Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:01You're welcome.
00:02Sometimes I feel like I live with a big kid.
00:03You need to grow up.
00:04Are you listening to me?
00:05Did you say something?
00:06Ben!
00:07Let go of Lucy's tail.
00:08He has a butthole.
00:09This is how you make a fruit salad.
00:10The first thing you'll...
00:11No!
00:12Girls, why aren't you at school?
00:13I'm sorry.
00:14I'm sorry.
00:15I'm sorry.
00:16I'm sorry.
00:17I'm sorry.
00:18I'm sorry.
00:19I'm sorry.
00:20I'm sorry.
00:21I'm sorry.
00:22I'm sorry.
00:23I'm sorry.
00:24I'm sorry.
00:25I'm sorry.
00:26I'm sorry.
00:27I'm sorry.
00:28I'm sorry.
00:30Why aren't you at work?
00:31Here's how to charge a device.
00:33All you need is orange and orange juice.
00:34Oh come on!
00:35It's never going to work!
00:36No!
00:37Come back!
00:38Check it out!
00:39It's going to work!
00:42What happens when a bee comes into the van?
00:45This happens!
00:46I spilled my coffee everywhere.
00:47The bees still there.
00:52My car!
00:56Polizea!
00:57La Polizia!
00:58Why is she driving so slow?
01:01Daddy, I got two balls.
01:03I used to have two balls.
01:05What happened?
01:06I married your mom.
01:09Don't worry guys, there's plenty of food to last for days.
01:11We just ran out of food.
01:12Oh, come on!
01:13Come on, Aiden, we're not nervous.
01:14Why do you have that on your head?
01:16Daddy, because I'm a puppet.
01:19Oh, God.
01:21So what do you want for breakfast?
01:22Xbox One.
01:23What?
01:24Eggs in a bun.
01:25Oh.
01:26With a side of Xbox One.
01:27Where's Mommy?
01:28She's at jury duty.
01:30Duty.
01:33Do you have any gum?
01:34Check my purse.
01:35Oh, boy.
01:36Where?
01:37It's like a jungle in here.
01:38Oh, never mind.
01:39Found it.
01:42What are you doing?
01:43I pooped.
01:44When I say swagger, you say wagon.
01:46Swagger.
01:47Wagon.
01:48Swagger.
01:49Wagon.
01:50They love that man.
01:51Do you like your new owl tattoo?
01:53Yeah.
01:55It's so funky sweet.
01:57How to make a popular find.
01:58Step one.
01:59Kidnap a popular finder.
02:00Let's go.
02:01What?
02:02What?
02:03Stop it!
02:04My Galaxy's not working.
02:06When I was your age, I had to just stare out the window.
02:09That was a suck.
02:11Dad.
02:13Dad, come upstairs.
02:15Dad, come upstairs.
02:16I want to show you something.
02:17Show me my twin seeds.
02:19You forgot to say, please.
02:22Please.
02:24Here's how to charge your device.
02:25Plug this into this.
02:30Power of music.
02:31Dad!
02:32Get off Facebook so we can go to the store.
02:36What are we doing?
02:38One question at a time.
02:39It's not a press conference.
02:43Kaya!
02:44Face forward.
02:46You're spilling macaroni on the floor.
02:49What does IKR mean?
02:51I know, right?
02:52No, it's...
02:53Hello?
02:54Hey, what does IKR mean?
02:56I'm using up the hand sanitizer.
02:58I'm not getting an Ebola.
03:00You're not going to get Ebola.
03:02Stop.
03:03Alright, who's ready for a road trip?
03:05Whoa, whoa, whoa.
03:06You need to take me to the dealership first.
03:08We'll invite this guy.
03:09That's a gun.
03:10Are you going to swallow it?
03:12Yes.
03:13Then no.
03:15Oh no, she looks mad.
03:17Okay, say something nice.
03:18You look tired.
03:19Kaya, make sure you show your work.
03:22But why?
03:24No one knows.
03:26If you could have one wish, what would it be?
03:28I wish I could fly.
03:29This is not flying!
03:31I'm not a genie!
03:33Why are you making those blue, dude?
