Therapy Thursday: Open Marriage, Secretly Adopted, Vacationing in Puerto Rico Alone & High Rent
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00:00Therapy Thursday is on.
00:028 at 8, 4, 2, 9, 0, 94, 1.
00:04Any question, Meredith M.D. is here to help.
00:07I am.
00:07I'm trying to do my best.
00:08Davi, the doctor, is here.
00:11Come on.
00:12Ask away.
00:13Ask away.
00:14Orlando BGYN sitting right here with my clipboard.
00:17Whatever we can do to help you get closer to some clarity, we will try.
00:21I think Davi said our numbers was 4 or 5 out of 10.
00:23We're 50%.
00:24You know, but we're here to entertain.
00:26So let's see.
00:278 at 8, 4, 2, 9, 0, 94, 1.
00:30We have one out of the 8, 6, 3 says, my husband asked me for an open marriage and tried to
00:36introduce me to his girlfriend that he has had for six months.
00:40We don't now live together, and he's trying to get me back in the house saying that he
00:45made a mistake.
00:46He damn sure did.
00:47I feel so betrayed.
00:49What the hell do I do?
00:51Including I have a new baby.
00:52Oh, man.
00:53That makes everything so much worse.
00:55What a selfish decision.
00:56He'd just go ahead and do that, and then you want to switch up your entire marriage.
00:59I'm not dealing with a situation like that.
01:01It could easily happen again.
01:02So I would just try to, you know, move on.
01:05That's what I would say.
01:06Move on like divorce?
01:07No, because he's going to get bored again in the relationship, and that's a big, huge
01:11lifestyle change.
01:12It's not something you're like, oh, and then just go back to your regular life.
01:15That could also affect you as far as child rearing, because if this happened when you had
01:21a new baby, then that would mean that if you get pregnant again, you're going to immediately
01:25think, oh, my God, he's out there.
01:26He's trying to move in.
01:27He's out there getting it or whatever.
01:29The chick that he's been sleeping with for six months, you have lost your mind.
01:33Yeah.
01:34Don't let anybody pressure you into a situation that you're not comfortable with.
01:38Baby or not, husband or not, you got to look out for you first and foremost.
01:42This sounds like grounds for leaving, divorce, you know, figuring out a co-parenting situation,
01:49but that's selfish to just spring on somebody.
01:53Especially after you six months ahead.
01:55Here's my girlfriend, by the way.
01:56Right.
01:57Be cool with this.
01:59Can we get an open relationship?
02:00No.
02:01Oh, well, I'm going to have to explain that to my girlfriend.
02:04Like, really?
02:04How does that go?
02:05Yeah.
02:06See, now we're going to fight.
02:07We're on your side.
02:08We're on your side.
02:09All three doctors on your side.
02:10I got one.
02:11It says, I'm a grown adult married with kids, very close with my parents.
02:15I talk to them all the time, meals together, et cetera.
02:18Just found out in a DNA test that I am adopted and they have never told me.
02:23What the hell?
02:24I am not even sure how to approach them about this.
02:27Is there anyone here that would never tell their own children that they were adopted?
02:34And can you help me understand why?
02:35It's a closed, sealed adoption in that state,
02:38but I was able to figure out who my biological parents are with a tiny bit of research.
02:43The real kicker is my son has playdates across the street,
02:46literally from the biological mother,
02:49often and even trick-or-treats with them.
02:52And it happened last year.
02:53We live in the same area.
02:54I'm blown away.
02:55I feel like my parents are going to be very upset.
02:57After doing some research and I found out who they were.
03:00But again, I'm a grown adult.
03:02Why wouldn't they tell me?
03:03I have no idea why they wouldn't, but I mean, it must have been for a reason.
03:10Or just to avoid the drama.
03:12You know what I'm saying?
03:13Like the confusion or whatever.
03:15Some people choose not to have painful conversations because it's easier.
03:20It's easier to avoid it until it's not.
03:22Right.
03:22And right now, it's pretty much on your lap.
03:25So now you got to deal with it.
03:26But they tried to shield you from it as long as they could.
03:28So there might be a reason.
03:30If they love you and care about you, it might be a reason.
03:33It couldn't have been just malicious.
03:35Agreed.
03:35I mean, you're an adult.
03:37They're adults.
03:38I would let it be known that I know.
03:40I would let everybody know.
03:41Guess what I found out today?
03:43How's your day, sweetie?
03:44Oh, not doing well.
03:46Yeah, I don't know.
03:48I don't want you to be mad because somebody kept you out of the loop.
