King Of The Hill Season 2 Episode 4 Hilloween
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00:00Intro
00:02Intro
00:04Intro
00:06Intro
00:10I don't know.
00:40Okay, Dale, hop on up.
00:47I don't know.
00:48Looks like he died with his tongue sticking out.
00:51Let me try again.
00:53I can look deader.
00:54No way, man.
00:55Dead is dead, man.
00:56He's getting old.
00:57I'm sitting up there.
00:58He's harnessed in the dang old wedges city up here, man.
01:02Well, it's a small price to pay, Boomhauer.
01:05I'm the general contractor of the school's haunted house,
01:09and it's my responsibility to bring this job in on time, under budget, and over scary.
01:16You know it's the damnedest thing.
01:18I got myself a wedgie, too.
01:22Hank, dinner time.
01:24I am stirring in the cheese powder.
01:26Okay.
01:28Hey, peg leg.
01:29Can you come out here and give me a hand?
01:32What is it, honey?
01:33I'm right in the middle.
01:34Oh!
01:39Gotcha.
01:40Oh, you?
01:41Oh, that just took a year off of my life, I think.
01:44I'm gonna scare the pants off those kids.
01:48I tell you what.
01:48I want Bobby to have the perfect Halloween.
01:52The kind I had when I was a boy.
02:07Trick or treat!
02:08Oh, my!
02:10Aren't you boys the scariest?
02:12Yeah, man.
02:12Talk about wah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
02:16Dang old boo, man.
02:18You got any candy cigarettes?
02:21No, but I have chocolate.
02:26Happy Halloween!
02:29Only one.
02:30Come on, push it over.
02:45Knock it down, quick!
02:47Okay, Dale's house is next.
02:50I think I'll go call my mom.
02:56Want to come with us?
02:58Meg Lomart is running a Halloween special.
03:01If you buy two rubber masks,
03:02they will punch out the nostril holes for free.
03:05Oh, sorry.
03:07I gotta go to my youth fellowship meeting.
03:10We're gonna deliver a hot meal to old people
03:13and then blow on it.
03:17Maybe I could be a Dalmatian.
03:20Halloween costumes are supposed to be scary.
03:24How's a Dalmatian scary?
03:26They can bite you?
03:28Mm-hmm.
03:29And nine times out of ten,
03:31they go right for the groin.
03:34Where are the vampires and monsters and ghosts?
03:39Elmo?
03:40Aladdin?
03:42Jenny McCarthy?
03:44I don't even know what these things are.
03:47I'd like to introduce our guest speaker.
03:51She's a new member of our church
03:53who has made herself known in a very short time
03:56through a series of gutsy letters,
03:59complaints, and threats.
04:01Miss Junie Harper.
04:07Why don't we just start things off with a little quiz?
04:10I hope it's open Bible.
04:14Who can tell me what this is?
04:17It's a witch.
04:19Very good.
04:20What's your name?
04:21Luann Flatter.
04:23Luann.
04:24You answered that so fast.
04:27Do you know any witches yourself?
04:30Witches aren't real.
04:31Yes, they are.
04:33Well, they even have their own holiday.
04:35Who knows what October holiday is associated
04:39with witches, goblins, and Satanists?
04:43Um, Halloween?
04:47Smart.
04:48Smart, smart, smart.
04:49Oh, this girl is very, very smart.
04:52Ooh.
04:53Thank you for noticing.
04:55Well, we still need a costume for Bobby,
05:00but at least we got our treats.
05:03Eat Wells, sugar-free, low-fat fun bars.
05:08Peggy, that stuff isn't for trick-or-treaters.
05:10It's for diabetics.
05:12Well, I am not going to gain 10 pounds like I did last year.
05:15So don't eat it.
05:16Just leave it there.
05:18No one said you could touch my candy anyway.
05:22The ancient druids celebrated Halloween
05:25by eating babies by the light of their jack-o'-lanterns.
05:30And then they danced.
05:33Oh.
05:37Boy, I'm sure glad your grandma kept my old costume.
05:42You know, I used to have a laugh that went along with this.
05:46Try it with me, son.
05:51Scary?
05:57Ah, it was disturbing.
06:00I can't get it, Peggy.
06:02I have terrible news.
06:03Halloween is a satanic holiday.
06:05It was invented by the Druish.
06:08No, honey, not Druish.
06:10The Druids.
06:11Where did you hear that garbage?
06:14It's the truth.
06:15Trick-or-treating is devil worship.
06:17Junie Hopper says so.
06:20Luanne, Halloween is just good, clean fun.
