Gogglebox - Season 24 Episode 7
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00I'm fascinated Miriam that you've just got the biggest spring onion in the
00:08world and you're just eating it. I mean it's not chopped up in a salad or is it
00:14not? Oh it's lovely though. I really would love you to try. Right give me a spring
00:18onion and I'll try. I'll give you a smaller one because I took the biggest.
00:22There. Have a biscuit. I don't want a biscuit. I like a bit of cheese with it.
00:29Cheese with it? No. Cheers.
00:39Oh no! Here we go. They've got him. Oh what you doing? Oh she's a chicken nugget.
00:46Isn't it embarrassing Marilyn? Oh kiss. Oh that's a bit forward. This is raunchy innit?
00:53Bring on the delves. Who's in for the finger this week innit? It's so bad it's
01:01actually good. It's actually good. What just happened? Siri, call Ofcom. In the week we
01:07bid a fond farewell to shop putter and world's strongest man Jeff Capes. We
01:12enjoyed lots of great telly. It was lads on tour again with Will and Ralph on You
01:19and Dave. Milton Keynes can I say. Yeah. It's one of the names I use. You know
01:28when you check into a hotel and you're on tour and you use a false name. I use
01:32Milton Keynes as my name. Do you? Yeah. But surely they know that's a false name when
01:37you check in. I don't know. The receptionist thinks well that's surely not your name
01:40Mr. Keynes. I've used Leighton Buzzard. I think if you're Leighton Buzzard you're an
01:46older man. A racy 80s romp got us hot under the collar on Disney Plus.
01:58He's so creepy. I know he's horrible. He's rude isn't he? No he's horrible. He's horrible but I don't believe him you see. No. We don't really believe anyone really.
02:11It's not meant to be like that is it? It's just silly cartoon fun. It's not like
02:15our show. And a wannabe rapper was looking for love on Channel 4. I paint a picture in
02:23detail. I've been feeling kind of senile. Looking for this female. When we get to
02:29the bar are you going to do a rap for me? Man you need a rap for me. It's just really hard to rhyme
02:34things with breeder. Deeder, meeder, needer. Needer? I need her. It's not called freeder. No she's
02:41called breeder. What's she called? What's she called? Yeah she's called breeder. I met a young
02:45lady called breeder. By the way. After one date. Oh I need her. Just so you know. No rappers ever
02:51started with I met a young lady called. I'm confused rap with limericks.
03:07In southwest London. I've been meaning to ask you what day does your rubbish get collected? Ah that's
03:13a good question. I think on a Thursday. When do you get yours collected? Well usually on a Tuesday.
03:19But just the other day it was Wednesday. Nobody told me. Good friends Miriam and Leslie. When you
03:26get to a certain age you like things to be the same. I don't. I do. I want my rubbish collected
03:34on a Tuesday. Well you might want that with the rubbish but I don't want everybody everything
03:39else to be the same. Do you like your life completely like. It's not my whole life. But you like the
03:47rubbish to be collected when it should be collected. There are certain things that I I think should be set
03:51in stone and rubbish collection is one of them. On Monday night the BBC gave our brains a workout
03:58again with their crackers game of cryptic clues. Dad we need your thinking cup on it's only connect.
04:04Today's the day guys. My favorite that is. I don't like games. You see I like poker. I used to play hockey
04:10but not anymore. Oh did you? You don't play cards? No. Cards? Cards. Poker. A poker night is the best night. No.
04:21Not for moi. Is it going to make us both look really thick? Yes. Now this is a quiz show. Yeah.
04:29Victoria Conditional. One point. Thank you. Yeah. All the music is saying if there's anyone not clever watching this
04:39if I was you I'd switch over. I get very intimidated by these quizzes because I just I think I'm quite
04:44a smart bloke and then I watch these and I don't know what you're talking about. You're not a smart bloke when you watch this.
04:48Only connect. I only wish I could. I've never seen this game in me whole life. Only connect. This is very
04:58worrying. What do you think? Connect four you've probably cleared. I have a feeling this is going to be a bit difficult.
05:05Good evening. Good evening. No expense spared on the set. On my right. Okay we've got our full
05:11table of geeks. Leonie Mercedes a writer who slept through three earthquakes. My fact is that I'm
05:17allergic to guinea pigs. And their captain James Devine Stoneman a patent attorney who collected
05:23egg timers as a child. Of course he did. I'm anyone who's collecting egg timers. I mean he must have been a
05:30pussy magnet. On my left. Eleanor Ayres a solicitor who's been working on the same cross-stitch project
05:37for 10 years. Like that with my blanket. That'd be you. That sounds like me. Rob Sassoon a university
05:44admissions manager who owns 60 ties but only wears 10 of them. When they said tell us something about
05:50yourself Rob. Is that what his go-to was? Yeah I got a shit ton of ties but I only wear a few.
