Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Alright, the power supply is reconnected. I think we're back in business.
00:03Let's just run a few tests before we take it outside.
00:06Sheldon, we got Wi-Fi?
00:07Check.
00:08GPS?
00:09Check.
00:09Battery charge?
00:10Check.
00:11Four hours of our lives gone?
00:12Check.
00:15Alright, all systems go in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
00:26That's what my train used to do.
00:31Ready to call tech support?
00:34Give me the number.
00:37Probably wind up talking to some foreign guy who's reading from the same manual I have.
00:52It's my father, you jerks.
00:54Your call is important to us. All our technicians are busy helping other customers.
00:59Please stay on the line, and someone will be with you shortly.
01:12What happened to me?
01:17How did I become an old man, baffled by modern technology?
01:25Next thing you know, I'll be hitching my pants up to my armpits,
01:29and complaining about the awful music the kids are listening to.
01:34But it is awful, isn't it?
01:37I didn't listen to that noise.
01:43Hang on, hang on. It's working. I did it.
01:45Why do you do that?
01:46No idea, but I did it.
01:51You can't be flying it inside.
01:52I'm not flying it.
01:53Then who is?
01:54I don't know. It must be getting a Wi-Fi signal from somewhere else.
02:01Initiate landing sequence, initiate landing sequence.
02:05Hey, the camera's working. Oh look, it's me.
02:11Tech support, can I help you?
02:12Yes, it's a robot uprising. Call the police.
02:16Call the police!
02:21Oh, good, your power's out too.
02:23Why is that good?
02:25Because last month I sent the electric company a Starbucks gift card,
02:28an apology note, and a few snapshots of me in a bra.
02:33Power failure, implementing power failure protocol.
02:37What happened to all your glow-in-the-dark emergency exit stuff you had painted on the floor?
02:41Oh, that was wildly carcinogenic.
02:44Anyway, too bad you're no longer entitled to the full benefits of my friendship,
02:48because I happen to be extremely prepared for such an emergency.
02:52Please try not to see anything by this light.
02:56It's not for you.
02:58It's just a blackout. I'm sure the power will be back on soon.
03:01And I'm sure some fool in the Donner party said the snow would stop any day now.
03:07I like to think they ate him first.
03:10Yeah, I've got some candles in my apartment.
03:12Candles during a blackout? Are you mad? That's a fire hazard.
03:15No, Pasadena Water and Power recommends the far safer glow stick.
03:21You call that a glow stick?
03:28That is a glow stick.
03:31Come on, let's go.
03:32Before you go, consider this.
03:34Not only do I have a deep-cycle marine battery power source,
03:38which is more than capable of running our entertainment system,
03:40I also have all 61 episodes of the BBC series Red Dwarf.
03:46And Fiddle Faddle.
03:49All yours, if you're willing to reinstate the roommate agreement.
03:53I've got wine at my place and some bubble wrap we could pop.
04:02He'll be back. Wine and a girl in the dark. He's going to be bored out of his mind.
04:06So you see, what you're eating is not technically yogurt,
04:09because it doesn't have enough live acidophilus cultures.
04:11It's really just ice milk with carrageenan added for thickness.
04:15Oh, that's very interesting.
04:17It's also not pink and has no berries.
04:21Yeah, but it doesn't really answer my question.
04:23What was your question again?
04:25Do you want some?
04:28Right, no. I'm lactose intolerant.
04:30Right.
04:31So, gas.
04:32Yeah, got it.
04:35Good night.
04:40Good night.
04:51What are you doing?
04:52There's a draft.
04:55I don't feel a draft.
04:57Why don't we just go into your...
05:00Oh, yeah.
05:01You know, but maybe we should slow things down a little.
05:03No, no. I didn't mean to go into your apartment to go fast.
05:06No, I know.
05:08I know what you meant.
05:09It's just, this is only our first date.
05:11Yeah, okay. Sure, no problem.
05:12Why don't we just figure out where we're going
05:15and when we want to get there
05:17and then rate of speed equals distance over time.
05:23Solve for R.
05:26Or we could just wing it.
05:29That might work too.
05:31Good night, Leonard.
05:32Good night.
05:38He's coming. Screen saver.
05:45Oh, hey, Leonard. How was your date?
05:49Bite me.
05:51Uh, Penny, you want to check this out?
05:53Yeah, sure.
05:54All right, just look through here
05:55and if you want to take a picture, just push that button.
05:57Okay.
05:59Oh, what is that?
