What Is The Best Star Wars Character Name? (The Bracket, Vol. 172)

Barstool Sports

KenJac | The Bracket

Transcript

00:00:00How did Jack Porkins even qualify?

00:00:02How did he get him?

00:00:03He got a bid?

00:00:04Listen to how you just said his name is Jack Porkins.

00:00:08Say that again.

00:00:10Jack Porkins?

00:00:12Go on.

00:00:14Wait.

00:00:15Jack Porkins?

00:00:17It is funny.

00:00:19Okay, welcome to The Bracket, episode 172.

00:00:23Today we are debating, in honor of the upcoming May the 4th,

00:00:27we are going to be doing an episode of the best Star Wars character names.

00:00:33So we went through.

00:00:34Kit Fisto, I'm done.

00:00:35I'm going to go.

00:00:36I'm done.

00:00:37Be prepared.

00:00:38Be prepared.

00:00:39It's about to get a lot worse than that.

00:00:41So I went through all the most random Star Wars names there are,

00:00:44because it is a property where you get some of the most insane names you'll ever find.

00:00:47And I compiled them into a big list.

00:00:49We got Chain Games, the whole nine yards.

00:00:51Nick KB and Mook from Chicago, myself and Robbie Fox here.

00:00:54And as you can see, Darth Clem out in, I forget, somewhere upstate

00:00:59in his Die Hard poster in the background, live from up there.

00:01:02So we've got a good crew coming up.

00:01:04But before that, let's talk about Game Time.

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00:01:54What time is it?

00:01:55Game time.

00:01:56That's right.

00:01:56I like when people chime in.

00:01:58Okay, so our first match of the day, and KB, we're doing the best Star Wars character names

00:02:03in honor of May the 4th.

00:02:04And I'm happy you're here because, from what I understand,

00:02:06you're mostly ignorant of all Star Wars things, right?

00:02:09I don't know anything.

00:02:10Me too.

00:02:11I know some characters, like Kylo Ren, and Boba Fett, and Jabba, and the main ones.

00:02:18What's that one?

00:02:19Those are, yeah.

00:02:20Listen, a lot of people dedicate their lives to this franchise.

00:02:26Don't offend them.

00:02:28With what?

00:02:29With your words.

00:02:30With your hateful words.

00:02:31Your silver tongue.

00:02:33Don't offend.

00:02:34Aren't they the most toxic fan base in the world?

00:02:37Yeah.

00:02:37Pretty accurate.

00:02:37Yeah, unfortunately.

00:02:39Pretty accurate.

00:02:39I'm actually glad you brought up Jabba the Hutt,

00:02:45because one of the characters in our first match of the 12th seed versus the 5th seed

00:02:48is Mama the Hutt.

00:02:50And I'll send you guys pictures.

00:02:51That's a character?

00:02:52I'll send you guys pictures of the characters in Text Chain.

00:02:55So first up is Mama the Hutt, which is, I think, actually the grandma of Jabba the Hutt,

00:02:59if I remember.

00:03:00Oh, my word.

00:03:01Yeah, she's a BBL, or a BBW, right?

00:03:05BBW.

00:03:07BBH.

00:03:07Yeah, a BB Hutt.

00:03:09Big, big, big, beautiful Hutt.

00:03:10Luke.

00:03:12Tell you what, if she was given on Xboxes, I know who would be going right to this league.

00:03:18Mama the Hutt is going up against Luke.

00:03:20Yeah.

00:03:21And Luke, for those...

00:03:22Wait a minute, what's this?

00:03:23Luke?

00:03:25Luke is not what you might think, which is Luke's...

00:03:27Wait, what is this competition?

00:03:28This is the best Star Wars character it is.

00:03:30Okay, all right.

00:03:32So Luke is not Luke Skywalker, but a genetic clone of Luke Skywalker grown from cells extracted

00:03:38from the hand he lost in Cloud City.

00:03:41But they added just another U.

00:03:43And this is honestly, like, Luke is maybe the biggest part of the extended universe.

00:03:49Before Disney bought Star Wars, people, like, really respected the story that has Luke in it.

00:03:55No, no.

00:03:57Yeah.

00:03:58So our first matchup of the day, big-ass, beautiful Mama the Hutt versus Luke.

00:04:04Let's start with you, Robbie.

00:04:06Fuck Luke.

00:04:07That's a horrible one.

00:04:08I love Mama the Hutt, though.

00:04:09Mama the Hutt just...

00:04:11It feels like it works.

00:04:12It feels like it works almost as much as, like, Pete's the Hutt in Spaceballs.

00:04:16Like, Mama the Hutt, that just fits.

00:04:18One vote for Mama the Hutt, Clem.

00:04:20I was kind of falling in love with Luke, but now Robbie has kind of, like, put me on my...

00:04:27Like, what...

00:04:28Like, if, say, they're, like, they go hire a bounty hunter, like, we need you to kill Luke.

00:04:33Could it get lost in translation of which Luke you were trying to kill, right?

00:04:36Oh, yeah.

00:04:36If you didn't emphasize the Luke enough?

00:04:38Yeah.

00:04:39Like, it's Mook.

00:04:39Is there another Mook?

00:04:41Is there a Mook?

00:04:42Wow.

00:04:43God forbid.

00:04:44My third old Mook.

00:04:45It's that fucking streamer guy.

00:04:48What's his name?

00:04:49Skump?

00:04:50Skump.

00:04:51Yeah, Skump.

00:04:52He's Mook.

00:04:52Also, no disrespect, shout out to Murda Mook, the battle rapper.

00:04:56Mmm.

00:04:57You have a striking similarity?

00:05:00We fish in the same ponds.

00:05:02Is Mook a K-pop girl?

00:05:04Mook is a White Lotus character name.

00:05:06Yes.

00:05:06Lisa.

00:05:07Played by a K-pop girl.

00:05:08Played by a K-pop star.

00:05:09Yeah, named Lisa.

00:05:11She ruined all of my search engine.

00:05:14Oh, yeah.

00:05:14You're SEO.

00:05:15Oh, no.

00:05:16You've got to rate it around.

00:05:17I don't exist anymore.

00:05:18It's just an Asian woman.

00:05:20Dude, if she posts a video, like, sitting on a bar stool, you're fucked.

00:05:23Oh, my God.

00:05:25I might have to go with 3-0 Mook.

00:05:27Even then, I think you might be screwed.

00:05:29Yeah, I think so.

00:05:30So, we are two votes now for Mama the Hut.

00:05:33Nick?

00:05:34This is best name, right?

00:05:35Best name.

00:05:36You've got to go with W.

00:05:39This is Luke.

00:05:40Again, they could have called, if it was a clone Luke, they could have gone toke.

00:05:44Like, number two.

00:05:46Or Luke with...

00:05:47There's a lot.

00:05:48They could have double L'd like Llama, but they W'd, like, continue.

00:05:51What if they did a W?

00:05:53The wick.

00:05:54Yeah, a W-U.

00:05:55Like, the letter W.

00:05:56Oh, no.

00:05:56That's so funny, because, like, Star Wars, you can get away with the craziest fucking

00:06:03names, and adding another U is really funny.

00:06:07What's another W?

00:06:09Vacuum.

00:06:10Vacuum, yeah.

00:06:10Continuum.

00:06:11I hate two users.

00:06:12I think it's great.

00:06:13It's fun.

00:06:14And, like, imagine writing that all lowercase cursive.

00:06:17That is loopy as fuck.

00:06:19That's fun.

00:06:20I'm going Luke W.

00:06:22One vote for Luke W.

00:06:24KB?

00:06:25I hate Luke W.

00:06:26What?

00:06:27I think it's, like, the worst name ever.

00:06:29And Mom in the Hut is good.

00:06:31You know?

00:06:32That's not a good name.

00:06:33It's a fun mouthful.

00:06:34It's a great name.

00:06:35These are both pretty lazy names.

00:06:36Yes.

00:06:37It's lazy, but it's better than Luke with two U's.

00:06:41That's the real thing.

00:06:43It's so bad.

00:06:44The next large woman I see, I might think in my mind, Mom in the Hut.

00:06:48Yeah.

00:06:49Luke?

00:06:50Yeah.

00:06:50Are we going based off just the name or physical traits?

00:06:53Because Mom in the Hut is doing something for me.

00:06:54Oh, you would destroy her.

00:06:56She is.

00:06:57I've unironically had Mom in the Hut in my apartment before.

00:07:01What?

00:07:03Dude, you can only live in apartments that have that accessibility chair that goes,

00:07:06Yeah, the name Luke is dumb as hell.

00:07:12I think.

00:07:13Okay.

00:07:13Thank you all.

00:07:14The one you.

00:07:15Name him Lukey.

00:07:17Like our Luke.

00:07:18No, no.

00:07:19Luke two U's.

00:07:20Or Luke.

00:07:21Luke him.

00:07:22Or don't do two U's.

00:07:24Two U's is the most un.

00:07:26At least Mom of the Hut is, like, I don't know, plays off Jabba the Hut.

00:07:31Luke is just fucking adding a U.

00:07:34At least she's related.

00:07:35I'm on Luke's side.

00:07:36Yeah, get me fucking Tarani.

00:07:37I'm double U.

00:07:38Oh, no.

00:07:39This is so awesome.

00:07:41I'm reading about his conquests.

00:07:43He is incredible.

00:07:45What does Mom of the Hut have on her belly?

00:07:47Is this like a cat?

00:07:48Wait, wait.

00:07:48He says Luke fought Luke?

00:07:51Oh, yeah.

00:07:51Oh, big time.

00:07:52Who won?

00:07:53Luke.

00:07:54What?

00:07:54He's the dumbest shit ever.

00:07:58He's a conquistador with that name?

00:08:01Dude.

00:08:02What do you mean?

00:08:03You said he has conquests.

00:08:05Oh, yeah.

00:08:06He kills.

00:08:06He has missions.

00:08:08Yeah.

00:08:08That's a horrible name.

00:08:09So Mom of the Hut is based off of, and I don't know if you guys have seen the movie Blade,

00:08:12but the very large obese vampire is what they based Mom of the Hut after, that Blade runs

00:08:18into.

00:08:19Really?

00:08:19Yeah.

00:08:19And if you look at them, it's a striking similarity.

00:08:22But either way, that means that with that vote swap, Luke's going to move on.

00:08:26What the fuck?

00:08:27It's just climbing Nick.

00:08:29Where's Hut Pussy located?

00:08:31Is it on the bottom dragging the ground, or is it front?

00:08:33I think it all comes in through the mouth.

00:08:35Everything is.

00:08:36Where's Hut Pussy?

00:08:37Everything leaves a trail, so I would assume it's at the bottom.

00:08:39Yeah, right?

00:08:40That's what it's like.

00:08:44Like a starfish.

00:08:45Yeah.

00:08:45Mom of the Hut's snail trail.

00:08:47Yeah.

00:08:47Does she leave a trail?

00:08:49I think so.

00:08:50Yeah, they definitely do.

00:08:51Does she have a speaking role?

00:08:52Oh, yeah.

00:08:53Dude, she's like a Cajun woman.

00:08:55Really?

00:08:56Yeah, she is.

00:08:57I'm back on Mom of the Hut's side.

00:09:00She has a Cajun twang.

00:09:02And so does her, what's her son, the cool gangster?

00:09:06Come on.

00:09:06Is he Zero the Hutt?

00:09:07Zero the Hutt.

00:09:08Zero the Hutt's sick as hell.

00:09:09So there's Hutt Jedi's, aren't there?

00:09:10Oh, I need to get my petunials.

