98.7 The Shark DAVE & CHUCK UNCUT 2022
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FunTranscript
00:00Dave and Chuck the Freak
00:10What's up you fucking cunts?
00:15Oh my god
00:17Jesus
00:18Why that?
00:22Why that?
00:23I don't know
00:23I know that you have your Irish upbringing
00:26That word is okay
00:28If you haven't guessed yet
00:39This is Dave and Chuck Uncut
00:41A special release podcast
00:43Where as you just heard
00:44You're going to hear us completely uncensored
00:46It's the second one of these
00:48That we've done
00:49And out of the gate
00:52I figured I'd just
00:53What was that?
00:55What the hell is a cut?
00:57What's crazy about this
00:58This thing is like
00:59Okay so like a lot of people always ask me
01:01Like how do you not swear on the air?
01:03Yes
01:03It's because like we've conditioned our brains
01:06So hard not to swear
01:08Absolutely we have
01:09So in here it's like
01:10I'm like
01:10Yeah I know
01:13And even that
01:13I'm like oh my god
01:15Yeah
01:16Jason's kind of having a rough day
01:21Oh yeah
01:22James
01:22Can you put the mic on
01:23And just let him
01:24Yeah
01:25We had issues getting this
01:28Everything fired up
01:29Hey Jason
01:30Hi Jason
01:31What's up bud
01:33What's up fuckers
01:34How's stuff going?
01:35You had some tough times
01:37Getting stuff loaded
01:37And getting us ready to do this huh?
01:39It seems like every fucking time
01:41You do something like this
01:42Some shit goes down
01:44It's all fucked
01:46It doesn't work
01:47Yeah I know
01:47And then Dave awkwardly stares at me
01:50Through the door
01:51Yeah
01:51When he's the one
01:52Hey any fucking minute now
01:53If you want to get this going
01:55Big gay Jay
01:57Come on
01:57Yeah
01:58Suck my ass
01:59Oh wow
01:59Oh wow
02:00Big gay Jay
02:01Janus gracious
02:02Cut that
02:03Send that to human resources
02:04Yeah
02:05There we go
02:06Now relax
02:07Did you like the song we played
02:08At the beginning of this whole thing?
02:10No I fucking hate that guy
02:10That led you to have a breakdown
02:13During that segment
02:14When we were trying to figure out
02:15What that song was years ago
02:16You almost had a breakdown
02:17Yeah
02:17Yeah
02:18I talked to maybe
02:193,000 people that day
02:21Yep
02:22That all thought they heard it
02:23From a certain place
02:24Yeah
02:24And then
02:25Everyone was wrong
02:26And then
02:26You're right
02:27Days
02:27Weeks
02:28Months to come
02:28People still called in about it
02:30Glad we could play it
02:31So that's for you
02:32That was for you
02:33Yeah
02:33I'm sweating here
02:34Yeah I know
02:35It's alright
02:35It'll be alright
02:36Alright
02:36Enjoy yourselves
02:37Thank you
02:38And you as well
02:39Dave and Chuck Uncut
02:40Is what you're listening to
02:42So we're gonna work through
02:42Some stuff over the next hour or so
02:44And get to be completely
02:46Uncensored
02:48And I don't know why I'm doing this
02:50Oh my god
02:51I don't either
02:51But I figured that we would get started today
02:54With a very special guest
02:56And that is
02:57My mom
02:58Linda Hunter
02:59Hi Linda
03:01Hi
03:02Hi mom
03:03How are you
03:04Hi darling
03:05I'm good
03:06How you doing
03:06I'm doing okay
03:07Your phone sounds like it's from the 1920s
03:10What happened
03:12Dave
03:12Really
03:13Yes
03:13Is everything alright with it
03:15Are you on a cordless phone
03:16What's happening
03:16I'm on my long line
03:19Oh
03:20It sounds terrible
03:21It's Linda
03:21It literally is
03:22That thing sounds like shit
03:25I can tell it's Dave's mom
03:28Because he's not berating her
03:29Yeah
03:29That's very rude
03:31Chuck that's very rude
03:33Oh I know
03:34I'm so abandoned
03:35Oh man
03:39Well these are the phones
03:41That my son David
03:43You know he doesn't
03:45Yeah
03:45He doesn't spend a lot of money on phones
03:47Oh my god
03:48You bastards
03:49I totally do
03:50You know I'm gonna be honest
03:51I told him
03:52I was like
03:52You know
03:53You should probably get your
03:54Mom and dad the good phones
03:56And he said
03:57Fuck that
03:57I'm not getting them good phones
03:58Oh he's such a fucking liar mom
04:00No
04:00He did
04:01I remember
04:02He showed me the link
04:03I would not believe that
04:05Of you
04:06As you know
04:07Yes mom
04:08Thank you
04:08I'm sure
04:09I'm sure
04:10So mom
04:10I could have told you
04:12On my new phone
04:14That's right
04:15She just got her first ever cell phone
04:17Maybe that would have sounded better
04:19Yeah
04:19Maybe
04:20Yeah
04:21Should I call you on that
04:22Yes call her right now
04:24On that fancy cell phone
04:25If she's
04:26If she
04:27Cause this line
04:28It sounds like
04:29Let's just hang up now
04:31And we'll call you back
04:32We're calling you
04:33We're gonna call you
04:34We're gonna talk right away
04:35Oh I hope it works
04:36I'm sorry guys
04:37That's okay
04:38It's not your fault
04:38Don't worry about it
04:39That's fine
04:39Alright hold on here
04:40Dave's a shitty
04:41Hang up
04:42Dave's my number
04:43I have your number mom
04:45Alright hold on
04:46Hey hold on
04:47Hold on
04:47You guys
04:49I just wanna hang up
04:49Alright
04:50Okay see you later
04:51What are you talking about
04:52You just swore in front of your mom
04:54I know
04:55It's really weird
04:56It's really weird
04:57I don't like it
04:58But it has to happen
04:59I don't ever swear in front of my
05:00I have to
05:01I gotta be honest with her
05:02I don't
05:03I'm not
05:03I don't do that
05:03Wow you don't swear in front of your mom
05:04I don't swear in front of my parents either
05:06That's why if I talk to my dad
05:08He'd be like
05:08What the fuck
05:09She didn't seem shocked
05:10I swear in front of my parents
05:11All the time now
05:11This goes just as well
05:13On this podcast
05:14As it does
05:15Yeah
05:15Live
05:16So let's
05:17Yeah this is it
05:17Dave's mom's got a cell phone
05:18Does she know how to find porn yet
05:19Okay
05:20I'll teach her
05:21This could be
05:21Let's see
05:22Let's hope she picks up
05:23Oh I hope it's okay
05:24I don't know
05:24She even knows how to work it
05:25David
05:27Hello
05:29Oh that sounds so great
05:31That's better
05:32Can you hear us okay
05:33I can hear you
05:35Yes
05:36Okay perfect
05:37So mom we wanted to have you on this podcast today
05:40Because as you know
05:41This is a chance for us to be completely uncensored
05:43We can say whatever we want
05:45And you know swear
05:46Do anything
05:47But what got me interested in talking to you
05:50During this version of the show
05:52Okay
05:52Is that how filthy
05:55Their mouths are in Ireland
05:57Well it's like another word
06:00Like it's
06:01No
06:02Oh mom
06:04The phone
06:05The phone is cutting out
06:06What happened
06:08The phone is cutting out
06:09It's not your fault
06:10It has nothing to do with you mom
06:12It's just
06:12This is the worst
06:12Technology
06:14We were bombing
06:14You were bombing
06:15I don't understand what's going on here
06:17We're going to roll a fucking shit show
06:18It's a shit show
06:19Oh no
06:22Should we go back to the line
06:23Yeah I think so
06:24Mom we're going to have to call you back on the landline
06:25Let's give it another try
06:27Are we just calling
06:28Hang up here
06:28We'll call you back
06:29You're killing time
06:30Okay I'll call you on the landline
06:32Goodbye
06:32Bye
06:33Will we talk to Dave's mom
06:35Oh my god
06:35This is ridiculous
06:36We just want to talk to her about her dirty books
06:40I know
06:41I just want to hear her say the C word
06:43Holy fucking shit
06:44This is insane technology
06:46This is it
06:48Yeah fuck it
06:49Do it live
06:50Fuck it
06:51We'll do it live
06:52Let's hope this is better
06:53It's not
06:54Or I'm just walking out
06:55Dave Hedler's mom
06:56No
06:56Hi mom
06:57That's so much better
06:58Yeah
06:58Yes mom
06:59Okay well let's talk about swearing in Ireland
07:01Like they have filthy mouths
07:02Right
07:03Filthy
07:03Oh filthy
07:05But they don't realize
07:07It doesn't seem that way to them
07:10I mean I grew up there
07:13Until I was like 28
07:15My family
07:16Even my mom used the worst word
07:19Word word in my dictionary
07:21Like which is what mom
07:23Which is what
07:23Tell us what that is
07:24See you next Tuesday
07:26No you gotta say it
07:27No say it
07:27I have to say the words
07:29Yeah
07:29Say it mom
07:31You're allowed
07:32Oh lord Jesus
07:33Have mercy on me
07:35Go ahead
07:37Cunt
