Video Nasty S01 E02
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00You're down to the last tape, William Asher's Nightmare Maker.
00:04Yeah, what about hitting up that sexy pen pal of yours?
00:06We're going to England. She has the tape.
00:09Nightmare Maker. We get the tape, we sell the collection, we pay back the money.
00:13How do you pay for the ferry, the bus, everything?
00:15Your sister.
00:16You shitheads want to come to a party?
00:18Someone call an ambulance!
00:20As soon as I get my cut, I'm moving out.
00:22Excuse me? Her cut?
00:30ZOE!
00:51Zoe!
01:05For the love of God.
01:19Tonight's 60-minute headlines.
01:31With the miners back at work, anger is still in the air.
01:35We'll be reporting from one community who are finding it hard to move on.
01:41Five months out from the September deadline,
01:44we'll be looking at what video classification means for the so-called video nasties.
01:51Police appear no closer to catching the IRA bombers who killed five people in Brighton last October.
01:58Tensions remain high, with soldiers posted in airports and harbours to prevent further attacks.
02:13Can I have that?
02:14No, it's mine.
02:15No, the bag.
02:18Fuck's sake, come on.
02:21This happens every time we get the bus.
02:23We're not even moving yet.
02:25Just stick your fingers down your throat and be done with it.
02:27No.
02:29You're so miserable.
02:30It'll come out eventually.
02:39OK, just be cool.
02:43Do you relax?
02:44He doesn't care about your tapes, he won't come near you.
02:46Why not?
02:47I'm not being funny, but you don't exactly look like you're in the IRA.
03:13No, Sarah's all the same.
03:15So, what's the plan?
03:17I want to know we're going to get this done.
03:19And then what?
03:21You going to move out?
03:22Sleep on the park bench?
03:23Become one of those crazy bag ladies?
03:25Are you going to tell me what we're doing?
03:27Or is this going to be the kind of trip where I have to hold your dicks every time you piss?
03:31What the fuck, Zoe?
03:33That's your brother.
03:38When we get off the bus, we walk to Ashdale.
03:41Pitch up in a campsite, then we meet her in the pub tomorrow at lunchtime.
03:45Our three tapes for her nightmare maker.
03:48Done deal.
03:50I'm sure you'll find a way to fuck it up.
04:10Okay.
04:11By now I'll cheer you up.
04:13Top five kill scenes.
04:14Jesus.
04:17Letterface.
04:18The first kill on Kirk.
04:19When it comes straight out of nowhere.
04:20Okay.
04:21Although it's formally quite basic.
04:23For me, Halloween.
04:25The opening POV show where mini Michael Mars kills his sister.
04:28Oh, you like the sister killers, do you?
04:30Depends on the sister, Zoe.
04:32The omen.
04:33Damien killing his nanny.
04:34Technically, she kills herself.
04:36Yeah, but he makes her do it.
04:38I'll allow it.
04:41Suspiria with the stained glass window.
04:43Yes, yes.
04:44The score.
04:45The lighting.
04:46That sound design.
04:47Oh, that rhythm.
04:48Every time she gets stabbed.
04:49Oh, for fuck's sake.
04:51I'm sick of listening to this shit.
04:53Do any fellas get killed in these films?
04:56Or are they all just sexist and rapey?
04:59What is she talking about?
05:00Your kill scenes.
05:02No one's even in the lip.
05:03How disappointing.
05:04That's not what I'm watching for.
05:06Some of them are just funny.
05:08I mean, Evil Dead is basically just slapstick.
05:10OK, yeah, well, when they're not funny.
05:12When some girl's just getting stabbed over and over again,
05:15do you look away at all?
05:17Or do you feel a little tingle in your trousers?
05:19Hmm?
05:20What the fuck, Zoe?
05:22We're just trying to enjoy ourselves here.
05:24And I didn't say we liked all of them.
05:25Some of them are shit.
05:27They're just on the list.
05:28They're part of the collection.
05:29You didn't answer.
05:30What do you do when you're watching that shit?
05:32What do you do?
05:35All right, then you answer if he won't.
05:37Go on.
05:42I close my eyes and I say a prayer, OK?
05:44Of course you do.
05:45Then leave me alone.
05:48Really?
05:49Cos I've never seen you do that.
05:51Yeah, cos you never look away.
05:53Yeah, that's cos I can take it.
05:54Is that not the whole fucking point?
05:56What do you know, anyway?
05:58You're the freak who locked herself in her bedroom for a month.
06:01Hmm.
06:05I'm sorry.
06:33Oh.
06:34Hey.
06:35What are you doing home?
06:37Uh, free last class.
06:38You?
06:41I, uh...
06:43I clocked off early, you know.
06:45I need to lie down.
