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00:00:00So what'd you think?
00:00:02It was good.
00:00:04That's it? Good?
00:00:06I enjoyed it.
00:00:08But when you told me I was going to be losing my virginity,
00:00:10I didn't think you meant showing me Raiders of the Lost Ark for the first time.
00:00:14My apologies.
00:00:16I chose my words poorly.
00:00:18I should have said you were about to have your world rocked on my couch.
00:00:24Anyway, thank you for watching it.
00:00:26It's one of my all-time favorites.
00:00:28It was very entertaining,
00:00:30despite the glaring story problem.
00:00:34Story problem?
00:00:36Oh, Amy.
00:00:40What a dewy-eyed moon calf you are.
00:00:42Raiders of the Lost Ark
00:00:44is the love child of
00:00:46Steven Spielberg and George Lucas,
00:00:48two of the most gifted filmmakers of our generation.
00:00:50I've watched it 36 times,
00:00:52except for the snake scene
00:00:54and the face-melting scene,
00:00:56which I can only watch when it's still light out.
00:01:00I defy you to find a story problem.
00:01:02Here's my jaw.
00:01:04Drop it.
00:01:06All right.
00:01:08Indiana Jones plays no role
00:01:10in the outcome of the story.
00:01:12If he weren't in the film,
00:01:14it would turn out exactly the same.
00:01:16I see your confusion.
00:01:18You don't understand.
00:01:20Indiana Jones was the one in the hat
00:01:22with the whip.
00:01:24No, I do.
00:01:26And if he weren't in the movie,
00:01:28the Nazis would have still found the Ark,
00:01:30taken it to the island, opened it up,
00:01:32and all died, just like they did.
00:01:40Let me close that for you.
00:01:48Shannon!
00:01:50It's not a great time.
00:01:52Oh, my God!
00:01:54Hello to you, too.
00:01:56I'm sorry, but this is important.
00:01:58What is it?
00:02:00Back to the Future 2
00:02:02was in the Back to the Future 3 case.
00:02:04And Back to the Future 3
00:02:06was, get this,
00:02:08in the Back to the Future 2 case.
00:02:10So?
00:02:12So?
00:02:14Did you do that?
00:02:16Or am I in the house with an intruder?
00:02:18Sheldon, I gotta go inside.
00:02:20It's getting rough out here.
00:02:24You're dodging the question.
00:02:26I knew it was you.
00:02:30What was that?
00:02:32What was what?
00:02:34This isn't a very good connection,
00:02:36but it sounded like someone just released a Kraken.
00:02:40Okay.
00:02:42I'm hanging up now.
00:02:44You know there's no such thing as a Kraken.
00:02:47No!
00:02:51Penny! Penny!
00:02:53Penny!
00:02:55What's the matter?
00:02:57Um...
00:02:59Well, I was worried that
00:03:01you might be missing Leonard.
00:03:03And...
00:03:05that might be causing you to have bad dreams.
00:03:07Like the kind you'd get if you watched
00:03:09Clash of the Titans right before you went to bed.
00:03:12Sweetie,
00:03:14did you have a bad dream?
00:03:16To be honest, I did.
00:03:18Back to the Future 2
00:03:20was in the Back to the Future 3 case.
00:03:22Leonard did it.
00:03:24Good night.
00:03:26No, wait.
00:03:28Perhaps I should sleep here,
00:03:30so you don't miss Leonard as much.
00:03:32Because you're being kind of a baby about it.
00:03:41You know what?
00:03:43That would make me feel better. Thank you.
00:03:45You're welcome.
00:03:50Good night.
00:03:53I'm so glad you guys are friends again.
00:03:55And I'm glad you and I are friends again, too.
00:03:57Aww.
00:03:59Which reminds me.
00:04:01This came in the mail, and I want you to have it.
00:04:03Fifty cents off of Vagisil.
00:04:07Think of me when you apply it.
00:04:12Can I just say,
00:04:14I've missed all of us hanging out together.
00:04:16Yeah. Me, too.
00:04:18Um, since when can Cthulhu Pali
00:04:20talk in front of the girls without a beer?
00:04:22Oh, that happened right after you left.
00:04:24And no one told me?
00:04:26Can't believe we forgot to tell him.
00:04:31Think of Sheldon when you apply it.
00:04:36I think this is the first time
00:04:38we've ever actually been alone together.
00:04:40Oh. I guess you're right.
00:04:42Wonder why that is.
00:04:44Well, off the top of my head,
00:04:46I'd say we don't have a lot in common
00:04:48except for the people we're involved with.
00:04:50Plus, when we first met,
00:04:52Penny warned me never to get into a car alone with you.
00:04:56Yeah.
00:04:58You know, I bet you and I
00:05:00have more in common than we think.
00:05:02Such as?
00:05:04I don't know.
00:05:06Tell me some things you like.
00:05:08Let's see. I like harps,
00:05:10little house on the prairie,
00:05:12medieval poetry, medieval literature.
00:05:14Hey, how about some music?
00:05:16Great.
00:05:18Sheldon never lets me listen to music in the car.
00:05:20He doesn't want to be mistaken for a gang member.
00:05:24Find something you like.
00:05:26Beatles. Boring.
00:05:28Eminem. Scary.
00:05:30Weird Al. How old are you?
00:05:34Neil Diamond.
00:05:36Yeah. I love Neil Diamond.
00:05:38I love Neil Diamond.
00:05:44I've reconsidered.
00:05:46You can't work where I work. Enjoy the rest of your evening.
00:05:48Sheldon.
00:05:50I already signed the contract.
00:05:52I cashed a check.
00:05:54You are not going to come out of this looking good.
00:05:58Sheldon, I don't understand. I thought you said you were fine with it.
00:06:00I was.
00:06:02But that was before Howard explained to me
00:06:04if he had to work with his significant other.
00:06:06He said what?
00:06:10Now don't be insulted.
00:06:12He just thinks too much of you would be mind-numbingly tedious.
00:06:16Excuse me. I need to have a chat with my husband.
00:06:18Now what? Keep it short.
00:06:20From what I gather, brevity is your friend.
00:06:24So are we good here?
00:06:28Listen to me. Sheldon misunderstood.
00:06:30What I meant was if we work together,
00:06:32it would be too much of me for you.
00:06:34Not the other way around.
00:06:36Howard, if you're going to lie to your wife,
00:06:38don't start the sentence with
00:06:40Sheldon misunderstood.
00:06:42That's a dead giveaway.
00:06:44Well?
00:06:46Okay. Fine. I did say that, and I think it's true.
00:06:48I think if we work together and live together,
00:06:50we'd get sick of each other.
00:06:52Yeah, but to be fair, he only said the part about him getting sick of you.
00:06:54For the love of God, why?
00:06:56What exactly do you think you'd get sick of?
00:06:58There's only options here.
00:07:00To fake a heart attack or have a real one.
00:07:02It's nothing in particular.
00:07:04Is it my voice?
00:07:06Am I too bossy?
00:07:08My arm is feeling numb.
00:07:12Nailed it.
00:07:16That's the wrong arm for a heart attack, doofus.
00:07:18Nailed it.
00:07:20Nailed it.
00:07:22Nailed it.
00:07:24Doofus.
00:07:26Sheldon, I know you're in the zone, but do you want some tea?
00:07:32All right, I can't believe I'm going to say this,
00:07:34but you haven't spoken in hours,
00:07:36and I'm starting to get worried.
00:07:38Please say something.
00:07:40Leonard, prepare to be humbled and weep
00:07:42at the glory of my genius.
