Murphy Brown Season 6 Episode 13 Sox And The Single Girl
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00:00Hello, I'm Murphy Brown.
00:10Hi, Ms. Brown, I'm Walter, your new secretary.
00:12Hi, Ms. Brown, I'm William, your new secretary.
00:14Uh, excuse me, but why are there two of you?
00:17Well, you see, the embryo split in my mother's womb.
00:20Oh, no, why are there two of you here?
00:24Oh, personnel left a message on our answering machine
00:27for a W. Ferguson to show up for work this morning.
00:29And that would be me, Walter Ferguson.
00:31No, that would be me, William Ferguson.
00:32They meant me since my name came first.
00:34But I was born first.
00:36Oh, there it is.
00:37Your little bald head comes out two minutes before mine,
00:39and that means you get the top bunk,
00:41you get the name of the puppy,
00:43and you get the post for the graduation photo,
00:45and I get the duplicate.
00:46Well, Tweedledee and Tweedledum,
00:48I don't care which one of you gets the job.
00:50Just go to personnel and get it straightened out, okay?
00:52I'll do it right now. Oh, no, you're not. I'm going too.
00:57I already pushed it.
00:58So I can push it to the left.
01:00You have to push it to the left.
01:01You're not pushing it.
01:02You know what's happening with our left?
01:03You don't want to get everything in your face.
01:05All you're lying about is everything.
01:06I'm going to get everything.
01:07Gee, I'm going to get everything.
01:08I'm going to get everything.
01:09I'm going to get everything.
01:10Sorry I'm late, people, but when you get a call as important as the one I just got,
01:22you don't exactly tell your secretary to take a message.
01:25Don't tell me some lucky gal finally picked your video at the I can't believe I'm still single dating survey.
01:32That's very humorous, Murphy.
01:34Timmy didn't have a joke like that a few minutes ago.
01:36I could have told it to the first lady.
01:38Hillary Clinton called you?
01:40Well, actually it was Dee Dee Myers, but I could definitely hear Hillary in the background yelling at Bill to change his time.
01:45Oh, big deal.
01:47So the White House call.
01:48I thought you said it was important.
01:50Ooh, what's that you're chewing, Murphy?
01:53Sour grapes?
01:54You know, just because you've been banned from the White House during the Clinton administration,
01:59as you were by the Bush administration and the Reagan administration,
02:03and I can only assume the Carter administration.
02:09That doesn't mean you can't be happy when Hillary Clinton invites Corky to the White House for the Women in Journalism luncheon next week.
02:17She did?
02:18I'll have fun!
02:22In a boring way.
02:23Stop it.
02:24Oh, poor me, I have to go darden.
02:27I do one tough piece on Hillary's healthcare program and suddenly I'm blacklisted.
02:32Well, actually, Slugger, several reporters have done tough stories, but you're the only one who's pushed her husband in the mud.
02:37I did not push him.
02:39He was running from me, there was mud, there was gravity.
02:42I did not write the laws of physics.
02:44Besides, that was eight months ago.
02:45It's not like Hillary would even remember.
02:46Oh, no, she remembers.
02:48Vividly.
02:49Dee Dee says the First Lady doesn't like you.
02:50Okay, Miles.
02:52In fact, the words rude, annoying, and deportation kept popping up in the conversation.
02:57Okay.
02:59Which makes it all the more extraordinary that your brilliant executive producer has managed to wrangle an invitation for you, too.
03:08Oh, my.
03:09What?
03:10John Miles, two more miracles and I believe you'll qualify for sainthood.
03:13Oh, come on.
03:14It's not like he spun straw into gold.
03:17I mean, he got a highly qualified journalist into a White House luncheon.
03:21How hard could that have been?
03:22How hard?
03:23I'll tell you how hard.
03:24Guess who's dressing up as Baby New Year at the White House New Year's Eve party.
03:29How about this, Murphy?
03:33You and me at the White House together.
03:35Let's take separate cars.
03:36You know, in case you want to leave early or I want to leave early or you get arrested.
03:42Hey, I was never arrested.
03:47Placed briefly in a holding cell, maybe.
