle Hank.
09:19I just wanted to tell you, you've been like a father to me.
09:23Uh, and I just wanted to tell you that, uh, uh, here, let me give you my card.
09:33Hold on to that. That'll get you a 10% discount on all your propane needs.
09:41Lucky, lucky me.
09:43Luanne, honey, why don't you go out and wait in the car?
09:47What? That card is just like cash.
09:55Did you even happen to notice that Luanne was crying when she left here?
09:59Well, when isn't she crying?
10:02She cries at weddings. She cries at funerals.
10:04There's no rhyme or reason to it.
10:07I spent six hours tipping up her trailer yesterday.
10:12My back hurts. You don't see me crying.
10:14Luanne is not family. She's company.
10:26If she was family, I wouldn't have to double-knot the belt on my bathrobe
10:30just to get a midnight snack.
10:33Well, that is your problem.
10:35Luanne loves you, and you have no emotions for her at all?
10:39I've got plenty of emotions.
10:41I was afraid she was gonna hug me.
10:44I was worried that she wouldn't leave, and I was happy when it was over.
10:50Well, I don't know how anyone is supposed to know what you're feeling.
10:54Sitting there like a block of wood?
10:57That is what you are sometimes.
11:00A blockhead.
11:01A blockhead?
11:02Now that's hitting below the belt.
11:05Well, I am sorry, but sometimes you make me wonder what the hell is wrong with you.
11:10Oh, really?
11:12Well, speaking of hell, if I wasn't so in control of my emotions,
11:17I might be inclined to say that's the sort of place you should consider
11:21making a visit towards.
11:24Son, I'm very sorry you had to hear that.
11:46I just lost my grip, and I spoke in a way that a man should never, ever speak to his wife.
11:54I can't hear the TV.
11:55The National Weather Service has issued a tornado watch for the Tri-County area.
12:02This is not a test.
12:04Channel 84 doesn't play those kind of games.
12:07Residents should be on the lookout for a tornado, especially if you live in a trailer park,
12:12because as we all know, Jim, trailer parks can be hell in a tornado.
12:16Hey, isn't that funny, Dad?
12:19Because, I mean, you sort of told Mom to go to hell, right?
12:24And then they say on TV that in a twister, a trailer park is hell.
12:30And that's where Mom's going.
12:36That overlooks the avenue.
12:38There's no reason to panic.
12:49My telling your mother to go to hell will not be the last words the two of us exchange.
12:56You and I will just drive to the trailer park, pick up Peggy and Luann, and return without incident.
13:03Now, just in case I'm incapacitated for some reason,
13:08do you know how to start a man's heart with a downed power line?
13:12No.
13:14Well, there's really no wrong way to do it.
13:18Well, I wish I could hang around with you ordinary citizen types, but my county needs me.
13:25Yep.
13:26I take on certain powers when I put on this uniform,
13:30not unlike your Marvel superheroes, you know, Stretch Armstrong, Spider-Man, whatnot.
13:38Your bat cave's open there, Bill.
13:44You know, I don't mind you guys making fun of me on a daily basis,
13:52but when I have this uniform on, I'd appreciate a little respect.
13:56I'm sorry, you're right.
13:58Of all the army barbers I know, you're the bravest.
14:02Set your moose on stun there, Bill.
14:05You better hang on to that camcorder real good,
14:13because I'm driving right up next to that Twister hard copies,
14:18paying 500 bucks for flying cow video.
14:22I tell you what, man, you want to get a flying cow, man,
14:25you're going to load up them dynamite and old can like that,
14:29you're going to boom, man, that old cow fly all over the place.
14:32This is no time for jokes, Boomhauer.
14:36This tornado's already classified at level two on the Fujisaki scale.
14:42A storm that strong will send an egg through a barn door.
14:46Two barn doors if one of them's open.
14:49What would a level three do, Mr. Gribble?
14:52Level three will send an egg through a brick wall.
14:56Tornado chasers call it Humpty's Revenge.
15:00Wow.
15:02Tornado time is like the end of days, Bobby.
15:05The soft shall be blasted through the hard.
15:08Chaos will descend upon the well-organized.
15:11And the strongest of men will become like a woman of average strength.
15:17That's enough there, Dale.
15:19Now let's go, Bobby.
15:21Uh, just a minute, Dad.
15:23I forgot something important.
15:33Nancy Hicks Gribble here for Tornado Watch 97.
15:37Brought to you by Mega Low Mart.
15:39Mention that your home was destroyed and get a free five-pound bag of onions.
15:46A series of tornadoes has touched down in Arlen County.
15:48As of this time, we have no reports of injuries or of injury footage.
15:53But if you know of someone who has been injured or is likely to be injured,
15:57please call this station.
15:58So many bad memories.
16:22There's the fork Mama stabbed Daddy with.
