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00:00:00The End
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00:03:29Oh, thank you, doctor.
00:03:31You're very welcome. Bye.
00:03:37Patient Jeffrey Brooks, professional writer, traveling on world cruise with his wife, Sandra.
00:03:42A couple married four years, no children.
00:03:46Patients have symptoms of extreme tension and anxiety caused by apparent infertility.
00:03:52Normal in all other respects.
00:03:55It was prescribed five grains of salicylic acid, telling patients it would produce great excitement accompanied by complete freedom from anxiety and inhibitions.
00:04:05A simple experiment in the power of suggestion.
00:04:09Patients, of course, unaware that the dosage is an aspirin tablet.
00:04:13It will be interesting to see what happens.
00:04:17Sandy?
00:04:17I'll be out in just a minute, Jeff.
00:04:19I'll be out in just a minute, Jeff.
00:04:25Hi, Annie.
00:04:30Sandy.
00:04:31Do you want something, Annie?
00:04:34No, it's all right.
00:04:35No, it's all right.
00:04:36It's all right.
00:04:58It's all right.
00:04:59I'll be out in just a minute.
00:05:00There I am, honey.
00:05:12Hi, sweetheart. I was just having a drink.
00:05:14Join me?
00:05:15Oh, no, thanks. It's not five yet.
00:05:27What are you doing, honey?
00:05:28I, uh, just thought it might be a little cozier like this.
00:05:38You know, you know, Jeff, you look sort of strange.
00:05:42I do?
00:05:44I don't feel strange.
00:05:50I don't feel anything.
00:05:51I don't feel anything.
00:05:58Sandy, you look gorgeous.
00:06:19Oh, honey, thank you.
00:06:23What are you doing?
00:06:28Jeff, you've been trying too hard.
00:06:32It's unnecessary, honey.
00:06:35Ah, am I going to die?
00:06:49Not just yet.
00:07:04It's only a hangover.
00:07:06Oh, Doc, if I could only unscrew this head for a few minutes.
00:07:09You know, sick as I am, I'm starving.
00:07:12Ah, that's all part of it.
00:07:13Here, drink this.
00:07:14What's in it?
00:07:1586 proof.
00:07:16Treffier old Scotch, more commonly called hair of the dog.
00:07:19On the hatch.
00:07:21Oh, Doc, I feel awful.
00:07:24You feel better in a minute.
00:07:26Oh, what was in that pill?
00:07:27A few drinks and bam, it's the next day.
00:07:30Ah, I mentioned amnesia as one of the side effects.
00:07:33You mean I'll never remember what happened?
00:07:35The amnesia is permanent unless an alcoholic drink is taken within 24 hours.
00:07:40But I just had a drink and I still don't remember it.
00:07:44Wow.
00:07:45Ah, it's beginning to come back, I see.
00:07:48Doctor, do you know what I did after I took that pill?
00:07:50I could make a few shrewd guesses.
00:07:53I was standing right in the middle of the room, right about there, and I turned.
00:08:05I was standing right in the middle of the room, right about there, and I turned.
00:08:35I was standing right in the middle of the room, right about it.
00:08:55Good morning, Mrs. Brooks.
00:08:57Would you care for some hot broth?
00:08:59Hm-hm?
00:08:59No, nothing, thank you.
00:09:01My husband's been there right now.
00:09:03We might be going to have a baby.
00:09:09We're not?
00:09:10There's apparently a touch of seasickness.
00:09:12Of course, it might be too early to tell.
00:09:14I'll make another test next week.
00:09:16Oh.
00:09:17I know, it's a shame. What a big disappointment.
00:09:19Oh, it's not me I'm concerned about. It's Sandy.
00:09:21It's an obsession with her.
00:09:22She keeps knitting baby clothes,
00:09:24telling everybody she meets she's going to have a baby.
00:09:26This is going to be a big blow to the whole ship.
00:09:28Oh, I know, I know.
00:09:29I've never seen a woman so determined to have a baby.
00:09:32I was counting on that pill you gave me. You said it was going to work.
00:09:34That's most discouraging. I know. I know.
00:09:38Too bad we've got to tell her the truth.
00:09:42What do you mean too bad? She's got to know the truth.
00:09:44You think I'd lie to my wife about something as important as this?
00:09:46No, no, she's got to know the truth.
00:09:48Oh, Jeff, I'm so sorry.
00:09:50I couldn't stand it. I just couldn't wait another moment.
00:09:52I am. I know I am. Say I am.
00:09:54You am. Art.
00:09:56Oh, oh, oh, I knew it. Oh, darling, I knew it.
00:09:59Oh, I'm so happy. I knew it.
00:10:01I knew that this time it just had to be. It had to be true.
00:10:03Oh, Jeff, I'm so, I'm so happy for it, darling.
00:10:06Oh, my goodness, the stress. I've got to get out of it right away.
00:10:09It's much too tight.
00:10:10Let's see, I brought some maternity clothes with me,
00:10:12so I'll go to my cabin.
00:10:13Maternity clothes?
00:10:14I've got so many things to do. I don't know where to begin.
00:10:16I haven't even told Claire yet.
00:10:18My hair, my, what am I going to do about my hair?
00:10:21I know, I know. I'm going to let it come in natural.
00:10:23It's much more motherly that way.
00:10:25Oh, darling.
00:10:29Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
00:10:31Bye, darling.
00:10:39Thanks a lot. Thanks a lot.
00:10:41What did I do?
00:10:42What did you do? You put the whole idea in my head.
00:10:44I didn't do anything.
00:10:45You said I am, you are.
00:10:47You make that whole thing.
00:10:49When Sandy finds out the truth, we're finished.
00:10:51Finished.
00:10:52Don't be ridiculous.
00:10:54It might not be possible for her to have a baby.
00:10:56Are you kidding?
00:10:57Sandy's been checked and double-checked.
00:10:58She can have a hundred kids.
00:10:59Two at a time, one doctor said.
00:11:01Uh-huh.
00:11:03What do you mean, uh-huh?
00:11:05Well, let me do a little check and double-checking on you.
00:11:08Oh, well, that won't be necessary, doctor.
00:11:11Really?
00:11:13See, doctors.
00:11:15Well, there's something about me you ought to know.
00:11:17Yes?
00:11:19I, uh...
00:11:20Yes?
00:11:21Well, uh...
00:11:23Yes?
00:11:24Back when I was in military school...
00:11:26Yes?
00:11:27I, uh...
00:11:28Yes?
00:11:30Had the mumps.
00:11:32No.
00:11:34How now, brown cow?
00:11:38How now, brown cow?
00:11:42Grazing in the tall, thick thistles.
00:11:45Grazing in the tall, thick thistles.
00:11:48I got it.
00:11:49I got it.
00:11:50Well, good.
00:11:52Remember it.
00:11:53You never can tell when that's going to pop up in a conversation.
00:11:56An actor has got to keep in shape.
00:11:58Besides, it makes me feel well.
00:12:00You think I want to be the only one on this entire ship to be seasick?
00:12:03Oh, I wouldn't worry about that.
00:12:05My little friend next door does pretty well at that rail.
00:12:08She ought to hate to be a fish in this ocean.
00:12:10Sandia's different.
00:12:11She's expecting.
00:12:12She's not expecting.
00:12:13She's convinced.
00:12:14What's wrong with that?
00:12:16Now, look, don't you go getting caught up in that old mother act of hers.
00:12:21She's no more with child, as she so delicately puts it, than you are.
00:12:26You're kidding.
00:12:27Oh, look, here's an ad on our cruise.
00:12:29Picture yourself on a world cruise aboard a graceful ocean liner.
00:12:34You're cruising along at 25 knots over a gently rolling sea.
00:12:41Yep, it's rolling.
00:12:43Dining in Japan on succulent octopus.
00:12:47In Peru, enjoying delicious stuffed oysters.
00:12:50How do you stuff an oyster?
00:12:53Then onto glamorous cyan savoring the exotic iguana.
00:12:59It's just a lizard, isn't it?
00:13:01I think I just slide down.
00:13:03Oh, King.
00:13:05You're not going to go through that whole bit again, are you?
00:13:08I might.
00:13:09Oh, your fans should see you now.
00:13:12Go get them and let them look.