03:52Because people keep you out of the loop for stuff that they're trying to protect you.
03:56You were a kid at the time.
03:57So, you know, and then after that, it's like, why blow up a good thing?
04:02That's got to be part of it.
04:04So, I mean, you can't really be mad at somebody who's trying to do the best thing for you.
04:08Even if they fail, they still had your best interests at heart.
04:12Yeah, those are still your parents.
04:13So if that's anything, don't be mad at them for trying to look out.
04:17They might have made a mistake.
04:18Give them a little bit of a doubt.
04:20If they adopted you, they did you a favor.
04:22Yes.
04:22So don't be mad at them taking you into their house and doing all that, even though they made a mistake on that part.
04:28We got a text out to 863.
04:30It says, my boyfriend wants to go to Puerto Rico for a week.
04:33That's where he's from, and I can't go.
04:35I just started a new job, and I think it would be too soon to take vacation days.
04:40He said we could go together later this year, but I don't feel comfortable with him going at all alone.
04:46I trust him, but he's from a small town.
04:50He's bound to see exes and girls he's dealt with in the past.
04:53I just don't feel good about it.
04:54Whoa.
04:55Way to lose your man.
04:56Insecure.
04:57Damn, for real.
04:58Like, what?
04:58Just because he said you can come, but you can't come.
05:02Right, you can't come.
05:02So now I can't go home?
05:05Yeah.
05:05I mean, that's basically what it translates to.
05:07Yeah, that would be a deal breaker for a lot of people.
05:09Yeah, of course it would.
05:10Like, I can't go home when I want to.
05:12Right, like my family is there, but you might bump into an ex.
05:15Well, of course.
05:17That could potentially happen anywhere.
05:18I can't go to my mama because you insecure?
05:19Like, come on, dog.
05:20Don't do that.
05:20Also, it sounds like she's trying to babysit him.
05:22Like, I have to make sure in case we run into an ex, I'm going to be there because then
05:26you definitely won't sleep with them.
05:27You got a real relationship.
05:29That's important.
05:30So make sure you're looking out for your folks and, you know, like, let them go home and do
05:34their thing, but trust them until you don't have to.
05:37Like, if you, you know, mess up or whatever.
05:40Man, this is, I'm disappointed in y'all.
05:43This morning?
05:43I'll tell you, man.
05:44All right, Justin out of Northport writes us, hey, I wanted to send this question.
05:50Me and my girl have been together for about three years now, for the past year or so.
05:55She's been really, really depressed, and she just hates everything about herself.
06:00Sometimes it just makes me feel like I'm not doing enough for her.
06:04I'm not doing what I need to do to get her out of that state of depression.
06:10And sometimes it just feels really exhausting because I'm going through my own stuff and
06:16family stuff.
06:17I want to be there for her, but I don't know what I should do better for me and for her.
06:26It's hard.
06:28Some people don't understand depression.
06:31I don't know.
06:32Right.
06:32Exactly.
06:32It's because those people don't necessarily, you know, to go through it, you hear all these
06:37horrible stories.
06:37But if you can't experience, it's hard to have empathy during that situation.
06:41I would say seeking professional help and giving that person a little bit of grace.
06:44That's what I was going to say because the average person doesn't understand what makes
06:49you depressed and doesn't understand how to get you out of it.
06:52And sometimes they clam down and you want to talk because you want to try and help them.
06:56And so you make it even more depressing or more stressful.
07:00So you got to let some sort of professional get in there.
07:03And that might not include you for the beginning.
07:06Right.
07:06It might just be her or their partner working on that.
07:09And then as she progresses, maybe you can get involved because you're the partner, but
07:14you got to find her somebody to talk to, to work on her and not feel like you got to be
07:19the savior.
07:19Right.
07:20That's what I was going to say, man.
07:21Cut yourself a little slack.
07:22Don't put all of that pressure on yourself that you're the only one that's able to get
07:27her out of this.
07:28You could be part of the team, but she definitely needs a team and people that have been trained.
07:33Yeah, that's what's up.
07:34All right.
07:34So here's the deal.
07:35We'll take this reset and come back and grab some more of your questions.
07:38We see the text coming in 888-429-0941.
07:42Therapy Thursday is continuing next.
07:44Man, we got a lot of questions coming in here.
07:46888-429-0941.
07:48Therapy Thursday is getting it in.
07:51Yeah.
07:51Let's see.
07:52You want to take the lease?
07:54You want to take what?
07:56That's the one I was going to read was the lease.
07:58It says, hey, freaks, my lease ends in two months and my apartment complex is asking me
08:03to resign.