03:35They're blue.
03:36They're fucking tight.
03:38Oh.
03:39Knock, knock.
03:40Who's there?
03:41Interrupting dog.
03:42Interrupting dog.
03:43Get back down here.
03:47Get back down here.
03:50One.
03:51Two.
03:52Damn it.
04:01No.
04:02No.
04:03No.
04:07I'm here.
04:08Where are you?
04:09I'm almost there.
04:10Where?
04:11You don't see me?
04:12No.
04:13I'm right here.
04:14You're a liar!
04:15Do you like your new gourd?
04:16No, it's a pumpkin.
04:18It's a gourd.
04:19No, it's a pumpkin!
04:21Here's another way to charge your device.
04:23All you need is a watermelon.
04:24Let me get you, Jerry!
04:25Just saying, right, man?
04:26Where's my phone, Jerry?
04:27I'm in my room, daddy.
04:30You have too many sisters.
04:32I know, sir.
04:43John!
04:44There's a bear on the counter.
04:47I told you this was supposed to go...
04:48Okay, selfie!
04:51Okay, anyways, what I was saying...
04:53If you get too close, your hair's gonna burn off.
04:57Is that why you're bald?
04:59What?
05:01Dad, when can I have this car?
05:03When you go to college.
05:04Okay, dad.
05:06I always won.
05:08But you're a full-grown man dressed as a bat.
05:11And you wear lipstick.
05:16Thank you!
05:17Oh, come on! It's fine!
05:24Gotcha.
05:25Dad, can I have...
05:26Oh, what do you want now?
05:27Every time you ask me for something...
05:28Dad!
05:29What?
05:30Can I have a tissue?
05:31Oh, yeah, my bad.
05:32I'm a ghost or a cow!
05:33Here, take this.
05:35Thanks, dad.
05:37Excuse me.
05:39Hey!
05:40Do you have this in a medium?
05:41Because this is, like, really tight.
05:43Dad!
05:45You're alive.
05:48Look at that guy laughing at you.
05:50Come to yoga with me.
05:51No.
05:52You're right, it's only women anyway.
05:53Why didn't you tell me yoga was awesome?
05:56Dad!
05:58Make sure you wash my pajamas.
06:03What?
06:09My kids were put to bed an hour ago.
06:12What are you doing out of bed?
06:15Can I get your name, please?
06:16Yes.
06:17My name is Maria Juanita Graciela Carolina Isabela Fernanda Rafaela Manuela Paluina.
06:22That's a constructor.
06:24Give it back.
06:25No!
06:26Let me know when you change your mind.
06:28Listen up, guys.
06:29Christian's going to be taking care of you tonight, so I don't want any funny business at all.
06:32I want you to be serious, because this is serious.
06:34Ben, be careful.
06:36You're going to spit.
06:42If you listen closely, you can hear an animal eating and a woodpecker tapping.
06:48A letter, dad.
06:49Here.
06:54Here's how to take a perfect selfie.
06:55First, you start with mysterious eyes.
06:57And then you add some light.
06:59Perfect!
07:00Who's your valentine?
07:02I don't have one.
07:04I'm your valentine.
07:06Aww.
07:07Can you please clean your rooms?
07:08I don't know. Can we?
07:13There you go.
07:14What happened in school?
07:15Somebody took my chocolate milk.
07:17Did you tell?
07:18No, I kicked him in the balls.
07:20They're going to love this!
07:21What's in it?
07:22Oh, well, there's kale, broccoli, celery.
07:24Oh, whoa.
07:25How about a banana?
07:27Are you going to take the trash out?
07:29Yes.
07:33Where did you learn how to drive?
07:40What did you do in school today?
07:42I got a boyfriend.
07:43Boyfriend.
07:46That's the last time you bully my son, you hear me?
07:48Let's roll.
07:53Dad!
07:54Oh, my God.
07:55Would you like some?
07:57Peach.
08:00Tech support, how can I help you?
08:01Yeah, my Wi-Fi stopped working again, man.
08:02Are you in the torture chamber again, sir?
08:04What difference does it make?
08:05Oh, okay, it works now, thank you.