00:13:33I can see it all now.
00:13:36Sandy will find out our lives to her.
00:13:37She'll realize we can never have a baby.
00:13:39She'll leave the ship at the next port.
00:13:40We'll get a divorce.
00:13:41We're finished.
00:13:42I don't think it's as bad as all as that.
00:13:44Give yourself a chance.
00:13:46Claire, King.
00:13:48You'll never guess what.
00:13:50What?
00:13:51I am.
00:13:52Are you sure?
00:13:53I'm positive I just got back from the doctor.
00:13:55Oh, I'm thrilled.
00:13:56Is the doctor still there?
00:13:58Oh, poor King.
00:13:59Who else did you tell?
00:14:00Well, you know, I came from the radio shack where I sent cables to everybody.
00:14:04And you and the radio operator are the first to know.
00:14:06Well, we're clattered.
00:14:08Oh, now where are you off to?
00:14:10I'm going to the beauty parlor.
00:14:11Want to come along?
00:14:12All right.
00:14:13You know what I feel like?
00:14:15A double dip hot fudge marshmallow sundae.
00:14:22It's no good.
00:14:23I can face up the facts.
00:14:24I'm no good to anybody.
00:14:25I can never be a father.
00:14:26I'm no good to my wife.
00:14:27I might as well be dead.
00:14:28Nonsense.
00:14:29Pure nonsense.
00:14:30Mr. Brooks, you're a young man.
00:14:32You have a whole lifetime ahead of you.
00:14:34I'm told you're a very fine writer.
00:14:35I was, but I'll never write another line as long as I live.
00:14:38You want to laugh?
00:14:39What?
00:14:40You know what they called me?
00:14:41What?
00:14:42Hollywood's most prolific writer.
00:14:44Ha!
00:14:45Thank you, Father.
00:14:50Babette, dear.
00:14:52I'm going to be conservative.
00:14:54You're a genius.
00:14:56Oh, thank you so much, my dear.
00:14:58I mean it.
00:14:59The soft undulating wave.
00:15:01The contour caressing the skull.
00:15:04It's fabulously perfect, Babette.
00:15:07I'm so glad you liked it.
00:15:08Like it?
00:15:09I adore it.
00:15:10Oh, sure.
00:15:11Oh, Sherry.
00:15:12Please.
00:15:13Don't touch.
00:15:14It's still wet.
00:15:15I'm sorry, love.
00:15:16You're a genius.
00:15:17Come on, too late, dear.
00:15:18We mustn't be late for lunch.
00:15:20Sandy.
00:15:21Oh, Claire.
00:15:22Sandy.
00:15:23Hi.
00:15:24You're just in time.
00:15:26You're both a mess.
00:15:28I'm celebrating.
00:15:29Oh, really?
00:15:30She's going to have a baby.
00:15:31Oh, marvelous.
00:15:32With the girl, the first permanent is on the house.
00:15:35Good job.
00:15:36I'll tell you something, Bernie.
00:15:39Hold the phone, girl.
00:15:42There you are, my dear.
00:15:57My latest creation.
00:15:59Burnt almonds.
00:16:00Oh, I love it.
00:16:03He is heavenly.
00:16:18Look at it this way, Mr. Brooks.
00:16:19Sterility is a complex problem.
00:16:21We don't know a great deal about it, but we do know that tension can be a contributing factor.
00:16:25But you already gave me a pill for that.
00:16:27It was all right as far as the wind.
00:16:28It just didn't go far enough.
00:16:30Relax.
00:16:31Relax.
00:16:32Sure, relax.
00:16:33That's easy for you to say.
00:16:34I'm thinking about your wife.
00:16:37You mean give my wife a pill?
00:16:39Of course.
00:16:45Only this time, I'm going to give her something a little bit more potent.
00:16:50More potent?
00:16:52The reaction will be more pronounced than before.
00:16:56Particularly with both of you taking a pill.
00:16:58I assume, of course, if you're willing to try it.
00:17:01Oh, of course, I'm willing to try it.
00:17:03I mean, more potent, huh?
00:17:10Shall we cut and bleach it?
00:17:12No, no.
00:17:13Just a wash and set.
00:17:15I'm going to let it come in natural.
00:17:17We'll put on 10 years.
00:17:18Well, it'll go with the extra 20 pounds I'm going to put on.
00:17:21Now that she's going to become a mother, she wants to look the part.
00:17:25You mean it's really true this time?
00:17:27I just came from the doctor.
00:17:29Well, isn't that a kick in the head?
00:17:31Oh, no.
00:17:32It's no good, Doc.
00:17:33It won't work.
00:17:34Why not?
00:17:35She's not going to take a pill from me for that.
00:17:37Use your head, Doc.
00:17:38She thinks the job's done.
00:17:39Why would she take a pill from me?
00:17:41For a writer, you use very little imagination.
00:17:44You don't tell her about the pill.
00:17:47Don't tell her about the pill?
00:17:48Of course not.
00:17:49Arrange for a private dinner party just the two of you.
00:17:52Be romantic.
00:17:54You know, candle lights, flower on the table, wine for a toast.
00:17:59She can't object to a little wine.
00:18:01You mean put the pills in wine?
00:18:03Big, big.
00:18:04One pill in each glass.
00:18:05A sentimental toast and...
00:18:08Imagine that, a baby after all this time.
00:18:15The nature full of screams.
00:18:17Well, if at first you don't succeed.
00:18:19Well, I'll tell you one thing.
00:18:21I'm not going to have any children.
00:18:23I should hope not.
00:18:25You're not even married.
00:18:30Doctor, if these pills work, my hat's off to medical science.
00:18:33They will work, I'm sure, if it's just follow my direction.
00:18:36I will.
00:18:37Oh, Doctor, they won't hurt her, will they?
00:18:38I'm the contrary.
00:18:39Oh.
00:18:40Now, don't you worry about the thing.
00:18:41I won't, I won't.
00:18:46Patients are unusually open to suggestions.
00:18:49Describe two aspirin tablets, telling him they're even more potent than the first.
00:19:00I get such a charge out of her.
00:19:02She's so excited about the baby, isn't she, though?
00:19:06Listen, would you like to go in with me and we'll give her a shower?
00:19:11I'll wash her hair, Claire, and that's as far as I go.
00:19:15The reaction will be more pronounced than before.
00:19:18Particularly with most of you taking a pill.
00:19:20Oh, Doctor, they won't hurt her, will they?
00:19:22The country!
00:19:23It's almost time for dinner, honey.
00:19:25You ready?
00:19:26Sweetheart, I have a wonderful idea.
00:19:30Why don't we not have dinner tonight?
00:19:32What's so wonderful about that?
00:19:34Well, I mean, not go out for dinner.
00:19:35I was thinking, why don't we have dinner here alone in the cabin?
00:19:38Just the two of us.
00:19:39Oh, you mean because of the baby?
00:19:42Yeah.
00:19:43Because of the baby.
00:19:44Yeah.
00:19:45Oh.
00:19:46Because of the baby.
00:19:47I figured we'd have a little candlelight, a little wine, and us.
00:19:50Oh.
00:19:51That's marvelous.
00:19:52Oh, then we can do it.
00:19:53They'd love to do it.
00:19:55Let me see.
00:19:56We can't.
00:19:57We promised King and Claire that we'd have dinner with them.
00:20:00Again?
00:20:01Again?
00:20:02Honey, you know they expect to have dinner with us every night.
00:20:07I'm getting pretty sick of what they expect.
00:20:10Up to and including their little stranger.
00:20:15I'm getting sick inside of sitting opposite of that stupid actor every night
00:20:19and watching him sprinkle wheat germ on everything.
00:20:21Where's my wheat germ?
00:20:22No, you probably used it all up.
00:20:24After all, you only brought 15 quarts.
00:20:27A guy can get pretty watching sprinkle wheat germ on his raw meat.
00:20:32I know, honey, but he means well.
00:20:35I found it.
00:20:36Oh, goody.
00:20:37Here.
00:20:38Oh, hook me.
00:20:39I've got it.
00:20:40I'll tell them you're sick.
00:20:42That way we can have dinner here alone.
00:20:44Why don't I tell them that you're sick again?
00:20:46That way we can have dinner alone.