03:50Forcibly ejected by Marine Guards once or twice, sure.
03:53But none of that's going to happen next week, is it, Murphy?
03:56Because you know how hard your executive producer has worked to get you this invitation.
04:00You know the importance he places upon the reputation of his reporters.
04:03And you know that he doesn't want his great-uncle Manny, who once published a Stalinist newsletter in the 30s, to be dragged out of bed and interrogated by FBI agents again.
04:12Miles, you're preaching to the converted.
04:15I'm being given a second chance.
04:16I have no intention of messing it up.
04:18You're going to see a whole new me at that luncheon.
04:21In fact, Hillary's going to have to ask,
04:23My, who is that well-mannered blonde woman who's getting along so famously with everyone at her table?
04:29And I'll just smile little girly and ask for a second helping pig's knuckles.
04:39Yes!
04:47I'm telling you, Miles, I could not have been a more charming guest.
04:51I was pleasant, attentive.
04:53You should have seen how naturally I chuckled when Hillary told me which jokes were hers on last week's evening shade.
05:00Just a second.
05:01Hey, you yuppie jerk! Get off the car phone and drive!
05:06I'm sorry, Miles, what were you saying?
05:08No, I didn't break anything.
05:11No, I did not injure anyone.
05:14Oh, come on, like I could even have gotten into the war room.
05:18What do you want to think? I was brilliant.
05:20I even sacrificed a perfectly good pair of pantyhose playing with their stupid cat socks.
05:25Yes, indeedy.
05:27I think it's safe to say my bad luck with the White House is behind me.
05:31So, I'll see you back at the office.
05:33Goodbye.
05:34Good luck.
05:37Take me back.
05:39Don't sit around me, please.
05:41If you walk in that door, I can hear her.
05:45I'm...
05:46I'm just kidding.
05:50And when Hillary said she thought history would prove that the Clinton tax increase was in the best interest of the country,
05:55who do you think left to her feet and started the smattering of applause?
06:00Oh, yeah, my exile is over.
06:02I have established a beachhead on the treacherous Clinton shore.
06:07Yep, beachhead on the shores.
06:09I showed respect, maturity, self-discipline.
06:12Maturity, self-discipline.
06:15I even asked for a cornbread recipe.
06:16Like I'm really gonna make something that calls for three cups of lard.
06:21Ask for a cornbread recipe.
06:23What is it with you people? Why don't any of you believe me?
06:26Well, it's not that we don't want to believe you, Murphy. It's just that, well, you know...
06:31Well, believe it.
06:33She was on her best behavior and managed to monopolize the hostess the entire time.
06:38But that's okay.
06:39I really enjoyed listening to Cokie Roberts go on for two hours about her new water pit,
06:43how makes her gums feel alive.
06:47Hey, guys. How'd luncheon go?
06:49Beachhead cornbread lard.
06:51It went great.
06:53I give you the details, but it's been a long day and I've got a thank you note to write.
06:58So tell me, did Hillary seem upset about the whole socks thing?
07:01What whole socks thing?
07:02The Clinton's cat, Socks. He's missing. It was just on CNN.
07:06Oh, wow. Hold the presses. I think that's right up there with the Amy Carter dead goldfish scandal or the daring midnight escape of Trisha Nixon's turtle.
07:16Oh, it's a cat. He's probably under a dresser in the Lincoln bedroom coughing up a hairball as we skip.
07:28What?
07:29Murphy, you didn't find any chance.
07:35What?
07:41Oh, come on.
07:43Just because something bad happened at the White House and I happened to be there?
07:48You think I had something to do with it?
07:50It's not the only day for the first time.
07:54I don't believe this.
07:56What do you think I did?
07:57Stuff him in a closet?
07:59Leave a gate open?
08:00Kidnap him so I could blackmail the president for an interview?
08:03Oh, of course.
08:04But you did come up with those ideas awfully quickly.
08:09Well, you are some kind of friends.
08:11You know, my behavior at that luncheon was impeccable and I have got witnesses.
08:16I have a very good feeling about what I accomplished today.
08:19None of your suspicions or insinuations or missing cats can take that away from me.
