Taskmaster Australia S04E05
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00:00That's a shocking start.
00:04Tom!
00:12Yep, that's it.
00:14Where's Tom?
00:22No!
00:24I hate you.
00:27Let me out of here!
00:30Hello, welcome to Taskmaster.
00:40It's the wordy bit at the beginning of the show where I can say whatever the hell I want
00:45because most of you still haven't unmuted it from the ads yet.
00:48And that's why I'd like to say that I endorse the consumption of breast milk well into teenagehood,
00:53maybe even adulthood.
00:56Let's start the show.
00:57Jogging for my golden head trophy, which previous winners have described as a burden on baggage allowance,
01:03it's Dave Hughes.
01:05Emma Holland.
01:07Emma Holland.
01:09Lisa McKeown.
01:11Takashi Wakasugi.
01:13And Tommy Little.
01:15Hello!
01:17And next to me it's the guy who told me he thinks that him and Duke Nukem would be boys.
01:24It's Tom Cashman.
01:30Let's have a prize task please.
01:32That's right, our first task is a prize task.
01:34Each of our contestants have brought in a prize and the winner of tonight's episode will take home all five of those prizes.
01:39Tonight our contestants have been asked to bring in what they consider to be the most frustrating thing to be left on a desert island with.
01:45Alright, Emma, what have you got?
01:47Uh, a train replacement bus.
01:49So train replacement bus, you're on a desert island and there's that.
01:55Yeah, I imagine you're like hungry, like starving, thirsty, angry, like what is going to make that situation even more frustrating is...
02:05Okay, so it could have also just been a bus.
02:10No, but it's replacing the train.
02:12Oh, okay.
02:15But there is no train because you're on a desert island.
02:17Exactly, that's why the bus is there.
02:24Alright, Tommy.
02:25It's my gym membership.
02:29Because I think if all I had was that, I'd not only be trapped on a desert island,
02:33but every week I'd go, well, that's another $21.
02:38So you're just upset at the inefficiency and how it's affecting your budget.
02:42But also, I can't do literally anything with it.
02:45Like I've got a fob that gives me access to over a hundred locations around Australia.
02:52And I'm nowhere near any of it.
02:55Okay, it is pretty frustrating because you could use a replacement bus as shelter.
02:58Or you could also use it as a bus.
03:00I don't even know why we have to use the bus as other things at this point.
03:05Have you tried to get shelter under a fob?
03:07No, but Tommy, Tommy, you could shove that up your arse quite easily.
03:15How dare you think I haven't already?
03:17Uh, Waka, what about you?
03:21I bought a toilet.
03:23Not toilet.
03:24Airplane toilet.
03:26So you crash in a desert island, an airplane, and you find a toilet.
03:31And it is good, you know?
03:32Oh, you can use the toilet.
03:34But, airplane toilet, you have to listen the noise.
03:38Oh.
03:39That's frustration, do you think?
03:49To be honest, the noise hasn't really bothered me.
03:51You particularly don't like the noise.
03:53Too strong, do you think?
03:55But that sound is only cause of the vacuum effect from being at high altitude.
03:59If it's just on a desert island, it'll make no noise at all.
04:01It'll just go like this.
04:02So you don't have to worry.
04:05That's another frustration, because maybe I might miss the noise.
04:12Alright, okay, Dave.
04:14Yes.
04:15My object of frustration is a video camera, which I purchased about 15 years ago,
04:22and I never worked out how to use it, so I thought I'd bring it in,
04:25and, yeah, so that's why it's here.
04:27So...
04:30But you haven't worked out how to use it,
04:32and I reckon the reason why is because you haven't had enough spare time
04:35because you're so busy with your job.
04:36Yeah.
04:37You're on a desert island, you've got all the time in the world,
04:39I reckon you'd have plenty of time to work it out.
04:41Yeah, I know, but...
04:42Which would not be frustrating, it'd be satisfying.
04:44Yeah, but I wouldn't have electricity, so...
04:46It's got a battery.
04:51Yeah, but I would have forgotten to charge it before I came to the island.
04:54So, Lisa, what would you be frustrated at being left on a desert island with?
04:59A book with very, very small print.
05:03I now need glasses to read books,
05:05and I figured without my glasses I'd have a book, I'd have time,
05:09and I wouldn't be able to read it.
05:10That's very frustrating.
05:12Really frustrating.
05:13See, what I'm seeing is 150 pages of kindling.
05:16Yeah.
05:17Yeah.
05:18Or toilet paper.
05:19Lisa, I don't want to ask too personal questions,
05:21but wouldn't you just go in the water?
05:23I know.
05:24That's all the time.
05:25You know, like if you're fishing there and you see your floater go...
05:28I mean, there's so many issues with that.
05:30Yeah, but also, if someone rocks up and they find treasure island pages covered in shit,
05:35that's not a great walk either.
05:36But you're not going to leave it lying around.
05:38You'd bury it.
05:39Where are you going to put it?
05:40It's where the treasure comes in.
05:41All right, well, I'd better hand out some scores.
05:46Well, I think one has to go to Emma straight away,
05:50because you've got a whole replacement bus on the island.
05:52You can drive it, as Tommy pointed out, or you can sort of sleep in it.
05:55Then I'm going to say two points to Waka for the toilet,
05:58because, again, it can still be useful,
05:59and he's not going to be annoyed by that noise.