00:09:12Oh, so it's like Medea goes to Naboo.

00:09:15Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:09:17With that vote swap, Mom of the Hutt is going to move on.

00:09:20He's broke my heart, Clem.

00:09:22So now we have the four seed versus the 13 seed.

00:09:25The four seed, one of my all-time favorites, Droopy McCool.

00:09:28Oh, yeah.

00:09:29The commonly known stage name of Snit, by the way.

00:09:32So he has two cool names, technically.

00:09:35And is this guy smoking hookah or is that an instrument?

00:09:37It's an instrument.

00:09:38He plays the lead horn on a band, which we're going to mention later.

00:09:41So don't worry about that.

00:09:42Is he a jizz musician?

00:09:43Oh, he sure is a jizz musician.

00:09:44Okay.

00:09:45Yeah.

00:09:46So Droopy McCool is going up against Therm Scissor Punch.

00:09:49Oh, my God.

00:09:51A more recent one.

00:09:52I love that.

00:09:54Therm Scissor Punch.

00:09:56Male nephrine from the planet Nepetus.

00:09:58Wow.

00:09:59Never put that together.

00:10:01Who lives in the galaxy.

00:10:03He's more than three centuries old.

00:10:04He has crab hands.

00:10:06He was first revealed in a Denny's commercial for Star Wars.

00:10:10That's a crazy fun fact for him.

00:10:12He was first identified in a Denny's exclusive Topps trading card.

00:10:15There you go.

00:10:16Mook, I think you might have just found your favorite character.

00:10:18My next pickup.

00:10:19So Droopy McCool versus Therm Scissor Punch.

00:10:23Mook.

00:10:25I mean, no disrespect to Droopy, but Therm Scissor Punch is one of the coolest two words I've ever heard.

00:10:32Three words.

00:10:33Is Therm a word?

00:10:34Therm is his first name.

00:10:35Last name Scissor Punch.

00:10:36Flash is the root heat.

00:10:38Okay.

00:10:38So hot Scissor Punch.

00:10:40I think that's significantly cooler than Droopy McCool.

00:10:42I do like the visual of Droopy McCool.

00:10:45He looks like a penis smoking a hookah.

00:10:47He does.

00:10:48Yeah.

00:10:48I'm not into that, but I'm going to go with Therm Scissor Punch here.

00:10:52One vote for Therm Scissor Punch, KB.

00:10:54I love Therm Scissor Punch.

00:10:55So that's what I'm going to go with.

00:10:56I don't like Droopy McCool.

00:10:58What's wrong with Droopy?

00:10:59Droopy McCool.

00:11:01It's a bad name.

00:11:02It's like a virgin gamer tag.

00:11:04I don't like that.

00:11:06Yeah, it is.

00:11:07McCool.

00:11:07Yeah, it really is.

00:11:09Yeah.

00:11:09So another one for Therm Scissor Punch.

00:11:12Nick?

00:11:13Yeah.

00:11:13Therm Scissor Punch is a cool guy.

00:11:15He plays Sabak.

00:11:17At Fort Ipso.

00:11:19Come on.

00:11:19So sorry.

00:11:20So sorry.

00:11:23Therm Scissor Punch is the coolest fucking guy.

00:11:26He's a braggart.

00:11:28He's just going to be spoke of many fearsome acts he had undertaken.

00:11:33He's got claws for hands.

00:11:34He's like Dr.

00:11:34Zoidberg.

00:11:35Yes.

00:11:36Therm Scissor Punch is fucking awesome.

00:11:39Go on him.

00:11:40Three votes for Therm Scissor Punch.

00:11:42Bob?

00:11:42Um, I, I really love Droopy McCool, but he kind of comes off as like maybe a fifties,

00:11:49a cool car in the fifties.

00:11:51Therm Scissor Punch is a modern Lamborghini.

00:11:53Give me Therm.

00:11:55Therm Scissor Punch is what Taser Face thought he was in Guardians 2.

00:11:59Oh, I forgot about that.

00:12:01Take that.

00:12:02Couldn't agree more.

00:12:03Therm Scissor Punch.

00:12:04Going to move on.

00:12:05Now we have the 8th seed versus the 9th seed.

00:12:08The, the 8th seed is, or sorry, the 9th seed is Fingren Dan.

00:12:14Oh, come on.

00:12:16No, that's a character in Star Wars.

00:12:18Fingren Dan is going up against Dexter Jetson.

00:12:21It's Fingren.

00:12:22Fingren Dan?

00:12:24D, A, N.

00:12:27Wait, I'm calling.

00:12:28That's, is that the one you made up?

00:12:30No, though, I forgot to mention, actually, there is one character I made up in here.

00:12:33Oh.

00:12:33I forgot to, but there is, yeah, there is one, there is one, but he is not, I forgot

00:12:38to even mention that off the top of the call.

00:12:39Fingren Dan is, KB, you don't think he made him up.

00:12:43I mean, he's KB.

00:12:44Fingren Dan?

00:12:46Fingren Dan up against Dexter Jetster.

00:12:48Is he also a jizz musician?

00:12:50Yeah, it looks like he plays the jizz.

00:12:52Oh, I think.

00:12:52Part of the jizz whalers.

00:12:53No, he's not part of the jizz whalers.

00:12:54He's not?

00:12:55No, he's part of the cantina band.

00:12:56Oh, but jizz is just the genre, right?

00:12:59Uh, yes.

00:13:00But the jizz whaler is also a band.

00:13:01This is a dude in Star Wars.

00:13:03Is Star Wars like a spoof on something?

00:13:07Kind of a spoof on Dune if you look at it in the right way.

00:13:09What is this shit?

00:13:11So, Fiery Fingren Dan was a, that's his nickname, Fiery.

00:13:14Fiery Fingren Dan was a male biff musician who played the clue horn as the front man for

00:13:18the Fingren Dan and the Model Nodes.

00:13:21Oh.

00:13:21Of course, Fingren Dan and the Model Nodes, yeah.

00:13:23Yeah, so, uh, Fingren Dan up against Dexter Jetster, who you may remember as a, he is

00:13:28a basilisk prospector and diner owner with a colorful background, a very prominent role

00:13:35in Star Wars Attack of the Clothes.

00:13:36Oh.

00:13:37So, Dexter Jetster, our favorite prospector versus Fingren Dan.

00:13:40Uh, let's start with you, Clem.

00:13:42Well, Dexter Jetster was in, as Nicky Smoke said, maybe the greatest Star Wars movie of

00:13:46all time.

00:13:47Yeah.

00:13:48Uh, I mean, it's, am I going to get in trouble for voting Fingren Dan?

00:13:52Can I get in trouble?

00:13:52Because I kind of want to vote for Fingren Dan.

00:13:54He does jizz music.

00:13:56This is just the weirdest side of Star Wars.

00:13:58Yeah, let's go Fingren Dan.

00:13:59One vote for Fingren Dan.

00:14:01Um.

00:14:04Sounds like, like a, like a, like a pervert nickname, right?

00:14:07Yeah, that's what we call our security group.

00:14:09You know what I mean?

00:14:09He looks like he's prepping the finger, too.

00:14:12I don't know, like, I'd imagine what that means.

00:14:15You don't even know what those fingers do.

00:14:17Bob?

00:14:18Uh, Fingren Dan, for sure.

00:14:19Dexter Jetster is, I don't hate the character as much as most people do.

00:14:23I didn't realize he had a mustache for a long time, and that kind of made me like him more

00:14:26when I realized that mustache was hiding in there.

00:14:28Oh, shit, he does!

00:14:29Yeah, I don't like that aliens have, I don't like that he has a mustache.

00:14:32So I'm going Fingren Dan.

00:14:34He's just a more fun one for this.

00:14:36Yeah, two votes for Fingren Dan.

00:14:38Nick?

00:14:39Yeah, uh, this is, this is a runaway.

00:14:41This shouldn't even be close.

00:14:42He's, like, it looks like he's just, like, playing, like, a curling iron dildo hybrid.

00:14:49It's so sick.

00:14:51Um, I, like, oh, it's so gross.

00:14:54I don't like looking at him, but his name is perfect.

00:14:58Bob, Bob, who's the Fingren Dan of the pop punk?

00:15:00Oh, me.

00:15:01I hate to say it, it's Bob.

00:15:08Uh, KB?

00:15:10Yeah, I don't like Dexter Jester as a name.

00:15:13No, Jetster.

00:15:13Jetster.

00:15:14Not Jetster.

00:15:15You're acting like you're listening to the boys off.

00:15:16Elementary Nick.

00:15:18I love, uh, Fingren Dan.

00:15:21He's a Biff.

00:15:23Oh, he gambles.

00:15:25Mm-hmm.

00:15:25Yeah, I'm gonna go Fingren Dan.

00:15:27Uh, if it makes you feel any better, or changes the decision at all, Dexter Jetster owns an

00:15:31inexplicably 50s-themed diner in space on a fictional planet.

00:15:38It is, like, a New York diner.

00:15:40Yeah, I feel better.

00:15:42Oh, he has a brother, Barkeen Dan.

00:15:45Oh, I didn't know that.

00:15:47Is it Dan or Dion?

00:15:50Hmm.

00:15:50It's a Fingren Dion.

00:15:52I mean, the apostrophe has to do something.

00:15:54Him and his brother split off early, too.

00:15:56Solo careers.

00:15:57It's like Oasis, basically.

00:15:58Yeah.

00:15:59They're the Oasis of the Star Wars universe.

00:16:01Ironic they live on Tatooine, and they naturally...

00:16:03Yeah, the Dan brothers, just, yeah.

00:16:05Yeah.

00:16:06Uh, Mook?

00:16:06Yeah, I'm not a Star Wars guy.

00:16:09Sorry about that.

00:16:09But Finger and Dan might single-handedly get me to watch him.

00:16:14He looks like a problem.

00:16:16He plays...

00:16:16The cantina music's iconic.

00:16:18Like, that's, like, some of the most iconic music in Star Wars.

00:16:20If Finger and Dan's playing it, I'm listening.

00:16:26Um, Dexter Jetster...

00:16:28Finger and Dan, Tiny Desk Concert.

00:16:30Oh, that would go hard.

00:16:32I need the Photoshop now.

00:16:33Yes.

00:16:34That would go hard.

00:16:35Dexter Jetster, they fucked up.

00:16:37They should have made him Greek.

00:16:38I think he feels.

00:16:39Diner should have been, like, Dexter Jetsopolis or some shit.

00:16:44That would be good.

00:16:44It makes no sense, but Finger and Dan by a landslide.

00:16:48Finger and Dan by a landslide.

00:16:50Finger and Dan is going to move on.

00:16:51Now we can do our...

00:16:52Finger and Dan by a fist, if you like.

00:16:54And it's still good live, to be honest.

00:16:56The whole band's not together anymore, but Mayer plays with them.

00:16:59It's Finger and Dan and Co.

00:17:00Oh, yeah.

00:17:01That's right.

00:17:03So now we're going to do our chain game.

00:17:04We have a whole bunch of options to choose from.

00:17:07First up being Bib Fortuna, who's just...

00:17:09I love Bib Fortuna.

00:17:11I just...

00:17:12Bib?

00:17:12I hate looking at him.

00:17:13His face always fucking...

00:17:15His neck goiter, oh, I do not like.

00:17:18Yeah.

00:17:18I'm settling.

00:17:19Master Bates, who is a real...

00:17:21It's a very real character.

00:17:22Not a joke.

00:17:22Not a...

00:17:23I swear.

00:17:24I don't mean...

00:17:25I don't mean to...

00:17:26I don't mean to throw my head.

00:17:27He's a...