00:20:48Well, if you think they'd believe it.
00:20:50They never believe it.
00:20:51It's happened before.
00:20:52Well, it's happened before.
00:20:54Nonsense.
00:20:55I am as healthy as an ox.
00:20:58Well, I...
00:20:59Good, sweetheart.
00:21:00It's settled.
00:21:01I'll order some wine right now.
00:21:02Just for us, the two of us down here alone.
00:21:05Jeff, I don't know.
00:21:06You don't know?
00:21:07What do you mean you don't know?
00:21:08What's the matter with you?
00:21:09I think I've got a touch of morning sickness.
00:21:13Morning sickness?
00:21:15At 8 o'clock at night?
00:21:16Aren't you running a little fast?
00:21:18Oh, here's your yogurt.
00:21:20Strawberry.
00:21:21Shall we take it along?
00:21:22Claire, please don't.
00:21:23When you're expecting, there are just certain things that you have to expect.
00:21:28But you always have yogurt whenever there's Pig Knucklesons.
00:21:31So I'll cry out on the menu.
00:21:32Oh, sweetheart.
00:21:33I hate to see you suffer like this.
00:21:35No, I don't mind at all.
00:21:36I really love every moment of it.
00:21:38Oh, really?
00:21:39What about our private dinners?
00:21:41Oh, I better not.
00:21:42I better take a rain check.
00:21:44You don't mind, do you, Jeff?
00:21:46I don't mind, baby.
00:21:47I'm just thinking about us.
00:21:48Want me to stay in with you?
00:21:50Oh, no, no.
00:21:51I'd really rather be alone.
00:21:53But you go out and eat, honey.
00:21:55Baby, I couldn't eat without you.
00:21:57I mean, it just wouldn't be right for me to walk.
00:21:59Of course, they do have Pig Knuckles and sauerkraut.
00:22:02I could have that with a little beer.
00:22:05Oh, what's the matter with me?
00:22:10I'm sorry, sweetheart.
00:22:12A little beer, a little Pig Knuckles.
00:22:19Hi.
00:22:20Hi.
00:22:21I'm just going for a bite.
00:22:22So was I.
00:22:23You was down again?
00:22:25And out.
00:22:26Mine too.
00:22:30Well, you know, we've had so many meals together,
00:22:32the whole ship's beginning to talk about it.
00:22:37Yeah.
00:22:38You're taking this news pretty bad, aren't you?
00:22:42What news?
00:22:43About the baby, I mean.
00:22:44Oh.
00:22:45You still seem to be in a state of shock.
00:22:48You just don't recognize happiness when you see it.
00:22:52I just don't understand.
00:22:54I don't understand this wild urge to leave your blood
00:22:57in the veins of some poor, unsuspecting offspring.
00:23:01What is the population of the world, anyway?
00:23:04Three billion?
00:23:05Give or take a couple.
00:23:06I know we were told to be fruitful and multiply.
00:23:09How fruity can you get?
00:23:15You don't understand.
00:23:16You just hate kids.
00:23:17I do not.
00:23:19If King and I get to the point of where we feel
00:23:21we're not enough for one another,
00:23:23well, I'll talk to Northen.
00:23:25That way we'll be making the world a little better place
00:23:27for some kid that's already stuck with it.
00:23:30Aren't you overlooking your little basic biological urge?
00:23:33Oh, now we're going to get the one about the natural urge
00:23:36for reproduction.
00:23:37Believe me, there is such a thing.
00:23:40Well, the dear days before I was married
00:23:43and in show business,
00:23:44I remember all the guys were just loaded with that biological urge.
00:23:49I can remember the sales pitches now.
00:23:51Like, look, baby, I've spent a lot of money on you tonight.
00:23:55Or, uh, don't say no.
00:24:03You're the first girl I've ever asked.
00:24:10But you can't send me home like this.
00:24:12Oh, and I'll respect you.
00:24:19That'll be our bond.
00:24:20Don't fight it.
00:24:21This thing is bigger than both of us.
00:24:24Two martinis.
00:24:25That would never work for me.
00:24:26You know, not once did I ever hear a guy say to me,
00:24:29please, I want to be a daddy.
00:24:32Urge for reproduction, my eye.
00:24:37There's a lot more urge around than there is reproduction.
00:24:40Yeah, yeah.
00:24:42You know, with the fatherhood potential I have,
00:24:44I should have married you.
00:24:46What's wrong with your father's potential?
00:24:48You just made it.
00:24:49Well, yeah, but what a struggle.
00:24:51Uh, two years ago, I told Sandy
00:24:53I thought we should adopt a kid.
00:24:55And she wouldn't do it?
00:24:56No, every time I discussed it,
00:24:58she'd tell me about the postman's sister-in-law's daughter.
00:25:00What about the postman's sister-in-law's daughter?
00:25:04Well, the doctor told us she had a tumor
00:25:06and could never have children.
00:25:07The tumor turned out to be a bouncing baby boy.
00:25:11You know, they thought I was a tumor,
00:25:13but I fooled them, didn't I?
00:25:15Didn't I?
00:25:16If you think so, skull.
00:25:19Skull.
00:25:21Skull.
00:25:23Skull.
00:25:30Skull.
00:25:44Look at that moon.
00:25:45They've got to be kidding.
00:25:48Yeah.
00:25:49I wonder if they've got one like that for tourist class.
00:25:51Just a half moon.
00:25:53Oh, look at them.
00:25:55Aren't they cute?
00:26:02Do you feel that way about me, dear?
00:26:05Sure.
00:26:06Would I be here otherwise?
00:26:09Oh dear, Tulia.
00:26:20Oh, excuse me.
00:26:25Oh, dear.
00:26:27Oh, dear.
00:26:32Oh, dear.
00:26:33You know, I surely hope that King Ecclare won't be hurt about this.
00:26:57Oh, sweetheart, let them be hurt.
00:26:58This is our night.
00:26:59You know, you're really very thoughtful.
00:27:01I'm just thinking about us.
00:27:03Hmm.
00:27:04That's cute, too.
00:27:06Oh, yes, ma'am.
00:27:07You look very nice.
00:27:08You did?
00:27:15Well, voila.
00:27:18Oh, Captain, I've ordered a table for two for tonight.
00:27:21I trust I'm not too early.
00:27:23It would never be too early for madame.
00:27:25Aprevu, my lord.
00:27:27Oh, merci bien.
00:27:28You are welcome, I am sure.
00:27:30I am sure.
00:27:35A toast to the most ravishing creature in this cabin.
00:27:39You are ravishing, aren't you?
00:27:40Half ravishing, half Lithuanian.
00:27:43Thank you for delivering the old jokes, my love.
00:27:47To my wife.
00:27:48Oh, I'll toast to that. I'll drink to that.
00:27:51Wait, wait, wait.
00:27:52What's the matter?
00:27:53You know the way King and Clairol always barge in here.
00:27:55Oh, by this time they've gone up to dinner.
00:27:57Why be half safe?
00:28:00Happy New Year!
00:28:02Is this a private role or can anybody come?
00:28:04We're celebrating.
00:28:05King hasn't been sick for 12 whole hours.
00:28:08Me neither have I.
00:28:09Let's have a drink to them, huh?
00:28:11I'm sure why not.
00:28:14Oh, is there any more glasses in here?
00:28:16That was my drink.
00:28:17And let me tell you, it was delicious.
00:28:19You had no right to drink my drink.
00:28:20Come up to the bar out by your old bottle.
00:28:22Come on, Sandy, we all go up to the bar.
00:28:24I don't want you to take your hands off my wife.
00:28:26Say, you're a couple of hands ahead of us.
00:28:28Would you like to have a drink?
00:28:29I don't want to have a drink.
00:28:30I don't want to have a drink.
00:28:31I don't want to have a drink.
00:28:32Would you bring me all right back?
00:28:33Sweetheart, would you like to go?
00:28:34Honey!
00:28:38Sandy!
00:28:39King!
00:28:40I saw it happen.
00:28:41He's not bleeding, is he?
00:28:42No, but he's sure knocked out.
00:28:43Oh, that's good.
00:28:44I can't stand the sight of blood.
00:28:46Come on, Claire.
00:28:47Let's get him to sick day.