06:01Then I go three points to Lisa,
06:04because it's very frustrating not to be able to read the book,
06:07but still the pages can have other uses.
06:09A flat video camera is very useless.
06:11Four points to Husey,
06:12but a plastic tag that can't be used for anything at all,
06:15extremely frustrating.
06:16So five points to Tommy Little!
06:22OK, Tomber, frustrate me with a recorded task, please.
06:27This next task I didn't like at the start, but then I did like it,
06:29but then I didn't like it again at the end.
06:45So scared always.
06:47Hi, Tom.
06:48Hi, Mum.
06:49Oh, it's so nice in here.
06:51What's this?
06:52It's a ball.
06:53A yellow ball.
06:56Can I open the tusks?
06:58Yes, please.
06:59All right.
07:02Stress out, Tom.
07:04You have seven minutes.
07:06Your time starts now.
07:18Is that stressful?
07:19Kind of.
07:20No, I think you're too heavy.
07:29I think we're going to have to start whacking your ears.
07:32This is what we need.
07:33Oh, you've got a pocket knife.
07:35Now, the lake is in front of you.
07:36So you just go slow.
07:37Yep, that's it.
07:46Together.
07:48You're not stressed.
07:49I'm not sure exactly how I feel.
07:51How long do I have?
07:52Three minutes and ten minutes remaining.
07:53All right, go for a run.
07:54Go for a run.
07:55Go for a run.
07:56Thomas!
08:02Oh!
08:03I have one more plan.
08:04Okay.
08:05I'm holding.
08:06Mm-hmm.
08:07Do you trust me?
08:08Um, kind of.
08:09On the count of five.
08:10One, two.
08:11Ooh!
08:12It's quite substantial.
08:13You ready?
08:14No.
08:15What?
08:16Okay, and...
08:17Oh, my goodness.
08:18So that was the idea.
08:19This is like GTA 4.
08:20Okay, ready?
08:21I'm stressed now.
08:22You're stressed?
08:23And also, I run out my ideas.
08:24Okay.
08:25So...
08:26Oh, my goodness.
08:27Oh, my goodness.
08:28So that was the idea.
08:29This is like GTA 4.
08:30Okay, ready?
08:31I'm stressed now.
08:32You're stressed?
08:33And also, I run out my ideas.
08:34Okay.
08:35So...
08:36I run out my ideas.
08:37Okay.
08:38So, we just keep doing.
08:40Okay.
08:4136 seconds.
08:42I'm gonna key your car.
08:43It's not my car.
08:44It's a higher car.
08:45I'm gonna key the higher car.
08:46Oh, no.
08:50Are you okay?
08:51I'm okay.
08:52I went from tickling to waterboarding.
08:54Are you feeling at all stressed?
08:56Kind of confused.
08:57Okay, drive again.
09:00Hello.
09:01Time's up.
09:02Oh, God.
09:03Oh, don't do that.
09:04Relax, Tom.
09:05Tom's heart rate is being measured.
09:06Biggest difference between stress and relax, Tom wins.
09:19You have seven minutes.
09:21Your time starts now.
09:23Okay, so Tommy, I thought the job was to stress him out, not to arouse him.
09:35I think tickling is the most stressful, because you can't hit the person because it's seen as a joyous activity.
09:42Yeah.
09:43And so you're laughing, but you're actually choking to get air in.
09:46And when I then moved to waterboarding, I noticed, Cashman, you were actually a lot more comfortable,
09:53because you knew where my hands were, and they were out of tickling distance.
09:57When I started getting waterboarded, my heart rate was 69 BPM, and by the end, 61.
10:08Tommy's tickling got me to 104 BPM.
10:11Oh!
10:12All right, so Lisa, you were thinking it was going to stress him out if he had to drive without being able to see where he could go.
10:18Yeah, originally I wanted to be on the roof, but I wasn't allowed on the roof, because I thought if that would add danger,
10:23and that was a little bit too much for my safety.
10:26My peak heart rate during Lisa's was when you were arguing with the director.
10:30Are you serious?
10:33Lisa was adamant that she'd get on the roof.
10:36And the director and a producer were trying to say, no, during that kind of tension of not knowing what's got,
10:43my heart rate got to 100 BPM.
10:45Emma, you just, it was like you were trying to incite fight or flight, you just chased him.
10:51Yeah, it was such a natural instinct on my part.
10:54You gave me an opportunity to chase him with a baseball bat and I took it.
10:58Well, what did it do to your BPM?
11:00Emma got me to 140 BPM.
11:02So Dave got me to 85 BPM.
11:09Lisa got me to 100.
11:10Tommy got me to 104.
11:11Waka got me to 105.
11:13And Emma got me to 140 BPM.
11:19Okay, time for a quick update here.
11:21We're not going to do much other than tickle lesser Tom.
11:24Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster.
11:40It's our halfway point of the season.
11:42That's right.
11:43And our contestants have just been trying to stress me out.
11:45Little did they know my heartbeat was being measured and now they have to try to relax me.
11:48Biggest drop in my heart rate wins.
11:50Let's see how much they can lower it.
11:52Our contestants face the ultimate challenge, trying to get me to relax.
11:56I think we need to get you lying down.
11:58Okay.
11:59Bo, do you want to jump over and take a seat here?
12:00Okay.
12:01Please lay down.