08:03My rent was $950 when I moved in four years ago, and now it's close to $1,500.
08:10I was thinking about sleeping in my car and bouncing between friends' houses for a year
08:16to save for a down payment on a condo so I could actually own something.
08:21Is this a dumb idea?
08:22My friends are willing to help me stay as well as my sister, but I just don't want to burden
08:27any one individual.
08:28Oh, you're definitely going to burden people.
08:30Absolutely.
08:30I mean, I feel like there's a better way we could go about this, maybe moving further
08:34away where rent is a little bit more affordable.
08:37I don't know if you're living in the city, but this is happening to a lot of people right
08:39now.
08:40You're not the only one.
08:41Sleeping in your car, that feels dangerous, man.
08:44And out here in this world, I don't want to see anybody doing that.
08:49But how much are you going to stack?
08:50If you do a year, that's $1,000 a year, so you got like $12,000 and you think you're going
08:55to be able to go make a move that way?
08:58Like, I mean, you're going to have something in the bank, but I don't think you can buy
09:01something with $12,000.
09:02I would suggest finding another stream of income before you go and start living in your
09:09car.
09:09I would try to figure out a way to earn more money.
09:12Because really, the difference between what you're used to paying and what they want is
09:17$550.
09:19It's still a lot of money, but that's something that you could cover with more revenue coming
09:25in.
09:25Uber, Eats, whatever you can do.
09:26A lot of people are still hiring.
09:28Companies are having the hardest time finding and filling positions.
09:31I think you have the opportunity to, you know, double up what you're making now, and then
09:37that'll become a realistic goal.
09:38Three and a half percent is what you have to put down.
09:41I think that's manageable if you find something in your budget.
09:44Just stack.
09:45Yeah.
09:45Don't sleep in your car.
09:46Don't be homeless.
09:47Yeah, stack it up.
09:48Definitely.
09:48This comes out of the 813.
09:50It says, please help me with your advice.
09:51Betty writes, I'm having co-parenting issues.
09:55His wife wants to take more control over my child than the actual father does.
10:02She wants to take more control than the actual dad?
10:05It says, I'm co-parenting.
10:06So that means that he's the dad.
10:09But his wife wants more control over my child than my actual ex.
10:15Okay.
10:16I mean, it's hard to go back.
10:19As long as the child is loved and cared for and taken care of, I mean, there's different
10:24times in life where somebody else needs to step up and this parent feels like they want
10:28to take advantage of, I don't know, sports or whatever's going on in the child's life.
10:31As long as nothing is going to be detrimental to the kid, then stepping up and taking a little
10:36bit more of the effort and homework or whatever it is, I feel like that's okay.
10:40I think you really have to do some real deal soul searching and figure out if the problem
10:46is actually her wanting to take more control or if you just have a problem with his new
10:52woman, because that could be it.
10:54Because the same thing could be said if she's taking no control and leaving it all up to
10:58him.
10:59Are you just looking for something to nitpick at because you're not happy of the situation?
11:05Because that could be a possibility.
11:07And what's the big thing?
11:09You want to make sure your kid is good.
11:10Yeah.
11:11If he's not there, you want somebody responsible there.
11:15So why not be the buddy-buddy system?
11:18Like say, hey, if you're going to pick up the slack for him, if that makes the kid good,
11:23let's make that the focus.
11:25Don't concentrate on the ex or the ex relationship or any of that stuff.
11:29Is your kid good?
11:30If your kid is good, then that's a moot point right there.
11:32So hopefully that helps because that is an ongoing thing with co-parenting.
11:36We have a Gasparilla question that just came in out of the 813.
11:40Okay.
11:40My boyfriend's brother came down for Gasparilla.
11:42He was all over this girl, but he has a long-term girlfriend he lives with back at home.
11:48I am seeing her this weekend.
11:51I want to tell her to tell.
11:53I would want her to tell me, but I don't want to start any drama.
11:57Okay.
11:58Yeah, you do.
11:59First of all, you are the drama.
12:01Like don't, don't get involved.
12:03You don't, he has a long-term girlfriend at home and you don't know what that relationship is.
12:09Right.
12:10You don't know if they was on the break.
12:11You don't know anything.
12:12Like you're going to thrust yourself into a bunch of stuff that creates the drama.
12:16You just said you don't want to create.
12:17Yeah.
12:18Yeah.
12:18Stay out of it.
12:19That's other people's business.
12:20Just stay out of it.
12:21Don't do that.
12:22You saw what happened.
12:23You know what type of person he is.
12:24That's what you saw.
12:25You saw nothing.