05:55Pipe dreamers you won the toss. What hieroglyph would you like? This is making me really anxious
05:59already. Right come on Simon. Could we have the horned viper please? Yes you could. The horned viper.
06:06It's a fucking snake mate. What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first. Right come
06:11on let's see how many we get. Okay here we go. Okay. What does Kikner mean? I think that's
06:18Russian isn't it? I can't understand. Is it Russian? Kikner is Russian for what Miriam? I don't know
06:23but it's Russian script. It is Russian look. Next please. Okay Greek. No idea. Feta cheese. Feta cheese?
06:33That's Greek isn't it? Salad. Is it salad? What is a Greek salad? It's a Greek salad.
06:40That's a Greek word I bet. I have not got a scooby-doo of what's going on.
06:49The Russian something. Cocktails. The Greek something. The French revolution. This is the
06:55opening question. I mean they should lure me in with something I can kind of get my head around.
07:01Spanish inquisition. Just preceded by nationality. The inquisition in Rome. The inquisition was in
07:09Spain. Yes it was. Just testing you. French revolution. The Spanish inquisition. So is it
07:15country? Go on James. Go on James. What would happen if you translated these phrases into English?
07:22So French revolution. Spanish inquisition. Greek. Obviously it's not salad. But it is salad.
07:29It is salad. What? Greek salad. So I wasn't wildly off. I said Greek salad. No he said Greek
07:35salad. He repeated it back. Did I? You can't have that. Why are you trying to take it away? He said
07:40Greek salad and you mocked him for saying Greek salad. Is that what happened? Yeah. Is that what
07:46happened? I thought that was me. I thought I'd come up with that. What do you think is happening
07:49at clue one? Russian um. Doll. Roulette. Russian. Doll. Doll. That's the Russian word for doll. Well
07:57done Steve. It is a Russian doll. That is clever. How you would know that? Well he knew the words.
08:03They knew it. No I didn't. What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.
08:09A television. It's a channel. Yeah I've got a chance here. A bit of TV on. What sequence begins
08:14with UK gold two? UK gold two. Probably the office. Oh here we go. I was merchant made money. Here we
08:22go. The next one will be. Next please. Maybe it is. Because now it's just rebranding. Oh Dave. Yeah okay.
08:34Oh is that an idea? After two. We're gonna say Dave. Why would they get Dave from UKG2?
08:41Dave? Who's Dave? Is the right answer. No why would we know that? Ah so UK gold two is now Dave.
08:51We teams are going to play the missing vowels round. I'm stuck already. A-E-I-L-U. Fucking hell
08:57Pickers. Come on. You're good at this one. My strong point is actually vowels. You taught me A-O-I-O-U.
09:04I'm good with words. Welcome to the dyslexic household. Yeah. I can tell you that the first
09:11group of this guy's clues are all guys. Here we go. Guys and dolls. It could be a musical.
09:17Guy Ritchie. Guy Ritchie. Guy Ritchie. Guy Ritchie. Guy Ritchie. Guy Ritchie. Correct. Nice. All right. Well done. Oh I see. Okay.
09:30Guy Fawkes. Guy Fawkes. Well that's easy. Yeah well you didn't get it. Guy Fawkes. Guy Fawkes. Oh goodness.
09:39Correct. Oomsky. Have we got a question wrong yet? We're on fire. Next category. Dolls. Guys and dolls.
09:48Barbie. Barbie. Barbie. Barbie guy. Barbie. Barbie. Yep. My dream is Barbie.
09:54Barb. I know Barbie. It does make you feel quite good when you get one right. I have to admit.
10:05Well I thought that but I thought I'd better not say it. Sorry. Catwoman.
10:11Action man. Count Nimrod. Count Nimrod.
10:16Action man. Well done. Oh action man of course.
10:21Well I feel pretty good myself after that to be fair. I think I outshone myself there Julie.
10:25I'm well impressed. I won't play a game I don't know the answer to. But then you won't play any
10:30game. No I won't. What do you do then if you don't if you're watching. I read. When you were growing up
10:36do you ever like sometimes at Christmas like a family friend would come around and be like a
10:40whole sheet of this sort of question. Oh like riddles. Yeah and it would be like there'd be
10:45like 50 of these. Yeah. And I just used to think fuck off. I hate it. This is no Christmas.
10:51Put a bloody poster on my head. I'm right Winston Churchill. That's what I'm here for.
10:55I just want to watch The Spy Who Loved Me.
10:57In Liverpool. How is your golf game lad. You know how it is. Still shy. It's shit yeah. I'm just a
11:09better version of shit now. I'm bad at the minute so. Are you shy. You're bad is my exception.
11:15What are you playing off now. Ten. Good mates Jordan and Tony. All the England boys here.
11:21Hit us 50 yards further than me. Do they. Oh ridiculous. Who's the best on the squad.