08:06Kaya, make sure you color in between the lines.
08:10What do you think I am, five?
08:12My wife says I sound like Gru in the kids' fight.
08:15Stop arguing or else I'll put the iPad in the garbage, Margot Atkins!
08:19Sienna.
08:20Sienna!
08:21Sienna!
08:23Princess Sienna the Magnificent.
08:25Yeah.
08:26Here's another way to charge your device.
08:27Okay, by using a sock and a cord and you rub it on a carpet and get some static electricity and you charge it enough, you get a...
08:34Taylor.
08:35Peace.
08:38Weirdo.
08:39Who wants to go on a wilderness adventure?
08:41Yeah!
08:42This isn't the wilderness.
08:43What? Why?
08:44Because that's the park and that's Jimmy's house right there.
08:47Lucy!
08:48Stop chewing on my ear.
08:51Hey guys, get ready for your...
08:55Stop hurting me!
08:58The rules of the road don't apply to me.
09:00Dad, you just got a speeding ticket.
09:04Who wants to go rock climbing?
09:05Yeah!
09:06This is not rock climbing.
09:08What? Why?
09:11On my sock, Daddy.
09:13It's a stocking.
09:14No, Daddy, it's a big sock.
09:19Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
09:24Jen, put your seatbelt on.
09:27You're breaking the law.
09:30Can I have more ice cream?
09:31No.
09:32Did you hear that, Grandma?
09:34Better feed my babies before I...
09:35You is a dead man.
09:37Ready to roll?
09:38Yeah!
09:43Okay, Dad, I dropped your phone in the toilet.
09:45You stupid mother...
09:46Stupid motherfu-
09:46Whoa, whoa, whoa, have some more patience.
09:48Wait, this is not my phone.
09:49It's my phone, you stupid-
09:55Fixed it.
09:57Hey baby, go upstairs and clean your room, okay?
09:58One minute.
09:59No, do it now.
10:00I said one minute!
10:02Okay, you know what? Take your time.
10:03Ben!
10:04Keep your hands to yourself.
10:07Maybe you'll listen next time.
10:10Sometimes I feel like we're just not on the same page.
10:13Are you listening to me right now?
10:17One.
10:23Whoa, what's wrong?
10:24My foot's asleep.
10:25I know how to wake it up.
10:29If you don't stop kicking my seat, I'm gonna take the string cheese.
10:36Here's another way to charge a device.
10:37Get a balloon and a small child.
10:39Okay, check this out.
10:41Okay, just rub it on her head.
10:43You forgot to wash your hands.
10:46Oh, man.
10:48You learn new things about people when you turn off technology and remove distractions.
10:51For example, I have a wife and kids.
10:54Ben, get back in bed.
11:00I'm not buying you a pony for Christmas.
11:02Grandma will buy me one, right, Grandma?
11:04I'll get you anything you want, sweet pea.
11:06You da man, Grandma.
11:08Daddy, a balloon.
11:09Good job.
11:11Good job.
11:16I thought Sensi was helping.
11:17No, I'm all out.
11:18Come outside, I have an idea.
11:19What?
11:20Go, go, go.
11:22What are you making?
11:23A dress.
11:25Are you sure?
11:27No, I don't know.
11:28How to read Spanish comments.
11:34Oh, my God.
11:35Everything okay in there?
11:41Okay, I'm thinking about a Christmas vine.
11:43Ask me if I care.
11:44Do you care?
11:48Do you like my new tiara?
11:51Dad, you're a bat.
11:52You can't wear that.
11:54Go first.
11:58Are you a wizard?
11:59Where are you going?
12:01What are you building?
12:03That's pretty cool.
12:05Okay, I'm here.
12:06Where are you?
12:07I'm almost there.
12:08Where?
12:09Just around the corner.
12:10I don't see you.
12:11You can't see me?
12:12My new car's pretty sweet.
12:14Blake, will you please stop telling people this is your car?
12:17Grandma?
12:19Where's all the food?
12:20There are hungry children in this country.
12:22You don't need to eat.
12:23But I'm hungry.
12:24Drink water.