06:23It's got nothing to do with the devil.
06:26Now, I don't want to hear any more of your foolishness.
06:29Oh.
06:30Well, what is wrong with you?
06:35She just put some exciting new thing in her braid, and all she wanted to do was show it to us.
06:43My pretty kitty.
06:46So, you told him about the Druids and the candy corn, and he still thinks Halloween is just for fun.
06:51Uh-huh.
06:52I felt so stupid.
06:54Oh, no.
06:56First of all, in the eyes of the Lord, you're a genius.
06:59The devil likes to fool you into thinking you're stupid because it makes it easier for him to trick you.
07:05But if you think you're smart, you can resist him.
07:09Do you see what I'm saying?
07:11I'm not sure.
07:12Satan, be gone!
07:14Now you see?
07:15Yes.
07:16These days, Satan's getting very popular.
07:19That's why this Halloween, I'm sponsoring a hallelujah house.
07:24Oh, what's that?
07:25It's a righteous alternative to those wicked haunted houses.
07:29Oh, no.
07:32Uncle Hank is running a haunted house down at Bobby's school.
07:36The school?
07:38Tell me more.
07:41Let's get the rise and run of this trough right.
07:45I don't want my blood rushing to my severed head.
07:49Hey, Principal Moss.
07:51Hello, Hank.
07:53Mr. Gribble, this is a school.
07:54You got to take that cigarette outside.
07:57Yes, sir.
07:59Jackass says what?
08:00What?
08:03Hmm.
08:06Hank, you know Mrs. Junie Harper.
08:08She has some concerns.
08:10Apparently, some people consider Halloween a religious holiday.
08:14So?
08:15So, our Constitution guarantees a separation of church and state?
08:22Ms. Harper has a point.
08:25And an attorney.
08:28What's the skeleton for?
08:29Planning to read fortunes with the casting of bones?
08:32No.
08:33And what's that?
08:35A witch?
08:36That has got to go.
08:38I'm not taking out any of this stuff.
08:40I want those kids to have a real scary Halloween.
08:44You know, I'm starting to feel like the whole idea of a house of horrors is wrong.
08:51Oh, we can make it a house of pancakes.
08:54I'm just brainstorming here.
09:00Shut up, Bill.
09:02Look.
09:03We either do this haunted house the right way, or I'm not doing it at all.
09:08Now, what's it going to be?
09:10Hank, we can't afford another lawsuit.
09:12We blew our budget fighting wheelchair ramps and left-handed scissors.
09:16So that's how it is, huh?
09:20Boomhauer, grab Hagatha.
09:22There's only room for one witch in here.
09:25Well, I don't know.
09:34Get your do-love pancakes.
09:42Next year, Bobby's going to be a teenager.
09:46It's our last Halloween together, and Junie Harper ruined it.
09:50You know, there's nothing in the Constitution about separation of church and garage.
09:56Why don't you make a haunted garage?
09:59Yeah, I guess I could do that.
10:01Nuh-uh, Uncle Hank.
10:03You could go to hell.
10:05See, Junie Harper says a haunted house is the devil's mousetrap, and fun is the cheese.
10:13Luanne, just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep talking.
10:18Junie says I'm smart, so don't try and kick me into thinking I'm not.
10:23Now, hold on.
10:24Luanne is not stupid, and neither is Hank's idea for a haunted house.
10:29So, you can have your haunted garage, and you can be smart.
10:33But Junie Harper says...
10:35Junie Harper says, Junie Harper says, last time I checked,
10:39it wasn't Junie Harper's face in the stained glass window at Arlen First Methodist.
10:45Bobby, next Halloween, you're going to be too old to dress up and get candy.
10:53What?
10:54Now, don't panic.
10:56Treats are only half of trick-or-treat.
10:59It's time you learn to give as well as receive.
11:03You're not going to throw that, are you?
11:06Bobby, of course I am.
11:08It's a sign of respect.
11:11Hey, you know who could use little respect right now?
11:14Dale.
11:15Joshua!
11:18Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, Joshua!
11:21Joshua!
11:25You know, I'm suddenly reminded of a Bible quote.
11:30Do unto others.
11:32I don't know, Dad.
11:35This is vandalism.
11:37And vandalism isn't cool.
11:40Bobby, that attitude is a little immature.
11:44Now, come on.
11:52You gotta have backspin, son.
11:55Like this.
11:56I am not afraid of you, Satanists!
12:11Come on, boy!
12:14I'm not afraid.
12:15I won't be afraid.
12:16I'll stand up to all of you.
12:17It's the fuzz!
12:46Quick!