11:25You'd have to pick one. Who's got the lowest handicap. Harry Kane. Harry Kane McGuire. Good
11:31game Harry. Is he. Kane can bomb it. McGuire is quite tough. Is he. Harry Kane. Fucking hell.
11:40On Friday night service resumed at our favourite dating restaurant on channel four. You're sitting
11:46there just staring at me with your tongue out. See if you can get up there. Like me on their first
11:53date. I've never been on a date. Never been on a date. I've been on a first date for a really long
12:05time. Me neither. Thank God. Do you know what. If I got thrown back onto the dating scene I'd go
12:11I can't be bothered now. Yeah. I'm quite happy. Just die alone. Dying alone. Yeah. I know what
12:16you mean. Yet to rhyme his way into a woman's heart is aspiring rapper Matt. When do you bring
12:23out the rap during a first date. I tend to be freestyling as she arrives. Yes yes. I normally
12:29wait till at least the starters are over. I absolutely love rom-coms. Oh he's a bit of a
12:35romantic. He's a rapping romantic. That's what he is. He's very sweet. I like him. What's your
12:42favourite rom-com? Notting Hill. Why do you like it? It just makes me believe in love again. It's
12:49not what you expect from a rapper is it? That his favourite film is Notting Hill. No it's not a
12:53classic is it? It's just him and Tupac. Tupac and Biggie their main fallout was Notting Hill versus
12:59Four Weddings. That's right yeah. Hoping to make her and her mum's dreams come true is music producer
13:07Brida. She fits the bill. And likes music. I think this is going to go absolutely smoothly.
13:13Do you? It's going to be boring telly because it's going to go so well.
13:18How you doing? How's it going? I'm Brida. Lovely to meet you. What's your name? Matt. Matt nice to
13:23meet you. It's really hard as well. I mean look at the lighting. You've got to meet someone and
13:27it looks like a supermarket. Mind you apparently that's where you meet people. Supermarkets.
13:32Cheers. Cheers. Lovely to meet you. Lovely to meet you too. You're beautiful. Thank you. Straight
13:37away. Straight in there. Oh my god he's like watering like mad. Why is it watering? Okay
13:42what's she crying about? Is it the prices in here? Because I've got a couple of tears in my eyes as well.
13:47I don't put makeup on that often and when I do it just fucking does not agree with me. You look
13:51pretty though and it's good. Yeah. Nice. He said that twice now hasn't he? Yeah yeah yeah. He's
13:57coming on a bit too strong. Overkill. Yeah. I'm probably quite an extroverted person. I need
14:02someone to match my energy. You see if I went on a date and someone said I need someone who'll
14:08match my energy, I'd say look here's the money for the meal. I'm going now. When was the last time you
14:14went on a date? A couple of months ago I think. But I find it difficult because maybe like looks
14:20wise I'm like a 6.5. What? I'm a 6.5 me. Stop it now. It's quite a bold thing to to class yourself.
14:30But the banter gives me the edge. Oh. I just I just think I'm quite funny. Okay. Yeah. Thank god she's
14:37made a face. The look on Brida's face suggests. Maybe not. I'll be the judge of that. Thank you
14:42very much. I'll tell you if you're funny. When I was younger I legally changed my middle name to
14:47Danger. He didn't. Oh no. Did he just catch that fly? He just did a karate kick. That is quite cool actually.
14:56Yeah. Well his middle name's Danger. She's thinking in her mind 6.5 has just gone up to about 8.
15:06Yeah just on the basis of insect catching. I have loads of plants in my house. Right. So midges are
15:12a problem. Mate that was quite cool what you did but then you ruined it by saying I've got loads
15:16of flies in my house. I've got a lot of flies in my house. Yeah. It's the dead bodies of the dates.
15:22He did say dead bodies. Yeah. That's quite funny. This is.
15:29That's not a bad joke and quite a bold joke considering she probably is a bit worried.
15:33Yeah serial killer joke on a first date. She's a really beautiful girl. I definitely fancy her
15:38a lot. Yes. I'm going to suggest that she wasn't as bothered. No I agree with that. Do we get to
15:45find out? Yeah they do like a do you want to see me again kind of thing. You're right because I
15:50need those. I do need resolution in any kind of reality. Yeah yeah. You know like if you watch
15:54Holmes and the Hammer and they say we've bought this house and we're going to turn it into this
15:57and this and this and you watch to the end and they haven't finished the renovation and they're
16:01still bags of cement and I'm like oh come on. Hello. Right take a seat Brida. Tell me what I want.
16:09Moment of truth. Yes. I'm scared. I think they're going to say yes. I think they're going to say no.
16:15Wouldn't you like to see each other again? Look at her face. Wait a minute. He's going to say hell
16:20yeah she's going to go now. They're both going to say yes. I'd say yes out of politeness on TV
16:25and then you could always ghost them later. I would definitely like to see her again yeah.