12:25Oh, bye, Daddy.
12:27No way, Jose.
12:29I'm not Jose.
12:31Can we go outside and play?
12:33Did you clean your room like I asked you?
12:34Did you cut the grass like Mom asked you?
12:37Dad, look how many Valentine's I got from my boyfriend.
12:40How many boyfriends do you have?
12:42Like 20 or something.
12:44Hey guys, we're going dark for dinner.
12:45That means no technology, no distractions, just us.
12:52Do you even lift, bro?
12:54Yeah.
12:59You're gonna hear me roar.
13:03Mom!
13:04Mom, I'm hungry!
13:08Nutella, Nutella, Nutella.
13:11This one's cheaper.
13:12Wow, you really hate your children.
13:15Jen, I can tell you've been doing a lot of squats.
13:21Hey kids, we're going to Disney World!
13:22Dad!
13:23Haha, just kidding.
13:24I'm going back to sleep.
13:25Sweet dreams, Dad.
13:26Whatever.
13:28Pick up the pace.
13:29Pick up the pace.
13:31No!
13:35So my horn doesn't work.
13:37No big deal.
13:38Come on, let's go!
13:41Dad, it's too heavy!
13:43Suck it up!
13:44Suck what up?
13:48My wife says I sound like Gru when I have road rage.
13:50Apparently you got your driver's license from a cereal box!
13:54Can we go to Disney World and call Dad and Mommy?
13:57Sure!
14:00You mess with my son, you mess with me, okay?
14:03Let's go!
14:08What are you drawing?
14:09A rainbow.
14:11It's beautiful.
14:13Here's another free way to charge your device.
14:15Okay, all you need is a plastic cup and some sunlight.
14:17Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!
14:19Solar energy!
14:20Are you enjoying the game?
14:22Yes, sir.
14:23That's not a very manly koozie.
14:25Shut up.
14:26Shut up.
14:28Magic workout boots.
14:32What the hell?
14:33You need to eat your carrots.
14:35No.
14:36Then no dessert.
14:39Back to school on Monday!
14:41Back to school on Mo-
14:44When does school start?
14:46Mom, Christmas, Daddy.
14:48Ho, ho, ho!
14:50Ho, ho, ho!
14:52Why should everybody follow us on Instagram?
14:54Because we're thirsty for more followers.
14:57That's not how we practice.
14:58I'll go outside, Daddy.
15:00Get your shoes on!
15:02Bye, Daddy!
15:04Oh, my God!
15:05Knock, knock.
15:06Who's there?
15:07Surprise.
15:08Surprise who?
15:09Surprise mother-
15:10Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
15:11Ben!
15:12What did I say about peeing in the yard?
15:15Miss, Mommy won't know.
15:17That's right.
15:18Yes, hi, what can I have that completely does not destroy my lower intestines?
15:22Um, everything?
15:24Got this for Sienna today, but I'm taking it back.
15:28I want it!
15:29Never!
15:30Have you met both my daughters?
15:32This is my little princess.
15:33Hi!
15:34And this is my little hipster.
15:35Is Vines the thing?
15:37Dad, I'm 32!
15:38How did you lose weight?
15:40I just took a big dump.
15:42I love roller coasters.
15:44Oh, my God, help me, I'm going to die!
15:49How was show and tell?
15:51Awesome!
15:52I'm going to need that back.
15:54No way!
15:57Did you say thank you?
15:58Yeah.
15:59Did you tell them to follow me?
16:00What?
16:01No.
16:02The whole point of going out tonight is to-
16:03Benjamin!
16:04Tables are for glasses, not asses.
16:07No, Daddy!
16:08You're the party pooper and destroyer, and you're the party that ends in one second.
16:14You're the party-
16:15Hurry up!
16:16We're going to be late for the bus!
16:21Wow, I really let myself go.
16:23I should exercise.
16:24Or I should just take pictures like this from now on!
16:28Stop chewing your Christmas sweater.
16:30We just got it for you.
16:32No.
16:34Snacks!
16:35Check!
16:36Hats!
16:37Check!
16:38Shoes!
16:39Check!
16:40I feel like I'm forgetting something.