00:07:44Nope.
00:07:46It was better before.
00:07:48Look at it.
00:07:50I feel like my mind just made a baby.
00:07:54And it's beautiful.
00:07:56It's not like human babies,
00:07:58which are loud and covered in goop.
00:08:00Holy crap, Sheldon.
00:08:02Did you just figure out a method
00:08:04for synthesizing a new, stable,
00:08:06super-heavy element?
00:08:08Did I?
00:08:10Well, that can't be right.
00:08:12No one's ever done that before.
00:08:14Except me, because I just did it!
00:08:16Sheldon and his brain, yeah!
00:08:18Sheldon and his brain, yeah!
00:08:20Sheldon and his brain, yeah!
00:08:22Sheldon and his brain, yeah!
00:08:24Excuse me.
00:08:28Is it at all possible
00:08:30that you're knitting a pair of pants?
00:08:34Oh, you're understandably terrified.
00:08:36Allow me to explain.
00:08:38Forty-five days ago,
00:08:40I embarked on a railroad journey
00:08:42of healing,
00:08:44because when my university was making me
00:08:46do string theory,
00:08:48my favorite comic book store burned down,
00:08:50and when my roommate got engaged,
00:08:52my girlfriend wanted to move in with me,
00:08:54which was no doubt a ploy
00:08:56just to see my, well, excuse my language,
00:08:58but my bathing suit parts.
00:09:02Sir, may I use your phone?
00:09:04I don't think so.
00:09:06I understand that I'm half-naked,
00:09:08but there is a reasonable explanation.
00:09:10While I slept in my sleeper car,
00:09:12all my possessions were stolen.
00:09:14Now, typically, I wear pajamas,
00:09:16but I recently adopted
00:09:18a hobo lifestyle,
00:09:20and pajamas are the sleep pants of the man.
00:09:24I'll have you know,
00:09:26Mahatma Gandhi wore no pants,
00:09:28and a nation rallied behind him.
00:09:30My good man,
00:09:32now, before you walk away,
00:09:34I know that I may appear deranged,
00:09:36but I am, in fact,
00:09:38a world-renowned physicist.
00:09:40Ask me the difference
00:09:42between a boson and a fermion.
00:09:44Go ahead, ask.
00:09:46Bosons have integer spin.
00:09:48Fermions have half-integer spin.
00:09:50My legs are getting cold.
00:09:52Why won't anybody help me?
00:09:54Next question.
00:09:56For the Butterfinger,
00:09:58how long is a galactic year?
00:10:00250 million years.
00:10:02Yes!
00:10:04Yay!
00:10:06Okay, this one is for a Cadbury cream egg.
00:10:08Oh!
00:10:10It's not even Easter time.
00:10:12This is crazy.
00:10:14Which Archimedean solid
00:10:16has 20 regular triangular faces,
00:10:1830 square faces,
00:10:2012 pentagonal faces,
00:10:2260 vertices, and 120 edges?
00:10:24The rhombicosyndromicahedron!
00:10:26Yes!
00:10:28Yay!
00:10:30We are so smart.
00:10:32Why didn't girls like us in high school?
00:10:34Because we were awkward and weird
00:10:36and couldn't play sports.
00:10:38Right again.
00:10:40The first pitch will be thrown out
00:10:42by Tom Walloway.
00:10:50Can he really throw a ball?
00:10:52On our Quidditch team, he does.
00:10:54Yeah, that's a no.
00:10:56I have a message
00:10:58for the young people here today.
00:11:00When I was asked to throw
00:11:02the first pitch,
00:11:04a little voice in my head
00:11:06said I couldn't do it.
00:11:08So I practiced
00:11:10and practiced
00:11:12and you know what?
00:11:14That little voice
00:11:16was right.
00:11:18But
00:11:20then I remembered
00:11:22that I'm not an athlete.
00:11:24I'm a scientist.
00:11:26So today's first pitch
00:11:28will be delivered
00:11:30to home plate by science.
00:11:32Ladies and gentlemen,
00:11:34boys and girls, I present to you
00:11:36a working prototype
00:11:38of the Mars Rover!
00:11:46And here's the wind-up
00:11:48and the pitch!
00:12:02Why is it going so slow?
00:12:04Because I'm an idiot
00:12:06who didn't think this through!
00:12:08Okay, new plan.
00:12:10We go to Disneyland,
00:12:12play hide-and-seek on Tom Sawyer's
00:12:14island, and then come back
00:12:16and see the end of the pitch.
00:12:28Okay, well, it isn't going to make it
00:12:30go any faster!
00:12:32Are there some ways
00:12:34we could set our comic book store
00:12:36apart from the competition?
00:12:38Kids buy comic books. It would be great to figure out
00:12:40a way to get more kids in the store.
00:12:42You know, when I was a kid, I loved going there,
00:12:44but I could never get a ride.
00:12:46What if you got a van and drove around
00:12:48and picked kids up?
00:12:54Nice!
00:12:58Like at parks and schools.
00:13:00Toy stores? Puppet shows?
00:13:04Hold on. So,
00:13:06your idea is to get a van
00:13:08and cruise the streets looking for kids
00:13:10to pick up?
00:13:12Yes.
00:13:16And are you going to use candy
00:13:18to lure them in?
00:13:22We are now! Hold on. Pause.
00:13:24Something doesn't make sense.
00:13:26Look.
00:13:28In 2015,
00:13:30Biff steals the Sports Almanac
00:13:32and takes the time machine back to
00:13:341955 to give it to his younger self.
00:13:36But as soon as he does that,
00:13:38he changes the future!
00:13:40So the 2015 he returns to
00:13:42would be a different 2015,
00:13:44not the 2015 that Marty and Doc were in.
00:13:46This is hot tub time machine
00:13:48all over again.
00:13:52If future Biff goes back to 2015
00:13:54right after he gives young Biff
00:13:56the Almanac, he could get back to
00:13:58the 2015 with Marty and Doc in it.
00:14:00Because it wasn't until his 21st
00:14:02birthday that 1955
00:14:04Biff placed his first bet.
00:14:06Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is placed right?
00:14:08What do you mean?
00:14:10Is placed the right tense for something
00:14:12that would have happened in the future of a past
00:14:14that was affected by something from the future?
00:14:18Had will have placed?
00:14:20That's my boy.
00:14:24Okay. So,
00:14:26it wasn't until his 21st birthday
00:14:28that Biff had will have placed his first bet
00:14:30and made his millions. That's when he
00:14:32altered the timeline.
00:14:34But he had will haven't placed it.
00:14:38What?
00:14:40Unlike hot tub
00:14:42time machine, this couldn't be more simple.
00:14:44When Biff gets the Almanac
00:14:46in 1955, the alternate
00:14:48future he creates isn't the one
00:14:50in which Marty and Doc Brown ever used the
00:14:52time machine to travel to 2015.
00:14:54Therefore, in the new timeline,
00:14:56Marty and Doc never brought the time machine.
00:14:58Really? Is brought right?
00:15:04Marty and Doc
00:15:06never had have had brought?
00:15:10I don't know. You did it to me.
00:15:14I'm going with it. Marty and Doc
00:15:16never had have had brought the time
00:15:18machine to 2015. That
00:15:20means 2015 Biff could
00:15:22also not had have had brought the
00:15:24Almanac to 1955
00:15:26Biff. Therefore, the
00:15:28timeline in which 1955
00:15:30Biff gets the Almanac is also
00:15:32the timeline in which 1955 Biff
00:15:34never gets the Almanac. And
00:15:36not just never gets. Never have,
00:15:38never hasn't, never had have hasn't.