08:26Good night.
08:33Frank.
08:43Get in here.
08:50I think you left.
08:51What's up?
08:52Close the door.
08:53Why?
08:54Close it, close it, close it.
08:58Now, Frank, I want you to listen to me and listen to me carefully.
09:01I'm going to show you something, but you have to promise me not to scream.
09:05Can you promise me that, Frank?
09:06Sure.
09:10Oh, my God, you did take the cat!
09:16You took the cat.
09:17I can't believe you took the cat.
09:19I didn't take the cat.
09:20You took the cat.
09:22No, I didn't.
09:24I didn't take the cat.
09:25I went down to the garage and got into my car, and the next thing I knew, there was just a wet, sandpapery tongue licking my neck.
09:32You took the cat!
09:34You were not listening to me.
09:35I didn't take the cat.
09:36Well, then how did it end up in your car?
09:38I don't know.
09:39It must have climbed in the window.
09:41It makes sense.
09:42If you were a cat, which car would you choose?
09:44My Porsche or Katie Couric's minivan with the dog hair all over the seat?
09:53You couldn't have just stolen a coaster you had to take?
09:57The President's cat?
09:59Will you stop saying that?
10:01And I just thought of something.
10:03Who even says this is the President's cat?
10:06I mean, just because the Clintons' cat is missing, and I happened to be at the White House today,
10:11and I happened to find this cat in my car, and he happens to have white feet, doesn't mean this cat is socks.
10:20Did you just answer his name?
10:22No, he didn't.
10:23Sure he did.
10:24He did not.
10:25That was just a coincidence.
10:26I'll prove it to you.
10:28Rocks?
10:30Locks?
10:32Socks?
10:33Meow!
10:39I kidnapped the President's cat!
10:43Murphy, ah, you are here.
10:45Say, I wanted to run something, but...
10:50What happened here?
10:52A kitten!
10:53I must say, I never pegged you as a cat lover, Murphy, but I...
10:59Oh, dear Lord.
11:02That's the President's cat.
11:04My God, woman, have you no shame.
11:10What is it with you people?
11:12I found him in my car! I didn't take him!
11:15Oh, sure, and John Wilkes' booth was only at Ford's Theatre because he couldn't get tickets to Fathom.
11:25Oh, Murphy, you're here.
11:27As are Frankie Jim.
11:29What's going on?
11:32Something secret I should...
11:33God, my allergies are going crazy!
11:45What have you got in here, a cat?
11:47Oh, my God!
11:48It sucks!
11:49You've got socks!
11:50Did I finally get you invited to Hillary's luncheon and this is how you repay me?
12:03You're evil.
12:04Will you calm down, Miles?
12:06Calm down, you're scaring the cat!
12:08So what?
12:09The cuddliest member of the Clinton family is wrapped up in the overcoat of my star reporter!
12:16What's the matter, Murphy?
12:17Was Hillary watching her purse too closely?
12:21Now, hold on a second, Miles.
12:23Murphy is a great reporter.
12:25Thank you, Frank.
12:26But star reporter?
12:27I-I-I don't think so.
12:32Now, it was my understanding that FYI was always a team effort.
12:36Oh, it's got bigger issues here!
12:38I am telling you it was an accident.
12:41He crawled into my car.
12:42I swear I didn't know about it.
12:44So, then you have to take him back.
12:46You have to take him back right now.
12:49I'm going to.
12:52You're not moving.
12:54I don't see him moving.
12:55Why aren't you moving?
12:57Because...
12:58suddenly I'm picturing myself at the door to the White House.
13:02I'm-I'm giving Hillary her little cat
13:04and chuckling over the irony of me of all people winding up with it.
13:08She's failing to see the irony and she's picking up the phone.
13:11The next thing I know, Janet Reno's roughing me up in the Rose Garden
13:14and daring me to push charges.
13:16Murphy, Murphy.
13:18Now, I can understand your paranoia about this,
13:20but the Clintons are very reasonable people.
13:22I think the truth is usually the best way to go.
13:26So, you think she'll just believe me and get a laugh over the whole thing?
13:30No.
13:32Murphy.