06:00Is it mercury? I'm really jonesing for mercury.
06:04I think it's a little early for mercury to be visible yet.
06:07Playing hard to get. I like that in a planet.
06:12Oh, there's something fuzzy.
06:14Is it your teen years?
06:18No.
06:19Yes.
06:20Shut up. Look.
06:22No, really, I think I see something.
06:23It could just be your eyelash.
06:25It's not an eyelash.
06:26Okay, well, take a picture. Let's see.
06:28Okay.
06:29Here.
06:34Hmm.
06:36I do see something.
06:37Told ya.
06:38What is it?
06:39I don't know.
06:40Maybe it's a comet.
06:42That would be so cool.
06:45Guys.
06:46Hey.
06:47So, guess what?
06:48That indeed was a comet last night.
06:51And it turns out no one's seen it before.
06:53Wow.
06:54Really? Look at that. I discovered a comet.
06:58What do you mean you discovered it?
07:00Well, I'm the one who saw it.
07:01In my telescope that I positioned.
07:04All you did was look into it.
07:05Well, you both discovered it.
07:07You can put both your names on the registration form.
07:09Actually, we can't.
07:10Why not?
07:11Because when I fill it out, it asks for name of discoverer,
07:14and I put Rajesh Kutrapalli.
07:15Because...
07:17Because that's who I am, and that's what I did.
07:20Are you kidding me?
07:22Well, he is the one who knew it was a comet.
07:24No, he didn't. He thought it was an eyelash.
07:27And you thought it was a fuzzy streak.
07:29I mean, do you even know what a comet is?
07:31Yeah, the thing I saw first.
07:34I honestly don't think that that qualifies as a discovery.
07:37But I took the picture.
07:38Because I told you to.
07:39Like, if a monkey took the picture, did it discover the comet?
07:42Excuse me?
07:47He didn't mean monkey.
07:48Get the hell out of my apartment.
07:50She didn't mean that.
07:51Actually, I think she did. You should go.
07:54Okay, look. I googled it.
07:56I took the picture, so it's my discovery.
07:58He stole my comet.
07:59I know, but on the other hand, do you really care?
08:02Yes, I care. This happens to me all the time.
08:04People take one look at me and assume I don't know what I'm talking about.
08:07I'm sure that's not true.
08:09I'm sorry, are you saying I don't know what I'm talking about?
08:13No, I'm not saying anything.
08:14Ever again.
08:23I'm sorry.
08:26I haven't even said anything yet.
08:27I know, but I heard your footsteps coming up the stairs and they sounded angry.
08:32They are angry. I'm mad at you.
08:34And you have every right to be.
08:36Okay, I was being a jerk.
08:38We did this together and I hogged all of the credit.
08:42And after you've been such a good friend to me over the years.
08:45Like, I wouldn't even be able to talk to women if it wasn't for you.
08:48So, I'm going to make sure that your name is on the comet.
08:53Even if it's professionally embarrassing.
08:56You know?
08:57Or maybe put me on thin ice at work.
09:00I may lose my funding.
09:03Still, uh...
09:05Still want to make this right.
09:06Good fight.
09:09Hi.
09:10Hey.
09:11What are you guys doing?
09:13We have a bunch of Bitcoin and an old laptop and it could be worth a lot of money.
09:17What? You're kidding.
09:18No, we could be sitting on a fortune.
09:20Okay, let the record show I did not marry you for the money, but you just got way more attractive.
09:25Dammit, it's not in here.
09:27Oh my god, that's right. You gave me your laptop. That was so sweet.
09:30So, you know where it is?
09:31Of course.
09:32Great.
09:33I gave it to my ex-boyfriend, Zach.
09:35No!
09:40Hi.
09:41Hey, Zach.
09:42It's so good to see you guys.
09:44Man, we should do this more often.
09:48Come over to get laptops back from you?
09:50Totally.
09:52So, do you have it?
09:53Of course I do. Penny gave it to me as a gift. You don't get rid of something like that.
10:01Huh.
10:03Alright, I'm sorry I gave away your stupid laptop.
10:06But you should be. We were broken up for like five minutes.
10:08Are you guys fighting?
10:09No.
10:10Are you fighting about whether or not you're fighting?
10:12Because I've had that fight before. Turns out we were and I lost.
10:17Leonard thinks when we broke up, it didn't bother me.
10:19That's crazy.
10:20That's crazy. When we were going out, she used to talk about you all the time.
10:23In fact, I think she only dated me because I reminded her of you.