00:15:46He's right.
00:15:48What about the late fees on our
00:15:50credit card because somebody didn't pay the bill on time?
00:15:52Well, maybe I would have paid it if I wasn't also
00:15:54doing everything else around here.
00:15:56Oh, you're saying I don't do anything around here?
00:16:00Look at my torture.
00:16:04She made him a torture. I see it.
00:16:06Do the
00:16:08dishes. There's a star right there.
00:16:10That was a pity star. Putting
00:16:12water in the roasting pan and leaving it in the
00:16:14sink is not doing the dishes.
00:16:16That pan had to
00:16:18soak and you know it.
00:16:20Well,
00:16:22don't come crying to me when you don't get your allowance.
00:16:24It's not an allowance.
00:16:26It's a stipend and we said we
00:16:28weren't going to call it an allowance in front of
00:16:30my friends.
00:16:34I usually
00:16:36don't like lemon bars but these
00:16:38are really good.
00:16:42Oh my
00:16:44God.
00:16:46Leonard, I was wrong.
00:16:48Heaven does exist
00:16:50and it's in the
00:16:52basement of a urologist's house in Sherman
00:16:54Oaks.
00:16:56Welcome to my
00:16:58fortress of solitude.
00:17:00This is where I go to get away
00:17:02from all my
00:17:04other solitude.
00:17:08Come on, it's a replica.
00:17:10Original.
00:17:12I think I just cheated on my wife.
00:17:14The gun
00:17:16from Hellboy.
00:17:18How did you get it?
00:17:20Bought it at auction.
00:17:22I was hoping for a juicy tidbit about
00:17:24Ron Perlman's testicles.
00:17:28Oliver, I'm going to play bingo.
00:17:30Okay, mother. Have fun.
00:17:32Still lives with his mom.
00:17:34Yikes, right?
00:17:38Yeah, I'm not quite sure how to respond.
00:17:40Wow.
00:17:42Donkey Kong.
00:17:44This was my game when I was a kid.
00:17:46Because it's a story of a
00:17:48pretty blonde girl tirelessly pursued
00:17:50by a small, oddly shaped man?
00:17:54No,
00:17:56because I liked it.
00:17:58Don't get defensive.
00:18:00You're oddly shaped but you got the girl.
00:18:10Next game, let's switch helmets.
00:18:12No, I'd look silly in that helmet.
00:18:16Have either of you prepared your own vows?
00:18:18Yes. No.
00:18:20You wrote vows?
00:18:22Yeah.
00:18:24I don't have any. You're kind of making me look bad.
00:18:28It's okay. I don't have to say them.
00:18:30No, go ahead. I'll come up with something mushy.
00:18:32You'll cry. We got this.
00:18:36Penny, we are made of
00:18:38particles that have existed since
00:18:40the moment the universe began.
00:18:42I like to think those atoms traveled
00:18:4414 billion years through time and space
00:18:46to create us so that we
00:18:48could be together and make each other whole.
00:18:52Wow.
00:18:54Penny?
00:18:58Okay.
00:19:02Leonard,
00:19:04you're not only the love of my life,
00:19:06you're my best friend and
00:19:10you've got a friend in me.
00:19:16You got troubles,
00:19:18I got them too.
00:19:22There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you.
00:19:26We stick together and we can see it through
00:19:28because
00:19:30you've got a friend in me.
00:19:33Is that the song from Toy Story?
00:19:35He loves that movie.
00:19:37I do.
00:19:39I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper
00:19:41and welcome to Sheldon Cooper Presents
00:19:43Fun With Flags.
00:19:45You may notice that I'm holding a remote control.
00:19:47That's because my camera person and
00:19:49co-host, Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler,
00:19:51has chosen to end her relationship with me.
00:19:56I'm going to pause here to let that sink in.
00:20:03Okay.
00:20:05If you need to pause a little longer,
00:20:07just click the pause button.
00:20:09But,
00:20:11the show must go on
00:20:13and thankfully all the things my girlfriend used to do
00:20:15can be taken care of with my right hand.
00:20:24Anyway, let's not spend any more time
00:20:26talking about her.
00:20:28We're here to talk about flags.
00:20:30Tonight's theme,
00:20:32flags of countries that have been torn apart
00:20:34and the women I have a feeling were responsible.
00:20:40And then the Czech Republic says to Slovakia,
00:20:42I don't think you understand how being broken up works.
00:20:46Do you believe that?
00:20:48You think that the Czech Republic would try to hold on to what it had
00:20:50given that it's not as young as it used to be
00:20:52and I don't see any other countries lining up
00:20:54to invade its southern borders.
00:20:57I'm going to kill him.
00:21:00But enough about the Czech Republic.
00:21:02Let's talk about the time Moldova
00:21:04made Romania a birthday cake
00:21:06and Romania said it tasted good even though it didn't.
00:21:08And yet Romania gets dumped.
00:21:10I'll pause here while you mull that one over.
00:21:15I know, right?
00:21:17When did you learn how to change a tile?
00:21:19Every self-respecting gentleman
00:21:21should know how
00:21:23in case he comes across a damsel in distress
00:21:25by the side of the road.
00:21:27If I see one scorpion,
00:21:29I'm getting on someone's shoulders and never coming down.
00:21:31And there's your damsel.
00:21:35Wow, this one's really stuck.
00:21:37Are you turning it the right way?
00:21:39No.
00:21:41I took the other four off
00:21:43and when I got to this one, I thought,
00:21:45no, I'm in a rut. Let's shake things up.
00:21:47Here, let me try.
00:21:53You're right.
00:21:55It doesn't turn the other way.
00:22:01All right.
00:22:03This rust combined with the aluminum
00:22:05recovered from the van is now thermite.
00:22:07All right.
00:22:09A couple pinches ought to do the trick.
00:22:11Is that enough to melt the lug nut?
00:22:13Well, let's start small. We can always add more.
00:22:15You put up a good fight, lug nut.
00:22:17But you've met
00:22:19your catch.
00:22:25Hey, look!
00:22:39Hey, look, the lug nut's off.
00:22:41I just need to ask you
00:22:43a few standard questions.
00:22:45Sure.
00:22:47It says here you're a chemist.
00:22:49Which element on the periodic table
00:22:51do you feel is too big for its britches?
00:22:55Is that supposed to be a joke?
00:22:57Looks like argon's
00:22:59not the only one with an attitude problem.
00:23:03In general, would you say that you smell
00:23:05better, worse, or the same
00:23:07as you do right now?
00:23:11I was going to ask you
00:23:13what is the best fruit, but then I realized
00:23:15what I want to ask you is
00:23:17why is there a band-aid on your forearm?
00:23:19But then I realized what I really want to ask you is
00:23:21can you just go?
00:23:25You're healthy, you have a job
00:23:27in the sciences. I've got to say,
00:23:29if this credit report comes back good,
00:23:31you're the frontrunner.
00:23:35Okay, show me on guard.
00:23:37Good.
00:23:39Knees bent, swipe me over the toe.
00:23:41Non-sword hand up for
00:23:43balance.
00:23:45I am going to feel this tomorrow.
00:23:47The first move
00:23:49is called an advance.
00:23:51You move your front foot forward, heel to toe.
00:23:53Back foot follows.
00:23:55So, front foot forward, heel to toe.
00:23:57Back foot follows.
00:23:59Now you try. Advance.
00:24:01And advance.
00:24:03And advance.
00:24:05This is easy. I didn't need to wear a cup.