16:28Oh definitely. What's she going to say? I'd like to see him again too yeah. Hey well done. Get on him.
16:35Yeah. I told you you know Nish. Are they going to interview us at the end of this?
16:40I would watch TV with him again.
16:47This week we heard Glenn's story. I'd got to a stage in life where everything had fallen into
16:55place really. I'd met the lady of my dreams. Oh everything had fallen into place. And had two
17:03great children who are now aged 11 and 8. 11 and 8. Look at him. That's a part of your life that's
17:10just starting isn't it? When you've got married and you've got kids. I was also very passionate
17:14about fitness. Done several marathons. Wow. Fit as a fiddle then. Yeah. Life was very good. I was really
17:21happy. Around a year ago that just suddenly came toppling down. It was a Monday. I had time to give
17:30my wife a cup of tea before going to work on my bicycle. Somewhere halfway all I felt was a warm
17:36rush of air of something starting to overtake. God. Oh dear god. Then I hit the floor and was
17:45knocked unconscious. A coach had knocked me off my bike. No. Bloody hell. When I came round I was in
17:53hospital. I had a couple of fractures to the back. A fractured neck as well. That's awful.
18:0021 killed. So three days later scans have been done for the broken bones. However those scans
18:08showed I had a tumour that's in my colon and has started to spread to my liver. Oh my god.
18:15So that was found after an accident. Just by chance. You see sometimes there's no signs of
18:21you've got cancer is there. Which means cancer was in my blood now and could appear anywhere
18:28within my body. God how frightening. Living hell isn't it. Oh goodness me I mean.
18:35You just can't imagine getting that news or anyone in your family getting that news.
18:39Stage four. Stage four is quite bad. I never expected to be someone that would have this
18:51cancer at this early stage in life. There's just no rhyme or reason for it is there. It's just
19:02it's cruel. And then by six months post diagnosis I was told it's class now as terminal cancer.
19:09It's fair to say I'd reached a new rock bottom.
19:15God. He's dying. But what's important is that time with loved ones. Particularly for the children
19:26to see them grow up. I got kids. Two little kids. That's how precious time is because you never know
19:35how long you got. I got my mum to take me to this place where I'd like to be buried. It was a nice
19:42cemetery near to. Sorry. Oh. Don't be sorry mate. Oh can you imagine having to have that visit.
20:06It was a nice cemetery near to my daughter's school. Oh. Oh god.
20:15And my son's school and I. I had these visions. Being able to walk and see daddy.
20:36Heartbreaking. You shouldn't have to do that.
20:43Whatever the ability that you have to say goodbye saying goodbye for a guy like that
20:49to children that young it's so hard. Yeah leaving the kids behind is the worst thing.
21:00Oh no don't say.
21:06Oh 45. 45 that's no age. So young.
21:17Oh that's so sad.
21:21We always just want these stories to like have some sort of miraculous
21:25happy ending. Yeah. You just hope that people will
21:30see that and and want to want to help. I mean how can you not want to.
21:45Enough London. I'll tell you one thing. Yeah. If if we were watching a film. Yeah. There'd be none
21:52of this talking. Your phones are off. There's no eating. Yeah. You can have a cup of tea.
21:57There's certainly no discussing things. Good friends Josh and Stephen. We watch specific
22:03things which I think is our way of saying can we just look at our phones. Do you. So we'll say
22:09oh I'm not sure I can handle anything heavy. Yeah I know what you mean. Shall we watch inside the
22:14factory of Greg Wallace and what we mean. Yeah. Is shall we look at our phones but make it less
22:19bleak by having Greg Wallace make a Battenberg behind us. Well it's funny you said that because
22:23my partner say is American. Yeah. So introducing her to the concept of Greg Wallace that's quite
22:30something because they don't really have people who look like that on American TV.
22:34He's a green grocer and he looks like one of his potatoes
22:38and he's got his own show. And when he walks around the factory unbelievably he's wearing a hairnet.
22:43On Thursday night it was all about pub grub on the Food Network. Oh I love a bit of Tom
22:49Carriage. A's all over the place now. Tom Carriage you know he's got a range in max.
22:53I went in a pub once and they served me a roast dinner on a Sunday and it was you know those like
22:58packets of meat like packets of beef. Thinly cut beef. Cold beef. It was that. It was three slices
23:03of that. Yeah. And some oven potato. And so I thought they're so disgusting I went to another
23:07pub. I got the nickname Stevie Two Roasts. Very proud of that name. I'm not sure I want
23:17to know the secrets of a pub kitchen. Do you? I like all foods. The only thing I won't eat is
23:23oysters because I had a nasty turn once in Dubrovnik. I don't want to go into it but it
23:29was horrific. I'm heading to my test kitchen to make a 70s favorite. This is a thing of course
23:34that top chefs do quite a lot of nostalgia cooking where they basically reimagine stuff that in the
23:4070s was just shit. Child of memory for me that takes us right back to those sort of retro times
23:47is a chicken Kiev. It's called Kiev mate but a bit of respect. No need to mess around with the
23:54ingredients of that. Just put it on the plate mate. Put it in the oven. Cook the fucking thing
23:58and give us it. And this is a version that I'm gonna make that you can do at home. I've had
24:02chicken Kiev twice this week Jane. No. Yeah. You love chicken Kiev don't you? Oh my favorite. Yeah.
