Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a Michigan woman who had to be rescued from a vault toilet after she climbed inside it to try and retrieve her Apple Watch. Then, hear from a couple listeners who went digging in porta-potties to get their lost items.
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00:00uh oh another bitch is tripping losing something pricey like an apple watch never great
00:15and some people could be willing to do some crazy things to get it back oh like you know where it
00:26is right right but to me there's a line you can't cross yeah and that line is at the bottom of an
00:37outhouse oh god definitely just that's an easy that's an easy line a michigan woman no no who was
00:46in an outhouse yesterday morning stop dropped her apple watch into it gross that's it that's
00:56sucks it's terrible yeah but to me what comes next is insanity well i have an idea the woman decided
01:05to retrieve her apple watch by lowering herself deep inside the toilet what she went in she went in she
01:18went in lace she went in it was big enough that she fit down inside yep but but then she got stuff
01:28as you would what a day that's not great i mean i don't know how you're alive she had fumes to keep
01:38screaming for help and finally luckily someone walked by and heard her realized what had happened
01:45and called the police so she was alone now you're northern michigan it's a
01:53natural department of natural resources boat launch out on a lake oh she was probably just out hiking or
02:01walking right yeah oh god listen i have had to down in there yes get down in there i've had to use
02:09these of course right my wife loves outdoors and nature hikes and all that stuff the one the last
02:16time i used one of these was in tennessee in the smoky mountains yeah and let me tell you at the
02:21bottom of that was poop mountain i know i know it was just literally a mountain of turds so like how
02:28deep do you think this thing was cut out down below i feel like they make it big enough that they
02:33only have to dump it out a couple times a year yeah that's what i would have thought too i used one
02:37that was easily like 10 feet down it seemed oh okay deep hole deep right it's not like a port-a-john
02:44no no no it's literally like a hole in the ground yeah and then it's just mountains of feces whoa i i
02:52want to hear her tale i do too i'd love to talk if we could get them the first exclusive interview
02:57toilet bitch yeah oh my god well i like that i don't think so yeah i was gonna say haley so you
03:04want to ruin something call the person toilet bitch yeah here we are with the dave and chuck
03:11inclusive interview with the toilet bitch what's up what is wrong with you toilet bitch you filthy
03:18bitch why would you go into the pool to get your watch you may not score that interview you know i'd
03:24love to hear from her nonetheless i know somebody that dropped a phone into a porta potty and
03:28it came out with a blue forearm yeah
03:30that's just that tragedy i definitely think happens i think so too and i think uh when you can see it
03:41like it helps i think if i dropped my technology way down and it it appeared to be eight feet away
03:48for me right then i would just be like oh well nothing like you know it's that when it's it's
03:54teasing you because it's so close uh laura is with us next laura yeah laura are you a toilet bitch
04:02oh my god you're gonna think i'm a totally dirty bitch you are but you are right you are what did you
04:10what happened i am oh my god so i'm dating this guy um he takes off he's really wasted
04:18we're at milford memories and i'm not proud of this but um i went to sit down and you know how
04:25the toilet paper thing it's actually angled i thought it was flat but it was angled well my phone's
04:32going off i'm trying to find him at the at the the gathering and i put the phone up there
04:38and i dropped my drawers and just as i dropped my drawers the phone i could see it he's pinging me
04:45and it's sliding sliding and it plunked right in the port-a-potty i swear you guys i had two seconds
04:52to make a decision lo and behold i'm seeing it ping and the light goes off it's sinking into the pee
05:00and you know you're you're drunk and you're like oh my god i got two seconds i got two i grabbed it
05:07toilet bitch yeah so you you just you you evaluated within seconds and and thrust an arm down
05:17seconds and and grabbed it obviously got wet oh oh it was it was in the pee it's glowing i'm you know
05:26you're seeing it right and then but it's yeah yeah it was it was sinking so it was like up to my
05:34forearm and i grabbed it and right when i pulled it out i went holy crap what did i just do right did
05:39you go running through the milford memories festival screaming i need a disinfectant i need a