12:47Ditch the evidence!
12:57Well, there must be some mistake.
13:02My Bobby?
13:03Son, did you pay Mrs. Harper a little visit tonight?
13:09Yes.
13:10Bobby!
13:10Now, don't jump all over the boy.
13:13The truth is, this is my fault.
13:15Well, of course it is.
13:17His antisocial behavior is a result of your whole family's anti-Christian values.
13:23You hold it right there, Judy Harper.
13:26You are out of order.
13:27I go to church, too, and I have raffled and bingoed and bank-sailed my way as close to the good Lord as you.
13:35So do not try to one-up me, because I will one-up yours.
13:39The complacency of fools will destroy them, Proverbs.
13:44Get out of my house, Exodus.
13:49You're a regular Halloween hell-raiser, just like your old man.
13:54And I'm very disappointed in you.
14:00I'll never use toilet paper in anger again.
14:26Are you all right?
14:28I didn't hear the TV on.
14:30I grounded myself.
14:32I don't deserve to watch TV after what I did last night.
14:36It's not your fault.
14:38It's Uncle Hank's fault.
14:40He's a Satanist, Bobby.
14:45Oh, come on, Luanne.
14:47That's the craziest thing I ever heard.
14:49It's true.
14:50Oh, dang.
14:52That's why Uncle Hank sminched my ideas about Halloween.
14:56The devil doesn't want you to know the truth.
14:59Did your father ever make you drink blood?
15:02He made me eat liver once.
15:05That is called a recovered memory.
15:08Think, Bobby.
15:09What else can you remember?
15:12Hmm.
15:13Where are the vampires and monsters and ghosts?
15:17You're a regular Halloween hell-raiser, just like your old man.
15:22It's just liver.
15:24It's not gonna kill you.
15:30Oh, dang.
15:31The vandalism upon my house can only be described as a hate crime.
15:39Somebody hates me.
15:42Let the record show that somebody hates Dale Dribble.
15:45Last night, my house was also attacked by Satanists.
15:50Miss Harper, what evidence do you have of that?
15:54What evidence?
15:56How is this for evidence?
16:02Well, I think it is perfect.
16:06Although, I still think Hank Hack works just as well.
16:10Yes!
16:11Halloween is canceled!
16:13I just got off the phone with Mrs. Junie Hopper, and she said that the city council passed the curfew because the Satanists made her run over her cat.
16:22What about the trick-or-treaters?
16:24Oh, there won't be any trick-or-treaters.
16:27See, Uncle Hank, you said I was wrong, but now everyone agrees with me.
16:33Nobody agrees with you.
16:35You agree with everybody else.
16:37You agree with any idiot who says anything.
16:40Stop attacking her, Hank.
16:43Luanne didn't cancel Halloween.
16:45Junie Harper did.
16:46Well, I don't care what she does.
16:48Tomorrow night, I'm going to teach Bobby the true meaning of Halloween come hell or high water.
16:57My dad sure wants me to be at that haunted house.
17:01The last time he wanted me to be somewhere so bad, I woke up without tonsils.
17:08Well, this time, he may be after yourself.
17:13I'm scared, Luanne.
17:15I can't help you, Bobby.
17:17But I know who can.
17:22This is Junie Harper.
17:24This is Junie Harper.
17:47Thanks for helping me get away.
17:51I heard Satanists like my dad always sacrifice virgins.
17:56So we both better be careful.
18:00Oh.
18:00Hmm.
18:01Where is everybody?
18:11I can't believe they're staying home because of a curfew.
18:15And where the heck is Bobby?
18:17He's still out with Luanne.
18:19I sent them to the store for more high sea.
18:22Now I guess that was a fool's errand.
18:24Isn't there one person in this town with the courage to celebrate Halloween?
18:35Hank, while you're out there, turn off my hose.
18:38First of all, I'd like to say, halo to everybody.
18:45Now follow me, children.
18:47No pushing.
18:48He who is last shall be first.
18:50Oh, what have we here?
18:57It's a young, unmarried couple who are about to let their hormones get the best of them.
19:06Uh-oh.
19:07Oh, I guess the old saying is true.
19:12Sex kills.
19:18Dinner's ready.
19:19Where's Grandpa?
19:24Oh!
19:26That's your Grandpa?
19:29Haven't you heard?
19:30Our ancestors are monkeys.
19:35Oh, no.
19:36He's eating the baby.
19:38Stop him, honey.
19:40We can't.
19:42It's against the law to teach creationism.
19:48Have you seen Bobby?
19:50Um, hmm.