00:24:09Good. This next move is called a retreat.
00:24:11Step back.
00:24:13Back foot first, toe to heel.
00:24:15Front foot follows.
00:24:17On three. Excuse me, Barry.
00:24:19Yes? When can I stab one of my friends?
00:24:23In fencing, we don't call it a stab.
00:24:25We call it a touch. Yes, I'm aware.
00:24:27But if I say I want to touch one of my friends,
00:24:29I'll get called into human resources.
00:24:31Okay. On three.
00:24:33Cooper and Kuthwapowee.
00:24:35Advance. The other two retreat.
00:24:37One, two, three.
00:24:39Very good.
00:24:41Switch it up. One, two, three.
00:24:43Switch again.
00:24:45One, two, three.
00:24:47Excuse me.
00:24:49Excuse me.
00:24:51I'm sorry, Dad.
00:24:53No, I'm teaching a class.
00:25:01Yeah. Okay.
00:25:03Okay. Yeah.
00:25:05Okay. Thanks.
00:25:07And one, two, three.
00:25:09Son, put the app on your phone.
00:25:11Yeah, Stuart got two dates with it.
00:25:13One of which would have ended in sex
00:25:15had she not said no.
00:25:17Okay, all set.
00:25:19Okay, let me see.
00:25:21Nope. Nope.
00:25:23Nope. Oh, he's cute.
00:25:25Doesn't a teardrop tattoo
00:25:27mean he murdered someone?
00:25:31And he's sad about it.
00:25:33Hey.
00:25:35Hello. Hey.
00:25:37I thought you were going to be out late.
00:25:39If you wanted me to stay out later,
00:25:41you should have given me more spending money.
00:25:43What are you guys up to?
00:25:45We're just hanging out and we're seeing what's out there.
00:25:47Oh, fun. Let me see.
00:25:49Uh, no.
00:25:51No.
00:25:53Definitely not.
00:25:55What was wrong with that guy?
00:25:57He's Indian. We've already got one of those.
00:25:59Ooh.
00:26:01We should find a nice Latino.
00:26:03Really round us out.
00:26:05I want to try.
00:26:07Excuse me. Can I have my phone back?
00:26:09Hang on. I'm trying to find you the next great love of your life.
00:26:11The man who will father your children.
00:26:13Treadlock.
00:26:15Psst. Hey, kid.
00:26:17What?
00:26:21You look tired.
00:26:23Why don't you have an energy drink?
00:26:25Everyone's doing it.
00:26:27Oh, no. Thank you.
00:26:29Those have caffeine in them.
00:26:31Oh, sorry. I thought you were cool.
00:26:35I am cool.
00:26:37This is Yoohoo.
00:26:39Chocolate milk's delicious watery cousins.
00:26:41All right.
00:26:43But if you ever want to feel like you have superpowers,
00:26:45try one of these.
00:26:47Superheroes take
00:26:49performance-enhancing chemicals?
00:26:51You bet.
00:26:53You know why Hulk is so strong?
00:26:55Steroids.
00:26:57You know why Batman
00:26:59wanders around at night getting into fights?
00:27:01Scotch.
00:27:05I am facing
00:27:07a great deal of work.
00:27:09I do like things better
00:27:11when famous people also like them.
00:27:13Here.
00:27:15It's on the house.
00:27:17The first one's
00:27:19free?
00:27:21Flash, how do you stay in business?
00:27:23You want to know my secret?
00:27:25I bought stock in Marvel.
00:27:29I need to say something
00:27:31to someone pretty special,
00:27:33and I just
00:27:35can't wait any longer.
00:27:37What is happening?
00:27:39Leonard.
00:27:43You and I
00:27:45have our ups and downs,
00:27:47but I have always considered
00:27:49you my family,
00:27:51even before the recent threat
00:27:53of our parents fornicating like wrinkly old
00:27:55rabbits.
00:28:01I don't always show it,
00:28:03but you are of great importance to me.
00:28:07Both of you.
00:28:11Okay.
00:28:13I now pronounce you husband and wife.
00:28:17And weird other husband who came with the apartment.
00:28:21This is my friend Penny.
00:28:23Hi. Hey, come on in.
00:28:25I'm going to go turn on some rock music.
00:28:27That's a geology joke.
00:28:29Or it's a geologist.
00:28:31And a joker.
00:28:33How early are we?
00:28:35Oh, actually, we're an hour late.
00:28:37I suddenly wish
00:28:39Sheldon was here.
00:28:47So should we
00:28:49talk to each other or mingle?
00:28:53I don't know where everyone is.
00:28:55Yeah, I mean, I could see him eating
00:28:57one or two guests, but not a whole party.
00:28:59Well,
00:29:01I guess this is kind of a bust.
00:29:03You don't have to stay.
00:29:05I'm going to start cleaning up.
00:29:07Okay.
00:29:09I feel so bad about leaving him here.
00:29:11That's funny. I was just thinking the same thing about you.
00:29:15Hey, listen.
00:29:17Do you not see anything about this to the people at the university?
00:29:19You know,
00:29:21because you're you and I'm me
00:29:23and it's kind of embarrassing.
00:29:25Wait, what do you mean she's her?
00:29:27Well, you know how Amy's the coolest girl on campus, right?
00:29:29No.
00:29:31Oh, yeah.
00:29:33Everybody thinks so.
00:29:35What? You tell me about your foot fungus,
00:29:37but this is a secret?
00:29:39I'm sure it's just because
00:29:41I'm dating Sheldon.
00:29:43Actually, I think Sheldon's popular
00:29:45because he's dating you.
00:29:47Now Sheldon's popular?
00:29:49What is happening?
00:29:51I'm the son of a gynecologist.
00:29:53I could be helpful.
00:29:55Please stop telling me I have a textbook cervix.
00:29:59The polite response is thank you for noticing.
00:30:05Let me see the sonogram again.
00:30:07Oh, yeah.
00:30:09That's a good-looking baby for a little grey blob.
00:30:11Yeah, we could name him Blobbert.
00:30:15What if it's a girl?
00:30:17Bloberta.
00:30:19Or Blobby with an I.
00:30:21Are we being silly not finding out the sex?
00:30:23I was just thinking the same thing.
00:30:25If you want,
00:30:27you can find out right now.
00:30:29The doctor's gone for a day,
00:30:31so it doesn't matter.
00:30:33Or somebody else knows because they saw it in the folder.
00:30:35You looked in our folder?
00:30:37It was an accident.
00:30:39The doctor left the folder out on a desk.
00:30:41It's not my fault I opened it and looked.
00:30:43So you know the sex of our baby
00:30:45and we don't?
00:30:47Flip a coin.
00:30:49You got a 50-50 shot.
00:30:51Unbelievable.
00:30:53But this is not a problem, okay?
00:30:55If you don't want to know, I don't have to tell you.
00:30:57We don't want you to know.
00:30:59Okay, well, that's a problem.
00:31:01Which side of the bed would you prefer?
00:31:03Doesn't matter to me.
00:31:05Your choice.
00:31:07No, no. We're living together now. Everything's equal.
00:31:09I know that I have a tendency to be controlling,
00:31:11so I would rather you choose.
00:31:13Well, Sheldon, I really appreciate that,
00:31:15but these things mean more to you than they do to me,
00:31:17so whatever you want.
00:31:19Not whatever I want, because what I want
00:31:21is for you to make this decision, and you refuse to do that.
00:31:23Well, I'm not refusing.
00:31:25I'm just trying to be considerate.