07:38But it's said in a playful manner
07:44Over there a lot of times
07:45It's like oh you dirty wee cunt
07:47But you're just like saying
07:48Oh my god
07:49Little kids say it
07:51That are like
07:51Seven years nine
07:53That's what I'm saying
07:55So I have little cousins
07:56And when I went back to Ireland
07:57As a teenager
07:58I had little cousins
07:59Fuck yeah you cunt
07:59They're like fuck yeah we cunt
08:00And I'm like what the hell
08:02I couldn't believe it
08:03See over there it's okay
08:04Right it doesn't mean the same to them
08:07And I know that sounds crazy
08:08But if you grew up just calling
08:10Like instead of saying bastard
08:11Or you know jerk
08:12Yeah yeah
08:12They say cunt
08:13Yeah
08:13Right that's just how they say it
08:15Here it's like one of the worst words
08:17You could ever say to someone
08:18Yes
08:18It's not the same over there
08:20It's bad
08:21What are the other words
08:21Like twat
08:22They say twat a lot right
08:23Yeah
08:25Twanker
08:26Twat
08:27Well wanker
08:29Yeah like wankers
08:31And you know
08:34Sitting in a bar one time
08:36And we were home on holiday
08:37And I was so amused
08:41By the conversations
08:43That were going
08:44You know around me
08:45This guy walked in
08:47You know face straight
08:48So serious
08:50And he walked up
08:51To this table of guys
08:52And he goes
08:53Hey you you lazy bastard
08:56How you doing
08:58And nobody was offended
09:00Because it was
09:01That's how they
09:03That's how they talk
09:03That's the way they communicate
09:04But they
09:05But here's the funny thing
09:06Here's the funny thing about that
09:08So they say all these words
09:09Like cunt and twat
09:10And wanker
09:10But then
09:11When they're talking about
09:13Like say a lady's private parts
09:15They'll say her bingo card
09:16Well
09:19They'll say
09:20She got her bingo cards
09:22Stunk last night
09:24Or
09:24You know
09:27There wasn't even enough
09:28Water in that bath
09:29To add her bingo card
09:31You know
09:31Right so
09:33But they won't say
09:34Like vagina
09:35No
09:36Or pussy
09:37They'll say
09:38Bingo card
09:39No
09:41Yeah
09:43Now listen
09:45Vagina today
09:45I'm is like
09:46That's a
09:48I was going to say
09:49That's a pussy word
09:50But you know
09:51Only losers say vagina
09:55Yeah
09:56Can you hear me
09:57Yeah
09:58It's just
09:58It's just
09:59Real bad mom
09:59It sounds like
10:00We're calling you
10:00Back in 1974
10:02Because these phones
10:04Were installed in 74
10:05I'm almost surprised
10:07Dave hasn't just
10:08Tried to call her
10:08On his own cell
10:09Well I will
10:10I could
10:10But it would probably
10:11Be clearer
10:12I tell ya
10:12It would be clearer
10:13You just hang
10:14Hold it up to the microphone
10:16Yeah
10:16I just wonder
10:17Where she is too
10:18Like if there's a
10:19Maybe a better place
10:20For her to go
10:21In her house
10:21For the cell
10:22Or something
10:23This is a tragedy
10:23That's the landline
10:24It sounds better already
10:26We'll see
10:27Watch
10:27We'll see
10:28As soon as she answers
10:29Yep
10:29Hello
10:32Hi mom
10:33Oh my god
10:35That's brilliant
10:36There you go
10:36Oh so much better
10:38I'm holding my cell phone
10:39Up to the microphone
10:40It's un-fucking-believable
10:41This is absolutely
10:42The show that is on
10:44In countries
10:45And
10:46Yeah no
10:47It's crazy
10:47It's absolutely crazy
10:48Mom I want to talk to you
10:49About something else too
10:50So dad was in a
10:52Dad was in a marching band
10:53Yes
10:54And
10:55It seems like
10:57If he had been single
10:58He would have got
10:59All the bitches
11:00Like ladies go
11:01It's hard to believe
11:02I've tried to explain
11:03Oh my god
11:04I know but listen
11:05It's hard
11:05It's hard to explain
11:07To these guys
11:07Because it was like
11:08He played the flute
11:09In a marching band
11:10Which seems
11:11Totally lame
11:12It seems lame
11:13But in Ireland
11:14That was like
11:15They were rock stars
11:16They were the most
11:18Popular band
11:20Ever
11:21Bigger than you too
11:23He was like
11:24Looking and
11:24Listening to them
11:25Because they were
11:26So good
11:27And you know
11:28The guy at the front
11:29That throws up the
11:30Baton thingy
11:31Cold thing
11:32And he does all
11:33These bouncy steps
11:34And he catches it
11:35Behind his back
11:36And all
11:37Yeah
11:37They were
11:38They were
11:39Brilliant
11:39They're still
11:41They're still there
11:42There's like
11:43All young ones
11:44And everything
11:44Were you ever jealous
11:46At the attention
11:46He got from the ladies
11:48When he was in the
11:48Marching band
11:49I could handle
11:52The ladies
11:52David
11:53Yes
11:54It takes a certain
11:56Kind of woman
11:58I was the bodyguard
12:00Right
12:00Yeah
12:01We used to dance
12:03Along with the band
12:05Away to
12:06You know
12:07Every 12th of July
12:08They walk
12:09They call it
12:10Walking to the sea
12:11But it's this maze
12:12And maze
12:13Where all the bands
12:15Meet
12:15And they have
12:17A few beers
12:18And different
12:18And you see them
12:19All staggering home
12:21And to walk
12:22Down the road
12:22They had this uniform
12:23Which was the red
12:24Uniform
12:25And it was the
12:26Sexiest
12:27Best uniform
12:28They ever had
12:29I don't know
12:29I'm going to show
12:30These guys
12:31What it looks like
12:31Oh I want to see it
12:33Yeah
12:33So
12:34So
12:35You
12:36Walked down the road
12:38Taking his arm
12:39With his uniform
12:40Like
12:41It was like
12:42One of the big deals
12:43Right
12:45It was a big deal
12:46Like you felt
12:47Yeah
12:47Like that's the uniforms
12:48You guys
12:49Man
12:49Those are just
12:50A bunch of ladies
12:51It's like a nutcracker
12:52It is kind of like
12:54Are they laughing
12:55At my husband
12:56No
12:56Just in the uniform
12:58The uniform
12:59That is
13:00I guess you had
13:02To live in the time
13:03That's it
13:04I think that's it
13:05Bands got different
13:06You know
13:07Became different
13:08Beauty comes in all
13:08Different forms
13:10That's true
13:10You're right mom
13:11That's true
13:11Okay here's
13:12Go ahead Chuck
13:12I will say though
13:14Like I feel like
13:15It was
13:17Hard
13:19Like Dave's dad
13:22Is kind of a lady killer
13:24But he's never
13:26Been that way
13:26But he's charming
13:28He's good looking
13:29Like it must have
13:31Been tough
13:32Better watch it
13:32Linda
13:33Chuck likes your
13:34I don't mind him
13:35He's a tall glass
13:37Of water
13:38Chuck's out for dad
13:39Look out
13:40Chuck's my new
13:41Stepdad
13:41That's gonna make
13:43His day
13:43Yeah I know
13:44I knew it
13:46I'm sure
13:46I knew it would
13:47Okay
13:48All right
13:48Chuck makes
13:49Dave call him
13:49Gary
13:49Holy shit
13:51He had girls
13:52Going crazy for him
13:54Yeah
13:54They all did
13:56Yes
13:57He looks like
13:58Rod Stewart
13:59Yeah
13:59All right
14:00Oh Rod Stewart
14:02Yeah
14:03That girl followed him
14:04From Scotland
14:05All the way home
14:06Mom can you
14:07Can you give me
14:13A little bit of
14:14Do you think
14:14I'm sexy
14:15Your favorite song
14:16You and my dad's
14:17Favorite song
14:18Oh my lord
14:19Do you know
14:19I can't think
14:20You can totally
14:21Just try it
14:21Just try it
14:23If you think
14:26I'm sexy
14:27And you want
14:29My body
14:30Tell me baby
14:31Something something
14:32Something
14:33By then
14:34She was already
14:35Making out with him
14:36Yeah that's true
14:37Oh yeah
14:38I mean
14:38Johnson does that
14:40Oh brilliant
14:42Linda are you still
14:43Reading dirty books
14:45Oh of course
14:48People will tell you
14:49He has to pay for them
14:50Yeah
14:51That's unfortunate
14:52What are you reading
14:53Right now
14:54Anything good
14:54It says
14:58Thank you dear
15:00For your order
15:01Of reverse harem
15:03Yeah so they all
15:05Come under my name
15:05And so it looks like
15:06I'm ordering all these
15:07What is it
15:08The reverse harem
15:10What's the reverse harem
15:11About
15:11Well it is about
15:14The lead female
15:19In it right
15:20Yes
15:20Stacia's joining
15:21In this university
15:23Or college
15:23All these guys
15:25You know usually
15:26The ones who run
15:27The school
15:27You know
15:28Yeah
15:28And she gets
15:30Involved with them
15:32Through the course
15:33Of the book
15:34They all
15:35Founcier
15:36She fancies them
15:37So it could be
15:38Three guys
15:39It could be five guys
15:41At one time
15:42What?