00:17:28He's a soon Bates...

00:17:29His name is...

00:17:30No, I already...

00:17:32I see the one you fucked.

00:17:33Yeah.

00:17:34Which one?

00:17:34It's coming.

00:17:35The waning era...

00:17:36The waning era of the Galactic Republic.

00:17:39Then there's Chief Palpatine.

00:17:40Dud Bolt, who I believe is a favorite of Nyx.

00:17:42I love Dud Bolt.

00:17:44Love Dud Bolt.

00:17:46What's the next one?

00:17:47The next one is Gulp Shido, who is a Admiral in the Imperial Navy.

00:17:51Glurp Shido?

00:17:53Glurp Shido.

00:17:54And next to Worm Loathsome, who's a general in the CIS.

00:17:58And Cookie Tugs, who I think is the chef at...

00:18:01Okay.

00:18:02I'm calling bullshit on Glurp Shido.

00:18:04Oh, and actually I did.

00:18:05I doubled up on Dud Bolt.

00:18:06My bad.

00:18:08Wait, so you don't believe Gulp Shido is...

00:18:11Glurp Shido?

00:18:12Glurp Shido?

00:18:14That's something that you made that up.

00:18:16So, Clem and Robbie, you want to tell them?

00:18:18Yeah, that one's the made up.

00:18:20I'm all for Glurp Shido.

00:18:24I actually...

00:18:25I don't actually know that character's name.

00:18:26It's like...

00:18:26He's the guy who chokes out, right?

00:18:28Like Vader chokes out?

00:18:29Yeah.

00:18:29One of the many.

00:18:30So, Bibb Fortuna, Master Bates, Sheev Palpatine, Dud Bolt, Worm Loathsome, or Cookie Tugs.

00:18:39Start with you, Mook.

00:18:41I mean, the child in me loves, like the high schooler loves Cookie Tugs, but I think Dud Bolt is like a sick name.

00:18:48Yeah.

00:18:48I think Dud Bolt rules.

00:18:50What does he do?

00:18:50What's his deal?

00:18:51Is he an alligator?

00:18:52He's a pod racer.

00:18:52Pod racer.

00:18:53Pod racer.

00:18:54Fuck you.

00:18:54Sign me up for Dud Bolt.

00:18:55He's a Volpertine male from the planet Volter who worked as a pod racer pilot and hitman.

00:19:01So, he was a crocodile hitman.

00:19:02Fuck yeah.

00:19:03Creature.

00:19:04Worm Loathsome was, again, a general in the CIS.

00:19:07Tugs was, yes, a chef at whatever.

00:19:10And Babu Frick, or not Babu Frick, Bibb Fortuna was the, what do we call him?

00:19:16Like Major Domo for...

00:19:17Yep.

00:19:18Yeah, Major Domo.

00:19:19For Jabba the Hutt.

00:19:20And Master Bates, again, general in the Republic.

00:19:24So, you're going to go with, what was it, Dud Bolt?

00:19:28Dud Bolt.

00:19:30I like Bibb Fortuna.

00:19:34Let me see.

00:19:38Master Bates kind of looks like Stuart Scott.

00:19:39I like the name Bibb Fortuna.

00:19:41You like Bibb Fortuna?

00:19:43So, one-to-one right now, Nick?

00:19:45Bibb Fortuna?

00:19:46Yeah.

00:19:47That's not a messy eater, right?

00:19:49Not as well.

00:19:51Need that for like a cat.

00:19:52Yeah.

00:19:54Diving in the Poke Bowl, dude.

00:19:56Yeah.

00:19:57I'm got any pod racer I'm biased towards.

00:19:59I love pod racers.

00:20:00And this is the great Dud Bolt.

00:20:02He's a fan favorite.

00:20:03Got a standing over it when he was announced at the Boon to Eve Classic.

00:20:08I'm a big Dud Bolt guy from the same planet as Sebulba.

00:20:14Dud Bolt.

00:20:15Robbie?

00:20:15I'm going to go Bibb Fortuna as well.

00:20:18Really good name.

00:20:19Sheev Palpatine is a good one.

00:20:21Like, Sheev, when you find out the Emperor, like the all-powerful evil Emperor, when you

00:20:26find out his real name is Sheev, that was a really funny moment in my life.

00:20:30But Bibb Fortuna, I feel like, is the perfect fastball down the middle Star Wars name.

00:20:35Yep.

00:20:36That's a great way of putting it.

00:20:37Yep.

00:20:37So that means we're tied up.

00:20:39Two votes for Bibb, two votes for Dud Bolt.

00:20:41Clem, you're going to break it.

00:20:43So, first blush, masturbates, for obvious reasons.

00:20:47But he looks like a dude that if you met him, you'd be like, this guy, all he does is like

00:20:51masturbate, right?

00:20:51He looks like a masturbator.

00:20:52Fair enough.

00:20:52Like a chronic masturbator.

00:20:55Flammy hands, the whole nine.

00:20:58I think Sheev Palpatine, that's like, you had a teacher, you found out their first name

00:21:02was Sheev, and it kind of fucked up your brain.

00:21:04Yep.

00:21:05Bibb Fortuna.

00:21:06Bob said it, it's right down the middle.

00:21:08It's 96, right down the fucking plate.

00:21:10It's what Star Wars was built on when named Bibb Fortuna.

00:21:13Bibb Fortuna is so good.

00:21:14And great character.

00:21:15Yeah.

00:21:16And he is so off-putting to look at.

00:21:18Yeah.

00:21:18He's kind of perfect.

00:21:19And then he balloons up to like a million pounds.

00:21:22Yeah.

00:21:22So they brought Bibb Fortuna back, like, I don't know, a couple years ago in The Mandalorian.

00:21:27And it's like, oh, it's been 30 years.

00:21:28What does he look like now?

00:21:29Just fat.

00:21:30Yeah.

00:21:30It just made him so fat.

00:21:31You made him gain like 300.

00:21:32I want to see how fat Bibb Fortuna is.

00:21:35Yeah.

00:21:35Real fat.

00:21:35Like Mama the Hutt level.

00:21:37Yeah.

00:21:37Maybe not Mama the Hutt.

00:21:38He was like basically trying to become fat.

00:21:39Oh my God.

00:21:41He's so fat.

00:21:42His tentacles got fat.

00:21:43Yep.

00:21:44Dude, the head tentacles got really fat.

00:21:46No, he's a big snake.

00:21:47He did all Jabba's snacks.

00:21:48Yeah.

00:21:48I don't want to eat all Jabba's food and shit, right?

00:21:51Exactly.

00:21:52Wait, wait.

00:21:52When these characters make an appearance in the movies, is it like part of a plot point

00:21:57that's meant to be taken seriously?

00:21:59Yes.

00:21:59Because to be fair, most of the characters in the Star Wars universe where we know their

00:22:04names, they're not mentioned in the movie at all.

00:22:06You never learn their name in the movie.

00:22:08Okay.

00:22:08And then like almost anybody ever that's ever been in Star Wars has a name and lore and

00:22:13canon.

00:22:13But you have to read about it like on Wookieepedia.

00:22:16Wookieepedia or like visual dictionaries.

00:22:18That's more fair, I guess.

00:22:19Yeah.

00:22:20So Bib Fortuna, that means it's going to get out of the chain game and go up against number

00:22:23one seed.

00:22:24And it's a little bit of a combo, so maybe it's not fair, but it's specifically because

00:22:28of the full grouping.

00:22:29And it's Max Rebo and the Jizz Wailers.

00:22:30Oh, yeah.

00:22:31That's the real, that's not a bullshit thing for those of you not into Star Wars.

00:22:35Max Rebo is the band, is the leader of the band.

00:22:37He's a blue elephant man.

00:22:39And he plays, I guess, like a keyboard, right?

00:22:41It's like a keyboard, drum, xylophone mix.

00:22:45And his band is called the Jizz Wailers because in Star Wars, this is way before we used Jizz

00:22:50as the term we use it now, Jizz is what they used instead of jazz.

00:22:54So they played jazz music, but it was called Jizz.

00:22:56So it's Max Rebo and the Jizz Wailers.

00:23:00So let's start with you, Clem.

00:23:01Max Rebo and the Jizz Wailers versus Bib Fortuna.

00:23:05I don't want to choose Max Rebo just because he has been in two massive casual events.

00:23:12Casualty events.

00:23:12And I'm starting to think he's like a fucking narc or he's like behind it all.

00:23:16I've had this whole conspiracy theory about it.

00:23:18It's been published on websites and confirmed, unconfirmed, but confirmed.

00:23:24So it's Bib Fortuna versus Max Rebo.

00:23:26Yeah.

00:23:26And the Jizz Wailers.

00:23:27You get the Jizz Wailers.

00:23:28Okay.

00:23:29So Jizz Wailers done.

00:23:31That's an unbelievable matchup.

00:23:33Unbelievable matchup.

00:23:34One vote for Max Rebo and the Jizz Wailers.

00:23:36Robbie.

00:23:36Unlike Clem's dirty propaganda about Max Rebo being an angel of death.

00:23:42I love Max Rebo and Max Rebo.

00:23:44How do you love Max Rebo?

00:23:45I love Max Rebo.

00:23:46Are you talking about this blue painted elephant creation?

00:23:50I've got a shirt that looks like Max Rebo and the Jizz Wailers, but there's the Blues Brothers.

00:23:55That's how much I love Max Rebo.

00:23:57It looks like an animatronic sidekick.

00:23:58What has he done for you?

00:24:01Bro, he's one of the Jizz Wailers.

00:24:03He's the Jizz Wailer.

00:24:04Sounds like it.

00:24:05Yeah.

00:24:07His music has meant so much to me growing up.

00:24:11You know, it's fucking Beatles, Jizz Wailers.

00:24:15So yeah, Max Rebo and the Jizz Wailers.

00:24:17I love how KB has just accepted that Jizz is the name of the music in space.

00:24:22He's never really pulled out a threat.

00:24:23I have not accepted that by any means.

00:24:26We'll get to that.

00:24:28So we're two for Max Rebo.

00:24:32Nick.

00:24:33Is this puppet for Max Rebo is dog shit?

00:24:36Is it not?

00:24:37It's so bad.

00:24:38Dude, it looks like the Velveteen Rabbit after it got scorched.

00:24:42The eyes are on like opposite sides, like levels.

00:24:45The ends of the fingers are haunting me.

00:24:47He's playing direct TV remotes.

00:24:54Bob, you're a fan of like pop punk music.

00:24:57Like all lead singers have names, like funny names.

00:25:01Like Burt McCracken is a much better Star Wars name than Max Rebo.

00:25:05Yeah.

00:25:06Yeah.

00:25:07I'm going Bib Fortuna.

00:25:08That's like it's an item and then it's use.

00:25:12It's a Bib Fortuna.

00:25:14So we are two to one for Max Rebo over Bib Fortuna.

00:25:18KB.

00:25:20I'm trying to go off which is a better name for the Star Wars universe based on what I know.

00:25:24And I think that's Bib Fortuna.

00:25:26I like the name Max Rebo, but it sounds more like a soapbox derby star.

00:25:32The youth boy.

00:25:34Jizz.

00:25:34I don't like lewd for the sake of being lewd, but you're saying they crafted the term jizz before it became slang or ejaculate.

00:25:43That's funny.

00:25:44Yeah.

00:25:44But they also, it's just like there's a bunch of people that could just say the word and it's not jizz anymore.

00:25:49They've kept it.

00:25:50They've just kept.

00:25:51Okay.

00:25:52Um, I'm going to go Bib Fortuna.