10:31Sure.
10:34Because we're both... people?
10:38Damn right we are.
10:42Got the laptop!
10:43Hand it here.
10:45This is so exciting!
10:47Hey, when we sell the Bitcoin, are you going to pay your dad back all the money you took from him over the years?
10:51I never even crossed my mind.
10:56Okay, here's the Bitcoin folder.
10:57How much is in there?
11:01It's empty.
11:02What? That's impossible.
11:05Do you think Zach stole it?
11:07He doesn't know how to steal Bitcoin. He waves at trucks.
11:13Hmm.
11:14Who could it have been?
11:18Sheldon, what did you do?
11:20I plotted my revenge.
11:22If you get a dish, I'll serve you some cold.
11:27You stole our Bitcoin!
11:29Oh, calm down. All I did was sneak onto your computer and download your Bitcoin onto a flash drive.
11:35What?
11:36I'm not keeping it. I just wanted to watch you sweat.
11:39If you want to watch him sweat, walk up a flight of stairs with him.
11:43I've waited seven long years, but it finally happened.
11:48Where's our money?
11:49That's the best part. It's on the Batman flash drive on your keychain.
11:54You've had it in your pocket all along.
11:59Sheldon, I lost that keychain years ago.
12:08Really.
12:10Really?
12:14Did you look under things?
12:20Well, that is unfortunate.
12:22I guess we have all learned a lesson today.
12:28What was the lesson?
12:29I don't know.
12:35Huh. What's that?
12:38Ooh, Batman flash drive.
12:43Pretty cool.
12:46Huh. If I erase this, I can probably resell it for like ten bucks.
12:52Things are finally going my way.
12:56I'm still tweaking things a little bit, but this will give you the general idea of the website.
13:05So, what do you guys think?
13:08Well, pretty much any way I say that is going to hurt his feelings.
13:16Okay, what's wrong with it?
13:17What's wrong with it?
13:18Not you. I wasn't asking you.
13:22Penny?
13:23Well, it's a little juvenile. I mean, kind of looks like the MySpace page of a 13-year-old girl.
13:30No, it doesn't.
13:31Oh, please. Dateline could use it to attract predators.
13:38Penny, this is your enterprise, so it's ultimately your decision,
13:42but based on the quality of his work, I'd strongly recommend that we let Leonard go.
13:48You want to fire me?
13:49What I want is irrelevant. This is Penny's decision.
13:53Penny?
13:55Excuse me, but if I did such a bad job, then why do we already have orders?
13:58We do?
13:59Uh-huh. Look.
14:02Mrs. Fiona Fondel from Huntsville, Alabama has ordered two.
14:05No kidding. Two?
14:06Uh-huh. Look at the comments.
14:09Thank you, Penny Blossoms. These will be perfect to cover my bald spots.
14:16That is so sweet.
14:18Camouflaging bald spots? That's primarily a male concern. Perhaps we could expand our market.
14:24How are flower barrettes going to appeal to men?
14:31We add Bluetooth.
14:32Oh!
14:34Brilliant! Men love Bluetooth.
14:37Wait a minute, wait a minute. You want to make a hair barrette with Bluetooth?
14:40Penny, everything is better with Bluetooth.
14:47Holy crap, someone just ordered a thousand Penny Blossoms.
14:51Get out! Who needs a thousand sparkly flower barrettes with rhinestones?
14:57The fifth annual East Rutherford, New Jersey Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender Alliance Luau.
15:04Oh, another market to expand into. Balding gay men.
15:09And I'll bet lesbians love Bluetooth.
15:12We should get to work.
15:14Wait, wait, wait. Why does it say One Day Rush? Since when do we offer a One Day Rush?
15:18Amazon offers One Day Rush.
15:20Yeah, but they don't have to glue the books together.
15:24How the hell are we going to make a thousand Penny Blossoms in one day?
15:27Don't yell at me. I'm not manufacturing. I'm just web design.
15:31Okay, well I'm going to have to call them and cancel that order.
15:33Excuse me, but was this not your goal? Financial independence or entrepreneurial brilliance and innovation?
15:40Yeah, my brilliance and innovation, of course, but still.
15:45I just don't see how we can pull this off.
15:47Okay, that right there. That equivocation and self-doubt. That is not the American spirit.
15:54Did Davy Crockett quit at the Alamo? Did Jim Bowie?
15:58They didn't quit. They were massacred.
16:02By like a gazillion angry Mexicans.