24:08Margaret went to shop last night and got me one. Who's fucking Margaret? My neighbour. Like all
24:13chicken Kievs it's got a lovely crisp coating and oozes with garlic butter. Oh no I wouldn't like
24:19that. That's not pub food mate. Need to take the asparagus off. We need to get some chips on it.
24:24My mouth's watering. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I'm salivating right now. The garlic that's going in is confit.
24:30Confit? What's garlic confit? I don't know. I'm mixing the confit garlic into softened butter.
24:36You think that's fattening? What garlic confit? Garlic confit and butter. Yes. Yeah probably.
24:44Delicious. And adding a salty punch with anchovies and capers. No no that's a red flag.
24:52Oh you wouldn't like that at all would you? I don't like any of it. Butter into the cling film.
25:00Roll it. I'm very impressed by people who can cook. I also am impressed by the fact that he won't
25:05just eat that straight away. That mixture there already looks nice to me and I would start eating
25:10it before I'd got it in the Kiev. Stick the butter in the freezer for at least two hours. I do check
25:15out a bit there when they have to start involving cellophane and popping it in the fridge for three
25:19days. Yeah yeah yeah. Because you just want to enjoy your Saturday. I do want to sort of get on with it.
25:24The chicken's ready for panning. Panning? What's panning? You'll tell you. Dip in flour then egg
25:31then into super fine breadcrumbs. I can't do that. It makes terrible mess. I've got some super
25:37fine breadcrumbs at all. Have you? Yeah. We're halfway there babe. Finally into panko breadcrumbs.
25:44Oh he's going double breadcrumb. Dubby breadcrumb. The Kievs get five minutes in the deep fat fryer
25:51at 170 degrees. They've always got deep fat fryers as well haven't they? What am I going to do about that?
25:56Why isn't he cooking it in an air fryer then? Just go careful when you open it. The big reveal. Is it
26:02juicy inside? Let me have a look at the inside. Don't spill it down your shirt. Look at that.
26:10We all made the same noise didn't we? Yeah. A man shouldn't make us make that noise.
26:16A father and his two sons shouldn't make that noise together. That for me
26:20is the perfect chicken Kiev. But where's the... Well that's the chicken. The thing that he wrapped it in.
26:29Did you not see the cling film come off? You didn't see the cling film come off. I did.
26:33You didn't. I just told you they took... You saw the cling film come off. Well fuck me.
26:41You think you'll be doing that at home? No. Oh no. That's a lot of work. MLS.
26:47Do you think cooking shows are popular? I know they're on all the time but do you think they're
26:52popular or are they just cheap to make? No they are really popular. They're really popular. People love it.
26:57Don't they call it food porn? Oh is that what it is? Yeah I suppose you're right. Yes. Yeah.
27:03I prefer the regular porn. Yeah.
27:07This week we watched the film about Caden.
27:10Caden was such a good baby. Oh look at that beautiful face. He was just always smiling,
27:16giggling. He was very content as a baby. That's what you want as a baby isn't it?
27:21Your child being content. Growing up he did his jazz tap and ballet. Did your boxing twice a week.
27:28Good Lord. Caden was so full of life and I never ever wanted that to change.
27:35When he was seven. He declined his health. Yeah. Seven months. That's really young isn't it?
27:42He started suffering initially from dizziness. He started to have double vision. Oh that's not good
27:50is it? No. That's it. Salam bells ringing that drudditly. But then their symptoms just started
27:57progressively getting worse. All the boxing. It was a lot of work.
28:03We organised an MRI and the consultant told us it was a brain tumour. No. Bless him.
28:15Oh boy. If left untreated for another four weeks he might not be with us.
28:24Oh my God that guy. For me the worst bit was when the consultant was trying to tell Caden
28:30because it's almost like I didn't want him to know. But I couldn't bring myself to tell Caden.
28:41How do you say that to a seven-year-old? No because your first instinct is to protect him.
28:48The biopsy results came through. God. Oh look how poorly he looks. Bless him.
28:54And that's when they told us that it was a malignant brain tumour called medulloblastoma.
29:01Oh my God. And to make sure that there are no more cancer cells left he needed to have proton
29:06beam therapy and then chemotherapy. I remember thinking oh God this is us now. We're in the
29:13club that no parent wants to be in. Family's worst fear isn't it? One of the hardest things
29:24was hearing Caden come out with things like why me? Why does it have to be me that's got cancer?