00:28:48Good night.
00:28:50Oh!
00:28:51Wait a minute.
00:28:55Well, I wonder what happened to Jeff and Claire.
00:28:58Probably dancing.
00:28:59Have a drink.
00:29:00Oh, we'd better wait for them.
00:29:02Listen to the way my addiction has improved.
00:29:05How now, brown cow grazing in a thick thistle?
00:29:10It's cute.
00:29:13Very cute.
00:29:14It took me a long time to get it just right.
00:29:18Well, you artists are never satisfied.
00:29:21Did you know they thought I was a tumor?
00:29:26Second thought, I think I'll have that drink.
00:29:31Two scotch.
00:29:32Make a double.
00:29:33It's a little more.
00:29:34I'm happy, eh, honey.
00:29:40No, no.
00:29:41No, I won't.
00:29:43No, I won't.
00:29:44No, no.
00:29:45No, it won't.
00:29:48Yes, you've got to go.
00:29:50Yes, you've got to go.
00:29:51Let's have a drink.
00:29:52Let's have a drink.
00:30:03It's for you and one for me.
00:30:22Oh, no, I'm blind.
00:30:39Oh, oh, morning.
00:30:44Oh, no.
00:30:49Claire.
00:30:51Good morning, sweetheart.
00:30:58What are you doing here?
00:31:01What am I doing here?
00:31:03Oh, it's you.
00:31:05We're in sickbay.
00:31:07How'd we get here?
00:31:08Don't you remember?
00:31:10I don't remember a thing.
00:31:13Frankly, I was feeling a little high myself last night,
00:31:16but I'll do my best to fill you in.
00:31:19I remember you had a pretty nasty fall.
00:31:24I was worried about a concussion.
00:31:26That's why I brought you up here.
00:31:28You mean, you mean we spent the night here together?
00:31:31Apparently.
00:31:32And you were babbling something.
00:31:34I couldn't quite make it out.
00:31:36Something about pills and...
00:31:38You know, that's what scared me.
00:31:42That's why I went over there and looked in that medicine cabinet
00:31:45and I found something that looked like aspirin.
00:31:47I gave you one and...
00:31:49I took one too.
00:31:52You gave me one of these pills?
00:31:55And took one yourself?
00:31:57Yes, and boy, I must have been loaded last night
00:32:00because I don't remember a thing after that.
00:32:03Until I woke up a few minutes ago.
00:32:05Oh, thank goodness.
00:32:06Oh, Claire.
00:32:07Now, you've got to promise me.
00:32:09You mustn't take a drink for 24 hours.
00:32:11Exactly what I was just telling myself.
00:32:14Remember now.
00:32:15No drink for 24 hours.
00:32:18What are you doing?
00:32:19To see my wife.
00:32:20What about the doctor?
00:32:22He's done enough already.
00:32:26Oh, good morning, Mr. Brooks.
00:32:28Oh, excuse me, good morning.
00:32:29Did you by any chance see my wife this morning?
00:32:30Yes, sir.
00:32:31She's in your cabin having breakfast with Mr. Banner.
00:32:33Oh.
00:32:34I'm glad she's got her sea legs again.
00:32:36She ordered Coffee Royale.
00:32:37Oh, Coffee Roy...
00:32:39Ah, it's Brandy!
00:32:43Excuse me.
00:32:45I'm sorry.
00:32:46Excuse me.
00:32:47I've never slept so well in my life.
00:32:51I didn't even hear Claire get up.
00:32:53Jeff didn't wake me up this morning either.
00:32:55I think he's getting more considerate now
00:32:57that he's going to become a daddy.
00:33:00Sadie!
00:33:02Oh, thank you.
00:33:03Are you insane?
00:33:04It's boiling hot.
00:33:05I am insane.
00:33:06You know I'm insane about coffee and brandy.
00:33:08Then you're scowling yourself for nothing.
00:33:09That's just plain black coffee.
00:33:11Here's the brandy.
00:33:12Oh, thank you.
00:33:13Thank you, sweetheart.
00:33:14I love brandy in my coffee.
00:33:15Oh, what happened to your poor head?
00:33:18I fell out of a plane.
00:33:20Well, your mommy will fix it for you.
00:33:23Have some coffee with us, boy.
00:33:25No, thanks.
00:33:26I just had some.
00:33:27What are you eating?
00:33:28Finest tonic in the whole world.
00:33:30Oatmeal.
00:33:31Blackshirt molasses.
00:33:32Weed germ.
00:33:33I'm sorry I asked.
00:33:35But you were hungry, huh?
00:33:37Famished.
00:33:38Me too.
00:33:39I've never been so hungry in all my life.
00:33:41Yeah, that's all part of it.
00:33:43Well, I'll...
00:33:45Well, I got dressed for a tournament.
00:33:48Me too.
00:33:49I'll be ready.
00:33:52Poor baby, how did you hurt your little head?
00:33:55A trip chasing you and King last night.
00:33:58Funny, I don't remember when it happened.
00:34:00Do you remember anything about last night?
00:34:02Anything at all?
00:34:03Nothing really after I left the cabin except...
00:34:06Except, you know, that...
00:34:08That awful seasickness feeling came around again.
00:34:11My goodness, it must have hit me pretty hard.
00:34:13I don't even remember how I got to bed.
00:34:15You don't, huh?
00:34:16But I had a marvelous sleep.
00:34:19Thank you for not awakening me this morning.
00:34:22Oh, it's all right.
00:34:23You know, when I woke up, I felt like I owned the whole world.
00:34:28I never remember feeling so good before.
00:34:31Never?
00:34:32Never.
00:34:33Say, how about a game of deck tennis?
00:34:36Deck tennis?
00:34:37Yes.
00:34:38King entered us in a tournament.
00:34:41We should stop being our social director.
00:34:44What are you smiling at?
00:34:47Oh, nothing, darling.
00:34:48I'm just so very happy.
00:34:50At last we've got what we always wanted.
00:34:53What our marriage always needed.
00:34:55Yeah.
00:34:56You know, I think it's going to make the world of difference in our lives.
00:35:00It could.
00:35:02I, uh, I suppose King got seasick too, huh?
00:35:05Yeah, so he said.
00:35:06Isn't that funny?
00:35:07Yeah.
00:35:08It's a riot.
00:35:12You know, we finally figured it out.
00:35:14It was all that wine we drank.
00:35:15We drank it so fast.
00:35:17Yeah, no doubt about it.
00:35:18It was the wine.
00:35:19Well, it's all over now, thank goodness.
00:35:21Thank goodness, huh?
00:35:22It's amazing how it changes you, though.
00:35:24I can promise you I put on a whole inch around the top.
00:35:27That's impossible.
00:35:29You like my new scent?
00:35:33Yeah, what is it?
00:35:34My sin.
00:35:35Figures.
00:35:46You know what today is, honey?
00:35:47Hmm?
00:35:48You know what day this is?
00:35:49Thursday?
00:35:50No, it's King's birthday.
00:35:51The captain's giving him a party.
00:35:52That's nice.
00:35:53I just thought of a wonderful present to give him.
00:35:55It's something of yours.
00:35:56Something of mine?
00:35:57What?
00:35:58You know that pair of binoculars you picked up in Tokyo?
00:36:00Oh, those.
00:36:01Yeah.
00:36:02Well, you want to give him something yourself?
00:36:04I've given him too much already.
00:36:05Oh, darling, I'm so happy right now.
00:36:08I think this is the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to us.
00:36:10Well, I've given him too much already.
00:36:12Oh, darling, I'm so happy right now.
00:36:14I think this is the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to us.
00:36:16I tell you, if another catastrophe had come along, I don't know what really would have
00:36:29happened to our marriage.
00:36:30Sometimes I think of all kinds of terrible things.
00:36:33Sweetheart, we'd have made out somehow, wouldn't we?
00:36:35Well, anyway, it's silly to talk about it because we've been so lucky.
00:36:39I wonder what King will say when he finds out we're going to give him a party.
00:36:43Well, he'll say something.
00:36:45I know.
00:36:46You'll be in charge of the entertainment committee because you're so cute and thinking of wonderful things to do.
00:36:53Yeah, I always think of wonderful things to do.
00:36:57All ready.