12:03Oh, thank you.
12:04You just relax in the sunshine.
12:07We work some stuff out with your hair and that's, that's, you know what the thing about that, it's fixable Tom.
12:11Mmm.
12:12But what I'm saying, I really want to get that nose hair down.
12:17You walk in to the rental car office, calm knowing that the car is fine.
12:21No, it's okay.
12:22I'm not going to.
12:23I promise I'm not.
12:24Just lose.
12:25Sorry about that.
12:26About what?
12:27Makes you stress.
12:28Oh.
12:29Now you're free.
12:30I know that this might increase your heart rate and it's poor but maybe I'm going to do it.
12:35I can feel it.
12:36A woman speaks to you at the front desk.
12:37She hands you over a fully working iPad to rate your experience.
12:39There's no apps on there except the one you need.
12:40No apps.
12:41Do you want apps on there?
12:42Yeah.
12:43There is Temple Run on the iPad.
12:44I'll be someone else.
12:45Hang on.
12:46Oh yeah.
12:47Hang on.
12:48Hang on.
12:49Hello.
12:50Who's it?
12:51Oh who's that?
12:52Um.
12:53Lady.
12:54Fingers.
12:55Is it the first time I'm here big boy?
12:56Yes it is.
12:57Raindrops.
12:58Beautiful.
12:59You've got lovely skin Tom.
13:00Oh thank you.
13:01It's very nice.
13:02You're relaxed isn't it?
13:03Uh.
13:04Oh.
13:05It's a bit tickly.
13:06You're so sensitive.
13:07On the count of five.
13:08Oh.
13:09That's not good for that.
13:10Is it?
13:11Oh.
13:12Oh.
13:13Oh.
13:14Oh.
13:15Oh.
13:16Oh.
13:17Oh.
13:18Oh.
13:19Oh.
13:20Oh.
13:21Oh.
13:22Oh.
13:23Oh.
13:24Oh.
13:25Oh.
13:26Oh.
13:27Oh.
13:32You said your heart was racing because you've just been waterboarded and tickled so let's
13:38forcibly slow that down.
13:41Are you feeling a little bit relaxed?
13:42Like.
13:43I think I'm a bit uncomfortable.
13:44Oh no.
13:46Oh no.
13:47That's not good.
13:48No.
13:49I can see your heart beat.
13:50You think?
13:51It's hard to see you.
13:52The sun's kind of directly in my eyes.
13:53That's true so sorry about that.
13:54I never thought about that.
13:56That's actually quite helpful.
13:58Oh, all right. Don't move. Don't move.
14:00OK.
14:01You look so serious again.
14:03We need to work on your personal grooming.
14:06It's too late for me.
14:07Yeah.
14:08My horse has bolted.
14:09And you know, I give happy endings,
14:11and there's nothing more happy than...
14:13A little tickle!
14:14A little tickle!
14:15A little tickle!
14:16A little tickle!
14:17A little tickle!
14:18Is that it?
14:19Mm-hmm.
14:20Shall I snap?
14:21It's quite an uncomfortable position, actually.
14:23Well, you could have told me that.
14:30I felt like a lot of you started well
14:32and then you sabotaged yourselves a little bit.
14:34Like, Waka, you were getting less of time to be very relaxed.
14:38Yeah.
14:39But then you started to massage him
14:40and it kind of made it worse.
14:41Massage is good. Relax.
14:42But it just...
14:44You called me sensitive.
14:45I think the correct word is traumatised.
14:49So, Hughes, you used that well-known relaxing technique
14:52of holding pliers very close to someone's face.
14:55Yeah.
14:56I lost focus on the task at hand
14:59and was more focused on making you a better person.
15:01So...
15:02And I really gripped hard on those nose hairs and they came out
15:05and it was satisfying for me.
15:07Was it satisfying for you?
15:08Satisfying?
15:09Yeah.
15:10But when you...
15:11We all know, when you pull a nose hair out,
15:13it hurts and your eyes water, but afterwards there's a...
15:17I felt the first two.
15:20So, Emma, what was your approach?
15:21I think it was like a meditation.
15:23It was a meditation but also a bit of a role play.
15:26Oh, I'd prefer if you didn't call it that.
15:31Well, actually, I think you hit upon something that was very effective
15:34that no-one else thought up.
15:36You left him alone.
15:38That's right, I did.
15:39I think I asked you at one point,
15:40would it be better if I left and you said yes?
15:43OK, well, I feel like we need to find out your heart rate.
15:45That's right, and I'm going to give you the difference
15:47between the stress and the relaxed times.
15:50Dave's reduction was 19 BPM.
15:52Unsurprising, seeing he just kept pulling hairs out of my head.
15:56Tommy, aka Lady Fingers, got my heart rate down 29 BPM.
16:00Lisa reduced it 31 with her unsettling massage.
16:03Waka's reduction was 41 BPM,
16:05but Emma, with her genius method of just leaving me be,
16:08reduced it 63 beats per minute.
16:14So, that means one point goes to Dave,
16:16two to Tommy, three to Lisa, four to Waka,
16:18but Emma wins the task with five points.
16:23I'll also give you an idea of the episode's scores.
16:25It's incredibly tight,
16:26but Tommy is in the lead with seven points.
16:30And what about our series score
16:32as we near the halfway point of our season?
