Therapy Thursday: How Do You Tell Your Significant Other To Just Put The Phone Down?
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00:00wild 94.1 i understand therapy hi everybody hi dr nick all right it's therapy thursday that means
00:07we are here for service of you we want to help you out all you got to do is hit us 888-429-0941
00:14and give us a question we'll shoot you straight uh we'll try and be kind but try sometimes it
00:20hurts and then we that's what we hit in it's in the killer tell you about yourself i mean
00:26davi's very unapologetic about that kind of stuff all right dr davi meredith md orlando bgyn we
00:32here for you 60 second sessions on the clock what we got i got one for you orlando what is that i am
00:37a 62 year old widowed woman my husband and i were happily married for 43 years and then he lost his
00:44life to pancreatic cancer we had a lovely life and a wonderful family for beautiful children who all
00:49grew up and moved away after my husband passed i decided to retire to florida which was my dream
00:55and i started dating a much younger man and having a romantic fling he's 35 and my oh my my adult kids
01:02are acting like i've lost my damn mind and they keep trying to interfere with my romantic life this
01:08young man and i have what you might call an arrangement and it just suits me just fine i can
01:14live my retired life with a bit of sweet tail on the side but my kids need to mind their own business
01:19did she say sweet tail she did say that how do i handle my kids and make sure that they mind their
01:25own business that's that 62 coming listen listen you might be grown linda listen linda you don't say
01:31sweet tail to your kids ever i don't care how old your kids are they don't want to know about you
01:36getting anything sweet first of all you're a grown woman and you deserve to have your itches scratched
01:42i'm just gonna be honest with you if this man is scratching your itches that you need
01:48get them scratched but the the family members are looking out for you because they don't want you to
01:54be taken advantage of they don't want some dude sliding in your wheel and then mess around and
01:59scratch you too hard and then you hit your head and then he get all of the lands and acres break your
02:03hips so you know you don't you so they looking out for you because they don't really can they ain't
02:08concerned with your itch your itch is your problem so get it scratched that has nothing to do with them
02:12so leave them away from that and and and don't let them comment on it but let them protect you
02:18let them be aware of where you are let them be aware of any moves don't get don't be pillow talking
02:24your way into no signing no paperwork or girl promising him any things that's going to affect
02:29your family your family's your family and your fun is your fun keep them separate it's hard to do
02:34keep them separate girl i'd be all up in my mom's business but you know what keep them feet to jesus girl
02:37that'll keep you young yeah you know what i'm saying that's a little that's a little
02:41it feels good at the time right a little bit of something right there all right let's see here
02:46we got uh somebody on the line uh diana is on the line diana hey how you doing this morning
02:51hi good morning you got a question for dr davi he is here i do i do okay so i'll make the like
03:00question short um basically okay so um basically 25 um i just moved into my own house um i got my own
03:09career and everything going on um basically i've been messing with this dude well i haven't been
03:14messing i've been like in a relationship with this dude for like over two years and a half um he's on
03:19lost you know to kind of like met you know two babies who got two new marriages so um finally
03:27he's like getting his shit together but okay all right don't don't cuss don't you can't cuss
03:32no don't don't don't cuss oh sorry right so he's getting his stuff together um basically um but
03:41i kind of feel kind of like feel alone um in the past um he's kind of like cheated um and so we've
03:50kind of like not resolved it but i've kind of like pushed it um swept it under the rug kind of
03:57type thing um but basically i'm not a point in my life where i'm like 25 you know i'm not with the
04:02with the crap no more um so what's the question what's the question that you want to ask
04:09oh oh man oh we lost her she she hung up right before the question well you know you know well
04:17you know the backstory um what advice what advice would you give him it sounds like she's kind of
04:22falling out of love with this guy he hasn't really been able to kind of keep up with her not just as far
04:30as like financially and and work wise but it sounds like he's not reciprocating the same energy that
04:37that she was given i feel like with the cheating and the losing a couple babies they've been on such
04:43an emotional roller coaster i think it might be good for her to start over with a clean slate you
