Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a condition known as Proctalgia Fugax or Lightning Ass where people experience spontaneous, sharp pain in their anus.
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00:00Someone said, is it weird that I get a cramp in my anus?
00:14Hmm?
00:17I'm cramping up.
00:18Get me a, get that man a banana.
00:22It's a potassium thing.
00:23Get him a banana.
00:24It's spontaneous and will hurt so bad, I'm not able to move.
00:30I need to see a doctor, right?
00:31Yeah, he's pulled a sphincter.
00:34He's pulled it.
00:35And now it's, once you pull a muscle, it becomes easier.
00:39He says he's never explored the back door, but he gets these.
00:43So he must just, he's either holding it too long or a bad diet.
00:48Something's led to some real trouble back there.
00:49I feel like if I was walking and my b-hole cramped up, I'd fall to the ground.
00:53I wouldn't even know how to do it.
00:59You'd almost see it.
00:59My anal cramps are in!
01:01Leave him.
01:02He has to lay there until his anal pain is gone.
01:05I'm cramping up!
01:07Lay down!
01:08Lay down!
01:08Don't move!
01:09Don't touch him!
01:11How's your anus?
01:12It's better.
01:14He says it's actually called Protalgia Fugax.
01:20Careful now.
01:22Protalgia Fugax, the name of the condition when your anal sphincter cramps or has a charley
01:29horse-like pain.
01:31That sounds pretty terrible.
01:33That is, honestly, it's not something we've heard of before.
01:36So does it happen just randomly or only when they're going to the bathroom?
01:38You try and get anal cramp guy on the phone.
01:41Oh, wow.
01:42Lisa, you asked one too many.
01:44Now we have to call him.
01:45The way he shared it, it's like, for the past 15 years, I've been struggling with this.
01:49Oh, he also knew he was like, December 17th, 2009.
01:53Well, I think it changes your life when you have-
01:55I sat down on the toilet and I got something Fugax.
01:59It's a disorder that causes brief, severe episodes of rectal or anal pain.
02:04Sudden, sharp pain in the anus or rectum that can last from seconds to minutes.
02:09Oh, God.
02:11Depends on my legs.
02:11Oh, no, it's a lady.
02:13What?
02:14It's a lady.
02:14Is it a lady?
02:15No.
02:16Is that what you're picking up on?
02:18Yes.
02:19You just had to call a lady and ask her about this?
02:22Excuse me, man.
02:23I'm going to guess we're going to need some voice changing.
02:26I'm going to put voice changing on right now.
02:28We just assumed only a guy did.
02:31We did.
02:32Yeah, but we didn't-
02:32Definitely only guys share that stuff with us, but-
02:35We talked about why you could get it sometimes.
02:37She doesn't need the voice changing, she said.
02:38Oh, that's so brave.
02:40All right.
02:40Here she is.
02:41Let's get to her then.
02:42It's a lady.
02:42All right.
02:43What a twist.
02:43Lady with anal cramps.
02:45Let's go.
02:46Hello, ma'am.
02:47How are you?
02:48I'm good.
02:49How are you doing today, Dave?
02:50Doing okay.
02:50Okay, so for a long time now, you've been suffering from this Fugax, the anal cramps.
03:00Yeah, the Charlie horse.
03:01Yeah, I actually had to tell my own doctor about it.
03:04She had actually not heard about it.
03:07Wow.
03:07Yeah, but the first time it happened, a long time ago, I thought I was dying, because it
03:13was incredibly painful.
03:15Did it bring you to your knees?
03:18It was actually, I think, in the middle of the night that it woke me up.
03:21Oh, my God.
03:21Oh, so it was just out of nowhere, like you were doing nothing?
03:24It was out of nowhere.
03:25Out of nowhere.
03:26Yes.
03:27And I didn't know what was causing it, and I thought that was it.
03:31Can I get personal for a second?
03:33Sure.
03:33Oh, boy.
03:34Have you done backdoor action?
03:38At that period of time, no.
03:40It was not induced by that.
03:42But sometimes when you have cramps from your menstrual cycles, it can actually induce it.
03:47Oh, that's what they say?
03:49Yeah, and it only lasts for about, you know, maybe 20 to 30 minutes, but that is an excruciating
03:5520 to 30 minutes.
