The optimistic and inept Timothy Lea is freshly employed by his brother-in-law Sid as a window cleaner. He soon discovers that his lady customers often require a little extra help.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00This is your life
00:00:30You'll get by, Timmy Lee
00:00:32Cause you're really not a loser
00:00:34You just find it's hard to win
00:00:37Always getting in to crazy situations
00:00:42Having trouble with romantical relations
00:00:45You got the kind of touch
00:00:47That everyone would love to own
00:00:49No simple life for you
00:00:52It's always complicated
00:00:54You date the girls you like
00:00:55But somehow you see faded
00:00:57To spend your life on lovin' all alone
00:01:01This is your life, Timmy Lee
00:01:04You may not always turn around
00:01:09How you want it to be
00:01:11But you'll get by, Timmy Lee
00:01:15Cause you're really not a loser
00:01:17You just find it's hard to win
00:01:20Always getting in to crazy situations
00:01:39Having trouble with romantical relations
00:01:42You got the kind of touch
00:01:44That everyone would love to own
00:01:47No simple life for you
00:01:49It's always complicated
00:01:51You date the girls you like
00:01:52But somehow you see faded
00:01:54To spend your life on lovin' all alone
00:01:59This is your life, Timmy Lee
00:02:02It may not always turn out
00:02:06How you want it to be
00:02:08But you'll get by, Timmy Lee
00:02:12Cause you're really not a loser
00:02:15You just find it's hard to win
00:02:17Hi, I'm Timmy Lee
00:02:24This is me first day cleaning windows
00:02:26Ever thought about window cleaners?
00:02:29They spend their days looking into hundreds of little boxes
00:02:31Many of which have got people in
00:02:33All sorts of people
00:02:35That's me
00:02:37What about that physique, eh?
00:02:39Oh, bit Steve McQueen, isn't it?
00:02:42Yes, no wonder the birds go crazy for me
00:02:44Favourite gear is a white nylon T-shirt
00:02:47Cause when you wet it
00:02:48You can press it up against the window
00:02:49And then give them a little smile
00:02:53Well, nice for the old ones
00:02:56Makes it sort of remembrance day
00:02:57Still, you can't expect to go potty on your first day, can you?
00:03:09Hand me bucket
00:03:10Some of the things you see are quite an education
00:03:26But all this was nothing to what I saw in a shop down the high street
00:03:44It all started with a little bit of window under
00:03:54A diabolical way to start a new career
00:03:56Flat on me back, staring up bloke's trouser legs
00:03:58And along comes this bird
00:04:01And if it hadn't been for her, I might have jacked it in right away
00:04:04Because she awoke in me
00:04:07Deep-rooted feelings of sensitivity and delicacy
00:04:09I never knew I had
00:04:10Never knew I could say
00:04:12In fact, one look at Elizabeth and I fell like a pair of lead knickers
00:04:16She was the type of girl you say
00:04:19Please, may I, before you give her one
00:04:20A card, I mean
00:04:22Because Sid did promise me a piece of the action with any new customers
00:04:26Oh, I wouldn't have minded a piece of her action
00:04:30What are you trying to do?
00:04:34Ruin me?
00:04:35One broken window
00:04:36One bucketed traffic warden
00:04:38Threatening to sue
00:04:40And now you tell me you lost your squeegee
00:04:42Must have dropped it under the crowd
00:04:44And that's another thing
00:04:45I pay you to clean windows
00:04:47If you want to lie on the floor and look up skirts
00:04:49You do it in your own time, right?
00:04:51I told you it was shop
00:04:53They were having it off in a window
00:04:54So, have you a sex hang-up or something?
00:04:57No, but I thought she had three legs
00:04:58Look, silly boy
00:05:01In our business, you've got to be immune from shocks
00:05:05Especially from birds
00:05:07Three-legged or one-legged
00:05:09As long as they are satisfied customers
00:05:12They bring in new ones
00:05:15Hey, I met a real knock-out this morning
00:05:18Fabulous face, fantastic body
00:05:21Legs right up to her armpits
00:05:22What about a window's?
00:05:23A window's?
00:05:24Oh, oh yeah, I gave her a card
00:05:26It's no good just shatting up dolly birds
00:05:29You've got to grease the old bags too
00:05:31It's not
00:05:32All rack of Welsh pulling you onto a dumpling, you know
00:05:36Christ, what else did you do?
00:05:43Hello
00:05:43As we were passing, I just thought I'd stop and see if you were all right
00:05:47Those forms can sometimes have delayed effects
00:05:49Oh, yes
00:05:50Oh, I mean, no
00:05:52Thank you
00:05:53I'm all right, thank you
00:05:54Fine
00:05:54We'll have to get back on patrol now
00:05:56Good night
00:05:57What's all I think?
00:06:01It was her
00:06:02Who?
00:06:03The burner, told you
00:06:04Have you gone stark raving bonkers trying to chat a female fuzz?
00:06:09I didn't know she was
00:06:10But I don't care, Sid
00:06:11I was a knockout
00:06:12Oh, yeah, you picked the right word, boy
00:06:14What I wouldn't do for her
00:06:16Yeah, well, I'm more worried about what you wouldn't do for my customers
00:06:19What do you mean, eh?
00:06:21I mean, I've got to be sure
00:06:23If some bird offers to squeeze out your chamois
00:06:26You don't go retracting your old ladder
00:06:29Christ, anyone there was a bloody virgin
00:06:34I do
00:06:34And so does Rosie
00:06:36What does she know, eh?
00:06:38Sisters always know
00:06:40Don't know what you're on about
00:06:42Responsibilities
00:06:44That's what I'm on about
00:06:45You taking over some of mine
00:06:47I mean, with Rosie pregnant
00:06:52I feel it's only proper
00:06:54I should cut it out for a while
00:06:55Window cleaning
00:06:56Not cleaning, you burks
00:06:59Servicing
00:06:59Keeping the customers happy
00:07:00Oh, well, anything I can do, Sid
00:07:02Yeah, well, that's what worries me
00:07:04Can you do?
00:07:06Oh, come off it, Sid
00:07:07Never mind, come off it
00:07:09Have you ever been on it?
00:07:10Course I am
00:07:11Yeah, well, I don't reckon
00:07:12You could dip your tassel in a fire bucket
00:07:14Without instructions
00:07:15Oh, very funny, Sid
00:07:16I'll wait, sir
00:07:17Have to be there
00:07:20You and me are going up
00:07:21What for?
00:07:22To get a professional opinion
00:07:24Mind you
00:07:26I didn't like to admit it
00:07:28But Sid was right
00:07:28My sex life held about as much sensation
00:07:31As a concrete contraceptive
00:07:32In fact, I could describe myself
00:07:35As the walking answer to contraception
00:07:36I don't do it
00:07:38With me, it's more a case of good kiss
00:07:40Good feel and good night
00:07:41Not like Sid
00:07:44I mean, he really deserved the Queen's Award for industry
00:07:46Oh, God
00:07:54I don't know why your old man works in the lost property office
00:07:56Might just as well move the old lot here
00:07:58Oh, well, Dad's working on it
00:07:59I wouldn't mind if he nixed something worthwhile
00:08:01Aren't you boys?
00:08:02Oh, yes, Mum
00:08:03How did it all go, dear?
00:08:05Oh, fine, Mum
00:08:06You could say it was a great day in the history of British window cleaning
00:08:09Oh, that's nice
00:08:11And Rosie could hardly wait for you to get back
00:08:13Oh, that's nice, too
00:08:14Yeah, she's been dreaming about that chocolate fudge all day
00:08:18Oh, Sidney, you didn't forget it
00:08:22She told you she got a craving for chocolate fudge
00:08:25Yeah, well, I know
00:08:26I'm sorry I forgot
00:08:26Sidney!
00:08:27Hey, love
00:08:28Ah, I know it's a little earthen mother tonight, eh?
00:08:33I'm starving
00:08:33He forgot it
00:08:35You didn't?
00:08:37Yeah, but I'm sorry, love
00:08:38It slipped my mind
00:08:39I'll go after dinner
00:08:40The new day it stops it
00:08:41One little thing
00:08:41I asked you to do one little thing
00:08:45I'm sorry, Rosie
00:08:47No, look, it's not the end of the world
00:08:49I'll go and get it
00:08:50I'll go and get it now
00:08:51Laura, I won't go and get it now
00:08:53Oh, Rosie, all I want to do is make you happy
00:08:56Then piss off
00:08:57Rosie?
