The.Assembly.UK.S01E01.Danny.Dyer
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00:00How am I going up here?
00:10How are you, Dan?
00:12Pleasure to meet you. You okay? Feeling strong?
00:14Yeah.
00:15You look good?
00:16Yeah.
00:17Can I say something?
00:18Of course.
00:19I can't wait to see your new film.
00:21It's an 18 now. Are you over 18?
00:24No, I'm only 52.
00:26Look at this top. You look incredible.
00:28Hello, Danny.
00:29Pleasure.
00:30It's kind of...
00:31Pleasure to meet you. Where you going?
00:32I'm coming round there.
00:33Oh, okay.
00:34You are good, Dan.
00:35Pleasure to meet you.
00:36Pleasure.
00:38You look a lot different than I see you in EastEnders playing the character Mick Carter.
00:43Was you a big fan of that then? Did you like Mick Carter?
00:45I, uh...
00:46I mostly watch Coronation Street and Emmerdale.
00:50Oh, for fuck's sake.
00:52We're going to get started now. Ben, would you like to introduce us?
01:01All right.
01:03Welcome to the assembly, our collective of autistic, neurodivergent and learning disabled interviewers.
01:11Our rules are, no question is out of bounds. No subject is off the table. And all might happen.
01:23Please tell us who you are.
01:25My name's Danny Dyer. I am a 47-year-old actor from East London. I mean, obviously, I've got a little bit more depth to me than that, but that's essentially who I am.
01:38And our first question is from Chardonnay.
01:42Hi, Chardonnay.
01:43Hi, Danny. How are you?
01:44I'm really well. You okay?
01:45It's nice to meet you. Can I?
01:47Absolute pleasure to meet you. Shall we have a cuddle?
01:48Yeah.
01:51Absolute pleasure.
01:52Beautiful.
01:53You okay, Chardonnay?
01:54Lovely.
01:55Deep breath.
01:57When Jo kicked you out, she emptied your shared bank account. Do you still have a shared bank account now?
02:04And you have to answer honestly.
02:09So I'll give you a cuddle. I thought it was going to be a lovely question and you fucking hit me with that. I'm like, oh.
02:13Sorry.
02:15She kicked you out.
02:16Yeah, she did kick me out.
02:17Why?
02:18Because I was a prick.
02:19Okay.
02:20And she deserved better. And I was an idiot. And sometimes I would go out and I would get off my head, take drugs. I wouldn't come home for three days. She had every right to throw me out.
02:29She controls everything now.
02:32You called David Cameron a bad word. Why did you call him this?
02:38Twat.
02:39I call him a twat, yes.
02:41I like to refer to him now as Lord Twat.
02:44Lord Twat.
02:45I don't know. I felt like we had a big vote for Brexit, which has obviously been a fucking disaster.
02:52But he was our leader and he fucked off and left us. When the shit hits the fan, that's when you need to lead us properly. He disappeared. So I called him a twat. I don't like him.
03:07Next up we have Nicola.
03:09Why do you keep swearing?
03:11I was brought up by very strong women that swat.
03:14So you don't swear then?
03:15I don't swear.
03:16Hello.
03:17Hello Danny. How are you?
03:20Really well actually. You?
03:22You can call today.
03:26So are you.
03:28Oh yeah.
03:30How much money did you get paid for presenting the wall?
03:36I think I probably got maybe a hundred thousand. But you have to work for it. You know? So yeah, that's what I got. Is that? Yeah.
03:53Yeah.
03:54You didn't look that phased by it. She's like, wait.
03:57Thank you Nicola.
04:01Cheerio.
04:05Hello.
04:08Hello.
04:09Hello.
04:13You wanna find me?
04:15Sorry?
04:16I'm gonna fight you.
04:18Do I wanna fight ya?
04:19Yeah.
04:20Yeah.
04:21Come on.
04:22Come on.
04:23Come on.
04:24Come on.
04:25Come on.
04:26Come on.
04:28Come on.
04:29Come on.
04:30Come on.
04:31Come on.
04:32Come on.
04:33Come on.
04:34Come on.
04:35Come on.
04:36Come on.
04:37Come on.
04:38Come on.
04:39Come on.
04:40Come on.
04:41Come on.
04:42Come on.
04:43Come on.
04:44Come on.
04:45Come on.
04:46Come on.
04:47Come on.
04:48Come on.
04:49Come on.
04:50Come on.
04:51Come on.
04:52Come on.
04:53Come on.
04:54Come on.