05:45toilet bitch and of course you're looking at those little bins that have like like the spray and i'm
05:54yeah that's not gonna do it that's not gonna do it and i love that you think there was just pee in there
06:00you sweet little toilet bitch oh yeah no that was turds there's many many turds
06:07oh so many it was just pee looking back i'd never do it again yeah it's like yeah it's like instant
06:15i know i guess i yeah i i kind of get it but thanks for calling in laurie you're brave yeah once
06:21again i just i don't as long as you can't see it like you know it's in the blue and it's down and you
06:28are the one i feel like you could go you could leave you could get some kind of magnet and a string
06:37and go back and get it one more call i guess we have to take kim hi kim
06:43hi how are you kim did you become a toilet bitch i did i did um i'm a face painter in windsor and i
06:53had all my face painters at this huge corporate event in august and i went to the porta potty before
07:00the event and um my wallet that i had all my bursts to get my id my keys everything in
07:06was sitting on the toilet roll and when the door slammed shut it fell into the toilet oh no so i was
07:13literally like above my elbows in this bright blue liquid and it was my dominant arm which is the arm
07:19that i face paint with so oh my god my god did you leave no no i couldn't because it's my company
07:29oh no what did you do she just blew you painted faces with your blue arm yes she did she gave a
07:37bunch of kids e-coli that day yeah a lot of little spider-mans in the bathroom
07:42i guess what i would have done is just started painting stuff over top of the blue
07:49to make it look like i actually painted it paint my other arm blue you're a smurf painter i don't know
07:56what you do that's terrible it's it smelled like toilet too right because they have that strong
08:02deodorizer stuff in there yeah oh yeah so i need the event after four hours and i mind you there
08:07was probably about 2 000 people at this event after four hours i went to go load up my jeep
08:13and my key wasn't in my purse oh no it's in the blue you had to go back in again
08:19double toilet bitch this time it wasn't this time but it's been all day dave oh my god it's been all
08:28day it's been all day 2 000 people peed and pooed on your you're like the indiana jones of toilets
08:35oh the worst she had to dig and uncover did you find it i did i did i did find it and i i i honestly
08:45think that that's that chemical in there breaks stuff down so whatever you need to get to it
08:51whatever you need to tell yourself there was only me in there the chemicals break stuff down
08:56you dug into a mountain of corporate turds to find your keys yeah they've been eating street hot dogs
09:03i didn't feel like hard poop i felt like diarrhea diarrhea yeah yeah so that's better yeah no
09:11so that's life is crazy this is all i'm saying you just have a crazy life people gathered at an
09:18outdoor corporate event where they probably had street meat and stuff like that which turns to
09:25instant diarrhea and that's all they had and that's all she had that's all up to her elbow yeah
09:31she was she was swimming in poop soup yeah oh my god yeah i was literally blue for like two weeks
09:39i could not get it off the worst it would have it would have felt like a blue minestrone like uh like
09:48yeah double toilet bitch that'll do it thanks for calling in yep you're welcome the life of a face
09:54painter oh yeah i mean i'd be devastated to know that i allowed my child to get to be painted by a
10:01toilet arm poop paint yeah the poop painter it's one thing to go into the blue but it's a whole other
10:08ball game to go back back into the blue part two yeah that's a horror movie back into the blue return to
10:16the blue i would have went with the other arm though just to even it out i guess just yeah
10:22the second time the second time well but you know what reaching with the arm that you don't paint with
10:28if you're going to lose an arm from the blue i guess uh
10:33uh you wouldn't want to double it up oh jesus
10:42oh my god he can't help
10:44i can't
10:53i'm blue i'm a blue i'm gonna give kids to be got
10:57hating faces like a spider man i hope they don't die yeah that's pretty good um nightmare situation
11:05yeah it's not great your whole life is different after that right i mean like you have in life
11:11several things can happen to you where it's just life isn't the same after and i feel like if i fell
11:16into a toilet like that my life's never the same like i think i would every once in a while you just
11:22wake up oh yeah in a in a cold sweat because you're having a blue nightmare yeah because you've lived
11:29it yeah yeah exactly oh dave you're okay but you're not in the blue oh my god would i do that