00:09:00Ah, yes, sir
00:09:02Well, I think I'll have a wash before the thieving magpie gets home
00:09:05Now, Timmy, I won't have you talking like that
00:09:07Your father never takes anything that anyone wants
00:09:10Not even us
00:09:11It's time I forked the potatoes
00:09:21Rosie, love
00:09:24I said I was sorry
00:09:25But what with Timmy and everything
00:09:26I had a lot on me mind today
00:09:28Oh, I bet
00:09:29Not only on your mind
00:09:30Don't be like that
00:09:31Well, my friends get around too, you know
00:09:33They see a lot of your ladder
00:09:35But not so much of you
00:09:36Rosie, sometimes I've got to be sociable
00:09:40You don't think I like drinking all them cups of tea, do you?
00:09:42It's part of building up the business, Rosie
00:09:46I'm doing it all for you, love
00:09:48Oh, all right
00:09:52I'll forgive you
00:09:53All right
00:09:54But watch it
00:09:56Because Sidney Nugget
00:09:58One extra marital
00:10:00And I'll cut it off
00:10:02Don't answer it
00:10:08They've probably come about the telly
00:10:10What, ain't it working?
00:10:11Yes
00:10:12Dad won't pay the installments
00:10:13Because he can't get colour
00:10:14I keep telling him
00:10:15It's a black and white set
00:10:17Oh, it is, Dad
00:10:18So what's the matter with this key?
00:10:20He's got his arms full
00:10:22Oh, gold
00:10:23More colourful crap
00:10:25Here
00:10:34Harpoon it yourself, did you?
00:10:38Oh, bloody hell
00:10:39Oh, God
00:10:48What's left on the Pullman Express?
00:10:54Look nice over the fire, won't it?
00:10:56Look better, won't it?
00:10:57Don't ask for your opinion
00:10:58Now, don't you two start
00:11:00Now, hang on a minute
00:11:01I've got some rights here
00:11:02There's a regular rent payer
00:11:03Rent?
00:11:04He doesn't even pay our window cleaner
00:11:06Oh, give over, Dad
00:11:07Sid's told you why he doesn't do our windows
00:11:09Right, it's bad to bring your work home
00:11:12It only causes trouble
00:11:13You can't clean your own like a psychiatrist
00:11:16Never treats his own family
00:11:17Oh, I don't interfere in your business
00:11:19I don't try and tell me what to do with my moose
00:11:21Sid?
00:11:22Oh, come on
00:11:24Dad, I'm a Sony kidney
00:11:25I think he's great
00:11:26Do you?
00:11:27Sure
00:11:28We'll call him Clarence
00:11:29Clarence?
00:11:31Good evening, Clarence
00:11:32And what do you think of Dad?
00:11:35I think he's a stupid old git
00:11:38You think he's a stupid old git?
00:11:40That's funny
00:11:41Yeah, well, I still think you're nothing
00:11:42But a no-good sponge
00:11:44Now, now
00:11:47Your Dad didn't mean it
00:11:49Say you're sorry, Dad
00:11:50All right
00:11:51I'm sorry
00:11:52He said he's sorry, Rosie
00:11:55It's not him
00:11:56Well, I said I was sorry
00:11:59It's not you
00:12:00What is it, dear?
00:12:02That bloody thing's leering at me
00:12:04I don't know that
00:12:06You'll break his antlers
00:12:07Yeah, but what's this professional opinion bit?
00:12:12You're not taking me to a doctor, are you?
00:12:15Lil's not a doctor
00:12:16But she's certainly a specialist
00:12:17Who's Lil?
00:12:19My very obliging
00:12:20Second-removed cousin
00:12:21Lily Namor
00:12:22The biggest sensation since natural years
00:12:25Still got a blue bow tie to it
00:12:27Has he now?
00:12:28Please, Sid
00:12:29Well, drink up and tell Lil all about it
00:12:31Oh, Lil
00:12:32Lil
00:12:33You're a doll
00:12:35And you're a bastard
00:12:36Sid, where are you going?
00:12:39Sid, where are you going?
00:12:41To get some chocolate fudge
00:12:42Fudge
00:12:43I won't bite
00:12:50Relax
00:12:51I can't relax
00:12:51I'll all be back in a minute
00:12:52Not as long as that music's playing
00:12:54Is my hand cold?
00:13:13No, it was just that you were
00:13:14Well, hello
00:13:17You've left me
00:13:26Oh, I'm sorry
00:13:27You got overexcited
00:13:30Yes, yes, that's what it was, yes
00:13:32We're not doing too well, are we?
00:13:40No
00:13:40Would it help if I wore the line tamer's gear?
00:13:44No, I don't know what's come over me
00:13:46Well, it isn't me
00:13:48Now that's better
00:14:02That was terrific, Lil
00:14:14Absolutely terrific
00:14:16I'm glad, Timmy
00:14:18But there's something you ought to know
00:14:19Yes
00:14:20I mean, I don't want you to go through life with a fetish
00:14:24What do you mean?
00:14:26You've just had my suspender belt
00:14:27Another night of mad passionate failure
00:14:52All that and the fetish bit
00:14:54I mean, imagine having to say to a bird
00:14:56Sorry, love
00:14:57I can only get it together if you wear gumboots and a gas mask
00:15:00Oh, and also, would you mind terribly if I had a feather up me ass?
00:15:03I never thought of myself as being unnatural
00:15:07Bloody unlucky, yes
00:15:09But not unnatural
00:15:10Timothy gets terribly confused when it comes to sex
00:15:13Here's a list of today's jobs
00:15:18I'm starting you off with another chance
00:15:19Not with Lil
00:15:20You won't be seeing Lil again, not if she sees you first
00:15:23Mrs. Jacqueline Brown
00:15:25No, 47 Lindhurst
00:15:26Right, Bluebeard
00:15:27She's a bit of an info
00:15:29And if you fail there, you may as well buy a bacon slicer and join the Vienna Boys Choir
00:15:33Come on, son, get it off
00:15:54Here, come on
00:15:56Sid
00:16:04Morning, Jackie
00:16:05You're early
00:16:05Yeah, sorry, love
00:16:06Had to rearrange the schedule
00:16:07At least you get done before the rain
00:16:10Oh, I'm breaking in some new help
00:16:14Since when did you need help?
00:16:15Well, you know how things are
00:16:16You've got to expand
00:16:17And is this the expansion?
00:16:19Yeah, me new mate, Timmy
00:16:20Nice to meet you, Timmy
00:16:21Me too
00:16:22He hasn't had much experience yet
00:16:24But I'm sort of letting him feel his way around
00:16:27With a few understanding customers
00:16:28You were always thoughtful, Sid
00:16:30Yeah
00:16:31Well, I'll leave him to get on with it then
00:16:33Won't I be seeing you again?
00:16:35Oh, sure
00:16:35I'll be in and out
00:16:36Now and then
00:16:38Good job now, Timmy
00:16:39Oh
00:16:40Right
00:16:40Right
00:16:41You won't be needing that inside
00:16:44The rooms are quite small
00:16:45Oh, yes, of course
00:16:46Sorry, madam
00:16:47Oh, it's so humid today
00:17:04Aren't you hot?
00:17:07Yes, you are
00:17:08You're sweating
00:17:09Yes, I am a bit, yes
00:17:11How about a cold drink?
00:17:14Some tea or coffee?
00:17:15Oh, I'm easy
00:17:16I wouldn't have thought so
00:17:19Er, oh, well
00:17:21A coat would be fine, yes
00:17:22One coat coming up
00:17:24Yes, well
00:17:30I think I'd better get started
00:17:33What's the rush?
00:17:35You aiming to be the fastest window cleaner in the West?
00:17:38No, I just thought
00:17:39Look, just sit down and have your drink first
00:17:42Right
00:17:43I hope you're not in such a hurry about everything
00:17:50I won't join you
00:18:01I have to watch my figure
00:18:03Oh, must have plenty of company
00:18:05Oh, I see you're another, Sid
00:18:07Oh, no, not quite, no
00:18:09Are you married?