00:37:00Ready and waiting.
00:37:03Bye, Annie.
00:37:04Bye.
00:37:05Oh, wonderful things.
00:37:13Oh, Captain, I'm so sorry I'm late.
00:37:23How nice to see you, dear.
00:37:28Contemporary sociological phenomena.
00:37:31Ladies and gentlemen, I think you all know that this little gala is being given in honor of one of our most famous passengers,
00:37:40Mr. King Balor, who I'm sure he won't mind if we all call him King.
00:37:44Now, we all know of his ability as an actor, but few of us know that he is one of the really great weightlifters.
00:37:51And I think with a little more encouragement from all of you, including myself, we would be able to get him up here to lift a few for us.
00:38:14He's lifting a few himself.
00:38:16Uh, would you hold it, please?
00:38:18I'd like to get just one quick picture.
00:38:20Oh, thank you.
00:38:23You'll love it.
00:38:24You're not ashamed of me, are you?
00:38:26What could you possibly think of?
00:38:28Oh, you dear boy.
00:38:49Hold it.
00:38:58Look at him up there, fathead.
00:39:03Fine father my baby's gonna have.
00:39:19It'll probably be born with an hernia.
00:39:21And he doesn't even know how lucky he is.
00:39:32Suppose he ever found out.
00:39:34And he will find out when he sees the baby.
00:39:37Only thing to do is tell him.
00:39:39Come right out and face him like a man and tell him.
00:39:43He'd understand.
00:39:44We've been friends a long time.
00:39:47King, we've been friends a long time.
00:39:50There's something very important I have to discuss with you.
00:39:54Sure, Bob.
00:39:55What?
00:39:56Uh, you've been around a lot.
00:39:58I mean, you know what the score is.
00:40:00Sure.
00:40:01I guess so.
00:40:02Wow.
00:40:03What a build.
00:40:04I take pretty good care of myself, you know?
00:40:08Yeah.
00:40:09Wow.
00:40:14What's eating you?
00:40:15King, I have a problem.
00:40:17I mean, it happened when I was in military school.
00:40:19For four years, Sandy and I, we want, I want desperate.
00:40:22But we can't.
00:40:23I mean, I try.
00:40:24But I just can't.
00:40:25I can't.
00:40:26You mean, poor Sandy.
00:40:29You married her.
00:40:35I have a problem and I might as well admit it.
00:40:38I am just beginning to realize that.
00:40:40It's not the sort of thing you talk about.
00:40:42You're sure right.
00:40:44Like I say, it started when I was in military school.
00:40:46No excuse.
00:40:47Look, Bob.
00:40:49Have you ever thought of going to a doctor about this?
00:40:52I did.
00:40:53That's where the whole trouble started.
00:40:54He gave me these pills, see?
00:40:56I put the pills in the wine.
00:40:57That's where you came in.
00:40:58Poor Sandy.
00:40:59You like Sandy, don't you?
00:41:01Sandy is a wonderful girl.
00:41:03Then you can realize how this whole thing started.
00:41:06Keep away from me or so.
00:41:08Help me.
00:41:09I'll belt you.
00:41:10You'll belt me?
00:41:11That's a switch.
00:41:12You wind up with my wife and you hit me.
00:41:14Me and Sandy?
00:41:15Why you dirty...
00:41:24Transformers.
00:41:25...
00:41:36They hacerlo down at your home I love you.
00:41:37Oh!
00:41:40Tell me a big one I wanted for a calendar.
00:41:42Send me a big one. I want it for a calendar.
00:41:50Oh, look at that. It's not a thing.
00:41:52Oh, don't bother to count them, darling. I'll keep you a secret.
00:41:55I didn't know you were going to do this, too.
00:41:57Jeff and I have something for you.
00:41:59I can't wait.
00:42:00Happy birthday to you from us.
00:42:03Oh, it's marvelous.
00:42:07You shouldn't have really given me anything.
00:42:09He's absolutely right.
00:42:11Oh, Jeff, behave yourself.
00:42:13He's a perfect physical specimen, isn't he, Claire?
00:42:16A wife can't testify against her husband.
00:42:19Next, you want to examine my teeth?
00:42:21That's a good idea. May I?
00:42:23Oh, Jeff, why are you so interested in dentistry all of a sudden?
00:42:27It isn't all of a sudden.
00:42:29I had an uncle who was a friendly friend of dentists.
00:42:32He was a friendly credit.
00:42:34Anyway, I inherited my interest from him.
00:42:37You believe in heredity, don't you, King?
00:42:40Of course. Very possible.
00:42:42Good. So do I.
00:42:43Take off your shoe.
00:42:45Go ahead. I just did.
00:42:47I'm quite comfortable, thanks.
00:42:49Come on, take them off.
00:42:50We can learn a lot from the Orientals.
00:42:52I take mine off every day.
00:42:54Solid comfort.
00:42:56Cut it out. I don't want to take off my shoes.
00:42:59He's got a hole in the sock.
00:43:01I think he's got a hole in the sock.
00:43:03I think he's got a hole in his hat.
00:43:04He's got a hole in the sock.
00:43:05He doesn't want anybody to know about it.
00:43:08For Beats sake.
00:43:10All right.
00:43:11He's really smashed.
00:43:12A liquor like fire.
00:43:14A good servant, but a bad master.
00:43:17Kingpuss thinks so well.
00:43:19Yes, he's always thinking.
00:43:21He's got perfect arches. Perfect. That's great.
00:43:24What's so great about normal things?
00:43:26Jeff, I think I have something in my eye.
00:43:28Could you aid me?
00:43:30She wants me to aid her.
00:43:31That means I'm going to get something in my eye.
00:43:34Connie, cut it out.
00:43:36You know how sensitive King is about his looks.
00:43:39You can sit there and talk to him about anything.
00:43:41Anything but his appearance.
00:43:46She's absolutely right.
00:43:48King, any insanity in your family?
00:43:53Jeff!
00:43:54That's all right, Sandy.
00:43:55He's just joking.
00:43:56That's right, Sandy.
00:43:57I'm just joking.
00:43:58Is there?
00:44:00No.
00:44:01But I've got a friend.
00:44:03I'm not too sure.
00:44:04I'd better help you back on with your shoe.
00:44:11I'm sorry, old boy.
00:44:12I didn't mean to do that.
00:44:13That's all right.
00:44:14He has perfect reflexes.
00:44:16Perfect.
00:44:19If you two boys are still playing footsies,
00:44:21I'd like to dance.
00:44:23Good idea.
00:44:24I'll dance with you, Claire.
00:44:25King, would you dance with Sandy?
00:44:28Come on, Claire.
00:44:29Up and out.
00:44:30I've got to get my shoes.
00:44:31Never mind your shoes.
00:44:32I guess you stuck with me.
00:44:34You'd rather just sit on my birthday.
00:44:36On my birthday.
00:44:37On my birthday.
00:44:38the undocumented people.
00:44:39Come on.
00:44:40Come on, Claire.
00:44:41Come on.
00:44:42Come on, Claire.
00:44:43Come on, Claire.
00:44:44Come on.
00:44:45Come on, Claire.
00:44:46Come on, Claire.
00:44:47Come on.
00:44:48I've never seen Nick this way before.
00:44:49Oh, he's just exhilarated.
00:44:50You suppose he got into him?
00:44:51I'd say about a quart.
00:44:52I never saw Meg this way before.
00:45:02Oh, he's just exhilarated.
00:45:04What do you suppose got into him?
00:45:06I'd say about a quart.
00:45:07I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.
00:45:23Well, it's all right.
00:45:24Plenty more toes where that came from.
00:45:26I'm a clumsy clod and I can't do anything right.
00:45:30Oh, I don't know about that.
00:45:32You drink a pretty mean drink.
00:45:34Thanks, I don't mind if I do.
00:45:37Please, please.
00:45:44Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?
00:45:47Ladies and gentlemen, with a little encouragement from all of us,
00:45:50I think we can persuade Sandy, who is the wife of King's best friend,
00:45:53to sing a little song for us.
00:45:54Now, let's have a hand for Sandy, all right?
00:46:00Ram, is there anything?
00:46:01Promise her anything, if you're in love?
00:46:14Promise her anything, if you care?
