Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00I have to go to the bathroom. I have to take a...stool.
00:06Shut the fu-
00:06Damn, Daniel! Back at it again with the white vans!
00:11LIKE AND REMEMBER!
00:15What are you doing? Eating?
00:17Is it worth-
00:18DAMMIT!
00:20I may smile all the time, honey, but I got a mean fuckin' backhand,
00:23and I'm not afraid to use it on your ugly ass.
00:26Alright, what's the name- what's the name of this smoke trick?
00:29Du- the fuck you doing?
00:32Hey, Ryan, do you want the solo?
00:34You know I have no problem with thaaats, yeahh!
00:38Okay.
00:40Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
00:42MOP!
00:43And God said, let there be God, I mean, love-
00:45I'm so sick of all these haters, like, start it from the bottom now, we here.
00:49You have no haters, like, nobody knows you.
00:51YOU'RE A HATER!
00:52Oh my God, do you hear that?
00:55It's you finally being quiet, good job!
00:58I'm the one that got the Hennessy in my heart one more time for you guys.
01:05I'm Anderson and I'm the owner and founder of Oh My Gluten Free.
01:08Somebody just say GLUTEN!
01:11Are you getting ready for school?
01:13I'm banned from every school in the county.
01:15Why?
01:16It's petty, like I killed the principal.
01:17For sure.
01:18Why did you buy this water?
01:22I only like organic!
01:24I swear to God!
01:26Stop in the front of the road and talk!
01:30What the hell?
01:36Stop!
01:38It happened!
01:39What happened?
01:40I prayed last night that I would never see your ugly ass face again and here you are right next to me!
01:50Shut the fuck up!
01:51It's okay, it's okay.
01:52I like snow in my car.
01:53It's fine.
01:54Honestly, I don't care that I had my window down.
01:56I like snow.
01:57Here's a little tip how to look cool while go-karting.
01:59Break that sucker up and ride baby!
02:05They're making fun of me!
02:08I'm crazier bitch!
02:15I love taking shots because when I'm on that toilet I get to check all my favorite social media.
02:22Who is this?
02:23Is this One Direction?
02:24Mom, I'll be right back.
02:25I'm gonna go kill someone real fast.
02:26What the fuck does this guy think?
02:29Back and forth and the girls are here!
02:33You're not on the fucking dance team, Tiara.
02:35Oh, so you wanna fight, huh?
02:41You guys, she's dying!
02:43I mean, she is kind of ugly.
02:44Maybe you should just let her go.
02:45I mean, she's a mess.
02:47Oh, what's good?
02:50Let me ask you something.
02:53Natalie!
02:54Why were you in my underwear drawer?
02:58Oh my gosh, aren't you that guy from Vine?
03:03Today is career day.
03:05Alex, would you like to present your dad to us?
03:08Yeah.
03:10Today is career day.
03:12Alex, would you like to present your dad to us?
03:14Yeah.
03:15Everybody shut the fuck up!
03:17Get in here!
03:18Catherine, get the fuck in the photo!
03:28Well, they told me you were kind of jealous of me.
03:31What?
03:32It's okay, I get it.
03:33I'm really pretty.
03:34You ugly as fuck!
03:35I guess my microwave couldn't handle it.
03:39This is my new hit single.
03:41Don't forget about the velociraptors.
03:49Sir, can you calm down?
03:55I know you didn't say that to me, bitch.
03:57I swear.
03:58You're such a jackass, dude!
04:01Gather around, students, so we can put all our hands in the blender.
04:06No.
04:07Shove a tamagotchi up my ass and call me a squirrel face,
04:10because I'm looking good as fuck.
04:12One, two, three, four, that's how many men are between those doors?
04:15Sarah, you are a slut!
04:17Get out of my house!
04:26Do you want to see me go there?
04:28Do you want to see me go there?
04:36One plus one equals two, two plus two equals four,
04:38three plus three equals six, and you're still a bitch!
04:42So, you're trying to get into Harvard.
04:44So, what do you like to do?
04:46I fucking vape, dude!
04:48I vape!
04:49Hey, hey, hey, kids, kids!
04:51Patricia!
04:53Honey, can you be quiet?
04:54I'm just trying to do something.
04:55I'm Alex, and this is my impression of a woodpecker.