04:55Come on.
04:56Come on.
04:57Come on.
04:58Come on.
04:59Come on.
05:00Come on.
05:01Come on.
05:02Come on.
05:03Come on.
05:04Come on.
05:05Come on.
05:06Come on.
05:07Come on.
05:28You don't work.
05:29It's like a driven door-to-door in a Bentley.
05:31Oh, okay.
05:32My next question is, how was therapy?
05:34Did you find that it helped you?
05:38It's a huge question.
05:43I needed to learn what was wrong with me and why,
05:47because I was acting, I was earning money,
05:49I had everything going for me, but I still wasn't happy.
05:54Why am I beating myself up again?
05:56Why am I stressing, why am I worried?
05:58There was a hole missing inside of me,
06:00which I was obviously using drugs to fill it.
06:03So I needed to understand what it was,
06:06and it actually, I learned that it was
06:09every strong male role model I had left me or died.
06:14So my dad left when I was nine.
06:17Then I got really close to my granddad,
06:19and then he got cancer and he died within six months.
06:22And then I got really close to a very famous playwright
06:26called Harold Pinter, and then he got cancer,
06:30and then he died.
06:31And so then what I was doing was,
06:33whenever I got close to somebody that I loved
06:35and looked up to, I'd press the fuck it button
06:38before they could die.
06:39Yeah.
06:40So that I thought, well, I'll beat you to it.
06:42I needed to learn some tools and to help me,
06:46as we all need to.
06:48So it was good for me.
06:50It comforts me.
06:52OK, thank you, Cameron.
06:55Harry?
06:57Me and my mum, we are fans of yours.
07:00We love you so much, we do.
07:02Is your mum fit?
07:09Me and my mum found it very upsetting
07:11when Mick Carter died on EastEnders on Christmas Day.
07:15How was it for you when you left EastEnders?
07:17Very emotional for me.
07:18I did that job for nine years.
07:21I got to a point where I made a lot of mistakes in my life,
07:23and so nobody would hire me no more.
07:26And then EastEnders came along and they said,
07:28we love you.
07:29We want to put you in the Queen Vic.
07:30I was like, what?
07:33So that saved my life because I had bailiffs at my door.
07:36My first four years was incredible.
07:38And then what happens is, is the producer left
07:42and a new producer came in and he didn't like the Carters.
07:46So he started to sack people.
07:47My son, my daughter.
07:50They still got Kelly Bright in it,
07:52who played my wife Linda Carter.
07:54But then what they'd done was they split me up with Kelly
07:58and put me with Janine.
07:59Janine?
08:00Why did they do that?
08:01That's what I said.
08:02So when the producers said to me,
08:04you're going to be with Janine, I went, Janine!
08:06Like seriously?
08:07But she murders people.
08:09Yeah.
08:09I thought, oh, no.
08:11So if I stay too long, she'll kill me.
08:14Oh, no.
08:16So I thought, I've got to get out.
08:17So basically, I went in the sea and I was never found again.
08:21I really hope you do come back.
08:23Listen, if it all goes tits up,
08:25then I'd turn up in the pub with seaweed all over me.
08:31And I've got another question for you.
08:33Go on.
08:36I've been struggling with my anxiety.
08:39I feel like there are too many changes in the world.
08:43It's confusing and it's a big struggle.
08:46I know you've been struggling yourself.
08:49How do you control your anxiety?
08:51You know what I do, Harry?
08:52I learn about meditation.
08:55So I realise that my brain talks to me a lot
08:58and it talks a lot of shit.
08:59And it also tells me how shit I am.
09:02So just concentrate on your breath.
09:05And I can still hear my little voices going in my head,
09:07and you shit today, or you done that,
09:10or you look fat, or you .
09:11You know, I just breathe again.
09:12I just try and quieten down the noises.
09:15Can it happen at any point?
09:16I'm sure you all have it.
09:17Yeah, I have that.
09:18Yeah.
09:19And it's hard, because every time you put the news on...
09:21Yeah.
09:22Shh.
09:23Like, uh-oh.
09:24It's a fucking mad time to be alive.
09:26Can you show us, please?
09:28Just close your eyes.
09:29Yeah, I'll see that.
09:30Just put your hands in a nice, relaxed position, yeah?
09:33All you're going to do is, when you breathe in,
09:35in your mind, you're going to say, one.
09:37So it's .
09:39One.
09:40One.
09:40And then when you breathe out, .
09:43Two.
09:44And then you go back to one.