00:18:10Oh, you're joking
00:18:11You?
00:18:12Mm-hmm
00:18:12He's abroad with the services
00:18:14Oh, what's in?
00:18:15Anything that moves
00:18:17No, I'm being unkind
00:18:19He's in the Navy
00:18:20So you can't blame him
00:18:22Or us
00:18:24Oh, God, quick
00:18:27The window
00:18:28There's one over the thing
00:18:29Right
00:18:29Don't worry, Wilson, we'll soon clear out
00:18:43Oh, Mum, I'm sorry
00:18:51I'm afraid I've made a mess
00:18:54Already?
00:18:54Er, no, you see, I've upset the, er...
00:18:57Mm-mm-mm-mm
00:18:58Mm-mm-mm
00:18:59Err
00:18:59Well, Jackie had certainly taught me how to come clean
00:19:27Now I know what they mean by the ultimate detergent
00:19:30Talk about soft hands and forever blowing bubbles
00:19:33Taught me something else, too
00:19:35It's just like learning to ride a bike
00:19:38Once you find you can stay up
00:19:39There's no problem
00:19:40In fact, right there and then
00:19:42I could have won the Tour de France
00:19:44Ladder and all
00:19:45Hello
00:19:57Oh, hi
00:19:58Hard at it?
00:19:59Yeah, on and off
00:20:00Yes
00:20:00You'd better pull over
00:20:01Oh, right
00:20:02Sorry, mate
00:20:04Oh, God
00:20:10What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?
00:20:14Complete accident, sir
00:20:15Yes, well, I should want your name and address
00:20:17Oh, fair enough, yes
00:20:18Er, I'd clean them, too
00:20:20Please, you must move out of the road
00:20:22Oh, right
00:20:23Are you all right, sir?
00:20:25No, thanks to him
00:20:26Sorry about that
00:20:31I'm afraid I shall have to take a few particulars
00:20:33Fabulous
00:20:34Name?
00:20:36Timmy
00:20:36Timmy what?
00:20:38Lee
00:20:38And yours?
00:20:40Oh, I mean, I can't go through life calling you WPC-49, can I?
00:20:44Radlet
00:20:45Elizabeth Radlet
00:20:46Address?
00:20:47Scraggs Lane, 63
00:20:48Er, will you come to the movies tonight?
00:20:52Are you trying to bribe me?
00:20:55Yes
00:20:56Then I accept
00:20:58Yahoo!
00:21:05What a day
00:21:05With this kind of luck, I could even so return
00:21:08against a kamikaze pilot
00:21:09I could hardly wait for me next client
00:21:12Miss Prendergast
00:21:13A new customer, Sir Sid said to take it easy
00:21:15Now?
00:21:18Now
00:21:19Oh, thank you
00:21:21It's a mattress that makes it so heavy
00:21:23It'd be even heavier if we were on it
00:21:25Now I can finish my housework
00:21:26Before I go out
00:21:27I'm afraid my daily has gone off with a hernia
00:21:30Ah, well, my auntie went off with a Lithuanian
00:21:32Ah
00:21:32Ah, no, I've dropped me leather
00:21:36Do you know who you remind me of?
00:21:38Humphrey Bogart
00:21:39Taking the mickey?
00:21:41No, it's your body
00:21:42You haven't seen my body?
00:21:45I mean the way you walk
00:21:47You mean the way he held Lauren Bacall in to have
00:21:57And to have not
00:21:59If you want anything
00:22:01Whistle
00:22:02You can fill your bucket in there
00:22:07Oh
00:22:08Yes, ma'am
00:22:10You a movie fan, then?
00:22:16I see all the old stuff on the telly
00:22:18Well, I do as much as possible when I'm not teaching
00:22:20Oh, get away
00:22:21What do you teach?
00:22:22Biology
00:22:23Oh, wish I was in your class
00:22:25You don't have to be cadent
00:22:26I wouldn't say it unless I really meant it
00:22:28In fact, you remind me a bit of Marilyn Monroe
00:22:31In these glasses
00:22:32Now you're taking the mickey
00:22:34No, really
00:22:35In that film where she was short-sighted
00:22:36How to marry a millionaire?
00:22:37Yeah
00:22:38I find you very attractive, Miss Prendergast
00:22:43And I want to kiss you
00:22:44Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate
00:22:46It was Mrs. Robinson
00:22:48So?
00:22:54I don't know how to put this
00:22:55I mean, I'm rather shy and I hardly know you
00:22:58Don't worry, love
00:22:58I'm way ahead of you
00:22:59Would you see if you can fix the flush in the bathroom?
00:23:04The flush?
00:23:05I'd hate you to think I was taking advantage
00:23:07But sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't
00:23:09Oh
00:23:11Yeah
00:23:12Thank you
00:23:13Have a go
00:23:14Meanwhile, if you don't mind
00:23:16I'll go and get ready
00:23:17Oh, this was a puzzler, no mistake
00:23:21Get ready for what?
00:23:23I'd feel such a bird bursting in starkers
00:23:27Only to find her dress to go shopping
00:23:29I was getting confused again
00:23:31Birds are funny things, you know
00:23:34One minute they give you the no, no, you mustn't bit
00:23:37Then suddenly it's yes, yes, you certainly must
00:23:39You're handy bugger
00:23:40Should be all right now
00:23:50I, er
00:23:51Er, to adjust the bullcock
00:23:55I wish I was clever with my hands
00:23:57Bet you could be if you tried
00:24:02No, no, he mustn't
00:24:05He's wicked
00:24:05Oh, it's not what Lorraine Bacall said
00:24:08Hello
00:24:16They let me off early
00:24:17Oh
00:24:18Morning
00:24:19Morning
00:24:21Oh, you're sitting there
00:24:23And, er, don't worry about the payment
00:24:25We'll send an account
00:24:26Thank you
00:24:26Extraordinary way to clean windows
00:24:30Oh, he'll come back and do the rest later
00:24:32No, I mean, he was cleaning them with a pair of knickers
00:24:35Knickers?
00:24:48How's that?
00:24:49Bloody marvellous
00:24:50Bloody horrible
00:24:51Just hope it doesn't affect the baby, that's all
00:24:54Evening up
00:24:56There
00:24:59Didn't forget this time, did I?
00:25:02Oh, you are good to me
00:25:03But I said pineapple
00:25:05Pineapple
00:25:06Never mind
00:25:07It's a thought that counts
00:25:08Rosie, you distinctly said
00:25:10It's not in the centre
00:25:11Yes, it is
00:25:12Oh, God
00:25:15You know what you can do, don't you?
00:25:17Sid, can I ask you a big favour?
00:25:19It depends
00:25:19Here, how'd it go today?
00:25:20Oh, you would have been proud of me, Sid?
00:25:22Yeah
00:25:22Er, can I borrow the minivan tonight?
00:25:25What for?
00:25:25Very special date
00:25:26Not with one of my customers
00:25:28Of course not
00:25:29Because that would be hardy
00:25:30I'd have to go
00:25:31Our window cleaner's struck off
00:25:34You see, she's off duty tonight
00:25:35And I thought if I could pick her up
00:25:36Hang on a minute, off duty?
00:25:37You mean Fanny the Fuzz?
00:25:40Her name is Elizabeth
00:25:41I don't care if it's Sherlock Holmes
00:25:44You can't bring her back here
00:25:45Why not?
00:25:46She's a nice girl
00:25:47Nice girl?
00:25:47She's a copper
00:25:48I still don't see why I can't bring her back
00:25:50Because most of this lot's probably on the list
00:25:52That's why
00:25:53Sure
00:25:53Now what are we fighting about?
00:25:56Timmy's got himself involved with the law
00:25:57Timmy, what have you done?
00:25:59Nothing, Mum
00:25:59Just because I've got a date with a girl
00:26:01That happens to be a policewoman
00:26:02Policewoman?
00:26:05Oh
00:26:05She's a smashing bird, Mum
00:26:07Intelligent
00:26:07Well-spoken
00:26:08Oh, yeah
00:26:09She's passed all her cross-examinations
00:26:11Well, you can all relax
00:26:12Because I'm not bringing her back
00:26:13Oh, I think that's wise, dear
00:26:15We don't want to refurnish
00:26:17Oh, and I won't be in for grub
00:26:20Oh, right
00:26:21Take your bucket, then
00:26:23Shouldn't be in here
00:26:25Hello
00:26:26What's this?