05:01You know, he kind of cheated on me, but it's cool, y'all.
05:04I swear to God, I'm doing just fine.
05:07I'm doing-
05:08Grandpa, you shouldn't be cooking. You're on your medication.
05:10Shut the fuck up! I'm fine!
05:12Then why the fuck is there a guitar in the-
05:14Does this make me look fat?
05:25I never want to see your face again. I fucking hate you.
05:27Honey, I have the best suggestion.
05:29You should focus on other things besides my life.
05:31In other words, fuck off!
05:33We're about to ding-dong to Sam Pepper.
05:38Dude!
05:40Oh my gosh, are you Chris? I love your work.
05:43My masterpiece.
05:46What is that smell?
05:48Oh my God, I had no clue you were in here.
05:51Well, Ruby tried to push me yesterday.
05:54What did you do?
05:55I said, what the fuck are you doing, Ruby?
05:58And why do you think you're eligible for this job?
06:00I'm pregnant!
06:04Society's so messed up right now.
06:07Could you be a little bit more specific?
06:08It's just society. It's like-
06:17I love organic food.
06:19Everything I eat is farm-to-table.
06:21Cage-free eggs? I fuck with it.
06:23Cliff bar!
06:24So where are you from?
06:25Well, I'm 2% German, 4% French, 18% Italian, 2% milk.
06:31I actually speak three languages as well.
06:33I- Yes, I do.
06:34YES I DO!
06:35Shut up, Tina.
06:37Nope, just going to the pool, honey.
06:39See you later.
06:44Hey, come out to youth group tonight. We're having roasted camel penis.
06:47Everybody likes free food.
06:48I'm not trying to eat that nest.
06:50Does my breath smell?
06:57Hey, Shelly, come on. We're going to take a family picture.
07:00She's not answering.
07:02Shelly!
07:04Oh, shit.
07:10Whoa!
07:11Wow, you're really good at talking a whole bunch and not stopping.
07:15That's great.
07:16Oh. My. God.
07:19Jenna! My nail is broken!
07:23My favorite animal is probably a buffoon.
07:25You mean baboon?
07:26It's a buffoon. We learned it in science class.
07:29This is my impression of a turtle.
07:36Hey, did you enjoy my Thanksgiving dinner?
07:38To be honest, that shit was actually gross as fuck.
07:46I'm sorry. I wasn't listening to your stupid ass.
07:49Okay, now that we've all sang happy birthday to you, I'm just going to try one more time by myself.
07:52But we just sang it.
07:53Shut up!
07:54Happy birthday!
08:00Shut the fuck up!
08:02Alright, some sour cream. Here you go.
08:04Can I get more?
08:05It's going to be a little bit extra. Is that okay?
08:07Alrighty, right here.
08:08Oh, my God. Is that Kennedy Grace?
08:10Just kidding. It's a trash can.
08:14World star!
08:15Let's sing it together!
08:18Sunday morning and I'm horny on-
08:21Oh, my God. He's so gorgeous.
08:24Oh, my God. He's going to say his first words.
08:26Hi, welcome to Chili's.
08:28Like, I really want to teach yoga and zen and overall centeredness,
08:31but I also like to really kill and stab people on the weekends.
08:34Oh, my God. You're a Capricorn.
08:36Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I forgot to do the ritual.
08:40I studied for two weeks and I still failed the test.
08:44Damn, honey. Maybe school just ain't for you then. I'm sorry.
08:47And I'm proud to be an American.
08:50For at least I know I'm free.
08:54Could you pass the casserole?
08:55Are you taking a photo of me?
08:57What the fuck? Let me know before you take a photo of me!
09:00Hey, guys. It's Jarrett.
09:02I'm 13. I like soccer, skateboarding, and I love Soldier Boy.
09:06Honey, don't get mad at me because you ain't got no fucking ass and titties.
09:09You look like a sheet of paper when you wear a white shirt.
09:13I add sound effects to my vines because they'll get so big.
09:19And I can honestly say I've been way more peaceful these past couple months.
09:23Hold on one second.
09:24Mom! Shut up!
09:28I'm trying to sleep!
09:32Why are they doing this to this poor lady?
09:35Look at all the other girls.
09:37Were you the only sibling?
09:42Hey, Natalie.