15:42She can be with them
15:45At one time
15:46Yes
15:46All together
15:47Like
15:48Yeah
15:49Or just
15:51One or two of them
15:53Yeah but
15:54But most of the time
15:56Five
15:56Yes
15:58Yeah
15:59Yep
16:01Yes
16:01This one
16:02This one
16:03This one that I recognize
16:04Kind of lame
16:05It's only three
16:06Three guys
16:06Oh my god
16:08That's kind of lame
16:09You said
16:09Yeah lame
16:10No it's not lame
16:12The author of these books
16:14Who is the best one
16:16I was at the reverse
16:17Harem
16:18Is called
16:19Oh lord
16:21I can't even remember
16:21Name
16:22So this is like
16:23A whole genre
16:24Of books
16:25It's the opposite
16:25Of harem
16:26A group of males
16:27Centering around
16:27A singular female
16:28Usually three or more males
16:30Quite often found
16:31Under the romance genre
16:32Yes
16:33So this is a type
16:35Of book
16:36This is like
16:36Yeah
16:37This is a type
16:38Of book
16:39Like a type
16:40Of
16:41This is what
16:43I mean
16:44When I first started
16:45Reading these books
16:46I thought
16:46Oh my god
16:47What did I come across
16:48It was Fifty Shades
16:49Right
16:50Yeah
16:50And I went
16:51Oh I can read
16:53These dirty books
16:54And nobody knows
16:55Or some on the Kindle
16:57And in my bedroom
16:58Yes
16:59And then I get a call
17:00From David
17:01On the radio
17:03Of course
17:03Yeah
17:04And he outs me
17:05To everybody
17:06Okay
17:06Mom is there anything
17:08You want to tell me
17:09And it all
17:11It all came out
17:12In the wash
17:12Mom let me ask you this
17:14Is have you read
17:15Any situations
17:16In these books
17:16That you didn't
17:17Understand
17:17Like any sexual acts
17:19That you had
17:19Never heard of
17:20Oh no
17:21I know them all
17:22Oh my god
17:22Yes
17:23Yes
17:24Yes
17:25Mom
17:25Yes
17:26If you read
17:27Enough
17:28Of them
17:28Yes
17:29You're gonna know
17:30Yeah
17:31There's nothing
17:32There's nothing
17:32That you were like
17:32Oh I've never
17:33Heard of that
17:34Before
17:34Well
17:36That's when he
17:38Happened to me
17:38A couple of times
17:39Right
17:40Probably a blumpkin
17:41You know
17:41You know
17:41Like the
17:42The DP
17:43Right
17:44Oh yes
17:45But you
17:46Double penetration
17:47Mom
17:47She's got
17:48That's old hat
17:49Now
17:49I've never heard of that
17:50Before
17:51I didn't think it was
17:52possible
17:52Well
17:53Good mom
17:54Thank god mom
17:56David
17:58It's not that I
17:59Try these things
18:00Okay
18:01Yes
18:01I know
18:02You're terrible
18:05Me
18:06Yes
18:07Me
18:07He is
18:08He is
18:09Jesus
18:10You're terrible
18:10Yep
18:11David
18:12I may be old
18:14Yes
18:14But in my mind
18:16Young
18:17Very highly sexed
18:18Female
18:18Oh my god
18:20Yes
18:20Oh my god
18:21Fuck off
18:23Don't tell your mom
18:24Not you mom
18:25I mean
18:26Just the whole
18:27Thought of it
18:27He did
18:29He didn't tell you
18:30He did it in an
18:31Irish way
18:32Can you help it
18:32No
18:33You can't help it
18:35You can't help it
18:36Mom
18:36You know where dad
18:37Gets it from
18:37Yes
18:38You have to say
18:40Though mom
18:40You hardly ever
18:41Hear me swear
18:42Never
18:44No
18:44Very very seldom
18:46Unless there's like
18:48Your cousins are
18:49Visiting or something
18:50Like that
18:51Yeah
18:51Yeah
18:52Then it's different
18:52Then I speak with
18:53The Irish folks
18:54So one more thing
18:55Here for you
18:55Because we talked
18:56About this on the
18:56Show last week
18:57That can you
18:58Imagine being
18:59In the dating
19:00World right now
19:01How that would
19:02Be
19:02What
19:03What I've read
19:05And what I've
19:06Heard on TV
19:07Were 13 and
19:1014 year olds
19:11Are saying
19:11They were being
19:12Interviewed by
19:13Some TV show
19:15And they were
19:17Saying that
19:18Oral sex
19:19Is just like
19:21A good night
19:22Kiss
19:22Oh my god
19:23Mom
19:23Oh my lord
19:25Anyone takes that
19:26Clip down
19:26I will kill them
19:27Honest to god
19:29That's a warning
19:30No I'm telling you
19:31You'll be dead
19:32Alright mom
19:33But I'm talking
19:34About you
19:34As a senior citizen
19:36Can you imagine
19:37Be like
19:38Have to be
19:39In the dating world
19:39Now
19:40Because we had
19:40This study
19:41That said
19:41I would never
19:42That's never
19:43Going to happen
19:43No it wouldn't
19:44I can't even
19:45I can't imagine
19:47Because David
19:48Like think of it
19:49Your dad and I
19:50Did it for four years
19:52Before we got married
19:53I was only 15
19:54And I started dating him
19:55And he was 17
19:56Yeah
19:57Now the thought
19:59You know it's not like
20:00You could get
20:01That you couldn't get
20:02The pill without
20:02Your parents
20:03Approval
20:06Okaying it
20:07You know
20:07We had to get that
20:08And
20:09Terrified
20:11You know
20:11That you'd get pregnant
20:13So it was always
20:14Fading against
20:16What should have
20:17Be natural thing
20:18Right
20:19Yes
20:19The big fear now
20:20Is that all these
20:21Seniors are getting
20:22Gonorrhea and chlamydia
20:23And other STDs
20:25In the
20:27In the
20:28Not old folks home
20:29But what is it
20:30Where they go
20:31Yes
20:31Yes
20:32Retirement community
20:33Or whatever
20:33Yeah
20:35And the man
20:37See there's more women
20:38Than there is man
20:39Yeah
20:40So the men
20:41Have their choice
20:42Of all the women
20:43And they still
20:44Have this
20:45Highly sexed
20:47Thing going on
20:48Yes
20:49It's called Viagra
20:49They're thinking
20:50They don't need
20:51You know
20:52Birth control
20:54Because they're all
20:55Ancient
20:55Yes
20:56And he goes
20:57From one house
20:59Or one room
21:00Should I say
21:01And the next night
21:02He's with another woman
21:03Or different women
21:04At the same time
21:06At the same night
21:07That's pretty hot
21:08Though right
21:08They're all getting
21:09Gonorrhea
21:10See she knows
21:11Mom knows
21:12She knows
21:12You want to tell her
21:13Yeah you
21:14I wasn't sure
21:15If you would know this
21:16Well actually I thought
21:16You would
21:17I wasn't sure
21:17If dad would know
21:18But that's exactly
21:20What's happening
21:20They're all getting
21:21All sorts of
21:21Sexually transmitted
21:22Diseases
21:23Because they're all
21:23Whoring around
21:24In their senior life
21:26Yeah I tried
21:27To fill your father
21:28In and all these
21:29Things but I think
21:30It was in one
21:31Air and in the other
21:31Yes
21:32Yeah
21:32But it wouldn't
21:34Be bad if he
21:35Tied you up
21:35One night
21:36Oh my god
21:37Alright we'll
21:38Have to end it
21:38Then
21:39He said it
21:40Wouldn't be bad
21:41If he tied you
21:42Up one night
21:43Don't you
21:44Mom
21:45Yeah
21:46Yeah
21:47Exactly
21:51Exactly
21:53Dave
21:54We're gonna let you
21:55Go then mom
21:56Well I'm sorry
21:59It's been a
21:59Disappointment
22:00Oh don't be
22:01Great
22:02You were awesome
22:03And it was just
22:04Technical issues
22:05Which we always have
22:06On this stupid
22:06Fucking show
22:07But thank you mom
22:08So much
22:09Thank you my darling
22:11And don't hate me
22:12Just because
22:13I'm sexy
22:14Okay
22:14Oh my god
22:15That's true
22:16I won't
22:17Oh my lord
22:18Don't ever say that
22:19To me again
22:20Alright I love you mom
22:21Bye
22:21Bye
22:22Bye
22:24See ya
22:25Okay bye bye
22:26Tell David I said hi
22:27Bye love
22:28Bye
22:28Okay there's
22:30Don't hate me
22:31Because I'm sexy
22:32Jesus
22:32I got a lot of clips
22:34From this
22:34Holy hell
22:35Oh my goodness
22:36Ridiculous
22:37Jesus Dave
22:37Holy fuck
22:38That is crazy
22:39So they definitely
22:40Tied each other up
22:41Yeah okay
22:42Find some light spankings