00:26:28Well, from memory, I'd say
00:26:29There were a pair of knickers
00:26:30They're for his collection
00:26:34Collection?
00:26:35Didn't you know your son's the demon
00:26:37Knicker-Nicker-Nicker of Scrags Lane
00:26:38Why don't you belt up?
00:26:40It's not true
00:26:41Timmy
00:26:41Of course it's not
00:26:43It's having you on
00:26:43All right
00:26:45If you're also interested
00:26:46Bought them
00:26:48You bought knickers?
00:26:50He's dead kinky, too
00:26:51Disgusting
00:26:52Go on
00:26:53Drop your trousers
00:26:54Show them what you're wearing
00:26:55I bought them for a girlfriend
00:26:56Is it a crime to be found with the burnickers, eh?
00:26:59Not if you're a window cleaner
00:27:01And what is that supposed to mean?
00:27:03Well, if the cap fits
00:27:04Quick, Ambrose
00:27:10It's coming
00:27:11Wind
00:27:16Wind
00:27:20Wind
00:27:22Wind
00:27:25Wind
00:27:27Wind
00:27:28Wind
00:27:30Oh, my God.
00:28:00I'm going to have to put you in handcuffs.
00:28:20I don't know. You can't win, can you? You make a pass. It's wrong. You don't make a pass. You've insulted them.
00:28:27Who's them?
00:28:28You wouldn't mind a thing I didn't fancy you, would you?
00:28:31No, and I'm glad you do. It's just that there's a proper time and a proper place.
00:28:35Yeah, but what happens when you've got the time, we can't afford the place.
00:28:38Timmy, it's not a question of money. It's just getting to know each other.
00:28:42That's what I was trying to do.
00:28:43You're sweet, but you're impossible.
00:28:47That's what Sid says. Impossible, I mean.
00:28:50And you're too good for that sort of job.
00:28:52What's wrong with cleaning windows?
00:28:54Well, nothing. But you should be doing something a little more, a little more rewarding.
00:29:00Such as?
00:29:00Well, you'd, uh, make a good policeman.
00:29:05If you thought about it seriously.
00:29:13What's so funny?
00:29:14Well, the family. If I told them I was going to be a copper, they'd go berserk.
00:29:17What's wrong with being a copper?
00:29:19Well, nothing. It's all right for some, I suppose, if you're the officious type or something.
00:29:22Oh, well, thanks a lot.
00:29:25Oh, I didn't mean you.
00:29:27I think it's time I went home now, anyway.
00:29:29Liz.
00:29:30Liz.
00:29:31You don't have to drive me. I can get a can.
00:29:33Of course I'll drive you.
00:29:35Liz! Liz!
00:29:36Excuse me, sir. One pound, please.
00:29:39Oh, yes.
00:29:40Liz, Liz, wait a minute.
00:29:42Uh, excuse me, sir. Pick it up, please.
00:29:46Without service.
00:29:50Now.
00:30:01I've enjoyed it, Timmy. Really, I have.
00:30:07Trust me, to put my big, flat foot in it.
00:30:10Oh, I didn't mean you were kind.
00:30:12I know what you meant.
00:30:14Would I come in for a good night, huh?
00:30:16Oh, would I?
00:30:17Oh, yes!
00:30:25Sir.
00:30:28How many of you live here?
00:30:30Just me and my parents.
00:30:31Oh, early to bed is, eh?
00:30:33No, they're out of one of Daddy's dinners.
00:30:35What's your, uh, Dad do, then?
00:30:37He's an inspector.
00:30:39Income tax?
00:30:40Police.
00:30:40Yeah.
00:30:41He's not that frightening.
00:30:43Well, won't he mind me being here, then?
00:30:45Well, why should he?
00:30:46Any more than your parents would object to me.
00:30:50So, you see, Timmy, if ever you did decide to change jobs,
00:30:52I might be able to help.
00:30:59Timmy, I'm talking to you.
00:31:03Oh, Liz.
00:31:09Hi, don't panic.
00:31:11Are you in, Elizabeth?
00:31:12Yes, Mummy.
00:31:14Oh, I didn't know you had company.
00:31:17Oh, Mummy, this is Timmy.
00:31:18Oh, how nice.
00:31:19Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Vanland.
00:31:21How long has that van been outside?
00:31:23Oh, it's mine, sir.
00:31:25Oh, is it?
00:31:25Yes, sir.
00:31:26Yeah, well, the tires are worn.
00:31:27It really shouldn't be on the road at all.
00:31:29I'm sorry, sir.
00:31:30Hmm.
00:31:32Have you been in a fight?
00:31:34No, sir.
00:31:35Why is your mouth bleeding?
00:31:37Um, how was the dinner, Daddy?
00:31:39Oh, absolutely dreadful.
00:31:41Chief Constable's got verbal diarrhea.
00:31:43I need a brandy.
00:31:44Well, how about Mr...
00:31:45Oh, no, thanks.
00:31:46I have to be going.
00:31:47Timmy just dropped me home from the movies.
00:31:49How nice.
00:31:51I take it you're conversant with the tire test.
00:31:53Tire test?
00:31:54Yes, you put a coin in the tread
00:31:57and if it falls out, the tire's illegal.
00:32:00Oh, I'll do that, sir.
00:32:01Yeah.
00:32:02And I should put some Dettol on your mouth, Fabio.
00:32:04Oh, yes, I'll do that too, sir.
00:32:06Uh, good night, ma'am.
00:32:09Oh, yes, well, good night.
00:32:11So nice.
00:32:14She's lying, of course.
00:32:15Lying?
00:32:15Oh, yes.
00:32:17You can't get all that blood around your mouth
00:32:18unless you've been in a fight.
00:32:20It wasn't blood, John.
00:32:22It was lipstick.
00:32:24Zipstick?
00:32:24Oh, Christ, is he one of those?
00:32:29I take it you're all so conversant
00:32:32with the cost of four bloody tires.
00:32:34Only you could screw your way into a fuzz nest.
00:32:38How was I to know about her, old man?
00:32:39Well, you better pull your finger out, son,
00:32:40and get some new clients to pay for this lot.
00:32:43And I don't mean Scotland Yard, the old bailey, or MI5.
00:32:49What Sid didn't know was
00:32:51that the only thing I'd screwed out of Elizabeth
00:32:52was another date.
00:32:55As for the job, well,
00:32:56it was a relief to find that some people
00:32:57only expected the window cleaner to clean windows.
00:32:59And I don't know if it was a man.
00:33:00Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:33:04Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
00:33:36Well, while there was never a dull moment, and mostly it was a good, healthy outdoor life,
00:33:45there were times when I felt the job was getting on top of it.
00:33:47By that, Brenda, who needs money?
00:33:52Oh, yes. And what do you think you're going to do?
00:33:55You, Brenda, you.
00:33:56Well, you've got another thing coming. And get off any marshmallows.
00:34:00Oh, now, Brenda, you know how I feel about you.
00:34:03Oh, yes, with your clammy hands.
00:34:05Now, look, I'm warning you.
00:34:06Oh, come on, Brenda.
00:34:08Right, you ask for this.
00:34:10How would you like to meet my husband?
00:34:18What? What is it? What?
00:34:20All right, you can come out now.
00:34:22Come out?
00:34:28Oh, hello.
00:34:28Hello.
00:34:28Hello.
00:34:29Hello.
00:34:34Hasn't gone for a gun, has he?
00:34:39Brenda, for God's sake.
00:34:40Oh, you thought that he was my husband.
00:34:43What?
00:34:43And he thought that you were.
00:34:46You mean he wasn't your husband?
00:34:48He was the landlord. That's the way he likes his rent.
00:34:51You wicked cow.
00:34:53Sid had warned me about the next call.
00:34:59Villiers' house.
00:35:02Hi, gee, mad, he said.
00:35:03Wipe your feet.
00:35:04Newspapers on the carpet.
00:35:06And you even have to wash your hands before you touch the soap.
00:35:09In fact, Sid said better be safe.
00:35:11Don't touch anything.