00:25:55It's like, why should we change?

00:25:56You know?

00:25:57Yeah, we were first.

00:25:58Yeah.

00:25:59Uh, Mook, you're going to break the tie.

00:26:02Yeah.

00:26:02The Max Rebo character kind of freaks.

00:26:04He looks like if you went and like explored and abandoned like Chuck E. Cheese, like he's still there.

00:26:13Um, and there's like a lot of like water damage to him and general like rust and wear and tear.

00:26:19He's drowned many a time.

00:26:20Yeah, he looks like a bloated corpse.

00:26:22He does.

00:26:23I mean, not saying Bib Fortuna looks any better.

00:26:26I mean, he's.

00:26:26No.

00:26:27He's, he's got a lot going on.

00:26:29Uh, but again, I'm kind of in the camp with KB here.

00:26:31We're like, I don't know anything about the Star Wars world.

00:26:35And I think Bib Fortuna, like you, you say that.

00:26:38And I'm like, that's a, that's a character.

00:26:40Max Rebo is just like some fucking schmuck that plays in like, you know, uh, American Vandal.

00:26:46Max Rebo looks dumb as shit.

00:26:48What was he actually in the movie?

00:26:50Yeah.

00:26:51Oh yeah, dude.

00:26:52So he got to like chill with Natalie Portman on set.

00:26:54I think he fucked her.

00:26:56He's like, like seven years.

00:26:59That video where Danny Conrad was telling people he could eat their Facebook friends.

00:27:04Max Rebo could have been one of the names.

00:27:05That's a perfect Facebook friend name.

00:27:08Yes.

00:27:09Sorry.

00:27:09So Mook, you're going with Bib Fortuna?

00:27:11Yeah.

00:27:12I mean, Bib, the 16th seed is going to be the one seed.

00:27:15Cinderella story.

00:27:16Yeah.

00:27:16Uh, so Bib Fortuna is going to move on.

00:27:18Uh, before we get to the second half, let's talk about Giraffe Kings.

00:27:20Derby week is here.

00:27:21So gentlemen, suit up in your sharpest.

00:27:23Ladies, let those wide brimmed hats may have read.

00:27:25That's a really, that's a tongue twister.

00:27:26Holy shit.

00:27:27Let those wide brimmed hats turn heads.

00:27:30Uh, the race is on, but who will rise above the rest and be crowned the king of the track?

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00:27:59All right.

00:28:00Other side of the, uh, of the bracket first matchup.

00:28:03We have the 11 seed Dr. Mandible, uh, who is a giant insectoid something, member of an

00:28:10insectoid alien species who was a regular at Kalman Spaceport Cantina on Tatooine going

00:28:14up against the number six seed Salacious B. Crumb, who is another one of the many creatures

00:28:19that lived alongside Jabba the Hutt, one of his orbiters, as you might say.

00:28:23Uh, so Salacious B. Crumb versus Dr. Mandible.

00:28:26Let's start with you, Mook.

00:28:27Why'd they have to give Salacious red hair?

00:28:29And he, he, he orbits who?

00:28:34Jabba the Hutt.

00:28:35Yes.

00:28:35I mean, what the fuck?

00:28:36Uh, this is, I mean, I, Salacious B. Crumb is hysterical.

00:28:41I, I love that name.

00:28:42Uh, B. Crumb.

00:28:44I don't know.

00:28:44It does something for me.

00:28:45Uh, Dr. Mandible is, again, it's more about the name, but like, I'm not a fan of bugs

00:28:51and seeing them like in that light fucks me up.

00:28:54Uh, give me Salacious B. Crumb.

00:28:56Salacious B. Crumb the jester for Jabba the Hutt too.

00:28:58He like basically sits there and laughs at his jokes and juggles and stuff.

00:29:01It's a very goofy laugh.

00:29:02Uh, KB.

00:29:04I don't know if Salacious B. Crumb is like a good Star Wars name, unless you guys disagree.

00:29:13Um, but I think it's better than Dr. Mandible.

00:29:19I don't like Dr. Mandible.

00:29:21Doctor.

00:29:22So one vote for Salacious.

00:29:23I'm going to go Salacious B. Crumb.

00:29:25It's a fun name.

00:29:26If I remember correctly in Mando, Mando beats Dr. Mandible for like in like Sabacc for information

00:29:32or something.

00:29:33First season.

00:29:34Yeah.

00:29:34Oh, he beat him for information.

00:29:36He like, he like played him in a game of cards for information.

00:29:40Dr. Mandible.

00:29:42That'd be a cool nickname for Ja Morant.

00:29:44Ooh.

00:29:45His dad might be a doctor.

00:29:47He grew up really rich, right?

00:29:48Maybe.

00:29:49Um, sorry.

00:29:50Uh, Nick.

00:29:52Um, was Salacious B. Crumb.

00:29:55Does he have a little Jim Henson design touch?

00:29:57Oh, yeah.

00:29:57Jim Henson did Yoda.

00:29:59Yeah.

00:29:59He looks like he's from like a Jim Henson creation.

00:30:03And I like Star Wars.

00:30:05I love Muppets.

00:30:06And Salacious B. Crumb is like a perfect Muppet name as well.

00:30:09That's what it is.

00:30:10Um, I'm, I gotta go.

00:30:12I gotta go with Salacious B. Crumb.

00:30:15Another one for Salacious B. Crumb.

00:30:16Really useless beak on him too.

00:30:18Yeah.

00:30:19Oh, yeah.

00:30:20Uh, easy one for Salacious B. Crumb.

00:30:22I think one of the better Star Wars names.

00:30:24And actually the reason why Jeff D. Lowe uses the middle initial.

00:30:28That's true.

00:30:28That's a fact.

00:30:29Whoa.

00:30:30Oh, he cackles madly.

00:30:32Yeah.

00:30:33He cackles.

00:30:34Does that change it?

00:30:35Yeah.

00:30:36Yeah.

00:30:36Everything Jabba does.

00:30:38He's.

00:30:39Uh, uh, Clint.

00:30:41Uh, do we know how, what doctor, what Dr. Mandible's doctorate is in?

00:30:46Is it like, is he a medical doctor?

00:30:48Is he like one of those phony PhD doctors?

00:30:51I believe he's DDS.

00:30:52I think he's like a droid type doctor.

00:30:54Isn't he fucking with our computer?

00:30:56That's just like a mechanic.

00:30:57Yeah.

00:30:58I don't know if you can get a PhD in that.

00:31:00Uh, but either way, Salacious B. Crumb is going to move on.

00:31:03Wait.

00:31:03So he, he's named this.

00:31:05He was named after Jabba the Hutt.

00:31:07Cause Jabba said he was a tempting morsel.

00:31:09And the B stands for body B-A-W-D-Y.

00:31:13Salacious body crumb.

00:31:15Yeah.

00:31:15If you wanted to get in Jabba's crew, you had to have an A plus Nick.

00:31:19Yeah.

00:31:19That have an A plus name.

00:31:20We got Salacious crumb.

00:31:22You got Bib Fortuna.

00:31:23Obviously Boba Fett was in the fucking mix.

00:31:25Like Jabba the Hutt is a great name as well.

00:31:28Bob, I feel like there's probably 10 other guys we're not even mentioning.

00:31:30Like a New Jersey mob.

00:31:32Like you better have a good nickname.

00:31:33Like big pussy bumping.

00:31:36So either way, Salacious B. Crumb is going to move on.

00:31:40Now we have one of my favorite matchups.

00:31:41My all time favorite Star Wars names.

00:31:44Uh, Jack Porkins.

00:31:45Uh, yeah.

00:31:46Rest in peace, man.

00:31:48That haunted me.

00:31:49Yeah.

00:31:49Jack Porky or Porkins nicknamed Piggy was a male human trader from Bestin for, uh, over

00:31:56three decades after his death, he was remembered by the Porkins belly run, a resistance flight

00:32:00maneuver named in his honor.

00:32:02Yep.

00:32:03Come on.

00:32:05Uh, he's going up against the number 14 seed, Yariel Poof, uh, Quarmerian Jedi Master

00:32:11Serpent High Council.

00:32:12Come on.

00:32:12The most beheadable creature ever created.

00:32:17Wait, wait, wait.

00:32:19Both of these are real?

00:32:20Yeah.

00:32:21Both of these.

00:32:22Wait, Jed Porkins?

00:32:23Jed Porkins.

00:32:24Yeah.

00:32:24He's a legend.

00:32:24And it's just this fat dude?

00:32:26Yeah.

00:32:27He's an X-Wing fighter.

00:32:28He's actually the only fat guy in the first one.

00:32:30He's like the only fat person in Star Wars other than like Jabba the Hutt.

00:32:33Okay.

00:32:35Porkins.

00:32:36Porkins.

00:32:36Yeah.

00:32:37So Jack Porkins versus, uh, uh, Yariel Poof.

00:32:40Uh, let's start with you, Clem.

00:32:43This guy Porkins never had a chance.

00:32:45And like you said, he's the only fat guy.

00:32:46And then his name is Porkins.

00:32:47They call it the goddamn belly run.

00:32:49It's like, he's just cursed.

00:32:51That man is cursed.

00:32:52Jed Porkins was cursed.

00:32:53He should have changed his name when he, when you're doing the rebellion, you could just

00:32:56be a different person.

00:32:57Be Jed Smith.

00:32:58Yeah.

00:32:58Jed Smith.

00:32:59Jed.

00:32:59He kept Porkins.

00:33:00He fucking dies to just a terrible, awful run.

00:33:04But you know what?

00:33:05I know his fucking name when it's all said and done.

00:33:07There's a lot of good credit for that.

00:33:08Legend.

00:33:09Every kid knows Porkins at least.

00:33:10Every kid doesn't know Porkins.

00:33:11No, it's the fat one.

00:33:11Yeah.

00:33:12It's like Porkins.

00:33:12And they own his name though.

00:33:13The fact, yeah.

00:33:14The fact that they were like, what should we call the fat one, George?

00:33:17I don't know.

00:33:18Porkins.

00:33:19Like that's so funny to me.

00:33:20It was such an easy Porkins.

00:33:21Porkins alongside Biggs Darklighter.

00:33:24Biggs Darklighter and Luke Skywalker.

00:33:26And then the coolest fucking names ever.

00:33:28And then Jed Porkins.

00:33:29Biggs Darklighter.

00:33:32Biggs Darklighter flew alongside him.

00:33:33Is he in this competition?

00:33:34No, he's too cool.

00:33:35Too cool for this one, I think.

00:33:38So we are one vote for Jed Porkins.

00:33:41Two for Porkins.

00:33:41Me and Clem.

00:33:42Two for Porkins.

00:33:43Nick?

00:33:45Is his name Jed or Jack?

00:33:46So on the Wikipedia, it's Jack, but I've only ever heard him called Jed.

00:33:49Isn't that weird?

00:33:50I think it is Jack though.

00:33:51Yeah.

00:33:52So I'm insane Jack just because that's what goes by on Wiki.

00:33:55But I've always before that called him Jed.

00:33:57So I don't know.

00:33:58The Jack Porkins.

00:33:59So two for them, Nick?

00:34:01I mean, Porkins, that was like one of the most vivid deaths I remember watching.

00:34:06Like that's like maybe the first movie death I've ever seen.

00:34:13Well, his last words were, nope, I'm all right.

00:34:17Oh, I love that.

00:34:24I gotta go.

00:34:24I gotta go Porkins, man.

00:34:26It's I think Clem said it.

00:34:27Yeah, it's you know his name.

00:34:29You remember him.

00:34:29He's a legend.

00:34:30Do you remember his death in Blue Harvest?