22:43For sure
22:43Ridiculous
22:46Heavy heavy
22:46Holy crap
22:47I mean that's
22:48Did you guys know
22:48That there was such a
22:49Thing as this
22:50Fucking reverse harem
22:51Sorta
22:52No
22:53Like it's a whole
22:54Category of
22:55Oh I didn't know
22:55It would be like a
22:56Category
22:56You know what happened
22:57To her
22:57She went deeper
22:58And deeper
22:59Into this world
23:00It started off
23:01You guys
23:02She reads a couple
23:03Of books a week
23:04Yeah she is
23:05Such a
23:06Like a
23:07Psycho beast
23:08Yeah that's one
23:09Psycho beast
23:11Psycho beast
23:11Yes
23:12The honky vampire one
23:14Looks interesting
23:14Down below
23:15The thing
23:17The thing is
23:18Like you know
23:19You've heard Dave
23:20Talk about how
23:21Dave loves to read
23:22Yeah
23:22And you generally
23:24Get that from somewhere
23:25Like obviously
23:25Dave's mom
23:27Loves to read
23:28It's just that
23:29She went down
23:30This
23:30This lane
23:32Yeah
23:32While we're talking
23:33About swearing
23:34Which I was with
23:35My mom there
23:36In Ireland
23:36They have a study
23:38Out about
23:39America's favorite
23:40Cuss word
23:40And of course
23:41It's fuck
23:41Yeah
23:42Of course
23:42The F word
23:45Is by far
23:46The best word
23:48Here were their choices
23:49They asked everyone
23:50Around the country
23:51You could pick
23:52From the following
23:52Ass
23:53Asshole
23:54Badass
23:55Bastard
23:55Bitch
23:56Bloody
23:56Bullshit
23:57Cock
23:58Crap
23:58Cumb
23:59Cunt
23:59Damn
24:00Dick
24:01Dickhead
24:01Douche
24:02Douchebag
24:03Fuck
24:03Hell
24:04Moron
24:04Motherfucker
24:05Prick
24:06Pussy
24:06Scum
24:07Shit
24:08Slut
24:08Twat
24:09Wanker
24:09Whore
24:10Oh
24:10Did they have
24:11Cocksucker in there
24:11They had cock
24:13But not
24:13Cocksucker
24:14Yeah
24:16So when they
24:18Boiled it all down
24:19And they got
24:20The responses
24:20Georgia residents
24:23Are the most
24:24Profane
24:25Really
24:26They say
24:27They swear
24:28The most
24:28And here's
24:30A map
24:31Of the US
24:31With everyone's
24:33Favorite
24:33They really broke
24:34It down
24:34Yeah they did
24:35So
24:35They based
24:36This part
24:37On how many
24:38Swear words
24:39Are in tweets
24:39From those states
24:40So Georgia
24:42Had 48 curse words
24:43Per 1,000 posts
24:45Michigan has 34
24:47Florida 33
24:48South Carolina
24:4929
24:51It seems like
24:52Massachusetts 34
24:53In those
24:54In the 30 range
24:55Seems to be around
24:56What I'd say is normal
24:58And then you get up
25:00Into the
25:0048s
25:01And the 45s
25:03They swear the least
25:03In Minneapolis
25:04What do they got
25:05To swear about
25:06New York
25:07Amazingly
25:08Boise
25:08And Durham
25:10North Carolina
25:11New York
25:11Swears the least
25:12That's crazy
25:13But it's in tweets
25:14In tweets
25:15But even then
25:15You'd think
25:16But like in real life
25:17They must get
25:18All their swearing in
25:19Or it's a lot
25:20Of professional people
25:21In New York
25:21That can't swear
25:22Maybe
25:22I just
25:22Cross the street
25:24In the wrong spot
25:24In New York
25:24And they're telling you
25:25You're a fucking moron
25:26Piece of shit
25:26Yeah that's so true
25:27Oh I love saying
25:28Piece of shit
25:29You're a piece of shit
25:31You piece of shit
25:32I do like that too
25:34Oh yeah
25:34Oh you piece of shit
25:36That's when I bust out
25:37On the roads
25:38When I'm on the roads
25:39Somebody's like
25:40Driving in front of me
25:41I'm like
25:41Oh you're a fucking
25:42Piece of shit
25:43You're a fucking
25:45Real piece of shit
25:46You're a
25:46Motherfucking piece of shit
25:49I had a guy
25:50Like almost
25:50Hit me in my car
25:52The other day
25:53And I was like
25:53Oh you're a real
25:54Fucking piece of shit
25:55I really wish
25:57You'd stop
25:57Your fucking living
25:58You know that
25:59I'm about done
26:00With you being alive
26:01You fucking
26:01Piece of shit
26:03Piece of absolute shit
26:05Sorry I just forgot
26:05To put my indicator on man
26:07I know
26:08He has no idea
26:09That I'm going through
26:10All this
26:10Right beside him
26:11Yeah if you pulled up
26:12Next to me
26:12And be like
26:13Hey man
26:13Yeah I know
26:13I was like
26:14Oh you probably
26:14Could really kick my ass
26:15As far as I know
26:17In here you can't hear me
26:19Yeah
26:19So fuck is number one
26:22In terms of
26:22The swear word we love the most
26:23Fuck in Michigan
26:24Fuck in Massachusetts
26:26Shit in Florida
26:27Bitch in South Carolina
26:29In Indiana
26:33It's motherfucker
26:33Good for you
26:34Oh Indiana
26:35Bring it in
26:36That's their favorite
26:38Swear word
26:38Is motherfucker
26:39Hell in Rhode Island
26:41Come on
26:41That's it
26:42That's all you have
26:43Hell
26:43What about Idaho
26:45It's crap
26:46Crap
26:47Stop it
26:48Crap can't even be
26:49On the list
26:50Crap
26:50Oh crap
26:52In Iowa
26:53It's pussy
26:53Yeah
26:55I won't even say that
26:57On this
26:57I'm not even on this
26:58Did you say cunt
27:02No
27:03I won't
27:04No she's not saying that
27:05No I won't say that
27:07What's shocking to me
27:08Is that I always thought
27:09Like in all of our
27:11Travels together
27:12That if I had to pick
27:14Lisa's number one swear
27:16It would have been
27:18Motherfucker
27:19Motherfucker
27:19Like I think hands down
27:21But now we're kind of
27:22Realizing that the two
27:23Two of her most
27:24Favorites were
27:25Piece of shit
27:26Piece of shit
27:27And then she also
27:28What else
27:29Bullshit
27:30You were like
27:31Bullshit
27:31No but you love
27:32Bullshit
27:33And you
27:34I think you love
27:35Piece of shit
27:36Maybe even more
27:37Than motherfucker
27:37That's funny
27:39I like
27:40Think about like
27:41My grandma
27:42Like she never
27:43Swore really
27:44But when she would
27:45Get like
27:46As pissed off
27:48As she can get
27:49Yeah
27:49She would bust
27:50One word out
27:50And it was the
27:51Funniest thing
27:52She would
27:52Like if I knew
27:53I pissed her off
27:54When she'd go
27:54Well shit
27:56And that's what
27:57She'd say
27:58When she was
27:59As bad as it got
28:00Red hot
28:00Oh that was
28:01As mad as it could be
28:03Yeah I was like
28:03That's funny
28:04Totally yeah
28:06Honestly my mom
28:07Hardly ever swore
28:08So she probably
28:09Found that uncomfortable
28:10Oh for sure
28:11I found it uncomfortable
28:13To try and swear
28:13In front of her
28:14Yeah oh me too
28:15Oh my god
28:15I just had to like
28:16Let it go
28:16That's my mom
28:17I felt so wrong
28:18Doing it
28:19I felt like we were
28:19Holding her hostage
28:20And Dave's like
28:20Swear mom
28:21Say dad
28:22You swear
28:23Fucking say cunt
28:24Say cunt
28:24Right now
28:25Say cunt mom
28:26Even that is crazy
28:27To say out loud
28:28I do think it's funny
28:28People in Idaho
28:29Are like
28:30Crap
28:30Yeah
28:31The potatoes are
28:32I can't even imagine
28:34The potatoes are not
28:35Growing right
28:35Oh crap
28:36Oh crap
28:38That's as bad as it gets
28:39I don't know
28:40What other problems
28:40They have
28:41That doesn't make you feel better
28:41No it doesn't
28:42It doesn't have to say
28:43Anything
28:43In fact
28:44Like relief
28:45Yeah like you know
28:46If you get hurt
28:47Like you're hammering in a nail
28:48And you hit your thumb
28:49Or whatever
28:50Saying crap
28:51It's not even
28:52It's no relief at all
28:54To me a big long fuck
28:56With like 72 years
28:57Oh fuck
28:58Yeah yeah
28:59That's the best
29:00I would actually love to send
29:02This version of the show
29:03To Idaho
29:04And force some people
29:06To listen to it