29:35Why should a child at that age be saying things like that?
29:38He's a child he's gonna ask why him. You can't answer that. How do you answer that to your child?
29:45Chemo is so evil. It was eight cycles over 36 weeks. He stopped eating. Ended up having to have
29:53a feeding tube. Oh this poor lad. Awful. That's a lot to go through isn't it? Seven years old.
30:01He literally turned skin and bone. We was watching him on a daily basis. Just wasting his time.
30:08Oh my God.
30:15When you're going through it yourself I imagine you're going through it yourself. So
30:19when you're actually having to watch your child go through it, it's just awful.
30:30Caden's latest MRI shows that he's currently stable. So he is in recovery. Oh he's in recovery.
30:37Look at that. Come on Caden. If you have cancer it's not nice. It's hard to beat it.
30:47So I'm looking forward to going back to all the stuff that I couldn't do before.
30:52What a brave young man.
31:02Oh God. Oh God.
31:04Oh God. Oh God.
31:06Oh God. Oh God.
31:08Oh God. Oh God.
31:10Oh God.
31:12Oh God.
31:14Oh God.
31:16Oh God.
31:30There's just no justice with things like that.
31:32The world's too cruel man.
31:34It means you don't want to complain about anything when you see that.
31:45You just think about like people you love and what it would be like and it's just the worst
31:53nightmare. Yeah. I know it's an obvious thing to say but you can give money because the fact
31:59that people have given money and money's been supplied is why he's still alive. It gives
32:05people a better chance doesn't it. Almost one in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime.
32:11Help us fight back. To give £40, £30, £20 or £10 to support Stand Up To Cancer text 40 30 20 or 10
32:20to 70404 or to donate any amount online go to channel4.com forward slash su2c.
32:27100% of the money you give will fund life-saving cancer research.
32:32In North London...
32:34So one thing about this is I would not watch Helly in shoes but I have a problem getting my shoes off.
32:40Old friends David and Frank.
32:42I've taken one shoe off. Yeah.
32:44And then this other shoe, right, I've got a broken toe for years ago on this one.
32:50So... Oh no.
32:52So look, how do I do that?
32:54I've got a broken toe.
32:56I've got a broken toe.
32:59Oh no. So look, how do I do that? Because it hurts.
33:03Do you want me to take your shoe off?
33:05I sort of do. Do you mind?
33:07Come here. Thank you.
33:09You see it's quite hard. Can you imagine that with a broken toe that amount of force?
33:13On Monday night a couple of middle-aged men were back on the road on you and Dave.
33:19Don't do that.
33:21Oh, Willam Mouth's on.
33:23Is it? Oh, there we go.
33:25No, this is not my kind of programme.
33:27This is not my cup of tea.
33:29Not mine. 100%.
33:31No.
33:33Well, my midlife crisis was really
33:35realising I'd been barking up the wrong tree all my life.
33:37With your sexuality?
33:39Yes.
33:41As in you're more interested in Martha than Arthur?
33:43Martha, yes.
33:45Right then, I've got a bit of a surprise for you.
33:47I've sorted out for us
33:49to be on stage
33:51with the Dream Boys.
33:53Oh, the Dream Boys.
33:56The Dream Boys are beautiful male strippers.
33:58I think the Dream Boys, do they get the cock out?
34:00I think they do, you know.
34:02Magic Mike, they don't get the cock out.
34:04Let's see if we've still got it at our age.
34:06No-one's going to be looking at us, are you insane?
34:08Ralph's arse is gone.
34:10To be fair, my arse would go.
34:12I've had to do that.
34:14Ralph's swallowed it, Ralph wants out.
34:16I'll never forgive you for this.
34:18Let's go and see what the choreography's like and then we'll go from there.
34:20Let's see what the choreography's like.
34:22If there were Dream Boys on stage
34:24we probably wouldn't be looking at Ralph and Will,
34:26to be absolutely honest, Miriam,
34:28because the Dream Boys are absolutely gorgeous.
34:30Well, I'm an old dyke
34:32and I'm not interested in any of these men.
34:34Well, just have a look and see what you think.
34:36Hi, Will.
34:38Hi, Jordan.
34:40Nice to meet you.
34:42Jordan and Jason.
34:44You never went through this as part of your midlife crisis, did you?
34:46You didn't join the Bengali Boys or anything, did you, Dad?
34:50We will be in front of a live audience
34:53and I'm not going to lie, no pressure, but they're animals.
34:55Yeah, I've seen it.
34:57I've been to one of these.
34:59Magic Mike, Magical Mike.
35:01Honestly, the lads were nearly rippling from them.
35:03I'm in the wrong job.
35:05We do go full nude and do the full monty.
35:07The full monty, Ronnie.
35:09That's when they...
35:11Strip everything.