13:33Murphy, listen to me.
13:35Every minute you keep the cat, it's going to make it that much harder to explain.
13:39She's had the cat six hours.
13:40I think the ship's already sailed. I'm hard to explain.
13:43Am I working lonely?
13:46This is what I get for trying to kiss up to the First Lady.
13:49When this mangy cat came in from the Rose Garden with a dead bird in its mouth,
13:53did I shriek in horror like Mary Alice Williams?
13:56No. I had to pretend it was cute.
13:58Even when it started batting the head around under the table.
14:02I hate cats.
14:04It's ironic, isn't it?
14:05The way cats always seem to take a liking to people who don't like them.
14:09He doesn't like me, Jim. He's just trying to screw me over.
14:15Okay. Okay, I've got to take care of this.
14:19And I know just how to do it.
14:21Oh, Corky.
14:25Hi, Murphy. I thought you left.
14:31What are you all doing in here?
14:33Um, Corky, you are not going to believe what happened.
14:38Oh, my God. It sucks.
14:41I know.
14:43When I went down to the garage and saw him in your car,
14:46I was just as surprised as you.
14:48What do you mean?
14:49He was in my car?
14:51He must have crawled in when you were at the White House.
14:55Oh, I feel so bad.
14:58I just saw the Clintons crying on TV in all that time.
15:02I had no idea I was the one responsible for their pain.
15:07Oh, Corky, don't blame yourself too much, but you did too.
15:14Yeah, you did.
15:18You were so pretty.
15:20All alone in my car.
15:21No food, no water.
15:23The door's locked.
15:24Not a single window.
15:30Wait a minute.
15:33My doors were locked.
15:35How'd you get them out of my car, Murphy?
15:37Well, that is the darnedest thing.
15:42The key to my Porsche actually fit the lock of your Jeep Cherokee.
15:50You know, if I were you, I would call my dealer Paranto because they should not-
15:56Stop it!
15:57You kidnapped Socks and now you're trying to pin it on me.
16:02Oh, Corky.
16:04I guess we've discovered the limits to your friendship.
16:08Frank, take the cat back for me.
16:10What?
16:11I can't do it.
16:12I am this close to getting back into the White House.
16:15It's been 13 years.
16:17I can't blow it now.
16:19Please, Frank.
16:24Okay.
16:27Now, when they ask where you got him, what are you gonna say?
16:32Uh.
16:34Uh!
16:36Why didn't you say Murphy Brown stole your cat?
16:39Are you gonna take him back for me?
16:41Nobody who knows me can take him back.
16:44Those crafty Quintons will put the pieces together in no time.
16:48I've got to figure a way out of this.
16:51Think.
16:53Think.
16:54You're insane!
16:56Take the cat back!
16:59You're absolutely right.
17:02I-I just panicked.
17:03I wasn't thinking clearly.
17:05I just have to gather up my courage and do the right thing.
17:10Uh, what pray tell is that?
17:12I'm going to drive by the White House and fling him over the fence.
17:21Cats always land on their feet, right?
17:24Cats always land on their feet, right?
17:25Are you a virgin-dial?
17:26Oh!
17:27Wh-aw!
17:30Don't you have to dig your claws into me like that?
17:32It's not like I wasn't going to stop the car first.
