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Short filmTranscript
00:01Previously on Desperate Housewives...
00:03Exactly what is it you hired me to do?
00:05Someone sent that note to my wife, and I need to know who.
00:07Some secrets were discovered.
00:09After my mom died, I started remembering what happened to Dana.
00:12Who's Dana?
00:13What are you doing here?
00:14Some secrets were uncovered.
00:15It could be any one of these guys she's having an affair with.
00:17Don't worry about it.
00:18I'm not letting her out of my sight.
00:20And some secrets...
00:21Jordana Geist manages to get her work done.
00:23How do you cream it all in?
00:25We're shared.
00:26That's ADD medication.
00:30Competition.
00:35It means different things to different people.
00:39In suburbia, it means keeping up with the Joneses.
00:42On Wisteria Lane, that means keeping up with Bree Vandekamp.
00:47Everyone knew Bree had the nicest lawn in the neighborhood.
00:51And no one begrudged her this.
00:53No one, that is.
00:55Except Martha Huber.
00:57Whose own lawn paled in comparison.
01:02No matter how carefully she trimmed.
01:05Or how lovingly she watered.
01:08Or how generously she fertilized.
01:12The grass was always greener on the other side of the fence.
01:18It means a little ur Ärkay.
01:22Hello, Victor.
01:23How are you today?
01:24Out jogging again?
01:26Hey, not my trusty.
01:27Would you like a slurp from my hose?
01:37Victor?
01:39Victor!
01:40Don't worry. I'm going to get an ambulance.
01:46Then one day, Mrs. Hooper finally got the chance to mow down the competition.
02:05Help! Company help!
02:10What happened? He collapsed on your hydrangeas. Call 9-1-1.
02:31Yes, Mrs. Hooper understood the first rule of competition.
02:35In order to win, you have to want it more.
02:51¶¶
03:20When I was alive, my friends and I came together once a month for a meeting of the Wisteria Lane Book Club.
03:26We found the problems of literary characters so absorbing.
03:30The way they dealt with adversity, conducted illicit affairs, endured domestic dramas, and planned romantic conquests.
03:43But since my death, my friends had lost their interest in fiction.
03:49So, what did everybody think?
03:52Their own problems had become absorbing enough.
03:55I thought the character of Madame Bovary was very inspirational.
03:59Inspirational? She poisons herself with arsenic.
04:04Really? You didn't read until the end?
04:07I stopped after page 50.
04:09Am I the only one who read the book?
04:11I saw the movie. It was really good.
04:13Ladies, I'm sorry, but what is the point of having a book club if we don't read the book?
04:19More wine?
04:21Always.
04:22So, uh, Reba, Emma, and Lori, why don't you girls come to the kitchen and help me with the snacks?
04:27Sure.
04:30I will be right in.
04:34God, I couldn't wait to get rid of them.
04:36Okay.
04:37So, Lynette said that you found Zack.
04:39He's at a rehabilitation center, and Julie snuck in and actually talked to him.
04:43Did he say anything about his mother's suicide?
04:45There wasn't enough time, but he did say one thing that was kind of mysterious.
04:48He said something happened to someone named Dana, and that he could never, ever talk about it.
04:52Who the hell's Dana?
04:53That's the mystery part.
04:54I figured Dana has something to do with what Mary Alice was trying to hide.
04:58So, somebody found out Mary Alice's secret and sent the note.
05:02So, who the hell is that?
05:07Stationary is partial number 17, 100% cotton.
05:09It's made by Cypress Office Products.
05:12They have stores in 12 cities, including yours.
05:15Let me trace that postmark back to your local post office.
05:18Meaning?
05:20Meaning that the blackmail is probably someone you know.
05:23A neighbor, milkman, pool boy, soccer mom.
05:27Soccer mom?
05:28Soccer mom?
05:29Hmm.
05:30Mr. Young, sometimes evil drives a minivan.
05:35I had this gig once.
05:36Tracking down this PTA mom who was hellbent on landing her daughter a spot on a parade float.
05:42Fed antifreeze to half the homecoming committee.