35:13But they're saying that there are these bestial women in the audience
35:15who are animals...
35:17Yes.
35:19...who want to see their front bottoms.
35:22It's awful.
35:24I'm so depressed to think I'm alive at a time when there are enough women.
35:26Not even Starmer can stop it, Natty.
35:28We do use certain tricks.
35:30I've got tricks, Annie.
35:32Like a penis pump.
35:34Penis pump?
35:36What's that?
35:38Like where you're putting helium in your penis?
35:40Find out where they get them from, buy one.
35:42And a tie-off.
35:44Fucking penis pump and a tie-off, what's this?
35:46What would a tie-off be, Miriam?
35:48Why am I asking you?
35:50I don't know what a tie-off is.
35:52I haven't seen a penis since the First World War.
35:54And then within that, you've got to learn how to move with it
35:56and do choreography and dance.
35:58Is this bloke talking up his job a bit?
36:00What?
36:02Well, he's saying it's really quite complicated to run around with your knob out.
36:04Are we going to take it off?
36:06Are we going to take it off?
36:08No, we're not.
36:10Yes, we are.
36:12No, we're not.
36:14Yes, we are.
36:16Teasy-teasy-teasy. Yeah, go for it.
36:19I don't like this programme.
36:23It's all about genitals and testicles
36:25and tying off your cock.
36:35Oh, there's a lot of people in there.
36:37I am fairly certain
36:39as a man who finds it difficult
36:41to go to the toilet in a public toilet
36:43that my genitals
36:45would let me down in this situation.
36:49Is that Will?
36:51Oh, it's Will.
36:53Come on, Will, get him off.
36:59Oh, I can't watch this.
37:01I can't watch this.
37:03It's all a bit of a laugh, Nottie.
37:05It's just a laugh, you think?
37:07Yeah.
37:15You can see he's off.
37:17Oh!
37:19Skin old!
37:25Oh!
37:27This is nonsense.
37:29Ralph Little's ass
37:31has never seen the light of day.
37:33I'll tell you. Look at the colour of it.
37:37Oh, they are actually
37:39going to go to the date centre.
37:41I can't believe they're going to take everything off.
37:44Oh, no.
37:46Oh, they have!
37:48To be fair, I'll give them the due.
37:50They've got some balls to do that, like.
37:52Hang on.
37:54Take your hands away, boys.
37:56Not the full thing.
38:00Couldn't get me doing that.
38:02No.
38:04I'm not getting my goldfish off for no money.
38:06You see, they didn't actually turn round
38:08and show you everything, Miriam.
38:10Well, I don't want everything.
38:12What I'm saying is, they didn't actually do it.
38:14They didn't...
38:16What a relief!
38:18You're relieved?
38:20Very.
38:22I was naked on stage in a play.
38:24Yeah.
38:26And I only showed my bum in that.
38:28I saw that play where you were naked
38:30and, you know what, the restricted-view tickets
38:32were going like hotcakes.
38:34In North London...
38:36The other day, I had my granddaughter to stay
38:38and she's seven.
38:41Dame Kristen and her good friend Saskia.
38:43She says,
38:45I know I'm not supposed to ask,
38:47but how old are you, Granny?
38:49But you mustn't ask anyone else that.
38:51I said,
38:53oh, yes,
38:55because you're not supposed to ask people
38:57how old they are,
38:59because it reminds them
39:01that they're going to die soon.
39:03This week, we were hobnobbing
39:05with the country set
39:07as Bonkbusting rivals the series
39:09and it actually has my three favourite things in it.
39:11Raunchiness,
39:13the 80s,
39:15the macaques' walls.
39:17You've got your David Tennant, yeah,
39:19which adds a sense of gravitas.
39:21It does, doesn't it?
39:23Yes, he's a Shakespearean actor
39:25and now he's in a Bonkbuster.
39:27Yeah.
39:29Get the call?
39:31I've not had the call.
39:33Well, partly, I would be nervous
39:35because I understand that there's quite a lot of nudity in it.
39:38I've been in Concord. Have you?
39:40Yep.
39:42Oh, my gosh!
39:44That ass is a 1980s ass.
39:50Oh, what a start.
39:56It's a waste of good soap, that.
39:58And also very uncomfortable.
40:00Oh, that's a bit of fun.
40:02That's just a bit of fun, isn't it?
40:04That's all it is.
40:07Ha-ha!
40:09Woo!
40:11Hey!
40:15Straighten that skirt.
40:19She don't care!
40:21Don't give a shit, does she?
40:23I'm not a member of the Marley Club, are you?
40:25Well, I'm so tall that just having regular sex,
40:27I'm a member of the Marley Club.
40:29Oh, it's good stuff.
40:33Oh!
40:35He is gorgeous, though.
40:37Look at him.
40:43When I walk down the aisle on a plane,
40:45everyone looks at me, but not for the same reason.