00:35:13And certainly not Mrs Villiers.
00:35:14Because her old man owned this block of flats we serviced.
00:35:16Oh, hello.
00:35:30Uh, window cleaner.
00:35:31Please?
00:35:32Uh, windows.
00:35:33Ah, Mrs Villiers has instructed me to let you do it.
00:35:37Oh, did she now?
00:35:44Will you start up or down, please?
00:35:47Oh, that's up to Mrs Villiers.
00:35:48Oh, it's no matter.
00:35:49She isn't on.
00:35:50Oh, well, I think I'd like to start at the top and work my way down.
00:35:54Top, okay.
00:35:57Oh.
00:36:01Mrs. Top, no shoes here.
00:36:03You're kissing?
00:36:04Oh, no, it is so there's no dirt for her feet.
00:36:07Ah, and Mrs Villiers say to use newspapers.
00:36:09Oh, she sounds like a riot king to me.
00:36:12Yeah.
00:36:13What about that mirror, eh?
00:36:14Ah, Mrs Villiers likes to see everything.
00:36:16Oh, you mean it's a two-way.
00:36:19Please?
00:36:20A two-way mirror.
00:36:21You know, one way you look in and the other way you look out.
00:36:25Oh, I'm sorry.
00:36:25My English.
00:36:27Ah.
00:36:27Well, say you and me were having it.
00:36:30They'll not say that.
00:36:32No, suppose you were lying there, Starkers, and...
00:36:35I'll start the windows.
00:36:37Okay.
00:36:38Ah, a moment.
00:36:39It's good.
00:36:46Oh, it's very good.
00:36:48Good.
00:36:49Also, she said to cover books.
00:36:52Oh, I should have wore gloves for this job.
00:36:54Mrs Villiers like everything very clean.
00:36:56Hey, she is kinky.
00:36:58Look at this.
00:36:59Body discipline.
00:37:00It's whips and things, isn't it?
00:37:01No, it's yoga.
00:37:03She is big yoga doer.
00:37:06Naked yoga.
00:37:09Naked yoga?
00:37:10It's better with free body.
00:37:12You mean you do this?
00:37:13Of course.
00:37:14The toe hold.
00:37:16Sit.
00:37:16Sit.
00:37:17Oh, sit.
00:37:18Uh-huh.
00:37:21First, you do so.
00:37:24So?
00:37:25Come.
00:37:26Me?
00:37:27Sit.
00:37:27Now, sew.
00:37:41And sew.
00:37:44Ow.
00:37:50Ow.
00:37:54You try again.
00:37:55Try again.
00:37:56I can't move.
00:37:56I've got rigor mortis.
00:37:58Oh, it's because you are not yet circulating.
00:38:00Look, I think I should go and circulate those windows.
00:38:03Ah, but first we must unclamp you.
00:38:05Mrs Villiers will not like if you fall off the ladder.
00:38:07Yeah, well, the idea doesn't grab me much either.
00:38:09So.
00:38:14This is for circulating your head.
00:38:16Without clothes, of course.
00:38:17Oh.
00:38:18Oh.
00:38:18So, it's good.
00:38:32It's releasing all tension.
00:38:34You speak for yourself.
00:38:36Makes blood to the head.
00:38:38It's the best cure.
00:38:39Come on.
00:38:40Oh, watch it.
00:38:41I had a little bit of zip trouble yesterday.
00:38:42Okay, you do it.
00:38:44All right.
00:38:45Uh, don't blame me if this gets bigger than bad things.
00:38:47Maybe this is easier for you.
00:38:49Uh, couldn't we just lie on the bed and meditate?
00:39:00Oh, the bed.
00:39:00It's a good idea.
00:39:01Oh.
00:39:02Like so.
00:39:04Oh.
00:39:04And I hold your legs up.
00:39:06Oh, calm.
00:39:07You're spoiled by clothes.
00:39:08Yes.
00:39:09Well, I'd rather be sport than do myself an injury.
00:39:12Right.
00:39:13Let's, uh, hold on.
00:39:17Oh, I hope I'm not sick on a carpet.
00:39:21Very quiet.
00:39:22Balance.
00:39:24Concentrate.
00:39:25I am.
00:39:26I count three and I let go.
00:39:28One, two.
00:39:30How dare you.
00:39:32Oh.
00:39:33Oh, but I was just, um.
00:39:34Get off my bed at once.
00:39:36And you, get out.
00:39:38Uh, no.
00:39:38Yes, ma'am.
00:39:39Uh, sorry, ma'am.
00:39:40I was, uh, she was only relieving my intentions.
00:39:42Out.
00:39:43Out.
00:39:44Yeah.
00:39:46I'll speak to you later, Ingrid.
00:39:48Yes, ma'am.
00:39:49Forgot my ladder.
00:39:51I said, get out.
00:39:52But my ladder.
00:39:53You don't get out of this house.
00:39:54I shall call the police.
00:39:55Out of this house.
00:39:57Yes, ma'am.
00:39:58And put a clean cover on my bed immediately.
00:40:00Immediately.
00:40:01You come back here, no ladder, no bucket, no shoes and socks, and you tell me it's because
00:40:15you've got cramped.
00:40:16What are you?
00:40:17Some sort of congenial idiot or something.
00:40:19It was this naked yoga bit, see?
00:40:21You realise old man Billiards will probably cancel our whole office contract.
00:40:25Oh, I'm sure if you went round and apologised.
00:40:26Me?
00:40:27Was I standing on me head half-knackers naked?
00:40:29I was wearing me shorts.
00:40:30I don't care if you was wearing a frog suit.
00:40:34No, I meant apologise for me, sis.
00:40:37I mean, when it comes to charm, Jack, no one's more experienced than you.
00:40:41Yeah, well, I suppose if you look at it that way.
00:40:44Right.
00:40:47I need my bloody head examined.
00:40:49Come on.
00:40:49Oh, could we stop off and get me some shoes first?
00:41:00Oh, no.
00:41:09What are you standing there for?
00:41:11Come on.
00:41:25Ah, Mrs. Phyllis.
00:41:27I've come round here in person to apologise for the inexcusable behaviour of my young brother-in-law here.
00:41:33Basically, he's a good boy.
00:41:35Honest, kind to animals, and his parents.
00:41:39But emotionally, he's a shade retarded.
00:41:42However, I feel sure that someone of your warmth,
00:41:45your intuitive grasp of the situation facing young people today,
00:41:50will have no difficulty in deciding that this was just a childish escapade.
00:41:57Have you finished, Mr. Noggett?
00:41:59I have indeed, Mrs. Phyllis.
00:42:02And what have you got to say?
00:42:04Oh, I agree.
00:42:07Oh, oh, I mean, I'll do anything to make up for it.
00:42:10Then the incident is closed.
00:42:12And you may proceed with the windows.
00:42:15Thank you, Mr. Noggett.
00:42:17Thank you, Mrs. Phyllis.
00:42:20No, leave those things out there.
00:42:22You can come in and fix up a lightbulb for me first.
00:42:24A lightbulb?
00:42:25Oh, yes, of course.
00:42:26And wipe your feet.
00:42:27Then come into the house.
00:42:35There's a broken one down in the cellar.
00:42:36Oh, right.
00:42:44Oh, it's the coal cellar.
00:42:46The light's up there on the left-hand wall.
00:42:47Oh.
00:42:47Ah, we need something to stand up.
00:42:55That's all good.
00:43:00Must say, I never thought of you in a coal cellar.
00:43:03And how did you think of me?
00:43:04Well, you like everything so clean, don't you?
00:43:05You have a firm young body.
00:43:18Oh, no.
00:43:19The top's come off.
00:43:21Look, the bar.
00:43:22Ah!
00:43:22Oh, I'm sorry.
00:43:31It sort of came off in my hands.
00:43:34You're just a dirty little boy, aren't you?
00:43:36Oh, don't worry.
00:43:37It's only coal.
00:43:38Oh, uh...
00:43:39Look, look.
00:43:39Here, let me put it on for you.
00:43:40Stay where you are.
00:43:42You're filthy.
00:43:44Oh, rinse off.
00:43:46You're not going to walk through my house like that.
00:43:48Oh, of course not.
00:43:48I'll take my shoes off.