16:35Well, we've got Dave and Lisa at the back
16:37on 54 points apiece,
16:39but Emma is in the lead with 73 points at the moment.
16:45OK, give us another one, schnooky bear.
16:47We're going back to a time when puberty was all the rage.
16:50Hi Tom.
17:04Hi Lisa.
17:05It's a iPod here.
17:06It's a bit old iPod.
17:07Ooh.
17:08iPod.
17:09I'm familiar with what's in front of me.
17:16This is the piece of technology which lied to us
17:18more than anything else in history.
17:20It claimed to have something called anti-skip technology
17:23and it did not work.
17:25And you had to sit if you're on public transport
17:27and you yourself had to be the gyroscope.
17:30I have two questions to ask you.
17:32What was your favourite slang word when you were 13?
17:34Grouse.
17:36Probably cool.
17:37Chillax.
17:38Was a...
17:39KY.
17:40It means you cannot read air.
17:43What was your favourite musical genre
17:45when you were 13 years old?
17:46Music theatre and spandau ballet.
17:48Simon and Garfunkel.
17:49Folk rock.
17:50Hip hop.
17:51Rock and roll.
17:52Indie rock.
17:53Write a song for your 13-year-old self.
18:03Your song must incorporate your just-stated slang word.
18:07Musical genre.
18:08Song that reveals most about your 13-year-old self wins.
18:13You have 45 minutes.
18:15Your time starts now.
18:17What were you like when you were 13?
18:19That was kind of like discovering boys.
18:21I was the school captain.
18:23Now I think about it, I may have been a narcissist.
18:27I was pimply and awkward and greasy.
18:30Every night my mum would give me bud,
18:33which never failed to improve my mood.
18:36Drummer standard can be anything.
18:38It's the most lowest.
18:40Drums are the worst instrument.
18:41Yeah.
18:42Are you aware that the Taskmaster plays drums?
18:44Tom Gerson?
18:45So, we've got to get to the bottom of a waka.
18:56K-Y.
18:57K means kuki.
18:59Kuki means air.
19:00And then Y, yomenai, means cannot read.
19:03Cannot read air or situation.
19:05So, like, can't read the room?
19:07Yeah, yeah, yeah.
19:08Oh, so someone just walks into a room, pisses everyone off.
19:10Yeah.
19:11I believe that he's K-Y.
19:12So, like Josh Thomas?
19:17Maybe.
19:18Well, yeah, I just wanted to help people at home understand.
19:21I love that he's not here and he's still your least favourite.
19:26Alright, it's always exciting to see
19:28if we've got any musical talent amongst our bunch.
19:31Any early hints, Lesser Tom?
19:33Um, I couldn't possibly say.
19:35First up, we're going back to 2008,
19:37singing about what's up in the genre of nu metal.
19:40It's Emma Holland.
19:41Wait, I don't want to watch this.
19:49I was 13 in 2008,
19:51and my parents enrolled me in an equestrian course.
19:54I didn't really like it,
19:55and every girl there eventually got kicked by a horse.
19:58Not me, though.
19:59I wore crops to school every day,
20:02and I never washed them and they smelled bad.
20:04So I put spray deodorant in the soles,
20:06and I thought that made me really rad.
20:09I had blue streaks in my hair.
20:12Global warming made me scared.
20:14I had not hit puberty.
20:17America did not vote for Mitt Romney.
20:192008, what a year.
20:21The Olympics were in Beijing.
20:24So I'd like to say
20:25What's up?
20:26to those involved in the anti-doping operational stings.
20:292008, what a year.
20:32The Olympics were in Beijing.
20:34And I was too dead inside to watch them,
20:36but I'm sure the results were really thrilling.
20:39What's up?
20:40What's up?
20:49I truly believe there is nothing worse in this world
20:52than being cringe,
20:53and I include domestic terrorism in that.
20:57Okay.
20:58Was that an easy watch, Emma, for you?
20:59That was the hardest moment of my life.
21:03So, just to be clear,
21:05as talented as you seem to be musically,
21:08it doesn't really matter.
21:10What we're looking for is
21:11who reveals the most about their 13-year-old self.
21:14Most revealed about your 13-year-old self wins.
21:16So we're kind of actually looking for revelations.
21:18Just first up, 2008,
21:19Mitt Romney didn't win because he wasn't on the ticket.
21:22I know. I know. I know.
21:24It was Barack Obama versus John McCain.
21:26So that wasn't really a revelation.
21:27I know.
21:28That was a distortion of the truth.
21:29I realized ten minutes after I recorded it,
21:30and I knew you'd bring it up,
21:31and I was going to prepare something to say,
21:33and I didn't.
21:36Yeah, a bit like Mitt Romney in the debate.
21:37I need to know more about this.
21:40Every girl I know was kicked by a horse.
21:42Yeah.
21:43Every girl I knew at horse riding got kicked at some point.
21:46So what were they...
21:47Were they supposed to walk close to the horse
21:48when you walked behind it?
21:49Yeah, and I think they were just being bitches, so...
21:51So everyone you knew got kicked by a horse
21:53and deserved it?
21:57Yeah.
21:59Alright, so whose sing-song are we getting next?
22:02This next fella is about to go a cappella,
22:04singing about KY in the style of indie rock.
22:06It's Takashi Wakasugi.
22:07It's Takashi Wakasugi.
22:08It's Takashi Wakasugi.