09:43Where'd you put my tampon?
09:45Any sauces?
09:46Hot and verde.
09:47What did you just say to me?
09:49Oh, sorry. Verde.
09:50I thought you were trying to seduce me or something.
09:53How long did you sleep last night?
09:54Like six hours straight, two hours game.
09:58I'm just going to come out and say this.
10:00Why did you use my quote?
10:01You know I say hello. That's my thing.
10:04That's a plagiarism.
10:05Cut the bullshit.
10:06I'm not scared of you, bitch.
10:08Huh?
10:12Okay, if I gave you two cheeseburgers and I gave one of yours to Ashley,
10:14how many cheeseburgers would you have then?
10:16Get your crusty ass hands off my food!
10:18The wheels on the bus go round and round, yeah.
10:25I'm seriously in love with Bustin' Jeepers' new song.
10:27It's Justin Bieber.
10:28Okay, Vanessa, well, I'm sorry.
10:30I didn't pronounce it perfectly.
10:34Bruh, shut your ass up.
10:36Shit.
10:38You guys, shut up.
10:39I'm trying to talk.
10:40Let me speak.
10:42Bitch, nobody's trying to hear you.
10:48What are you going to do?
10:50What are you going to do?
10:51No, it's crazy.
10:52It's like literally just a matter of how ugly can you get?
10:54And you keep breaking the barrier every time.
10:57I hate when people make fun of me!
11:01I didn't do anything!
11:03I literally could give two shets about what anybody thinks about-
11:07Did she comment on the post?
11:11There's quite a lot-
11:14Okay, I'm fucking out of here.
11:16I don't know the answer to that question, but I know the answer to this question.
11:19Am I sitting next to the ugliest person in the entire world?
11:23People always say, oh, he's on drugs, he's drunk.
11:25No, honey, I know how to act.
11:30Oh my god, I seriously miss you.
11:31Let's definitely hang out next week, okay?
11:34She knows damn well I ain't trying to hang out with a crusty ass.
11:36Sorry, I'm allergic to gluten.
11:38Gluten, gluten, gluten, gluten.
11:43You know, to be honest, to me, you're actually extremely ugly.
11:46But to somebody else, you're attractive.
11:48It's all about perspective.
11:54Sweet life of Zack and Cody!
12:01That's an ugly, mean one!
12:02Hey, how old are you?
12:0320.
12:04Oh, I'm 22.
12:05Wait, 22?
12:06No, 22!
12:09I told you to stop touching me, you wouldn't stop touching me.
12:11I told you countless times to shut up, and you wouldn't shut up, so shut the fuck up!
12:16Try our bread, 100% gluten-free and still delicious!
12:20I can't believe it's not gluten.
12:22Welcome to Arby's, would you like to try our new-
12:24No, it's okay, I think I'm gonna-
12:26Let me finish!
12:28Would you like to try-
12:29Can you pass me the steak sauce?
12:31Sorry, I only have five ste-
12:34Dig, dig!
12:35I'm like Kate Winslet, hello!
12:37Jesus Christ has a message for you that I wanna show!
12:46The fuck was that?
12:48Get down now!
12:50Oh, what, you about to jump the fuck off here?
12:52What the hell are you about to do?
12:54I'm getting tired of all this!
12:57Just kidding.
13:00Well, they told me you were kinda jealous of me.
13:02What?
13:03It's okay, I get it, I'm really pretty.
13:05You ugliest fuck!
13:06That moment when you had a bad dream, and then you wake up, and then you realize there's someone with Mickey Mouse ears and glasses, and then you realize you wake up in your bathtub.
13:13I LOVE JESUS, DAMMIT!
13:16That's why I go to church on Sunday!
13:19Is there anything to eat at my house?
13:21Nope!
13:22Hey Rick, I'm going for a jog, do you want anything?
13:25Okay!
13:28Oh, nevermind, my mom bought food!
13:32A fucking carrot!
13:34Honey, you rocked the hell out of that dress last year, but you fat as fuck now!
13:38Uh, but Walmart has a great selection!
13:41Hey, want a mozzarella stick?
13:42I'm sorry, is the mozzarella stick gluten-free?
13:45Gluten.
13:46Gluten-free.
13:47Gluten-free.
13:48Gluten-free.