00:34:33The family guy thing?

00:34:34The family guy thing.

00:34:35They just have him as like an like he's so big.

00:34:37He's overflowing out of the X-Wing and it's weighing it down and crashes into the death star.

00:34:42That's right.

00:34:43KB?

00:34:46Yeah, man, I guess I like Jack Porkins as a guy and the name as like a guy, the name of a white trash fat dude.

00:34:56But this is the Star Wars universe.

00:34:57He wasn't white trash.

00:34:58Come on.

00:34:58I think Yeriel Poof is that fits the essence of what Star Wars is going for with their character.

00:35:05So I have to go Yeriel Poof.

00:35:06One vote then for Yeriel Poof, Mook.

00:35:11Yeah, the name Yeriel Poof and him visually looks like like an overseas NBA player that like is like outgrowing his frame.

00:35:20Yeah, yes.

00:35:22Syndrome.

00:35:22A project player.

00:35:23Project player.

00:35:23With Marf Hansen from.

00:35:25Man, he looks like everyone like Victor Webinian is out of this planet.

00:35:29Like Yeriel Poof is is the guy.

00:35:30Yeah.

00:35:31Jed Porkins.

00:35:33I mean, this guy is taking down, you know, 50 wings at Tencent Wig Night and drinking beer and taking home Mama the Hutt.

00:35:40Yeah.

00:35:41I think, again, I'm similar to KB here.

00:35:44If we're talking cooler names, I'm going Jed Porkins.

00:35:47That guy rocks.

00:35:47But if we're going Star Wars names, Yeriel Poof is pretty sweet.

00:35:51So then by a narrow one vote, Jack Porkins is going to move on.

00:35:55Shout out to Porkins.

00:35:56R.I.P. in peace.

00:35:57Uh, Porkins.

00:35:59Next up, we have the number 10 seed.

00:36:01I believe that actually the 10 seed is is Nick's favorite.

00:36:05Oh, I know who it is then.

00:36:06Ben Quadranaros.

00:36:07Yes.

00:36:08Ben.

00:36:08Ben Quadranaros.

00:36:11I've not heard this.

00:36:12A goat.

00:36:12I tried to get him tattooed and the artist wouldn't do it.

00:36:15It looks like a giant pussy.

00:36:16They said it looked like a clitoral hood.

00:36:20Yes.

00:36:20I have a.

00:36:21Yeah, I have him up in the box up there.

00:36:24I action figure.

00:36:25I have, uh, um, I have a PSA 10 out of 10 population, like 15 Ben Quadranaros trading

00:36:31card.

00:36:32Nice.

00:36:32And then, uh, we had my senior year of college.

00:36:35We had to make our own typeface and mine was called Quadranaros bold.

00:36:39Hell yeah.

00:36:39Yeah.

00:36:40Uh, so Ben Quadranaros, who was a, uh, inexperienced Tung pod racer who raced on a planet amateur

00:36:47circuits before entering the Boonta Eve classic, uh, and whatever that year was, he was also,

00:36:53I guess he was just kind of like a rich from what I read in his bio.

00:36:55He's kind of like a rich guy who just wanted to pod race to be cool, but he wasn't very

00:36:58good at it.

00:36:58And which resulted to him losing the Boonta Eve classic almost immediately.

00:37:02Never got to start.

00:37:03He had a lot of ad deals though.

00:37:04Yeah.

00:37:04And he's, he's going up against the number seven seed Coleman Trevor, uh, just a dinosaur

00:37:09faced, uh, creature Jedi that gets, he jumps up, tries to attack out Duke and just immediately

00:37:14shot.

00:37:14He dies so fast.

00:37:16By Jango Fett shot dead immediately.

00:37:18Jedi shouldn't be shot.

00:37:20Yeah.

00:37:21He's like one of the few to actually just gets straight up shot down.

00:37:23Yeah.

00:37:24Coleman got shot.

00:37:25Coleman got shot.

00:37:26Coleman in this picture, it looks like he's about to hit the blade with his finger.

00:37:30He looks like he's going to chop his own finger.

00:37:31He doesn't even know how to hold his own lightsaber.

00:37:33What an idiot.

00:37:35It's a very lazy anagram of Rob Coleman, who was the animation director for the movies,

00:37:39by the way.

00:37:39That's why it sounds.

00:37:40Oh, wait, that is a lazy and it's just so lazy.

00:37:43What letters did they switch?

00:37:46It's just Rob Robert backwards.

00:37:47So like Nomar with Ramon through the anagram and they were like, let's keep Coleman.

00:37:53So Coleman Schreber versus Ben Quadraneros.

00:37:57Who did I end on last time?

00:37:59Mook, you're up first.

00:38:01Yeah, I like Quadraneros.

00:38:03And I think the first name being Ben and then going into Quadraneros.

00:38:07He's the most famous Ben in Star Wars.

00:38:08Pretty fucking funny.

00:38:09There's a Ben Solo.

00:38:10Yeah.

00:38:11There's a Ben Solo?

00:38:12Yeah.

00:38:13Kylo Ren.

00:38:14Jesus.

00:38:14And Ben Kenobi.

00:38:16Ben Kenobi.

00:38:16And Ben Kenobi.

00:38:17That's true.

00:38:18Quadraneros.

00:38:18And you, you did the, you did the crop job dirty because he's so leggy.

00:38:23Yeah.

00:38:23He's got a lot of legs.

00:38:24You would not think it.

00:38:24He's taller than that.

00:38:25Oh my word.

00:38:26Yes.

00:38:26He's leggy as all that.

00:38:27He's got those Carrie Underwood legs.

00:38:28Yeah.

00:38:28Oh yeah.

00:38:29The Monday night Carrie Underwood legs.

00:38:31He's kind of got like a mincy build to him a little bit.

00:38:33A little bit.

00:38:34Yeah.

00:38:34He has like old grandma too.

00:38:36It's like.

00:38:36He's so awesome.

00:38:37Fascinated by Quadraneros.

00:38:38I don't think Coleman Trevor could be any more boring if we're being completely honest.

00:38:43I'm going Ben.

00:38:43Give me Ben.

00:38:44One vote for Ben.

00:38:45KB.

00:38:46Oh my God.

00:38:49Quadraneros is such a dope last name.

00:38:52I think it would make any first name sound good.

00:38:56Does it make you feel better to know that he also drives in a four engine pod pod racer?

00:39:01No, that makes me feel nothing.

00:39:05I just like the name.

00:39:07So I'm going to vote that Coleman Trevor sucks.

00:39:10That's like your boy's Facebook friend.

00:39:12It's not a good name.

00:39:13I'm going to, I'm going to say it now.

00:39:15Uh, Quadraneros will appear in new Plattson at some point.

00:39:18I guarantee.

00:39:18Yeah.

00:39:19Love that.

00:39:19And that was bold of you to say, but I do love the name.

00:39:26Uh, so another one for, for Quadraneros, Nick, I love in a world where you can have literally

00:39:32any name, any combination of letters or fucking symbols.

00:39:35There's three Ben's.

00:39:40You can use symbols.

00:39:42Yeah.

00:39:43And nobody would bat an eye if it was just a symbol.

00:39:46And they're like, nah, this one's Ben as well.

00:39:48That's so funny to me.

00:39:49His build is perfect.

00:39:51I love Ben Quadraneros so fucking much.

00:39:54Ben Quadraneros.

00:39:55He's all face.

00:39:57He's so much face.

00:39:58In Lego Star Wars, like he's impossible to do in Lego.

00:40:01So it's just like this model in the middle of Lego Star Wars.

00:40:06Uh, so three for Ben Quadraneros.

00:40:08Robbie?

00:40:09Easy Quadraneros.

00:40:10No doubt about it.

00:40:12Absolute shellacking.

00:40:14Coleman Trevor.

00:40:15Coleman Trevor.

00:40:16Oh, fucking shout out to Coleman.

00:40:20Uh, Clem.

00:40:22I went to a Lakers game a few years ago.

00:40:24Uh, we were out for the dozen and Nick told me all about Ben Quadraneros when I was out

00:40:28there and I thought he was running a bit on me until just now.

00:40:32And I still think there's an outside chance.

00:40:34He's like, Kenja, put this guy on here.

00:40:36I'm going to keep fucking with Clem.

00:40:37No.

00:40:39Uh, I love the guy.

00:40:40I've seen him on like Twitter and I never knew as a Star Wars guy.

00:40:43So I am just amazed.

00:40:44Ben Quadraneros.

00:40:46Absolute beast.

00:40:47Uh, do you know who does that great impression is Devlin of like the announcers for the

00:40:50Padres.

00:40:51Yeah, of course he does.

00:40:52Dude, it's spot on.

00:40:54I also thought Clem was going to say, I was at a Lakers game a few years ago and Quadraneros

00:40:57was sitting in court.

00:40:58He was going to say that too.

00:41:00Oh, on the celeb cam.

00:41:03Yeah.

00:41:05Uh, so Ben Quadraneros is going to move on.

00:41:06Now we can run through our 15 seat options.

00:41:08There's only a few, uh, starting out with Shumai.

00:41:11Um, Shumai is a like, sort of like fishing.

00:41:15Fish looking, as you might imagine, CIS supplier, um, going up against Lotha Somover, who is

00:41:22a insectoid bug slug, um, with a neural net helmet.

00:41:25Um, then Cy Snoodles, who is the singer for the Max Rebo band.

00:41:30Yeah.

00:41:31Oh, I hate her.

00:41:32I hate the special edition.

00:41:33The scene ruins the fucking, ugh.

00:41:35Yeah.

00:41:35And also a, in the Clone Wars, she is a bounty hunter of sorts, I guess, or a hit man, I

00:41:39guess.

00:41:40She, she kills Zero the Hutt.

00:41:41Um.

00:41:42Spoilers.

00:41:42Yeah.

00:41:43And then lastly, one of the all-time woats, C.O. Bibble.

00:41:47C.O. Bibble?

00:41:48One of the all-time worst Star Wars characters, C.O. Bibble.

00:41:53Just in that, he's a, by the way, you know what his job title is in the Wikipedia?

00:41:56Philosopher.

00:41:57Oh.

00:41:58C.O. Bibble the philosopher?

00:42:00And he kind of looks like a philosopher.

00:42:01Dude, all he does is like beg the Naboo to surrender.

00:42:04That's all he does the entire movie.

00:42:05He's like, surrender.

00:42:05We must surrender.

00:42:06He's such an asshole to pad, man.

00:42:08Dude, the biggest jerk-off, C.O. Bibble.

00:42:10Um.

00:42:11So, to run through the chain options again, Shumai, Lotha Somover, uh, Cy Snoodles, and

00:42:16C.O. Bibble.

00:42:17Uh, let's start with you, Clem.

00:42:20For me, it's between Snoodles and Bibbles.

00:42:22No surprise there.

00:42:24Uh.

00:42:28C.O. Bibble is such a goddamn strong name.

00:42:30I mean, I'm kind of falling.

00:42:32Bibble, if you put those double Bs together, it's just fun to say.

00:42:36Right?

00:42:37Like a babbling brook.

00:42:38Bibble.

00:42:38Yes.

00:42:40Uh.

00:42:40Is that onomatopoeia?

00:42:42When you have some.

00:42:43Or is that what it sounds like?

00:42:44No.

00:42:45Um.

00:42:45That's when it sounds like something.

00:42:47Sounds like a pow or something.

00:42:48Okay.

00:42:48Yeah.

00:42:49Uh.

00:42:49Whatever Bibble is, I love it.

00:42:51Alliteration?

00:42:52Is that what you're looking for?