06:50Is Mum home?
06:51I didn't see her car.
06:54Come on, Frankie.
06:55Let's have a ride in the shower.
07:04Go to your room.
07:07Go to your room!
07:26Foddy lady...
07:29and a gentleman.
07:31Come on, Eve, you don't need to be so polite.
07:33We go way back.
07:34This is respect.
07:35I don't do polite.
07:36And it shall be, like it always was.
07:42Is there no milk?
07:44Jesus, Frank.
07:45It's a foreign thing.
07:47There's no biscuit eaters, are there, for anything at all?
07:49Don't be talking about the biscuits.
07:51We've bigger fish to fry.
07:54Let me get this straight.
07:56No sign of Zoe.
07:57Her friends haven't seen her.
07:59They won't tell you anything about the party.
08:01You call the scouts and there's no camping trip.
08:04And Billy said he was gone camping with Con, so...
08:07We've all done a runner together.
08:09Yeah, but where?
08:10And why would Zoe go with them?
08:11Maybe she even said all that stuff about grinding her.
08:13Really?
08:15Do you want to do this again?
08:16It's fine.
08:17I can wait until you are finished quarrelling.
08:22Billy said he was going camping.
08:24He plans to be back.
08:25These boys know what they are doing.
08:27And you know,
08:28sometimes the more you know,
08:30the more you don't want to know.
08:32You know?
08:33Why do I feel like you're hiding something from us?
08:35Look, we're wasting time.
08:36We should contact the guards, start a process.
08:38It's OK, relax.
08:39I tell you what I know, but let's not involve the police.
08:42The boys I work with at the port have a good thing going on.
08:45I won't be the one to spoil it for them.
08:50What's that got to do with our kids?
08:51Yeah.
08:53OK, look.
08:55I don't know where they are.
08:57But I know someone who might.
09:08It's like hell up in the video shop.
09:12Well, I take that as a huge compliment.
09:14You're sick.
09:15You're genuinely sick.
09:16And they just keep on coming.
09:28I don't mind all this Hollywood stuff.
09:30This is just a sample of what I have out the back.
09:33So these are the video and I asked these then?
09:36I miss you.
09:37Hugs and kisses.
09:39Doesn't look so bad.
09:41God, he's wearing a wet T-shirt.
09:43Oh, God.
09:44This isn't our con.
09:45This is not him.
09:47This is you.
09:49This is you and your strange son leading him astray.
09:53Strange.
09:54You think I like these films?
09:56No.
09:57I like to see him working for something.
09:59That's more important to me.
10:00Right.
10:01Come on, then.
10:02What do you know?
10:03Well, I know they've got a lead on the last hit.
10:05Some girl in the UK.
10:07I don't know what her name is or where she lives,
10:10but if I was to guess, I'd say that's what they are.
10:13In the UK?
10:15They're out of the country?
10:17With a load of Brits?
10:18God, anything could happen to them.
10:20They'd probably be locked up.
10:22At least we'd know where to find them.
10:24That's true.
10:25Look, I will say this.
10:27Them two boys, they're good kids.
10:30You don't need to be worried about them.
10:33They're not, you know, what they watch.
10:36Which is probably just as well.
10:38Do you think this is funny?
10:40Which, the film or the situation?
10:42Because, I mean, neither's a barrel of laughs.
10:44I'm out of here.
10:45I'm out of here!
10:46OK, maybe we should take a breath
10:48before someone having an evolutionary breakdown.
10:51I've got to call the guards!
10:52I've got to call the guards!
10:53Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're not calling the guards.
10:55Come here.
10:56Maureen, wait.
10:58That Bisha, if TJ says they've gone to that girl,
11:00that's where she is.
11:02Billy, he rides to a PO box there.
11:04They are not in some big dangerous city, OK?
11:06They'll be back.
11:07Don't make this complicated.
11:09I am telling you,
11:10if they don't call me tonight to tell me they're safe,
11:13we'll do what we have to.
11:15And you wonder why Eileen left?
11:17Come on, Frank.
11:20Yes!
11:25Breath.
11:45How long is this walk?
11:47How long is this walk?
11:49Just a few hours.
11:50Hours?
11:51Would all this scare you for real?
11:53No.
11:54We'll hitch.
11:55No, we won't.
11:56We stick to the plan.
11:57We're never even going to make it to this stupid campsite
11:59in time to get a spot, right, Con?
12:01Suit yourself.
12:02We're walking.
12:05Don't move, Con.
12:06Don't be a sap.
12:07Con.
12:09You don't have to jump because he said so.
12:11Seriously, don't fuck with me.
12:13I don't know, OK?
12:14I'm wrecked.
12:15I feel like shit.
12:16This isn't fucking fun.