13:49Gluten-free.
13:50Gluten.
13:51Gluten.
13:52This is the last time I'm gonna tell you to put your feet down!
13:54Or what, I'm 6'3", 200 plus pounds, what exactly are you gonna-
13:58Did you know there's people out there that are starving, have no food, water?
14:02No, I'm too busy trying to figure out what color this fucking dress is.
14:04Well, Mrs. Love tried to take my Legos until I slapped her across the face, and I said,
14:09Miss Love, fuck you mean bi-
14:11Put them up!
14:12Just kidding, I'm the fashion police, you look splendid!
14:17And then I said, Diane, you really need to cut back on all the-
14:19Hold on one sec.
14:20I will pay you some mad money, like big dollars to shut up.
14:30No, I'm going gluten-free because last week I ate three large pizzas and I got diarrhea from it.
14:35Like, I literally can't eat them with gluten anymore.
14:37Callum, damn son.
14:39Ashton, my pumpkin.
14:40Michael, I'll ride you like a tricycle.
14:42Luke, let's fuck.
14:44You wanna fucking drive me, bitch? Huh?
14:48I ain't playing with you!
14:49Natalie, be quiet, I'm trying to sleep.
14:53NATALIE, I'M TRYING TO-
14:55Who, Obama? Oh, I've heard of him, he's pretty good.
14:58I think his lyrics are, like, really mellow and, like, thought out. It's pretty interesting.
15:03And I'm a big fan of Taylor Swift's new song, the-
15:05WHY ON A STREAM SONG?
15:09WINTER BREAK!
15:11WINTER BREAK!
15:13IT'S WINTER BREAK!
15:15I don't know what you're doing with your little friends, but when you're living in my house, we have rules here.
15:19Sorry, mom, I'm not really fluent in-
15:21What do you call a child playing in the middle of the street?
15:24I just fucking ran over that kid.
15:26Excuse me, do you know who I am?
15:28I'm on Vine!
15:30Vine?
15:31YOU DON'T KNOW WHO VINE IS?
15:33I'm stuck on my roof, I can't go anywhere.
15:35The only thing I can do is run up this wall.
15:37SPIDERMAN!
15:39VANESSA, HONEY, I CAN'T KILL YOUR FAMILY!
15:43I HAVE YOUR KEYS, BITCH!
15:46I'm sorry, I don't know what you're doing with your little friends, but when you're living in my house, we have rules here.
15:50Sorry, mom, I'm not really fluent in-
15:52I HAVE YOUR KEYS, BITCH!
16:00Alrighty, Johnny, what's two plus two?
16:02Seven?
16:04Okay.
16:06Uh, nope.
16:07I tried helping an old man cross the street earlier, and he said no, and then later on I saw him dead, so I guess he got ran over, but that's none of my business.
16:13WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU! WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU! HOW DARE YOU!
16:17LEARN SOMETHING FROM THIS!
16:19Yeah, it sucks, dude, you know?
16:21FOR SURE, FOR SURE, YEAH! FOR SURE, YEAH! FOR SURE, FOR SURE, YEAH! FOR SURE, YEAH!
16:25HAPPY CHRISTMAS!
16:27IT'S CHRISTMAS!
16:29MERRY CRISIS!
16:31MERRY CHRYSLER!
16:33Out here enjoying nature, me, my dog, uh, the lake.
16:37Usual.
16:39I'm Lee Kay, what's up, hello!
16:41It's a pretty ice, miss your hockey today!
16:45Hey, bro, do you want a chip?
16:47Hell yeah.
16:50Oh my god, dude, I'm not-
16:54Bitch, turn the fuck around, sit down. Shut up.
16:57We'll get your dog, dude, don't worry, alright? I'm serious.
16:59Actually, my mom just said I had to go eat lunch with her, so I'll be right back, alright?
17:03I love that one!
17:04We could be heroes!
17:08Right?
17:09UNLOCK!
17:11If I sing you a song, will you unlock?
17:14FUCK!
17:15I'm thinking about selling my dog.
17:17Why?
17:18He always chews up my homework and eats my newborns.
17:20That's just a phase.
17:21Maybe.
17:22He was just talking back to me!
17:24Wait, this is 4-1-1, not 9-1-1?