00:42:53Alliteration.

00:42:54Alliteration, but it could be like a sound, like a Bibble.

00:42:57Yeah.

00:42:57A Bibble kind of is a sound.

00:42:58It's like the sound like a water droplet makes sometimes.

00:43:01A Bibble.

00:43:02Mm-hmm.

00:43:02I like that.

00:43:04The one vote for C.O. Bibble.

00:43:07It's going to be two votes for C.O. Bibble.

00:43:09I was in the same boat as Clem trying to choose between Snoodles and Bibble.

00:43:13But I'm a Bibble guy myself.

00:43:15I feel like Bibble's been a kind of a character around Lights, Camera, Barstool for years.

00:43:20Yeah.

00:43:20Me, you, and Jeff constantly talking about how much we hate Bibble.

00:43:23Yeah.

00:43:23It's going to have to be Bibble.

00:43:24Unrelated to C.O. Green, ironically.

00:43:27C.Low Green?

00:43:28Yeah.

00:43:28Oh, C.Low, not C.O. Green.

00:43:30Yeah.

00:43:30Am I thinking of C.A.?

00:43:31C.O. Green.

00:43:32C.A. is another person.

00:43:33C.A.

00:43:34Chandelier.

00:43:34C.O. Bibble.

00:43:35C.A.

00:43:36C.A. is close.

00:43:37We're getting there.

00:43:38We're in the summer close.

00:43:38There is a.

00:43:39The Jizzer.

00:43:40Nick.

00:43:40Ghostface Killer.

00:43:41Inspected Deck.

00:43:42All right.

00:43:43I've got to go do a stream.

00:43:44Thanks, guys.

00:43:44All right.

00:43:46Bye, Robbie.

00:43:47That was such a loud beep.

00:43:49All right.

00:43:50Nick.

00:43:54None of these hit the same.

00:43:55I mean, I guess C.O. Bibble, but like that.

00:44:00I don't know what that.

00:44:02I don't like him.

00:44:04I don't like him at all, but I know it's just name.

00:44:09Fuck it.

00:44:09I'll go size noodles.

00:44:10Fuck it.

00:44:11I don't like her.

00:44:13I don't like the scene she's in.

00:44:16I don't like the way she does anything.

00:44:19She's not hot, but I'm going to go with her anyway.

00:44:23Honestly, the way Nick reacted to her name kind of put me off the sense of Snoodle.

00:44:27Oh, my God.

00:44:28And now he's gone full fucking 180.

00:44:30I don't like her, but Sanctity of the Bracket, it's a good name.

00:44:35She also has a bad build.

00:44:37She's all arms and legs.

00:44:38Yeah, but them lips, though.

00:44:40Oh, my God.

00:44:41Fridge build.

00:44:43What you got against fridges, bro?

00:44:46You're going to go with size noodles, KB?

00:44:48I like the name size noodles, but I'm thinking it's more like a children's cartoon character than a Star Wars.

00:44:58Wait, let me tell you something about Star Wars.

00:44:59I don't know what Star Wars is.

00:45:00I'm thinking of like a Nickelodeon type character.

00:45:03Oh, okay.

00:45:05C.O. Bibble.

00:45:07That's more Star Wars to me.

00:45:09Both of those are like simple names that should be the names of other things, but I've escaped that.

00:45:14So I like C.O. Bibble for a Star Wars name.

00:45:17C.O. Bibble.

00:45:18C.O. Bibble going to get a vote, Mook?

00:45:21Yeah, I think, I mean, we have some strong candidates here, but we're sleeping on how bad Shume is.

00:45:29Shumei.

00:45:30Shumei, that's a dish, right?

00:45:31It sure is.

00:45:32That's an appetizer.

00:45:33I don't love that.

00:45:35Also, I don't think Lotha is getting enough love.

00:45:38Lotha.

00:45:39I'm looking at him.

00:45:40Blossed over that.

00:45:41Lotha is kind of a sweet.

00:45:42I like Lotha.

00:45:44Size noodles.

00:45:45Nah.

00:45:47C.O. Bibble.

00:45:48Reminds me of like a Westerosi house leader.

00:45:52Yeah, that's more like a medieval fantasy or like that.

00:45:56Lord Bibble.

00:45:57Yeah.

00:45:57Wow.

00:45:58And the Bibble clan.

00:45:59Yeah.

00:45:59Wow.

00:45:59My God.

00:46:00Yeah.

00:46:00I'm a Bibble guy.

00:46:01I'm going to go Bibble.

00:46:03Bibble is going to move on to play.

00:46:05Is Shumei like, it's like she's wearing like Asian garb.

00:46:09Oh, just be clear.

00:46:10George Lucas loved being racist more than anything in the world.

00:46:13Yeah.

00:46:14Yeah.

00:46:14We're sleeping on the fact that Coleman Trevor got shot and is not good with his firearm.

00:46:19Yeah.

00:46:20Well, he has, he has a lightsaber.

00:46:22Yeah.

00:46:22And he was gripping.

00:46:23He wasn't, he wasn't taking care of it.

00:46:24Well, at all.

00:46:25Yeah.

00:46:25And I mean, it's the light side versus the dark side.

00:46:30Light side versus the dark side.

00:46:31They're the new, what are they?

00:46:33New green race species again?

00:46:35That speak with like an obscene Asian accent.

00:46:37Yeah.

00:46:38Yeah.

00:46:38I mean, just like the Gungans are Jamaican.

00:46:41Yeah.

00:46:43When you rewatch episode one for the first time in a while, you're like, holy shit.

00:46:48In a whole new world.

00:46:50And like Jar Jar is literally just like a, like a stoned Jamaican man.

00:46:53Yeah.

00:46:54He's just his character.

00:46:56So, Seal Bibble is going to go on to play our number two seed.

00:47:00One of the, one of the other all-time favorites.

00:47:03Elon Sleaze Baganow.

00:47:04Oh, yeah.

00:47:05Elon Sleaze Baganow.

00:47:07Another one of the all-time favorite characters.

00:47:09He is a death stick dealer, a.k.a.

00:47:12Silfmonger on Coruscant.

00:47:14Look at this, dude.

00:47:15He, he showed up in Attack of the Clones, tried to sell Obi-Wan Kenobi a death stick.

00:47:20And basically, Obi-Wan Kenobi kind of turned his life around.

00:47:22Yeah, he did the hand wave, right?

00:47:24He did the Jedi mind trick, told him like, you don't want to sell me anything.

00:47:27You want to go home and reevaluate your life.

00:47:29And then he went, I'm going to go home and reevaluate my life.

00:47:31So, Obi-Wan kind of saved his life.

00:47:34At least.

00:47:35Presumably.

00:47:36Sleaze Baganow.

00:47:36So, Elon Sleaze Baganow versus CO Bibble to move on.

00:47:41Let's start with you, Clem.

00:47:43I'm going with CO.

00:47:45I thought his, this whole time, it was C.O. Bibble.

00:47:49I thought that was, you know.

00:47:50Commanding Officer Bibble.

00:47:52Yeah.

00:47:53Sleaze Baganow.

00:47:54That sounds like, like one of the, like, generals in Bugs Life or something like that.

00:48:00I don't, it kind of looks like he could be, they put it in human form.

00:48:05I, I'm not a fan of Sleaze Baganow on so many different levels here.

00:48:08So, I'm just going to go Bibble.

00:48:11So, you know, this guy that plays Elon Sleaze Baganow.

00:48:13Do you ever watch The Matrix?

00:48:14The first Matrix?

00:48:15Yeah.

00:48:16Do you remember the kid that was like, like the youngest kid on The Matrix crew?

00:48:20Yes.

00:48:20That's him, is it?

00:48:22Yeah, that is.

00:48:22No way.

00:48:23He dies first.

00:48:24Yeah.

00:48:24He has like the shotguns and he pulls out and he just immediately gets gunned down.

00:48:27What was his name?

00:48:27Like Rat?

00:48:28Yeah, something like that.

00:48:30Yeah.

00:48:30Mouse?

00:48:30Same actor.

00:48:31And right around, maybe it's only like four years later that they filmed this, maybe?

00:48:35If that attack of the clones?

00:48:36So, yeah.

00:48:36That ship is very star, isn't it the Eberknezzer or something like that?

00:48:39The Nebuchadnezzer.

00:48:40Nebuchadnezzer.

00:48:41Yeah.

00:48:41Star Wars-y.

00:48:42So, one vote for C.O. Bibble from Clem.

00:48:45I'll vote in place of Robbie.

00:48:47And I will say, I mean, Elon Sleaze Baganow, C.O. Bibble is definitely a better Star Wars name.

00:48:52So, that might be essentially the bracket thing.

00:48:53But Elon Sleaze Baganow is so, like, prescient.

00:48:56And people talk about him in Star Wars a lot.

00:48:59So, I'm going to go with Elon Sleaze Baganow because he has earned a place in Star Wars

00:49:03fans' hearts.

00:49:04Nick?

00:49:05So, I'm reading they added his antennas in post, obviously.

00:49:09But he wasn't meant to have them.

00:49:11And so, the early action figures don't have the antennas.

00:49:14That's a cool little collector's item.

00:49:16Oh, nice.

00:49:17Sleaze Baganow is too on the nose for me.

00:49:19So, who won the plan?

00:49:24C.O. Bibble.

00:49:25Yeah, I'm going Bibble over Baganow.

00:49:28Two votes for C.O. Bibble to one for Sleaze Baganow.

00:49:31KB?

00:49:33Linguistically, I love Sleaze Baganow.

00:49:36But it's just not too...

00:49:37It's too much for me.

00:49:39And I hate the name Elon with an A.

00:49:43So, I'm going to go C.O. Bibble.

00:49:45Three votes for C.O. Bibble.

00:49:47Mook?

00:49:47I think there's, like, a real-life Elon Sleaze Baganow

00:49:50that sells Mali in Atlantic City, like, at clubs.

00:49:53Yeah.

00:49:53Like, that's what he's given to me.

00:49:56It's too, like, KB, it's kind of too on the nose.

00:49:59C.O. Bibble rocks.

00:50:01I'm going C.O. Bibble.

00:50:02Well, another vote for C.O. Bibble.

00:50:04He was, I mean, again, to clarify,

00:50:06C.O. Bibble, all-time coward.

00:50:07One of the worst characters in Star Wars.

00:50:09But we love him anyway.

00:50:11Do you love him?

00:50:12For the name.

00:50:13It's a great Star Wars name.

00:50:15So, the C.O. Bibble is going to move on.

00:50:17Before we get into the playoffs,

00:50:18let's talk about Aura Frames.

00:50:20Ready to win Mother's Day

00:50:21and cement your reputation

00:50:22as the best gift giver in the family?

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00:51:22All right.

00:51:23Playoff time.

00:51:23First matchup.

00:51:25Thurm Scissor Punch versus...

00:51:27Oh, yeah.

00:51:28Forgot about him.

00:51:29...versus Mama the Hut.

00:51:31Wow.

00:51:32Mama versus Thurm.

00:51:34Sounds like a fireman's worst nightmare.

00:51:37Let's start out with you, Mook.

00:51:38Yeah, you don't get legs like these

00:51:40without taking down some Mama,

00:51:42so this is going to be...

00:51:43Thurm is hard.

00:51:46Thurm Scissor Punch.

00:51:47Mama the Hut is slightly lazy,

00:51:50although I have a soft spot for...

00:51:51I'm going to go Thurm Scissor Punch.

00:51:53I think the name is cooler.

00:51:54One for Thurm Scissor Punch.

00:51:56KB.