03:5620 to 30 minutes?
03:57That's crazy.
03:58I can't have a Charlie horse for 30 minutes.
04:02They tell you that you can draw a warm bath for it to help, you know, to help relax so
04:07that it goes away, but in that time, it's so excruciating that drawing a warm bath is
04:12the least, the last thing that you're thinking of doing.
04:15Okay, I got a question.
04:17Okay, go ahead.
04:17No, what other parts of you are affected?
04:22Like, once your backside is Charlie horse, do your legs have to stay straight or anything?
04:30Are you like, you're able to do, move?
04:34It just literally feels like you're being impaled by a spear.
04:38Like, it feels like you're on a spear.
04:39Like, you're on a spear and you're ready to get roasted, like, at a pig roast.
04:44It's terrible.
04:45So you have to just stay still?
04:46Um, I mean, yeah, it's pretty uncomfortable, but like, you know what, once you've, once
04:53it's happened to you a few times and once you realize what it is and that it's benign,
04:57you just kind of, now I could, it hasn't happened in a while, thankfully, but, um, you can just
05:03roll over and go back to sleep.
05:04Chuck has another question.
05:05Um, go check.
05:07Oh man.
05:08Have you, have you tried massaging it?
05:12Can you massage it out?
05:13There's no massage for it.
05:13There's no massage for it.
05:15I don't even want to venture to.
05:17I don't even, I think I would be massaging mine.
05:20If it was half an hour.
05:21If it was happening to me, I'd be back there.
05:23I think I'd be back there.
05:25It's deep into your body.
05:26It's not like a superficial thing.
05:28It's a nerve in there.
05:29This, you can't really, right?
05:31Okay.
05:31Yeah.
05:32So if I was sitting here during this show and got an anal cramp, like you suffered
05:36for the first time, could I continue or would I have to remove myself from the room?
05:41I think you'd be lying on the floor.
05:43So it never happened to you when you were out in public?
05:46It's just only when you were?
05:48Um, yeah, I'm trying to think.
05:50I can't think unless it was like cramp induced.
05:52I can't, I can't recall a time where it was out in public, but like my partner, my significant
05:58others always knew about it because obviously you wake up in the middle of the night and
06:02you're spazzing out.
06:03You kind of have to explain what's going on.
06:07So anal cramps.
06:08Let me help.
06:11Let me do whatever I can back there.
06:14Oh yeah, I win.
06:15Yeah.
06:15I have some.
06:17Give me an anal massage therapist.
06:19I have a couple of theories.
06:21Hey, listen, very cool of you to call in and share it with us because apparently up to
06:2518% of the population suffers from this.
06:28Oh my God.
06:29Wow.
06:29Yeah.
06:29Good for you.
06:30I have such, such good humor about your anal cramps because I'm not sure everyone would.
06:34Oh yeah, absolutely.
06:35Thanks for, thanks for letting us reach out.
06:36You have a good day.
06:37All right, guys.
06:37Have a great day.
06:38You're just joining us.
06:39We're talking about this, uh, what we thought was rare, but not so rare symptom of anal,
06:44anal cramps called proctalgia fugax.
06:50It's sudden sharp pain in the anus or rectum that can last for a long time.
06:54A lot of people, up to 18% of the population could suffer from this.
06:57It is more common in women than men.
06:59Wow.
07:00Okay.
07:00So the average age of onset is 45.
07:03So she was young to get it.
07:04Yeah.
07:04You don't get it until your anus is way older.
07:06Oh my God.
07:07Yeah.
07:07Patrick is with us in Chesterfield.
07:09Hi, Patrick.
07:11Hey guys.
07:12Penis falls.
07:13Penis.
07:14Are you an anal cramper?
07:17Yeah, I have been for years.
07:19I never really knew what it was and really didn't do, go do anything about it because I thought
07:25I was weird or something, but yeah, it'll come.
07:28It'll come on whenever and like sometimes when you're sleeping in the middle of the night,
07:32it wakes up and it feels like, I don't know what, imagine a corn cup being shoved up there.
07:39How would you know?
07:41He imagines it.
07:43Yeah, but one thing you can do or try to do is get as much like hot water on your rectum
07:50to do as much as you can.