29:07They'd be like
29:07Crap
29:08Make them cry
29:09Oh it might
29:10Crap is like what you say
29:11I know so little
29:11About the state of Idaho
29:12In my mind
29:13Literally their cars
29:14Have potatoes for wheels
29:15That's not
29:16That's not true
29:16So they do
29:17When they deliver our package
29:19It'll be in a potato box
29:21It'll be by a potato mailman
29:23Uh huh
29:23Oh my god
29:24But Mr. Potato Head
29:25Yeah
29:26He's like hello
29:27Hi-ho
29:28Alright time for this now
29:30You're a douche
29:37I'm not a douche
29:38And you're a stupid douche
29:39You are so a douche
29:40I'm nominating you
29:41For biggest douche
29:41In the universe award
29:42You douche
29:42Dave and Chuck the Freak
29:44Salute
29:45The douche bag of the day
29:47Today's douche bag
29:49Is certain women
29:51Because according to a story
29:53In the New York Post
29:54Single women are fed up
29:55With guys not showing up
29:56For dates
29:56Or behaving badly
29:57On those dates
29:58So they're putting in place
30:00A douche bag tax
30:02Oh wow
30:03Great
30:04For example
30:05This is the last thing I need
30:06One woman featured in the article
30:07Had a number of dates
30:08Cancel on her
30:08At the last minute
30:09She responded
30:10By putting a new
30:11No show policy in place
30:13If a guy reschedules a date
30:15He has to Venmo her
30:17A $50 deposit
30:18Okay
30:19I will say
30:21Nothing keeps me
30:22On an appointment
30:23Like
30:24Losing 50 bucks
30:25Like the fact
30:26Do you ever like
30:26Make a reservation
30:27Somewhere that's a little nicer
30:29Absolutely
30:30And then they put
30:31The fear of God
30:31Into you
30:32And it's like
30:34Really
30:34You can't miss that
30:36Really
30:36Yeah you can't miss that
30:37Oh man
30:38And then I'll tell you
30:39Then you live in
30:39At least for me
30:41You live in fear
30:42That someone else
30:43Isn't gonna go
30:43So then I'm gonna have to
30:45Like find at the last second
30:46Like a random
30:47Cause you know me
30:48I don't like to go to
30:49Some place by myself
30:50Right
30:51I'd have to recruit someone
30:53That scares me
30:54Another woman featured in the story
30:55Sends Venmo requests
30:56For amounts ranging from
30:57$1,500 to $3,000
30:59To guys who behave poorly on dates
31:01She said
31:02For me it's a way to be like
31:03You're a douchebag
31:04Here's the value of my time
31:06You wasted
31:06Yeah but if you ask me
31:08For $3,000
31:09You can go fuck yourself
31:10F you
31:10There's no fucking way
31:11You're getting that money
31:12And especially if he's a douchebag
31:13To begin with
31:13He's not gonna fucking care
31:15About giving you anything
31:16And I know I'm a little bit
31:17Of a douchebag
31:18But I
31:19You know
31:20Not $3,000 worth
31:21I like changing this segment
31:23To asshole of the day
31:25Asshole of the day
31:27Oh an asshole
31:27You can never say asshole
31:29And it's such a
31:30That's another good one
31:31Isn't it
31:31I call people that
31:32On the roads a lot
31:33I'm like
31:33Hey asshole
31:34I think that was like
31:37The first words
31:37I ever learned
31:38Lisa's first word
31:40Was asshole
31:41Asshole
31:42Asshole
31:43Oh my god
31:45Asshole
31:46Asshole
31:47You know
31:48The thing is
31:49About an asshole
31:50It's not
31:51It's like
31:51Saying it
31:53It doesn't seem as vile
31:54But really
31:55It really is
31:56Comparing you
31:58To just
31:58Someone's
31:59One of the
32:00Worst areas
32:01Yeah
32:01You poop out of there
32:03Yeah
32:03This woman
32:05Claims about
32:06Half the men
32:07She's shaking down
32:08Actually pay up
32:09I can't say
32:09I would never
32:10Pay
32:11The only way I pay
32:13Is if stuff
32:13I'd be like
32:14Send it to collections
32:15Exactly
32:18To me though
32:20I mean
32:20Stuff is going good
32:21Maybe then you pay
32:22But
32:23That'd be the only time
32:25Yeah
32:26That's the only time you pay
32:27People don't show up for dates
32:29That's sad
32:29All right
32:30Here's a
32:31Question for you guys
32:33Uh oh
32:34See if you can
32:35Figure this out
32:36Lisa's out
32:37Because she knows
32:38Okay
32:38Scholars have found
32:40The world's
32:41Oldest sentence
32:42What do you think
32:46It was about
32:47The oldest sentence
32:52So this would be
32:52Oldest sentence
32:53It was a dirty joke
32:54Wasn't it
32:55I think it is
32:56This is new
32:57Something new
32:58Something new
32:59That they believe
33:00To be now
33:00The new
33:01Oldest sentence
33:02Uh
33:02Clarification
33:03Yes
33:03Country of origin
33:05It was found
33:08At uh
33:09Jerusalem
33:10Oh butt fucking
33:11For sure
33:12Butt fucking
33:13Goodness gracious
33:15Yes it was a site
33:17In central
33:17I was gonna say
33:18Anal sex
33:19Central Israel
33:20I said I was gonna
33:21Say that
33:21It was um
33:23They decoded
33:24The world's
33:24Oldest sentence
33:25Written with
33:26An alphabet
33:26Is it about
33:28A man's penis
33:29Damn
33:32Wow
33:33That was very loud
33:34That's really wrong
33:36And you wanna
33:37Take a guess
33:38Uh I mean
33:39I don't
33:40I don't know
33:40It's if it's not
33:41It's it's not
33:43About just
33:43Like fucking
33:44Like fucking
33:45Yeah
33:46Okay it's a warning
33:48Warning about fucking
33:51No
33:51It's a fucking warning
33:54No uh
33:55Okay what if
33:56It's uh
33:56Like a warning
33:57About you can
33:59Catch something
34:00From fucking
34:00It's a warning
34:04About lice
34:06It was put on
34:07A comb right
34:08May this tusk
34:10Root out the lice
34:12Of your hair
34:13And beard
34:13And that's where
34:14They found it
34:15They found it
34:15They found it right
34:15So they've been
34:16Worried about bugs
34:17Forever
34:17Yeah well that was
34:18A time I think
34:19Everybody was just
34:20Covered in lice
34:20And they're like
34:21What are we gonna do
34:22About this lice
34:22We don't even
34:23I got this bone
34:24I don't even know
34:25How to make pants
34:25Who cares about pants
34:28I'm fashion this bone
34:29Into some teeth
34:30I'm gonna write something
34:30Down about these
34:31God awful lice
34:32Here write it on this bone
34:34And they did
34:35Yeah
34:36And so now they believe
34:37It's the world's
34:38Oldest sentence
34:38Written with an alphabet
34:39A specific warning
34:41About lice
34:42God uh
34:43I mean
34:44That's how important
34:44They thought it was
34:45I feel like the
34:46Our last sentence
34:48Like when
34:48When we're finally gone
34:50It'll be something like that
34:51Bad bugs
34:51Yeah it'll be
34:52It'll be some form of bug
34:54Some super bug
34:55Um they put out a list here
34:58Which we're having
34:58A little trouble believing
35:00They put out a list
35:01Of what they say
35:02Are the top 10 places
35:04People should visit
35:06In 2023
35:08If you're traveling next year
35:10These are the places
35:11They say
35:12You gotta go there
35:13Yes
35:14And we are finding it
35:16Somewhat suspicious
35:18Yes we are
35:19Seems like a joke
35:20It does seem like a joke
35:21You guys
35:22Among the top 10
35:23Destinations on the list
35:24Detroit Michigan made it
35:26Which is nice
35:26It's
35:27A lot of people
35:28May not consider that
35:29One of the top 10
35:29Destinations in the world
35:30Like when you say
35:31World
35:32But it's great
35:32That it made the list
35:33Yeah but
35:33It's great that it made the list
35:35The world
35:36Sorry but
35:37Sydney Australia
35:38But also
35:38It made number 10
35:39Of the list
35:40So it wasn't even
35:41There's other places
35:43That beat Detroit
35:44Yes
35:44Lafayette Louisiana
35:46Is number one
35:46Yeah no
35:47Lafayette Louisiana