22:09LAUGHTER
22:11.
22:13.
22:14.
22:18You think you are smart?
22:20No, no.
22:21You think you are perfect?
22:23No, no.
22:24You think you are popular?
22:26No, no.
22:27You think you are different?
22:29No, no.
22:30No, no.
22:31But you grow.
22:32But you change.
22:35This world is bigger than you think.
22:45You are the KY.
22:47You are the KY.
22:48You are the KY.
22:49You are the KY you don't know.
22:51You are the KY.
22:53You are the KY.
22:55You are the KY you will know.
22:58Go!
23:08So drums, they're not so easy are they?
23:10I'm so sorry about that. I respect you now more than anything.
23:13I'm very bad at music.
23:17But that was a good song, do you think?
23:19Oh yeah, I like... Well you definitely got the KY bit in.
23:22Can I ask, do they have KY lube in Japan?
23:26No.
23:28Oh well, it's off Hughesy's holiday list.
23:35Okay, so you certainly mentioned KY, you were being a bit KY deliberately,
23:39but I didn't really reveal that much.
23:41Not heaps.
23:42Alright, time for an ad break.
23:43Now don't spend the whole time going on about how great you are
23:46and how good you would have been at the task.
23:47There's no need to be all KY about it.
23:49See you soon!
23:58Hello, welcome back to the show where we've been having a good old-fashioned sing-along.
24:08That's right, dude.
24:09Um, sorry.
24:11Our contestants have been singing songs that reveal the most about their 13-year-old selves.
24:15So far we've learnt that Emma has an equine background and Waka was 13 once.
24:20Next up, in the style of the band Spandau Ballet, from when it was cool to be cool, here's Lisa McKeown.
24:27Chasing butterflies
24:44And watching clouds go by
24:50Even though I had a stye I noticed you
24:58It was in an outdoor air that day
25:03When I looked at you that way
25:09And you sent me off my head
25:15And this is what I said
25:17Hold my hand, please
25:22No need to be a tease
25:28I'm a fool
25:30Who's trying to be cool
25:33Hold my hand, please
25:47Chasing butterflies
25:49It's a beautiful image of a young Lisa McKeown I felt
25:51I had a really simple, lovely, you know, teenage years. It was really lovely
25:57When did you smoke your first cigarette?
25:58Fifteen
26:00And was that the same for having a drink?
26:02Oh, I think I probably was about nine
26:04But like, only because you could have
26:06Put that in the sauce
26:08But also, kids, you want to be successful, start drinking at nine
26:13Like, not a can of beer or glass, but just a sip, you know, something, you know
26:17Did you ever get in a scrag fight?
26:18No, no, I didn't
26:19But there used to be, my house was opposite the park where all the fights were
26:23So I used to take the injured back to my place to the laundry and clean them up
26:27Yeah
26:28And she drove them back when she was 11
26:32But I must admit, you know, I would like to thank you
26:34Because you've got a background in musical theatre
26:35So it's just good to relax
26:37While watching your clip
26:39Because compared to the others
26:41It was bloody beautiful
26:42Thanks, Tom
26:43Okay, so let's hear another tune
26:45Get ready to un-relax, everyone
26:47Singing about grouse in the style of folk rock is Dave Hughes
26:59I lived in a humble house
27:03That I didn't think was grouse
27:08My dad said it was the best place on earth
27:12But I didn't know the worth
27:16Every night my mum always made me put
27:20They would never fail to improve my mood
27:25She'd send me the shots with ciggies and pads
27:29I'd come back with jubes and fads
27:34At Crickus wanted to be the hero
27:39But I always end up going out for zero
27:43Walking off headquack like a duck
27:46I realised I shouldn't have given a f**k
27:50Cause now I know the duck was golden
27:56And I know the house was grouse
28:00The house was grouse
28:02The house was grouse
28:05Wow
28:06Yeah
28:07Wow
28:08Wow
28:09Wow
28:10Wow
28:11Wow
28:12Wow
28:13Wow
28:14Wow
28:15Wow
28:16Wow
28:17Wow
28:18Wow
28:19Wow
28:20Wow
28:21Wow
28:22Wow
28:23How does it feel to watch that?
28:24Yeah, I'm really proud of that work
28:26He leaned over to me as it was starting and went
28:30I got this
28:31Well to be fair, it's got nothing to do with musical quality
28:37It's just about how much you reveal
28:38And in your comedy
28:40You're constantly revealing so many truths
28:42Intimate truths about yourself
28:43Yeah
28:44So I feel like this was right up your alley
28:45It was right up my alley
28:46And I grew up in a humble house
28:48Which I didn't think was grouse
28:49Which I didn't think was grouse
28:50But then eventually I realised
28:52It was grouse
28:54And I'm going to cry
28:56So was there a story in there?
28:58Sorry cause I tuned out a bit in the middle
29:00How would you describe the mud the pud put you in?
29:05It was a good mud
29:08Okay, so I mean it revealed heaps
29:12Which is great
29:13And grouse got a mention
29:14I mean it's a pretty good result
29:15Yeah
29:16Okay, in case someone's still watching
29:18Do we have another?
