Therapy Thursday: A guy wants his girlfriend to go back to work while pregnant!
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Which therapist do you need?
00:01Therapy Thursday.
00:02Now on Wild 94.1.
00:03I understand therapy.
00:04Hi, everybody.
00:06Hi, Dr. Nick.
00:07It's Therapy Thursday.
00:09That's where we give you a straight note chaser.
00:1260-second session is not always the best thing for you to hear
00:16because it's honest and sometimes you got to swallow your pride,
00:20but we will keep it honest.
00:23Yes.
00:23A lot of times it's necessary.
00:24Necessary talk talk right here.
00:26And Davi wants to make sure it's necessary so he can tell you.
00:30He loves it.
00:30Because he will break up your relationship in a heartbeat.
00:33We got some compassion.
00:34Davi will trounce your stuff.
00:36All right.
00:36888-429-0941.
00:38You can text or you can call.
00:40We got calls and texts.
00:41Who are we going to first?
00:42Let's go to the phone.
00:43All right.
00:44We got Robin.
00:46Robin's on the phone.
00:47How you doing this morning?
00:49Hi.
00:50I'm good.
00:50Thanks for taking my call.
00:52I love your show.
00:53I need some help.
00:54We love you, too.
00:55And we got help for you.
00:56Who you want?
00:57Dr. Davi, Meredith, MD, or Orlando BGYN?
01:01Oh, I'm going with Orlando.
01:03Okay.
01:04All right.
01:04Well, what's up?
01:05What's your question?
01:06Okay.
01:07All right.
01:07I just need some advice on my situation.
01:11Okay.
01:12So, my husband and I, we share a wonderful 18-month-old son.
01:17Okay.
01:18Um, we've been married for almost two years, dating three and a half years.
01:24Um, so I do most of the work around the house because we live with my family and, you know,
01:30I'm also employed.
01:32So, he watches our son most of the time.
01:35Um, however, we have been very distant for some time now.
01:41Like, very distant, like, not like man and wife.
01:44And I had asked him to leave by December of last year.
01:50And, obviously, he's still here, you know, and then coronavirus hit and everything.
01:55And here's the thing.
01:56I do want us to co-parent.
01:59And I do, you know, want what's best for my son.
02:02But, my husband's just fighting me every step of the way because he basically is refusing
02:08to give up on this marriage, even though I've given up on it.
02:10Like, I've been done with it for over a year.
02:13And I know that he's hurting.
02:14And I know it's hard through this process, you know, of our family taking on this new
02:18dynamic.
02:18But I also know that I am going to be so much happier in the long run.
02:24He's going to be, everyone's going to be in the long run.
02:26So, you want to know how to get him out of the situation or how to motivate him or what?
02:32Exactly, exactly.
02:33So, I'm wondering, like, is there any other way that I can just, like, help him understand
02:38and cope through a divorce process because he's just, like, not willing?
02:43And my friends, you know, my friends are like, you're just being too nice, letting him stay.
02:46I mean, here's the thing.
02:47He's a great father.
02:49You know, he's great at that.
02:51And I appreciate that.
02:52I just know we can't be married.
02:53But he, like, refuses.
02:54So, I don't know how to, like, I don't know how to, like, divorce him.
02:58Like, he won't.
02:59He's, like, refusing, you know.
03:00And he's just, yeah.
03:02Okay.
03:02Well, first of all, like, because I'm trying to understand.
03:05It was a lot to unpack now.
03:07And I'm going to try and do this in our 60-second session.
03:09But let me just make sure I'm clear first.
03:11You guys live with your family.
03:13Exactly, yeah.
03:15Okay.
03:15So, I just wanted to make sure.
03:16Because that part is kind of a sticky situation, okay?
03:20So, here's the deal.
03:22You've got to make it about your son and his relationship.
03:26And make sure you strengthen that.
03:27Like, make sure he understands that that doesn't change.
03:30The fact that you guys got this rift in between you is a big roadblock.
03:35And you kind of got to point the parenting away from the relationship.
03:41Make that part great.
03:42Make this part over here a lot of honest conversation.
03:45Like, look, we don't get along.
03:46Look, we are both miserable.
03:48And it would kind of help if you weren't in the house with them.
03:52Because both of you guys are in there in a needed situation.
03:56So, you can't really throw him away.
03:59But he does have to find a plan.
04:01And maybe you guys, as you're discussing, hey, well, listen.
04:05We're going to have to get out of this family situation.
04:07Obviously, we're not getting, you know, along.
04:10So, what are your options on where you're going?
04:13Like, you know, make it like you're.
04:15Because you want him in a good space.