00:51:58Yeah, Thurm Scissor Punch.

00:51:59I mean, it's perfect for Star Wars.

00:52:01It's violent.

00:52:02It's masculine.

00:52:06He has claws for hands.

00:52:07Two for Thurm Scissor Punch.

00:52:10Nick?

00:52:11What was her name?

00:52:12She wasn't always Mama, was she?

00:52:14I mean, it's the only given name

00:52:15they had on Wikipedia.

00:52:16It's Mama the Hut.

00:52:18Yeah.

00:52:19I don't see anything.

00:52:20I wish she had a human name.

00:52:21Do you know who she's married to?

00:52:23Who?

00:52:24Papa.

00:52:26She's literally the Mama and the Papa?

00:52:28She's married to Papa the Hut.

00:52:30What's her real name?

00:52:32I'm trying to find that out.

00:52:33Oh, Brittany.

00:52:34Oh, it is Brittany.

00:52:35No.

00:52:36It's Brittany Hutt.

00:52:37No.

00:52:38Brittany the Hut.

00:52:39Brittany T. Hutt.

00:52:43Oh, Jesus.

00:52:46Do you like Mama the Hut?

00:52:48No.

00:52:48I think it's lazy.

00:52:49And Scissor Punch is like the perfect Star Wars name.

00:52:59It's cool thing, verb.

00:53:02Yeah.

00:53:03Skywalker.

00:53:04They're just trying to recapture that magic.

00:53:07I'm going Scissor Punch.

00:53:08Therm.

00:53:10Therm is just the icing on the cake.

00:53:12Yeah.

00:53:12Three votes for Therm Scissor Punch in place of Robbie.

00:53:15I kind of love Mama the Hut, especially because she speaks in the Cajun accent and everything,

00:53:20too.

00:53:21It really sells me a lot.

00:53:24And I'll oversee.

00:53:25She just lives in a cave and directs her cabal of Huttese.

00:53:29I love that, too.

00:53:30But this is just strictly a name competition.

00:53:34Fuck.

00:53:34It's Therm Scissor Punch.

00:53:36What if Mama the Hut scissor punches you?

00:53:38You're dead.

00:53:39Oh, my God.

00:53:40She doesn't have legs.

00:53:42How could you?

00:53:42How can you scissor without legs?

00:53:45It's like in a Matrix scene.

00:53:46How can you talk without a mouth?

00:53:47Yeah.

00:53:50Agent Smith taking lesbians' legs away to get information.

00:53:53It's Scissor Punch for all those reasons.

00:53:59Old Therm is going to move on.

00:54:01Now we have on the top a Bib Fortuna versus Finger and Dan.

00:54:05You thought you saw the last of Finger and Dan?

00:54:08You sure didn't.

00:54:10Finger and Dan versus Bib Fortuna.

00:54:14Babe, why was Finger and Dan leaving the house?

00:54:15And why were you moaning?

00:54:17He's a friend, babe.

00:54:18When Finger and Dan is leaving your house after you get home from work early.

00:54:30Do you think there's someone right now that has the nickname Finger and Dan and his group of friends?

00:54:34Yeah, yeah, I think so.

00:54:36Yeah.

00:54:36I think so.

00:54:37Disgusting story behind it, I'm sure.

00:54:40Finger and Dan versus Bib Fortuna Clem.

00:54:43So this is like the two sides of this bracket.

00:54:46There's the incredible Star Wars names, and then there's the ridiculous Star Wars names.

00:54:51And it's a battle of one seeds in those two perspectives.

00:54:55So what am I looking for here?

00:54:57I guess I'll be the, like, purist, and I'll go with Bib Fortuna.

00:55:02Even though I never thought I'd vote against Finger and Dan.

00:55:05I can't believe I'm doing it as I do it, but I'm going Bib Fortuna.

00:55:09I think I got to go for Finger and Dan.

00:55:12It's just, Bib Fortuna is a bigger character in all those things.

00:55:15And it is, Bib Fortuna is almost, like, it is kind of like, you were saying, like, thing, action, whatever.

00:55:22Like, but I don't know.

00:55:23Like, Finger and Dan is just so fucking funny.

00:55:26That's such a funny name.

00:55:27And the fact that, like.

00:55:28God has the apostrophe in there, too.

00:55:30The apostrophe, we cannot gloss over the apostrophe in Dan.

00:55:33Fingering Dan.

00:55:34It makes me think his name might not be Dan.

00:55:37That apostrophe has to do something.

00:55:39Fingering Dan?

00:55:40Like, what does it mean?

00:55:41I think it's like Dion.

00:55:43No.

00:55:43What does an apostrophe do?

00:55:45There has to be an I.

00:55:46D apostrophe A-N would be D-N.

00:55:49It'd be D-N.

00:55:52Oh, fingering D-N is even worse.

00:55:55It's horrible.

00:55:56So, but I prefer.

00:55:58Oh, it's pronounced as Dan.

00:55:59Okay.

00:56:01It's Dan.

00:56:03It's a silent apostrophe.

00:56:07The apostrophe is silent.

00:56:08What the fuck?

00:56:12You can't just do that.

00:56:14If he throws the finger in, then it's like, Dan.

00:56:16Right?

00:56:17Yeah.

00:56:17Yeah, right.

00:56:18That's how we got it.

00:56:20To a one-to-one right now.

00:56:21Bit for Tuna versus Finger and Dan.

00:56:22Nick.

00:56:23He can also play a mean Gasson string drum.

00:56:26Jesus.

00:56:28I love Wookieepedia so much.

00:56:31He's going to hit the Gorp spot.

00:56:32He's overbearing and compulsive.

00:56:37What?

00:56:38They possibly know this about him.

00:56:39I know.

00:56:41Finger and damn.

00:56:43Plays exclusively at the Outer Rim.

00:56:49Did you make that up?

00:56:51No.

00:56:52No.

00:56:52It's not what I ran.

00:56:53The Outer Rim Territories.

00:56:56Their most recognizable song is Mad About Me.

00:56:59You know I'm going with this, but I'm just.

00:57:00This was awesome.

00:57:04Two to one for Fingering Dan right now.

00:57:08Oh, Fingering Dan sounds way worse.

00:57:10KB.

00:57:12So here's the deal.

00:57:14I think Finger and Dan is hilarious at worst.

00:57:19But this guy's name is Figrin.

00:57:22Yeah, it's Figrin.

00:57:23The N I feel like is imperative.

00:57:25Figrin sucks.

00:57:27No, it doesn't.

00:57:28That's just a horrible mouth sound.

00:57:29Figrin Dan?

00:57:30Figrin?

00:57:32Figrin Dan?

00:57:33Figrin?

00:57:33Figrin's awesome, man.

00:57:35Figrin is funny and awesome.

00:57:37Figrin is just two bad syllables.

00:57:42And I just love Bib Fortuna.

00:57:44I think that's a perfect Star Wars name.

00:57:47You have been a Bib Fortuna guy since like day one.

00:57:49Since the minute we said Bib Fortuna, you've been all over him.

00:57:52Mook.

00:57:53Am I the tiebreaker?

00:57:55Yes.

00:57:55I don't like that I'm the tiebreaker and I'm not even a Star Wars guy.

00:57:59This is what makes it like it's the best name.

00:58:02You know nothing else.

00:58:04Finger and Dan.

00:58:05Figrin.

00:58:06It's Figrin.

00:58:08If it is Figrin, that changes.

00:58:11Yeah.

00:58:11That's funnier.

00:58:13Figrin.

00:58:13Figrin Dan?

00:58:15It just sounds like Fingrin.

00:58:16I can't get all Fingrin Dan.

00:58:18What did you call me?

00:58:18He gets pissed.

00:58:21Bib Fortuna is sick, but Bib Fortuna, it sounds like a band name too.

00:58:27Like Bib Fortuna.

00:58:28Yeah.

00:58:28That's a Midwest emo band.

00:58:30Oh, it probably is.

00:58:32But Finger and Dan is just, that's a guy I want to like get a beer with and go out with.

00:58:37Give me Finger and Dan.

00:58:39So Finger and Dan is going to go up against Therm Scissor Punch to get into the finals.

00:58:43Mook.

00:58:43Again, I'm with Clem here.

00:58:49Is it purist or is it like ridiculous?

00:58:52We said best Star Wars name?

00:58:56Give me Therm.

00:58:57Give me Scissor Punch.

00:58:59One vote for Therm Scissor Punch.

00:59:00KB.

00:59:03I'm doing a 180.

00:59:05I think having a real name that sounds like Finger and Dan is funnier than just being nicknamed Finger and Dan.

00:59:13I'm going to go Figrin Dan.

00:59:15Figrin Dan and the model nodes, dude.

00:59:18Figrin Dan.

00:59:19One vote for Figrin Dan.

00:59:21Okay, Nick.

00:59:24It's Figrin Dan.

00:59:26I love him.

00:59:27I love him.

00:59:27I'm still reading about him.

00:59:29Dude, he has an expansive Wikipedia.

00:59:31I'm trying to find out how he died.

00:59:32I don't think he did.

00:59:34He's still alive.

00:59:35He's still alive.

00:59:37He's still Figrin in the wind right now.

00:59:39Two for Figrin.

00:59:39One for Therm Scissor Punch.

00:59:41I'm going for Figrin Dan.

00:59:44I love him so much.

00:59:45And the fact that he looks like you were saying, like a penis smoking a hookah, like it does add a lot.

00:59:49I know it's just names, but you got to, the appearance has to, you have to match your name.

00:59:54And he definitely does.

00:59:56So, all Figrin Dan right now, except for one vote.

00:59:59Clem?

01:00:00Is this the final?

01:00:01This isn't the final.

01:00:02You go into the finals.

01:00:03Okay.

01:00:05So, I'll be honest with you.

01:00:07I chose Fortuna last round.

01:00:09And then as, after I voted, I wanted to change back.

01:00:12It's like, you know what they say?

01:00:13Like, if you have a tough decision, do a coin flip.

01:00:15And when it's in the air, you'll know which one you want it to land on.

01:00:18And as soon as I said that, I was like, shit.

01:00:20I wish I chose Figrin Dan.

01:00:21So, I'm not going to make the same mistake twice.

01:00:23Figrin Dan.

01:00:23Yeah, now I feel bad about saying Thurm scissor punch.

01:00:26I thought we were going purist route.

01:00:28Give me Figrin Dan.

01:00:29Yeah, we all agree.

01:00:32Figrin Dan's going into the finals.

01:00:34On the other side, we have Jack Porkins versus Salacious B. Crum.

01:00:38Oh, come on.

01:00:40Predator and Prey.

01:00:41I know who wins in a fight.

01:00:42Yeah, exactly.

01:00:44So, Porkins versus Salacious B. Crum.

01:00:47Start with you, Clem.

01:00:50It's Crum.

01:00:50I feel like we fawned over fucking Porkins.

01:00:53Porkins so much, it seems kind of silly in hindsight now.

01:00:56Because he just gets his ass kicked by Salacious B. Crum.

01:00:59One vote for Salacious B. Crum.

01:01:01I would agree with you.

01:01:02I think Porkins is such a, it's a dumb, very silly name.

01:01:06And Salacious B. Crum is also.

01:01:08These are two names that they don't belong in Star Wars, like, really at all.

01:01:11Like, there's not like, they're not like, boof, sizzle, woof, or whatever bullshit.

01:01:14So, like, they're just like, actually.

01:01:15That was really good.

01:01:16That was good.

01:01:17They're like, actual attempts at making like, a weird type of other thing.

01:01:21But, I don't know.

01:01:22Just something about Porkins.