09:45.
09:47Do it in your mind, yeah?
09:49.
09:56And then sometimes, with our brains still talking to us,
10:00we just go one.
10:01.
10:03And then to .
10:06Just relax your forehead.
10:07.
10:13Relax your face.
10:14.
10:18Your shoulders.
10:19.
10:22Your arms.
10:23.
10:26.
10:31.
10:32.
11:01Now you've done Rivals, OK, you've kind of become a bit of a sex symbol for mums.
11:08How does that feel?
11:09I thought I'd had my days of that, being a sex symbol.
11:13Turns out, actually, it's OK to have hairy breasts,
11:18cos I do have hairy breasts.
11:20Look, you know.
11:25But what I'll say is all of a sudden,
11:27look, he looks disgusted with me, look.
11:31If this can be attractive, yeah, then I'm very surprised.
11:37Next up, we have a question from Joseph.
11:39You OK?
11:40Yeah, fine, yeah.
11:41Do you need anything?
11:42No, I'm OK.
11:43Good.
11:44Hello, Danny.
11:45Nice to meet you.
11:46Joseph, pleasure.
11:47You found out that your dad had a secret family.
11:51How gutted do you feel?
11:54Well, it was...
11:56It was...
11:58You know, my dad was living true lives.
12:01Oh.
12:02So he...
12:04He was sort of raising us.
12:07And then I always remember on Christmas Day, he disappeared for a few hours.
12:10So what he was doing was he was going across London to his other family.
12:13And he had two daughters.
12:14If you think about that.
12:15Two daughters?
12:16Crazy.
12:17Like, how did you do that?
12:18And then my mum found out my assistant was like, you know, nine months old or whatever.
12:24So, you know, it was a real moment of clarity of like, oh, I see.
12:29How the fuck did he do that, by the way?
12:31Went from one family to another.
12:33Yeah.
12:34Crazy.
12:35Crazy.
12:36Thank you, Joseph.
12:39Our next question is from Paul.
12:42Ah, here he is.
12:44Hello.
12:45I'm Paul.
12:47What did you think of your daughter being on Love Island?
12:50Is she a...
12:53Nippo baby?
12:55Nippo baby.
12:57She is by default.
12:58And I think that's probably why she got on Love Island.
13:01I didn't want her to do it.
13:02I didn't want her to do it because I'd never watched it.
13:04But I heard people have sex on that show.
13:07Oh.
13:08And I thought, as a father, I don't want to see none.
13:09Not that I ever felt that she was going to do that.
13:11But she didn't tell me till the last minute.
13:13Then she just went.
13:14And then I watched it like a viewer.
13:16Oh.
13:17Sitting there every night like that.
13:18Okay.
13:19She was such a beautiful human being on it.
13:21Because she is a beautiful human being.
13:22Yes.
13:23And she was respectful.
13:25And she was quite vulnerable.
13:27She was funny.
13:28So, actually, it worked out really well for her.
13:30Because she was working in the pub before she went in that.
13:32As soon as she came home, she fucked off and left me.
13:34Went and got a flat in Canary Wolf.
13:36She is a Nippo baby.
13:37Yeah, of course she is.
13:38But what's wrong with that?
13:39You know what I mean?
13:40Jacob.
13:42Hello, Danny Dyer.
13:43Hello.
13:44I know your daughter's getting married.
13:46Have you prepared a speech for your daughter's wedding?
13:50Well, first of all, I'm so excited about her getting married.
13:53Because she's marrying the West Ham captain.
13:59Okay.
14:00But she has brought home some twats.
14:02Really?
14:05And I didn't like them.
14:06They didn't treat her well.
14:07I'll tell you how I know.
14:08When she brings home somebody that is a bit of a prick,
14:10she's not being herself.
14:12She came home once.
14:13She brought this boy home.
14:14And she said to me,
14:15Dad, I want to make him a frothy coffee.
14:17I went...
14:20Fucking never made me a frothy coffee, ever.
14:24Why are you pretending that you make frothy coffee?
14:26She went, oh, no, because he likes coffee.
14:27He likes coffee.
14:28I went, this is weird.
14:30So then I had to show her how to use the coffee machine.
14:33And I was like, fucking okay.
14:34So I knew she's not being her.
14:36Anyway, when she brought home Jared, she was herself.
14:39So my speech is going to be about how I am more in love with him than her.
14:47Got to think, because her name's Danny Dyer as well.
14:49Because I'm Danny Dyer, she's Danny Dyer.
