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00:00The Lucy Show
00:12Starring Lucille Ball
00:17Co-starring Gail Gordon
00:30Here you are, you little darlings.
00:50Here's your din-din.
00:52Come on. Come and get it.
00:54It's up here.
00:57Hi, Lucy.
00:58Oh, hi, Mary Jane.
01:00Oh, I want you to see the new addition of my family.
01:02Oh, aren't they cute?
01:05They make wonderful pets.
01:06They need so little attention.
01:08Oh, they're beautiful.
01:10What are they, male or female?
01:12Who cares?
01:14They do.
01:16If they care enough, they can find out for themselves.
01:23Well, that would be this afternoon, Lucy.
01:26Movies are bowling.
01:27Oh, Mary Jane, I didn't get a chance to tell you.
01:29I have to go with Mr. Mooney this afternoon.
01:31He has to get an anniversary present for his wife.
01:33Oh, well, where are you going to shop for it?
01:36Well, if I know Mr. Mooney, we'll go to any store that gives him a discount.
01:41Oh, listen.
01:42What?
01:42I know a wonderful place that sells bargains.
01:44They sell all kinds of things.
01:46The only thing is, it's way downtown.
01:48It's a very long trip.
01:49So what?
01:50Mr. Mooney would go to Outer Mongolia to save a dime.
01:55Listen, I think I've got the address here.
01:57Oh, good.
01:58Yeah, a friend of mine works with me.
02:00Here's the address right here.
02:02Mr. Mooney will appreciate this.
02:04Well, I guess I might as well run along.
02:06I'll see you later.
02:07Okay.
02:07Happy shopping.
02:08Thank you, dear.
02:08Bye-bye.
02:09Bye.
02:09Come in.
02:10Oh, hi, Mr. Mooney.
02:12Oh, good morning, Miss Lewis.
02:14Good morning, Mrs. Carmichael.
02:15Good morning.
02:16How are you this nice, fine day?
02:18I'm fine, and I'm all ready to go.
02:20And I have some very good news for you.
02:22I know a store where you can save a lot of money.
02:25Oh, bless you.
02:30Bye-bye.
02:31Oh, I see you have a little aquarium here.
02:33Yeah, just a little old pair of goldfish.
02:36Mr. Mooney, can you tell me whether they're male or female?
02:41They're female.
02:42How can you tell they're female?
02:44Because their mouths never stop moving.
02:58Harry?
03:02Oh, Harry?
03:05Oh, Frank.
03:10Have you got the merchandise?
03:18Yep, I sure have.
03:23Beautiful.
03:24That's nice.
03:25That's a nice hair on that coat.
03:26Let me see that.
03:26Good, good.
03:30No initials.
03:33Here, that's nice.
03:34This stuff ain't bad.
03:35It ain't bad.
03:36This is some of the best merchandise I ever bring you.
03:38I hope it ain't too hot.
03:39Don't worry.
03:40It was all lifted in New York.
03:42The fuzz will never trace it out here.
03:43That's good.
03:44Hey, I wish I could lose weight as fast as you do.
03:48Come on in the back.
03:49I'll give you your money.
03:50I can sure use it.
03:52I got a crap game lined up at the Pink Pelican tonight.
03:55What does a thief like you want with a crap game?
03:58Go out and stick somebody up.
04:00This is my night off.
04:01Oh.
04:02Listen, if I make a sale here today, I'll go with you.
04:05Good.
04:05Okay, that'll be good.
04:06Beautiful.
04:16This is the number.
04:24Mrs. Carmichael.
04:30I am not averse to saving money,
04:33but I certainly didn't expect the store to look like this.
04:37Well, they just don't waste money on fancy decorations,
04:40but they do seem to have everything here.
04:43Lady, you're 100% right.
04:45Our motto is, if we haven't got what you want,
04:48ask for it,
04:49and we'll go out and pick it up for you.
04:55Now, what can I do for you folks?
04:58Well, I want to buy a gift for my wife.
05:00It's our anniversary.
05:02Congratulations, lady.
05:03Oh, no, I'm not his wife.
05:05Oh, it's one of those deals.
05:10You know, you don't look the type.
05:14He does, but you don't.
05:17I am his secretary.
05:19They usually are.
05:21Now, what kind of a gift did you have in mind?
05:24Well, I'm not quite sure.
05:26Hey, Harry, will I see you at the Pink Pelican?
05:30What time are those birdwatchers gathering?
05:33Ah.
05:34The birdwatchers?
05:35Oh, yeah.
05:36Well, say, oh, like 10.30?
05:39Good, I'll be there.
05:41Bye.
05:44You belong to the Audubon Society, huh?
05:47Well, I'm not really a full member.
05:49I just go there and take care of the pigeons.