16:07Alright, let me put it this way. Your gross receipts on this one order will be over $3,000 for one night's work.
16:15You guys get started.
16:18What are you doing?
16:19Going online to buy shoes.
16:23Okay, what do we start with? Maybe splicing some jeans? Clone a sheep? Perhaps grow a human ear on a mouse's back?
16:32Haha, I'm a freak!
16:36Well, I'm going to be doing some brainstem histology while you put yourself on the business end of a sponge and wash those beakers.
16:44Wash those beakers? Oh, I get it. A little hazing for the new fella.
16:49Better keep an eye out for shoe polish on the microscope for mad cow disease in my grilled cheese sandwich.
16:56No, I just need those beakers washed. Hippity hop, quick like a bunny.
17:00Excuse me? You have Dr. Sheldon Cooper in your lab? You're going to make him do the dishes?
17:04That's like asking the Incredible Hulk to open a pickle jar.
17:07Sheldon, you've never worked in a lab like this before. You have no experience in the field of biology.
17:15I have plenty of experience in biology. I bought a Tamagotchi in 1998 and it's still alive. Let's do this.
17:26I don't know about this, Howard.
17:28What? You're having trouble with the long-distance lovemaking? This is your answer.
17:33There are two interfaces that simulate a human mouth. You have one. Priya has one in India.
17:39When you move your lips and tongue on yours, it transmits exactly what you're doing to hers.
17:43See? Internet kissing.
17:53Did it try?
17:56I don't think so.
17:58I'll try it.
18:04Wait, like this?
18:07Almost. Really get your tongue in there to activate the motion sensor.
18:12Wait, like this?
18:14Close. Really French it.
18:25Better?
18:26Yeah, you got it. You got it.
18:28You got it.
18:31I'm impressed. This is very lifelike.
18:35Well, you just bit my tongue.
18:37Oh, I nibbled. I was being playful.
18:41Why do you have to make everything weird?
18:45Sorry.
18:51Better?
18:52Oh, yeah.
18:54I'm sure in time that this one will make me...
18:56Oh, jeepers creepers. That started up fast.
19:00I thought you might like it.
19:02Look at your 4K resolution.
19:04Next time we Skype, I'm going to count all those nostril hairs.
19:09Or you could just look into my eyes.
19:12But you only have two eyes. You got a lot of nostril hairs.
19:18Well, you know, as long as you're happy.
19:20Well, you know, as long as you're happy.
19:23You know, it's still a couple of hours until my bedtime.
19:34What did you have in mind?
19:37You look amazing.
19:43I mean, this resolution is remarkable.
19:48I really had to go home for this.
19:52Yes, but it's like you're right here in the room.
19:56And yet I'm not.
19:59But I feel like I could reach out and touch you.
20:03And yet you can't.
20:07I know.
20:11Anybody home?
20:12Hey, what are you doing here?
20:14Hey, what are you doing here?
20:16I just thought I'd stop by and say hello.
20:18What a nice surprise.
20:20I don't think you've ever seen my lab before.
20:22No, I know. It's long overdue.
20:24So, what are you doing?
20:26Better not be building a robot girlfriend.
20:29No. Although Howard was making some real strides in that area until he met Bernadette.
20:34What? You're kidding.
20:36Nope. Now the Lisatronic 3000 just sits in a box waiting for the phone to ring.
20:41Ooh, what's going on in here?
20:44Don't look in there.
20:46What, is it a secret?
20:47No, it's a nitrogen laser. It'll cook your eyeball like a soft-boiled egg.
20:52Oh, I might want to put a sign on it.
20:54Sign right there.
20:57Ah, danger, sure.
21:00What's that?
21:02That is an integrated ion trap and time-of-flight mass spectrometer.
21:06Wow, high techie techie.
21:10What's this little box?
21:12That is a pencil sharpener.
21:16Ooh, low techie techie.
21:19So, what are you working on right now?
21:21Well, it's actually pretty neat.
21:23Yeah?
21:24It's a front-projected holographic display combined with laser-based finger tracking.
21:28Here, I'll show you.
21:30You just put this pencil over here.
21:33Sharp, thanks to the machine we saw earlier.
21:37Very good.
21:39Then, a laser will map the reflective surface.
21:44And, voila.
21:47Wow, that is amazing.
21:54You know, there's a foundational idea in string theory that the whole universe may be a hologram.
21:59What do you mean?
22:01Well, the holographic principle suggests that what we all experience every day in three dimensions may really just be information on a surface located at the farthest reaches of our cosmos.