00:46:20And if she's right for you, she'll understand.
00:46:23True love comes but once, so they say.
00:46:27True love comes but once, so they say.
00:46:29When you find it, don't let it slip away.
00:46:34Oh, promise her everything, everything grand.
00:46:41And if she's right for you, she'll understand.
00:46:47She'll go to her, a woman instinctively knows.
00:46:56Yes, promise her anything, in love, anything goes.
00:47:05Look at her, she's beautiful.
00:47:23Right.
00:47:25I'm not good enough for her, that's all.
00:47:47Right.
00:47:55Oh, promise her anything, in love, anything goes.
00:48:23Mr. Brooks.
00:48:24Mr. Brooks.
00:48:25I'll have what?
00:48:27I didn't mean anything by it.
00:48:29That's all right.
00:48:30Oh, I'm sorry.
00:48:31There you go.
00:48:32It's really not necessary.
00:48:33Are you sure you're all right?
00:48:35I'm fine.
00:48:36Yes.
00:48:41Sandy doesn't know.
00:48:42She doesn't know what I did.
00:48:44But she's got to know, a marriage has to be based on trust.
00:48:48I've got to tell her.
00:48:50I've got to come right out like a man and tell her what I did.
00:48:53Do you want something?
00:49:01See you later.
00:49:03Sandy, you're gorgeous.
00:49:05Jeff, you're trying too hard, darling.
00:49:08Sweetheart, I love you more than life itself.
00:49:11Do you really?
00:49:12No, darling.
00:49:13You wanted a baby.
00:49:14I wanted you to have a baby.
00:49:15I never intended it to work out like this.
00:49:17But King's a healthy guy.
00:49:19I look at it like this.
00:49:20We're modern, sophisticated adults.
00:49:23Whatever happened, has happened.
00:49:24And there's nothing we can do about it.
00:49:26There's nothing we can do about it.
00:49:28Oh, my God.
00:49:58Oh, what a divine zombie glasses.
00:50:11Oh, the baby bottle.
00:50:13Come on, now.
00:50:14My neck, dear heart.
00:50:16Come on, baby.
00:50:17Let me get through there.
00:50:18Come on, girl.
00:50:19Clear out.
00:50:20There we go.
00:50:23Oh, I got carried away, you know.
00:50:26Oh, what a wigs.
00:50:31Look at us.
00:50:32What if it's a boy?
00:50:34I have a blue one, sweetie.
00:50:37Now, if you decide to let it come in natural,
00:50:39you can always wear one of these.
00:50:41I am going to let it come in natural.
00:50:43Would you like me to model it?
00:50:45Yes.
00:50:46Oh, I love it.
00:50:47Look at you.
00:50:48That's going to change its cofure.
00:50:51Oh, here, darling.
00:50:54Now, remember your condition, honey.
00:50:57If it bites me, I'm going to kill it.
00:50:59Oh, well.
00:51:00She killed me, too.
00:51:02Now, I'd like to show you, girls,
00:51:04how a wig can completely transform your personality.
00:51:09There we go.
00:51:11Now, baby, I'm going to let you...
00:51:13Oh, darling.
00:51:15Oh, darling.
00:51:16It's absolutely divine of you to invite me on your little soiree.
00:51:25I'm adrift, you know.
00:51:27I just closed my latest play in New York.
00:51:30I thought it would be a tour de force.
00:51:32However, I was forced to tour.
00:51:34Oh, what a bore.
00:51:37What now?
00:51:39What now?
00:51:40We have glasses, identification, a darling, darling red one this time.
00:51:46Really?
00:51:47And I should like to read a nursery rhyme for you.
00:51:54Oh, Betty.
00:51:56Oh, Betty.
00:51:57Oh, Betty.
00:51:58Little Miss Moffat sat on a tosset, eating her curds and whey.
00:52:07There came a big spider and sat down beside her and said,
00:52:14I haven't had decent curds and whey since they closed Romanoff.
00:52:21Now, for this nest, I need a little production.
00:52:28May I have that over there?
00:52:29You may.
00:52:30Thank you, dear.
00:52:31Now, will you darlings make a little curtain for me?
00:52:33A little curtain.
00:52:34Curtain, curtain.
00:52:35Kind of a puppet theater, aren't you?
00:52:36Yes.
00:52:38Up we go.
00:52:41All right.
00:52:42Ready.
00:52:43Curtain.
00:52:47Hello, everybody.
00:52:48Has everyone seen my beautiful new present?
00:52:58It's diamond studded.
00:53:02It's a diaper for the baby that has everything.
00:53:07Now, let's see if I know how to fold it.
00:53:10Oh, there.
00:53:13Isn't that just too perfect?
00:53:16It's diamonds, diamonds.
00:53:25Oh, Sandy, you've been careful.
00:53:39Oh, I've been looking all over for you.
00:53:41Five scratches on screen.
00:53:42Hiya, Doc.
00:53:43Have a drink.
00:53:44Oh, dear me, it's a little early in the day for that, isn't it?
00:53:47I hate a clock watcher.
00:53:49Mr. Brooks, you are a lucky man.
00:53:53How do you figure that out, Doc?
00:53:56I examined your wife this morning.
00:53:58There's absolutely no doubt about it this time.
00:54:01You're going to be farther.
00:54:04More or less?
00:54:05Of course, I didn't let her see that I was surprised.
00:54:08I let her go, I'm thinking that it was true two weeks ago when you told her.
00:54:11Obviously, my pills worked.
00:54:14Obviously.
00:54:15Quank.
00:54:16Begbop?
00:54:17I didn't say anything, have a drink.
00:54:18Oh, no, no, thanks.
00:54:20I knew you could do it, I knew it.
00:54:22Thanks, Doc.
00:54:23Quank.
00:54:25Oh, well, merci.
00:54:31Don't worry, dear heart, I'll reach out the wig for you.
00:54:36Thank you, thank you, everyone.
00:54:38Thank you so much.
00:54:41Oh, have a nice and steady hair idea.
00:54:44Oh, you darling, what a happiness.
00:54:47Wasn't it fun?
00:54:49Wonderful.
00:54:50Did you ever see so many beautiful presents?
00:54:52Yes.
00:54:53Wonderful.
00:54:54Oh, thank you, thank you.
00:54:56Now, don't forget, we've got hair appointments this afternoon.
00:54:59I won't forget, and this is yours.
00:55:00Oh, yeah.
00:55:01Bye.
00:55:02Bye.
00:55:07Uh, how was the shower?
00:55:08Wonderful.
00:55:09Wonderful.
00:55:10Yes, it stank.
00:55:12I've never seen so many lovely presents.
00:55:15She's up to her ears and junk.
00:55:17And you should have seen the girls.
00:55:20And those broths.
00:55:22Every time she opened the gift, it was oohs and ahs and how cute and how divine.
00:55:29How nauseating.
00:55:30You're getting fat.
00:55:32I know it.
00:55:34You're jealous.
00:55:35I am not.
00:55:36And you shut up.
00:55:38You don't love me anymore.
00:55:42It's been a month since I've seen you sober enough to think about it.
00:55:45Ooh, King never gets drunk, does he?
00:55:49No, he doesn't.
00:55:51You sound just like your mother.
00:55:53That's a nasty remark.
00:55:55And you meant it to be nasty.
00:55:57You know something, my own true love?
00:55:58You sound just like her, too.
00:55:59For your information, my mother is going to meet us in New York.
00:56:04Are you going to let her see you like this?
00:56:05If she's good?
00:56:07I'm not going to let her see you like this.
00:56:10I'm not going to let her see you like this.
00:56:12If she's good.
00:56:13I'm not supposed to get upset.
00:56:15So don't upset me.
00:56:16If you want to drink yourself silly, go right ahead.
00:56:17I do.
00:56:18Leave me alone.
00:56:19I do.
00:56:20I do.
00:56:21I do.
00:56:22I do.
00:56:23I do.
00:56:24I do.
00:56:25I do.
00:56:26I do.
00:56:27I do.
00:56:28I do.
00:56:29I do.
00:56:30I do.
00:56:31I do.
00:56:32I do.
00:56:33I do.
00:56:34I do.
00:56:35I do.
00:56:36I do.
00:56:37I do.