12:17Can we all just get along, please?
12:25You lot need directions?
12:27I just saw you pouring over that map.
12:31Yeah, we're not lost.
12:32Actually, we're heading just...
12:34Ashdale. We're looking for Ashdale.
12:37Oh.
12:38Right you be.
12:40Straight down that road.
12:42You're going in the wrong direction.
12:45Long way to walk, though.
12:47All that gear.
12:48Any chance of a lift?
12:54Be a tight squeeze.
12:56Please?
13:01Right, Con, then. Hop in.
13:03Oh, class, thank you.
13:04The divers are welcome. Put your stuff in back.
13:07What's that big needle thing?
13:10For the cows.
13:12You're in farm country now.
13:14You don't look like a farmer.
13:18I'm not.
13:21I had to use it on the dog.
13:24I will hold on to your gold
13:27And say I'm proud of you
13:30I'm proud of you
13:32I'm proud of you
13:35I'm proud of you
13:37I'm proud of you
14:04Not much small talk, are you?
14:07You over for commemoration or something?
14:09Commemoration?
14:11Ashdale, love.
14:13It's famous. Famous for the plague.
14:15Sounds lovely.
14:18Historically.
14:20People here quarantined, stopped the spread of the Black Death.
14:24These Midlands wouldn't be alive if it weren't for what our ancestors did.
14:28There's a big centenary thing this week.
14:30Everyone gets dressed up in medieval clubber.
14:33There's a big bonfire and whatnot.
14:36Yeah, well, we're not staying long, so...
14:44Strange, that. Hearing a paddy accent from one of your lot.
14:50Oh, sorry.
14:52It's paddy not allowed anymore.
14:54Can't keep up.
15:03Yeah.
15:04Picked it up at car boot sale.
15:06Helps me beat the traffic.
15:08All these strikes, picket lines.
15:10They pop up everywhere.
15:12Bloody scroungers.
15:14Pop it down.
15:16Sorry.
15:18That's it.
15:20It's a cold night for camping.
15:23Do you know, I bet my mum would have you.
15:26For a good price.
15:28She used to run places. Guesthouse.
15:30Could take you there if you want.
15:33Yeah, I am. I think we're fine.
15:36Yeah, just an idea.
15:38What do you think, love?
15:40Campsite's grand. Thanks.
15:42Sure. There's plenty of room.
15:45Although maybe some of us might have to share.
15:49Hey, stop! Oi!
15:51What are you doing?
15:53What am I doing? What are you talking about?
15:55It's just a joke. Some people.
15:57You're so touchy.
15:58Do that again, you'll need a bandage of your own, all right?
16:00All right, keep your neck's hand up.
16:02Excuse me? Excuse you?
16:04You know, if you're going to be such a stuck-up bitch...
16:08..get out and walk.
16:10What?
16:12Oi, where's Ash, then? There's a trail through the woods.
16:16Now get the fuck out. What the...?
16:30CAR ENGINE REVS
16:35You all right?
16:37Yeah, it wasn't cool what he did, no.
16:50Wait, wait, wait.
17:00HE COUGHS
17:06HE LAUGHS
17:08Finally!
17:10You can say it. Told you so.
17:14Look, we've got torches, an ex-boy scout with us.
17:18We'll get a fire going.
17:20What else do we need? Walking trail. This way.
17:30Top five cabin in the Woodstones.
17:32Don't even think about it.
17:34For me, it has to... No!
17:39OK. Top five campfire scenes.
17:41Shut up, Billy.
17:43How do we even know this is the way to Ashdown, huh?
17:46Are we really trusting that creep?
17:48We're heading in the right direction, all right? Relax.
17:51It's going to be fine.
17:56What was that?
17:57It's nothing. Just some...animal.
18:00Some animal?
18:02A tiger's just some animal.
18:04It's not a fucking tiger, is it?
18:06Why are you acting like you're not scared?
18:28HE BREATHES HEAVILY
18:45Feeling we're not on the walking trail any more?
18:48All right, let's not push it.
18:50Let's just find a spot and camp up before it gets any darker.
18:53Right.
18:58HE SIGHS
19:14I feel like a million quid now.
19:16We'll finally start enjoying this trip.
19:18It hasn't gone exactly how I pictured it, you know?
19:21Not the best trailer for next year.
19:23Forget next year. This is what it's all about, man.
19:26Let's make the most of it.
19:31Ah, I have some questions.
19:33Where did you get that? On the floor.
19:35You need to be more careful with your love letters.
19:37Zoe! Zoe!
19:39Stop it, stop it. Bang!
19:42Hey, relax!
19:44Someone has to have eyes on this.
19:46This girl could be playing you like a fiddle.