29:21Having a chillax in the genre of hip hop music
29:24It's Tommy Little
29:32I'm a greasy kid
29:33Greasy kid
29:34I'm a greasy kid
29:35Greasy kid
29:36Greasy kid
29:37I'm a greasy kid
29:38Just a greasy kid
29:39I'm a greasy kid
29:40Pimples on my face
29:43And braces in their face
29:45Hair was greasy
29:46So school wasn't easy
29:47I'm 13
29:48I'm 13
29:49With no control of my cock
29:50And next year
29:51I'm getting dreadlocked
29:52Sex
29:53Well I've had none
29:54But that doesn't mean that I haven't
29:57Cause in my pants is where I climax
30:00Everybody said
30:01Yo, chillax
30:02Sitting on the bus
30:03And you're all alone
30:04Or all by yourself
30:06Except for your boner
30:07I'm a greasy kid
30:08I'm a greasy kid
30:09I'm a greasy kid
30:10I'm a greasy kid
30:11With *** in his pants
30:12I'm a greasy kid
30:13And guess what?
30:14I'm you
30:15And you're me
30:16And I'm out
30:17I'm you
30:18And you're me
30:20And I'm out
30:21Tommy I feel like you poured a lot of self-loathing into that
30:35Yeah
30:36Yeah
30:37I really thought at the end of that when I did it live
30:40I'm like
30:41That was pretty good
30:42Well I must say though
30:43It was good to see you being back on brand again
30:45With the lyrics
30:46Sitting on a bus
30:47And you're all alone
30:48Or all by yourself
30:49Except for your boner
30:50I mean
30:51It's the Tommy we've come to know and love
30:54I feel like you actually revealed a lot though
30:57I was pretty pleased with that
30:58It was a lot of revelation
30:59I guess I've got to give out some scores
31:01Yes
31:02This is big
31:03Husey really wants to know
31:04Come on
31:05Alright
31:06Because again
31:07Music doesn't really matter
31:08So I'm going to give
31:09Well it would have been nice if
31:10Yep
31:11Anyway
31:12I agree
31:13It would have been nice if people at home were entertained
31:15But I
31:17I mean
31:18It would have been helpful
31:20Just for our careers generally
31:22Yep
31:23So I'm going to give one to Waka
31:24Because I didn't really learn much at all
31:25Okay
31:26Two to Lisa McCune
31:27We did learn that she used to like music
31:28We did learn that she used to like chasing butterflies
31:30Three points to Tommy Little
31:32Because we learned he was a greasy kid
31:33And a few other awkward bits and pieces
31:35We learned heaps about Emma
31:37Four points to Emma
31:38But the most we learned about
31:39In what was arguably the worst song
31:42Was Husey
31:44With five points
31:49Okay
31:50Time now for an ad break
31:51Go and have a quick pud
31:53You never know
31:54It might improve your mood
31:55Back soon
31:58Welcome back to Taskmaster
31:59Where our comedians are playing for an airplane toilet
32:13And if they're lucky enough
32:14The right to never hear Dave Hughes sing again
32:17Find a way to segue to another task please Lesser Tom
32:21Um
32:22Here's a task that if you had a segue
32:24You could use it to ride to the shops
32:26And
32:27And buy some mugs
32:29Which is crazy because this task is about mugs
32:32Tom Tom
32:49How are you?
32:50I'm well
32:51Five
32:52Something
32:53Four
32:54Three
32:55Two
32:56One
32:57One
32:58Ooh
32:59Gobble
33:00Sticky
33:01Get the mugs into the bath at the top of the path
33:13You may only take 75 steps
33:16You must be on the path the whole time
33:18Most unbroken mugs gotten into the bath wins
33:22You have 13 minutes
33:24Your time starts
33:26Now
33:27Okay sounds kind of simple
33:32Yep
33:33They've just got to get the mugs
33:34Into the bath
33:35Most mugs into the bath
33:36Only unbroken mugs count
33:38Okay I reckon we just get into some mugs in baths then
33:41First up he's got world's greatest dad written on a mug
33:43And world's greatest mug written on his dad
33:45It's Dave Hughes
33:46Oh God
33:48Oh God
34:01Come on
34:02Is that two steps?
34:17That's two, yep
34:18How far do you reckon have gone?
34:20That's not a good one
34:31I reckon
34:32Cheap as that
34:34What?
34:35I've lost almost all of them already
34:37And I've gone
34:38Four metres maybe
34:40I don't need this anymore I've just realised
34:42That's a shocking start
34:45I may tear one of my short hamstrings
34:52It's easy man
34:55Oh God
34:57I can just go like this can't I?
34:59Let's put them in there
35:00That's right
35:01Seven
35:06Never give up
35:08Okay
35:09Husey if that task was a song it would sound like the song you just did before
35:20Yeah but I won that task so maybe I'll win this one
35:26Within a minute Dave had broken 71% of the mug
35:30Yeah I feel like it was a shit effort followed by a shit quote which would be put on the side of a shit mug
35:36One thing you did nail is counting the mugs
35:39Husey transported seven mugs successfully to the bar
35:42Thank you
35:43Thank you
35:44Thank you
35:45Alright who's next?
35:46Next leading us down the garden path is Lisa and Tommy
35:49Oh yes
35:57It's so easy bro
35:58I'm just going to tape them to myself Tom
35:59Oh okay
36:00Yeah
36:01This is good
36:02Whoa
36:03This is really good bro
36:04You know how you do some stuff and you're not that proud?
36:05Hmm
36:06This is not one of them
36:08How long?