04:49can kind of hear it in her voice she's tired of it she sounds like she's over it she didn't really
04:54sound overly in love with this guy and i just from the brief little conversation that we had i think
05:01it's time for her to slowly just think about herself and not so much us us hasn't really been
05:07working out for her and us doesn't seem to really be making her happy well he seems to be the selfish
05:12one anyway i mean cheating cheating is one thing but he also like when she described and said we've
05:18been like kicking in for like two we're not really kicking it we've been together it's like okay so
05:22they've been if i got a job and i'm not even sure i got the job i might not have the job yeah i i think
05:27it's it kind of sounds like it's time to sever ties and just work on doing you be fresh that's a nice
05:33way to say break up we need to sever ties we told you dobby was the breakup king he's the breakup king
05:38right there breakup king breakup radio radio oh i think this one is gonna be for meredith they didn't
05:45include who they wanted but meredith i think you can speak to this okay a guy catered to me for a month
05:51he he wooed me perfectly i developed some serious feelings for him then he decided to share his most
05:58private secret with me and it was that he was diagnosed with impotency now i'm completely turned
06:04off how do i let him down easy okay so oh he he's already down it's hard to get that back up going um
06:16well that's gonna be an issue so that's gonna be very uh difficult to deal with in the future
06:20and that is something instead of prolonging the relationship and trying to make it work if you
06:25know it's not gonna work you know gotta cut it off make it easy it'll make it feel bad there's no way
06:31to fix him up um there's pills i'm sure there's medicine there's only but he has to go ahead and
06:36do that you know you can't you guys just she's already done with it though her question like how
06:40do i let him down easy there's no saving this in her mind just be like it's not you it's me yeah you
06:46gotta lie you have to lie you have to lie he's already gonna know you don't want to just be
06:51like listen you can't throw down in the bedroom at all you don't want to break his soul why not
06:56why not because he wants to let him down easy but i mean being easy the easiest thing would be i'm
07:01being i'm being honest just saying listen you explain something to me and you were honest with
07:05me about your situation and i need to be honest with you sex is a very important part in
07:10relationships especially in the beginning with me i'm just i'm i'm a hoe i need i need it
07:16no i need it lie to me make up something else that's also it's such a very sensitive subject to
07:23begin with you could be scarred for life if she doesn't play this the right way just say you met
07:29somebody else and that you know you're falling in love with that person
07:32i'm still echoing honestly this is the power i would lie i would lie i would say you met somebody
07:44else and that uh you know you've had a lot of fun you appreciate the times you've had but you're
07:47moving on uh now your your advice that you uh gave davi came out of the 863 she said i just called my
07:54phone just died but i got to hear you guys thank you you confirmed my decision i made earlier okay
08:00all right so that's a good look right there glad you got to hear that all right let's see here what
08:04else we got orlando yo my husband cheated a couple years ago i forgave him we've been doing better but
08:10i struggle by myself with it i cry in the car whenever i'm alone so my question is how do i move
08:16on past this oh my god i mean honestly if you maybe you can't um i mean you can but
08:23maybe it's affecting you because that sucks somebody broke their trust you know that you
08:29gave them so i if it's worth it to stay then you stay if it's if if you can't get past it then you
08:36might need to go um yeah i don't believe in guys everybody says second chances are part of thing not
08:42everybody gets a second chance the lucky people get a second chance there are a lot of people running
08:46the world out there running around who did one dumb thing and lost their job lost their life lost
08:51their wife lost something so not everybody gets to just re-up and control out the lead back into a
08:57relationship if they broke your trust and ended up breaking you some sort of way inside you might
09:03need to just you know trade him in for a better model well your mind and heart can totally disagree
09:08here you want to suffer through everything and you feel like you can mentally but emotionally i mean
09:13all you can do is think about how much he hurt you yeah or or if you get in a situation where
09:18you're closing your eyes and you keep thinking of him with somebody else like it there's some very
09:22happy jovial dudes out there at the job site and you tell him close his eyes and think about his