05:55Say, why don't you browse around?
05:57Look around for things.
05:58You see anything you like, Mr. Mooney?
06:00Not so far.
06:01No, I don't.
06:02How about this set of luggage?
06:04This looks very nice.
06:06Is this genuine cowhide?
06:08Lady, it's such genuine cowhide that I got to milk it twice a day.
06:13Well, I don't think that would be right for my wife.
06:19Why not, sir?
06:20Well, I've already given her 31 suitcases, and she hasn't taken the hint yet.
06:26Well, keep looking around.
06:28We've got a very large selection of merchandise here.
06:31Oh, Mr. Mooney, look at this.
06:33Look at this.
06:35It's beautiful.
06:36Oh, yes, it is.
06:37Oh, this is a lovely color.
06:39Oh, that's much too expensive.
06:40That's worth at least $1,000.
06:43Oh, yes.
06:43You are a shrewd businessman.
06:46You guessed the price exactly $1,000.
06:50Well, that's a little more than I was going to spend.
06:53And because you guessed the price exactly, I'm going to cut the price in half.
06:59$500.
07:02Well, even $500 is a little steep.
07:05And because you are the 1,000th customer to come in this morning, I am going to cut the price in half again, $250.
07:15Mr. Mooney, it's a steal, isn't it?
07:19You might say that.
07:22Mr. Mooney, you are saving $750.
07:25Oh, I'll take it.
07:27I'll take it.
07:28To whom shall I make out the check?
07:30Check?
07:31I'm sorry, but we do not accept checks on merchandise that was marked down three times.
07:36You see, we have a deal with the bank.
07:39We don't take no checks, and they don't sell no furs.
07:44It's a deal, a deal we got.
07:47All right, well, let me see.
07:50$100, $200, and $50.
07:56Thanks.
07:57Oh, my God.
07:58Well, what do you know?
08:00Sounds like the noon whistle.
08:01Lunch!
08:05Well, that didn't sound like the noon whistle, but...
08:07Well, we got our shopping done.
08:09That's the main thing.
08:10All right, you two.
08:11Just stand there.
08:12Take it easy.
08:14What's the meaning of this?
08:16Oh, don't give me that innocent act.
08:18We've had this place staked out for weeks.
08:20This is the biggest outlet for stolen goods in the whole city.
08:25Oh, thanks.
08:29I'll just take this along as evidence.
08:31Come on now, let's go.
08:32Well, now, just a minute, officer.
08:33We haven't done anything.
08:34I can explain it all.
08:35You can explain it all down at headquarters.
08:37Come on, let's go here.
08:39Come on, you two.
08:41Faith and Begora now.
08:43Such a fine broth of a lad like yourself.
08:45Wouldn't be after arresting a Colleen like myself, would you now, officer Murphy?
08:52Or could it be Houlihan?
08:54Or is it O'Brien?
08:56It's Shapiro.
09:07Oh, the shame of it all.
09:10Thanks to you, I, Theodore J. Mooney, vice president of the Westland Bank, am in jail like a common criminal.
09:25Well, you're not alone.
09:28I'm in here with you.
09:30That's adding insult to injury.
09:33Look, I don't like this any more than you do.
09:35But let's look at the bright side of things.
09:38What bright side?
09:39Well, the police treated us very nicely.
09:42They let me call Mary Jane.
09:43Oh, yes, you owe me a dime.
09:47Well, where is she with that bail money?
09:51It's almost two hours since you called her.
09:53Yeah, well, she had something very important to do first.
09:56What?
09:57Her hair.
09:58That's important.
10:01Well, certainly you can't expect a girl to come to a jail looking a mess.
10:07Oh, Lucy!
10:08Here she is.
10:09Oh, yes.
10:09Oh, you, oh, I love your hairdo.
10:12Oh, I love it.
10:15You changed it to something magnificent.
10:17I thought it'd be nice up for a day.
10:19Oh, it's beautiful.
10:20It makes you look younger.
10:22Oh, yeah, I'm taller.
10:23Oh, yes.
10:24Hi, Mr. Mooney.
10:25You know, I'd like to have mine done like that.
10:27Oh, I don't think you've got enough hair.
10:28No, I probably have.
10:29You probably have to put a little piece on top.
10:32Yeah.
10:32But I think you look pretty good.
10:35Oh, no, no, no.
10:40I think he's stir crazy.
10:45Come on, Mr. Mooney, calm down.
10:47Oh, calm down.
10:48You two.
10:49Oh, come on.
10:50Come on.
10:50Come on.
10:51All right.
10:52You two can leave now.
10:53The lady paid your bail.
10:54Now, you see, I told you everything would be all right.
10:59Everything's all right, she says.
11:01I have wasted an entire morning.
11:04Lost $250, and you say everything's all right?
