Therapy Thursday: My Man Shows Up Underdressed Constantly!
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00:00which therapist you need therapy thursday now on wild 94.1 i understand therapy
00:04therapy thursday is here this is where we give you answers to your questions and they can range
00:11any way from relationship to work situation if you got just any kind of uh weirdness we welcome
00:19the weird we love that 888-429-0941 davi on board yes meredith is here i'm here and we got ken
00:27actually on the line he called last week after we got wrapped up and said he would check in and he
00:31was the first one to call this morning how you doing this morning good how are you pretty good
00:37all right so let's see here we got a situation and you said uh you're trying to land the girl so give
00:44us a little synopsis on what your question is yes so basically i'm an adult male who is single and
00:52looking for love so basically my situation is that i've tried different avenues towards looking
01:00for love including like online and going out to social parties things like that but nothing seems
01:07to be working so i was trying to see what insights or different methods that i could use to then my
01:14goal well now let me ask you this are you are you um are you finding people that are in your like
01:20what you're interested in and and not able to close the deal are you just not finding good options that
01:25fit your uh your particular taste yes i'm just not finding good options okay interesting well you
01:32called the right show by the way i i think one of the things that i think you're doing wrong is looking
01:38for love i think you should be looking for friendship i think you should be looking for people with
01:44common interests as of you that could maybe grow into a relationship possibly into love i think
01:52you're trying to hit a home run and your first at bat when like a single would be just enough putting
01:57too much pressure on himself on himself on her it kind of radiates you know you feel that yes you also
02:03don't want to uh lay out even though honesty is the best policy it's not always timed well so you don't
02:09want to tell them you know i'm looking for love i'm you know i'm trying to find you know they don't need to
02:14know what you're trying to find just be nice enough for them to want to be around you for a good hot
02:18minute and then maybe shoot for two minutes you know i'm saying and let it go you know from there
02:22like i don't think you need to lay out the pressure of hey here's my intentions and
02:26blah blah blah blah just you know be a good guy well if you put pressure on yourself then she's going
02:31to feel that at the same time but also we need some confidence in yourself you know what i mean like
02:35you can you can go out there you will find them eventually you know just go out there and yeah
02:41exactly what orlando said that word pressure it can take a lot off your shoulders if you just go
02:46out there looking to have a good time instead of expecting to find the wife all right and and don't
02:52don't be too shy about this either like you don't let her let her feel that you're a little bit more
02:56confident when you do talk to the one that you know you're interested in just don't get cocky but
03:01just you know feel like you've been there before at least give the air that you've been there before
03:05but be true yourself all right and shoot a lot of shots shoot a lot of shots all over the bay
03:10all over the bay you know everybody you know the translation of shooting your shot right that
03:15means take your to ask somebody for coffee a couple times you know i'm saying it ain't got to be just
03:21one and if somebody bites go for it bite back
03:23all right can i decide one thing sure yeah which one ask yes to all the women out there you're the
03:35best keep doing your thing all right bro thanks man good luck buddy it's tough out there that's we
03:42hear that all the time it's so hard to date man i mean but you know what though it's hard to compete
03:48when you're looking online and we're seeing what all these guys are doing and it's like you know
03:52with the expectations of women being up there it's like some guys feel like you know i gotta
03:56it's hard to find and maybe don't be so nice he seems really nice yeah sometimes being nice you
04:02know what they say about the nice guy be a bleephole you know where the nice guy fit it be a little
04:06bit a little bit see that you just ruined it's true it's true he's too nice don't be so available
04:11don't be available as a guy that has been told by ladies it hurts you know you're just too nice
04:17i know look at you and ken both single me and ken need to hang out hey ken i'm off this weekend
04:26orlando you want to come hang you want to go hang out with him hey me and ken go go hang out