09:26girl with somebody else and you'll see a evil come over his face right because it ain't comfortable
09:31you know so i couldn't get over it some people can't can't get past that you have to kind of
09:35gauge that on your own but i would say if somebody broke your trust once i don't necessarily
09:41give it back to them to not everybody deserves a second chance so that would be one thing i'm just
09:45trying to figure out if he's deserving of this second chance and not out there still doing it
09:49because you catch somebody doing something they probably did it before yeah very true you know
09:53all right so i hope that helps let's see here we got another call yeah line four uh heather is on
10:00the line for meredith oh heather is on for the mayor horn how you doing heather i'm good how are you
10:07guys pretty good she is here to give you some therapeutic help what you need okay so from a woman's
10:13standpoint i'm currently i have four weeks left in my pregnancy this is my first child
10:19my boyfriend has two children um from a previous relationship and we get them um you know either
10:29every other week or on the weekends and he's a great dad i love him to death but he is constantly
10:36on his phone so i'm worried when my baby comes he's not gonna pay that much attention
10:45you know and he just always kind of if you say something it's more of defense mode and it's not
10:52really phone like talking to people it's more like social media scrolling playing games so i don't
10:58know what to do okay so i deal with this i think a lot of people deal with this um ladies listen up
11:04this might this might affect your household too it's enough it affects everybody at a you know
11:09certain some standpoint but um what i'm going to say is you need to remind him to put down the phone
11:14social media is an addiction it can be as addictive as alcohol as a drug and you just get swept up into
11:21it into this altar life that means nothing to you you're about to have a brand new baby in the house
11:27and you're going to need all the help and you're going to need all the sleep so um if you have to
11:32become that nagging person uh that nagging significant other you're gonna have to do it
11:37and by the way that means you setting an example and putting your phone down too because right now
11:42real life is what's important what's going on in your house with your family and your kids not what's
11:47going on on social media nobody looks nobody cares about this really it's what's going on in your
11:52daily life after i watched the social dilemma which we all watched i became very conscious of how much
11:59and how many times i was looking at my phone yes and one thing that i did which has really helped me
12:04is i put my screen time like the usage time right at the front so every time i open up my phone it has
12:10how long in that day how many hours how many minutes i've given to this device and it just keeps that
12:17running total and i'm almost ashamed of it sometimes heather have you guys watched the social dilemma
12:21no we have not i might have to oh yeah do it watch that you have four weeks left do it now you know
12:29that animosity that people feel when you start bringing up their socials they get kind of tight
12:33and tense it's like when you come home and you say hey honey we need to talk and he gets nervous
12:38because he's like oh hell what you want to talk about so what what you probably need to do is just
12:43don't even have the argument just say hey we need to watch this thing that i've been hearing about
12:47watch it talk about it afterwards and then maybe make a suggestion while you're you know nesting
12:52for getting ready for this life to come into the world say hey why don't we do something like two
12:57two three times a week let's set our phones aside for an hour and just cuddle up and you know me you
13:02and the baby like you know i'm saying and just talk with you guys and then make they make it about
13:07the vibrations of your voice yeah you know him touching your stomach with no no electronics around
13:12no tv on and y'all just vibe out and kind of talk about what's gonna happen just and do it for like
13:17an hour a couple times a week put your phones in a basket in the kitchen that's what i'm gonna do
13:21yeah or just sit them aside like you know don't don't you because he'll get scared if it's out of
13:24his eyesight because that he really loves it more than you but but no i'm just that's why she's
13:29i'm joking i'm joking but that's a you know a suggestion for you guys to play around but make
13:33it about the movie and then and then get that spark from there it's fixable and remind him it's not a
13:38bad thing to be reminded okay right okay thank you guys so much i'll definitely try it out no problem
13:44there we go we are your therapists yeah we got one more we got another call do we have time for
13:48one more yeah we'll do one let's see uh izzy is on the phone hey izzy how you doing hey how you doing