11:08Well, now, you won't lose the money.
11:09just go see harry barton and ask for your money back oh mrs carmichael don't be naive we have
11:15seen the last of that crook oh oh wait a minute i know where he lives oh good yeah a girlfriend
11:22of mine dates him uh he lives at the valley vista arms oh fine mr mooney you go see harry and demand
11:30your money come on let's go home i want you to fix my hair like this i'll see you monday mr mooney
11:34just a moment you are going with me and you are going to demand my money back that's a man's job
11:45why should i do it because he won't hit a woman
11:49i should have got the next largest size
12:11there you are yes we've been waiting for you hi folks i've been looking for you you ran off today
12:20without getting your trading stamps where have you been we have been in jail that's where we've been
12:28jailed sir i am shocked if i'd have known you were of that ilk i never would have done business with
12:34you you sold me a hot fur you mean that was a stolen stole
12:39believe me i am the victim of a misunderstanding no i'm the victim and i want my 250 dollars back
12:50and you shall have it just let me go to my apartment and i'll get it and we are going with you
12:55oh i wish you wouldn't why not because my apartment is such a mess
13:00look you disappeared once we're not going to let you get away with it again sir you mistrust me
13:08i certainly do it cuts me to the quick to think that you have no faith in your fellow man
13:16yeah well your fellow woman doesn't have faith in you either
13:18tell you what i'm going to do i am going to let you hold the keys to my car till i come back
13:26that seems like adequate collateral for 250 dollars
13:35thank you i'll be back in a flash with your cash
13:38you know mr mooney he is kind of cute
13:46maybe we misjudged him yeah perhaps we were a bit hasty
13:51oh my look at that car isn't it a beauty
13:55oh i've always wanted a car like that really
13:58yes but irma insists that since i'm a banker i should
14:02drive something a little less flashy more conservative
14:05what is that thing you drive
14:08a 1955 edsel
14:10boy that is conservative
14:14you know i've always thought i'd look rather dashing in the car like that
14:19well why don't you get in and find out oh no i don't think i should go on go on get in
14:26try in harry will understand he seems like a regular guy
14:29well maybe so i think oh it's such lovely upholstery
14:33yeah oh my is it oh and does it feel comfortable yeah really you look great
14:40okay you out of the car
14:47out
14:49well
14:53now officer if this car is parked there's no parking zone it isn't my fault you see it isn't my car
15:03yes i know it isn't your car it's stolen
15:08no
15:10let me have the keys
15:11well uh well they have them yes certainly the keys they belong there they are joe i'll take care of it up there come on i'm taking you in what what what what do you mean come on let's go you too lady why are you what far yeah possession of a stolen car
15:23well
15:30well mrs carmichael
15:32you've done it again
15:34gee mr mooney it's not my fault why don't you look at the bright side
15:40oh there you go with that bright side what bright side
15:44well the first time we were arrested we were in a dingy jail downtown
15:48now we're in the beautiful san fernando valley with trees and flowers all around
15:53and did you notice that volleyball court as we came in that's for us prisoners
15:57oh will you be quiet
16:03i am not only out 250 dollars
16:06now i am in jail for stealing cars
16:09oh if i could just get my hands on that swindler
16:16oh
16:18oh
16:20oh
16:21oh
16:22huh
16:23what
16:24what
16:25are you doing
16:26i'm thinking
16:27don't
16:28please
16:30don't
16:31now listen mr mooney while we were in harry's store
16:34that other man in there said that he was going to meet him later at some uh some bird place
16:41uh uh the the the pink the pink pelican club said he's going to meet him there later
16:47now we'll go there and find him when we get out of here
16:51if we get out
16:53okay you two
17:00you can leave your brother paid your bail
17:02oh
17:03thank goodness
17:04ah
17:05oh just a minute
17:06i don't have a brother
17:08what what did he look like
17:10oh he was a big brute
17:13yeah he was about six foot three weighed 250 pounds
17:17very muscular and tough looking
17:20that's my wife
17:33sweet happiness do it one time
17:35for harry
17:36for harry
17:37hot hot
17:44yeah
17:45uh we're here to see harry barton
17:50come on in
17:59this is a bird sanctuary
18:03well maybe they keep the birds in the back
18:07this is a gambling joint
18:09let's get out of here
18:10now wait a minute
18:11there's harry
18:12why don't you get your money first and then we'll get out
18:14oh
18:15all right
18:16all right
18:17i want to talk to you
18:26i'm busy now you have
18:27oh it's you two crooks