16:27Oh, and the anti-bottles from that awful night.
16:30And, oh, no.
16:33Those mango-colored palazzo pants that made my butt look vague.
16:38Oh, this is going to be harder than I thought.
16:40There was a lot of fighting going on when we lived here.
16:47I guess I have that effect on people.
16:50No, do not be silly.
16:52The fight Hank and I had today was about him, not you.
16:56I am so mad at him and his precious self-control.
17:01I surely am not unfond of you, Peggy.
17:04I tell you what.
17:05What kind of marriage proposal is that?
17:12Wheezy's nightclub was in the path of gale force winds.
17:16Wheezy.
17:17It leveled the club, Al.
17:19The strippers are fine,
17:20but a customer had his lap broken by one of the dancers.
17:25Nothing to worry about.
17:27That trailer park is at least three strip clubs away from Wheezy's.
17:32It's that dang fuel filter again.
17:43There's no gas station for miles.
17:47Go to the Megalomart.
17:49They've got everything and a whole lot more.
17:53So maybe, just maybe, they'll have fruit pies.
17:59Come on, Bobby.
18:00Hurry up.
18:00All right, Twister.
18:07It's just you and me now.
18:10Ten years ago, you took my shit.
18:13Did you think I'd forget that?
18:15Come on, bring it on.
18:17Gah!
18:18No, please, let me go!
18:22Whoa, man, dang it.
18:24Whoa, hey!
18:26Yeah, whoa!
18:27Ah!
18:28Oh, yes, damn!
18:29Excuse me.
18:35Come on, Bobby.
18:45Twelve fuel filters for $60?
18:48But I only need one.
18:50One fuel filter.
18:56I'm sorry, hon, but those have to be purchased in packets of twelve.
19:03Twelve fuel filters.
19:05I'm sorry, sweetheart.
19:06I can't sell you a package that's opened.
19:08I opened it.
19:09I'm the one who opened it.
19:12I'm sorry, baby, but I can't.
19:14For insurance reasons.
19:16What insurance reasons?
19:17What could possibly happen with an open package of fuel filters?
19:21Fuel filters?
19:23Honey, quick.
19:24That jackass is buying all the fuel filters.
19:27What?
19:27Leave some for us, jackass.
19:29I need a fuel filter.
19:31What are they for?
19:32I need one.
19:33Well, that man's buying them by the dozen.
19:35Somebody stop him!
19:37Get out of here, baby!
19:38Get out of here, get out of here, get out of here, get out of here.
19:46Come on.
19:53Come on.
19:54Let's go.
19:55Move that truck.
19:57My wife is stuck at Shiny Pines.
19:59I'm not authorized to drive the truck, sir.
20:02My wife is in danger, damn it.
20:06Now make something happen.
20:09Security!
20:10Bill, thank God.
20:12Make this idiot let me pass.
20:15Just how would I do that, Hank?
20:17With my blow dryer or my scissor comb?
20:20Bill, come on now.
20:22No, I'm sorry.
20:23I must have a bad case of barber's ear.
20:26I can't hear a word you say until you address me as Sergeant Doetrieve.
20:31Bill, please.
20:33The KD!
20:36All right, Sergeant Doetrieve.
20:39I don't know if I like your tone, private.
20:42What did I do to deserve this?
20:45I didn't mean to curse my wife to hell.
20:53Oh, God.
20:57Oh, God.
20:59Oh, God.
21:00No!
21:01No!
21:11Nancy Gribble here for Death Watch 97.
21:14A level five tornado is headed right for Shiny Pines Trailer Park.
21:18shiny pines residents we urge you to remain calm however if there are any personal issues that
21:26you've been waiting to resolve or if you've never experienced the miracle of love making
21:31now might be the time
21:33peggy luann where are you look dad bingo the twister's coming run for the radio
21:47take my son peggy peggy are you in here
21:56this is the moment i've been waiting for
22:06look out
22:14hurry
22:17hang on
22:24what on earth are you doing here i came to find you i don't know how long i can hold on
22:34so i better say this now i feel terrible about what i said to you peggy i don't want you to go
22:43to hell i just i i mean i i'm not good at this kind of thing
22:51go on you're doing fine sweetheart don't edit yourself just whatever comes just let it come
23:00you're my best girl and you mean everything to me when we were apart today that was hell i couldn't
23:11wake up in the morning without your beautiful face beside me i love you and bobby and luann to a lesser extent
23:26hang on
23:29hang on
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25:09trailer anymore. It's tipped over. Guess you'll be staying with us from now on. Thanks, Uncle Hank.
25:23You know what I'll never forget? Was when Uncle Hank was naked. That never happened. But the wind
25:33blew all his clothes off. Not my underwear. Yes, I did. Not my underwear. Not his underwear.
26:03Fuck 80s.
26:33You