35:48I've never been there
35:49I would never go
35:50Honduras
35:51Number three
35:52Honduras
35:53It can't be
35:54Kosovo
35:55Number five
35:57Kosovo
35:57Are you kidding me
35:58Is Kosovo
35:59Is it
36:00Even fixed yet
36:02I don't even know
36:03I don't even know
36:05I mean maybe
36:06There's beautiful parts
36:07I'm sure there was
36:08And maybe
36:09Kosovoians will be pissed
36:10But they
36:12Hate to disparage Kosovo
36:14They've had some troubles
36:15Through the years
36:16They have
36:16They even beat Detroit
36:18Come on
36:18Columbia
36:19I mean
36:20Salento
36:20Columbia
36:21You can't travel
36:22To Columbia
36:23Uzbekistan
36:25Is on the list
36:26Uzbekistan
36:27Uzbekistan
36:27Is one of the top 10 places
36:29In the world
36:29I should go to next year
36:30I feel like
36:31If you went to Uzbekistan
36:33Your whole trip ends
36:34With you in an orange suit
36:35And I'm watching a video
36:37About you
36:37Oh no
36:39That's how I think
36:41It ends
36:41Who stands to win here
36:43I don't get it
36:44I don't understand what
36:45I really think
36:47That this list
36:48Might have been put out
36:49In hopes that news
36:50Places would pick it up
36:52And report it
36:53As real
36:54And then laugh
36:55And then they're like
36:56Oh my god
36:56They did it
36:57Yes
36:58It's either that
36:59Or it's even more sinister
37:01And it is a new
37:02ISIS plot
37:04To get Americans
37:05To travel to these areas
37:07Where they will be killed
37:09They need hostages
37:10Where they will be killed
37:12When they go there
37:12Very much
37:13I'd like to go to Bhutan
37:14It's apparently beautiful
37:15Oh yes
37:15Gorgeous Bhutan
37:16Yes
37:17Please take me there
37:18Number two
37:19On the list
37:19Number two
37:20It's in the eastern Himalayas
37:23And maybe it's beautiful
37:24I don't know
37:25I don't know
37:26Listen
37:26I saw
37:27This isn't the happiest
37:28Listen
37:29I saw a video
37:30Of a woman
37:31That was in this area
37:32And she was following
37:34Some people
37:35She was going to go climb
37:36One of the mountains
37:37That is over there
37:38And someone offered her coffee
37:40Or whatever
37:41And she was like
37:41No that's too much
37:42And then they chased her
37:43For like three miles
37:44With machetes
37:45We might have talked about it
37:46On the show
37:47Yeah yeah yeah
37:47And no
37:48Like that's not a happy place
37:50Like you say
37:51No thanks
37:52I don't want to spend
37:52$2.50 on that coffee
37:54And they want to kill you
37:55I just feel like
37:56A lot of these places
37:57You could be taken
37:58Yeah
37:58It's the most
37:59These are some of the most
38:01Taken style areas
38:03That's the top 10 places
38:05You could be taken
38:06You could easily
38:07Like switch the top of it
38:08And like
38:09Places to be taken
38:11And I don't think
38:11You're going to get taken
38:12In Detroit
38:13Or Louisiana
38:14No no
38:15But I mean
38:16Kosovo
38:17Honduras
38:18That full list
38:19Where does it take you to that
38:20If you click that full list
38:22Of all 50
38:22The top 50
38:23Okay
38:25I wonder to see what website
38:26I've never heard of this
38:26No
38:27And you go by region
38:28Best place to visit
38:29There it is
38:30I almost wonder
38:31If it was somehow
38:31Like you could vote on this
38:33I mean
38:34The photos that they have
38:36That are like
38:37Showing you the places
38:38Are
38:39In some of these cases
38:40They're going to pick the nicest photo
38:41They can find
38:42Of the place
38:42What is the nicest one of Detroit
38:44It's just the skyline
38:45Yeah
38:45From Canada
38:46Yeah
38:47Yeah
38:48They've fixed up the river a bit
38:50It is
38:50They went to Canada
38:51And then they took a picture
38:53Across the river
38:53And we're like
38:54Check that out
38:55Photoshopped all the turds
38:56And dead bodies
38:56Detroit's coming back
38:57And there's lots to see and do
38:58But I don't know
38:59I love it
39:02I love downtown
39:03I love the Lafayette
39:04Louisiana
39:04It's just one of those fan boats
39:06That's it
39:06That's
39:07Well what else is there
39:08That's number one in the world
39:09That's all that's there
39:09Yeah
39:10It must be
39:11Woo
39:11Someone from Louisiana
39:13Gorgeous
39:14Those kids are having a blast
39:15On that boat though
39:15They sure are
39:16That seems like what they're saying
39:18Yeah
39:18Absolutely
39:19You're correct
39:20I don't get it
39:21I don't know
39:22I feel like it's some kind of plot
39:23But
39:23And it might be
39:25Or a troll
39:25More likely a troll
39:27Having a relationship with a woman
39:29Would be so much easier
39:30If we were all psychic guys
39:32After all
39:33Many of their common frustrations
39:34Could be avoided
39:35If they'd simply tell us
39:36What the fuck they want
39:37To ease that stress
39:398,000 women were asked
39:41What they'd like to see
39:42From the men in their lives
39:44So guys
39:45These responses
39:46Should give us all the ability
39:47To head off any future confrontations
39:49Make us appear more sensitive
39:51And self-aware
39:52What do we want men to do
39:55Manscaping came out
39:57At the top of the list
39:58Are there fucking guys
39:59Running around
39:59With gigantic bushes
40:01Probably
40:01Chuck raises his hand
40:03I don't give a fuck anymore
40:05No but
40:06Come on
40:06Every once in a while
40:08I'll say this
40:09I only take care of my stuff
40:12For myself
40:12It's only when I disgust myself
40:15That I'm like
40:17I shall take care of
40:19Some things today
40:20Outside of that
40:21You don't bother
40:22I'm not
40:23It's not gonna happen
40:24I'm not worried
40:25I mean
40:25Confession
40:26I had a lot of down time
40:27In that department
40:28So I got a little out of control
40:30Because I knew
40:31I wasn't gonna get any action
40:32So if you're not gonna play
40:33In the field
40:34Why are you gonna mow it
40:35You know what I'm saying
40:35Yeah right
40:36That's a thing
40:37But you got it
40:38Out of hand
40:39If you know you're getting
40:39Regular action
40:40You take care of business
40:42When my pubes are longer
40:43Than my dick
40:44I
40:44Oh my god
40:45It's time to fucking
40:46Shave them off
40:47You can't even see
40:48Fucking horrible
40:48I couldn't even see my dick
40:49I was just so crazy
40:51I was like
40:51I think there's a penis
40:52In there somewhere
40:52I don't believe that
40:53Oh man
40:54You guys
40:55Smelly balls
40:56Women say
40:58Shower in power
40:58Learn it
40:59Know it
40:59Live it
41:00I mean
41:00I'm not a
41:02Smelly balls fan
41:03You know
41:04I like my balls fresh
41:06And I like it
41:06To take a shower
41:07So not an issue
41:09Eating pussy
41:11Checkmate
41:13Well that's what they want
41:18I don't like that
41:19They're even telling them
41:20That they want it
41:21Cause it's like
41:21I love doing it
41:22Yeah
41:22And I don't need
41:23The secret out
41:24And it's like
41:24There's guys out there
41:25That don't want to do it
41:26Like that's great
41:27That's great news
41:28Yep
41:29Women say
41:30That's one of the top things
41:31They want men to do
41:32So many men
41:33That shocks a lot of guys
41:34But I think there's also
41:35A lot of guys
41:36That are like
41:36I don't ever fucking do
41:37That
41:38Yeah it's weird to me
41:39I just don't
41:40Like the things
41:40We ask them to do
41:41To ours
41:42Right
41:42That I just
41:44To me it's like
41:45You know
41:46It's fair play
41:47It's just equal
41:48And on the flip side
41:50If you guys want
41:51Blowjobs
41:52Women say
41:53Hey
41:54We need some build up time
41:55Go slow
41:56Like don't just