22:17So, it's possible that the whole universe is a hologram.
22:22On a surface located at the farthest reaches of our cosmos.
22:29So, it's possible that our lives are really just acting out a painting on the largest canvas in the universe.
22:39Hmm.
22:40What?
22:43Sometimes I forget how smart you are.
22:52You should visit more often.
22:57What are you doing?
23:00Take off your clothes.
23:03What? Here, now?
23:04Yeah, you got a problem with that?
23:05No, no.
23:07It's kind of crazy, I've never fooled around in the lab before.
23:10Really? Never?
23:11Nope.
23:12Well, I did have a shot with the Lisatronic, but the extension cord wasn't long enough.
23:19So, basically, this is what's called maglev technology.
23:23It uses very powerful electromagnets to create a force strong enough to overcome gravity.
23:28Here, you hold this.
23:31Whoa, that's heavy.
23:32Yeah.
23:33Oh, uh, you don't have on any jewelry, do you?
23:35No, why?
23:36Um, grad student forgot to take out one of his piercings.
23:40Now he's on a transplant list waiting for a nipple his size.
23:44Now, watch this.
23:49Whoa!
23:51That is very cool.
23:53Sometimes I like to turn this on and pretend I'm the super villain Magneto.
23:59Getting a little less cool, Leonard.
24:02But what I really am is a very smart scientist who understands the mechanics of the universe
24:07and is wearing the sexy black underwear you bought him.
24:09There we go.
24:13Have either of you done sensory deprivation before?
24:16No.
24:17Never.
24:18Okay, just a heads up, people have different experiences in the tanks.
24:22Some people experience perfect calm.
24:24Some people sleep.
24:25Some people even reported having visions.
24:27But if at any time you feel uncomfortable, just press the panic button and say BB.
24:32That's a stupid word.
24:35That's my name.
24:39What do we push if we feel uncomfortable?
24:42Alright, are you ready?
24:43I'm not saying this is why we came, but can I close the lid on him?
24:48No.
24:50No.
24:53Shall we?
24:54One second. Is the pH between 7.2 and 7.8?
24:58Yes.
24:59Is the water drained and replaced after each use?
25:01Yes.
25:02Is the saline level 30%?
25:03Yes.
25:04Does your filtration system use ultraviolet light to kill bacteria?
25:07Yes.
25:08I don't need to get in. I'm relaxed already.
25:11What's wrong?
25:17BB.
25:23What's wrong?
25:24Nothing. I just wanted to make sure it worked.
25:27Also, I changed my mind. It's fun to say your name.
25:30BB. BB. BB. BB. BB. BB.
25:36I think you should turn on the GPS.
25:38It is on.
25:40But the turn-by-turn voice option isn't on.
25:42I'd feel more safe if you'd turn on the turn-by-turn voice option.
25:46I love the turn-by-turn voice option.
25:49Has it really only been 10 miles?
25:53I'm turning it on, but just to shut you up.
25:56Leonard, bear left and continue on Interstate 210.
26:04Sounds like that fella knows what he's talking about.
26:07I'll put on my listening ears if I were you.
26:10What did you do?
26:11I found a hack online.
26:13I was able to upload MP3 recordings of my voice to your GPS.
26:17That is so cool.
26:18Counterpoint. No, it's not.
26:22Continue on Interstate 210 for five miles.
26:26Here's an interesting fact about Interstate.
26:31Really?
26:32Shh. He said it's interesting.
26:35Interstates are numbered as follows.
26:38Even-numbered routes run east and west.
26:42Odd-numbered routes run north and south.
26:46Three-digit route numbers indicate bypasses or spurs.
26:53Look, Leonard, there's a bridge. Drive off it.
26:58You know, we're not that far from Vasquez Rocks.
27:00Oh, they shot a lot of Star Trek episodes out there.
27:04We got our costumes in the trunk.
27:06We could go there and have a little photo shoot.
27:08Great idea. I haven't had a carbohydrate in two weeks.
27:12These cheekbones need to be in front of a camera before I eat a pretzel and they're gone.
27:17Yeah, it sounds fun.
27:18Oh, smashing. Now, Leonard, do you know how to get there?
27:22No.
27:23Yeah, well, luckily, someone in the car does.
27:25Recalculating.
27:28While we're waiting, do you know which president signed the Interstate Highway System Act into law?
27:36The answer, coming up in 14 miles.
27:41None of you will get it. It's Eisenhower.