07:53Quick hot water on my rectum immediately.
07:56I mean, I do have a shower handle.
07:57Someone boil a pot of rectum water.
08:00That's it.
08:00I always have a boiling pot.
08:02Yeah, I have a removable shower hose.
08:06Oh yeah, that's nice.
08:08That's nice to get it in there.
08:09You got to get it in there?
08:12I can try it as much as you can.
08:14Yeah.
08:14As much as you can.
08:15That'll help.
08:16But I never knew what it was and now I know it kills you, man.
08:22You don't want to prepare.
08:23Don't prepare to peg.
08:25Oh my goodness, no.
08:27It sounds like you're almost, it's like a surprise peg.
08:32Surprise peg.
08:33It's debilitating.
08:34I've never been pegged, but...
08:36No, corn cup.
08:37Patrick, man, all the best of you and your anus.
08:40Oh my God, Patrick.
08:42All right, guys.
08:43See ya.
08:44Multiple, multiple people who suffer from this refer to it in text messages as lightning ass.
08:49Oh no.
08:50That's terrible.
08:51Lightning ass?
08:52That sounds like an ACDC song.
08:56Lightning ass!
08:57Get you in the middle of the night, Tom!
09:04Lightning ass.
09:06Yeah, there's bells.
09:07Yeah.
09:08Yeah.
09:09That's awful stuff, man.
09:10I'm going to cause a scene if one night I wake up and it feels like there's a corn cob in me.
09:17I'm going to get all the best, the finest medical minds I can settle.
09:22If that's what you'll say to you, it feels like there's a corn cob in me.
09:24All right.
09:25There's a corn cob in me!
09:26Give me every doctor on this side of the planet!
09:31I'm not ready for that.
09:35Lightning!
09:36It's an educational show.
09:55Oh my god, every once in a while
09:57Every once in a while we hit on something, huh?
10:00This guy says his has been so bad
10:02Twice when it's happened
10:04He's passed right out
10:05Guys, we can't take pain
10:09We can't take pain
10:10So you wake up, you're like
10:12Yeah, the women
10:15They go back to sleep
10:16The men are passing out
10:18I'm crying
10:20Look, they set up
10:22They take guys and they stick on that machine
10:25It makes it feel like they have labor pains
10:27Or like cramps or whatever
10:29And guys are like, oh, get it off me
10:31Get it off, get it off me
10:33But that lady called in and she was like
10:34Yeah, I feel like I have a sword up on my ass
10:36And I just turned around and went back to sleep
10:39And this guy's like, yeah, I passed out
10:41I passed out every day
10:42My wife found me on the ground
10:43What happened, heart attack?
10:46Woke up in the hospital
10:47Oh, lightning ass
10:48Classic case of lightning ass
10:50Like Zeus is back there
10:52Right out, he went right out
10:54He said it was like a sword in his ass
10:58Passed right out
11:00Like Thor took his hammer right to it
11:02Oh, wow, hammer
11:03If you're just joining us
11:04Lightning ass is a real thing
11:06A lot of people
11:07Up to 18% of the population suffers from it
11:09They just never talk about it, I guess
11:11Until today
11:12It's Proctalgia fugax
11:14And a disorder that causes brief, severe episodes
11:18Of rectal or anal pain
11:19It can feel like lightning is striking your b-hole
11:22Hence lightning ass
11:24This guy said
11:25Most embarrassing moment with it ever
11:26It dropped me to my knees
11:29While I was shopping at Lowe's
11:30I mean, you're not ready for it
11:33You're not ready for it, man
11:34Excuse me, can you point me to the
11:35This man's having a heart attack or something
11:37Let somebody help him
11:38He's like, lightning ass
11:39I got lightning ass
11:41I think you
11:42I feel like I was shot
11:43I feel like I got a shot in my b-hole
11:45Right
11:46I'm picturing Forrest Gump
11:47When he gets shot
11:48Something bit me
11:50Yeah, ow
11:52Got the lightning ass
11:53Get kanske
11:54I feel like I'm out
11:54You're not ready for it
11:55No
11:56No
11:57No
11:57No
11:59No
11:59No
11:59No
12:00No
12:01No
12:01No
12:01No
12:02No
12:02No
12:04No
12:04No
12:04No