00:31:27Like when you let me get those shoes
00:31:29with the wheels on the bottom and then watched me roll right into traffic?
00:31:31Sheldon, will you please just pick a side?
00:31:33Fine.
00:31:41Now, on this side,
00:31:43I am closer to the exit
00:31:45in case of emergency.
00:31:47Great. That's your side.
00:31:49No, but I'm also closer to the entrance
00:31:51in case of attack.
00:31:53Okay.
00:31:55I'll take that side.
00:31:57Ah, then again, what are the odds of someone attacking me?
00:31:59Rising rapidly.
00:32:03Now, this side offers me proximity
00:32:05to the bathroom, but I am
00:32:07closer to the window where perverts
00:32:09can watch me sleep.
00:32:11Okay.
00:32:13What if we do this?
00:32:17I suppose that works.
00:32:19Great.
00:32:23Although now I'm kind of worried
00:32:25someone's hiding behind those drapes.
00:32:27I am willing to
00:32:29forego the bathroom schedule.
00:32:31Really?
00:32:33Why does she get that? We never got that.
00:32:35Do you want him back?
00:32:37I'm very happy for you.
00:32:41Amy, you should know
00:32:43I was never really interested in seeing other women.
00:32:45And to prove how serious
00:32:47I am about us,
00:32:49I'm willing to take our relationship
00:32:51to the next level.
00:32:53Amy Fairfowler,
00:32:55will you share
00:32:57this toothbrush holder with me?
00:33:01I would love to.
00:33:09Did we really need to be here for this?
00:33:11Call me crazy,
00:33:13but I found it moving.
00:33:17Until Amy's apartment is fixed,
00:33:19she and I are living here together.
00:33:21I lived with my old girlfriend.
00:33:23She was a geologist too.
00:33:25Things didn't work out?
00:33:27I came home from work one day
00:33:29and she had taken everything.
00:33:31I'm warning you.
00:33:33Hide your good rocks.
00:33:35My sister's husband
00:33:37took all her things too.
00:33:39Story at 11.
00:33:43Really? No one else is coming?
00:33:47This is it.
00:33:49You are the practice round.
00:33:51Practice round? For what?
00:33:53No, he just means that
00:33:55you were the first people we thought of.
00:33:57Exactly. We've never thrown a brunch before
00:33:59and I wanted to work out all the kinks.
00:34:01So, I'm like
00:34:03a lab rat
00:34:05before your real friends come over?
00:34:07Hmm.
00:34:09You see,
00:34:11your words sound reasonable,
00:34:13but your face looks angry.
00:34:15Help me out here.
00:34:17This is not where I shine.
00:34:19Stuart, you know you're one of our favorite people.
00:34:21Okay, now see, you look sincere,
00:34:23but your words are completely false.
00:34:25Now we do this test run.
00:34:27These brunches are wild.
00:34:33Hello, Leonard.
00:34:35Hi, Leonard.
00:34:37I was gonna write you an email,
00:34:39but I'm a little drunk
00:34:41and spelling is a sober person's game.
00:34:47I feel I owe you a splenation.
00:34:51I'm sorry.
00:34:53A splenation.
00:34:55Penny?
00:34:57Penny?
00:34:59Sheldon, go away. I'm making a video.
00:35:01I'm sorry. I'll come back
00:35:03when you're alone.
00:35:05No, no, no, I am alone.
00:35:07I'm just telling Leonard why I broke up with him.
00:35:09Oh, he knows.
00:35:11The video I want to see is why you went out
00:35:13with him in the first place.
00:35:15I went out with him
00:35:17because he's great.
00:35:19If I kept going out with him, I probably would have married him.
00:35:21It's a little scary
00:35:23because I just don't think I'm ready for that.
00:35:25Plus, I have got to learn
00:35:27how to spell Hofstetter.
00:35:29I know there's
00:35:31a D in there, but it keeps moving
00:35:33every time I try and write it.
00:35:35Sheldon, what do I do?
00:35:39Try to pass out face down
00:35:41so you don't choke on your vomit.
00:35:43I am not
00:35:45gonna pass out.
00:35:47But thank you anyway.
00:35:53Wow.
00:35:55I know.
00:35:57There's like two more hours of her just lying there.
00:36:01Oh,
00:36:03you love me so much.
00:36:05I married you, jackass.
00:36:07No, not just
00:36:09out of pity, like everyone said at her wedding
00:36:11toast.
00:36:13You want to see the part where she falls off the chair?
00:36:15Totally.
00:36:25Dr. Zane, Dr. Harris, this is my
00:36:27fiancé, Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
00:36:29That's the first time I've said that, and it kind of gave me the goosebumps.
00:36:33Dr. Cooper, we are so excited
00:36:35to meet you. Oh, that's very
00:36:37kind of you. If you'd like,
00:36:39I could autograph your menus after
00:36:41dinner, but I'll see those on eBay.
00:36:45No, no, no. We're just excited to meet the man
00:36:47who landed this brilliant woman here.
00:36:49Oh, that wasn't hard.
00:36:51She threw herself at me.
00:36:53Now, getting
00:36:55the universe to show me its naughty bits,
00:36:57that took some doing.
00:37:01Sheldon's a physicist.
00:37:03Oh, that's nice.
00:37:07Amy, I recently read your paper
00:37:09on lesions in the olfactory receptors in the brain.
00:37:11It was
00:37:13inspired.
00:37:15I guess it didn't stink, but if it did, that rat
00:37:17wouldn't have known it.
00:37:19I'm sorry. I'm sure
00:37:21you don't want to sit here and listen to a bunch of work talk.
00:37:23Oh, no, I love it.
00:37:25Let's talk about work. Amy's work,
00:37:27my work. Why don't we start with my work?
00:37:29Actually, I do have
00:37:31a question for Dr. Cooper.
00:37:33When Amy first told you about her approach to
00:37:35synaptic tracing, did you think it was going to
00:37:37revolutionize the field?
00:37:39Really?
00:37:41That's your question?
00:37:43What are you, Entertainment Tonight?
00:37:45You know what?
00:37:47I'm going to give you a better question.
00:37:49Dr. Cooper, I heard you were working on
00:37:51a top-secret project for the U.S. military.
00:37:53Why don't you tell us about that?
00:37:55That's a great question.
00:37:57Okay. What was that like?
00:37:59I can't tell you. That is top-secret.
00:38:01Hi. You wanted to see me?
00:38:03Yes. I wanted to talk to you about
00:38:05the email you sent me last night.
00:38:07I sent you an email?
00:38:11You bet you did.
00:38:13Hello.
00:38:15Shalom and aloha from the
00:38:17grave of Richard Feynman.
00:38:19Oh, it's coming back to me.
00:38:21Please accept the following
00:38:23retraction. I know I said
00:38:25physics is dead, but it is the
00:38:27opposite of dead. If anything,
00:38:29it is undead. Like a zombie.
00:38:33Speaking of which, if Richard Feynman
00:38:35came back as a zombie, I would
00:38:37totally let him bite me.
00:38:41Any chance that's the end?
00:38:43I got bit by a squirrel once.
00:38:47I had to get rabies shots.
00:38:49I cried so much.
00:38:51My mother said, don't be a baby.
00:38:53In conclusion, physics
00:38:55is great, squirrels suck,
00:38:57and someday I'm gonna put my
00:38:59mom in a cheap nursing home.
00:39:03Yours truly, XOXO
00:39:05Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.
00:39:07I can explain. P.S.
00:39:11Can you come pick us up? The Uber driver
00:39:13won't open the door because Sheldon
00:39:15is covered in blue vomit.