00:56:38I do.
00:56:39I do.
00:56:40I do.
00:56:41I do.
00:56:42I do.
00:56:43I do.
00:56:44I do.
00:56:45Why don't you wear glasses?
00:56:47Don't be silly.
00:56:48For once, why don't you admit that you're not completely perfect?
00:56:53We're nasty today, huh?
00:56:55No, I'm just fed up with everything.
00:56:58Claire, what's getting to you all of a sudden?
00:57:01Now look, don't you start defending her.
00:57:04Home.
00:57:05Don't throw that instant act with me.
00:57:07You know darn well who.
00:57:09What did I say?
00:57:10I see.
00:57:11You don't have to say anything.
00:57:12I know what you're thinking.
00:57:13Just how many kids are you expecting?
00:57:16What do you mean by that?
00:57:17My mind happened to be an absolute blank, if you want to know.
00:57:20Look at all this junk.
00:57:22Your mind's always a blank when it comes to me.
00:57:25Maybe it's because I'm not collecting bottle warmers like little Mother McCree in there.
00:57:31And you ought to see that layout she's collected.
00:57:34If it isn't all cashmere, it's Yak's hair.
00:57:38That kid will be seven years old before it gets over the itch.
00:57:41Well, don't climb on me about it.
00:57:42I had nothing to do with her baby.
00:57:44Flares.
00:57:45Look at this.
00:57:46The kid's going to be smothered in all this fuzz.
00:57:49I don't know what's the matter with you.
00:57:51Give me that.
00:57:52Oh, I suppose King would never say anything like that, would he?
00:57:56Would he?
00:57:57I suppose Sandy would never be nasty, would she?
00:58:00Stop knocking my friend.
00:58:02I think I'll go out and get some fresh air.
00:58:05Bring some back.
00:58:06Ho, ho, ho.
00:58:09It's getting stuffy in here.
00:58:11I'm going out.
00:58:12I wish you'd just go away and leave me alone.
00:58:14If you're so miserable with me, why don't we just call it quits?
00:58:18Okay.
00:58:19If you want a divorce, you've got it.
00:58:26We were just talking about you.
00:58:28So were we.
00:58:41Read any good labels lately?
00:58:43If she only knew that nobody knows.
00:59:00Just me.
00:59:01Sandy's got to know, though.
00:59:03You can't build a marriage in a lie.
00:59:06Not a lie like that.
00:59:08Sooner or later, I've got to tell her.
00:59:11Do you want something?
00:59:30See you later.
00:59:31Darling, the time has come.
00:59:34Dinner will be ready for another 15 minutes.
00:59:37Sweetheart, forget dinner.
00:59:39I've come to talk to you about our child.
00:59:42Oh, isn't he the most precious little baby?
00:59:46Yeah, he's precious, all right.
00:59:48But what would you say if I told you that that child isn't mine?
00:59:52Well, of course he's yours, Jeff.
00:59:54It says I write a birth certificate.
00:59:56Forget the birth certificate.
00:59:58That child's real father is King.
01:00:01King.
01:00:02King.
01:00:03Oh.
01:00:04Banner.
01:00:05Banner.
01:00:06Oh, darling, you're just upset.
01:00:08Here, I've prepared for you a little drink.
01:00:11Oh, you don't believe me.
01:00:13Yes, I do believe you.
01:00:15I've always believed you.
01:00:17That's because you've never lied to me.
01:00:19You're too good.
01:00:20To us.
01:00:21To us.
01:00:22What did you put in that drink?
01:00:27Oh, just a pill, darling.
01:00:29You know all about pills and drinks.
01:00:32You couldn't.
01:00:33You didn't.
01:00:34You couldn't.
01:00:35Ah!
01:00:36Couldn't I?
01:00:38Poor little baby.
01:00:40As if we didn't know.
01:00:43You look awful.
01:00:44Thought we were going to have to slide you over the side at daybreak.
01:00:58They say it's the only way to go.
01:01:01Want a drink?
01:01:02No, thanks.
01:01:04You're mad at me, too.
01:01:06No, I'm not.
01:01:08I wonder where that ship's going.
01:01:12Down.
01:01:17Enough of this.
01:01:19I'll buy you a cup of black coffee.
01:01:22Claire, I want to talk to you.
01:01:25Sure, after a nice cup of black, strong coffee.
01:01:29What a revolting idea.
01:01:31More coffee, sir.
01:01:33No, no, thanks.
01:01:35Now, you were saying?
01:01:39Think back to the night I bumped my head.
01:01:42Do you remember anything unusual about it?
01:01:45Well, it was quite a bump.
01:01:46What about it?
01:01:47No, I'm talking about you and me.
01:01:49Do you remember what happened to us?
01:01:51Well, as I recall, we spent the night together.
01:01:54Right.
01:01:55And I was knocked out.
01:01:57But what did we do?
01:01:59Oh, I just told you, honey.
01:02:01We spent the night together.
01:02:02Oh, Claire.
01:02:03Come on, Claire.
01:02:04Uh, perhaps madam would like mince pie.
01:02:09Oh, I'd love it.
01:02:12But if I ate anything so rich, it'd probably kill me.
01:02:16She'll have her to mince pie.
01:02:18Oh, Antonio, you're so good to me.
01:02:22But the doctor said I shouldn't.
01:02:25I won't.
01:02:36Now do you remember?
01:02:37I remember falling asleep in here.
01:02:39But before you fell asleep.
01:02:41I remember giving you a pill.
01:02:44Right.
01:02:45Now, did you make love to me?
01:02:47Did I make love to you?
01:02:49I like the way you put that.
01:02:51Did you?
01:02:52You're out of your mind.
01:02:54Where?
01:02:55Really, listen.
01:02:56No, you are serious.
01:02:58It's like it's driving me crazy.
01:03:00At times, I almost remember it.
01:03:01Then, like now, it seems like a dream.
01:03:04Was I fascinating?
01:03:05Overwhelming.
01:03:07You're an idiot.
01:03:09In the first place, I'm not casual with my favors.
01:03:12And...
01:03:21And in the second place, the doctor was right there with us all night.
01:03:24What was he doing?
01:03:25Selling tickets?
01:03:26He wasn't there.
01:03:27He was too there.
01:03:28He was not there.
01:03:29And what about my wife and your husband?
01:03:31They were selling tickets.
01:03:32They were all dancing to something somewhere, weren't they?
01:03:44All night?
01:03:45Come to think of it, he never has mentioned that night to me.
01:03:50Not once.
01:03:51Claire, you ought to know everything.
01:03:53Are you putting me on?
01:03:55I hope to cut out my tongue after I tell you this or I'll never be able to repeat it.
01:04:00Okay.
01:04:23King?
01:04:24Sandy and King?
01:04:25Go ahead.
01:04:26Whatever you say, I deserve it.
01:04:27That's so funny.
01:04:28Oh!
01:04:29Oh, if you only knew.
01:04:30Look, Jeff, why is this so important to you?
01:04:44Why?
01:04:45You want your own baby, that's why.
01:04:47It's a fundamental instinct.
01:04:49Well, look, if you feed it and clothe it and love it, then it's yours.
01:04:54I found this out when I was seven years old.
01:04:57Seven?
01:04:58I had a dog.
01:05:00And this dog had puppies right under my bed.
01:05:03And when the puppies died, I went out and found a litter of kittens to console it.
01:05:07Well, she licked them and she fed them.
01:05:10And most important of all, she loved them.
01:05:14And believe me, they were hers.
01:05:16Well, if Sandy has a litter of kittens, I'll love them, too.
01:05:20But just in case she happens to have a baby, it'll be King's.
01:05:23The baby is yours.
01:05:25Oh, sure.
01:05:27There's not a doubt in the world.
01:05:31I'd give anything in the world to believe that.
01:05:33Well, I guess it's my turn to tell a story.
01:05:38I won't promise to cut out my tongue, but I would appreciate it if you'd keep the secret.
01:05:44Sure.
01:05:45No!
01:05:46King Banner?
01:05:47Yeah, I'll catch her right here, doesn't it?
01:05:48All these years and he never let on.
01:05:50Oh, he doesn't know.
01:05:51Can you imagine anyone telling King he's anything less than perfect?