18:31what's the idea of stealing my car
18:35i stole your car
18:38aha
18:39you admit it
18:41oh i've had enough of this i want my 250 dollars back
18:45and if you don't give it to him right this minute we're gonna report it to the police
18:48all right all right i will give you back your money but i don't have any cash right now i'll have to give you chips
18:53chips
18:54chips
18:55chips
18:56what would i do with chips
18:57you cash them in right over there it's just like money
18:59oh
19:00well
19:01thank you
19:02good it's a pleasure to have done business with you
19:04right over here mr mooney
19:06oh
19:07oh look
19:08what
19:09you know i've never played a slot machine
19:10now mrs carmichael you are throwing your money away
19:13oh come on it's only a nickel
19:15well only a nickel
19:17oh you just realize how they talk
19:19all right
19:20it's this one
19:22i ain't got a jackpot
19:23what
19:24a jackpot
19:25good deal
19:26i got a jackpot
19:27oh my
19:40pardon me you're stepping on my nickel sir
19:42pardon me sir
19:44you're stepping on
19:47you're under arrest
19:49i'm under arrest for what
19:51for gambling
19:52but i was a we're not gambling
19:56what are those little things in your hand tiddlywinks
19:59get over there
20:00over there
20:01come on come on
20:02get over
20:03go on
20:04go along with it
20:05get over there
20:06why did you bring my head here
20:08i told you
20:09what
20:10why don't we go to the pink pelican mr mooney
20:18why don't we get your money from the bird watchers mr mooney
20:23oh i should have known
20:25i should know better than to listen to anything you ever say
20:30sorry
20:31well i should hope so
20:33i also hope
20:35this terrible day
20:36has taught you a lesson
20:38oh it has
20:39it has
20:40i learned that of all the jails in the city the beverly hills is the prettiest
20:44mrs carmichael
20:47mrs carmichael
20:49hmm
20:50we work
20:51for one of the most sedate banks in the country
20:55and in less than one day
20:57you have gotten us into more jails than bonnie and clive
21:02and furthermore
21:05could you hold it down a little bit
21:08i'm trying to get some sleep
21:10what's the matter with you
21:11you act like you've never been in jail before
21:14oh you keep out of this
21:16this is all your fault anyway
21:18yeah but weren't for you we wouldn't even be here
21:20yeah
21:21hey
21:22you got a visitor
21:26oh mr cheever
21:27mooney
21:28what does this mean
21:30well mr cheever i had to call you sir
21:32you were my last resort
21:33you see they want more bail this time
21:36what do you mean this time
21:39have you been in jail before
21:42twice
21:44what for
21:47uh uh
21:48well
21:49you see mr cheever
21:50i went out to buy a gift
21:51for my wife
21:52yeah and he bought a hot fur
21:54that
21:55keep quiet
21:56well you did
21:57oh well never mind that
21:58that one got you in trouble
21:59then
22:00then there was this
22:01sports card
22:02yeah he was in a stolen car
22:04we were in a stolen car
22:05we were in a stolen car
22:08trying to help
22:09moody listen to me
22:11yeah
22:12if there is one word a publicity gets out about this and hurts the bank
22:15just one word mind you
22:17you are through
22:19yeah well that's not all tell them about the other time tell them why we're in here
22:23oh and he oh
22:24oh yes
22:25well you see
22:26we went to the pink pelican
22:28the pink pelican
22:29yeah
22:30at the gambling joint he was caught in a rain
22:33what is this
22:35never mind
22:36never mind
22:37never mind
22:38what
22:39what
22:40how much is your bail
22:41uh uh
22:42five hundred dollars
22:43each
22:44i don't have a thousand dollars cash on me
22:48oh mrs carmichael
22:50hell
22:51hell
22:52hell
22:53it's a little lady
22:54what
22:55you ain't no gentleman
22:57i will lend you the thousand dollars for the bail
23:00oh
23:01oh
23:02and your boyfriend will pay it back
23:05here's the thousand
23:06thank you
23:07and here's another five hundred
23:09would you ask that very nice looking gentleman if he would pay my bail too
23:13yes
23:14yes
23:15here's our bail money
23:16all right
23:17i'll take care of it
23:19oh
23:20oh
23:24well
23:25all's well that ends well
23:28oh
23:29that's what i need
23:31a red-headed pollyanna
23:34why can't you be nice
23:38nice
23:39after all the trouble she's caused me you expect me to die
23:42you expect me to be nice
23:44forgive
23:45and forget
23:46that's my motto
23:48uh
23:49well
23:51well
23:52you're right
23:53you're right
23:54i guess this has been just a series of misunderstandings
23:57yes it hasn't
23:58thank you mr mooney
23:59oh
24:00that's all right
24:01i guess i did
24:02lose my temper a little bit
24:07get in there
24:12what
24:13what did they put you in jail for
24:22for paying your bail with counterfeit money
24:30i never thought they'd suspect a classy looking gent like him
24:34Well, live and learn. That's my motto.