17:34first come on don't hold the grudge just eat something with you the first family
17:46released a statement earlier expressing how moved they've been by the outpouring
17:50of concern over their missing pet and after nine hours an exhaustive search
17:55of the White House has failed to what's next nightline day 53 a nation waits and
18:08worries this one says new friskier taste it's got
18:24egg beef chicken byproducts manganese sulfate you know nothing says frisky
18:33like manganese sulfate just to buy it how do you know you don't like it if you don't try
18:43it unbelievable the same cat I had to stop from drinking out of the toilet bowl is
18:49turning up his nose at three dollar a canned cat food let me give it a shot now this always seems
18:55to work with Avery eat all your food the wit may look like dreck and you will grow tall
19:02unlike Toulouse love track that's how you get my kid to eat no wonder there's food all over the
19:10kitchen walls I can't believe this is happening to me the way things are going Nixon's gonna be back
19:18at the White House before I am forgive me for asking the obvious question but why don't you
19:29just take the little fella back take him back Ellen if I do I'll be blacklisted from the White House for
19:35the rest of the Clinton administration so don't take him back I don't take him back the cat doesn't need
19:40the cat starves oh so take him back I take him back I'll be a joke I'll never be able to have lunch
19:45in this town without someone sending over a bowl of tender vittles so don't take him back Ellen this
19:51isn't really helping so take him back oh then I should have just taken him back when I first found
19:57him now I've had him a day and a half tonight how am I gonna explain that I don't know but if you plan
20:03on keeping him I think that I should point out that cat fur has a tendency to get into paint not to
20:12mention that there are those in the Bernicke family that believe late at night when everyone is sleeping
20:19cats secretly run our electrical appliances
20:23I'll hide the blender thanks
20:31socks
20:38you're all right Murphy where is you know who he's at the office
20:46Murphy thought he looked a little homesick so she's showing him pictures of the Clintons
20:50last you were right I should have brought him back when I first found him I had at least half a dozen
20:58times when I could have done it but each time I convinced myself I waited too long so you're gonna
21:03take him back now I can't I waited too long
21:06Murphy would you do me a favor take this knife and plunge it into my chest
21:13because that'll be a lot less painful and quicker than what you're putting me through now
21:21god I've really done it this time I just kept stalling hoping for some divine intervention to get me
21:29through it it's not gonna happen is it it ends here miles I'm taking him back you mean it oh yeah what
21:38choice do I have he's miserable I can't get him to eat the only thing worse than being caught with the
21:42president's cat is being caught with the president's dead cat
21:49don't you even think it
21:52it's time to face the music
21:56I've made my bed and I'm going to lie in it
22:00yep it's time to pay the piper
22:06oh hi Joan where were you going in such a hurry
22:16uh nowhere why what have you heard
22:18nothing oh I wanted to tell you I was so impressed with you at the White House luncheon
22:23you were gracious and well-mannered and nobody had to lead you away in handcuffs
22:27yes cute London I can see why America loves to wake up to you
22:31um well see you at the next White House function
22:35actually that's where I'm headed right now
22:37Hillary and I just hit it off so well she asked me back for a one-on-one interview
22:41she did?
22:43mhm
22:43I guess I'm really lucky you know I've always had such good relationships with presidents and first ladies
22:49maybe it's because I don't push them in the mud
22:52hey I didn't push you
22:53I know mud gravity I've heard it I've heard it
22:55you know Hillary almost cancelled this interview when she heard about socks disappearing
23:00isn't that a sad story?
23:02oh yeah it's a real tragedy
23:03um well listen have a good time at the White House
23:06that is where you're going right?
23:11yeah
23:12good old 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
23:15and just drive through those gates and past the guards and onto the ground?
23:19well I thought a helicopter would be a little showy
23:21um
23:24so tell me Joe
23:27what kind of rental car is the old alphabet network springing for these days?
23:32Chrysler LeBaron
23:33oh you know I think I saw it
23:36it's the um black one across the street right?
23:38no it's a summer one it's right outside
23:40oh yeah that's what I meant
23:41um
23:42excuse me I just remembered I owe Ruth Bader Ginsburg a call
23:46okay
23:47Miles!
23:50hi!
23:51Joe!
23:51hi!
23:52hi!
23:52uh how have you been?
23:54terrific
23:54good to see you
23:55you would have been so proud of Murphy at the White House luncheon
23:59oh yeah
24:00real proud
24:01ready to burst
24:02gotta go
24:02Corky
24:05listen to me
24:06grab the cat and a lockpick in my top floor and meet me outside Phil's by a silver LeBaron
24:12and Corky
24:13hurry
24:14socks is going home
24:16and there was a joyous reunion
24:22people say Murphy Brown captured the 90's zeitgeist
24:26what does that mean to you?
24:29that means a lot
24:30and look we tapped into something
24:31no no I'm sorry
24:32the word zeitgeist
24:33do you have any idea what it means?
24:35oh no no no no no
24:37in our nation's capital
24:42you