40:53Enjoying your flight, Rupert?
40:55Tony Baddingham.
40:57David Tennant's really gone on the Grecian 2000.
40:59He has, hasn't he?
41:01Looks good.
41:04There's a little bit of history with these two.
41:06Did the Prime Minister give you permission
41:08to fuck a journalist in the on-board toilet?
41:10Lou, Tony, don't be plebeian.
41:12Plebeian? That means he's a plaid.
41:14Yeah.
41:16So, if I'm right,
41:18they don't like each other at all.
41:22So, my wife often says of certain types of music,
41:24this is making me go mad.
41:26And that's what this music is going to do.
41:30It's all very sexual.
41:32Tell me something that isn't.
41:36In the episode,
41:38we saw a new family
41:40moving into the famous Shire.
41:44We're here, we're here, look.
41:48That's a bit of me.
41:50Old bag of shit there.
41:54Are they going to live there?
41:58Poldark.
42:01This is the family arriving.
42:03No, it's not, it's Poldark.
42:05Exciting things are going to happen to us in a place like this.
42:07Have you ever said that?
42:09All the time.
42:11Just before I arrived today.
42:13Exciting things are going to happen to us in a place like this.
42:21Oh, there's Taggy out in the countryside
42:23walking the dog.
42:25Of course it's called Taggy.
42:27Taggy, Taggy, Taggy.
42:29Oh, what's that?
42:31Is that a fire?
42:33There's fire!
42:35Fire!
42:37Why is she running to?
42:39She's running to a maze to get help.
42:41Never run into a maze to get help.
42:47Jesus Christ.
42:49That's Rupert.
42:51All of Rupert.
42:53Is that his real,
42:55or do you think he's wearing a prosthetic?
42:58That was an option.
43:00Naked tennis!
43:02Let me show you, darling.
43:04That's pure carry on.
43:06That's pure Barbara Winter, isn't it?
43:08Your fields are on fire.
43:10Oh, fields are on fire?
43:12I thought it was the house.
43:14Well, that wasn't who he was on the plane with.
43:16So Rupert just is getting about then, basically, yeah?
43:18A bit later,
43:20and everyone had gone round to Tony's gaff
43:22for a high society knees up.
43:24Er, Tony,
43:27Paul Stratton's here.
43:29Ah!
43:31Who's Paul Stratton?
43:33Deputy Prime Minister.
43:35Oh, he's in with the big wigs, isn't he?
43:37Sorry we're late, everyone.
43:39Oh, the tennis player.
43:41Rupert's been banging his wife.
43:43Correctamundo.
43:45Stop it, this is getting messy.
43:47But she knows, cos she's seen them.
43:49Her world is crumbling.
43:51Her innocence is disappearing.
43:53You are very well come up.
43:55Well done, Paul.
43:57He gave the look, don't say a word.
43:59Tony's caught the stare.
44:01She got out!
44:03Tony and her!
44:05So Tony now knows that she knows something.
44:07Good to get everything out in the open.
44:09We're insanely happy, aren't we, Paul?
44:11It was all out in the open, I seen it myself.
44:17I heard about you catching Campbell Black
44:19playing tennis in the noddy.
44:21Word gets around, Julie, apparently.
44:24And I know who the mystery woman was now.
44:26Don't I?
44:32Long time.
44:34Long time.
44:36So he's going to blackmail them, do you think?
44:38Oh, yes.
44:44That's the woman from the plane, it is.
44:46Don't tell me Tony's snitching.
44:50Look, watch. Her face will crumble.
44:54Dish the dirt.
44:56Oh, she didn't know.
44:58She is not happy.
45:00Oh, he's getting it.
45:02Incoming.
45:06Oh, look at that.
45:08You've been shagging Sarah Stratton, too.
45:10Oh.
45:12Sarah Stratton's there with Paul!
45:14It was only tennis.
45:16Naked.
45:18Oh!
45:22It's sort of a little bit like a carry-on.
45:24Yeah.
45:26It's like a slightly fruitier carry-on film.
45:30Oh, look at that.
45:32Tony's really delighted, isn't he, really?
45:34He's done his work.
45:36Yeah.
45:38I tell you, what David Tennant is doing a lot of,
45:40I can't do it, cos I'm not a good enough actor, is this.
45:42Yeah, there's a lot of...
45:44Yeah, but he's just caused tremendous trouble
45:47Would you ever play naked tennis, Miriam?
45:49Just asking, I'm just asking.
45:51Don't shout at me.
45:53Would I play naked tennis?
45:55Just asking.
45:57Only with you.
45:59Don't be ridiculous.
46:07And Josh and Miriam will be popping over
46:09to the Last Leg studio.
46:11Come on, guys, you've not got long.
46:13They're kicking off the new series
46:15Not just cos we heard zombies might be here.
46:17Then weekly Generation Z starts at 9.