04:30we look at some anime we look at some anime david took a shot at you i don't know if you heard that
04:35shade was thrown oh man all right sorry about that
04:39we got a text out the 941 it says my man refuses to dress up ever come as you are is his life's
04:48motto dinner at a restaurant church even christmas he is painfully underdressed nah son i have a wedding
04:54coming up and i'm wondering if it's okay to not tell him about it i want to rsvp for just me i don't
05:00want him coming super casual and embarrassing me we've talked about this multiple times okay we have to
05:05have a sit down conversation about the way you make us look and the way you are making me feel
05:11about not inviting you to a wedding we are in a relationship i feel attacked well you should feel
05:15attacked because you've been attacking me you haven't been listening to me and i feel like if
05:20you don't even put on a pair of pants or shoes you got a vibe i mean you're messing up i get that you
05:26are the way you want to be but at the end of the day there has to be a compromise here you don't
05:30have to wear a three-piece suit can i wear my gator hat can you no not to a wedding my gator hat
05:35no no no college hats no jerseys no nothing can we put that to the side and i'll help you i will
05:40dress you let's go out spend the day or an hour or two let's just if you ever hear the term you're
05:46making us look bad you have to correct whatever you've been doing yeah and embarrassing you're
05:54embarrassing me like we can't go to a wedding oh hell no you know what it would be nice if you
05:59are in a position to treat your man like take them to a take them to a place and just say listen
06:04we're going out and then take him to uh a brooks brothers or take him to the nordstroms or
06:09somewhere where a stylist can say you know what let's show him what it looks like because a guy
06:14seeing himself even though he's all about his gator hat and it's all about his crocs and everything
06:19else welcome to florida we have a lot of it but if you take somebody to a space and it ain't got to
06:23be highfalutin you could take him to hell ma's brothers y'all remember that all right you can take
06:27just take him somewhere where somebody could put him in a suit and he can see it differently
06:32and then you look at him and you're like now that right there that's the man i want to see
06:36also tell him it's a little unattractive at the same time give him a little bit of boost though
06:40i give him what do they say it's like a poop sandwich you give him a compliment yes then put
06:44the work in the middle and sandwiches with the goods and be like baby i love you and everything
06:48but i would just like to see you in a diverse kind of thing i've never wanted you more when you dress up
06:53and when that little guy comes through with the tape measure it's always a little guy he's never
06:56big a little guy come through with the tape measure taylor yeah you feel like a boss the guy
07:01yeah little guy tape measure measuring stuff your legs your thing your chest dog has never bought
07:06one suit and you can obviously i know that little guy that little man that little man with the tape
07:10remeasure my arm hey little man all right that's what you got you got to make him feel so good
07:18looking that he is now leo dicaprio standing there in that suit confident look at him just be like
07:24can we go can we take this suit out to the car for a second he will now be on your team all right
07:28more questions 888-429-0941 we got it after future freak show wild 94 one base party station your
07:35questions will get answered with therapy thursday marith md has a question for us what you got yes it
07:41says good morning so this is my dilemma i've been married for 21 years in august when we first got
07:47married he could not afford to get me a ring but we have been together for over seven years was
07:52getting ready to relocate to tampa so my grandma said you're not going to follow me no way if he's
07:58not your husband so we got married it was three months to plan and we really couldn't afford a
08:04wedding ring my best friend's boy uh got us a wedding band for my first anniversary to come around
08:10he buys me a ring from a jewelry store a very small nothing i ever showed him i told him i wanted
08:17um it was going to be a really big problem 20 years ago i wore that ring all these years my 20th
08:25wedding anniversary came up last year and i'm thinking about upgrading it um but he told me that
08:31it's negative he doesn't want to and it's old-fashioned ring um if he would have said this
08:38is for our 20th anniversary uh nobody gave the ring back now i have to live with the fact that i love a man
08:44and i'm in a relationship for life with a ring that i don't want i say bye get your own upgrade if
08:51it's not going to happen through him and you've told him and you're not feeling it and you've been