36:09Eight minutes and fourteen seconds
36:10I'm going to have to leave this behind
36:11It's time to start getting really serious
36:14Okay you ready?
36:15Three
36:17Four
36:18Five
36:19Two
36:20Three
36:33Four
36:34Five
36:37Two
36:38Three
36:40Four
36:41Four
36:42Three
36:44Oh, she's breaking up.
36:55I'm the smartest man of life.
36:57Gently, gently, gently.
37:03Oh, my God.
37:04How do you feel? Like a genius?
37:06I've done something wrong, haven't I?
37:08Like what?
37:09Like, I don't know.
37:11It's the paranoia setting in.
37:14Oh, clever.
37:19So, Lisa, you did a great job carrying all those cups and mugs.
37:23Is that because, as an actor, you've had to do a lot of hospo?
37:25No.
37:27I avoided that mostly, which is good.
37:29But, um, no.
37:30Yeah, take that, other actors.
37:33But I'm happy.
37:34I was really happy with the outcome of my mugs.
37:36But hang on.
37:37You used the mat that you were standing on.
37:39I mean, is that legal?
37:40What?
37:41Dave, darling, that's so unfair.
37:44First of all, I'd like to...
37:45Stay in your lane, you f***ing snitch.
37:47Thanks, Tommy.
37:49Snitchy-poo's back.
37:50Oh, mate, it's snitchy-purg.
37:52Is it legal?
37:53Using the map was in accordance with the task.
37:55It was also legal.
37:58Yeah, so, I mean, I feel like that's not the first time you've had to strap stuff to yourself.
38:03You were so quick to do it, I feel like you've done it before.
38:08Yeah.
38:09I used to take pints from pubs.
38:11Like, if we were leaving the pub to go to another pub, I used to put a full pint in my pocket.
38:16You could go out without spilling beer all down your jeans.
38:19Yeah.
38:20Yeah.
38:21I should explain it to you, Husey, because you don't drink.
38:22By that stage, after you've had a few drinks, you don't give a s*** anymore.
38:27If anything, the beer washes the piss away.
38:30Right, so give us the stats.
38:37It's perhaps a bit of a testament to the confidence gap between the genders.
38:40Tommy, the smartest man alive little, got 29 mugs, successfully in the bath.
38:44Lisa, I've done something wrong, haven't I, McCune, got 30 out of 30.
38:47There it is.
38:50OK, on the topic of mugs and breaks, keep yours fixed on the telly as we take one.
38:55We'll be back shortly.
38:56Hello, welcome back to the televisual show formerly known as Taskmaster, which is still
39:14known as Taskmaster.
39:16That's right.
39:17Currently, our contestants are trying to get as many unbroken mugs into the bath along the
39:21garden path.
39:22The final two mugging for the camera are Emma and Waka.
39:24And I can use any of these.
39:27If you like.
39:28I need a tape.
39:29And I don't know what's that one.
39:32This is one step.
39:37What is this?
39:39Tom's mug.
39:41I'll take the steps so you don't have to.
39:44What?
39:45So you can carry my mugs to the bath?
39:49If you ask me in the right way.
39:52I'm worried if I use any of that, something bad's going to happen.
39:57I won't ask you to help.
39:58You won't?
39:59No.
40:00OK.
40:01With this face, you lying.
40:02I just, I don't trust this system.
40:04These are going to be heavy.
40:05Wait, wait, wait.
40:06I can use this.
40:07Like, I just put mugs here and they walk together.
40:20OK, where do I start from?
40:21Here?
40:22You've already started.
40:23I've already started?
40:24From where?
40:25Where you at?
40:26Like, including up there and back?
40:27Yep.
40:28Tom!
40:29How many do I have left?
40:31You've taken 23 steps.
40:42Why?
40:43There's no way.
40:46Where the bath there?
40:47You've got 12 steps left.
40:48Where the bath?
40:49Five steps remaining.
40:50I'm not going to make it.
40:52Two more.
40:55It's impossible.
40:57One step left.
41:00Now what?
41:01You've got six minutes and ten seconds.
41:03To do what?
41:0424 seconds.
41:06I'm so annoyed because this seemed like such a good technique and I've come all this way.
41:10There's just nothing I can really do, is there?
41:12Tom, can you carry the cup to the bath, please?
41:18Oh, please?
41:19OK, I'll do it.
41:20Ten seconds.
41:22Be careful.
41:23Kindly.
41:24Gently.
41:25You did.
41:26I should trust your poster.
41:28This has made me so sad.
41:29I could have made it, I reckon.
41:30That's...
41:31Ah!
41:32You're a great person.
41:33I should trust.
41:35Bye, Thomas.
41:36Thanks, Emma.
41:37Thanks, Emma.
41:38I can't believe I'm saying this, but Hughesy's was not the worst.
41:52That's unbelievable.
41:53I mean, this is fascinating.
41:54Really, it all came down to trust.
41:59So, you were the only two to pull up the banner, but also both of you made the mistake of just not pulling the poster up all the way so you could read the part at the bottom.
42:06I just saw his face.
42:07I don't want to.
42:08You know.
42:09Okay.
42:10But then when you did ask him to help, you were just polite.
42:12Yeah.
42:13And that was just luck.
42:14Because there's no steps there, so I can't do anything and I just ask him.
42:17Yeah.