00:43:50You'll take your clothes off.
00:43:52Pardon?
00:43:54Every stitch.
00:43:55Off.
00:43:57Then we'll give you a bath.
00:43:59Oh, now, wait a minute.
00:44:01All I need is a tap.
00:44:02I mean, there must be one in the garthens.
00:44:03I hope you're not going to cause me more trouble.
00:44:04No, of course not.
00:44:05All I'm saying is, if we put newspapers on the carpet,
00:44:07surely that'll be all right.
00:44:08Are you refusing to take a bath?
00:44:09Yes.
00:44:09No, I'll take one when I get home.
00:44:13Oh, well.
00:44:15If you're going to behave like a child,
00:44:17you'll just have to treat you like one.
00:44:19Oh, well, what are you doing?
00:44:21I'm undressing you.
00:44:23Oh, you're not.
00:44:23Get off.
00:44:39I bring the presents from the mystical shores of a distant land.
00:44:43Are you smashed again?
00:44:45Oh, Rosie, that's not nice when he's remembered your pineapple.
00:44:48Thanks, Mum.
00:44:50Send me back here.
00:44:50He's up having a bath.
00:44:51Oh, yeah?
00:44:52Give us a kiss, then.
00:44:53Oh, that's better, isn't it?
00:44:54Oh, come on.
00:44:55Come on.
00:44:55Come on.
00:44:56Come on.
00:44:57Come on.
00:44:58It smells good.
00:44:59What is it?
00:44:59From the mystical shores of a distant land.
00:45:01Well, it's all this, then.
00:45:04Oh, what?
00:45:04The gear.
00:45:05We going to a party or something?
00:45:06No.
00:45:07It's just nice to dress up now and then.
00:45:10Wait a minute.
00:45:10What day is it?
00:45:14Wednesday.
00:45:15Why?
00:45:20He's been, then, has he?
00:45:22Who, dear?
00:45:22The window cleaner, that's who.
00:45:25So that's why you're all puffed up, is it?
00:45:28I don't know what you're on about.
00:45:30There's nothing wrong with window cleaners.
00:45:32You keep telling me.
00:45:34All right, all right.
00:45:35But I know that randy bastard that does this street.
00:45:38Really, Sydney?
00:45:39If you're inferring that I...
00:45:41Oh, that'd be Dad with another armful.
00:45:46It's not Dad.
00:45:47It's the law.
00:45:48Oh, my God.
00:45:49Now what?
00:45:50Ah, relax.
00:45:52It's only Timmy's bluebird.
00:46:06Hello.
00:46:07Sorry, Attaway.
00:46:08Sorry to call unannounced.
00:46:10Is Timmy in?
00:46:10He's having a bath.
00:46:11I can't ask him.
00:46:12The place has just been fumigated.
00:46:14Fumigated?
00:46:15Yeah, I had a plague of flying ants.
00:46:16Oh, how awful.
00:46:18Can I give him a message?
00:46:19Well, we had a date tonight, but as you can see, I've had to go on duty.
00:46:22Okay, I'll tell him.
00:46:23I'll see him tomorrow.
00:46:23Lucky it all in.
00:46:25You don't remember me, do you?
00:46:27You used to clean your school windows.
00:46:28As a matter of fact, I do remember.
00:46:31But I didn't think you did.
00:46:32Well, I didn't until just now.
00:46:33It's the way you said, how awful.
00:46:36How awful.
00:46:38So you haven't changed much since school, have I?
00:46:40Oh, I don't know.
00:46:41Well, good luck with the flying ants.
00:46:43Yeah.
00:46:44Yeah.
00:46:49Simo!
00:46:51What?
00:46:52I've got a message for you.
00:46:54Message?
00:46:55Christ.
00:46:57You've got Blackwater fever or something.
00:46:59Now, look, look.
00:46:59Have you ever been interfered with in a coal cellar?
00:47:01Interfered with?
00:47:02Mrs Villiers.
00:47:04Oh, no.
00:47:06I don't think it's funny.
00:47:08I'm sorry.
00:47:08What's the message?
00:47:12What's the message?
00:47:13Tonight, dates, tomorrow.
00:47:14Your coffee nickers is on duty.
00:47:17Just as well.
00:47:19Give me time to get the coal out of your white front.
00:47:21Oh, get it!
00:47:48Let's move on.
00:47:49Yeah.
00:47:55So.
00:48:26Liz! Liz!
00:48:32Bloody fool!
00:48:33I'm trying to look where you're going.
00:48:35I'm sorry, I'm just, uh...
00:48:37Well, never mind about that. Just come out of the way.
00:48:40Liz, I'm glad I found you.
00:48:42I don't think he was.
00:48:44So gave me your message. Tomorrow's fine. Where shall we go?
00:48:47Do you like spaghetti?
00:48:48Yeah.
00:48:48I'll cook you some.
00:48:50What, at your place?
00:48:52The family's dining out in the country.
00:48:54It is!
00:48:55Timmy!
00:48:56I'm on duty.
00:48:57I don't care, Liz. I just don't care. I've just got to kiss you.
00:49:04Timmy, control yourself.
00:49:07Message to all units.
00:49:08Disturbance outside discotheque 23 King Street.
00:49:11Repeat discotheque 23 King Street.
00:49:14Message in.
00:49:1549 preceding to King Street.
00:49:16Spaghetti bolognais at her place.
00:49:21Parents in Cowesville.
00:49:22Caw, what a turner.
00:49:25All next day I kept thinking of the evening to come.
00:49:28At last she was showing signs of succumbing to my irresistible magnetism.
00:49:33I mean, faced with my suave debonair charm, what chance did she stand?
00:49:36Who is it?
00:49:50Oh, it's Noggett's window cleaning. Good morning.
00:49:54Hello, I'm sorry. It's me again.
00:50:03Uh, would I need my ladder?
00:50:04No.
00:50:05Oh, it's after.
00:50:16Hello, me again.
00:50:17Uh, could you press the knob for me again?
00:50:19Ah, no, it's not Sid. I'm Timmy, his brother-in-law.
00:50:35Better identify myself. Can't be too careful these days, can you?
00:50:42Uh, where can I get me water?
00:50:45Oh, right.
00:50:49Those little pads you've got here?
00:51:18Oh, gold.
00:51:20Sorry about that. I'll get another one.
00:51:36Um, look, miss.
00:51:39I know it's none of my business, but if there's anything I can do...
00:51:42Don't touch me.
00:51:44Oh, okay, okay. I just thought I might help.
00:51:46How could you help?
00:51:47Well, I don't know what it is, do I?
00:51:50Have you ever been in love?
00:51:52Is that all? I thought it was something serious.
00:51:55Serious? I've given four years of my life to Ronnie.
00:51:58I've made a home cooked, clean, scrubbed, and all for what?
00:52:02So some bleached bitch, of course it's serious.
00:52:05Er, well, I wouldn't get in an uproar, girl. I mean, these things happen.
00:52:10Ronnie's a bastard.
00:52:11Yeah, well, it's probably a touch of the old four-year itch.
00:52:14Perhaps he needs shaking up a bit. A bit of his own medicine.
00:52:16What do you mean?
00:52:17What? Ronnie's made you jealous, right?
00:52:19You return the compliment.
00:52:20Do you really think it would work?
00:52:24It's worth a try. Nothing to lose, have you?
00:52:33What's Ronnie?
00:52:34Oh, well, I'd better get on with the windows, then.
00:52:39I'm going to take your advice.
00:52:41Good for you.
00:52:42Hey, that's terrific.
00:52:53It's a bed.
00:53:01Ah, hello, Mum?
00:53:03Look, I've run into a slight problem.
00:53:06Do you know where I can find Sid?
00:53:09What's he doing in hospital?
00:53:10Hello, Smiler.
00:53:13Hello, Smiler.
00:53:16Hey, listen to him.
00:53:17Hey, how long before you say Dada?
00:53:19We've decided not to tell him who you are until he's stronger.
00:53:23We're full of wit today, aren't we?
00:53:25He's got my eyes, you know.
00:53:27As long as it's only your eyes, he's all right.
00:53:29Oh, no, he's a beautiful little diddings that I...
00:53:33Oh, that's beautiful little diddings.
00:53:38Sorry.