01:01:24Just, it just.

01:01:24It looks like fucking.

01:01:25Something about Porkins.

01:01:26It's just like.

01:01:27It looks like, like, Mark McGuire, like, ate Sammy Sosa.

01:01:31Like, I just.

01:01:31I love him.

01:01:32I love him so much.

01:01:33Nick.

01:01:38Porkins has like.

01:01:40I got to go to the nostalgia play here with Porkins.

01:01:43Yeah.

01:01:44Two votes for Porkins, KB.

01:01:47How did Jack Porkins even qualify?

01:01:50How did he get him?

01:01:51He got a bid.

01:01:52Listen to how you just.

01:01:53His name is Jack Porkins.

01:01:55He got a.

01:01:56Say that again.

01:01:57Jack Porkins.

01:01:59Go on.

01:02:01Wait.

01:02:03Jack Porkins.

01:02:05It is funny.

01:02:07Man.

01:02:08And the thing is, he's not an alien.

01:02:10He's a guy.

01:02:10He's a regular dude.

01:02:12A common stock slob.

01:02:13My name's Jack.

01:02:15Without Porkins.

01:02:16A dude's name being Jack.

01:02:18Jack.

01:02:19I didn't even think about Jack.

01:02:21You're too distracted by Porkins.

01:02:22He's a human.

01:02:23So imagine on Earth you meet a guy.

01:02:25He's like, yeah, my name's Jack.

01:02:26I guess that is the perfect name for a human in the Star Wars universe.

01:02:31I borderline love it now.

01:02:36Oh, my God.

01:02:38Jack Porkins.

01:02:39I like Crum, though.

01:02:44Yeah.

01:02:44Shout out to Crum.

01:02:45He's going to lose, but shout out to Crum.

01:02:46Not his birth name.

01:02:47Yeah.

01:02:47Mook.

01:02:48I have a soft spot for Salacious because part of our job at Barstool is to shill crackle

01:02:53at fat men.

01:02:54Oh, yes.

01:02:55You're right.

01:02:55That's true.

01:02:56That is like what we do.

01:02:59But I mean, Jack Porkins.

01:03:01Jack.

01:03:02My boy, Jack.

01:03:03I like the Jack more than the Porkins.

01:03:05Jack goes hard.

01:03:06I like Jack Porkins.

01:03:09Jack Porkins.

01:03:10Porkins is going to move on.

01:03:11Now we have him top.

01:03:12C.O.

01:03:12Bibble versus Ben Quadranaros.

01:03:15Wow.

01:03:16Fuck.

01:03:16Mook.

01:03:17Tough choice.

01:03:19C.O.

01:03:19Bibble versus Ben Quadranaros.

01:03:23Bibble.

01:03:23And again, Bibble looks like the Westerosi leader.

01:03:26Yes.

01:03:27What is Quadranaros?

01:03:27Quadranaros is visually impressed.

01:03:29Now, may I speak to you?

01:03:31Yes, please.

01:03:32We were just talking about how funny a human name, a human being named Jack, he is an unsightly

01:03:37beast.

01:03:38It's named Ben.

01:03:41It's Ben Quadranaros.

01:03:44It's not even close.

01:03:46He's an ass.

01:03:47He's the least human thing I've ever seen.

01:03:50His full name might be Benjamin.

01:03:52Benjamin Quadranaros.

01:03:54He's 90% body mass face.

01:03:56He's all face.

01:03:57Face and legs.

01:03:59Like, oh my God.

01:04:02Imagine being transported to an alien world and you see that.

01:04:05Yeah.

01:04:05What the fuck is that called?

01:04:07Oh, that's not Ben.

01:04:12Oh, him?

01:04:13It's Ben.

01:04:14It's my boy, Ben.

01:04:18KB, it's a tough call.

01:04:19It's me.

01:04:19Oh, yeah.

01:04:20Quadranaros.

01:04:21Ben Quadranaros.

01:04:22I love that.

01:04:23I love that last name so much.

01:04:25But like, imagine like your girlfriend has two friends over and you're like, okay, right.

01:04:29I have two buddies coming, two boys.

01:04:31One's Jack and one's Ben.

01:04:32You show pictures.

01:04:33You're going to look at the alien and be like, okay, that's Jack.

01:04:36Oh, immediately.

01:04:37I'll get with Ben.

01:04:40It's Ben.

01:04:41It's Ben.

01:04:42Ben.

01:04:42I would vote for Ben as well.

01:04:44Shout out to CEO Bibble though.

01:04:45Clem.

01:04:45Yeah.

01:04:46I mean, we've, we could go on a whole other podcast just about the, they usually nail the

01:04:50human names and the alien names and they definitely like got them mixed up in the room at some

01:04:55point with Ben and Jack.

01:04:57It is kind of incredible.

01:04:58Ben Quadranaros, by the way, if he was at, I was thinking if he was in sports, I don't

01:05:02think he's an athlete.

01:05:03I think he's like a 25 year old from Brown that is like the GM or assistant GM of like

01:05:08the Rays.

01:05:08Right.

01:05:09Yeah.

01:05:10Quadranaros.

01:05:10Yeah.

01:05:12Ben Quadranaros.

01:05:13So Ben Quadranaros versus Jack Porkins to go up in the finals against fingering.

01:05:17Dan Clem.

01:05:21So it's Quadranaros versus who?

01:05:23Uh, Porkins.

01:05:24Uh, Quadranaros.

01:05:25I'm, I'm, I'm so dyed in the wool Quadranaros right now.

01:05:28Uh, I'll die for the guy.

01:05:29Uh, I would vote for Quadranaros too.

01:05:31He's just, he's the greatest.

01:05:32Uh, Nick.

01:05:34Ben.

01:05:35Three votes for Ben.

01:05:36Yeah.

01:05:37Same.

01:05:37Honestly, same.

01:05:38Yep.

01:05:39Quadranaros.

01:05:39Give me Quadranaros.

01:05:41So Ben Quadranaros versus fingering Dan.

01:05:44Oh my fucking God.

01:05:45Oh, this would be a matchup.

01:05:47It could be.

01:05:51Uh, so Ben Quadranaros versus fingering Dan starting with you, Mook.

01:05:55Ah, this is brutal.

01:05:57I don't, I don't want to, this is, this is tough.

01:06:00I like them both a lot.

01:06:02Um, finger and Dan.

01:06:06I, I just, I went to picture both of them in my head and I saw that, that mischievous

01:06:11man that looked like it.

01:06:14Yeah.

01:06:15Finger and Dan.

01:06:15Finger and Dan, one vote, KB.

01:06:19All right.

01:06:19So I think Ben and Dan, that's a wash.

01:06:22So it's, it's, it's fingering.

01:06:25It's fingering versus Quadranaros.

01:06:27It's fingering.

01:06:28Doing algebra right now.

01:06:29Yeah.

01:06:30Yeah.

01:06:30You have like a ratio, like an X over you.

01:06:33He did.

01:06:33You're canceling each other's division.

01:06:36Yeah.

01:06:36Fuck.

01:06:37Okay.

01:06:38Okay.

01:06:39Two very different beasts with different skill sets.

01:06:42Quadranaros is just a really good last name.

01:06:46Um, I love the sound of it so much.

01:06:49Figrin.

01:06:51Is like a, is a funny, uh, is a funny adjective.

01:06:54That goes with Dan.

01:07:00It goes so well with Dan.

01:07:03Yeah.

01:07:04I can't believe I'm going to vote against Quadranaros.

01:07:06Am I?

01:07:07I don't know.

01:07:08Finger and Dan.

01:07:09It's an impossible.

01:07:10You don't feel good after you make.

01:07:11Finger and Dan.

01:07:12Finger and Dan.

01:07:14They, I, I, I haven't voted yet.

01:07:17I don't want to skip you, but I, I like your, it's, it's Ben matched with Quadranaros.

01:07:22That's funny.

01:07:23But Dan with the apostrophe.

01:07:26I forgot about this.

01:07:27The apostrophe.

01:07:28The silent apostrophe combined with fig red.

01:07:35All right.

01:07:36I, I, we can skip you and come back if you want.

01:07:39I got to think about it more.

01:07:41It's not like, uh, I don't want the pressure.

01:07:43Um, I just need to think about it more.

01:07:46Uh, Nick.

01:07:49I won't be swayed.

01:07:50I love Ben Quadranaros.

01:07:52I love Ben Quadranaros as a character, as a design.

01:07:55I love what he's done for the galaxy, but.

01:08:00Dan with an apostrophe, but still being Dan.

01:08:05And that's his last name.

01:08:09Holy shit.

01:08:14His last name is Dan.

01:08:17I didn't even think about that.

01:08:19That ain't short for Dan.

01:08:20His last name is Dan.

01:08:22Wait, that is his last name.

01:08:24It's Italian.

01:08:27He's an Italian.

01:08:28His first name is fingering.

01:08:30His name's figrin.

01:08:32And his last name is Dan.

01:08:33So I'm going, I have to do it, man.

01:08:36I have to do it.

01:08:37Last name Dan is fucking.

01:08:39You're crying.

01:08:40The last name is, I've never heard.

01:08:42Yeah, but yeah, of course that's his last name.

01:08:44It's the last.

01:08:45It's, it's that, I've never heard.

01:08:47Give away.

01:08:48The figrin Dan.

01:08:50I've never heard of some of the last name Dan.

01:08:52Like that really.

01:08:54Your name is Kyle Dan?

01:08:55Kyle Dan.

01:08:56That's such a funny last name.

01:09:00That's the funniest last name.

01:09:01Dude, I might have to change my, I might have to be Nick Dan.

01:09:04Nick Dan.

01:09:06Nick Dan.

01:09:07Holy shit.

01:09:08So two votes for Figrin Dan.

01:09:11I guess what?

01:09:12I'm going for Figrin Dan.

01:09:14Oh yeah.

01:09:15KB, you make up your mind yet?

01:09:17I'm going Figrin Dan.

01:09:18It's all Figrin Dan.

01:09:20Clem.

01:09:21Yeah, I mean, why couldn't Nick get his tattoo?

01:09:24He's a clip.

01:09:25And what does Fingrin Dan do?

01:09:27Oh my God.

01:09:28Yeah.

01:09:29Plays with him.

01:09:30Wolling with him.

01:09:31He's toying.

01:09:34Dan was made for this matchup.

01:09:36So the winner, the bracket 172 best Star Wars character name is our favorite cantina band member, Figrin Dan.

01:09:43Very well deserved.

01:09:44Very well deserved winner.

01:09:47Shout out to Mr. Dan.

01:09:49Yeah.

01:09:50Wait, what was his brother's name again?

01:09:52His brother's name?

01:09:53Yeah, Figrin Dan had a brother.

01:09:55Right?

01:09:56Oh yeah.

01:09:57What's the Dan family?

01:10:00Not to do too much extra.

01:10:02He's a Cluehorn player.

01:10:04His brother.

01:10:05Bar Queen.

01:10:06That's right.

01:10:08Bar Quinn.

01:10:09Bar Quinn Dan.

01:10:10Brother of Bar Quinn Dan.

01:10:12Oh, they look exactly the same.

01:10:13They could be twins.

01:10:14Well, that's racist.

01:10:16He's so stupid, dude.

01:10:21Oh, he got eaten by the Rancor?

01:10:23Who did?

01:10:23No, Figrin Dan.

01:10:25No.

01:10:25Figrin Dan did get eaten by a Rancor.

01:10:27No, yeah.

01:10:29Oh, Jesus.

01:10:30Anyway, that's bracket 172.

01:10:32Tune in next week.

01:10:47You

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