04:17Because your kid's going to be there.
04:18So, let's make it all about your son.
04:21Make it all about the baby.
04:23Make it all about where he's going.
04:24So, he understands he's going somewhere.
04:27And you're going somewhere.
04:29Both of us are getting out of here.
04:31But we also got to make sure our kid is great.
04:33Make all the focus about the child.
04:36And if you're not into reconciliation, that has to be part of the conversation.
04:40But honesty is always best in that situation.
04:43Tear the Band-Aid off.
04:44Don't take it off slowly.
04:46Yeah.
04:47But don't just kick him out either.
04:49I mean, you know, with COVID and all that other craziness, that was that.
04:52But now everything's reopening.
04:54So, you can start having the conversation and just keep it centered around the little angel in the middle.
05:00Don't lead him on.
05:01The innocence in the middle will buffer a lot of it.
05:03Okay?
05:04Yeah.
05:05For sure.
05:05For sure.
05:06That's so great.
05:07Yeah.
05:07It's just got the wheels turning.
05:08Like, maybe it's about, like, finding us both, like, a little cute, you know, nice apartment where my boy will like to play.
05:14And you have to be so into where he's going, it's going to make it seem like, and don't let him misread it as care.
05:22Because, trust me, I've been in a situation where I'm like, oh, I really love you.
05:26And so, every gesture you do is going to be seen as something else.
05:31So, keep it around.
05:31Keep it about the baby.
05:33I just want to make sure the baby's going to be safe because you've got to find a great place.
05:36Don't be like, ooh, let's find you a good place because this is cute.
05:39That sounds like too much love.
05:41Don't mess up the messages.
05:43Okay?
05:44Ooh, that's great.
05:45Yes.
05:45I will take that advice.
05:47Yes.
05:47That's awesome.
05:48All right.
05:48Good luck.
05:49Okay.
05:50Thank you so much.
05:50I so appreciate it.
05:51I love your show, you guys.
05:53Let's see.
05:54We got Jess on the line.
05:55They're rolling in.
05:56Jess, hey, how you doing this morning?
05:59Good.
05:59How are you guys?
06:00Pretty good.
06:01I got Dr. Davi for you.
06:02What question you got?
06:03What's up, Jess?
06:04Okay.
06:05So, I've been dating this guy for a couple months and we got quarantine pregnant.
06:13Oh, you got a quarantine, baby.
06:16Well, congrats.
06:17Congratulations.
06:20But we kind of moved in together really fast.
06:26And so, it's my place or whatever and we live together.
06:30And basically, like, you know, I pay all my bills, whatever, whatever.
06:35But it's like to the point of now, it's like kind of hard for me to like, you know, work and get a lot of hours.
06:44I'm used to pulling doubles.
06:46But it's like, it's weighing down on me.
06:49So, I just like a couple weeks ago, I asked him, you know, I need help with like, you know, the light bill and this and that and the third.
06:56And he just like laid it on me, like, you know, I'm on child support and blah, blah, blah.
07:03And I'm just like, no, like, you know, like, I thought your kids were older or whatever.
07:09Like, he has like a 20-year-old and an 18-year-old.
07:13So, they're like older.
07:14So, I'm like, well, I don't know, like, you know, I'm not a guy.
07:18So, I don't know how child support works.
07:20So, I guess like they like took like a lot of his paycheck or whatever.
07:26He had back child support probably.
07:28So, he's paying back child support.
07:31Okay.
07:32That.
07:33And it's like, it's killing me because I really like need the help now.
07:38Because I'm like, again, I'm pregnant.
07:40I'm almost about to pop.
07:42So, I'm like, you know, I want to come home.
07:44I want to chill and I want like the security thing or whatever.
07:48So, at this point, it's like, I don't know.
07:51Should I just like kick him out and just like do it by myself?
07:55Or should I just like try to stick it out and like see where it goes?
08:00Because I feel like at this point, like child support isn't going anywhere.
08:04There's nothing like I would be able to do like about it or him for that matter.
08:10Because we've had the conversation about like him going down to see if they could like.
08:14Okay, Jess.
08:15I got what you're saying.
08:17So, you made a big mistake when you moved a grown man into your house without really laying the ground rules of the house.
08:26But with that said, it's not too late.
08:28You have to tell him what your expectations are for him to live there.
08:32This is what the bills are and this is what at least I need you to contribute.
08:37If child support is really weighing you down, well, I understand that.
08:41But at the same time, we have bills right here and right now.
08:45And if you're going to live here, you have to follow these guidelines.
08:49Also, this is going to be a test for not just you guys together, but you personally to see how he's going to be when you bring a kid into the world.