01:05:54Oh, no.
01:05:55No.
01:05:56No.
01:05:57No.
01:05:58No.
01:05:59No.
01:06:00No.
01:06:01No.
01:06:02No.
01:06:03No.
01:06:04No.
01:06:05No.
01:06:06No.
01:06:07No.
01:06:08No.
01:06:09No.
01:06:10No.
01:06:11No.
01:06:12No.
01:06:13No.
01:06:14No.
01:06:15No.
01:06:16No.
01:06:17No.
01:06:18Do you realize what you're saying?
01:06:26No.
01:06:27No.
01:06:28No.
01:06:29No.
01:06:30No.
01:06:31No.
01:06:32No.
01:06:33No.
01:06:34No.
01:06:35No.
01:06:36No.
01:06:37Yes, no!
01:06:38No.
01:06:39Oh, excuse me, my wife's having a baby and I'm the father, I'm the father.
01:06:46Baby, baby.
01:06:48Julio, stand it with me.
01:06:53Whoa.
01:07:09Excuse me, Captain, this is my wife and the baby, I'm going to be the father of the baby.
01:07:23Excuse me.
01:07:26My wife's baby is going to look like me.
01:07:27My wife's baby, like me.
01:07:28Well, after risk, you have to take.
01:07:35Honey, I'm back.
01:07:40What happened to you?
01:07:42I just realized what a lucky guy I am.
01:07:44I've been behaving like an awful rat.
01:07:46Where have you been just now, to a revival meeting?
01:07:49Sweetheart, I just want to watch you knit.
01:07:54Sorry.
01:07:55The show just broke.
01:07:57Claire and I have hair appointments.
01:07:58Then I'll knit for you.
01:08:00Think I can't?
01:08:02Watch.
01:08:05You're nuts.
01:08:10All right.
01:08:11Behave yourself.
01:08:12Be a good boy.
01:08:13I'll be back in a couple of hours.
01:08:14Okay?
01:08:25There you are.
01:08:26We've got hair appointments.
01:08:28Oh, for goodness sakes, I almost forgot.
01:08:30And that I couldn't afford.
01:08:32Come in.
01:08:33Hi.
01:08:34Hi.
01:08:35You're sober.
01:08:36Just an affectation.
01:08:37Sit down, King.
01:08:38You look a little peaking.
01:08:39Never felt better in my life.
01:08:40That's right.
01:08:41You're right at the peak of your powers.
01:08:42Darn right.
01:08:43Right at the peak.
01:08:44You should have seen him running all over the ship, yelling he was a father.
01:08:47I thought he finally flipped.
01:08:48Oh, he just went on the wagon.
01:08:49Oh.
01:08:50Oh, strawberries and cream.
01:08:51I think I'll have some of those.
01:08:52Yes, ma'am.
01:08:53Oh, so strawberries and cream.
01:08:54No, with the strawberries.
01:08:55Oh, strawberries and cream and a watercress sandwich and a watercress sandwich.
01:08:58Oh, that sounds good.
01:09:11Oh, I'll have that.
01:09:12I'm counting calories.
01:09:14Well, that sounds good.
01:09:15I'll have that.
01:09:16Instead of strawberries?
01:09:18No, with the strawberries.
01:09:20Oh, strawberries and cream and a watercress sandwich.
01:09:23That's right.
01:09:24Mmm, the clam chowder looks yummy. I'll have that.
01:09:27I'll have that, too.
01:09:29Strawberries and cream and a watercress sandwich and clam chowder.
01:09:33That's right.
01:09:34The olives are nice.
01:09:35Of course.
01:09:37Oh, and would you bring me a side order of those little sour pickles?
01:09:42Sour pickles.
01:09:47I just all of a sudden crave something a little sour.
01:09:52There, honey.
01:09:54Is there any chance, would you be feeling upset? Dizzy or something?
01:10:00No, I feel fine. I'm just...
01:10:04Oh, look out below.
01:10:07Cooood.
01:10:20Cooood.
01:10:25Well, this business is picking up.
01:10:31Where's King?
01:10:37Probably in the gym, why?
01:10:38He hasn't heard.
01:10:39I want a girl, what do you want?
01:10:41I want a throw-up.
01:10:43Well, naturally, how'd you expect that?
01:10:45Why?
01:10:46Claire's gonna have a baby.
01:10:48It happened just like that.
01:10:49Isn't that wonderful?
01:10:50Wonderful, it's impossible.
01:10:52What in the world are you talking about?
01:10:54The doctor said you could have some bone lean for your nausea.
01:10:57I'll try anything.
01:10:58I'll go up to the pharmacy and get you some.
01:11:00Bring me back to you.
01:11:02Claire, I'm happy as anything about you and King.
01:11:05Look, dear heart, I gotta get back to the shop.
01:11:07Besides, this may be catching.
01:11:09Thanks, Babette.
01:11:10See you later.
01:11:11Okay.
01:11:12Claire, I behave like an ass.
01:11:15I deserve your story about King.
01:11:17That was no story.
01:11:19Please.
01:11:20That was no story.
01:11:21I didn't make it up, I swear.
01:11:23You didn't?
01:11:24I guess you didn't make up that story you told me either.
01:11:27Forget the story I told you.
01:11:28Couldn't have happened, couldn't have.
01:11:30You can't fight facts.
01:11:31There's always the postman's sister-in-law's daughter.
01:11:34That's right, there is.
01:11:35And it could be King's, couldn't it, Jeff?
01:11:37Could be.
01:11:38It's got to be.
01:11:39It is.
01:11:40If there's any doubts in your mind, just remember the dog and the litter of kitten.
01:11:44I remember.
01:11:44And, Jeff, I want you to be the first to know, King's been offered a six-picture deal in Europe, and we'll be gone for years.
01:11:54When did King decide that?
01:11:56Oh, don't be silly.
01:11:57He doesn't even know he's going to accept it yet.
01:12:00Here's Big Daddy.
01:12:01Claire, Claire, Sandy just told me.
01:12:05That's a mistake, isn't it?
01:12:07No, King.
01:12:08Do you mind?
01:12:09Mind?
01:12:10For your information, I've been told, not by a quack, but by two competent doctors that I could never be a father.
01:12:18Jeff.
01:12:19Oh, no.
01:12:20And now this.
01:12:22We'll discuss it later.
01:12:23We'll discuss it right now.
01:12:25My wife and my best friend.
01:12:27Sandy, wait in our cabin.
01:12:28I want to hear.
01:12:29Stay where you are, Sandy.
01:12:31King, I love you.
01:12:32Remember that.
01:12:33No matter what happens, I love you.
01:12:35Remember that, King.
01:12:36You two didn't fool me for a minute.
01:12:38Now, wait a minute.
01:12:39I wish somebody would tell me what's going on.
01:12:42My wife and my best friend laughing at you.
01:12:44I wasn't laughing.
01:12:45We didn't laugh at you.
01:12:45We'd never laugh at you.
01:12:46Go ahead.
01:12:46Laugh at me now.
01:12:47Laugh at my pills, my health food, my exercises.
01:12:50They worked, didn't they?
01:12:53Ho, ho.
01:12:55Oh, come on.
01:12:56Come here, you see.
01:12:58Oh, Jeff, darling.
01:13:00This has been so much fun.
01:13:01Let's do the same thing next year.
01:13:06And so, two childless couples are no longer childless.
01:13:10Two men who thought they would never be fathers now find their greatest hopes fulfilled.
01:13:15In conclusion, the path suggestion is a marvelous thing.
01:13:20It can work at the most unexpected times.
01:13:25Doctor?
01:13:28Hi.
01:13:29Can I come in?
01:13:33Doctor, I have a problem.
01:13:36Wait, just a minute.
01:13:37But to be continued.
01:13:42As you were saying.
01:13:43Oh, yes.
01:13:43As I was saying, I have a problem, Doctor.
01:13:46And it's this.
01:13:47You see, my husband and I have been on board the ship for six weeks now.
01:13:51And it's been six weeks of nothing but sick, sick, sick.
01:13:54He has been out of that cabin once.
01:13:57Well, maybe one best one thing in one hour.
01:13:59But to be continued.
01:14:12Music.
01:14:12Music.
01:14:14You