41:58Put our fucking heads down there
42:00Right
42:00We got things to do man
42:02Go slow and escalate
42:04From there
42:04Sure
42:05I don't know
42:06Gotta be done
42:06Before Rick and Morty
42:07Comes on
42:07Oh that's a lot of pressure
42:09Also porn
42:10Mmhmm
42:12They say
42:13Do not watch it
42:14In the hopes of
42:15Thinking that's how
42:16You please a woman
42:17I would say in most of the
42:19Conversations I've had
42:20Like it's
42:21It's really
42:22It's
42:22It's more frowned upon
42:24You know
42:25Like it's
42:26It's not something
42:28Most girls
42:29Want you to do
42:30Is to even really
42:30Be a big fan
42:31Of porn
42:32They say if that's your goal
42:33Erotic fiction
42:34Would be a better option
42:35To pick up
42:36Oh there you go
42:36Maybe I'll talk to Dave's mom
42:38I can lend you one of the
42:39Millions of folks in my library
42:41I'll talk to Dave's mom
42:41That my mom has
42:43Hey Linda
42:44I plan on masturbating tonight
42:45Oh my god
42:46Is there anything I should
42:47You know
42:48He's got the perfect book for you
42:48The hair of the men
42:50Chuck threatened that he was
42:50Gonna like talk sexy
42:52With my mom
42:52You're lucky the phones
42:53Were fucked up
42:54Because
42:54I don't know
42:55Honestly
42:55It would have been the first time
42:56I would have punched you
42:57Listen
42:57I don't think I could have
42:58Handled that
42:59The universe stepped in
43:00Because if the phones worked
43:02I fully was gonna get it on
43:04With your mom
43:04I think it was pretty bad
43:06Enough as it was
43:07He got your mom
43:08To confess you liked
43:08Being tied up
43:09Yeah well that's true
43:10But he wanted to have
43:12Like a back and forth
43:13Dirty talk with her
43:14And that would have been
43:15Yeah
43:16It was too hard
43:17On Dave's fucking cell phone
43:18I had to hold
43:19My fucking cell phone
43:20Up to him
43:21Well that's why
43:21I was trying to explain
43:22I'm like
43:22You have to yell loud enough
43:24Because you're actually
43:25Just talking on Dave's cell phone
43:26The one other thing
43:28That women say
43:28They want men to do
43:29Is improve
43:31Their stuff in the bedroom
43:33Never stop
43:34Educating yourself guys
43:35Practice makes perfect
43:37No that's
43:37There's nothing in the world
43:39They say sexier than confidence
43:40Without cockiness
43:42You can be confident
43:44But you can't be cocky
43:45You know like
43:46You might go to a
43:49Like Jason
43:50You might go to the
43:51Basketball court
43:53And you might think
43:55One day
43:55I'm gonna jam a basketball
43:57And then
43:58Sometimes
43:59No matter how many times
44:01You try to jump
44:02You're never ever
44:03Gonna get there
44:04And that's how I feel
44:05Like having sex
44:07Yep
44:07No come on
44:08I'm a short man
44:10Trying to dunk
44:10You that's ridiculous
44:11You just need to get
44:12A big enough trampoline
44:13Well that's true
44:14I mean that's true
44:15Bring a toy in
44:16Yeah
44:17And it might save you
44:18Time for an email
44:20Remember you can always
44:21Reach us
44:21Email at
44:22Daveandchuckthefreak.com
44:23That's the best way
44:24To do it
44:24She says
44:25Being anonymous
44:26I'm a 24 year old woman
44:28Listened to you guys
44:29For a long time
44:30You always make me laugh
44:31I don't know who else
44:32I could ask about this
44:33But I've never had
44:34A hard time
44:35Orgasming on my own
44:37I can get there
44:38In a couple of minutes
44:38If I'm in a rush
44:39But when I'm with a guy
44:41It takes so much longer
44:43Cause you do it
44:44Too much yourself
44:44I can occasionally
44:46During intercourse
44:47But it takes
44:47Serious concentration
44:48And takes me a long time
44:50Like 45 minutes
44:51If I'm super focused
44:53On getting there
44:53I'm almost self-conscious
44:55That I'm taking so long
44:56That I end up faking it
44:58Even with touching
44:59And mouth stuff
45:00It happens occasionally
45:02But not very often
45:03My question is
45:04Do you think there's something
45:05I could do
45:05To make it happen faster
45:07And do guys mine
45:08When a girl takes so long
45:09I would like to get there
45:11While having sex
45:11But I worry
45:12I make them feel inadequate
45:13For taking so long
45:14I end up feeling so bad
45:15I just fake it
45:16Is it the guys
45:17I've been with
45:18I come once
45:19Every 10 or 15 times
45:21During intercourse
45:22She probably
45:24She's touching herself
45:25Too much
45:26I think
45:26You think like
45:27So with guys
45:28That are doing it
45:28Too much
45:29That are having problems
45:29It's the same
45:30Listen
45:30Girls are going through
45:31The same stuff as guys
45:32And if you have
45:34Programmed your brain
45:35Like she even said it
45:36In the email
45:38She was like
45:39Yeah
45:40I can do it
45:41In a couple minutes
45:41If I just sit there
45:42And do it myself
45:44Well
45:44If that's what
45:45You've set up
45:47Then
45:48The whole guy
45:50Experience
45:51Which is so much
45:52Less
45:53Stimulation
45:54Down there
45:56It's going to take forever
45:57If it's even going to
45:59Take place
45:59She's got to give her
46:01Bean a break
46:01That's it
46:02And like it's the same
46:03Same advice I'd give a guy
46:05Is cool it
46:07I think she needs to cool it
46:09Find some different positions
46:10Maybe
46:11Yeah
46:12But I
46:13But I mean
46:14I think she's talking about
46:15Even like if the guy
46:16Is like
46:17Right down there
46:1945 minutes
46:21I mean
46:21We just talked about
46:22Eating pussy
46:23But 45 minutes
46:24That's a long time
46:26That's a long
46:27That's a long
46:28That's a lot of work
46:30Yeah
46:32It is
46:33It's too much work
46:34And
46:35In fact
46:37Please give someone
46:39The heads up
46:39Like hey
46:40You know what's not
46:41Going to happen
46:42Tonight
46:42Me getting off
46:44Yeah be okay with that
46:45Saying hey listen
46:46And honestly
46:46As a guy
46:46Sometimes you have to
46:47Say the same thing
46:48To somebody
46:48I think that's alright
46:49To say hey
46:50You know what
46:51Don't take offense
46:52But it takes me
46:52A long time to get there
46:53And I may not get there
46:54So don't worry about it
46:55But yeah
46:56Maybe if you are
46:57Touching yourself too much
46:58Maybe back off of that
46:59And it may make you
47:01A little more sensitive
47:01And I do wonder
47:02If when she's doing that
47:04To herself
47:05If she is watching porn
47:06Because that's the
47:09They don't have a lot of studies
47:10On if the porn's
47:11Affecting the ladies
47:12I think
47:13I think
47:13There's no question
47:14That two things
47:15Affect chicks
47:16Porn
47:17And then also
47:18These machines
47:19That are just
47:20I think that's more
47:22It's the machines
47:23That just do so much
47:24That there's no
47:25Like a tongue
47:26Used to be enough
47:27Right
47:28A tongue used to be like
47:29Holy crap
47:30This feels insane
47:31It's nothing now
47:33Like it's
47:34It's nothing
47:34It's gotta like
47:35Vibrate
47:36And do all sorts of stuff
47:37And all that stuff
47:39Destroyed ourselves
47:40Really
47:41Send me that link
47:41You got it
47:42I got a coupon for you too
47:44Thank you
47:44And then
47:45How do you guys feel about
47:47Fucking at parents places
47:49What?
47:50Like if you were
47:51Staying
47:51I would never
47:52If you were out of town
47:53Never
47:54Never
47:54Staying at a family member's house
47:56With your partner
47:56Would you fuck?
47:58No
47:59I've stayed at my in-laws
48:02And never
48:02I don't think it
48:05I have definitely
48:06I have
48:07I have fucked in front of parents
48:08In front of?