19:48Yeah, well, she's not, all right? Yeah, how do you know?
19:50Cos she's genuine.
19:52She's not full of shit like your mates.
19:54You don't even know them.
19:55Well, I see them.
19:57I see you.
19:58Dying to be the same as everyone else.
20:00You need to stop confusing being weird with being interesting.
20:03You need to stop confusing being popular with being a bitch.
20:05Can we just stop? No.
20:06We've been writing letters to each other for ages, all right?
20:09We've exchanged tapes already.
20:11I've seen photos of her collection and she's seen mine.
20:14Oh, my God!
20:17You actually like her.
20:19Look at you.
20:20All spiky, like I just insulted your girlfriend.
20:23I'm scarlet for you.
20:24You actually think you're going to come over here and meet your dream girl?
20:28Shut up.
20:29Some fucking cool girl
20:30and you're going to make a connection over shite movies.
20:33It's pathetic.
20:37That's not true, is it?
20:39No.
20:43I mean, she did say her folks were away.
20:45It's not with this whole trip, is it? No, it's not.
20:47Look, I don't need to listen to this shit, all right?
20:49She's not a liar.
20:50Unlike you.
20:53What's that supposed to mean?
20:54Oh, come on.
20:55We know you were having some sort of nervous breakdown
20:58or whatever they call it.
21:00That's why you weren't in school.
21:03And that's why you wouldn't leave your room.
21:05Billy, don't.
21:06No, some people were saying you were up to duff,
21:08knocking it in the head in Liverpool.
21:11Other people were saying eating disorder.
21:14But me and Con, we both know
21:17you're just mental.
21:23That's not what I...
21:28Great. She starred in it.
21:30Why can't you just be nice to each other?
21:32Grow up, Con.
21:53No.
22:23Con?
22:54CON SCREAMS
22:56CON SCREAMS
22:58CON SCREAMS
23:00CON SCREAMS
23:03Con, there's someone. There's someone.
23:05There's someone out there.
23:06He had a mask and I thought he was going to Con.
23:08No, hey, hey, hey.
23:10There's someone out there, Con.
23:12What's going on?
23:13She thinks she saw someone over there.
23:14I don't think anything. He was right there.
23:19You don't believe me.
23:20No, I do. It's just...
23:21Just what?
23:22Con, I won't make this up.
23:23OK, if you say so.
23:28Look, you have to admit,
23:30you've been a little messed up lately.
23:33What?
23:35You want to do this now?
23:37Con, you're another half of it.
23:39Wilton, just tell me.
23:42Maybe just some kids messing around.
23:44No, no, Billy, it wasn't just some kids, Billy.
23:46I saw him. He had a weird mask and he was right there.
23:50OK?
23:52So, are we talking slasher
23:54or is it like some mad pagan folk horror shit?
23:57Shut the fuck up, Billy!
24:04Look, I believe you, all right?
24:07And if I was some fucking psycho, we need to leave right now.
24:10What? No! No, no, no, no, no, no.
24:12We've got to stick to the plan, all right?
24:14Remember, there's that festival thingy on.
24:17That was just locals playing dress-up.
24:19It's nothing to worry about.
24:22I promise you, Zoe.
24:24Fine, whatever.
24:26We'll just stick to your plan then.
24:28But it's on you if someone comes into the tent tonight
24:30and slits our throats.
24:32Fine by me. I'll be down anyway.
24:35Great, well, at least both of us can agree on one thing.
24:38Not listen to me.
24:48BELL TOLLS
25:02CHANTING
25:05BELL TOLLS
25:10CHANTING
25:15SCREAMING
25:19SCREAMING
25:24SCREAMING
25:28SCREAMING
25:30SCREAMING
25:45Are you Mr. Power?
25:48Maureen!
25:51Oh, Jesus.
25:53Is this a...
25:55..bad news thing?
25:58Well, that depends.
26:01Right now, we're just looking to speak to young Con.
26:03Is he in?
26:04Oh, Jesus Christ.
26:06Oh, my heart.
26:08Why did you take your hat off with a big, depressed head, didn't you?
26:11What do you mean? That's my face.
26:14Oh, my God.
26:16Oh, my God.
26:18What do you mean? That's my face.
26:22Look, I just need a word.
26:24We've had a report about money being stolen from the school's debts fund.
26:33You know, this place looks like Camp Crystal Lake.
26:36Yeah, it does.
26:38Where's Camp Crystal Lake?
26:40It's where Jason drowned.
26:41Who's Jason?
26:43Jesus, Zoe, have you ever even seen a horror movie?
26:46I've seen The Elephant Man. Does that count?
26:48No!
26:51It's embarrassing.
27:16No!
27:22Don't! Don't! Step!
27:29Don't! Don't! Step!