19:52I think he said he was going to the gym.
19:58Luanne.
19:59All right.
20:00I took him to Junie Hopper's.
20:02He's a lot better off there.
20:04What are you talking about?
20:05Well, I think that it's better for a child to receive wholesome impressions from established religious authorities than participate in rituals that are conducted by people who really don't even know that they are pawns of the devil.
20:22Whoa, little missy.
20:23You hold it right there.
20:25I've had it up to here with your baloney.
20:28I have taken you into my home.
20:29I have sheltered and fed you.
20:31But if you step between my husband and his son, I will cast you out like yesterday's garbage.
20:37But, but I...
20:39From now on, you leave the parenting to us.
20:43We get a magazine about it.
20:49I brought you an ice cold beer.
20:52Thanks, Peggy.
20:53Uh, Luanne took Bobby to Junie Hopper's house for an anti-Halloween church party.
20:58I came very close to spitting out beer.
21:06I knew you'd be upset.
21:08They wrecked my haunted house.
21:10They outlawed my trick-or-treating.
21:13And now they want to brainwash my boy?
21:16It's time for somebody to do something.
21:18Hank, no!
21:27You could go to jail!
21:29I knew the risks when I put on the uniform.
21:38Trick or treat?
21:41Trick or treat?
21:43Trick or treat?
21:46Trick or treat?
21:47Trick or treat?
21:50Trick or treat?
21:52Trick or treat?
21:54Trick or treat?
21:56Trick or treat?
21:59Trick or treat?
22:01Trick or treat?
22:01Hey, man, check it out, man.
22:02I don't need no dang old costume, man.
22:04I need to put on a big dang old mind, man.
22:06Look, it's like I'm trying to get out of this box, man.
22:08Say, whoa, man.
22:09Don't play tickle board, man.
22:13Trick or treat?
22:15Trick or treat?
22:17Here comes the ghost!
22:19Here comes the ghost!
22:19Here comes the ghost!
22:21Oh!
22:23Dogey!
22:26Trick or treat?
22:28Trick or treat?
22:31Trick or treat?
22:32Trick or treat?
22:33Boo!
22:33I am a high-priced Washington lobbyist peddling influence.
22:40Who wants candy?
22:44Trick or treat?
22:46Trick or treat?
22:48Take a treat!
22:51Smell my feet!
22:53Give me something good to eat!
22:57Come on, Lou Anne!
23:02Trick or treat!
23:04Trick or treat!
23:06Trick or treat!
23:09Trick or treat!
23:11Trick or treat!
23:14Trick or...
23:15Okay, Susie, what's it going to take to get you to join the Hallelujah Club tonight?
23:27Look, you took the brownie.
23:29I didn't make you take the brownie.
23:35Congratulations, Bobby!
23:37Hey, everybody, listen up!
23:39Bobby Hill has joined the Hallelujah Club.
23:43Hallelujah, Bobby!
23:46Can I have another brownie?
23:48Trick or treat!
23:51Trick or treat!
23:51Oh?
23:53Trick or treat!
23:53I'll handle this!
23:55Trick or treat!
23:58Hey, Bobby!
23:59Go away, Satan!
24:01Bobby, it's just a costume.
24:03There is a curfew in effect, Mr. Hill.
24:06But I guess you have no respect for man's law, either.
24:10I've had enough of this nonsense.
24:13Come on, son, let's go trick or treating.
24:16He will not, because he is a good boy.
24:23All right, Bobby, I don't want to force you to choose.
24:28I just wanted to spend Halloween with my son, but I guess I can't do that this year.
24:33It just tears my heart out.
24:38Oh!
24:42What do you think you're doing?
24:46I'm just keeping an eye out for my son.
24:50Oh, mercy, what have I done?
24:53Do not encourage this monster.
24:55This is vile.
24:57Come on, Bobby.
24:58Halloween's just no fun without you.
25:01Bobby, if you leave now, you'll never get the key to the kingdom.
25:08Come on, son, let's get some candy.
25:10You'll go to hell!
25:12You'll get candy.
25:13Hell!
25:14Candy?
25:14Hell!
25:15Candy!
25:16Stop!
25:17I don't care about candy.
25:21I just want to be with my dad.
25:26All right, then.
25:28Fine!
25:37Go on, all of you!
25:40More room in heaven for me!
25:43We gotta get you home and scare you up the costume.
25:48Okay.
25:49Hey, Dad, I was just kidding before.
25:53I care about candy.
25:55I care a lot.
25:57Happy Halloween, everyone!
26:02Oh, my God, Dad!
26:04I, I, I...