00:39:19I don't care.
00:39:21You know me, I just go with the flow.
00:39:27Beach, public pool,
00:39:29they both sound awesome.
00:39:33On second thought,
00:39:35beach. I'd like to befriend
00:39:37a seagull.
00:39:39That is crazy.
00:39:41Yeah. Will you email that
00:39:43to me?
00:39:45Have you played this for him?
00:39:47No, I'm worried he'll say I violated
00:39:49his privacy. Listen how
00:39:51happy he sounds. I'm up for
00:39:53anything. As long as
00:39:55I'm with you.
00:39:57What are you listening to?
00:39:59Nothing. Oh come on,
00:40:01I wanna hear.
00:40:03We don't need
00:40:05GPS.
00:40:07Let's just see where the road takes us.
00:40:11I see why you turned it off. That guy sounds
00:40:13like an idiot.
00:40:15Honey, that's you.
00:40:17Don't be silly. My voice is
00:40:19deep and sonorous.
00:40:21Like a Caucasian James Earl Jones.
00:40:25Luke, I am your father. See?
00:40:27It is you.
00:40:29I recorded you in your sleep.
00:40:31Oh look, a
00:40:33hitchhiker.
00:40:35I bet he has some interesting stories.
00:40:39That's me? It's you.
00:40:41So you spied on me
00:40:43in my sleep? Sheldon, I'm sorry.
00:40:45You've been doing this every night.
00:40:47I couldn't help but wonder if it meant something.
00:40:49Well it doesn't. Are you sure?
00:40:51I mean the prefrontal cortex
00:40:53regulates impulse control
00:40:55so it's plausible that when we're asleep
00:40:57aspects of our personality that we repress
00:40:59might come out.
00:41:01Don't try to put science lipstick on your new age
00:41:03pig.
00:41:05And for the record, you make noises when you sleep
00:41:07and I've never accused you of repressing your inner
00:41:09chainsaw.
00:41:13If you want me to object
00:41:15at your wedding, just give me one of these.
00:41:19I just wish I could make Howard feel as angry as I'm
00:41:21feeling.
00:41:23Well, maybe
00:41:25you could do something he likes
00:41:27and make him jealous.
00:41:29Like what? Have you ever read Tom Sawyer?
00:41:31No.
00:41:33Chores. He likes chores.
00:41:37Ooh, what kind of chores?
00:41:39Well, you could change the
00:41:41batteries in the smoke detectors.
00:41:43That would drive him crazy.
00:41:45That's great.
00:41:47Oh, he'll be so mad, smoke
00:41:49will be coming out of his ears.
00:41:51Yeah, then the smoke detectors will detect it.
00:41:53Wait, hold on.
00:41:55Why'd you ask me about Tom Sawyer?
00:41:57I'm just interested
00:41:59in you.
00:42:01You are sweeter than your applesauce.
00:42:07Okay, I put new batteries
00:42:09in the smoke detectors.
00:42:11Did you do the laundry? I sure did.
00:42:13Ooh, he's gonna be steamed.
00:42:15Just like his
00:42:17dress shirts.
00:42:19At least he can still clean the oven,
00:42:21so that's something.
00:42:23That's what he thinks. Where's your steel wool? Right here.
00:42:27We make quite the team.
00:42:29Sure do.
00:42:31Okay, you ready?
00:42:33Almost. I'm working on my facial expressions.
00:42:35See, I've got interested.
00:42:37Hmm.
00:42:39I've got very interested.
00:42:41Hmm.
00:42:43Enraged.
00:42:47Why would you be enraged?
00:42:49Better to have it and not need it than to need it
00:42:51and not have it.
00:42:53Okay.
00:42:57And rolling.
00:42:59Hello, I am theoretical physicist Dr. Sheldon
00:43:01Cooper, auditioning for the role of
00:43:03Professor Proton. Now, excuse me
00:43:05before I get into character.
00:43:09Hello, I am Professor Proton.
00:43:13And today, boys and girls, we're going to have
00:43:15fun with science. Did you know
00:43:17you could calculate the mass of an electron
00:43:19using household items? It's true.
00:43:21All you'll need is a pencil, some paper,
00:43:23dry ice, rubbing alcohol,
00:43:25and a spool of 50 micron thick
00:43:27cobalt 60 wire.
00:43:29And remember,
00:43:31don't put it in your mouth, or instead of becoming
00:43:33a scientist, you'll become wildly
00:43:35radioactive.
00:43:37Hang on, I have a question.
00:43:39Do you have any experiments that aren't
00:43:41life-threatening? Come on!
00:43:43That was a perfect take and you ruined it.
00:43:45Oh, look, hey, I did
00:43:47need enraged.
00:43:51Oh, boy. What?
00:43:53They cast the new Professor Proton.
00:43:55Is it Sheldon? Not exactly.
00:43:57Wheaton!
00:43:59It's Will Wheaton.
00:44:03I don't get how
00:44:05you can enjoy cricket. It makes no sense.
00:44:07Did you just come here to
00:44:09complain? Yeah, that's a sport of
00:44:11my people.
00:44:13Oh, that's Ravi Chandran
00:44:15Ashwin. He's amazing. He makes
00:44:17Hardik Pandya look like Bhuvaneshwar Kumar.
00:44:19Whoa, whoa, whoa,
00:44:21save some syllables for the rest of us.
00:44:23Hey,
00:44:25I think that's Bernadette's friend
00:44:27over there.
00:44:29Oh, yeah. Hey, Richie.
00:44:33I hope this isn't awkward.
00:44:35The last time we met, I kind of embarrassed myself.
00:44:37Let's see if you can go two-for-two.
00:44:39Hey, guys.
00:44:41Hey, are you here by yourself?
00:44:43Yeah, I couldn't convince anyone to come
00:44:45watch cricket with me. Tell me about
00:44:47a ride to drag this guy.
00:44:49You're more than
00:44:51welcome to join us if you'd like. Thanks.
00:44:57What did she say?
00:45:03Wow, that clears that up.
00:45:05She's telling the bowler
00:45:07to bowl a yorker. It's the most brutal
00:45:09ball in cricket. I was at the
00:45:11match when Shoaib bowled back-to-back
00:45:13yorkers. Well, I was there too. What a
00:45:15coincidence. Well, there were 120,000
00:45:17people at that match, so...
00:45:19Yeah, India, right? Everywhere you
00:45:21go, there's like 120,000 people.
00:45:25So, what do you think of our chances at the World Cup?
00:45:27Oh, World Cup. You know,
00:45:29it'll all depend if Kohli's batting in form.
00:45:31I know. It doesn't even matter how many all-rounders
00:45:33you have. Isn't that the truth?
00:45:35You know, I was the best leg-spinner
00:45:37in my high school. Yeah, like, I bowled the
00:45:39meanest googly. Speaking of
00:45:41googlies, I'm gonna go.
00:45:45Before Sheldon gets here, last time we did that
00:45:47he hadn't talked to us for a month.
00:45:49So do it.
00:45:51Hold on. Where is he?
00:45:53According to his text,
00:45:55he was on the second floor, then he
00:45:57stopped to tie his shoe.
00:46:01All tied, and...
00:46:03Hello! Hi!
00:46:05Sorry we're late. Amy took forever
00:46:07tying my shoe.
00:46:09Alright!
00:46:11Who's excited to see a documentary?
00:46:13Oh, I know this one. Nobody. Ever.
