"It doesn’t require intercourse." Watch this sexuality coach's guide to having great sex.
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00:00When we all have to give us a little permission to desire, you can grab someone with a lot
00:08of lust.
00:09So we are talking about the five pointers to have great sex.
00:12So the first thing is, before even I talk about sex, how does it make you feel?
00:20Do you feel something, you know, some inhibition, some embarrassment, or are you kind of turning
00:26down the volume of your phone so that no one hears the word?
00:29Because these three letters are literally like a bomb.
00:33Overcoming the shame is the first step to living a life of empowered sexuality.
00:39From where the shame has come up, religion, politics, even media, on one hand, in our
00:46society, we have sexual depression running high in our blood.
00:51And on the other hand, the same sex is used and reused and recycled and heavily consumerized
00:58to sell everything from a canned juice to a luxury car.
01:03So we are as much repressed as we are sexually obsessed.
01:09Educating yourself about sex.
01:12What are you doing to enhance your sexual knowledge?
01:14I normalize talking about it.
01:21So this model is called good enough sex.
01:23Yes, not the hot sex, not the passionate sex, not the perfect sex, not the movie style sex.
01:30It's a good enough sex.
01:31Good enough sex is a variable, flexible, interactional model of sexuality.
01:36And the basis of good enough sex is pleasure oriented touch.
01:39You know, it doesn't require intercourse as a pass fail performance test.
01:45You don't have to remove the intercourse, but it's like a menu.
01:48OK, it's like a menu where you can just choose.
01:51Sexuality is all about options.
01:53It is all about what are the different ways where you can pleasure your lover, where you
01:57can enjoy that intimate time and you can feel good in your body.
02:05With what intention are you touching your sexual partner?
02:09That intention could have a lot of lust.
02:13It could be animalistic.
02:14It could be with, you know, a lot of aggression.
02:17It could be a lot of caress and a tender touch.
02:20What kind of firmness?
02:22Just see the percentage and the amount of these kind of touches you want in the relationship.
02:27Maybe partner A wants more of an erotic touch or partner B wants more of a playful touch
02:33or a sensual touch.
02:38It's a misnomer that we think fantasy is something where, you know, you're fantasizing about
02:43someone shagging or you're fantasizing about someone kind of just impatiently undressing
02:47a partner.
02:48Again, these are porn based fantasies.
02:51In reality, I would call fantasies as creative erotic imaginations.
02:56When we all have to give us a little permission to desire, create your own scenarios.
03:03More importantly, give yourself permission to act out those scenarios.
03:13See, a lot of times, especially in a long term relationships, partners say that, OK,
03:19it has become boring.
03:20Sex has become boring.
03:21What if I can tell you that something new can be created right there in your own bedroom?
03:26All you need to do is let your horses go wild.
03:30Kinky sex can also include talking about fantasies, maybe acting out certain scenarios in the
03:36bedroom.
03:37It could be about fetishes.
03:38You have to explore your own boundaries and limits.
03:42See what fits you.
03:43Don't go by someone else's version of kinky sex.
03:46So once the act gets over, make sure that you are able to transition properly to the
03:52reality because you are in a different headspace.
03:56The transition could be, you know, talking about it, give cuddle and massages, tell your
04:02partner verbal affirmations like you are valid, I love you, if the kink involves some kind
04:07of humiliation.