14:51Why are you called Danny?
14:52What?
14:53Why are you called Danny Dyer?
14:54Because I wanted to name her after me.
14:56Okay, well.
14:58Very good interviewing you.
14:59Absolute pleasure.
15:00Absolute pleasure.
15:01Right.
15:02We have Nargis.
15:04Hello.
15:06What's your favourite kebab?
15:08My favourite kebab?
15:09Yes!
15:10I love a kebab.
15:14I've not had a kebab in so long.
15:16I like...
15:17Donner.
15:18Donner.
15:19A little bit of salad.
15:20Yeah.
15:21Loads of chilli sauce.
15:22And then it's just...
15:24It's like, ugh.
15:25Yeah!
15:27I remember I got drunk once.
15:30Yeah.
15:31And I fell asleep with my Donner kebab next to me.
15:34And I woke up and went...
15:37All on my pillow.
15:38Yeah!
15:39So yeah, I like Donner.
15:40I like the filthiest one.
15:42Wow.
15:44Essene, you're up next.
15:45Hi.
15:46I'm Essene.
15:47It's nice to meet you.
15:48Pleasure.
15:49This is a difficult question.
15:51If you don't want to answer it, that's completely fine.
15:53Okay.
15:54So I just wanted to put that out there.
15:56I appreciate that.
15:57Fucking hell.
15:58Jesus Christ.
16:01Listen, give it to me.
16:02That's why I'm here.
16:03Let's have an open conversation.
16:04Go on then.
16:06You mentioned you had father issues.
16:08And, um...
16:12Oh dear.
16:14Grave, remember?
16:19My father...
16:20For a long time, I tried to get in contact with him.
16:26I don't know if yours is the same situation, but how would you deal with parents that are no longer around? Sorry.
16:35No, I get it.
16:36It's, um...
16:38It's really difficult, isn't it?
16:41To my dad.
16:43Um...
16:44He just...
16:45He wasn't a very good dad.
16:46He didn't know how to do it.
16:48He told me when I wasn't allowed to hold his hand anymore.
16:51And I was trying to cross a road and I went to hold his hand.
16:54He went, no, we don't do that anymore.
16:55And I was like, ah, shit.
16:58I don't understand how men put their head on the pillar, knowing they have children out there that they just can't...
17:04They don't have a relationship with.
17:06I couldn't do it.
17:07Like, I caused quite a lot of pain to my children.
17:10Yeah.
17:11You know, the stuff I was getting up to and just being vacant, not engaging, you know, not being available.
17:16And I realised later on that, actually, wow, I'm gonna do everything in my power to be...
17:23Sorry.
17:24It's not about money. You can live in a cardboard box.
17:25Listen, express yourself.
17:27It's about love.
17:28What do children need?
17:29They just need stability and affection and feel like they're loved.
17:32That's it.
17:33When you haven't got that, it's a really tough thing.
17:37I'm very close to my dad now, actually, because, again, he deserved another shot.
17:42There's still no relationship there with...
17:44They'd stay lost because you're a fucking incredible human being.
17:47So, like, you know...
17:49What have missed out?
17:50It was just me and my mum for a long time and...
17:52Same.
17:53Yeah.
17:54All he needed was my mum. That was it.
17:55Of course.
17:57It's all right if I give you a hug for that.
17:59I'm sorry. Thank you.
18:00Absolutely.
18:02It's all about the love. Pleasure.
18:05Time for some music now.
18:15This is mad.
18:16This is like proper fucking...
18:17Yeah.
18:18Sorry, I could...
18:20Sparing!
18:21Told you.
18:22It comes naturally to me.
18:24I was blind.
18:25Mmm.
18:26Now I see...
18:27You made a believer...
18:29Out of me...
18:30I'm moving on up now...
18:31Getting out of the darkness...
18:33My light shines on...
18:34My light shines on...
18:35My light shines on...
18:36My light shines on...
18:37My light shines on...
18:38My light shines on...
18:39Now I see...
18:40You made a believer...
18:41You made a believer...
18:43Out of me...
18:44Out of me...
18:45I'm moving on up now...
18:46I'm moving on up now...
18:48Getting out of the darkness...
18:50Getting out of the darkness...
18:51Getting out of the darkness...
18:53Getting out of the darkness...
18:54Getting out of the darkness...
18:56Getting out of the darkness...
18:57Getting out of the darkness...
18:58Getting out of the darkness...
18:59Oh
19:21Joe
19:29Oh
19:35No
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