00:46:15Hey, this one's going to
00:46:17be great. This is about the rivalry
00:46:19between a cool renegade scientist, Nikola Tesla,
00:46:21and his arch-nemesis, Thomas Edison.
00:46:23It's the greatest scientific feud
00:46:25of all time. I mean, you can forget about
00:46:27Leibniz and Newton.
00:46:29Hold on.
00:46:31So, Tesla's the one that invented
00:46:33the electric car?
00:46:35No, Penny, no.
00:46:37The car is just named after him.
00:46:39Okay, you don't have to be so smug
00:46:41about it. You know, you went to see the movie It because
00:46:43you thought it was about scary IT guys.
00:46:47Tesla was a genius
00:46:49who invented our electrical grid.
00:46:51Edison just wanted to get rich and famous.
00:46:53Didn't he invent the light bulb?
00:46:55That's what he wants you to think, but without the foundational
00:46:57work of Ebenezer Kennersley, Warren De La Rue,
00:46:59and James Bowman Lindsay, you
00:47:01wouldn't know Edison any more than you know
00:47:03Ebenezer Kennersley, Warren De La Rue,
00:47:05or James Bowman Lindsay.
00:47:07Isn't he sexy all fired up?
00:47:09He really gets my
00:47:11current alternating, if you know what I mean.
00:47:13Edison was
00:47:15kind of a publicity hog and a bully.
00:47:17Yeah, he electrocuted an elephant named
00:47:19Topsy just to make himself famous.
00:47:21If I had an elephant named Topsy, he would want for
00:47:23nothing.
00:47:25So he'd be named Jumbo?
00:47:27And worse than that, Edison
00:47:29filmed the first on-screen kiss,
00:47:31so he's basically a pornographer.
00:47:35Although every time I put that in Wikipedia,
00:47:37someone takes it out.
00:47:41Is your current still alternating?
00:47:43We're lucky there aren't any elephants in here.
00:47:47Want to grab some lunch?
00:47:49You know what? I don't think so.
00:47:51Well, let me guess.
00:47:53You're not eating because the mean
00:47:55girl circled your chubby bits in marker.
00:47:59No, that. That right there. That's the reason.
00:48:01You're always making fun of me.
00:48:03Those are just jokes.
00:48:05It's my way of saying that we're
00:48:07friends, and it wouldn't hurt you to
00:48:09drop a few.
00:48:11See?
00:48:13No wonder I don't have any confidence.
00:48:15Come on, you can't blame that on me.
00:48:17Why not? Fifteen years
00:48:19of constant ridicule.
00:48:21I think our relationship has become toxic.
00:48:23What are you saying?
00:48:27I think you and I need to spend some time
00:48:29away from each other.
00:48:31Look, I...
00:48:33I can see you're upset, but
00:48:35I'm gonna need
00:48:37some ground rules.
00:48:39While we're apart, can I
00:48:41see other needy Indian men?
00:48:43Get out!
00:48:45On today's episode, we're gonna start with some viewer emails.
00:48:47Oh, take off your glasses so people can't see
00:48:49the password in the reflection.
00:48:51Uh, sure.
00:48:53Okay, our first email
00:48:55is from
00:48:57uh, Brad, or
00:48:59Bryant? I don't know, maybe it's Seth?
00:49:01Alright, put him back on.
00:49:03Oh.
00:49:05Oh my gosh, it's from Fermilab
00:49:07in Chicago.
00:49:09Not surprising, the Windy City.
00:49:11Great flag town.
00:49:13No, no, it's about
00:49:15our paper. A team of physicists
00:49:17confirmed super
00:49:19asymmetry. Our paper was
00:49:21right. We did it.
00:49:23We did it?
00:49:25We did it.
00:49:27We did it.
00:49:29We did it!
00:49:31We did it!
00:49:33We did it!
00:49:37Aww, remember when they only did it
00:49:39on her birthday?
00:49:41Oh, it's freezing out here.
00:49:43Do you like me to
00:49:45heat things up?
00:49:47No, I want to get in the hot tub before I lose a toe.
00:49:51Oh, that is bright.
00:49:53Yeah, a new neighbor put in floodlights.
00:49:55So,
00:49:57shall we?
00:49:59No, I don't want to take my
00:50:01robe off under a spotlight.
00:50:03This is a candle body.
00:50:05Howdy, neighbors!
00:50:07We haven't met yet. I'm Andy.
00:50:09Oh, hello! Nice to meet you.
00:50:11Your new balcony
00:50:13looks right over our fence.
00:50:15You might want to put up some trees. We can see everything.
00:50:19You can, but it's okay
00:50:21if you don't.
00:50:23So, can you turn your
00:50:25lights off? Sorry, they're motion
00:50:27censored. They'll go off in a minute.
00:50:29Just try to stay still.
00:50:31What are we gonna do
00:50:33about this?
00:50:35I say we wait until his lights go off,
00:50:37and then I make hot, motionless
00:50:39love to you.
00:50:43Don't move.
00:50:45It's go time.
00:50:47Where's Raj?
00:50:49He's working with Bert.
00:50:51They're probably cutting their stupid
00:50:53meteorite open with their stupid diamond saw.
00:50:55Are you okay?
00:50:57Yeah, I'm just a little
00:50:59rundown. It might be a head cold.
00:51:03Purell?
00:51:05Purell?
00:51:07Purell?
00:51:09Purell?
00:51:11Purell?
00:51:15Can I top anybody off?
00:51:19Why don't you go to bed?
00:51:21I'll run out and get you some medicine.
00:51:23It's okay. Stewart gave me some when I was at the comic book store.
00:51:25Really? You're taking medicine from
00:51:27Stewart?
00:51:29Doesn't he need, like, all of it?
00:51:33He's got plenty. His pill caddy's, like, this big.
00:51:37Alright, well, why don't you go to bed? I'll sleep out here on the couch.
00:51:39No, no, no. You take the bed. I'll stay out here.
00:51:41Even better. Sweet dreams, snotbag.
00:51:45I can't believe they're going to cut that with this punk-ass diamond saw.
00:51:47I can't believe they're going to cut that with this punk-ass diamond saw.
00:52:07Leonard, what are you doing?
00:52:09Showing you that this is the better way.
00:52:11Stop! Whatever's inside there is dangerous.
00:52:17Oh.
00:52:19And pretty.
00:52:25What is that?
00:52:27Ah!
00:52:29Are you okay?
00:52:31Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just
00:52:33feeling a little...
00:52:39Hungry.
00:52:41No!
00:52:43Stop eating butt!
00:52:47Keep eating butt!
00:52:51Leonard!
00:52:53Leonard!
00:52:55You're having a bad dream.
00:52:57Oh, thank God.
00:52:59I was eating my friends.
00:53:01Well, one friend and one acquaintance.
00:53:03You know what? It's okay. Two friends.
00:53:05Let me see if you're running a fever.
00:53:07Yeah.
00:53:09Oh, yeah. You're burning up.
00:53:11Ah!
00:53:13Ah!
00:53:15Geez.
00:53:17Are you okay?
00:53:19It depends. What color are my eyes?
00:53:21I don't know. Brown? No, green.
00:53:23No, wait. Brown.
00:53:25Oh, good. I'm awake.
00:53:27Hello, baby.
00:53:29Are you having a pleasant day?
00:53:31Oh, my God. This is my entire childhood.
00:53:35Leonard, Leonard, you're chaining my data.
00:53:37It's like word for word.
00:53:41How much time is left?
00:53:4335 seconds. Oh, really? He's not reacting at all.
00:53:45Sheldon, he's a baby.