17:27Wait, this is sweet poten-
17:28Do you understand what I mean now?
17:30Yes, bitch, I'm fluent as fuck in English.
17:33Aw, hey, butter biscuit!
17:35Aw, hi, sweet cinnamon whipped cream sprinkle top!
17:38Aw, you shouldn't have brownie fudge triple decker.
17:40Have you heard about the new update? It's actually goals.
17:43Have you heard about this phase? It's got some potential!
17:47Mm-hmm, mm-hmm!
17:52Shut the fuck up!
17:53Hey!
17:54Hey, how's it going?
17:55You're transphobic!
17:56What?
17:57You're a racist!
17:58I didn't even say anything!
17:59You've said enough.
18:00I'll have mashed potatoes and a salad.
18:02I'll have mixed vegetables!
18:05My favorite opera singer?
18:08Probably Iggy.
18:10I really like the-
18:11Hey, want some gummy bears?
18:14Are the gummy bears gluten-free?
18:17Hey, Grandma Janice, can you please stop sending me nudes?
18:21I think you might have the wrong number, Grandma.
18:28Check out my mixtape, it's fire!
18:30Welcome to my kitchen.
18:33We have bananas and avocado.
18:36Well, I'm like 3% German, 4% Irish,
18:4087% German.
18:43Hey Rita!
18:44And I was like, yes?
18:46Could I advise you to stop talking behind my back
18:48and do your fucking job?
18:49Can you calm down? We'll find your dog, alright?
18:51Don't worry, dude.
18:56That's correct!
18:57My hair may look like burnt curly fries,
19:00but does it change your life in any way, shape, or form?
19:03Yeet.
19:04Yeet.
19:05Yeet!
19:06Yeet!
19:07Yeet!
19:09While I'm gone, please don't change a thing.
19:13Don't change a thing at all.
19:20Shut the fuck up.
19:21It's getting a little late, honey. You might want to go to sleep now.
19:24But Mommy, I don't want to!
19:28Mozzarella stringy wingies.
19:32Yum!
19:33Ah, yes, how are you?
19:35Well, I'm not trying to eat no Mexican food right now.
19:38What the fuck?
19:43Johnson!
19:45Hey baby girl, make that sound you know I love so much.
19:47Okay!
19:50Oh, yeah.
19:52Finally home.
19:57Well, we think you should be a cardboard box for Halloween
19:59because you ugly as hell and nobody notices you anyway.
20:02It's like a win-win.
20:05Ha!
20:09I am the parent and you are the child!
20:13Duh, bitch.
20:14Sorry, I'm gluten free.
20:17Gluten!
20:18Gluten!
20:19Gluten!
20:20Jesus loves me this!
20:25Yeah!
20:27When I was running away from you, I don't...
20:29Holy fucking shit!
20:31Never mind, bitch.
20:33Mommy, did you turn in your assignment today?
20:36Why not?
20:37The fuck?
20:39Can you unlock already?
20:41Please unlock.
20:44Oh my God!
20:45My two favorite drinks are probably the Shut the Fuck Up Pacino
20:48and then I also like the Try Me One More Motherfucking Time Latte.
20:51Mom, where did Dad put the cream cheese?
20:53The what?
20:54The cream cheese.
20:57One time, I urinated on a dog.
21:00He queefed and I went, huh?
21:02We should definitely go to New York City.
21:03We should definitely get ice cream.
21:04I really want to go skate.
21:05Do you want to...
21:07I literally go so hard in the paint.
21:09I've really been getting into some trap music.
21:12Liam, sit down.
21:14I'm not loud and I'm noxious!
21:16I just like to have fun!
21:19No, like she like decapitated my father or whatever
21:22and like peed on me and I was like,
21:24girl, do you need to talk?
21:25Like, what's wrong?
21:32Gloria!
21:33Where you been, bitch?
21:35We haven't talked nor seen each other in 17 years.
21:55Girl, you need to try my beef stew!
21:58It's so fucking good!
22:00Shit!
22:01Shit!
22:02No, mom.
22:03No, okay?
22:04Cause, no.
22:05I can do whatever the fuck I want, okay?
22:06I'm six.
22:07I can get fucked in the ass if I wanted to, okay?
22:08He just makes me so happy.
22:11Cheeseburgers make me happy.