09:00Is he going to duck and dodge his responsibilities?
09:01Is he going to be late on everything and on helping like he had been with his previous kids?
09:08So, I think the first thing is it starts with you having to sit him down and let him know exactly what your expectations are for him to live in your house.
09:18Because ultimately, he's living in your house so you can lay some ground rules.
09:22So, that won't go against like the submissive woman position.
09:30Don't even start with me on that one.
09:32The big thing with that whole-
09:33Oh, you submitted.
09:34You did.
09:35Yeah.
09:36The woman could be submissive when she had a man that was a leader.
09:41A provider.
09:41And he had the best intentions for their household in mind at all times.
09:46Her requests were always thought of and it was always part of his decision making.
09:51I don't think you have that situation going on right now.
09:54Your king ain't on a crown type thing.
09:56Not a luxury.
09:57No, you the king right now.
09:59I mean, the late bill isn't even- I mean, that's not the most expensive bill and he's dodging that.
10:03Yeah.
10:04No, like he didn't dodge it.
10:06He paid it.
10:07Good.
10:07But it was like I had to ask.
10:10I don't want to have to ask.
10:11Yeah.
10:11I just want you to do.
10:13So, just set out a budget.
10:15Okay.
10:16His responsibility is your responsibility.
10:18Because all the baby bills are about to come up too and that is expensive every month.
10:22It comes with getting to know each other but usually people don't get to know each other while they're pregnant.
10:27I guess it's like an independent thing with me because like I work and like I bust my ass.
10:33Like, I'm a full-time nurse so I don't like asking for things.
10:38Like, I don't do it.
10:39So, I guess I'm going to have to know.
10:41You're a nurse.
10:42You have duties when you're at the hospital or when you're at the doctor's office.
10:45You have a checklist.
10:46You have stuff that you do.
10:47So, dude, your house like that.
10:48He has bills.
10:49You have bills.
10:50Y'all have responsibilities.
10:51If they don't get done, then he get wrote up and then get fired.
10:55You know?
10:55So, just do it that way.
10:56Okay?
10:56I like this text.
10:57Your house.
10:57Your rules.
10:58Yeah.
10:58There you go.
10:59For real.
10:59There you go.
10:59For real.
11:00All right.
11:00Let's see.
11:00Josh is on the phone.
11:01Hey, Josh.
11:02What's up?
11:03Hey, how you doing?
11:04Pretty good.
11:05You got a question for...
11:06Okay.
11:07You got a question for me.
11:08What's up?
11:10All right.
11:10I got a question.
11:11It's me and my fiancee, we just...
11:14Can you roll the window up or whatever?
11:15It's something in the background.
11:17Maybe it's a speakerphone.
11:19You got it.
11:19How about that?
11:21Me and my fiancee...
11:22Well, she's currently pregnant right now.
11:24But I saw that her worth ethic, like, it's just going down a little bit.
11:29And I'm more of the type of person that I could be very harsh with my words.
11:35And I don't want to be rude or anything, but I want to see, like, is there, like, a little bit of a sweeter way I could word it to, like, let her know that work is important because of, obviously, bills, expenses, everything.
11:51She's pregnant, right?
11:53How many months?
11:55She is five months.
11:57Oh, have some fun with that.
11:59Oh, go ahead.
12:00That's right in the middle of it.
12:01Wow.
12:03Damn, Meredith, you really should...
12:04I mean, okay.
12:06He said you...
12:06I mean...
12:07I thought about it.
12:07I was like, maybe Meredith would know because she's a female, but I don't know.
12:11I mean, here's the thing, dog.
12:12It's like, I mean, you have to...
12:14You kind of got to get into the...
12:16Okay, we're going to keep it a buck.
12:18Yes, please.
12:18If you have a kid that's coming into the world, a child, like, this is your time to be a provider.
12:25You shouldn't be moving away from providing.
12:28And even though you are, you're doing, you know, what you're supposed to do, and you need her help,
12:34it might be a situation where life is changing, like, her body is changing, and she might not be handling this the best.
12:41So she is not in a way to go work harder.
12:44She's winding down as her body is opening up for this miracle.
12:48She's doing her best.
12:49So, you know what I'm saying?
12:50Like, even though she might not...
12:51Five months...
12:52There's ladies who work till they drop.
12:54I mean, I watched Meredith do it twice.
12:56I've watched many people do it, and I've also watched some people sit their ass down.
13:00And not have any job.
13:01And not have any job and never go back to work.
13:03Right.
13:04You know, so it's not like you have to do it one way.
13:09If you need the help, then have a discussion about budgeting, have a discussion to show that you are the leader.
