Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about irrational fears and a listener shares one about prostate exams which leads to the discussion of physicals and Dave's visit to the ball doctor.
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00:00Ron from Roseville, how are you?
00:12Uh, penis balls.
00:13Penis, what strange thing did you recently become afraid of?
00:16I am definitely afraid of the yearly physical after you hit 50.
00:21Oh, because of the...
00:22Because the doctor wants to check your prostate.
00:24Uh, I think that's not a rational fear.
00:26That's a common fear among men.
00:28Common fear.
00:28Honestly.
00:29I think I have this one coming.
00:30I think this one is...
00:31I kind of got a heads up that this is going to be the next one I get.
00:34You're getting the old house your father?
00:36I think so.
00:36Oh, my God.
00:37Maybe you should get it done live on the air.
00:39Oh, my God, Dave.
00:41That's the worst idea I've ever heard.
00:42Come on.
00:43Why would I do it?
00:43That is not happening.
00:44Because they've got to do all sorts of stuff to me.
00:46It's not just prostate.
00:47I've got to get a full physical.
00:49So they're going to grab my balls, which I've never had done either.
00:52I've never had anyone, like a male, grab my balls.
00:56I had once when I was a kid.
00:58Because I was growing so fast, they had to make sure that everything was okay.
01:03So they touched your balls?
01:04They had this ring of balls.
01:06I think I told this story once.
01:07And they compared my balls to the ring of balls to make sure that I wasn't bigger than
01:11normal.
01:11Jeez.
01:12The ring of balls.
01:13It was like a big ring of balls with all these wooden testicles on it.
01:19And they compared it to my balls.
01:20I have.
01:21That's weird, Dave.
01:22No.
01:23I'm telling you, I was like 12 or 13, and I was so tall for my age.
01:28Have you ever wondered, though?
01:30Have you looked that up just to see if you were messed with?
01:34Like if there's a doctor.
01:36I don't.
01:37Ring of testicles.
01:39I don't see it.
01:39Ring of testicles.
01:41I don't know.
01:41Sometimes I wonder if it's just some perv got Dave.
01:45It's like, we've got to really look at those balls.
01:46You're growing fast.
01:48We've got to see if your balls are the right size.
01:51So what was it?
01:52It was a wood ring.
01:53It was called Ring of Balls.
01:54Well, that's what I called it.
01:56It wasn't a professional call.
01:56Well, what was it called?
01:57It was a giant ring, and it had wooden balls on it.
02:01And he just whipped it around until he found the size of mine that matched mine.
02:06Why would he need that?
02:10I've never heard of this.
02:11I'm preparing to see if I was like.
02:13There's got to be a kid doctor out there that knows about the balls.
02:18I'm trying to medical testicles.
02:20There it is.
02:21So that it's.
02:21Well, no.
02:22That's kind of what.
02:23There's like a meter.
02:25Yeah.
02:25So this was like.
02:26That's the paper version.
02:27Okay.
02:27Here.
02:27Is this it?
02:29What?
02:29Wait.
02:30Like something.
02:31Yes.
02:32Like this?
02:32Yes.
02:33Absolutely.
02:33You're good.
02:34You're good.
02:35Thank you, Lisa.
02:35I was not fondled by a strange man.
02:37This one.
02:38Good gosh.
02:39It looks like a rosary.
02:40It looks like a string of anal beads.
02:42Or it looks like those necklaces, the pitchers in Major League Baseball wear.
02:45Christ.
02:46Can I tell you something?
02:48So your adulthood balls are bigger than the 25?
02:51Yeah.
02:51So my balls were bigger than they should have been at that age.
02:54So they were.
02:54Or your childhood one?
02:56Yes.
02:56His childhood balls.
02:57So like I was in like mid puberty and I was in.
03:00I had late puberty balls.
03:02Wow.
03:03See, this is exactly how they did it to me.
03:05He held my ball.
03:06Oh my God.
03:06That sucks.
03:07And then he held the ball sizer up to it.
03:09Oh, Dave.
03:10I'm so sorry you went through that because that looks like it's a thrill bad moment.
03:15It was a weird moment.
03:15What were they?
03:16They must have gave you a complex.
03:17Like they pull out this ball, this ring ball.
03:20Yeah.
03:21A ring of balls.
03:22What are they trying to decide?
03:23Like are you going to?
03:24Did they think, Dave, like you were going to be like Andre the Giant?
03:27Like you never stopped growing?
03:28I was way off the charts size wise.
03:31I went to school with a guy like that.
03:32He was 15 feet at 12 years old, right?
03:34Yeah.
03:35I had a guy at school who was like that.
03:37I don't think he'll never stop growing if he's still with us.
03:40No, luckily I did.
03:41Dave must have been like a weeble wall when he was young.
03:44But as a kid though, the complex that you must have, I mean, not that you had a complex,
03:46but you must have been like, why are they?
03:47I absolutely did.
03:48I'm like, am I a freak?
03:49That's why I said for years that I was like six foot three and a half instead of six foot
03:54five.
03:55And I wore size 13 shoes even though I was size 14 because I thought 14 was a freak.
03:59So all my shoes were always smaller.
04:02Oh, wow.
04:03All right.
04:03Well, luckily we got to the bottom of the back that I was glad that it's a real thing.
04:07Yeah, me too.
04:08I was worried.
04:09I was like, Dave.
04:10Because Dave's real.
04:11I told that story on the show before.
04:13I believe you did, but we just never really got into it.
04:16And then I thought to myself, God, you know, like Dave's just so trusting that we should
04:22look it up.
04:22Well, it wasn't just 12 year old Dave going to the doctor.
04:25My dad was with me.
04:26Of course, yeah.
04:27Wasn't this me on my bicycle going to get an awesome act out?
04:30Awesome moment for your dad, too.
04:32Did you want to talk to your dad about the time that your balls got measured?
04:37Oh, he was so embarrassed.
04:38I bet.
04:40Oh, he's probably red.
04:41Can you just picture a little Dave on his bike?
04:47Going to get the balls checked.
04:52Hi, Mr. Whitaker.
04:53I'm just going to get my balls checked with the ball ring today.
04:57Oh, I bet you got real freakishly big balls, Dave.
04:59Yes, we'll find out.
05:01See you later, Mr. Whitaker.
05:02See ya.
05:03You're probably never going to stop growing, you freak.
05:08Look at the size of that boy's feet.
05:11Surprised he could even pedal a bike?
05:13I heard his dad put extra big pedals on there.
05:19I don't even think he's going to see a doctor.
05:21I think he's going to see a goddamn scientist.
05:26Off to see the ball, doctor!
05:28That's a weird episode.
05:30It is.
05:31He's going to look for the beanstalk so he can get back home.
05:33Mr. Whitaker just makes fun of him.
05:41That's tonight on Dave Goes to the Ball Doctor.
05:44Oh, wow.
05:45Bet you got size 55 balls on the rosary there.
05:49Who in the Christ made the ball rosary?
05:51Oh, no.
05:53Whose idea was that?
05:55Obviously, it's a needed device.
05:57It's been used on me.
05:58All right, enough about my balls.
05:59We'll take a break.
06:00We'll take a break.