00:53:47That's not how you talk to him, okay?
00:53:49Just watch.
00:53:51Hey, Hallie.
00:53:53Who's your favorite uncle?
00:53:55Uncle Coop.
00:53:59I got a dud. Let's switch.
00:54:03Keep trying. It's for science.
00:54:05Is that all I was to her? Just an experiment?
00:54:07Michael.
00:54:09Michael, you're making me look bad.
00:54:11Interact with me.
00:54:13He grabbed my finger.
00:54:15Oh, he's smiling. I'm doing it.
00:54:17That's time.
00:54:19Oh, really? Can we do one more?
00:54:21I think these guys need to get some food.
00:54:23By pushing a lever at the end of an obstacle course that we designed?
00:54:27No, by opening the door to a hangar
00:54:29and letting the airplane fly in.
00:54:31Although, Sheldon,
00:54:33maybe it could be an experiment.
00:54:35Are you suggesting we color-code their food
00:54:37so we can examine their diapers later?
00:54:41Sure.
00:54:43These diapers are going to be full of data.
00:54:47I never thought I would see Sheldon
00:54:49enjoying himself around babies so much.
00:54:53Yeah, how about that?
00:54:55So he just happened to stumble upon a book
00:54:57about experimenting with them
00:54:59the same day we were hanging out with Howard's kids.
00:55:03Yep, don't overthink it.
00:55:07Oh, my God.
00:55:09At Sleepaway Camp, my cabin was called
00:55:11Control Group.
00:55:13And the absence of side effects means that
00:55:15inflammatics can be taken in conjunction with other medications.
00:55:17It's a brand new day.
00:55:19Such a good tagline.
00:55:21I forgot, who came up with that?
00:55:23You did.
00:55:25That's right, I did.
00:55:27Okay, I know it's late. I've been working you guys really hard,
00:55:29so I have a little treat for you.
00:55:31We get to go home?
00:55:33No, you get to stay here and get vitamin B12 shots.
00:55:35Oh, my God.
00:55:37You guys are still here?
00:55:39We're happy to be here. It's a brand new day.
00:55:41It's 1215.
00:55:43It's literally a brand new day.
00:55:47Everybody go home.
00:55:49All right, fine, go.
00:55:51Get out of here. Go on.
00:55:53I think things are going
00:55:55pretty good.
00:55:57Are you aware that Dave's in the break room crying?
00:55:59Yeah, I told him if he's going to be a crybaby, go to the break room.
00:56:01I just really want to be prepared
00:56:03for this conference.
00:56:05You're going to do great.
00:56:07You really think so?
00:56:09Of course, they're scared of you, you're scared of me.
00:56:11The system works.
00:56:13Hi, I got you a surprise.
00:56:15Oh, what's the occasion?
00:56:17I heard you tell Hallie that story the other night,
00:56:19and I thought it was so sweet
00:56:21that Stuart and I turned it into a book.
00:56:23The Frightened Little Astronaut?
00:56:29That looks just like you.
00:56:31Look how tiny and scared you look.
00:56:35And the best part is,
00:56:37Stuart showed it to a publisher friend of his,
00:56:39and they're interested in it.
00:56:41That is so cool.
00:56:43Absolutely not.
00:56:45Why?
00:56:47Because I don't want the whole world to know
00:56:49I was the Frightened Little Astronaut.
00:56:53Maybe you should have called it
00:56:55the Bitchy Little Astronaut.
00:57:01Once upon a time, there was a little astronaut
00:57:03who was sitting in a rocket
00:57:05waiting to go to space.
00:57:07And while all the other astronauts
00:57:09laughed and joked,
00:57:11he stayed quiet because he had a secret.
00:57:13He was scared.
00:57:15He had another secret, too.
00:57:17He was only pretending to be scared
00:57:19when Trent the Alien came.
00:57:23Howie.
00:57:25Fine.
00:57:27There was no alien.
00:57:31There was a bossy wife, though.
00:57:33We'll get to her later.
00:57:35Hey, good news.
00:57:37They're inviting several Nobel laureates to our reception.
00:57:39Oh, great. Like who?
00:57:41Uh, Makoto Kobayashi.
00:57:43D'oh.
00:57:45What?
00:57:47I may have been less than kind to him
00:57:49about his Nobel Prize win.
00:57:51Why?
00:57:53I was jealous, angry, and new to Twitter.
00:57:55It was a dangerous combination.
00:57:57Okay, so Scratch Kobayashi.
00:57:59Uh, George Smoot's on here.
00:58:01Oh.
00:58:03We have a history.
00:58:07Sol Perlmutter?
00:58:09Oh.
00:58:11What about Kip Thorne?
00:58:13Yeah, that was a misunderstanding.
00:58:15I didn't know he was right behind me.
00:58:19So you've alienated everyone
00:58:21we need to help us?
00:58:23Well, Amy, if I'd known that someday we need them,
00:58:25I would never have insulted them.
00:58:27Well, that doesn't make it better.
00:58:29Oh.
00:58:31Well, it's also not true.
00:58:35It's for the Nobel laureates.
00:58:37We need them on our side, but unfortunately, Sheldon...
00:58:39No, unfortunately, Sheldon, that's all you gotta say.
00:58:43Well, so you need these people's support
00:58:45and you're sending them baked goods?
00:58:47Yeah, they're pretty smart.
00:58:49Don't you think they're gonna realize it's just a bribe?
00:58:51I could think, but sometimes brilliant people
00:58:53can be painfully oblivious to social cues.
00:58:57Thank you for pointing that out, Sheldon.
00:59:01Anytime.
00:59:09Sheldon Cooper?
00:59:15Sheldon Cooper?
00:59:17Pass.
00:59:21Sheldon Cooper.
00:59:23Aw.
00:59:25Oh, oatmeal raisin.
00:59:31Oh.
00:59:33It's from Saul Perlmutter.
00:59:35He sent me a picture.
00:59:37Oh, let me see.
00:59:39He arranged the cookies to spell out thank you.
00:59:43Sheldon, that word isn't thank.
00:59:47It's gotta be them.
00:59:49Hey, put it on speaker.
00:59:51Hello?
00:59:53How's it going?
00:59:57Is this Dr. Cooper and Dr. Fowler?
00:59:59Yes.
01:00:01Congratulations.
01:00:03It is my pleasure to inform you
01:00:05that you've won the Nobel Prize
01:00:07in being suckers!
01:00:13His Swedish accent was very convincing.
01:00:17This is it!
01:00:19What do you want, Howard?
01:00:21Have you heard yet?
01:00:23We haven't.
01:00:25But thank you for getting up so early to call.
01:00:27That was very thoughtful.
01:00:29Oh, please.
01:00:31We have two little kids.
01:00:33We've been up for an hour.
01:00:35Did anyone get to slap Sheldon?
01:00:37No.
01:00:39All right, well, call us when you hear.
01:00:41All right, now what?
01:00:43Oh, why don't we play a game to pass the time?
01:00:45Here, I'm thinking of a number.
01:00:47Hint, it's a cube of a cube of a prime.
01:00:49Maybe.
01:00:51Oh, that's me.
01:00:53Hello?
01:00:55Yes, this is Dr. Fowler.
01:00:59I see.
01:01:01Okay, thank you.
01:01:07We won.
01:01:15Congratulations!
01:01:17Oh, my God.
01:01:19We did it.
01:01:21I know. Can you believe it?
01:01:23That's a good point.
01:01:25What if I'm dreaming?
01:01:33We won the Nobel Prize!
01:01:47You
01:01:49You