13:54orlando pretty good man what's good um not much man i was driving um jumping on my youngest daughter
13:59to school i heard you guys do it every thursday i figure i can call you guys see if i can get some
14:03advice okay what you got what's your question so um i live here in tampa i'm a tampa resident um i got
14:09two kids that reside in different state of in ohio long story short i went to visit them last
14:13weekend for parenting time my daughter's 10 years old she you know told me that she's been you know
14:19being forced to commit you know some things that she's not supposed to be doing at 10 years old
14:23you know overactivity i reported it to police took her to the er long story short at the end of the
14:29day the state of ohio decided to give the custody back to mom so i'm just asking you know like what do
14:34you guys recommend as you know advise what what can someone do here in tampa you know to be able to
14:38you know i want to get my daughter out of that house but the state in ohio doesn't really seem
14:42to be helping me they think that there's no immediate danger at home this process yeah i mean i'm sorry to
14:50hear that because i mean just as a dad especially not a dad that ain't on site that's hard but do you
14:55have i guess the first thing is do you have legal representation here in tampa um no not yet i have
15:01legal representation in ohio because like a jurisdiction i have to have one in ohio right
15:06i would think that i mean if you have if you have if they're there that's even better um but i would
15:12i would start talking to them about the options because wellness checks are a part of of this whole
15:17parenting and if you're out of the house you have to have the ability to make sure to check on that
15:22and if you have to i mean you don't want to put your baby mama in a bad situation but if there is a
15:28situation that's detrimental to your child that's paramount you know like that that that an enough
15:33movie with j-lo and they're like you have an inherent right an animal right to protect your child that
15:37goes for you too so i would get with the lawyer and say listen there's something that my daughter
15:42told me that's actionable and we need to have it stopped i don't even care if if they come in the
15:48baby's coming with me or staying with there but this has to stop and that'll start the snow
15:52because the thing is to get your kids safe all right get her safe first and then the fallout
15:59could be that she might need to be with you instead of them but but let the investigation prove that
16:05you just merely are a dude trying to protect my child and if you about that nobody's ever gonna
16:10like push you away from that you know let that be the headline yeah i appreciate it um you know i
16:15appreciate you guys you know picking up mainly i also wanted to get on here be able to you know like
16:20shine to light because like like you said wellness checks i've called for wellness checks you know
16:24i have court order agreements that says i have to speak to them four days a week mom doesn't let me
16:28speak to them yeah i mean well then your lawyer your lawyer can absolutely i mean you just got to pay
16:31to make sure they go address that at the court and then honestly that the court will if it's on your
16:36co-parenting plan they have to follow that and it just most people don't want to go back in the
16:41court because that's more billable hours and stuff like that but again your thing is to protect that
16:46little person that you brought into the world so you know i appreciate it i think i get something
16:50in motion i placed i placed an emergency motion when it happened which was uh last week they did
16:55respond recently so they scheduled a zoom meeting in december which i thought was pretty funny how
16:59they decided december will be answered and uh emergency will be answered in december but i know
17:04yeah it's i mean it's hard it's a backed up situation but i would just stay in contact with your
17:09daughter like i mean she's giving you she's giving you some information while you're doing all this
17:13business on the outside still keep in contact with her let her know you are there and present and
17:18you're available for her to talk to you about anything because if you make it crazy then she
17:23won't be coming to you and you got till december like another month and a half yeah to basically like
17:28wait this out so be there for her to be that kind of like shoulder to lean on and let us know give us
17:34an update no problem thank you guys so much i really appreciate it if you guys don't mind if anybody would
17:38like to follow me on instagram my instagram is look at up live ain't nobody following you all right
17:43all right all right bye man all right good advice all around whatever i'll be there ain't following
17:51him on instagram i'll be like if y'all would follow me nobody would follow me are we around we done
17:56yes you guys wrap it keep on that
17:57yes i think we're done
17:58yes i think we're done