42:18So, are you saying that when you got to the end of your steps and you had nothing to lose, you thought you might as well just ask?
42:23Yeah.
42:24Whereas Emma, what the f***?
42:25Emma stood there for the whole six minutes.
42:26I'm watching that back.
42:27I'm like, oh, that poor girl is really, really stupid.
42:30Okay.
42:31So, but it all just happened.
42:32I mean, I'm like, oh, I can't do anything.
42:33I can't do anything.
42:34I can't do anything.
42:35I can't do anything.
42:36You can't do anything.
42:37I can't do anything.
42:38I can't do anything.
42:39I can't do anything.
42:40I'm like, oh, you're so sorry.
42:42I can't do anything, but I'm like, oh, you've got to the end of your steps?
42:45I can't do anything, but I just ask him.
42:47Yeah, so are you saying that when you got to the end of your steps and you had nothing to lose, you thought you might as well just ask?
42:50Yeah.
42:51really stupid okay so but it all just comes down to the number of mugs that's
42:57right Waka managed 11 mugs due to his last-minute politeness Emma like the
43:01world's shittiest dad zero mugs that means Emma gets one point Dave gets two
43:06Waka gets three Tommy gets four but Lisa wins the task with five points
43:13in terms of scores for the episode it's a tight one with Waka at the bottom on
43:1710 points to me only four ahead in the lead currently on 14 points
43:21okay take those mugs and the rest of your persons up onto the stage for the final task of the show
43:29all right teams are back so we've got the aged team and the better team who's reading the task
43:40the team of three aka the better team ride for exactly 111 meters while sketching a sketchy
43:47sketch one of your teammates must be riding all others must be sketching you may only sketch
43:54whilst pedals are in motion closest to 111 meters road wins however if your sketch is deemed least
44:03sketchy your difference from 111 meters will be doubled you have 180 seconds you're going to
44:10decide something to draw okay a team who will be riding the bike I will ride the bike B team who
44:20will be riding the bike si senor fantastic your time starts now can you actually like sometimes you
44:26might have to go a little bit slow are you guys ready yep that one oh two that is go a little bit slower
44:35can you slow down a little bit I'm going as slow as I can yeah oh my god okay how many spins is it done
44:41I've lost count and I didn't know what it was meant to be anyway we're going way over man but you're
44:45spinning pretty hard there maybe you focus on your spin bro you've got to keep moving you've got to
44:51keep moving disqualify them shut up oh I can house and keep riding over man what do you mean I'm way
45:00over have you seen how slow I'm riding Dave I don't think you're even interested in the hell that I'm
45:04going through here you haven't asked you haven't asked me once you know you've got this you won four gold
45:11loaded for a reason for a little bit this is just so shit I think I need spinning like a top I thought I needed
45:17some more mileage keep going mate there's someone chasing ya 30 seconds can you slow down can you slow down
45:25do you have time to slow down I'm I'm not moving he's not moving I'm just trying to come on Lisa
45:31four all right just when a few cyclists have looked at the TV and thought finally someone's
45:47taking us seriously we'll be back to look at the portraits after the break
46:01welcome back to taskmaster what's going on Cashman our contestants have just done a live task where
46:10our teams sent someone for a ride on a bike of exactly 111 meters and whilst they did so the rest
46:15of their team sketched a sketchy sketch on a canvas attached the back of the bike's wheel simple
46:20stuff before I reveal the distances and how close they got to 111 meters you need to judge whose sketch
46:26was the sketchiest can we see the sketches all right that's the better team the team better
46:31team in this case may not be better it's upside down oh really looks pretty symmetric in in both axes
46:41no it's upside down really I think that that will be the end of what you say silencing a woman yes
46:46I'm thinking maybe it's a record player let's see the next sketch
46:53says down the bottom where's Lance I'm guessing Lance Armstrong maybe it's a tour de France I feel
47:02like the inspiration was right in front of Lisa which was a bike so I think there are bicycles all
47:06over there oh my god and uh Lance Armstrong was very sketchy out of the two of them yes I think
47:12Lance Armstrong is far more sketchy the a-team said they were sketching Lance Armstrong injecting
47:20steroids whilst riding a bike okay the b-team said they were going to draw the earth holding a knife
47:26it has like a sketchy look that's like a smile and two eyes and then he's got a little arm with
47:35the knife coming in okay he's really upset about global warming okay so what scores do we allocate
47:41well it came down to who had the sketchiest drawing so Dave and Lisa rode 76 meters that's 35 meters
47:49short of 111 which was your target the b-team rode 175.2 meters that's 64 meters over 111 yes but
48:00then after the doubling you're 128 meters away not bad so the a-team wins
48:08yeah okay so to allocate points I think I'll go five five two two two okay okay and who is our
48:22winner of the episode Waka was in last place with 12 points and we had Emma with 13 Tommy was 16 Dave
48:27with 17 but Lisa wins the episode with 18 points
48:30oh really I am so genuinely shocked I'm genuinely shocked
48:34congrats Lisa get up on stage and claim your frustrating desert island stuff
48:39well then what have we learned Husey taught us he had a grouse house
48:45and right now Tom's learning that it's tickled dice
48:48see you next week
48:55so why don't you shake it all about for us
49:13you suck and I hate your outfit no let's go I can't believe I'm saying this but watching
49:24two 53 year olds do gangnam style was the least awkward bit