08:55patiently waiting for 20 years at this point screw his feelings if you you have to live with this thing
09:02drop some bread and get something you like you wore it for 20 years she is right i believe so i think
09:09they're 20 it was kind of jumbled it was that's what that's what i got yeah at first it would they
09:14were they couldn't afford it now 20 20 years later she's still stuck with it you can't i'm just gonna
09:20put it in a simple term you can't get mad at a dog for peeing in the house if you let him pee in the
09:25house for 20 years you kept this ugly ring for two decades like okay it's time to upgrade you are
09:32can absolutely upgrade but you basically if you didn't like it you should have said something
09:35i'm not saying immediately like you know don't blow up the engagement or whatever if he proposes
09:41but after 20 somewhere in that 20 years was a perfect opportunity to either go do it yourself
09:47or do it now but that's fine but like you've allowed this i think she has brought it up it
09:54was jumbled you're you're right but there was something in there about she brought it up and he
09:59said no because he's old-fashioned or something like that right it was talk to text so just yeah so
10:03it was old-fashioned ring she don't like it because it's old school i would not like a ring
10:07to discern how much you love me i would if as a person who has been married i would hate that the
10:13ring you don't like means that now you like oh well i am i'm wasting my time like no our love is our
10:19love i mean let's get better hardware if we need it but it shouldn't make his love under some sort of
10:26kind of microscope you know i'm saying yeah like it's just an ugly ring yeah and it's something you can
10:30live in an ugly house and still be in a happy marriage yeah it's not as important to him as
10:33it is to you so it's never going to be a priority for him yeah i say do it yourself so go out there
10:38and get you an upgrade feel better about it come home he'll see you happy happy wife happy life push
10:43on yeah maybe she's done it earlier get that thing we got a text it says out the 904 my wife never
10:48apologizes or holds herself accountable for anything she does wrong is this normal it's with marriage
10:55with work with friends etc she will wreak havoc and walk away like nothing happened orlando is that
11:01normal as hell really in my life it is i was married i was married i never heard i'm sorry is
11:08there something you could do to that personality type to work on it or let them see the air in
11:14their ways at least no i mean i i will tell you that everybody has to be themselves um and you can't
11:20really expect people to change the same way they say you don't marry somebody and expect them to
11:24change believe who they are i always thought apologizing would make it seem more normal
11:30so i would overly i was like man you know hey i'm sorry about that blah blah but at some point it's
11:35like oh i know you's hard you know what i'm saying like it's just you know it ain't it doesn't pull
11:40uh empathy from other people it's just got to be in you so i say you know don't let it tarnish who you
11:47are still be you know as forgiving and and and as gracious as you want to be with that with those
11:53be the one that you expect to see like you know show them how you would expect them to treat you
11:59because that's you know the way you're going to treat them treat them fair it's exhausting being
12:03in a relationship with somebody that can never understand when they're wrong or at least apologize
12:07i get how some people have a hard time apologizing but if you never want to apologize but if somebody
12:12has doubled down like they really have doubled down on it like listen all the time i am not going to be
12:18that person that you're going to make feel bad for x y and z and you're like wow that's not
12:23attractive you know i'm saying it's it but that's in them yeah and you and you know you signed up for
12:27that that's why it's you got either tap out yes or you got to swallow it but you can't expect them to
12:33change you can hope they change right and you can hope you inspire it or a pastor or somebody inspires
12:38change but a lot of times it ain't gonna happen and the fact that you said that this is in every aspect
12:42of their life it's not just marriage but you they brought out family friends work that's who they
12:47are yeah i'm telling you i just seen people get mad mad and it's like yeah i don't see an apology
12:52though it's like so i know it ain't it ain't malicious it ain't just me it was like yeah that
12:56just ain't in me and some people ain't got that that's a learned behavior by the way yeah but you
13:00know what if you love them you said you chose them you chose you knew that you chose yeah so all this
13:07is your fault it's all your fault and i'm glad we got to the bottom of it right here there you go