00:53:40Oh, Rosie, congratulations.
00:53:42You too, Sid.
00:53:43Nine pounds, eight ounces.
00:53:44Oh.
00:53:45It's nice of you to come, Simmy.
00:53:47Bought these for you.
00:53:48Oh, look, Sidney.
00:53:50Weren't they lovely?
00:53:51Yeah.
00:53:52What's the matter with your eyes?
00:53:53Oh, nothing.
00:53:55Er, banged it on a wall.
00:53:57Give them to the nest, Sidney.
00:53:58She'll put them in water.
00:54:00She'll have to put them in splints.
00:54:01Oh, isn't he great?
00:54:02Looks just like it, Sid.
00:54:03I hope not.
00:54:04That's not our baby.
00:54:05Oh, well, it's back to the old treadmill, love.
00:54:10Timo can wait for a while.
00:54:11Mum's coming in after lunch.
00:54:12I'll see you later, then.
00:54:13Sober.
00:54:14Oh, she's full of quips today, eh?
00:54:16Hey, and for God's sake, don't let him hold the baby.
00:54:19It's sod's on, he'll drop him.
00:54:21Ta-da, nugget, ta-da.
00:54:23Ta-da, love.
00:54:24Ta-da.
00:54:27Oh, isn't he fantastic?
00:54:29I mean, I just thought of you as a great big lump.
00:54:33Oh, charming.
00:54:34No, no.
00:54:35No, no, what I meant is that I never thought about the baby being inside.
00:54:40It's amazing.
00:54:42Wait until you have one of your own.
00:54:47Yeah.
00:54:48Am I, am I, aren't I?
00:54:50Heh.
00:54:50Oh, that was fantastic.
00:55:00More?
00:55:00Oh, joking.
00:55:02I feel like Rosie did.
00:55:03Well, so long as it's only the spaghetti, we don't want you making medical history.
00:55:08Do you know something, Liz?
00:55:10What?
00:55:10I think you're the most smashing bird I've ever met.
00:55:14I don't exactly find you repulsive either.
00:55:17When you're not trying to emulate Sid.
00:55:19Oh, Sid's all right.
00:55:20Once you get to know him.
00:55:21I do know him.
00:55:22What?
00:55:23Met him when I was at school.
00:55:25You never told me.
00:55:27I didn't think he was that important.
00:55:29Did you, er...
00:55:30No, I didn't.
00:55:31But you fancied him?
00:55:33I went out with him once.
00:55:35But he lost three falls out of three.
00:55:37I don't know how glad I am, Liz.
00:55:49Do you like television?
00:55:54Television?
00:55:55There's a great Charlie Snow Garden concert on.
00:55:58Oh, that's nice.
00:55:59Unfortunately, the set down here's broken.
00:56:01Do you mind going upstairs?
00:56:03Upstairs?
00:56:04Yes, well, Mum and Dad have got a set at the bottom of their bed.
00:56:08Charlie Snow...
00:56:09Charlie Snow Garden.
00:56:10That's terrific.
00:56:11Only if you like his music, then.
00:56:13Love it.
00:56:14Especially when it's upstairs.
00:56:15¶¶
00:56:16¶¶
00:56:45No.
00:56:57Why not?
00:56:59Because I can't concentrate.
00:57:00¶¶
00:57:01Oh, hello, Mummy.
00:57:29No, I was just watching the telly.
00:57:32Yes?
00:57:34Oh, poor you.
00:57:36So that means you'll be staying the night, then?
00:57:39Oh, of course.
00:57:40It's not the first time I've been alone, is it?
00:57:42Okay, darling.
00:57:43You too.
00:57:45Their car's broken down.
00:57:48Oh.
00:57:52That's too bad.
00:57:53Now, Timmy, that doesn't mean...
00:57:55Oh, Liz, I want you more than ever.
00:57:57Oh, I know, Timmy.
00:57:58And it was wrong of me to let you go this far.
00:58:01Well, why, Liz?
00:58:03Because I don't want to be just another easy lay.
00:58:06But you're not an easy lay.
00:58:08I mean, but...
00:58:08Look, I don't want to sound old-fashioned, Timmy,
00:58:11but I have to be able to live with myself.
00:58:13I want to feel that when I finally get married...
00:58:16Well, why don't we?
00:58:21Timmy, is that a proposal?
00:58:23It's...
00:58:24Er...
00:58:25Yes.
00:58:27I suppose it is.
00:58:28What's she going to take it, living in your attic?
00:58:43Oh, that's another thing.
00:58:44Until we find a flat,
00:58:45our old man says we can stay there.
00:58:46What?
00:58:47In the police station?
00:58:49No, in their house.
00:58:50Oh, I think I'm going to lose my little baby boy.
00:58:56Oh, turn it up, Mum.
00:58:57He's not going to war.
00:58:59No, but it's the next best thing.
00:59:00Oh, well, thank you and goodbye, Sydney Nugget.
00:59:02Oh, come on.
00:59:03I was only kidding.
00:59:04It's a good idea.
00:59:05Give him a sense of responsibility.
00:59:07I think every man should have a wife.
00:59:09Hmm, preferably his own.
00:59:11Uh-huh.
00:59:12Is it going to be a church wedding?
00:59:14Yeah, but it's all right.
00:59:15They're taking care of everything.
00:59:17Can't wait to see Dad in the great supper.
00:59:19Hey, you're right.
00:59:21I should have to watch out for one of them.
00:59:49Oh, come on, for God's sake.
01:00:01Like trying to get a bunch of performing seals on the road.
01:00:04I can't find my gloves.
01:00:05What do you want gloves for?
01:00:06He's been married, not knighted.
01:00:07Mum!
01:00:09I think I'm going to cry.
01:00:11Oh, so am I, if I don't get you lost out of their roles.
01:00:15Oh, come on, love.
01:00:16Stop crying.
01:00:17You'll lose your eyelashes.
01:00:18Just get in there and relax, girl.
01:00:20Relax.
01:00:21Now, where the hell is Dad?
01:00:23Dad?
01:00:24Here.
01:00:25Not a bad fit, is it?
01:00:26Christ, you look like the cover of Butch Mail.
01:00:29Get in the car.
01:00:30Go on.
01:00:31Here, wait a minute.
01:00:32I've got to get me out.
01:00:33Timmy!
01:00:34I'm in the car, Zay.
01:00:36Hey, I'd better do that as well.
01:00:37Oh, go.
01:00:39I'm sure I've forgotten something.
01:00:41You've got everything but the bleeding wand.
01:00:43Get in the car.
01:00:44Oh, Sidney, you're so uncouthful.
01:00:46Oh, come on.
01:01:04All right, Dad?
01:01:06Here.
01:01:06Quick one for the road.
01:01:08Oh, I try, Dad.
01:01:09I'll get me tooth mug.
01:01:12Got butterflies in the whole tum.
01:01:13Right, the same thing, son.
01:01:14I think mine were bloody great bats.
01:01:19Right.
01:01:20Oh, here's to the first baby.
01:01:23Oh, turn it up, Dad.
01:01:24Don't rush it.
01:01:25Well, I shall never forget the day you were born.
01:01:28It was Guy Fawkes night, now.
01:01:29I know.
01:01:30How do you know?
01:01:31It's my birthday.
01:01:33Oh, yeah, yeah.
01:01:35All right, remember walking home from the hospital,
01:01:37all the rockets and the fireworks were going off.
01:01:40I remember wondering what you were going to be like.
01:01:42You know, what you were going to do.
01:01:43Oh, I never thought about marriage then.
01:01:46Oh, me neither.
01:01:47Dad, what the bloody hell are you doing?
01:01:50I'm toasting the bridegroom.
01:01:51I thought you was going for a peanut, piss-up.
01:01:54Here, go on.
01:01:54They're waiting for you downstairs.
01:01:55You're coming with me.
01:01:56Come on.
01:02:00Oh, God, now I want to go.
01:02:02Hey, wait for us in a minute.
01:02:03Hey.
01:02:03Hey.
01:02:03Hey.
01:02:03Hey.
01:02:03Hey.
01:02:03Hey.
01:02:03Hey.
01:02:04Hey.
01:02:04Hey.
01:02:04Hey.
01:02:04Hey.
01:02:04Hey.