16:41Ben, that's soup, not toothpaste.
16:44It is toothpaste, Dad.
16:48What if I told you you could meet Marcus Johns?
16:50Who's Marcus Jones, and why should I care anyway?
16:54Ben, make sure you point it down.
16:57We don't want a repeat of yesterday.
17:00I'm out!
17:04Don't tell your mother what I just said!
17:07The rules of the road don't apply to me.
17:11Daddy, stop!
17:14Do you guys want breakfast?
17:16Or not?
17:18Just say not.
17:20Girls!
17:21What did I tell you?
17:23Stop it!
17:27Dad, when can I shave?
17:29When you become a man.
17:32What are you drawing?
17:33A picture of Santa.
17:35These are his nipples and his belly button.
17:39Surprise, Mother Father!
17:41Wow, A+, that's incredible!
17:43Wow, I'm so proud of you!
17:45Why are you reading the dictionary?
17:48Is it Mary?
17:49Do you want some chicken nuggets?
17:52I think it's time you got your own phone.
17:54Huh?
17:55What do you think?
17:57Yeah?
17:58Really?
17:59Do you want to play with my crib, Daddy?
18:01Sure!
18:02Dad, what can I read to you today?
18:06Your dog's constant barking makes me want to put it on a very large catapult!
18:11Help!
18:12Who put you in there?
18:13Ben did it!
18:15Ben?
18:17So what do you kids want for dinner?
18:18Stop it, Bat!
18:20What, bacon and cheese stuffed crust pizza?
18:22Yeah, Bat!
18:24Do you like your new princess sparkle bottom pony?
18:34Go hurt someone else's stupid foot, you stupid lego!
18:37Daddy, I made food today.
18:39Was it good?
18:40Yeah, better than Mommy's.
18:44Hey, are these free samples?
18:45Yeah.
18:47Excuse me.
18:50This one!
18:52This one!
18:53This one!
18:56That is the last time I want to see this.
18:58He'd make a funny angry face.
19:00He'd make an ugly woman.
19:02What's so funny?
19:03Do you mind explaining this?
19:11I'm a huge fan.
19:12Thanks.
19:13Not you, mother, father, your kids.
19:14You just got burned, man!
19:16Can I have the mask?
19:17No.
19:18Can I have the mask?
19:19No.
19:20Can I have the mask?
19:21No.
19:22Fine.
19:23I'm here to celebrate 20,000 followers with an old friend.
19:26Say 20,000!
19:27Go away before I call the police.
19:28That's how you say 20,000?
19:29Lucy's in the trash can again!
19:32Lucy, get out of the trash!
19:34Lucy! Lucy!
19:36Korean words with Mr. Yang.
19:37Don't drop that dundun.
19:38Don't drop that dundun.
19:39Don't drop that dundun.
19:41Who's this crisp boy you're gonna marry?
19:44Who told you that?
19:45Ben.
19:46Ben!
19:48We need to start saving for the kids' college fund.
19:51Why? There's plenty of time.
19:52Dad, I need the car tonight.
19:53What?
19:54P-I-N-C-O
19:57And Bingo was his name-o.
20:00Stop!
20:04Just a bite.
20:09Can I take these off now?
20:10No, Daddy.
20:14No, not yet.
20:15Where are you?
20:16I'm almost there.
20:17Swear to me!
20:18I swear!
20:20Ow! What's your problem?
20:21Selfie!
20:30Crap, that's hard.
20:31Why are we here for dinner?
20:33Because Mom's not home and I don't know how to cook.
20:36That sucks.
20:38Isn't this swell, son?
20:39Take a picture, Dad.
20:40Yo, Instagram this, yo!
20:42Yeah!
20:43Do you like your rock candy?
20:45Yeah, but I have to suck on it because it's rock hard.
20:48That's what she said.
20:50I came in like a wrecking ball.
20:52Apparently, it is a thing now to leave empty cartons inside the fridge.
20:57Look at my egg.
20:58Cool.
21:01No, Ben.
21:09What are you doing in there?
21:17Excuse me.
21:18Excuse me.
21:20School starts soon!