12:26I didn't even go to Gasparilla.
12:27Like don't do that.
12:28We got a text out to 813.
12:29It says, I want to create a GoFundMe account to help with my weight loss surgery, yet my
12:34husband doesn't want me to do it because he is afraid of what people might say.
12:38I don't, because what they might say, he really need, he knows I need this surgery to
12:44help with my depression and my anxiety, but he doesn't get it because his pride.
12:49What should I do?
12:50Well, this is a big deal between all of us in the room.
12:54So we think that GoFundMe should be for something that's very detrimental, something very serious
12:59that happens in your life, maybe like a funeral.
13:01It's serious to hurt, though.
13:03I know, but people are going to side-eye her.
13:05I don't want to side-eye you, but I mean, I'm people.
13:08When you say people going to talk, we talked about this a couple weeks ago where I was just
13:11like, listen, I think people are running to the GoFundMe too fast.
13:14But if this is life-threatening, then you have to make that decision and maybe explain
13:21it to your man, saying that this depression that you're going through is life-challenging.
13:26Absolutely.
13:27That's what it's for.
13:28Yeah.
13:29Also, be prepared.
13:30If you go the GoFundMe route, you're making this essentially like a public journey.
13:34So people are going to keep asking you about it.
13:36They're going to want updates.
13:37It's not going to be a private matter between you and your husband or you and your recovery.
13:41It's going to be kind of like front page, part of your press release.
13:45When people see, oh, girl, how's that weight loss go?
13:48Are you supposed to be eating that?
13:49Right.
13:50You know, there's going to be a lot of questions.
13:52Especially if they donated money.
13:53Yes.
13:54Especially if they donated money.
13:55I gave you $100.
13:56You better put that ham sandwich down.
13:58That's what I'm saying.
13:59Yeah.
14:00All right.
14:01All right.
14:02Let's see.
14:02We'll grab one more.
14:03I have one here that just came in.
14:04I'm having a lesbian affair with an Indian woman who is in an arranged marriage.
14:10We both came from very strict Christian families.
14:14Please help.
14:16Help you do what?
14:17You seem like you get all the help you got.
14:19You're having a relationship with a woman that has an arranged marriage.
14:23So she's in something she don't love.
14:24She's in one.
14:25Yeah.
14:25She's in one too because there's an affair.
14:28That's a mess.
14:29I mean, what can we help you with?
14:31Like help you find places to sneak?
14:33Yeah.
14:34The Rand Motel in St. Peter's got mirrors and hot tubs.
14:38I don't know what to tell you other than you doing wrong.
14:41But, okay, I don't know as much about arranged marriages as like other folks maybe in the room.
14:47The arrangers?
14:48The arrangers.
14:49I mean, because, you know, like you can arrange it like a traditional thing, like the Indian type of thing they're referring to.
14:55Or it's arranged ones like for citizenship and stuff like that.
14:58So if they're business relationships, do they allow you to step out?
15:02Do they allow you to step out like that?
15:03No, I don't think so.
15:05Okay.
15:05Well, then, yeah, I can't really help you.
15:07Well, make a decision.
15:08Do you guys want to be together?
15:09Are you the only one?
15:09I mean, it sounds like y'all want to be together.
15:11If it's arranged, that means that you got some sort of benefit from it.
15:14Whether, I don't know if you were able to stay here or if they, usually if they're arranged, the dude's got some money or something.
15:22Like, you know, like they ain't just arranging two poor people to be together.
15:24Like some dude, probably is the older dude.
15:27He could have some livestock or something.
15:29Yeah, you know, like some cattle.
15:30Yeah, he got something.
15:31Just be ready, like keep this on the low.
15:34This is, if you need, if you want help and you want advice, my advice is keep this on the low.
15:38The Indian family, they're going to be broken and distraught.
15:41Your very, your quote unquote, very strict Christian family.
15:43Broken.
15:44They're going to be broken.
15:45You broke a whole bunch of their rules.
15:47A lot of stuff is breakable right now.
15:49So keep it on the low or don't do it all together.
15:53Don't leave your person for the person you're having an affair with.
15:56That's all I'm going to say.
15:57It's never going to work out.
15:59And let us be the last people you tell about this.
16:01Yeah.
16:02Like, don't tell nobody else.
16:03Right.
16:03We're not going to tell nobody else.
16:04Although we want to know if you guys break up or stay together.
16:07I want to know.
16:07Don't ever mention it again.
16:09And the people, all the people listening to your story, we're going to have them all promise too.
16:13Don't nobody mention it.
16:14We're going to leave this in the dirt.