01:02:05Hey.
01:02:05Hey.
01:02:05Hey.
01:02:06Hey.
01:02:06Hey.
01:02:07Hey.
01:02:07Hey.
01:02:08Hey.
01:02:09Hey.
01:02:10Hey.
01:02:11Hey.
01:02:11Hey.
01:02:12Hey, Fred.
01:02:15How about that for a nice piece of grummet, eh?
01:02:17What?
01:02:17What?
01:02:18See-through Charlie's and all.
01:02:21Yeah.
01:02:22Wonder if she was a lifter of Bristol.
01:02:24Her bristles don't need no lifting, mate.
01:02:25Ha ha.
01:02:26Come on.
01:02:26Give us a hand with this.
01:02:28You know, I often wonder why some of them bollock to wear anything at all these days.
01:02:32I'm glad they don't, mate.
01:02:33Ha ha.
01:02:34You wouldn't.
01:02:35Have a great work.
01:02:36Well, that's a fun little thing, eh.
01:02:36Come on.
01:02:39Everybody out.
01:02:42Oh, my god.
01:02:44Or maybe.
01:02:49I'll be like ...
01:02:50There she is.
01:02:51Right.
01:02:52Over it.
01:02:53Go on.
01:02:54Go on.
01:02:54Now, what?
01:02:54Go on.
01:02:55Go on.
01:02:56Go on.
01:02:56Go on.
01:02:57Go on.
01:02:58Go on.
01:02:58Go on.
01:02:59Go on.
01:03:00Go on.
01:03:01Go on.
01:03:01Go on.
01:03:01Go on.
01:03:02Go on.
01:03:03Go on.
01:03:05I'm glad you're all right.
01:03:26Afraid there'd been an accident.
01:03:28Well, we had to stop because Dad nearly had one.
01:03:30Lovely day for it.
01:03:31Better still if we've got the groom.
01:03:33He's right behind.
01:03:34Sid's bringing him.
01:03:47I can't understand it.
01:03:48He's such a dependable boy.
01:03:50If he says he's going to do something, he always does it.
01:03:53It's a little more than saying he's going to do something.
01:03:55He's going to get married.
01:03:58Here they come.
01:04:01About bleeding time, too.
01:04:02Dad!
01:04:03Well, bloody it.
01:04:04Where's Timmy, then?
01:04:13Well, I was hoping he was here.
01:04:14But you were bringing him.
01:04:15Yeah, but I lost him.
01:04:18Don't worry, love.
01:04:19Can't be far away.
01:04:20He's probably just like you.
01:04:28Yeah.
01:04:29Yeah.
01:04:29He's probably just like you.
01:04:32he's probably just lost his way dear here he comes
01:04:53i'm afraid that's the next wedding but we haven't finished this one yet
01:05:00i feel well over your time sir can't you slide us down one vicar well i might just squeeze you in at
01:05:06four o'clock if you think i'm sitting here until four o'clock no no no of course besides my men have
01:05:12to go on duty later on there are lots of criminals abroad you know not only abroad it's so unlike to
01:05:19me is it oh yes i mean i'm sure he hasn't eloped eloped madam tell me how many girls is he engaged
01:05:27to uh okay uh why don't we go back to the reception hall well mr knows where that is
01:05:33no no look you see reporting it to the engineers isn't going to get me married is it what
01:05:41hello
01:05:46no joy bloody reception hall phone's out of order
01:05:50one twenty including the phone um how far is it to london oh about uh sixty miles
01:06:04we still haven't served the wine sir now look i really don't think we should open the champagne
01:06:08until we've had the wedding quite right i'm only here for the beer anyway and i'm only here sir
01:06:14because your son is supposed to marry my daughter don't worry he'll be here yes of course he's been
01:06:19arrested well what would he be arrested for i don't know your mob don't always give a reason do they
01:06:24my mob as you call it no offense it's all right it's just a figure of speech i've got i've got a lot
01:06:30of respect for the police thank you yes anybody ever calls them bastards i always deny well i'm sure
01:06:34the commissioner will be most happy to know about that now if you'll excuse me i'd like a word with my
01:06:40wife well your health down the hatch oh oh john dear i was just telling mrs lee if timothy had been
01:06:48involved in an accident the police would be the first to hear about oh yes certainly certainly yes
01:06:52my mob have already checked the hospitals mind you he could have lost his memory or his nerve
01:06:59oh no he's plenty of nerve well you have to clean the windows timmy's like sydney he'll go up anything
01:07:10here we are ladies reinforcements oh sydney do you remember when you was an hour late for our
01:07:15wedding do i i broke the zip on me trousers yes well one hour is a little different to three hours oh
01:07:23oh god this baby's feeding time i gotta take these back right now come on then you can do it in style
01:07:30in the rolls oh i won't say au revoir because i'll see you again later darling why don't you go and
01:07:42have a little chat with aunt maizey she's in quite good form for a change i have nothing to say to aunt
01:07:47maizey yes but i don't like to see you sitting here all by yourself daddy do stop fussing i'm okay
01:07:52well johnny here do you know the one about the fella who gave up drink for the sake of his wife
01:08:01and kidneys hi i brought you some grubby getting sloshed when did you get soft yeah but you
01:08:19would still get up for something here apart from anything else i feel such a sweet in this wedding
01:08:24dress you look gorgeous stood up the bloody order me yeah well maybe it's for the best and what does
01:08:33that mean oh i don't honestly think timmy was ready for marriage so you told him to run for his life
01:08:38me christ no i was all for it okay i had my doubts to begin with but then i began to envy him
01:08:44well you're a very attractive woman liz if i wasn't married i'd be tempted myself and you really
01:08:52are a smooth bastard aren't you what do you say you can't even talk to a jilted bride without trying
01:08:58to pull her this was only commiseration i don't want commiseration i just want to get out of this
01:09:03bloody place in this bloody outfit so what's stopping you well they promised i but i've got my
01:09:09balance i don't run you i can't leave just like that now why not i'll come straight back here and tell
01:09:16them you had an attack of the vapors come on
01:09:46it could only happen to me i even get seasick looking at boats talk about getting to the church
01:10:01on time i'd probably turn up and throw up church i didn't even make the reception
01:10:08i thought of calling the house but i might have got her old man and a coin up me tread
01:10:20that's for me feet well they've worn them off they felt like the end of me legs turned up
01:10:25the house looks even darker than me matrimonial future they were either all asleep or inspector
01:10:39radliff was lurking behind the door with his truncheon in his hand
01:10:49a terrific wedding night everyone in bed but the groom
01:10:58and up there was me piece of nuptial bliss question was how could romeo
01:11:03get to juliet without his bleeding ladder
01:11:19i said i'm going to have to put you in handcuffs
01:11:47oh
01:12:01Let's go.
01:12:31Let's go.
01:12:33Let's go.
01:12:39No hard feelings then, Jimmy?
01:12:41Of course not, Sid. Probably saved me from a fate worse than death anyway.
01:12:44Well, I won't be up any ladders for a while.
01:12:46Not to worry, Sid. I've got it all fixed up. I've got a new boy starting tomorrow.
01:12:52And remember, in our business you've got to be immune from shocks, especially from birds.
01:12:58As long as they're satisfied customers, they bring in the new ones, right?
01:13:02Right.
01:13:03Right.
01:13:04If you ever want your windows cleaned.
01:13:14I live on a houseboat.
01:13:16Fair enough. I might even do your portal for nothing.
01:13:20This is your life, Jimmy Lee.
01:13:25It may not always turn out how you want it to be.
01:13:31But you'll get by, Jimmy Lee.
01:13:34Cause you're really not a loser, you just find it hard to win.
01:13:41Always getting into crazy situations, having trouble with romantical relations.
01:13:47You got the kind of touch that everyone would love to own.
01:13:52No simple life for you, it's always complicated.
01:13:56You date the girls you like, but somehow you seem faded.
01:13:59You spend your life loving all alone.
01:14:04This is your life, Jimmy Lee.
01:14:07It may not always turn out how you want it to be.
01:14:14But you'll get by, Jimmy Lee.
01:14:18Cause you're really not a loser, you just find it hard to win.
01:14:23No, you're really not a loser, you just find it hard to win.
01:14:28You just find it hard to win.