48:10In front of?
48:11What the hell
48:12Fucking family are you from?
48:13Oh my god
48:14I did
48:15What's wrong with you?
48:16I fucked right in front of someone's mom
48:16Watch me fuck your daughter
48:18That's ridiculous
48:19You did not
48:20Not in front of them
48:21What do you mean
48:22In front of them?
48:23They came walking in a room
48:25Oh my god
48:26That's horrible
48:26And you couldn't tell
48:28How?
48:29You couldn't tell
48:29What was going on
48:30It just looked like
48:31Someone was like chilling
48:32And it wasn't chilling
48:34It was full on sex
48:36Holy shit
48:36And a conversation happened
48:38And then they left
48:40And then they left
48:40Yeah
48:41What?
48:41And then they left
48:42That's why I would never
48:44And then I
48:46And I felt like
48:47I was almost being set up
48:49Like I almost got set up for it
48:51But it was terrible
48:51And
48:52But yeah
48:53I mean
48:54I'm gonna say I've done it
48:56Not in front of anyone
48:57But when Amber and I
48:59Were newlyweds
49:00My parents lived
49:01Three and a half hours away
49:02Right?
49:02Yes
49:03And we'd go spend weekends
49:04With them
49:05We were newlyweds
49:06Yeah
49:06And we like
49:07Before we even got married
49:08Actually
49:08Yeah I did the same thing
49:10I stayed
49:11But I couldn't
49:11I didn't want to
49:13I was just like
49:13That's so weird
49:14Here's what I had
49:15Going in my favor
49:16My dad's deaf
49:17Yes
49:18And I knew he'd never hear
49:20And he snores so crazy
49:22Right
49:22That when they were
49:23And they were
49:24We were at the opposite end
49:25Of hallways
49:26Yeah
49:26So I thought
49:27There's no way in hell
49:28My mom would ever hear
49:29Because she was the only one
49:30I was worried about
49:31Yeah
49:31I mean I don't know
49:32They'd have to be out of the house
49:34Like if they were gone
49:35Then that's why
49:36That would go on
49:37Yes
49:37I'll tell you this
49:38There was a time
49:39When I would have done it
49:40It didn't matter
49:42Like I would have
49:43As I got older
49:45It was like
49:46Okay come on
49:47Like seriously
49:48You want to do this
49:49You know
49:49I took some real chances
49:51On like getting
49:52Close to getting killed
49:53By people's parents
49:54So
49:55Well I did get busted once
49:57But that was
49:57I was a young dude
49:59Right
49:59When I was
49:59Yes
50:00That's true
50:00When you weren't humping
50:01To the rhythm of your dad's snores
50:02Yes
50:03No
50:03I couldn't hear them
50:04Thank God
50:05But I knew they were loud
50:07But that time on the
50:08You know
50:09The washing machine
50:10Exactly
50:10French Canadian girl
50:11That was a bad time
50:13So but I bring it up
50:14For a reason
50:15Because this guy
50:15Sent an email
50:16He said
50:16My girlfriend
50:17Is now my fiance
50:18But that's apparently
50:19Not good enough
50:20For her folks
50:21We're planning to visit them
50:22For Thanksgiving
50:23But it's been made clear
50:24That we still need
50:24To have separate bedrooms
50:25Because we're still not married
50:27This has been a thing
50:28With them
50:29Ever since we got together
50:30Three years ago
50:31But I'm about done with it
50:32I know
50:33It'll be the last time
50:33For this
50:34But I'm suggesting
50:35We just get a hotel
50:36So we don't have to
50:37Play along with the rules
50:38That we both think
50:39Are stupid
50:40She though
50:41Thinks her parents
50:42Will be insulted
50:42If we don't stay
50:43I think they'll get over it
50:45What do you guys think
50:47I think staying at a hotel
50:48Is cool
50:48I think it is
50:50I think honestly
50:51Like they have to get over that
50:52It's like
50:52You could just be like
50:54Well we'll fuck here
50:55Yeah
50:55Do you want us to fuck here
50:58Do you want us to stay at a hotel
51:00I thought it would be a hotel
51:02Are you cool with the fuck here
51:03Or are you not cool
51:04No I understand
51:05I do
51:06I will say though
51:07Like there's just
51:08I don't know
51:09Okay as a guy
51:11Who's been through all this stuff
51:12And you know
51:13Breaking into someone's family
51:14Is tough
51:15I'd say
51:17It's just a couple of days
51:18And you will be married
51:19The next time you go visit
51:20So it's one last time
51:22And it's probably
51:23Going to be
51:23A lot less headache
51:24Just to
51:25Not fucking bang
51:26For a couple of days
51:27I know
51:27And then just
51:28Make the family happy
51:29Yeah
51:30That is like the real
51:31I'm just joking
51:32I know
51:33I don't want people
51:35To be like
51:35Jesus Andy
51:36No no
51:38I think just
51:39It's one
51:39One more time
51:41Just let it slide
51:42Maybe try from just
51:44You know
51:44Something in the bathroom
51:45Or something
51:46I mean I don't know
51:47You can't like
51:48I don't know about that
51:49You can't do that
51:50No just
51:51Just fucking chill out
51:52Yeah
51:53You can
51:53You don't need to fuck
51:55Yeah
51:55He goes from just chill out
51:57To maybe just fuck
51:58Under the bathroom
51:58I was thinking BJ
52:00Whatever
52:00Whatever
52:01Whatever
52:02That's even
52:03That's even worse
52:04Lock the door
52:05You can't
52:05I mean I guess
52:06You lock the door
52:07Oh hello Mr. So and so
52:08I apologize
52:09My feet are
52:09I just hit your nose
52:10Oh my god
52:10Yeah
52:11Let me just pull that out
52:12There are some people
52:13That would feel that locked door
52:14And they just reach above
52:15That frame
52:16And low key
52:18And put it in
52:18And open it up
52:19I guess it's just not
52:20Worth taking the chance
52:21No
52:22No it's not
52:23But especially in your situation
52:24I think a lot of people
52:24Do it though
52:25Like a lot of people
52:26Oh I think they
52:27Absolutely do
52:28And my parents were pretty cool
52:30Like even you know
52:31Amber and I were just dating
52:32They were like
52:33Yeah if you want to share a room
52:35Share a room
52:36You know they weren't really
52:37Yeah
52:37You gotta sleep over there
52:38And you gotta sleep over there
52:39And they just
52:40Whatever we were comfortable with
52:42They were comfortable with
52:42Yes
52:43Because obviously
52:44They're sexual beings as well
52:45Yeah I know
52:46They know what they're doing
52:47I'm surprised you guys
52:48Didn't walk in on them
52:49Right
52:50It should have been the opposite
52:51Exactly
52:51Can you imagine
52:52Amber and you're like
52:53Oh my god
52:54What are you doing
52:55Sorry David
52:56I don't even want to say it
52:59Don't
52:59Please don't
53:00You've already sullied
53:01Your name enough
53:02Your dad's got me tied up
53:04You can't hold back
53:07You cannot hold back
53:08Because you're a fuck face
53:09Oh that's another one
53:10That's a good one
53:11Oh I love that one
53:12Oh you fucking fuck face
53:14You cock sucking fuck face
53:16I love that
53:19Yeah that is good
53:20I love that one
53:21That has a nice feel to it
53:21It's really good
53:22I do like it
53:23Well that's gonna do it
53:24Yep
53:24That's how you end it right there
53:26Holy fuck already
53:26Fucking fuck face
53:28Yep
53:28That is the second
53:30Dave and Chuck
53:31Uncut podcast
53:32Probably the last
53:33Yeah I think so
53:34Wrap it up
53:35Wrap it up
53:36If you are listening
53:38And want to hear more
53:39About the show
53:40Or want to see the video
53:41Make sure you check it out
53:43At DaveAndChuckTheFreak.com
53:45But we appreciate you guys
53:47Being a part of this
53:49Again when we did it last time
53:50You said you really wanted
53:51To hear another one
53:52But this will probably be it
53:53It's the nail in the coffin
53:55Of the uncuts
53:56Because it's fucking sucked
53:58Trying to get ready for this
53:59It was pretty
54:00It was bad
54:01I had to hold a phone up
54:02To the microphone
54:03Yeah that was
54:03That was pretty shit
54:05Pretty embarrassing
54:05Absolutely fucking ridiculous
54:06For a syndicated radio show
54:08That'll do it for us
54:11We'll talk to you next time
54:13On the air
54:13It's Dave and Chuck The Freak
54:15I think everyone should say penis
54:18So we can take away
54:19The negative power of the word
54:21Yeah so everybody
54:22Penis
54:23Penis
54:24Penis
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