13:15Like, even if it's not just you, but sit down with her as a partner and say, hey, yo, this is what we need.
13:21We, us.
13:22Like, you know, if you're not going to be working, then we have to figure out some sort of way.
13:26But don't just make it, hey, she's only five months and I need you to do it.
13:30Because there's no sweet way you could say, get up and go get more jobs when you're pregnant.
13:36That's not going to ring well with her.
13:39Yeah, I work 60 hours a week.
13:41Yeah.
13:42And trust me, I don't think you're being lazy.
13:45I think that, you know, you just, you guys probably should have had this conversation prior.
13:52Just like we just told, you know, our last caller, like, these conversations are great.
13:58It's almost like you're getting to know each other.
13:59Because when you create this kind of, like, you know, budgeting and plan, that's when you are planning.
14:06And you guys have kind of remixed it by working backwards.
14:10She's going through a lot, O.
14:11I mean, being pregnant is very difficult.
14:13But I'm not going to baby her because there's a lot of soldiers out there, a lot of ladies who have had babies and worked because they were by themselves.
14:21So it can happen.
14:22Yeah, my sister worked at Tosie.
14:23She basically went to Waterbrook at work.
14:25Right.
14:26That was my mindset.
14:28But maybe you have your sister talk with her, but not to tell her what she's doing wrong, but just to compare notes.
14:36Maybe there's something with her job she can be doing.
14:39So just let her know that there's a need.
14:42If she sees you frustrated about the budgeting, then she might want to help.
14:46But you're going to have to be very sensitive about it because you don't want to come off like a jerk.
14:53And that's the thing.
14:54And don't compare it to your sister.
14:55And don't compare a pregnant woman to another pregnant woman because every pregnancy is different.
14:59Every pregnancy is different.
15:00Bodies are different and everything else.
15:02But having somebody who can talk to her and say, hey, this is what I did, but your body is different.
15:08You have to listen to your body.
15:09You know what I'm saying?
15:10Like, you just got to have some help and kind of help them walk you through it.
15:14All right?
15:15For sure.
15:16But don't be like, hey, you need to get up and do stuff.
15:19That never works.
15:20Listen and be sensitive.
15:21All right?
15:23That's a lot of people out here having babies.
15:24She's not going to be pregnant forever.
15:25You got to keep that in mind.
15:26Being pregnant is difficult for a lot of women.
15:29And he's getting killed on the text line right now.
15:31So I'm just trying to be helpful on both sides.
15:33I knew he was going to get killed because it's like, soon as he said it, I was like, ooh.
15:36I also, I don't know if she's not like bringing in as much as she was before.
15:40And so that's what's weighing on him.
15:42I'm not sure.
15:42But yeah, just be sensitive to her right now.
15:44She won't be pregnant forever.
15:45Meredith, you have a question.
15:47Okay.
15:47I need a guy's opinion about this, but I'm going to ask you, Meredith M.D.
15:54Okay.
15:54You have me worried.
15:55Being a ride or die or being stupid.
15:58If you try and forgive stupid cheating and they do it again, how many times make you stupid
16:05instead of that ride or die girl when you have three children involved?
16:10Oh, yeah.
16:11See, I'm ride or die until you start offending me and putting our family in jeopardy.
16:17Because that's not who I am as a person.
16:19So if you're asking me my personal opinion on staying with somebody that's going to cheat
16:23on me repeatedly, absolutely not.
16:26It's not healthy for you.
16:27It's not healthy for the kids.
16:29It's not healthy to bring that into the family dynamic.
16:32So is that one and done?
16:33Or is that like, okay.
16:34For me personally, me personally, because I have been cheated on before, I'm a one and
16:38done type of chick.
16:39Like, I can't never trust you again.
16:41There's a lot of women that'll at least do twice.
16:43Like, okay, you had your mistake and he'll never do it again.
16:46And that's totally fine for them.
16:48For me personally, it's a one and done.
16:49I don't want to ever be with somebody that's going to cheat on me ever again, ever again.
16:53So especially if you have kids, that's so heartbreaking to break up a family and all
16:57that.
16:57But how many times do you, does he need to disrespect you as a person?
17:01It's just, no, take a step back.
17:03You can find somebody who's going to love and appreciate you and somebody that deserves
17:07you.
17:07So, and your, your kids need to see that.
17:10They need to see somebody take care of you in the right way and not disrespect you repeatedly.
17:14Thanks.
17:15All right.
17:15Let's see.
17:16What?
17:17Are we done?
17:18Yeah, we're done.
17:18I think we got it.
17:19All right.
17:19That's another one right there.
17:21We're late.